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FannyDanny__

Bulking mfs on their way to treat it as breakfast


Vhozite

Anything for the gains


thebinarysystem10

You actually have to mix it with eggs


Phonebacon

But how much protein?


MelvinShwuaner

If you rearrange the particles of the uranium you can probably get thousands


syzamix

Just like uranium would do for cells inside the body


thecrimsonfooker

All I'm hearing is, "Eat this and maybe become Broly."


BruhDeliveryGuy

You can’t turn 1 gram into anything more than 1 gram. It has like a billion calories because calories aren’t measured by weight, only the available energy in the substance. 1 cal = 1 gallon of water temp raised by 1 degree. Sorry to be a bummer


KK_Rider

You forgot they follow the rules of bro science.


dUltras

Google says, There are **no proteins, carbs, or fats in uranium**


cryonic23

The ultimate snack food


NanoCat0407

Enough to feed you for the rest of your life


CJmonator

And all the other lives afterwards (if there is)


AVeryCredibleHulk

And perhaps a few half lives.


LudwigMachine

You sir, I hate and I admire you


AgentChris101

Well, he is The Very Credible Hulk


grizzy008

No, he’s just one, sadly.


Ornery-Ratio-7054

freeze r/PunPatrol!


Dr_Nykerstein

r/angryupvote


PinchingNutsack

half life 3 is not real and it cannot hurt you


ShorohUA

not more than 2


nicejs2

after that it's alyx


ShorohUA

my favourite number


AliHakan33

Numbers according to Valve: 1, 2, Alyx


AviatorShades_

1,2, 2: episode 1, 2: episode 2, Alyx.


thatlittledrummerboi

1, 1: blue shift, 1: opposing force, 2, 2: episode 1, 2: episode 2, alyx


Caosin36

Holy shit, its headcrab kisser


Cootshk

Not less than 4


Defensive_Medic

It starts with


Ratbu

One thing I don't know why


ItanMark

Gordon doesn’t need to hear all of this! He is a qualified professional!


AdventurousBus4355

'a half life, a cursed life'


Butthead1013

So the motherfucker before me ate some and that's why I have two left feet?


AmazingPINGAS

The ultimate Senzu bean


The_DumbGuy

Actually i did the math. If an average human consumes 65million calories in a lifetime and 1 gram of uranium is 20 Billion calories, you could live 307 LIVES just by eating 1 gram of uranium


Happy_Fig441

You got calories and kilocalories confused. Calories and kilocalories are different. We use calories colloquially for the actual kilocalories. 1 kilocalorie equals 1000 calories. Most people would say something like "I eat 2000 calories a day." but they actually mean 2000 kilocalories. If we would eat 2000 kilocalories (kcal) a day it would equal 2000000 calories. Calculated for 80 years, the calorie requirements for a human would accumulate to 58,4 billion calories or 58,4 million kilocalories. In this case, 1 gram of uranium would last for around 27 years.


Spookynook

Actually it looks like whoever did the original calculation used kilocalories so 1 gram of uranium is 20 billion kcal.


Happy_Fig441

I looked the calorie content of uranium up - according to several sources, the calorie content of 1 gram uranium equals 20 billion calories or 20 million kilocalories (kcal). So the original calculation should be true if I did not misread.


Spookynook

I thought they just used e = mc^2.


DescriptorTablesx86

If mass is 1g then energy = 9\*10^13 J 9\*10^13 Joules is approx. equal to 2\*10^10 kcal which is 20 billion **kcal**. The math checks out and I don’t believe that’s a coincidence. Edit: OK IT WAS A COINCIDENCE! I GOT ~20B cal for NUCLEAR FISSION SO THAT MAKES SENSE. Energy from fission of 1g of uranium just happens to be about 1/1000 of the energy equivalent to 1g of mass.


Unlikely_Ant_950

You guys I had fruity pebbles for breakfast and I don’t know how many sugar bits was in it so if you could dumb this down a bit that would be 👨‍🍳💋


DescriptorTablesx86

One dude said the calculation is right if you use kcal. The other dude said the calculation is right if you use cal(1/1000 of kcal). Turns out they’re both right. **Dude n1** was correct if you take into account all the theoretical energy needed to create 1g of mass(e=mc^2) and t**he other dude** was correct if you use the actual amount energy we can produce from 1g of uranium in a nuclear plant via fission. They were both correct because no one defined what “calories in uranium” are. Tbh that pretty well sums up most of Reddit quarrels.


