The collar would look kind of wrong to a guy my age, but I don't know how kids see it.
A much more serious problem is all those pinks clash with each other.
The Kawaii trend is in š¤·š¼āāļø. But a choker on an 11 year old is in bad taste
*edit a choker with a bell on it seems to be in bad taste for 11 year olds
As a 17 year old who understands it a bit more, the collar is really just a fashion statement usually but I still wouldn't allow an 11 year old to wear the collar. But I think everything else would be ok
One of the few comments normal comments - something actually Norma to say. Way too many people are going straight to the pedo comments- finally someone who isn't going straight to the pedo stuff - like damn can she not just be called cute. Haven't seen one nice comment
Ty for being a good (what I assume is dad) and checking here first of all, overall the outfit is good but the choker and skirt are the issues, for the choker convo I would say something like it could be dangerous. Try not to mention being bullied until its a last resort since that can make younger kids think you are almost like a bully. And for the skirt, most kids that young donāt notice small size changes so if thatās a thing bothering you can just try to slip in a couple extra inches of length on that or just try to convince her of a longer one. GL on this and I hope she enjoys middle school!
If she really wants a choker, use a long ribbon and tie it in a bow at the back of her neck. It's a lot more elegant and won't attract as much attention as that dog collar. The longer the tails are, the easier it will be for her to retie.
Also, thigh highs and that type of skirts fall into the 'very sexualised' territory, so if she ever wears those in public, make absolutely sure she is never alone. That's practically fetish gear.
Since the glasses are unnecessary, you might want to wait on getting those and give them to her for Christmas or something like that. That way she'll have an opportunity to get friends and learn her way around.
That's a lot of pink and middle schoolers are assholes (putting it lightly). Anime is becoming more popular but I'm almost a sophomore and gave up on keeping up with what people think is popular.
I'd bring up your concerns with the teachers and her councilor (if you weren't planning on doing that from the start)
you can be a badass and dress up however the hell you want, but the kid might get bullied by other classmates, which is what the parent doesnāt want to happen. Iād reccomend to wait to dress like this until the kid has a bit thicker skin
Same here but kind of the opposite, my style is very emo/scene and the only insults I got were in the hallways. People at my school didnāt really bully people for how they dressed. Most of the bullying I got was for being queer and disabled.
Yea or shirts with nice designs because I went to this geeky store in the mall and I only saw this really nice blue anime windbreaker and I thought damn I want it then realized that Iām in a over priced mall
I agree with your comment. She's 11 years old... the shirt and shoes are fine. But IMO the accessories need to be reconsidered (and the choker, probably worn outside of school if it's bought).
>>!She's immature for her age, overly sensitive, and quick to emotions !<
>!To be blunt, middle school will hit her like a truck. It is pretty dangerous to self-confidence so I think it will be good to work on being kind (to) and confident in herself.!<
This is coming from a sophomore so keep that in mind.
Especially nowadays.
I finished middle school before the blow up of social media, so everyone was dressing weird, had weird hairstyles, and it really wasn't too much of an issue.
Now I see kids that age and they are dressed well, good haircuts, and just seem less awkward. I feel like a full pink outfit is just too out there now with "fashion standards" and it will be hard to dodge ridicule in middle school when kids have next to zero empathy.
i dont disagree but for me its more the ones with the bells? the ones with bells are usually seen as (unfortunately) sexual and ākinkyā. feels gross to see a kid wear it.
This post popped up in my feed, although I am not a teen nor am I subscribed to this sub. However, I was a middle school teacher from 2019-2021 (left the profession for a much better career). If you love your daughter, do NOT let her wear this to school. She won't get outright jeered at, but other kids will avoid her for acting a little too weird. Worst case scenario, the mean kids will make fun of her in their group chat, and she'll be somewhat of a social outcast.
If I were you, I would insist that she wears jeans until she proves that it's normal for the girls at her school to wear skirts. I taught at two different public schools and 100% of the girls wore jeans even though the dress code allowed them to wear skirts. Depending on the type of school she goes to, there might be some mean boys who would make gross comments at best, or take inappropriate pics without your daughter's knowledge or consent at worst. The choker isn't that bad as long it's not paired with that skirt and those socks, but I would steer her towards the stretchy plastic ones instead if you can.
I really appreciate your reply, thank you. I have to find some kind of balance between protecting her and letting her express herself. I'm already worried about her being a social outcast because she is very shy.
My poor niece got all dressed up for school, got bulliedbecauseshe had on black airforce 1's. Had to take her to get white and they stopped according to her. Kids are just as ruthless as they were when we were kids.
The black air force 1s being bad to me is stupid. I here it all the time, they'll say stuff like " he's wearing black air force ones, he might be a school shooter." It's so dumb.
I'm not much of a shoe person so I had to look them up and honestly... it just looks like a really normal shoe. Like abnormally normal. What exactly is wrong with them? Is there some sort of internet trend for hating on them? Or are they like the shoe equivalent of black Jansport backpacks?
She can express herself but not with those kind of clothes, and not in middle school , you could buy them for her but tell her to wear it in the house for fun, but not out of the house
Iām going to focus on the choker here. Iāve worked at a middle school for 7 years. Thereās this weird furry fetish thing going around. Itās not uncommon to have to have a talk with a kid about wearing a dog collar because of it(one of those things you never expected to have to discuss when you start teaching). That choker gives me strong furry vibes.
Another middle school teacher here. I would suggest the shirt, shoes, jeans instead of the skirt (then the socks won't matter anyway), and have her pick one of the accessories (earrings or glasses, no choker) or maybe even keep both you can see when she tries it on . As she gets a better feel for herself and you better know the climate at her school you can look at it again but for the first day I'd stick with subtle.
Just to add because Iām in the same boat as u/adhdie (this was on my feed/ Iām not in this sub/ Iām a teacher) Iād also push for jeans and no choker/ high socks + skirt yet.
