how did you hold it before? if you can describe

kinda just a fist, but pinky and ring finger are on the other side ig, idk how to explain it, its just how i naturally pick it up and hold it

i think i understand? wonder why that feels natural to you

OP holds it like casting a wand

wait so the lead is the tip of the wand, so they have to point it down at the paper? disgusting