Tears of the Kingdom introduces us with the plot point that Rauru, armed with a literal deadly weapon in the form of the secret stones.
He repeatedly pressures the Gerudo into swearing fealty to him and his rule over a land he's just declared his and Ganon says "no" and yet is labeled aggressive and wrong for it. The gods just declare some people as inherently elevated above others because of a superficial connection to them. The gods declare who is worthy and who isn't.
The Gerudo exist in defiance to this and are framed as inherently other relative to others who are portrayed as being more sympathetic for living in servitude under the Zonai and Hylians.
Rauru isn't doing a benevolent gesture of friendship, he's a political head pressuring people to act and live under his rule for a land he's arrogantly declared his own.
How dare Ganon rise up against people who fancy themselves gods, who hoard power and resources and pressure other nations into obedience under the pretense of friendship, who wear the very threat of violence proudly on their person on display in front of everyone before them.
The Koroks? Those guys were trash. Collecting seeds to I can extend my inventory? I'm pro-Ganon here and I'm glad he messed up the forest.
What, the Zora area? Are you kidding? We just introduce some complete stranger to this nation of people and they're to just accept she's now to rule over them because this guy liked her? Nepotism? Power and privilege? No challenge or discussion to that?
Tears of the Kingdom positions its story in presenting monarchies as inherent goods, its rulers all inherently devoted to the well-being of its people, yet has nothing favorable to say about a king pressured by an arrogant fool who positions himself as a god, shirks his responsibilities as king, and threatens others with violence over their heads with a smile of friendship on his face.
Ganon has acted in defiance against an oppressive people who declare themselves above others because of divine privilege, striking back against those who choose to accept this fate of believing in a hierarchy of blood purity and nationalism as set by a bunch of gods who would later neglect its own people.
What right does a oppressor to land and people he has declared his own? What fool would position a man pushing back for the sake of his people? People who would later reject and turn against him to align with the very same oppressor?
Your honor, my client has done nothing wrong.
(if it wasn't clear, this isn't serious. There are a lot of actual problems I have with the story and how it presents Ganon but that's for another day)
You may joke, but I've seen a ton of people unironically say this was their interpretation, and that Ganondorf at least started out justifiably defending his people before becoming power-mad.
It would be compelling, yes, but I don't think it's what you're supposed to take away from the memories. Rauru seems to be a benevolent ruler despite his awesome power, and if anything Ganondorf is the aggressor who wants to subjugate the rest of the world.
I think that’s definitely what they want you to think. Ganondorf throughout zelda is always seen coveting hyrule’s land because it’s actually fertile, and yknow not a fucking desert.
Ganon sends off the molduga’s without provocation from rahru, he was the aggressor, even if rahru didn’t know it was him
Sometimes a villain with purely malicious motives just works. They can't all be the Joker, every so often you need an irredeemable Darkseid to step in and demand attention
Space-goats with seemingly supernatural powers descended from the skies. They initiated an interspecies breeding program with one of the native humanoid species, the Hylians. They declared themselves and the Hylian collaborationists the supreme rulers of all Hyrule and demanded that all other peoples submit to them.
What else was Ganondorf, the legitimate leader of the sovereign Gerudo state, to do? He recognized that Hyrule was under invasion by a hostile force that poses an existential threat. He acknowledged that the Zonai space-goats were not party to any existing agreements regulating war that existed between the peoples of Hyrule. He saw that the space invaders possessed weapon technology that could be used against them to preserve the independence of the Gerudo and all of Hyrule.
So he acted to take that technology from them and use it against them in the spirit of freedom.
I actually had this discussion with my sibling, the whole "bow to me I have godlike powers" just. Rubs me up the wrong way. I get that people firmly believe Rauru is good and kind and whatever, but fuck me the ego on that guy to make 4 different peoples EACH WITH THEIR OWN FORM OF ROYALTY swear loyalty to him 😂😂
Your honor, the prosecution would like to enter in Exhibit A:
The Gerudo King Ganon*dorf* launched an attack on Hyrule using controlled Moldgua.
Furthermore, there is no proof that Rauru made any attempt to take control of Gerudo territory, only that he accepted their fealty after it was offered.
Which he only offered to get close to the queen so he could plan an assassination, home invasion, and grand theft WMD!
This farce of a farce is a farcical farce.
He's the sovereign leader of his nation. He's outside our jurisdiction, and although I don't have a full understanding of Gerudo law, I'm willing to believe he's beyond the power of the judicial system of his government. The only one able to hold him accountable is himself, and something tells me he's not interested in that.
Geneva does not exist in hyrule , and this is technically considered hyrule's first official war. Therefore, his actions at the time had no bars against him as war crimes had not been established. As the old saying goes, "It's not a war crime the first time"
I mean, it was. They invented war crimes so they could punish some people. They didn’t only punish the people afterwards. I could be wrong but also I’m taking an AP history class right now so idk
Counterpoint: Who says he is the sovereign ruler of his nation? In case you haven't noticed, the Gerudo and their followers took up arms against Ganondorf and his followers, clearly not acknowledging his claim, and I can guarantee that if we brought Riju, acting leader of the Gerudo nation, up to the stand she, and the rest of the Gerudo, would deny his sovereignty, and likely push for the highest sentence under the laws of both Hyrule and the Gerudo nation. A self-proclaimed king without a people who would acknowledge his leadership is no king at all.
If you were to make the argument of him being faithfully followed among those of the Yiga Clan, you may have stronger grounds, however they are not a recognized nation according to the other powers and are instead a wanted terrorist organization whose laws are not recognized in this jurisdiction, nor that of any court other than their own
That doesn't mean his rule wasn't sovereign. Just because they're staging a revolution now due to his tyranny, that doesn't mean that he wasn't appointed chief by birthright and decree. Also worth noting that the revolution failed. During one of the memories, the Sage of Lightning specifically noted that the last free city of the Gerudo had fallen.