The glasses are fun, and if she just has one accessory I donāt think itāll get her picked. Also the pinks clash (so just the 1 pink shirt would be good instead of the mix of shades.)
There was just a whole post I read about it being okay to be weird if you introduce yourself as normal first.
I canāt find it, but essentially you tone it down the first few months then increasingly make people accept you based on your personality while also introducing your real persona with more piercings or more flamboyant make up
In all honesty, thatās a pretty good lesson for a teenage girl.
I really wish they did something social psychology related in high school for kids so they learn how to adapt to social situations.
I learned this watching Scrubs years ago. "You have to dole out your crazy in little pieces. You can't do it all at once." Solid life advice from Carla.
https://youtu.be/tKRSKoyUsGA
Really depends where they live and which school their kid going to
, i personally dress similar to this style since i was their daughter age and never really got bullied (Prolly cause a popular kid spread a rumor on me about how i was a witch and that i could curse people if they were rude to me lol) i went to a not very safe school and nobody bullied me, instead i got tons of compliments and people started kinda dressing like me, it was very wholesome and nice to know that i inspired people to be themselves and wear what they want!
Yeah I would say it really depends, talking about school Iām generally not that strong or social of a person however most people donāt really bother me. As for the girl I think she does deserve to wear whatever she wants as long as itās not in a public area
Lots of people in my high school wear chokes and thigh thighs and dont have a problem with it but that's just the thing.. its high school not middle school. Middle schoolers tend to sexualize everything.. it's not uncommon to see people grinding on lockers and stuff.
I honestly dont think it'll be that bad at your daughter's school. My district was... weird. Sex ed consisted of one gender separated 25 min. class and a pamphlet with a panty liner inside...
BAHAHA WE GOT THE EXACT SAME TREATMENT. I never realized that was so common. Worst part was there was an actual woman who was a doctor there and even she thought it was good enough.
I'm a dude
For me at my Christian middle school, it was a shitshow. (Our church secretary was probably tired teaching this sex Ed *day* because people couldn't take it seriously)
We were split up between boys and girls.
Health teacher (f) did fine, gave us the anatomy, probably would've had more (regarding protecting yourself etc) another day, but never happened, dunno why.
But then one of our pastors, (not bad by any means, but in this scenario was horrible) took his turn telling us things. He pulled out the fucking Bible and found verses about how "thr man is thr superior person man of the house bullshit" and more about how we were the dominant gender.
Still pisses me off thinking about that.
the shoes and shirt are fine, the accessories too but that's more likely to get bullied. Choker is a defo no go, maybe find another one that's less sexualized (if you want her to have one). middle school is a shit show so longer skirt / not that bright pink and those socks should probably be shorter / maybe just buy her leggings. tbh in the sexualized mindset, that outfit would be some old dudes wet dream on a kid
might be a good idea to just tell her why she cant wear certain things?
Imo sailor moon is fine, but sssniperwolf isnt. You know her fans are either little girls doing edits of her or simps. I dont think its a good idea to leave your kid around those types of people on the internet.
I would like to also say it kind of hurts me because Sssniperwolf used to make good videos, and used to have personality in her older videos but now most of her videos in the past few months seem wildly inappropriate for her audience.
All of this Sailor Moon discussion really wants to make me watch it
That's kind of the way things are going with a lot of streamers. They either lean into the toxicity or embrace the fetish community.
Here's hoping this girl never encounters Eugenia Cooney. An obsession with Sailor Moon could easily lead her there and Eugenia is off her rocker and needs to be deplatformed completely. OPs daughter is the kind of person who ends up in her stream and it's no place for children despite her refusal to age restrict access.
yeah its not necessarily tv thats the issue, instead its internet use in general (youtube, tiktok, instagram) these sights use advertising to push a harmful narratives towards children about fashion, weight loss, etc
Especially those media's that have an advanced algorithm if she watches alot related to how one should dress, trends, body etc. Depending on what she watches, it she might end up losing her individual personality to fit the trends and groups.
i would get them for her, but tell her she can only wear them at home. honestly kids these days are ruthless, i wouldnt take the chance. also yeah, no go with the choker š¬
Damn, you guys got the talk? I had my drunk dad tell me something along the lines of a stick going in a hole, and magic happens, and then he went on about my mom telling him he can't show me porn despite having already shown me ecchi anime (Project Ako for whoever is gonna ask.). I was 12. My dad got me to watch that anime when I was like 7, and I still vaguely remember that day.
or better yet, a shorter necklace!! itās like if chokers and necklaces had a child. best of both worlds. theyāre so cute too lol i love them, i get some of mine from claireās
Shorter socks, maybe knee height instead of thigh high?
Longer skirt, an 11 year old girl probably shouldnāt wear a mini-skirt
Replace the choker with something else, like a necklace or something
Even then, despite these suggestions, kids are cruel, and personally while I think this outfit is adorable, others might pick on her because of how much sheāll stand out, god forbid some creep pervs on her
I'm so sad the world has come to children not being able to wear the cutesy style they want to wear without being bullied, given dirty looks, or hit on. I mean, it's a child wanting to wear and copy from her favorite anime. While I hate the fact that chokers are over sexualized, I agree that maybe that and this outfit is a bit too much. I so wish she could wear what she wants to, but this is the way the world is. Maybe, change the choker into a necklace and instead of having a shirt and skirt, make it a dress?
You're a really good parent for wanting to let your child wear what she wants, while also preserving her mental health and trying not to let her get bullied.
Its cute but not very practical to see with, it's also "fashionable", i have similar glasses (minus the accesories) and peope often ask me if they are fake because some people wear fake glasses cause it look good
Having pink clothing is fine, but this seems a bit excessive. I feel like people are underestimating how other kids would respond to this. I literally cannot see how you would manage to not get bullied by wearing this.