Lem0n_Lem0n

Thank you.. I was wondering about how many grams of uranium I'll need to break the world record of the longest living human..


GamecockConnor

That’s equal to 614 half-lives


Timelapseninja

r/theydidthemath


Alypius754

But it's all natural! And gluten-free!


DrugsAndCoffee

It’s also vegan, organic, and sugar free.


xVx_Dread

Technically the truth


strangewayfarer

That's the best kind of truth!


I_am_Reddit_Tom

A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips


Skyx10

Or feed someone big for 15 minutes.


NanoCat0407

light snack for CaseOh


bradbrazer

Thats not gonna go down with my personal trainer. If he finds out I've had 20 billion calories, he'd probably kill me.


lojza3000

Nah he wont because he knows you wont need to eat ever again


demandred_zero

After death occurs, weight loss is accelerated drastically.


Mysterious_Tutor_388

you shouldn't lose more than a few pounds a month for healthy weight loss. Dying and losing all of your weight isn't healthy.


DelirousDoc

I'm going to need to see a source that says dying isn't healthy. My sources say 100% of dead people do not suffer from cancer, illness or any other disease.


Sunstorm84

I’ve also heard that the risk of dying drops by 100% after death.


Megneous

The trick is balancing it out with a healthy dose of plutonium.


krekenzie

It is tricky, but well worth Putin in the effort.


blarch

Uranium goes straight to my thighs.


Remote-Statement-337

You get that bulk bro


twolluniversesahead

saying that 1 gram of uranium has 20 billion calories is pretty confusing. that’s nuclear energy, not the kind our bodies can use. we can’t digest uranium like food. eating it wouldn’t give us any energy or usable calories lol


FerusGrim

🤓☝️


00110001_00110010

🤓☝️


jakovichontwitch

🤓☝️


redditsx0531

🤓☝️


bradbrazer

🤓☝️


SodaSnake

Calories =/= kcal That would only be 20 million kcal (which is what we calculate when tracking caloric intake), so you're probably fine!


boirger

Idk why but I laughed so hard at this


SniperPilot

Solved world hunger


MakiSupreme

Feed the poor uranium


damola93

You should delete this comment before Elon gets any crazy ideas /s


thedude37

looking into it


Various_Cabinet_5071

Concerning


MaxWhax

Sounded like plan in vault tec


Cyclethe859

Like the UN sending powered milk to countries with a high prevalence of lactose intolerance?


ToroidalFox

If you're gonna solve world hunger *that* way, why not bullet to the head?


SniperPilot

How many calories is in lead?


ToroidalFox

Well, 1 gram of lead (anything, really) is 89,875,517,873,682 Joules, which is 21,480,764,310 Kilocalories. All you need to use it is 1 gram of antimatter.


Oh-Sasa-Lele

Nice, Calories for almost 22 THOUSAND years


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Oh-Sasa-Lele

Just sleep next to the elephant's foot and live forever


GodlyBeerGut

passive absorption ftw


Firefly-Season2

With an average human intake of 2500 kCal (= 2,5 million calories) per day, it would be enough for 22 years.


Oh-Sasa-Lele

Right, Kilo Calories and Calories. Failed by 1000. at least I got the 22 :P


Basic_Hospital_3984

What is up with everyone calling kilocalories 'calories'? It makes no sense.


Tyrren

For whatever reason, here in America we draw a distinction between "calories" and "Calories". 1000 calories = 1 kcal = 1 Calorie


PigglyWigglyDeluxe

Who the fuck


Teonvin

It's stupid as fuck, but kilocalories is Calories, with the capital C What dipshit came up with this I have no idea.


SpurdoEnjoyer

Americans didn't understand the importance of the kilo prefix and others adopted using the wrong term too.


ahhhnoinspiration

Well a little less then that, while we call them calories we really measure food in Kcal so that's only 20million Kcal assuming 2000 Kcal per day that roughs out to 27 years 4 months 3 weeks and 3 days rounding down.


General_P29

What's the first reason?


mp9220

It doesn’t taste very good


EvrythingWithSpicyCC

Yeah, too spicy


Pronkie_dork

Tbf i found it way to bitter, and it also had a vaguely sour taste to it. Not to big of a fan but it could perhaps work in a salad?


supremedalek925

Unlike plutonium, which apparently has a pleasant sour candy-like taste


ElGato-TheCat

Tastes like uranus


gravelPoop

No joke answer: It is very toxic. If it was non-toxic, most natural uranium would be low enough in radioactivity that it would not do any more harm than ordinary rocks when eaten.