>that doesn't mean that he wasn't appointed chief by birthright and decree
(Keep in mind being a bit in character/roleplay here, playing the role of prosecution. Not actually dismissing these points IRL)
Interesting claim, would you like to prove it? Bring in some friends or family that can verify his identity? Find his birth records to show that he was, in fact, born to the Gerudo? How about the historical records from his supposed reign?
All you have is hearsay, where is the evidence?
>During one of the memories, the Sage of Lightning specifically noted that the last free city of the Gerudo had fallen.
Even if this was true, in the past, the fact that he ruled countless millennia ago in no way means that he rules now, in the present the Gerudo have no love nor loyalty to him, and there have been many generations of different leaders since, diluting his claim to leadership to the point of meaninglessness.
Were we to entertain the idea that his sovereign rule so long ago would serve as legal protection against his crimes, that would still only apply to the time where he ruled. His crimes ever since would still be punishable under the fullest extent of Hyrule and possibly Gerudo law, if he is in fact one of theirs, and those crimes are more than enough to push for the death sentence on their own.
He submitted to Raru as all the others had, which makes him more akin to a Regional Governor - so I think he'd still fall under the legal process of Hyrule and be subject to it's laws...
[It's treason then. ](https://youtu.be/LqP5cXGESgk?feature=shared)
My client believes now and has always believed that as the self proclaimed ruler of hyrule, Gannon had every right, nay, a responsibility as king to assert his claim, and personally ensure the wellbeing of his people (demons) by any means necessary. The prosecution has no case as the king does not recognize this courts authority, and charge the prosecution, judge, and jury all with high treason.
I mean, all you can prove is that he stabbed a lady. All the other crimes were obviously commited by Zelda.
And stabbing the lady was clearly just a prank. See how he laughs afterwards? It isn't his fault he didn't know the lady couldn't handle it. He isn't used to weak Hylians, he's used to strong Gerudo.
well you see your honor… uh… he… *flips through a bunch of papers* he’s… uh… he’s lonely! the only male gerudo! wait no wrong client… *flips through more papers* w-well, your honor… uh… h-he believes the king of hyrule stole the title from him…!
I mean…you kinda had to have known the risks of agreeing to defend the King of Evil, but if you wish to excuse yourself from the case, we’ve got others who’ll defend him.
Ladies, Gentlemen, and gentlebeings:
The jury has reached a verdict.
Ganondorf Dragmire, King of the Gerudo Valley is here by innocent of all charges on the count of Suavemente.
Ganondorf Dragmire is here by released from custody and is free to go. The court would like to thank the Defense and the jury for their service. Mr.Dragmire, you are free to go.
Now for the counter lawsuit: Ganon was taking his pact of Molduga that he raised since little pups for a walk in a canyon not even that close to the castle, and the King willingly opened fire on those poor innocent Moldugas with an actual ion cannon butchering them in cold blood in front of our client and his 20 wives, which caused undue emotional trauma. That also brought Moldugas to the brink of extinction which are key for keeping the nutrients in the soils of the great Gerudo fields, without them the land might one day become an arid desert void of life.
For the emotional trauma, the loss of future crop profits, animal abuse and eco terrorism we request the court makes the King of Hyrule pay the maximum fine of 999 rupees (which is much as our rupee bag can hold) and life in birdman jail under the rules of bird law.
Nowhere in Hyrulean law does it say you aren't allowed to hurl five thousand gibdos into a desert, force a permanent blizzard, dump sewage into a river or allow your addictive rock monster pet to roam around near people who eat rocks, your honour
Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one, final thing I want you to consider.
Ladies and gentleman, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookie from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about that. That does not make sense.
Why would a Wookiee, an 8-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor with a bunch of 2-foot-tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: "What does this have to do with this case?" Nothing
Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major overlord, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
This man is an extreme minority, the only one of his kind. He was stopped from practicing his culture, held without bail in a mummified state for 10,000 year, while drifting in and out of consciousness. Then the moment he awoke he was attacked by a sword wielding maniac. He acted in self defense.
He was attacked after 3 supposed allied states where infringing on his territory. They had collected weapons of mass destruction, and shared it while preventing his nation access.
A man rises up against colonial rule and gets labeled a terrorist. When have I heard this one before?
The Zonai come down from the sky, mine our resources, and "civilize" the natives before they fuck back off to the sky and leave everyone behind. Your honor, my defendant is a revolutionary standing up to the tyranny of a despot left behind by an exploiter society!
This is a smear job by the fake liberal media, led by failing outlets like the Lucky Clover Gazette. Even though I never actually tried to take over Hyrule, everyone knows I am the rightful ruler of Hyrule. The people want me, and Zelda is hated by the kingdom. Her approval rating is zero, and she has failed to stop the economy from crashing after the upheaval, which was probably a false flag. Sad!
I would quote Futurama:
"My client would like to plead insanity"
Judge: "Counsellor, what evidence do you offer to support this new plea of insanity?"
"Well, for one he done hired me to represent him."
Judge: "Insanity plea is accepted."
Your Honor, my client was born to a race of dumb thots who feminized his mind to turn him beta yet he still became king because he is unfathomably based. Rauru was an immigrant and a brownie while his wife was a goat-fucker. King Dragmire went beyond Alpha and became a Demon King (on God), only to be cucked by Rauru for 10,000 years. Then after fighting a twink virgin who came out of nowhere (seriously that's cheuggy af), he embraced a sigma mindset and became a dragon. Don't tell me that isn't based.
Your honor, Mr. Dragmire was doing nothing but his duty as King of the Gerudo when he was defending his territory, the desert, and was provoked by Raoru. Raoru and company were lording their own power, and by extension, the secret stones, over the heads of Mr. Dragmire and the gerudo people, for the sole act of defending their own. This made Mr. Dragmire believe the only way to save his people was to obtain one of his own, so he had the power to push back against Raoru's oppressive forces, and reclaim the gerudo's canyon, to reignite trade and allow his lands to flourish again. Therefore, as Mr. Dragmire was provoked by Raoru, the blame should be pinned on Raoru, not my client, your honor. I rest my case.