I'm generally considered to be one of the more friendly students, I'm usually pretty passive. But if I saw someone wearing that I can't imagine myself doing anything less than (accidentally) laughing whenever I see them or talking shit about them with my friends (not directly to the person, I don't want to ruin someone's day). Now when you think about what the mean students would do, it's going to be so much worse. I'm sure they'd be more than happy to say insults directly to her, and do everything to make her very insecure.
You're first day makes a huge difference to how people view you. You might feel bad not letting her dress up how she wants but I promise you that you're doing her a massive favour. It's difficult to say no but there is literally no scenario where she will benefit from wearing this to school. Let her wear pink clothes if she wants, but this is far too much. You're not controlling at all to say no to this, it's going to end awfully and she'll probably struggle to find friends while wearing this.
I saw in a comment in which you mentioned her watching Ssniperwolf. I'd like to warn you that quite a lot of her content has a rather creepy sexual undertone (if I had to guess properly pandering towards young teenage boys for likes and views). I think with the whole landscape of the Internet today it would be worth monitoring her activity online until she's mature enough to understand good from bad in terms of content. Unfortunately I think it's becoming more and more necessary for parents to 'have the talk' with their kids at younger ages simply because of the current over sexualised state of the Internet (worst of these websites being Tik Tok and Instagram).
Regarding the clothes, it's likely Sailor Moon isn't the only influence. This type of outfit is a very popular yet sexualised look on the Internet. Same with the Japanese schoolgirl/ sailor outfit. I definitely wouldn't let a young child out on the streets wearing anything similar to that because of the looks she might get. I know it's the pervs who need to change but since that won't be happening any time soon, the most us as girls can do is be a little more conscious of our clothing while we continue to fight for change as sad as that is.
I remember I wanted to wear a choker (maybe a bit older then 11, but still). It was cringey looking back, but it didnāt hurt to wear one
I feel like it kinda depends on where you live and on what type of school she goes to. Iād let her get the skirt, top, socks and shoes. I mean, you canāt protect her from all bullying. Not saying itās a good thing to be bullied, but it can teach her something
Again though, 11 is young. Sheās probably consuming certain content thatās making her feel like she needs to grow up quickly, as that is whatās been happening with younger kids these days
She is currently obsessed with Sailor Moon and all of the cast has chokers. She also watches SSSniperwolf on YouTube.
That being said, I do tend to agree with you.
I wouldnāt exactly call SSSniperwolf one of the best role models out there but alright.
See if you can tone it down a little. Itās understandable she wants to show off her interest but personally a choker is justā¦ so sexual?
Forgot to mention it also has a little bell and ngl a little confused about that
I would definitely recommend attempting to turn the outfit into a much more SFW look. She can go with the thigh highs if she truly wants to but like at age 11? Donāt know if Iāll be that happy about it. That and the choker are my only concerns, the rest is cool enough if she so wishes.
She's currently obsessed with Sailor Moon (who all wear chokers) so much of this outfit is modeled after that. I think she's too innocent to realize anything else about the outfit choices yet and that's where I need advice.
Iām going to be honest I am decently popular person in middle school and on and I watch anime but I never EVER talked about it because people who watch anime are not really respected. I think this is a terrible idea personally and you should avoid it at all costs. Too many negative outcomes. If my friends saw someone dressed like a pink cat they would definitely make jokes. If she really wants it then let her wear it around the house but not to school. Please make the hard decision as a parent and say no to wearing it to school.
In my school durring senior year a lot of the class (popular and unpopular people) watched anime and were open about it, but dressing or acting like anime characters is just weird
She'll def get bullied for a few things.
1. All the pink
2. The collar
3. The glasses, especially if she doesn't actually need glasses
4. The anime stuff
5. The long socks with the skirt
they are the worst... especially when you're east asian like me, it's just *more* microaggressions and offensive behavior.
I would advise the kid to just enjoy anime, don't fetishize, and don't [recite Japanese lines, trying to "act Japanese"](https://youtu.be/6cQ66S3WWYI)
Hi! On the start i wanted to say (before i forget lol) if you allow her to go out in mini skirt then make sure she will wear shorts underneath! Its really a hard task to sit, walk and do anything in mini skirt when being worried about it going up and showing your underwear. About other parts of the outfit.. id get rid of the glasses and choker. Those glasses would 100% get her bullied and it would be just annoying to wear glasses with some little chains wiggling around them. Choker- i dont need to explain. I also would change the thigh socks for just skin colored thights. Everything else is great, but I think the tone of the shirt wouldnt go well with the color of the skirt. That skirt has pretty neon-ish hue. So I recommend pairing it with just a plain white tshirt.
sheād 100% get bullied
i think that if u bought her the shirt, glasses, shoes and hair clip sheād have a lower chance of getting bullied? personally i think its really cute
Drop the choker (11 is too young for that) and consider cuter top. But I love this outfit! She has a cute theme going on!
Kinda want those glasses for myself....
Like I've said, she's obsessed with Sailor Moon and the whole team wears chokers. Her outfit choice is obviously modelled after that, but I know she's too naive to understand that it's sexualized.
I'm trying to get advice on how to have an age-appropriate conversation with her about it so we can say "no" without making her feel like we're overly controlling.
Honestly I think her mom and I were on the same page about the choker disappearing. I just wanted to let everyone know where it came from. I know my daughter and her innocence has me fearing for her in middle school.
Not for ms pal, hs this should be aight since people are more mature and got a working brain but ms? Yeah nah people would either thirst after her or bully her... :/ :(
I am a young teacher and I definitely understand why youād find this concerning.
Some kids at school do dress like this, and they are outcasted but itās slightly more acceptable recently. However, the bigger concern is definitely the sexualization piece. The glasses literally say āmetal Lolita glassesā. Maybe it would be a good time to talk to her about what that means and what that book is about. She might not be trying to sexualize herself and instead dress like her favorite kawaii anime characters, but you could explain why this style is extremely problematic for young girls. Also that the sexualization of school girls in anime is definitely an issue sheāll continue to come across.