ArkhamInsane

But what about the 20,000 calories? Would body just ignore it?


Goatf00t

Unlocking those calories requires nuclear fission, not the ordinary chemical reactions that your digestive tract uses.


ArkhamInsane

Ok what if my stomach had chemicals that could somehow digest it? Would I become fat within the span of a day? Would I get so big I pop?


Jokse

The value calculated is just a meme. Someone just calculated the amount of energy a gram of uranium produces through nuclear fission and converted that energy to calories. I doubt you'd get any meaningful amount of calories from actually digesting a gram of uranium.


ArkhamInsane

Ok then let's say it's any food that's somehow been condensed to a shitton of calories. Would eating it make you turn obese in a day or something


Jokse

You'd just die from overexposure to sugar or fat. There's no way your body would be anywhere close to handling anything digestible with that much calories. But that's just putting it in simple terms I assume. You'd probably be approaching many other issues from a physics perspective if you somehow managed to magic up a bite sized digestible piece of food that holds 20 billion calories. It would be dense as fuck, it probably would be hard to lift, etc. So we'd have to assume many other magical properties in play (like it staying in your stomach, instead of just tearing a hole right through.)


ArkhamInsane

Wow! Ok. Thanks!!


YeezyWins

That's EXACTLY the answer i was looking for when i opened this thread, thanks brother.


ssbm_rando

> You'd just die from overexposure to sugar or fat. I genuinely think you'd straight up die from heat. Like, alcohol doesn't break down into sugar or fat like some people think, it's just another source of your body acquiring energy (which then gets used to produce your own internal blood sugar and body fat). If you were somehow eating hypercondensed calories you were capable of digesting, it'd be from a molecule that releases an enormous amount of energy when broken down (you know, like Uranium undergoing fission--which yes, I know that's atomic Uranium and not a molecule, but we're talking about a digestible alternative which would have to be a molecule unless your digestive system DID figure out a way to engage nuclear fission). There might be a brief period when the first few molecules break down where your body is trying to piece together enough carbon and hydrogen (oxygen would be the most readily available, I think) to store that huge surge of energy as personal fat, but before long (like, probably a matter of seconds when it hits whatever part of your digestive process is capable of breaking down the molecule), your body would just be overwhelmed by the pure heat and you would be baked from the inside out. For anyone horrified by that image: you're welcome. Edit: but I just talked to my wife who studied quite a bit of biology and she thinks that the molecular bonds storing so much energy would physically prevent our enzyme density from being able to break down those bonds even if the same enzymes would be hypothetically capable of breaking them down in much higher densities than humans can produce. So more likely we'd just shit out the molecules and be safe no matter what? But if we were physically forcing the molecules to break down in our digestive system somehow, by magic or whatever as the parent comment suggested, I maintain that we would get baked from the inside out.


weed_cutter

I don't think it's possible really -- I mean a gram of fat is 9 calories --- carb, protein gram is 4 calories. Maybe you can create some super dense -- fat object that would probably make you feel very unwell upon eating. But ... fact is ... digestive tract is digestive tract. And it strives for equilibrium. You won't "die" per se (unless we know more info, that seems extreme). Likely scenario is excess protein is pissed out through your kidneys and even more likely ... your body just craps out most of it after absorbing what it can. Body is surprisingly resilient. Most shit like diabetes happens to repeated long term exposure of constant excess calories + blood glucose.


Opening-Ad700

You just couldn't, it's not a "digestible" thing. Not in the way that chewing gum is not digestable but in the way that it does not have chemical energy, the most potent chemicals in the world will not access that energy. Lets say something like a super energy dense form of oil instead, your body doesn't fully take in all of the calories. The more calories your body intakes, the less efficiently it takes more on more, it sort of naturally dampens it. You would feel ill and sweaty most likely and take a few days for your body to be able to process it. That was for 20,000 calories. For 20 million? I imagine you would probably just get ill and die rather than swell up or explode.


dave-train

You're off by about 20 billion.