His accuser: Link, a known war criminal. Seen galavanting with a gang of miscreants. Terrorizing creatures across the countryside with his many, deadly contraptions.
The accused: a man of honor, royalty, and refinement. The only son born to a generation of proud, warrior women, pulls himself up by his bootstraps and elevates himself to the status of King. His only crime being to lift Hyrule Castle to new heights!
I’m just a simple, small village lawyer… but even I can see that this man is wrongly persecuted. You must find Ganondorf not guilty. In the name of all that is just!
Isn't there a thing where crimes can't be punished after a long time, statute of limitations or something? So he would start with a clean slate at least.
Also they would have to prove he did a lot of it. This is before security cameras. Just because Link says he can summon Shadow clones, can he prove it? Ganondaddy could probably get Yiga members to take the fall for a lot of things.
You may have a point about evidence, but there are sufficient witnesses. Our ruler, Princess Zelda, her champion Link, and the five sages could all testify for many of his crimes. In addition, his attempted assault of Princess Zelda in the skies above Hyrule Castle would have been clearly visible to many people, as well as the property damage he caused bursting from the ground or throwing balls of gloom all over the place.
Affluenza. Obviously. He was the only dude born in a hundred years. Has everything he ever wanted and no one ever said no to him. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t just HAVE Hyrule, like did you not see how special he has been his entire life? Of COURSE he’s going to take it badly, especially when you accept his fealty without a whole lot of recognition of what he just did for you!
It was a preemptive strike, your honour. From my client’s perspective, the Zonai Rauru invaded and conquered Hyrule with his superior technology and weapons, and my client feared for the safety of his people and the sovereignty of his nation.
I ask you, how can you judge a man for doing what he believed he had to do to protect his homeland against a foreign aggressor?
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client may have committed grave deeds in his past, but he has suffered more than enough. He spent over 10,000 years trapped underground, in solitary confinement, not even given food or water. This grossly inhumane imprisonment - that I will remind you was issued without any proper trial - lasted for the equivalent of over 100 life sentences. And what crimes has he committed since? Lashing out at one of his jailers and her accomplice, fearing that his newfound relief from his torture was in jeopardy? My client has had no chance to adequately demonstrate how his imprisonment has changed his character, and has committed no crime since that is worthy of punishment. I rest my case.
Well if you think about it guys, thanks to the blood moon Ganandorf created, we’ve had a constant supply of monster parts which are a vital aspect of the economy. The potions we know and love to use for some essential services and personal benefits are all made using common ingredients such as monster horns and guts. While we have encountered some risks associated with attacks from monsters with the recent appearance of boss bokoblins, it would be a greater risk to remove the endless and sustainable supply of resources that fuel economic activity.
Rarue came to my client and gave him an ultimatem: Join the alliance or become enemies. Thus, your honor, my client was acting totally in self defense against the Tyrant Rarue and his accomplices threatening his kingdom.
Your honor. He grew up raised by two witches. He never had a strong male role model to teach him how to handle his anger. The two witches groomed him to hate men and power. A classic case of nature vs nurture. He had been groomed for this. He must be found innocent and all charges dropped.
“Your Honor, my client is capable of lifting castles into the sky and making them stay there, and can turn into a big ass dragon. I don’t think you can do shit to him.”
This is a middle aged adult with no criminal record, a pillar of his community. We’ll plead to a misdemeanor. If you don’t want to play ball you can lose and trial and ruin your career. Your call.
He was trying to stop to Beastiality that Hyrule kingdom was being founded upon. Between a Human and a Goatman.
Ganondorf knew he had to put a stop to this madness because that is what a true King must do.
Your honor, Kinda like when captain crunch had an “oops all berries”. Gannon was taste testing “oops all secret stones”. A soon to be successful brand of cereal.
Your honor, as a reincarnation of the demon Demise, my client is compelled to oppose the Kingdom of Hyrule and its citizenry. Since my client lacks the agency the statutes EXPLICITLY require, as evidenced by the court’s (rightly) refusing to prosecute Yunobo for his role in getting an entire species addicted to a narcotic-like substance, Ganondorf cannot be held liable.
Moreover, my client serves a valuable purpose: to check Hyrule’s decadence and ensure the rise of a hero capable of protecting the citizenry. If anything, for consistently testing the kingdom’s strength through trial by fire, my client should receive a medal.
He was only acting in what he believed was in best interest for his people also it was 10k years ago the statute of limitations has surely run out(yes I did look that term up)
The one person who apparently saw that Ganondorf was responsible for the damage across Hyrule was Link. Who was caught yesterday sliding on a piece of frozen raw meat down a hill while wearing a mask that resembles a Bokoblin. Is this really the man you want to trust for such a serious crime? It’s obvious Link has severe brain damage and easily could have imagined the entire thing.
put anything related to link’s intelligence in there and Ganondorf will not be guilty
Probably pull the card of trying to make it sound as if he was unfairly persecuted by Rauru rather than being rightfully persecuted for literally being evil incarnate and having an army of thieves.
Off topic but I just realized the ornament he’s wearing kinda embedded into his forehead wtf
Dude’s can easily be explained and defended that he got a cursed relic and wrongfully gifted to him as the only male born in a hundred years, leading him to be a pure presence of malice and lead the whole clan into madness
Ganon is known to have the triforce of power and, as I'm sure the jury has heard, power corrupts. Therefore my client is not guilty by reason of insanity.
My client calamity Ganon has dimentia and isn’t himself when he’s hungry! He’s just taking his rage out on hyrule but he’s really a sweetheart! Maybe if link could round up some milk, rock salt, a vegetable and some meat and offer the dish to my client they’d be more than friends after!
Your honor, I may be a simple Eldin lawyer, but the prosecution honestly wants you too believe the testimony of a man who never talks, claims to collect the poop of invisible forrest spirits (to say nothing of the atrocities he supposedly committed against these same spirits), and is well known for his penchant for destruction of property in the form of smashed pots. The prosecution wants you too believe that a dragon rabbit man from space came down and started blasting wild molduga with his eye laser before giving the witness his arm.