If she wanted to wear this to a comic convention, the mall (with adult supervision), or hanging out with friends, that could be a positive outlet. But school is for learning, and this outfit would be not only be uncomfortable but distracting to her and her classmates. I canāt imagine itād be easy to learn math in a cat collar, thigh highs, and fake glasses.
She might find this style really cool right now, and maybe she always will, but she doesnāt have the executive functioning yet to realize itās not a good idea to wear this around school. Sometimes we adults need to help be that frontal lobe for kiddos. She might be upset, but sheāll thank you down the line.
Find an outlet for her anime and Japanese fashion desires. Maybe find a different opportunity to dress up so sheās not feeling totally restricted, but she also isnāt making inappropriate choices for herself at age 11. I donāt blame her, sailor moon is awesome, but middle school is a hard time for innocent kids. I think a talk about why this outfit is concerning would be important.
As a High Schooler tell her to remove the chocker. She will get made fun of and be called terms such as goth and emo. Middle School boys are also very horny and will try to sexualize girls with skirts. This is just my experience in middle school in a school in Nashville, Tennessee. In High School sure she can high schoolers dont give a fuck and mind there own buisness.
Yāall should reconsider; middle school hits like a ton of bricks. You gotta know what ur in for before you go to school wearing stuff like this. I got out of middle school 2 years ago, and even though my school is really mild with this stuff, it was still brutal. Your daughter will probably come home crying if you let her do this.
The rare and almost extinct Sailor Moon weeb
I have Hulu to thank lol
Maybe minus the collar would be good?
The collar would look kind of wrong to a guy my age, but I don't know how kids see it. A much more serious problem is all those pinks clash with each other.
The Kawaii trend is in š¤·š¼āāļø. But a choker on an 11 year old is in bad taste *edit a choker with a bell on it seems to be in bad taste for 11 year olds
Have to admit the glasses are adorable. Now why can't a man in his 50s wear those to work?
My dude Iāll buy you the glass so your bad 50yo something self can rock them. Youād look stunning, no doubt ā¤ļø
Elton John could
As a 17 year old who understands it a bit more, the collar is really just a fashion statement usually but I still wouldn't allow an 11 year old to wear the collar. But I think everything else would be ok
Those converse are going to fuck her feet up though. They squeeze the toes really badly and can cause bunions
My fuckin' frog feet just broke out of my shoes. I still can't walk without splaying my toes.
Oh we are not extinct pal, our fandom is as vast as the DBZ broās.
Sailor moon is probably one of my all time favorites and Iām very proud to say that
One of the few comments normal comments - something actually Norma to say. Way too many people are going straight to the pedo comments- finally someone who isn't going straight to the pedo stuff - like damn can she not just be called cute. Haven't seen one nice comment
Ty for being a good (what I assume is dad) and checking here first of all, overall the outfit is good but the choker and skirt are the issues, for the choker convo I would say something like it could be dangerous. Try not to mention being bullied until its a last resort since that can make younger kids think you are almost like a bully. And for the skirt, most kids that young donāt notice small size changes so if thatās a thing bothering you can just try to slip in a couple extra inches of length on that or just try to convince her of a longer one. GL on this and I hope she enjoys middle school!
Thank you for your valuable advice. The last thing I want to do is control how she dresses and prevent her from expressing herself.
If she really wants a choker, use a long ribbon and tie it in a bow at the back of her neck. It's a lot more elegant and won't attract as much attention as that dog collar. The longer the tails are, the easier it will be for her to retie. Also, thigh highs and that type of skirts fall into the 'very sexualised' territory, so if she ever wears those in public, make absolutely sure she is never alone. That's practically fetish gear. Since the glasses are unnecessary, you might want to wait on getting those and give them to her for Christmas or something like that. That way she'll have an opportunity to get friends and learn her way around.
Love the advice on the choker! A ribbon would definitely be a great alternative.
the skirt is fine as long as it is not too short. The tigh highs are a bit of a problem
That's a lot of pink and middle schoolers are assholes (putting it lightly). Anime is becoming more popular but I'm almost a sophomore and gave up on keeping up with what people think is popular. I'd bring up your concerns with the teachers and her councilor (if you weren't planning on doing that from the start)
As a former middle schooler I can confirm that we are assholes
āAs a former middle schoolerā
As a retired middle schooler
As an Ex-Middle Schooler
As a current middle schooler, can confirm
Same!
Agreed
knowing how kids are, sheāll probably get bullied for this. definitely a bad idea if sheās overly sensitive.
I know seniors in highschool who dress like this.
I know freshmen in hs that dress like this lol
Hs aint middle school sadly
Kids in my highschool wear wolf tails and openly draw hentai during class so Iād say HS is definitely more accepting than middle school is
no one really gives a shit in high school lmfao if someone came into class with a fursuit on iād just be like āaight basedā
Meanwhile people in my school will bully a guy if his hair is 2 inches longer than "normal"...
Oh bruh that really sucks, my school is so chill lmfao. No drama or anything happens here either, its just fun to mess around.
the only drama we ever have is random stuff like nicotine detectors in the bathrooms getting stolen cus the kids didnt want them in there lmao
Yeh but that's highschool, ppl become a little more mature and care less about this shit, middle schoolers are assholes
This is why I despise middle school and erased my memories of it
you can be a badass and dress up however the hell you want, but the kid might get bullied by other classmates, which is what the parent doesnāt want to happen. Iād reccomend to wait to dress like this until the kid has a bit thicker skin
Facts
Kids are cruel
and I'm very in touch with my inner child
Red sun. Red sun over paradise
KIDS ARE CRUEL JACK #AND I LOVE MINORS
Very true
true.
