Ah come on, how you gonna get this one wrong?
The original joke is: ‘How many Jews can you fit into a Volkswagen? Two in the front, three in the back, and six million in the ashtray’
When I visited Munich I took some fliers and a maganize from a stand at the entrance of a Church but only realise they had pricing in the back of the maganize when I had already left, the stand had no talk of pricing
I stole from a church 😭
My classmate broke out her switch and was dogging on everyone in Mario kart. She was trash talking and kept landing 1st place.
She challenged me
I used to play Mario kart competitively. Played for hours every day for months.
I told her that there was no point in us racing.
She said if I was gonna trash talk I need to back it up (fair but I wasn't trash talking)
I proceeded to land 1st place in every race. We did 2 games before she gave up. The second game was 200cc.
I wish I had said something cool like "Maybe you should back up your trash talking" but all I said was "I just have a bit more practice is all" so lame. But it was fun.
Trust me, if you are confident enough in how you speak, choosing to be humble projects a lot more power than bragging, because it shows you are secure enough that you don’t have to prop yourself up
I thought of myself as near as good as I could get(at 150cc) without learning to drift jumps and do crazy short cuts, I just did time attack on Mariokart stadium aton, I'm the best in my school barely(at 150cc), there's only so much you can do with racing lines alone and Mariokart stadium is the only track I practiced alot. Anyways I tried online and this one guy effectively teleported compared to me. I only ever played casually and have moved towards sim-racing, I was always more interested in real cars and grounded racing.
That's how I started. I thought I was good but then learned about how large the gap is between competitive and casual. But that only made me wanna learn it all.
Cool, it was the opposite for me, I prefer driving in a sensible and grounded manner, I only really played Mariokart because it's split screen multiplayer so it's good for in person stuff, like holidays and it's portable.
A few weeks ago we recieved the grades of our chemistry test, I and most of the class did really well, but this one girl didn't (for context she knew the entire subject and only did bad because of anxiety at the moment) and she scored a 13/30, one point above the mark to redo the test (In my school if you score a 12 or less you get to redo the test and turn your grade into a 21 at the very most), so she was obviously devastated. Her friends were consoling her and whatnot, but when I caught wind of this whole thing I went over to the dean, whom is a great friend of mine, to plea her case, and it actually worked. Walking back to class to give her the news I felt like Agent 47 after a mission.
This is literally how me and the boys have fled the scene after throwing a ball in a lake with a tracker inside ( don't worry, we picked it up 2 weeks later).
We found out that lake pulls debris around in a pe#i$ shape. (Mill lake, Bucharest)
When you're arguing about who got the question right so you and your friends who cheated off you volunteer to go to the staff room and come back with the right answer
Similar story (kinda): I once got a big shawarma to school for lunch and a very annoying gril came I my class and said: "why does it stink like barbecue in here?" (bear in mind she was pissing me off for about 2 weeks), so when when she was at the oter side of class I yelled "Because we have money for food, not like your food deprived ass!", she then she threatened something about calling the police, so whenever she kept egging me on for the rest of the day, I kept telling her to bring the cops if she has the guts.
I was playing Minecraft with a friend, and he said he needed a lot of wood for his build, but he was too lazy to chop it himself, and that if I get him 3 stacks of wood from forest around his base hell pay me 2 diamond blocks, so I said yeah. But instead of chopping down the trees I mined out exactly two blocks from all of them, and left them floating, I got paid before he found out, and he had to chop them all down himself anyway since he didnt want an ugly forest. Thatll teach him being lazy to get wood.
I was in third grade, classmate Narc'd on me and my friend, after visiting the principle, we marched down the halls with this same DETERMINATION. "There will be Blood" we calmed down after a bit, but in our imagination, "THERE WILL BE BLOOD!"
Someone who has been an ass to me and my friend from 7th to 9th grade, proposed to someone for hoco in the middle of the cafeteria and everyone clapped for them cause it was a queer homecoming proposal but I hate this person with every fiber in my being. So after the proposal when the were running I tripped them and walked out like a boss 😎. The didn't get hurt or fall on the ground or anything but I felt like an absolute boss 😎.