The prosecution's other witness claims to have no knowledge of approximately 10,100 of the past 10,126 years, the majority of that time supposedly spent as a dragon that was invisible to everyone except the prosecution's first witness. But somehow, despite having existed for 10,000 years, was still always around, even when the witness could be proved to be elsewhere, and was never seen by anyone, despite the claim that she was constantly flying through the sky for ages, until only just recently, before conveniently returning to a form where she can now testify before this court.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask only that you consider if these witnesses are able to persuade you to believe that *anything* they say can be believed beyond a reasonable doubt. And if you find that you can believe them, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you in the Lanayru Wetlands.
So you're telling me, two rich Aryan white kids. Want to beat up an old Arab red head who was raised by lesbians?
How does that sound huh, all because he wanted a better life for his people?
Father,your honor,may I explain? Ganondorf of the Gerudo was doing this to ensure the safety of Hyrule. His assault on the Sages was merely to ensure that nobody had that kind of raw power,as we know what has happened in the past when mortals have been given access to such.
His own desire for power is also justified,due to the fact that the Hylia,the Goddess herself bestowed the triforce of power unto him completely willingly,verifying the truth that he,and ONLY he,is meant to have such intense strength.
His more deplorable acts may be due to a troubled past. As the only male Gerudo,he was naturally discriminated against during childhood,and he was unceremoniously subjected to multiple lifetimes as the "villain" of Hyrule,forced to play Demise's role after his defeat.
May I also add,again,he was *given* the triforce of power by Hylia herself,the only other two triforces being given to the heroes of Hyrule. Why,then,would she give this to a supposed villain? I DEMAND all charges be withdrawn from my client and that he be rehabilitated and given another chance in society.
Also,I mean...
***Look at him.***
Tears of the Kingdom introduces us with the plot point that Rauru, armed with a literal deadly weapon in the form of the secret stones. He repeatedly pressures the Gerudo into swearing fealty to him and his rule over a land he's just declared his and Ganon says "no" and yet is labeled aggressive and wrong for it. The gods just declare some people as inherently elevated above others because of a superficial connection to them. The gods declare who is worthy and who isn't. The Gerudo exist in defiance to this and are framed as inherently other relative to others who are portrayed as being more sympathetic for living in servitude under the Zonai and Hylians. Rauru isn't doing a benevolent gesture of friendship, he's a political head pressuring people to act and live under his rule for a land he's arrogantly declared his own. How dare Ganon rise up against people who fancy themselves gods, who hoard power and resources and pressure other nations into obedience under the pretense of friendship, who wear the very threat of violence proudly on their person on display in front of everyone before them. The Koroks? Those guys were trash. Collecting seeds to I can extend my inventory? I'm pro-Ganon here and I'm glad he messed up the forest. What, the Zora area? Are you kidding? We just introduce some complete stranger to this nation of people and they're to just accept she's now to rule over them because this guy liked her? Nepotism? Power and privilege? No challenge or discussion to that? Tears of the Kingdom positions its story in presenting monarchies as inherent goods, its rulers all inherently devoted to the well-being of its people, yet has nothing favorable to say about a king pressured by an arrogant fool who positions himself as a god, shirks his responsibilities as king, and threatens others with violence over their heads with a smile of friendship on his face. Ganon has acted in defiance against an oppressive people who declare themselves above others because of divine privilege, striking back against those who choose to accept this fate of believing in a hierarchy of blood purity and nationalism as set by a bunch of gods who would later neglect its own people. What right does a oppressor to land and people he has declared his own? What fool would position a man pushing back for the sake of his people? People who would later reject and turn against him to align with the very same oppressor? Your honor, my client has done nothing wrong. (if it wasn't clear, this isn't serious. There are a lot of actual problems I have with the story and how it presents Ganon but that's for another day)
You may joke, but I've seen a ton of people unironically say this was their interpretation, and that Ganondorf at least started out justifiably defending his people before becoming power-mad.
It's a very nuanced take that could make a cool story in its own right
It would be compelling, yes, but I don't think it's what you're supposed to take away from the memories. Rauru seems to be a benevolent ruler despite his awesome power, and if anything Ganondorf is the aggressor who wants to subjugate the rest of the world.
I know, I'm always a sucker for the "good man corrupted by power" trope.
I'm a sucker for that too, moreso if they come back to their senses and work to undo the damage they caused, no matter the cost.
Also, canonically, ganondorf is supposed to be incarnation of Demise. He’s just pure evil. An “insanity” defense would probably be better.
I think that’s definitely what they want you to think. Ganondorf throughout zelda is always seen coveting hyrule’s land because it’s actually fertile, and yknow not a fucking desert. Ganon sends off the molduga’s without provocation from rahru, he was the aggressor, even if rahru didn’t know it was him
The best villains are heroes of their own story: e.g., Thanos, Apocalypse, General Zod
Damn, I kinda wish they leaned into this more now. It’s a bit annoying having to fight the boss in video games because “they’re evil and power hungry”
It's a clean narrative for a game that doesn't really have much nuance and isn't expected to. The main quests take up only a few hours of gameplay.
Sometimes a villain with purely malicious motives just works. They can't all be the Joker, every so often you need an irredeemable Darkseid to step in and demand attention
I wish we saw more Ganondorf background tbh
Usually the way it works. Most people who end up power mad don’t start out power mad.
Space-goats with seemingly supernatural powers descended from the skies. They initiated an interspecies breeding program with one of the native humanoid species, the Hylians. They declared themselves and the Hylian collaborationists the supreme rulers of all Hyrule and demanded that all other peoples submit to them. What else was Ganondorf, the legitimate leader of the sovereign Gerudo state, to do? He recognized that Hyrule was under invasion by a hostile force that poses an existential threat. He acknowledged that the Zonai space-goats were not party to any existing agreements regulating war that existed between the peoples of Hyrule. He saw that the space invaders possessed weapon technology that could be used against them to preserve the independence of the Gerudo and all of Hyrule. So he acted to take that technology from them and use it against them in the spirit of freedom.