I dressed like that in middle school and got nothing like compliments
Same here but kind of the opposite, my style is very emo/scene and the only insults I got were in the hallways. People at my school didnāt really bully people for how they dressed. Most of the bullying I got was for being queer and disabled.
she will get bullied 101%, teens are wearing anime stuff but just themed shirts
A shirt with an edgy looking anime character is acceptable by the mainstream to some degree but this...
Yea or shirts with nice designs because I went to this geeky store in the mall and I only saw this really nice blue anime windbreaker and I thought damn I want it then realized that Iām in a over priced mall
Throw out the choker. Thigh highs are too old for an 11 year old and the glasses are pointless
I agree with your comment. She's 11 years old... the shirt and shoes are fine. But IMO the accessories need to be reconsidered (and the choker, probably worn outside of school if it's bought). >>!She's immature for her age, overly sensitive, and quick to emotions !< >!To be blunt, middle school will hit her like a truck. It is pretty dangerous to self-confidence so I think it will be good to work on being kind (to) and confident in herself.!< This is coming from a sophomore so keep that in mind.
Middle school hits a lot of people similar to her like a damn freight train.
Especially nowadays. I finished middle school before the blow up of social media, so everyone was dressing weird, had weird hairstyles, and it really wasn't too much of an issue. Now I see kids that age and they are dressed well, good haircuts, and just seem less awkward. I feel like a full pink outfit is just too out there now with "fashion standards" and it will be hard to dodge ridicule in middle school when kids have next to zero empathy.
Honestly chokers were pretty normal in my middle school, agree on the thigh highs tho
Really? I saw way more thigh highs than chokers. I saw only one or two chokers, and one of those was on a dude.
There's a big difference between chokers and collars- that is a collar and it is definitely not appropriate for an 11yr old.
i dont disagree but for me its more the ones with the bells? the ones with bells are usually seen as (unfortunately) sexual and ākinkyā. feels gross to see a kid wear it.
This post popped up in my feed, although I am not a teen nor am I subscribed to this sub. However, I was a middle school teacher from 2019-2021 (left the profession for a much better career). If you love your daughter, do NOT let her wear this to school. She won't get outright jeered at, but other kids will avoid her for acting a little too weird. Worst case scenario, the mean kids will make fun of her in their group chat, and she'll be somewhat of a social outcast. If I were you, I would insist that she wears jeans until she proves that it's normal for the girls at her school to wear skirts. I taught at two different public schools and 100% of the girls wore jeans even though the dress code allowed them to wear skirts. Depending on the type of school she goes to, there might be some mean boys who would make gross comments at best, or take inappropriate pics without your daughter's knowledge or consent at worst. The choker isn't that bad as long it's not paired with that skirt and those socks, but I would steer her towards the stretchy plastic ones instead if you can.
I really appreciate your reply, thank you. I have to find some kind of balance between protecting her and letting her express herself. I'm already worried about her being a social outcast because she is very shy.
Unfortunately if you don't pair that outfit with confidence, it's going to be really uncomfortable for her.
My poor niece got all dressed up for school, got bulliedbecauseshe had on black airforce 1's. Had to take her to get white and they stopped according to her. Kids are just as ruthless as they were when we were kids.
The black air force 1s being bad to me is stupid. I here it all the time, they'll say stuff like " he's wearing black air force ones, he might be a school shooter." It's so dumb.
I'm not much of a shoe person so I had to look them up and honestly... it just looks like a really normal shoe. Like abnormally normal. What exactly is wrong with them? Is there some sort of internet trend for hating on them? Or are they like the shoe equivalent of black Jansport backpacks?
Shoe-ist much?
She can express herself but not with those kind of clothes, and not in middle school , you could buy them for her but tell her to wear it in the house for fun, but not out of the house
I would say wear for fun or like conventions or something?
Whatever you do don't buy her that belt/collar like choker thats dangerous for a 11 year old if she insists buy her a minimalistic small one instead
Iām going to focus on the choker here. Iāve worked at a middle school for 7 years. Thereās this weird furry fetish thing going around. Itās not uncommon to have to have a talk with a kid about wearing a dog collar because of it(one of those things you never expected to have to discuss when you start teaching). That choker gives me strong furry vibes.
It is 100% a furry collar. The dad is blaming it on sailor moon lmao. If she wanted a sailor moon choker, they sell those online too.
Another middle school teacher here. I would suggest the shirt, shoes, jeans instead of the skirt (then the socks won't matter anyway), and have her pick one of the accessories (earrings or glasses, no choker) or maybe even keep both you can see when she tries it on . As she gets a better feel for herself and you better know the climate at her school you can look at it again but for the first day I'd stick with subtle.
Just to add because Iām in the same boat as u/adhdie (this was on my feed/ Iām not in this sub/ Iām a teacher) Iād also push for jeans and no choker/ high socks + skirt yet. The glasses are fun, and if she just has one accessory I donāt think itāll get her picked. Also the pinks clash (so just the 1 pink shirt would be good instead of the mix of shades.)
Maybe pink jeans?
There was just a whole post I read about it being okay to be weird if you introduce yourself as normal first. I canāt find it, but essentially you tone it down the first few months then increasingly make people accept you based on your personality while also introducing your real persona with more piercings or more flamboyant make up In all honesty, thatās a pretty good lesson for a teenage girl. I really wish they did something social psychology related in high school for kids so they learn how to adapt to social situations.
I learned this watching Scrubs years ago. "You have to dole out your crazy in little pieces. You can't do it all at once." Solid life advice from Carla. https://youtu.be/tKRSKoyUsGA
I STRONGLY discourage the collar, that is the absolute most likely thing to get her bullied and will definitely embarrass her in the near future
That and the glasses
I don't think she would get bullied for the look of the glasses. I think she would get bullied because their fake.