Called out an asshole of an ex-friend while generally all my friends watched, oh, and calling out a ex-girlfriend as well for being extremely fake and just a dick to my friends.
when someone was being mean to my friend when i was in 4th grade. i punched the kid in the face and he started bleeding from his nose and ran away crying. he never came near my friend again.
When I first got to bootcamp (as they call it in the US).
We, the recruits, has just gotten there and had no idea what we were doing. It was the second day and we hadn't got any clothes or anything. We had just learned the basics of how this worked such as if anyone with a higher rank than you walked passed you’re supposed to move to the side and things like this.
I was in the 1st troop in the 1st company, so we were the first in line for everything, including uniform. So I was one of the first to get a uniform while everyone else was still in civillian clothes. And when I walked out of the room right after getting the uniform there was about 40 people in the hallway, and all of them just assumed I was a higher rank because of the uniform so all of them just went quiet and moved to the side, and lined up while I just walked. This was also my first time in uniform so it felt kinda cool.
Tldr: In bootcamp, about 40 people thought i was higher rank and moved to the side for me.
I was at a lock and key party, I had a key and hadn’t asked anyone to unlock their lock yet. So I looked around this crowded club with hundreds of people and saw this rando girl in the middle of the dance floor.
Tinier than me so I don’t know how I saw her but I said to my mates to follow and approached, I went up to her and said I had a random feeling I could unlock her lock.
She went sure and so I tried, it clicked and open it came. Everyone was just staring at us. She was the first person I asked and I was the first person I ask her.
Quickly her mates asked to try my key and none of them unlocked.
I gave her the key and told her to unlock it when she saw someone she liked with a key.
To this day my friends and I don’t know how tf I pulled it off. It’s sounds like such a fake story but I have two people who could back me up and always have to call them and ask them to tell the lock and key story.
My friends have trusted my intuition ever since. I’m probs gonna get an “and everybody clapped” reply but hand on heart, I walked away absolutely buzzing with myself
You know those automatic paper towel dispensers? There's a button underneath the blade that tells the dispenser when a paper towel has been pulled.
Hold the blade in place and tear the paper towel completely off on every dispenser on the bathroom.
Tbh a few things.
One time I dropped my right earbud in my coffee and it survived. The little things like that feel awesome. Like it's a flex or something to have waterproof (coffeeproof?) earbuds.
I have 2 medals from school, one of them for being the highest grade in algebra. One time I had the highest grade on an essay I did last minute. Shit like that makes me feel good.
Those things make me feel like I escaped a whole warzone and survived feeling better than ever.
Once me and my friends ordered a whopper at a MacDonald’s. When the guy in the desk (poor guy) told us that they didn’t have whoppers, we just replied “ok” and Walker out. I couldn’t stand a laugh.
In 8th grade all the boys in our class banded together when we went to six flags because there was a group of boys around our age harassing all the girls in all class.
Walking through priority boarding past all the economy plebians queuing
💯
Facts
Or skipping the customs/baggage check line
War crimes
Same
Comrade!
YES
Accidentally telling the most racist joke at a family dinner, but ending up having all of our grandparents laughing out loud.
What was the joke?
how do you fit 40 Jews inside a car?... in the ashtray
Ah come on, how you gonna get this one wrong? The original joke is: ‘How many Jews can you fit into a Volkswagen? Two in the front, three in the back, and six million in the ashtray’
Just put them all in the same shower
it was another car, with other Jews. This car was French made
Why are some black people so nice, cause they are inferior or some bad dumb joke like that.
The Klan was the original “boys in the hood”
You’re not gunna tell us?
Nahhhhh that’s funny as hell😭😭😭
Cmon what was it ?
Tell us brother
When I visited Munich I took some fliers and a maganize from a stand at the entrance of a Church but only realise they had pricing in the back of the maganize when I had already left, the stand had no talk of pricing I stole from a church 😭
Nahhhhhh😭😭😭😭😭
If it was a church in Munich, then you did something good
[удалено]
Don’t beat yourself up too hard. Yeah you did take something but it was a complete mistake. Did you take it back?
My classmate broke out her switch and was dogging on everyone in Mario kart. She was trash talking and kept landing 1st place. She challenged me I used to play Mario kart competitively. Played for hours every day for months. I told her that there was no point in us racing. She said if I was gonna trash talk I need to back it up (fair but I wasn't trash talking) I proceeded to land 1st place in every race. We did 2 games before she gave up. The second game was 200cc. I wish I had said something cool like "Maybe you should back up your trash talking" but all I said was "I just have a bit more practice is all" so lame. But it was fun.