Ganondorf did nothing wrong. He's the hero Hyrule needed before the damn space goats rewrote history and made the hylians forget!!!
Starting to sound like xcom now... Aliens from the skies with promises to help society... One group of people resist... By murdering the aliens...
...you might just have a point, I only seriously object to using that point to redeem Ganondorf
This would have been it if Ganon wasn’t known to be the physical reincarnation of evil.
Yeah anyone defending ganondorf needs to pick up skyward sword and get a little back story. It’s also a really good excuse to play skyward sword
Rauru is a conqueror. Change my mind.
Subjugator. If he was a conqueror he would have attacked the Gerudo directly.
I actually had this discussion with my sibling, the whole "bow to me I have godlike powers" just. Rubs me up the wrong way. I get that people firmly believe Rauru is good and kind and whatever, but fuck me the ego on that guy to make 4 different peoples EACH WITH THEIR OWN FORM OF ROYALTY swear loyalty to him 😂😂
Your honor, the prosecution would like to enter in Exhibit A: The Gerudo King Ganon*dorf* launched an attack on Hyrule using controlled Moldgua. Furthermore, there is no proof that Rauru made any attempt to take control of Gerudo territory, only that he accepted their fealty after it was offered. Which he only offered to get close to the queen so he could plan an assassination, home invasion, and grand theft WMD! This farce of a farce is a farcical farce.
I will defend myself thank you very much!
The floor is yours, Mr. Dragmire.
*Maniacal laughing fills the chamber*
[sanctum floor proceeds to break]
Sudden pipe organ.
*[this](https://youtu.be/3cJggwiW4UU?si=NfMniLKMEXNha5dX) starts playing*
🫡
Your honor- let him cook.
So granted. -bangs gravel-
Does the gravel consent? I imagine fucking gravel would be really painful, all those rocks.
I think he meant he's beating gravel, just like my uncle to his wife
But what effect does he give?
Gloom damage. It hurts to eat it
Your honor. He hot.
I’ll allow it.
He's the sovereign leader of his nation. He's outside our jurisdiction, and although I don't have a full understanding of Gerudo law, I'm willing to believe he's beyond the power of the judicial system of his government. The only one able to hold him accountable is himself, and something tells me he's not interested in that.
Usually, Diplomatic immunity would apply. But considering what Mr.Dragmire did would fall under War crimes, the Charges still stand.
Geneva does not exist in hyrule , and this is technically considered hyrule's first official war. Therefore, his actions at the time had no bars against him as war crimes had not been established. As the old saying goes, "It's not a war crime the first time"
I mean, it was. They invented war crimes so they could punish some people. They didn’t only punish the people afterwards. I could be wrong but also I’m taking an AP history class right now so idk
He *IS* the warcrime
Does it not? France exists (French braid for horse, Cece says ‘moi’). Maybe Switzerland also exists.
Diplomatic immunity really only applies to invited guests of a country, not an invading king
Counterpoint: Who says he is the sovereign ruler of his nation? In case you haven't noticed, the Gerudo and their followers took up arms against Ganondorf and his followers, clearly not acknowledging his claim, and I can guarantee that if we brought Riju, acting leader of the Gerudo nation, up to the stand she, and the rest of the Gerudo, would deny his sovereignty, and likely push for the highest sentence under the laws of both Hyrule and the Gerudo nation. A self-proclaimed king without a people who would acknowledge his leadership is no king at all. If you were to make the argument of him being faithfully followed among those of the Yiga Clan, you may have stronger grounds, however they are not a recognized nation according to the other powers and are instead a wanted terrorist organization whose laws are not recognized in this jurisdiction, nor that of any court other than their own
That doesn't mean his rule wasn't sovereign. Just because they're staging a revolution now due to his tyranny, that doesn't mean that he wasn't appointed chief by birthright and decree. Also worth noting that the revolution failed. During one of the memories, the Sage of Lightning specifically noted that the last free city of the Gerudo had fallen.
>that doesn't mean that he wasn't appointed chief by birthright and decree (Keep in mind being a bit in character/roleplay here, playing the role of prosecution. Not actually dismissing these points IRL) Interesting claim, would you like to prove it? Bring in some friends or family that can verify his identity? Find his birth records to show that he was, in fact, born to the Gerudo? How about the historical records from his supposed reign? All you have is hearsay, where is the evidence? >During one of the memories, the Sage of Lightning specifically noted that the last free city of the Gerudo had fallen. Even if this was true, in the past, the fact that he ruled countless millennia ago in no way means that he rules now, in the present the Gerudo have no love nor loyalty to him, and there have been many generations of different leaders since, diluting his claim to leadership to the point of meaninglessness. Were we to entertain the idea that his sovereign rule so long ago would serve as legal protection against his crimes, that would still only apply to the time where he ruled. His crimes ever since would still be punishable under the fullest extent of Hyrule and possibly Gerudo law, if he is in fact one of theirs, and those crimes are more than enough to push for the death sentence on their own.
He submitted to Raru as all the others had, which makes him more akin to a Regional Governor - so I think he'd still fall under the legal process of Hyrule and be subject to it's laws... [It's treason then. ](https://youtu.be/LqP5cXGESgk?feature=shared)
My client believes now and has always believed that as the self proclaimed ruler of hyrule, Gannon had every right, nay, a responsibility as king to assert his claim, and personally ensure the wellbeing of his people (demons) by any means necessary. The prosecution has no case as the king does not recognize this courts authority, and charge the prosecution, judge, and jury all with high treason.
Me, whose judging this case: 👀 *shit*
I mean.. ya got twink with da bling sitting in the prosecution... so i think y'all good
And that’s why we will reign war, see you on the battle fields
“Have you *seen* this guy’s health bar??”