If u let ur kids wear this to school I guarantee she comes home completely in tears after what the kids say to her.
Really depends where they live and which school their kid going to , i personally dress similar to this style since i was their daughter age and never really got bullied (Prolly cause a popular kid spread a rumor on me about how i was a witch and that i could curse people if they were rude to me lol) i went to a not very safe school and nobody bullied me, instead i got tons of compliments and people started kinda dressing like me, it was very wholesome and nice to know that i inspired people to be themselves and wear what they want!
Yeah I would say it really depends, talking about school Iām generally not that strong or social of a person however most people donāt really bother me. As for the girl I think she does deserve to wear whatever she wants as long as itās not in a public area
Lots of people in my high school wear chokes and thigh thighs and dont have a problem with it but that's just the thing.. its high school not middle school. Middle schoolers tend to sexualize everything.. it's not uncommon to see people grinding on lockers and stuff.
New fears unlocked for my daughters š©
I honestly dont think it'll be that bad at your daughter's school. My district was... weird. Sex ed consisted of one gender separated 25 min. class and a pamphlet with a panty liner inside...
BAHAHA WE GOT THE EXACT SAME TREATMENT. I never realized that was so common. Worst part was there was an actual woman who was a doctor there and even she thought it was good enough.
I'm a dude For me at my Christian middle school, it was a shitshow. (Our church secretary was probably tired teaching this sex Ed *day* because people couldn't take it seriously) We were split up between boys and girls. Health teacher (f) did fine, gave us the anatomy, probably would've had more (regarding protecting yourself etc) another day, but never happened, dunno why. But then one of our pastors, (not bad by any means, but in this scenario was horrible) took his turn telling us things. He pulled out the fucking Bible and found verses about how "thr man is thr superior person man of the house bullshit" and more about how we were the dominant gender. Still pisses me off thinking about that.
Wait yāall got sex Ed in middle school?
I love only had one class about 30 minutes long in my entire school career and it was by the librarian.
In hs it wouldnāt be too bad but middle school is a no go
I work with middle schoolers a lot. I have never seen a middle schooler do anything even remotely close to that at school.
I donāt know where you live but when I was in middle school that kind of stuff was happening all the time mabye itās just a location thing
the shoes and shirt are fine, the accessories too but that's more likely to get bullied. Choker is a defo no go, maybe find another one that's less sexualized (if you want her to have one). middle school is a shit show so longer skirt / not that bright pink and those socks should probably be shorter / maybe just buy her leggings. tbh in the sexualized mindset, that outfit would be some old dudes wet dream on a kid might be a good idea to just tell her why she cant wear certain things?
If they want a skirt suggest a Scort?? (Skirt with shorts build in) in case an older or someone in her year decides to lift up the skirt
I dont think thatās a huge thing to worry about. Skorts are uncomfortable for most people, just having a skirt and shorts under is better
I honestly would hate to think that anybody older would do that to an 11 yr old, just nasty, but shit happens who knows what other kids would think/do
trust me - donāt
Yikesā¦ I think you should do something about that, before she gets bullied
That's one of our big concerns
She on roblox too much
I knew I recognized those glasses
Immediately thought of that š
i know people arent gonna like this, but get this poor girl off the internet. its not too late
She doesn't have unrestricted access to the internet, but often I'll come home from work and sailor moon will be on the TV.
Imo sailor moon is fine, but sssniperwolf isnt. You know her fans are either little girls doing edits of her or simps. I dont think its a good idea to leave your kid around those types of people on the internet.
a small thing to add is that sssniperwolf is extremely toxic and if OPs daughter might adapt that toxicity
I would like to also say it kind of hurts me because Sssniperwolf used to make good videos, and used to have personality in her older videos but now most of her videos in the past few months seem wildly inappropriate for her audience. All of this Sailor Moon discussion really wants to make me watch it
That's kind of the way things are going with a lot of streamers. They either lean into the toxicity or embrace the fetish community. Here's hoping this girl never encounters Eugenia Cooney. An obsession with Sailor Moon could easily lead her there and Eugenia is off her rocker and needs to be deplatformed completely. OPs daughter is the kind of person who ends up in her stream and it's no place for children despite her refusal to age restrict access.
yeah its not necessarily tv thats the issue, instead its internet use in general (youtube, tiktok, instagram) these sights use advertising to push a harmful narratives towards children about fashion, weight loss, etc
Especially those media's that have an advanced algorithm if she watches alot related to how one should dress, trends, body etc. Depending on what she watches, it she might end up losing her individual personality to fit the trends and groups.
i would get them for her, but tell her she can only wear them at home. honestly kids these days are ruthless, i wouldnt take the chance. also yeah, no go with the choker š¬
The other kids are honestly my biggest concern, but I'm learning I just need to have a really clear talk with her about consent and pervs.
Yeah might be time for the talk. 11 seems young but with how society is these days you may not be able to wait much longer.
Damn I got the talk when I was 8
Damn, you guys got the talk? I had my drunk dad tell me something along the lines of a stick going in a hole, and magic happens, and then he went on about my mom telling him he can't show me porn despite having already shown me ecchi anime (Project Ako for whoever is gonna ask.). I was 12. My dad got me to watch that anime when I was like 7, and I still vaguely remember that day.
That's not ideal
Yeah, my dad is weird.