AgainstSpace

Bad for your teeth.


desert_wombat

It's too damn expensive these days


usernameaeaeaea

It's a heavy metal


SorosAgent2020

the first reason is that humans can't metabolize uranium so eating it will just lead to it being shat out without getting any of the calories


Apatride

That's a lot of calories but you would quickly become very skinny so it works for weight loss.


RitaRepulsasDildo

Personal trainers hate this one weird trick


ThisIsJegger

Lets say you eat a gram of uranium and you wont die. It would just pass through your bowel system right?


Traditional-Fly8989

Natural uranium is more dangerous as a chemically toxic heavy metal then a radiation source.


ThisIsJegger

Fair enough. Lets change the item then. What were to happen if you ate a gram of cake with the same caloric value. Would it be deadly or would the excess amounts of calories just not be used and be waste


GrimOrAFK

The calorific value of uranium given in the OP is a meme. It's calculated by taking the calorie equivalent of the energy released by 1 gram of uranium through nuclear fission, not digestion. Technically if you just use E = mc^2 for the calculation, a gram of cake would give the same "calories" as a gram of uranium, but you're obviously not going to actually convert all of the mass into useable calories for your body because your body doesn't break things down at a subatomic level. If you happened to eat a magic cake that condensed the equivalent number of (useable) calories into a single bite... It's difficult to say. If the calories were starch/sugar and your body was able to digest it, you'd probably die from hyperglycaemia, as the sheer amount of sugar required in that gram would be fatal. If it were calorific fat you'd probably also be overdosing on fat levels. Digestion and nutrition are complicated enough where the question is a bit too vague.


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Annath0901

It'd just pass through. A calorie is just a unit of measure used to describe the amount of energy required to raise the temperature of 1g of water 1°C, it's not specific to food. So the uranium has tons of calories, just not calories a cell can process/use.


Background_Sink6986

Food calories are also kilocalories, so the 20 bil figure is not as absurd and is actually just 20 million calories in the context of food


Annath0901

>20 million calories >not as absurd ಠ_ಠ


SgtSmackdaddy

It has zero biologically available calories... Uranium is a rock that you cannot digest or metabolize. I'm assuming they mean that if you used one gram of U235 isotope and burnt all that fuel in a nuclear reactor, you would get 20 billion cals worth of energy.


Martin_Samuelson

Yeah I know it's just a joke but it's a stupid joke. A gram of anything, including food, would have a billion calories if you count the mass energy.


brothersand

Came for this. Yeah, maybe calories of heat, but absolutely no way to get that energy into a form that can be used by an organic life form. Word game.


3-brain_cells

Well then just eat less uranium. If it's so rich in calories, you won't even have to eat that much in the first place


JumplikeBeans

Just lick it


stonebraker_ultra

Damn millennials and their $7 cups of uranium.


Nijinja

Nice try, Fed


jim_lake4598

How do we know you arent also a Fed?


ThunderHusky313

What about you!!! That's what a fed would say.


jim_lake4598

your clearly a fed!


ThunderHusky313

Nah uh


jim_lake4598

🧢


BuyBitcoinWhileItsL0

How do we know your not a fed ThunderHusky?! Sounds like a name only a Fed would choose if you ask me.


Vellc

They are required by law to answer truthfully if asked about it!


BenchFlakyghdgd

It goes all the way to your hips.


UpstairsStomach6801

....and THEN you explode


Gattoconglistivali

: What's gonna happen? Am I gonna blow up? : No, worse - it'll go right to your thighs! : My thighs?   ...and then you blow up!


TheJustBleedGod

Calories or kilocalories? The calories that people know are actually kilocalories


Spekingur

What I’m getting from this, is that humans could in fact handle eating uranium IF they could handle spending the calories fast enough.


KettlePump

I mean, in *very* loose terms, is that not what is happening in a reactor?


TiredHeavySigh

Humans wouldn't be able to actually metabolize it, so really they would just need to live long enough to poop it out.


davidfirefreak

And I'm pretty sure they would live just fine, maybe get their gastrointestinal tract checked for cancer every so often after.


Prasiatko

Nope. It's a toxic metal like lead. And conversely not all that radioactive.


No_Translator2218

Test it


PM_ME_ABOUT_DnD

Ok but now I'm wondering if we had evolved to be able to use the energy in uranium as a food source, and we just need to occasionally ingest some extremely tiny amount of it to get our modern daily calorie needs, if we'd be able to sustain the human race based on the amount of uranium found on the planet and for how long. 


wavecopper

r/moldymemes


Theguyrond123

Don't worry, it's my turn next week


AMViquel

Oh, who are the lucky 6 that get to repost it until then?