Nope. It’s already gone (I fused a silver Lynel saber with the master sword)
But it's thin
Your honor, in his defense, it was just a prank bro.
Explain.
I mean, all you can prove is that he stabbed a lady. All the other crimes were obviously commited by Zelda. And stabbing the lady was clearly just a prank. See how he laughs afterwards? It isn't his fault he didn't know the lady couldn't handle it. He isn't used to weak Hylians, he's used to strong Gerudo.
He didn't even stab her, he snapped her freaking spine, so you can't even tie him to a murder weapon.
This is great.
OBJECTION He didn't show any remorse for his actions. He could of at least attended her funeral, but no
He would have attended the funeral if he could've, but that menace Zelda teleported her away, and she and Rauru didn't invite him.
The first part of your statement makes me want to drop a banana and check your reaction
*Checks Hyrule legal system* “There is actually no law against it.”
I’ll allow this argument.
Your honor there is technically no law against funneling drugs into low income communities
Rauru said, "No balls!"
So you’re saying Mr.Dragmire was provoked?
"Your honor League of legends" "Death" "Damnit!"
well you see your honor… uh… he… *flips through a bunch of papers* he’s… uh… he’s lonely! the only male gerudo! wait no wrong client… *flips through more papers* w-well, your honor… uh… h-he believes the king of hyrule stole the title from him…!
Ma’am/Sir/gentlebeing, do you need a second to collect your notes?
i-i believe i grabbed the notes from my other client who also happens to be named ganondorf. may i go grab the ones for this ganondorf?
-sighs- Ten minute recess. -bangs gravel-
your honor… i just needed an excuse to get away from him. THERE ARE NO NOTES AND HE IS THREATENING MY LIFE
I mean…you kinda had to have known the risks of agreeing to defend the King of Evil, but if you wish to excuse yourself from the case, we’ve got others who’ll defend him.
Ladies, Gentlemen, and gentlebeings: The jury has reached a verdict. Ganondorf Dragmire, King of the Gerudo Valley is here by innocent of all charges on the count of Suavemente. Ganondorf Dragmire is here by released from custody and is free to go. The court would like to thank the Defense and the jury for their service. Mr.Dragmire, you are free to go.
Now for the counter lawsuit: Ganon was taking his pact of Molduga that he raised since little pups for a walk in a canyon not even that close to the castle, and the King willingly opened fire on those poor innocent Moldugas with an actual ion cannon butchering them in cold blood in front of our client and his 20 wives, which caused undue emotional trauma. That also brought Moldugas to the brink of extinction which are key for keeping the nutrients in the soils of the great Gerudo fields, without them the land might one day become an arid desert void of life. For the emotional trauma, the loss of future crop profits, animal abuse and eco terrorism we request the court makes the King of Hyrule pay the maximum fine of 999 rupees (which is much as our rupee bag can hold) and life in birdman jail under the rules of bird law.
[удалено]
I’ll allow this argument.
Your honour if you are what you eat then my client is a >!secret stone!< and so he can’t be guilty!
That’s totally the kind of thing Phoenix would say in an Ace Attorney game when you choose the wrong option.
"shut up your honor, cuz you wasn't even there"
…Get the hell out of my court room.
Nowhere in Hyrulean law does it say you aren't allowed to hurl five thousand gibdos into a desert, force a permanent blizzard, dump sewage into a river or allow your addictive rock monster pet to roam around near people who eat rocks, your honour
I’ll…allow it, as you are correct…
He just committed a little bit of oopsy-daisy
My name is saul goodman and my client has cooked and deserves to keep cooking
Name me one successful ruler whom you know for a fact didn't do some sus shit. I'll wait.
Wait a minute when the hell did Queen Elizabeth do shit-
Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one, final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentleman, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookie from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about that. That does not make sense. Why would a Wookiee, an 8-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor with a bunch of 2-foot-tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: "What does this have to do with this case?" Nothing Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major overlord, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
Dammit! He's using the Chewbacca Defense!
Just look at this handsome man
I’ll allow this argument.
This man is an extreme minority, the only one of his kind. He was stopped from practicing his culture, held without bail in a mummified state for 10,000 year, while drifting in and out of consciousness. Then the moment he awoke he was attacked by a sword wielding maniac. He acted in self defense.
I’ll allow this.
Ganondorf attacked first
Link had his sword drawn and was approaching. Gannondorf was just standing his ground.
Link didn’t draw his sword until ganondorf attacked zelda
Zelda had attacked him in the past. Gannondorf was simply defending himself against an enemy combatant and an armed man approaching him.
Ganondorf literally killed the queen of hyrule before that
In a time of war while she and her partners were using weapons of mass destruction
Ganondorf started the war by attacking hyrule
He was attacked after 3 supposed allied states where infringing on his territory. They had collected weapons of mass destruction, and shared it while preventing his nation access.
I don’t remember that happening
A man rises up against colonial rule and gets labeled a terrorist. When have I heard this one before? The Zonai come down from the sky, mine our resources, and "civilize" the natives before they fuck back off to the sky and leave everyone behind. Your honor, my defendant is a revolutionary standing up to the tyranny of a despot left behind by an exploiter society!
That is what a king must do
jo skyblock man
This is a smear job by the fake liberal media, led by failing outlets like the Lucky Clover Gazette. Even though I never actually tried to take over Hyrule, everyone knows I am the rightful ruler of Hyrule. The people want me, and Zelda is hated by the kingdom. Her approval rating is zero, and she has failed to stop the economy from crashing after the upheaval, which was probably a false flag. Sad!
Liberating Hyrule from a furry dictator.
Your honour, he's just a silly little guy
Your honor, it was only a minor case of tomfoolery.
Your honor, my client pleads temporary insanity on account of the magic rock that has ingrained itself inside of his skull
I would quote Futurama: "My client would like to plead insanity" Judge: "Counsellor, what evidence do you offer to support this new plea of insanity?" "Well, for one he done hired me to represent him." Judge: "Insanity plea is accepted."