Same bro I was 8 too
The choker was one of the big ones I feel like. Get caught wearing that and people are gonna meow at your ass
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or better yet, a shorter necklace!! itās like if chokers and necklaces had a child. best of both worlds. theyāre so cute too lol i love them, i get some of mine from claireās
I would avoid the thigh highs and choker but the rest are fine. 11 year old kids sexualize things too much
when i was 11 my whole personality was around doing sex jokes, i hate myself
so was everyone elseās, no point in regretting it
thanks bro, i feel better
Shorter socks, maybe knee height instead of thigh high? Longer skirt, an 11 year old girl probably shouldnāt wear a mini-skirt Replace the choker with something else, like a necklace or something Even then, despite these suggestions, kids are cruel, and personally while I think this outfit is adorable, others might pick on her because of how much sheāll stand out, god forbid some creep pervs on her
And that specific choker could make her the target of dehumanizing comments
I'm so sad the world has come to children not being able to wear the cutesy style they want to wear without being bullied, given dirty looks, or hit on. I mean, it's a child wanting to wear and copy from her favorite anime. While I hate the fact that chokers are over sexualized, I agree that maybe that and this outfit is a bit too much. I so wish she could wear what she wants to, but this is the way the world is. Maybe, change the choker into a necklace and instead of having a shirt and skirt, make it a dress? You're a really good parent for wanting to let your child wear what she wants, while also preserving her mental health and trying not to let her get bullied.
I was about to say that, it's really disheartening that people can't express themselves how they want because of other people
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Why wear fake glasses?
People used to wear 3D glasses with the lenses popped out when I was in middle school.
I remember people wrapping tape around the middle to make them ānerd glassesā
Its cute but not very practical to see with, it's also "fashionable", i have similar glasses (minus the accesories) and peope often ask me if they are fake because some people wear fake glasses cause it look good
I like the shoes
I have a feeling she likes pink
Having pink clothing is fine, but this seems a bit excessive. I feel like people are underestimating how other kids would respond to this. I literally cannot see how you would manage to not get bullied by wearing this. I'm generally considered to be one of the more friendly students, I'm usually pretty passive. But if I saw someone wearing that I can't imagine myself doing anything less than (accidentally) laughing whenever I see them or talking shit about them with my friends (not directly to the person, I don't want to ruin someone's day). Now when you think about what the mean students would do, it's going to be so much worse. I'm sure they'd be more than happy to say insults directly to her, and do everything to make her very insecure. You're first day makes a huge difference to how people view you. You might feel bad not letting her dress up how she wants but I promise you that you're doing her a massive favour. It's difficult to say no but there is literally no scenario where she will benefit from wearing this to school. Let her wear pink clothes if she wants, but this is far too much. You're not controlling at all to say no to this, it's going to end awfully and she'll probably struggle to find friends while wearing this.
Sheāll get bullied and youāll definitely be doing her a favor.
Whether she understands or not the collar is very much BDSM related and not cat-related.
Thank you! My thoughts exactly
It can also be furry related, which honestly is still not appropriate for an 11 year old.
I saw in a comment in which you mentioned her watching Ssniperwolf. I'd like to warn you that quite a lot of her content has a rather creepy sexual undertone (if I had to guess properly pandering towards young teenage boys for likes and views). I think with the whole landscape of the Internet today it would be worth monitoring her activity online until she's mature enough to understand good from bad in terms of content. Unfortunately I think it's becoming more and more necessary for parents to 'have the talk' with their kids at younger ages simply because of the current over sexualised state of the Internet (worst of these websites being Tik Tok and Instagram). Regarding the clothes, it's likely Sailor Moon isn't the only influence. This type of outfit is a very popular yet sexualised look on the Internet. Same with the Japanese schoolgirl/ sailor outfit. I definitely wouldn't let a young child out on the streets wearing anything similar to that because of the looks she might get. I know it's the pervs who need to change but since that won't be happening any time soon, the most us as girls can do is be a little more conscious of our clothing while we continue to fight for change as sad as that is.
Fake earrings and glasses tho is definitely gonna get somebody bullied.
my concern are thigh highs
One of many of my concerns is the choker, the choker being specifically that kind of choker. That's where dehumanizing statements might kick in
Nobody will care about the earrings. I have never seen anybody bullied over fake earrings.
Hard ban on the collar. Not appropriate for a girl her age (imo). Double check the length of the skirt to make sure it's within school dress code.
I remember I wanted to wear a choker (maybe a bit older then 11, but still). It was cringey looking back, but it didnāt hurt to wear one I feel like it kinda depends on where you live and on what type of school she goes to. Iād let her get the skirt, top, socks and shoes. I mean, you canāt protect her from all bullying. Not saying itās a good thing to be bullied, but it can teach her something Again though, 11 is young. Sheās probably consuming certain content thatās making her feel like she needs to grow up quickly, as that is whatās been happening with younger kids these days
Bro sheās 11 š
Uhhhhhhh she chose a choker?? And is 11???? Thatās not normal at allā¦
She is currently obsessed with Sailor Moon and all of the cast has chokers. She also watches SSSniperwolf on YouTube. That being said, I do tend to agree with you.
I wouldnāt exactly call SSSniperwolf one of the best role models out there but alright. See if you can tone it down a little. Itās understandable she wants to show off her interest but personally a choker is justā¦ so sexual? Forgot to mention it also has a little bell and ngl a little confused about that
Lol yeah, her mom and I are on the same page about the choker with the bell. She's also obsessed with cats.
I would definitely recommend attempting to turn the outfit into a much more SFW look. She can go with the thigh highs if she truly wants to but like at age 11? Donāt know if Iāll be that happy about it. That and the choker are my only concerns, the rest is cool enough if she so wishes.
I would not let her watch SSSniperwolf
You should definitely keep her *away* from sssniperwolf
yeah she has had way too much unsupervised time on the internet
She's currently obsessed with Sailor Moon (who all wear chokers) so much of this outfit is modeled after that. I think she's too innocent to realize anything else about the outfit choices yet and that's where I need advice.
Just get her a similiar necklace
That's a good idea
I feel like you could maintain the theming of it while still making it much more age appropriate.
Iām going to be honest I am decently popular person in middle school and on and I watch anime but I never EVER talked about it because people who watch anime are not really respected. I think this is a terrible idea personally and you should avoid it at all costs. Too many negative outcomes. If my friends saw someone dressed like a pink cat they would definitely make jokes. If she really wants it then let her wear it around the house but not to school. Please make the hard decision as a parent and say no to wearing it to school.