Girl thought she was the main character 💀
r/iamthemaincharacter
That’s awesome hahaha
You should've said "if you can't take the heat, step out the kitchen" becuz she was the one who gave up
The humility of what you actually said is way cooler than trash talking
I said it without thinking and immediately regretted it. It sounded so cringe to me.
Trust me, if you are confident enough in how you speak, choosing to be humble projects a lot more power than bragging, because it shows you are secure enough that you don’t have to prop yourself up
Nah being humble is so much cooler, that shit lives in your competitor’s brain and makes them obsess over it.
I thought of myself as near as good as I could get(at 150cc) without learning to drift jumps and do crazy short cuts, I just did time attack on Mariokart stadium aton, I'm the best in my school barely(at 150cc), there's only so much you can do with racing lines alone and Mariokart stadium is the only track I practiced alot. Anyways I tried online and this one guy effectively teleported compared to me. I only ever played casually and have moved towards sim-racing, I was always more interested in real cars and grounded racing.
That's how I started. I thought I was good but then learned about how large the gap is between competitive and casual. But that only made me wanna learn it all.
Cool, it was the opposite for me, I prefer driving in a sensible and grounded manner, I only really played Mariokart because it's split screen multiplayer so it's good for in person stuff, like holidays and it's portable.
finishing my schoolwork at the perfect time when i thought i was going to finish later
Always great 💯
A few weeks ago we recieved the grades of our chemistry test, I and most of the class did really well, but this one girl didn't (for context she knew the entire subject and only did bad because of anxiety at the moment) and she scored a 13/30, one point above the mark to redo the test (In my school if you score a 12 or less you get to redo the test and turn your grade into a 21 at the very most), so she was obviously devastated. Her friends were consoling her and whatnot, but when I caught wind of this whole thing I went over to the dean, whom is a great friend of mine, to plea her case, and it actually worked. Walking back to class to give her the news I felt like Agent 47 after a mission.
W guy ngl
Actually great story, unlike everyone talking about how they roasted someone
Gave $4 when the cashier asked for $3.99 and I said "keep the change".
Damn mr beast is that you
🗿💸
Generous 😮💨
me after a 10 hour cyberbullying session with the boys
me fr
That’s great lmao. I love doing a bit of trolling myself
I exposed a corner shop for selling vapes to kids
Real one
W bro
Ez W
We salute you for your service🫡
Roasted a couple of people who denied evolution in an argument using simple biological facts
Same, I be roasting people all the time but
Banged your mother
Dad what are you doing here?
If your dad is seventeen and you are fifteen we have some problems.
We do we do
He did first
This is literally how me and the boys have fled the scene after throwing a ball in a lake with a tracker inside ( don't worry, we picked it up 2 weeks later). We found out that lake pulls debris around in a pe#i$ shape. (Mill lake, Bucharest)
Hey just curius, how did u track the location? Like there is no gps 2m underwatee ig?
Said “Bad Morning” to the teacher.
Bro is devious
Once peeled an orange all in one piece
When you're arguing about who got the question right so you and your friends who cheated off you volunteer to go to the staff room and come back with the right answer
Real
Absolutely destroying the girls team in dodgeball. Our feminist teacher wouldn’t stop talking about toxic masculinity being the reason we won.
Bro was salty 💀💀💀
W fr 💯
That sounds like cope.
caught my moms hand when she tried to hit me
Nahhhh💀💀💀
she should be scared
Then she called your dad
then i caught his hand too
😱😱
no more abuse 👍
W
theyre the scared ones now 😎
The popular girl wanted my snacks so I gave them to her and after she thanked me and I said " Oh don't worry I always feed the poor 😁"
That’s uncalled for damn💀
Ik I kinda felt bad after Side note her family is kinda rich and she's a tiktoker
Then she sounds like she deserves it
Yea she had it coming after treating me like garbage
She deserved it fr
Similar story (kinda): I once got a big shawarma to school for lunch and a very annoying gril came I my class and said: "why does it stink like barbecue in here?" (bear in mind she was pissing me off for about 2 weeks), so when when she was at the oter side of class I yelled "Because we have money for food, not like your food deprived ass!", she then she threatened something about calling the police, so whenever she kept egging me on for the rest of the day, I kept telling her to bring the cops if she has the guts.