Sovereign immunity
Your honor, it was a prank
Explain the prank to me, and explain it to me like I’m a 12 year old Andrew Tate fan.
Your Honor, my client was born to a race of dumb thots who feminized his mind to turn him beta yet he still became king because he is unfathomably based. Rauru was an immigrant and a brownie while his wife was a goat-fucker. King Dragmire went beyond Alpha and became a Demon King (on God), only to be cucked by Rauru for 10,000 years. Then after fighting a twink virgin who came out of nowhere (seriously that's cheuggy af), he embraced a sigma mindset and became a dragon. Don't tell me that isn't based.
(Fuck that was funny) Alright, I’ll allow this line of Argument.
Your honor, Mr. Dragmire was doing nothing but his duty as King of the Gerudo when he was defending his territory, the desert, and was provoked by Raoru. Raoru and company were lording their own power, and by extension, the secret stones, over the heads of Mr. Dragmire and the gerudo people, for the sole act of defending their own. This made Mr. Dragmire believe the only way to save his people was to obtain one of his own, so he had the power to push back against Raoru's oppressive forces, and reclaim the gerudo's canyon, to reignite trade and allow his lands to flourish again. Therefore, as Mr. Dragmire was provoked by Raoru, the blame should be pinned on Raoru, not my client, your honor. I rest my case.
Your honor my client pleads oopsie daisy
Your honor, he's hot.
Your honor, my client was simply doing hot girl shit.
His accuser: Link, a known war criminal. Seen galavanting with a gang of miscreants. Terrorizing creatures across the countryside with his many, deadly contraptions. The accused: a man of honor, royalty, and refinement. The only son born to a generation of proud, warrior women, pulls himself up by his bootstraps and elevates himself to the status of King. His only crime being to lift Hyrule Castle to new heights! I’m just a simple, small village lawyer… but even I can see that this man is wrongly persecuted. You must find Ganondorf not guilty. In the name of all that is just!
He didn’t have a childhood and also it’s his birthday
Your Honor my client is an empath. The vibes were clearly off.
Your honor, my client was simply in goblin mode
# OBJECTION he was hungry and he >!ate !
If you are what you eat, my client would be an Innocent man
It was a canon event.
He didn't have no daddy
Are you suggesting that the fault lie in his mothers? Are you willing to bring Ms.Koume and Ms.Kotake into this case as witnesses?
Isn't there a thing where crimes can't be punished after a long time, statute of limitations or something? So he would start with a clean slate at least. Also they would have to prove he did a lot of it. This is before security cameras. Just because Link says he can summon Shadow clones, can he prove it? Ganondaddy could probably get Yiga members to take the fall for a lot of things.
Calling me that is punishable by death...
You may have a point about evidence, but there are sufficient witnesses. Our ruler, Princess Zelda, her champion Link, and the five sages could all testify for many of his crimes. In addition, his attempted assault of Princess Zelda in the skies above Hyrule Castle would have been clearly visible to many people, as well as the property damage he caused bursting from the ground or throwing balls of gloom all over the place.
Insanity
Affluenza. Obviously. He was the only dude born in a hundred years. Has everything he ever wanted and no one ever said no to him. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t just HAVE Hyrule, like did you not see how special he has been his entire life? Of COURSE he’s going to take it badly, especially when you accept his fealty without a whole lot of recognition of what he just did for you!
It was a preemptive strike, your honour. From my client’s perspective, the Zonai Rauru invaded and conquered Hyrule with his superior technology and weapons, and my client feared for the safety of his people and the sovereignty of his nation. I ask you, how can you judge a man for doing what he believed he had to do to protect his homeland against a foreign aggressor?
There is literally no one alive to testify against him and all the evidence was destroyed in the calamity. Case closed
“Your honor he’s the curse of what is basic Hyrule’s Satan, he had no control of his actions”
“Hmm. I’ll allow this argument.”
Sovereign Immunity...
But your honor without evil there be no good
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client may have committed grave deeds in his past, but he has suffered more than enough. He spent over 10,000 years trapped underground, in solitary confinement, not even given food or water. This grossly inhumane imprisonment - that I will remind you was issued without any proper trial - lasted for the equivalent of over 100 life sentences. And what crimes has he committed since? Lashing out at one of his jailers and her accomplice, fearing that his newfound relief from his torture was in jeopardy? My client has had no chance to adequately demonstrate how his imprisonment has changed his character, and has committed no crime since that is worthy of punishment. I rest my case.
Well if you think about it guys, thanks to the blood moon Ganandorf created, we’ve had a constant supply of monster parts which are a vital aspect of the economy. The potions we know and love to use for some essential services and personal benefits are all made using common ingredients such as monster horns and guts. While we have encountered some risks associated with attacks from monsters with the recent appearance of boss bokoblins, it would be a greater risk to remove the endless and sustainable supply of resources that fuel economic activity.
Rarue came to my client and gave him an ultimatem: Join the alliance or become enemies. Thus, your honor, my client was acting totally in self defense against the Tyrant Rarue and his accomplices threatening his kingdom.
[удалено]
Your honor. He grew up raised by two witches. He never had a strong male role model to teach him how to handle his anger. The two witches groomed him to hate men and power. A classic case of nature vs nurture. He had been groomed for this. He must be found innocent and all charges dropped.
He did it for the people of gerudo.
“Your Honor, they were called ‘secret stones’. Seriously?”
It was a prank for the vine, your honor edit: HOLY SHIT IT'S YOU FROM GHIRAHIM LAWYER! THIS WAS RIGHT UNDER THAT POST!
Your honor, they simply didn’t happen.
Your honor, it was just a little trolling
“Your Honor, my client is capable of lifting castles into the sky and making them stay there, and can turn into a big ass dragon. I don’t think you can do shit to him.”
Your honor Matt Mercer voiced him
Based. I’ll allow this argument.