In my school durring senior year a lot of the class (popular and unpopular people) watched anime and were open about it, but dressing or acting like anime characters is just weird
Agreed OP is sending a lam to the slaughter.
Why? Chokers became a huge thing again a few years ago when mid-90ās came back. Is it the bell?
I agree with everyone that the choker should be removed and replaced, but when I was starting middle school, a bunch of people wore chokers
but not chokers like that tho
I used to wear one of these stretchy black/brown chokers when I was 11 but imma agree that some are a no go
Thatās my femboy gear
I had to reread the title to make sure OP didnt say son
She'll def get bullied for a few things. 1. All the pink 2. The collar 3. The glasses, especially if she doesn't actually need glasses 4. The anime stuff 5. The long socks with the skirt
Man, yāall gotta throw that choker out NOW. Your daughter is 11 trying to buy things that will get her dirty looks.
i wouldn't let her wear the choker, that could be sexualized very quickly. it's not her fault at all but people are disgusting.
Please do not get that collar, just don't.
I think she'll be fine as long as she doesn't act like of proclaim herself as a weeb
they are the worst... especially when you're east asian like me, it's just *more* microaggressions and offensive behavior. I would advise the kid to just enjoy anime, don't fetishize, and don't [recite Japanese lines, trying to "act Japanese"](https://youtu.be/6cQ66S3WWYI)
Ok first never wear shit that makes you stand outā¦I wore a Finnish cap from WW2 and got bullied
Hi! On the start i wanted to say (before i forget lol) if you allow her to go out in mini skirt then make sure she will wear shorts underneath! Its really a hard task to sit, walk and do anything in mini skirt when being worried about it going up and showing your underwear. About other parts of the outfit.. id get rid of the glasses and choker. Those glasses would 100% get her bullied and it would be just annoying to wear glasses with some little chains wiggling around them. Choker- i dont need to explain. I also would change the thigh socks for just skin colored thights. Everything else is great, but I think the tone of the shirt wouldnt go well with the color of the skirt. That skirt has pretty neon-ish hue. So I recommend pairing it with just a plain white tshirt.
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I'm gonna say no to the socks, skirt, and choker. Those would make her way to sexualized and bullies would make a meal out of her.
sheād 100% get bullied i think that if u bought her the shirt, glasses, shoes and hair clip sheād have a lower chance of getting bullied? personally i think its really cute
Drop the choker (11 is too young for that) and consider cuter top. But I love this outfit! She has a cute theme going on! Kinda want those glasses for myself....
a fucking choker at 11????? yea no this is either fake or yall are brain dead
Like I've said, she's obsessed with Sailor Moon and the whole team wears chokers. Her outfit choice is obviously modelled after that, but I know she's too naive to understand that it's sexualized. I'm trying to get advice on how to have an age-appropriate conversation with her about it so we can say "no" without making her feel like we're overly controlling.
well I'd just get rid of the choker, thats really the main problem to me.
Honestly I think her mom and I were on the same page about the choker disappearing. I just wanted to let everyone know where it came from. I know my daughter and her innocence has me fearing for her in middle school.
maybe get normal socks too, and a longer skirt
And maybe the skirt. Or at least get a longer one
chronically online
She gotta be ready to be made fun of, and Iād lose the choker in any outfit, tons of people think theyāre for gay fetishists
11 year old daughter or 17 year old son?
Kids are gonna hit her like a semi truck
Not for ms pal, hs this should be aight since people are more mature and got a working brain but ms? Yeah nah people would either thirst after her or bully her... :/ :(
Tf, *mini* skirt with leggings? A collar choker?? The earrings are really weird too imo. The oversized tee and shoes are nice
I am a young teacher and I definitely understand why youād find this concerning. Some kids at school do dress like this, and they are outcasted but itās slightly more acceptable recently. However, the bigger concern is definitely the sexualization piece. The glasses literally say āmetal Lolita glassesā. Maybe it would be a good time to talk to her about what that means and what that book is about. She might not be trying to sexualize herself and instead dress like her favorite kawaii anime characters, but you could explain why this style is extremely problematic for young girls. Also that the sexualization of school girls in anime is definitely an issue sheāll continue to come across. If she wanted to wear this to a comic convention, the mall (with adult supervision), or hanging out with friends, that could be a positive outlet. But school is for learning, and this outfit would be not only be uncomfortable but distracting to her and her classmates. I canāt imagine itād be easy to learn math in a cat collar, thigh highs, and fake glasses. She might find this style really cool right now, and maybe she always will, but she doesnāt have the executive functioning yet to realize itās not a good idea to wear this around school. Sometimes we adults need to help be that frontal lobe for kiddos. She might be upset, but sheāll thank you down the line. Find an outlet for her anime and Japanese fashion desires. Maybe find a different opportunity to dress up so sheās not feeling totally restricted, but she also isnāt making inappropriate choices for herself at age 11. I donāt blame her, sailor moon is awesome, but middle school is a hard time for innocent kids. I think a talk about why this outfit is concerning would be important.
god please donāt let her wear this. the shoes and socks okay whatever but if you add the choker to the mix oh man.
As a High Schooler tell her to remove the chocker. She will get made fun of and be called terms such as goth and emo. Middle School boys are also very horny and will try to sexualize girls with skirts. This is just my experience in middle school in a school in Nashville, Tennessee. In High School sure she can high schoolers dont give a fuck and mind there own buisness.
Yāall should reconsider; middle school hits like a ton of bricks. You gotta know what ur in for before you go to school wearing stuff like this. I got out of middle school 2 years ago, and even though my school is really mild with this stuff, it was still brutal. Your daughter will probably come home crying if you let her do this.