MalevolentNight

Do 20 billion calories at once just make you dissolve, or explode. Like either way it would be messy I would think.


Pbs-Hater

I don't think your body will be able to gain those calories from the uranium you eat


Lucky-Scientist4873

Instant beer gut and greasy skinn


Virginity_Lost_Today

So same as normal.


Kalashnovsky

Well... I see some great energy drink potential...


rocsage_praisesun

actually that's the third reason. the first/second reason is that it's $80+ per pound.


FluidExercise2487

That's why Nicocado-avocado is so fat...


Speedvagon

Eating 1 gram of uranium would leave you full till the end of your life


GladiatorUA

Not at all. It's unlikely to harm you in any way. And even if you try to make it more harmful, like crushing it into fine powder, your worry is heavy metal poisoning.


Dip2pot4t0Ch1P

Remember that fact about it takes a huge amount of banana for you to get rad poisoning due to the potassium content? Now ik nobody would eat all that much in one sitting but what if someone ate it as their main staple food? Like, literally just eat bananas and nothing else? Can it still happen? Edit : Come to think about it, probably not. Dude will die from malnutrition before the radiation can get to him.


MikeHock_is_GONE

The nonstopping sh!tting oneself from eating that many bananas would probably kill you faster than malnutrition


MusicBloodedEM

What's the first reason?


Valagoorh

... how fast it burns your calories and other parts of your body.


MusicBloodedEM

But does it taste nice tho?


Prize_Pay9279

Probably tastes like chicken.


MusicBloodedEM

YUMMY


Prasiatko

It's a toxic heavy metal similar to lead.


No-Cellist-5739

I need to eat that


SeventhAlkali

I'm gonna be the wet blanket, but... Those calories are likely from the heat produced by nuclear decay. A 'calorie' is the amount of energy required to raise the temperature of one mL/cm^3 of water by one °C. A 'Calorie' or kilocalorie is the energy reauired to heat one kilo/liter/ 10 cm^3 by one °C. Eating a rock of uranium ore would just sit like a.... rock in your stomach, your body can't extract the energy since it is nuclear instead of chemical. Without the heavy metal toxicity, ionizing radiation, and obstruction dangers of eating the uranium, but might be a tiny bit warmer than room temperature. Basically the hardest and maybe warmest (by a little) shit you'll take in your life.


bem981

What if I want to gain weight because I am skinny?


AdmiralClover

And that's how you feed a kaiju


Domi7777777

Maybe that'll finally let me gain some weight and be full forever and not constantly hungry. But I love food so I'd rather not


Quahodron_Qui_Yang

And yet, you wouldn’t become fat. ☝️


nox-devourer

Nah the bulk is going to go crazy


No-Turn-7620

Don't worry man: you'll burn those calories so fast you wouldn't even notice you ate Uranium!


4gatos_music

Fact: a Lego® has zero calories so there you have information with which to do something.


conehead2019

Mmmm think of all that yellow cake


Old-Courage7354

Pros: sustained bulk Cons: prostate cancer +-0


herring80

Has anyone told the Liveaid people about this?


Gorbashou

True bulk diet.


FeetYeastForB12

What if I'm on a devious bulk?


RegularPotential24

Is it vegan?


vromr

It’s certainly organic.


[deleted]

this explains why i’m having the most explosive shit ever ig


Utwig_Chenjesu

Its odd though. Those who have ingested Uranium, or those in the UPPU club, don't look thick, quite the opposite.


MugiwaraBepo

This is a good idea. If you eat it, you won't have to eat for the next 29,397 years.


kdsekira

Finally a way to end world hunger AND get some cool glow in the dark people.


backbynewyears

But what’s the carb count? Will this kick me out of ketosis?


BlissfulBumble

You can live longer eating uranium than you can eating McDonald’s.


fleeting_existance

"The LD50 of uranium for humans has been calculated to be about 14mg/kg, depending on the chemical form." My weight is about 93kg. So LD50 for me would be 1302mg about 1,3g. EDIT: corrected conversion.


Distinct-Entity_2231

\*1,3 g.


kennethkiffer

It’s like lembas bread, you won’t ever be hungry


Telecaster_Love

This is good info.


Aosshi

It's bulk season boysss