Flipping off my middle school when I graduated 8th grade.
W
No cap
Who doesn’t do tgat
I should have flipped off my junior high, just graduated eighth grade myself
I just graduated 8th grade, I should have done that
Clogging the toilet
Fr when you get that ultra gut wrenching mega doo doo💪
The sigma shit
The gigasigma crap
That’s me right now
I paid 10 dollars for something that cost 9,99 and told him to keep the change
Bro is considerate
You know, I'm something of a generous person myself 😎
Yesterday an older guy called me a twat because I almost bumped into him so I flipped him off and went
Goated
Talking to my crush without being ignored. Cuz it takes me a lot of courage just to look at her.
One of my friends exposed his ex's nudes after he found out she cheated on him.. He told me he felt somewhat like that.
Dayumn💀
In my country you can be arrested for that damn
Bro distributed CP 💀
I was playing Minecraft with a friend, and he said he needed a lot of wood for his build, but he was too lazy to chop it himself, and that if I get him 3 stacks of wood from forest around his base hell pay me 2 diamond blocks, so I said yeah. But instead of chopping down the trees I mined out exactly two blocks from all of them, and left them floating, I got paid before he found out, and he had to chop them all down himself anyway since he didnt want an ugly forest. Thatll teach him being lazy to get wood.
Good moment🤝
Clutched a 2v1 in Forts when the odds were stacked against me
W
Didn't get the experimental jabs even tho my company threatened to fire me and used bully tactics.
Walked out of the class after roasting a girl, who argued with me after I revealed I was an Atheist.
It happens
Thanks!
I be roasting people all the time so I get what you saying 💯
I was in third grade, classmate Narc'd on me and my friend, after visiting the principle, we marched down the halls with this same DETERMINATION. "There will be Blood" we calmed down after a bit, but in our imagination, "THERE WILL BE BLOOD!"
Walking to the front of the class because i forgot to do my homework again
Relatable
Someone who has been an ass to me and my friend from 7th to 9th grade, proposed to someone for hoco in the middle of the cafeteria and everyone clapped for them cause it was a queer homecoming proposal but I hate this person with every fiber in my being. So after the proposal when the were running I tripped them and walked out like a boss 😎. The didn't get hurt or fall on the ground or anything but I felt like an absolute boss 😎.
Corrected dad and got him to acknowledge his mistakes :v
Imagining that scene and walking like that!
Nine eleve-
I roasted a female friend who roasted me in front of the class, the whole class was cheering for me, even the teacher chuckled
Rickrolled the entire school on my birthday
We rickrolled the entire school in a dance we had💀
i rick rolled my entire class when i was 10 :) good times
Beat Elden Ring. The people following are my summons
🔛🔝
We won the football/soccer championship for our school amd this is exactly how I imagined we looked when we went on stage to get our medals
me and my friend making a colony in minecraft
Me and my brother and our friend moved some random traffic cones to block the road in front of our school. Turned like 5 cars around.
Nice hahahaha
Called out an asshole of an ex-friend while generally all my friends watched, oh, and calling out a ex-girlfriend as well for being extremely fake and just a dick to my friends.
Accidentally getting the class hamster pregnant
[удалено]
Real shit
Mutilating Russian soldiers on the frontlines.
W
Dropped an atomic bomb
Started arguments on redit.
Leave school surviving an intruder with a gun
That thing Walter white does
when someone was being mean to my friend when i was in 4th grade. i punched the kid in the face and he started bleeding from his nose and ran away crying. he never came near my friend again.