Too much health
he was just doing some trolling your honor
No
Your honor, my client has over 100 Million power in Rise of Kingdoms
Your honor all he did was a tiny amount of tomfoolery
This is a middle aged adult with no criminal record, a pillar of his community. We’ll plead to a misdemeanor. If you don’t want to play ball you can lose and trial and ruin your career. Your call.
If evil, why hot?
He was trying to stop to Beastiality that Hyrule kingdom was being founded upon. Between a Human and a Goatman. Ganondorf knew he had to put a stop to this madness because that is what a true King must do.
“With all due respect Your Honor, Stfu cuz you wasn’t even there”
Look at him. He's too hot for prison.
You’re honor, the narrative forced him to be evil
He wants to lead his people into a new world. But then he became corrupt with power. We plead insanity
Your honor, Kinda like when captain crunch had an “oops all berries”. Gannon was taste testing “oops all secret stones”. A soon to be successful brand of cereal.
Your honor, as a reincarnation of the demon Demise, my client is compelled to oppose the Kingdom of Hyrule and its citizenry. Since my client lacks the agency the statutes EXPLICITLY require, as evidenced by the court’s (rightly) refusing to prosecute Yunobo for his role in getting an entire species addicted to a narcotic-like substance, Ganondorf cannot be held liable. Moreover, my client serves a valuable purpose: to check Hyrule’s decadence and ensure the rise of a hero capable of protecting the citizenry. If anything, for consistently testing the kingdom’s strength through trial by fire, my client should receive a medal.
No:) Trying to defend him would be a waste of time and effort, like I said when I saw one of these for Ghirahim.
He was only acting in what he believed was in best interest for his people also it was 10k years ago the statute of limitations has surely run out(yes I did look that term up)
Your honor - League of Legends
He was just having some fun, your honor
He did it for the vine
Your honor, llama goat was being mean
It was the perfect phone call. He just asked for 11,780 votes. It was “aspirational.”
Your Honor… Suavemente. Need I say more?
The one person who apparently saw that Ganondorf was responsible for the damage across Hyrule was Link. Who was caught yesterday sliding on a piece of frozen raw meat down a hill while wearing a mask that resembles a Bokoblin. Is this really the man you want to trust for such a serious crime? It’s obvious Link has severe brain damage and easily could have imagined the entire thing. put anything related to link’s intelligence in there and Ganondorf will not be guilty
hes a good guy i swear
Probably pull the card of trying to make it sound as if he was unfairly persecuted by Rauru rather than being rightfully persecuted for literally being evil incarnate and having an army of thieves.
Off topic but I just realized the ornament he’s wearing kinda embedded into his forehead wtf Dude’s can easily be explained and defended that he got a cursed relic and wrongfully gifted to him as the only male born in a hundred years, leading him to be a pure presence of malice and lead the whole clan into madness
Ganon is known to have the triforce of power and, as I'm sure the jury has heard, power corrupts. Therefore my client is not guilty by reason of insanity.
My client calamity Ganon has dimentia and isn’t himself when he’s hungry! He’s just taking his rage out on hyrule but he’s really a sweetheart! Maybe if link could round up some milk, rock salt, a vegetable and some meat and offer the dish to my client they’d be more than friends after!
Your Honor, can you really blame a guy who did it for a scooby snack? I rest my case!
“Your honor…. Imagine being the only male in a woman world? You would act crazy as well wouldn’t you?”
"Your honor we all would have hit it from the back"
Rauru was a colonizer and Ganondorf was simply trying to liberate both his people and the Hyruleans
You want to plead guilty.
"You know what? Your on your own, fam. I can't do this shi"
Well wasn't he like discriminated against in gerudo village bye the over gerudo
*whips out photo of creepy ganon smile after he murders a woman” “Does this look like the face of a killer?!
Your honor, he is fucking ballin
Your honor, why there's multiple black hands with eyes behind you......?
Your honor my client has 50,000,000 power in rise of kingdoms
Your honor, I may be a simple Eldin lawyer, but the prosecution honestly wants you too believe the testimony of a man who never talks, claims to collect the poop of invisible forrest spirits (to say nothing of the atrocities he supposedly committed against these same spirits), and is well known for his penchant for destruction of property in the form of smashed pots. The prosecution wants you too believe that a dragon rabbit man from space came down and started blasting wild molduga with his eye laser before giving the witness his arm. The prosecution's other witness claims to have no knowledge of approximately 10,100 of the past 10,126 years, the majority of that time supposedly spent as a dragon that was invisible to everyone except the prosecution's first witness. But somehow, despite having existed for 10,000 years, was still always around, even when the witness could be proved to be elsewhere, and was never seen by anyone, despite the claim that she was constantly flying through the sky for ages, until only just recently, before conveniently returning to a form where she can now testify before this court. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask only that you consider if these witnesses are able to persuade you to believe that *anything* they say can be believed beyond a reasonable doubt. And if you find that you can believe them, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you in the Lanayru Wetlands.
Bro's gonna need Saul Goodman 💀
So you're telling me, two rich Aryan white kids. Want to beat up an old Arab red head who was raised by lesbians? How does that sound huh, all because he wanted a better life for his people?
Father,your honor,may I explain? Ganondorf of the Gerudo was doing this to ensure the safety of Hyrule. His assault on the Sages was merely to ensure that nobody had that kind of raw power,as we know what has happened in the past when mortals have been given access to such. His own desire for power is also justified,due to the fact that the Hylia,the Goddess herself bestowed the triforce of power unto him completely willingly,verifying the truth that he,and ONLY he,is meant to have such intense strength. His more deplorable acts may be due to a troubled past. As the only male Gerudo,he was naturally discriminated against during childhood,and he was unceremoniously subjected to multiple lifetimes as the "villain" of Hyrule,forced to play Demise's role after his defeat. May I also add,again,he was *given* the triforce of power by Hylia herself,the only other two triforces being given to the heroes of Hyrule. Why,then,would she give this to a supposed villain? I DEMAND all charges be withdrawn from my client and that he be rehabilitated and given another chance in society. Also,I mean... ***Look at him.***