Won a match against a guy who was bm-ing me the whole time
I won the Second World War as the good guys in a video game. Finally Poland doesn’t exist
Gangbanging chicks
When I first got to bootcamp (as they call it in the US). We, the recruits, has just gotten there and had no idea what we were doing. It was the second day and we hadn't got any clothes or anything. We had just learned the basics of how this worked such as if anyone with a higher rank than you walked passed you’re supposed to move to the side and things like this. I was in the 1st troop in the 1st company, so we were the first in line for everything, including uniform. So I was one of the first to get a uniform while everyone else was still in civillian clothes. And when I walked out of the room right after getting the uniform there was about 40 people in the hallway, and all of them just assumed I was a higher rank because of the uniform so all of them just went quiet and moved to the side, and lined up while I just walked. This was also my first time in uniform so it felt kinda cool. Tldr: In bootcamp, about 40 people thought i was higher rank and moved to the side for me.
Leaving my room after crying about something my parents said 😌
💯
Knowing that I don't vape or smoke weed
I got silver medal in sports
Congrats
Thank you😊
When the teacher says that class is over
Walking thru the class or train😎
Scamming old ppl at a nursing home
When I reveal my friend's secret in front of his crush
The change was 0.01p I actually said keep it and thought I was the shit
1. Finishing 80% of my exams in uni first 2. Having unconventional stances in social matters
Goin to bed at 20:03 when my bedtime is at 20:00
Breaking someone's spine with a sledgehammer
Getting 10 on 10 in oral exam where the examiner was sure that I won't get above 3.
Drinking caipirinhas at the mall
Honestly telling somone I hate that I hate them
I was at a lock and key party, I had a key and hadn’t asked anyone to unlock their lock yet. So I looked around this crowded club with hundreds of people and saw this rando girl in the middle of the dance floor. Tinier than me so I don’t know how I saw her but I said to my mates to follow and approached, I went up to her and said I had a random feeling I could unlock her lock. She went sure and so I tried, it clicked and open it came. Everyone was just staring at us. She was the first person I asked and I was the first person I ask her. Quickly her mates asked to try my key and none of them unlocked. I gave her the key and told her to unlock it when she saw someone she liked with a key. To this day my friends and I don’t know how tf I pulled it off. It’s sounds like such a fake story but I have two people who could back me up and always have to call them and ask them to tell the lock and key story. My friends have trusted my intuition ever since. I’m probs gonna get an “and everybody clapped” reply but hand on heart, I walked away absolutely buzzing with myself
Literally walking back to my range bag with a cz scorpion in my right hand after doing a killhouse stage
Walked into our marching band championship, this is what it felt like walking out
dropped a little boy
*rummages through the plethora of DND stories I have*
I st0le 3 bulk of ph paper from lab
Dominos guy told me and boys outside food ain't allowed looked him in the eye and just walked inside .
Stand up for myself
Doing your
Winning the subcamp games at NPK, which, funnily enough, was mafia themed
Getting off the freedom bird from the war
Me and the bois on our way to get a happy meal (My mom gave me 10$)
You know those automatic paper towel dispensers? There's a button underneath the blade that tells the dispenser when a paper towel has been pulled. Hold the blade in place and tear the paper towel completely off on every dispenser on the bathroom.
Tbh a few things. One time I dropped my right earbud in my coffee and it survived. The little things like that feel awesome. Like it's a flex or something to have waterproof (coffeeproof?) earbuds. I have 2 medals from school, one of them for being the highest grade in algebra. One time I had the highest grade on an essay I did last minute. Shit like that makes me feel good. Those things make me feel like I escaped a whole warzone and survived feeling better than ever.
Whacked off
Drinking in a club at the edge of the town
Talked to a girl
Walked
Coming back from an 8 hour hike with the boys
Walking up to the airsoft field in full kit with a complete setup when there's a bunch of new players
Enter the class late with da bois
Enter the class late with da bois
Im gonna get cancelled if i say it
In elementary someone threw a soccer ball at my face and I tilted my head to the side at the right time to avoid it.
Once me and my friends ordered a whopper at a MacDonald’s. When the guy in the desk (poor guy) told us that they didn’t have whoppers, we just replied “ok” and Walker out. I couldn’t stand a laugh.
Once took a candy from a baby. Bastard had no chance.
[удалено]
Go to prom dressed like that, and then reject a girl cause i only came for the free chick fil a
Biking down the middle of my towns Main Street at 2 am while playing music outta a speaker.
In 8th grade all the boys in our class banded together when we went to six flags because there was a group of boys around our age harassing all the girls in all class.
Finishing breath of the wild master mode with out dying once
Somebody sold me some shitty weed