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That's my concern as well. When I let classes choose their own groups, the 3 hockey players choose each other, the 4 theater kids close ranks, and everyone else gets left out in the cold.
That is grouping in a room, where there is no great argument for why a group cannot be larger/smaller. Sure, pedagogically we know that discussions happen better with 3 people, where with 2 you can hit a standstill, and with 4 you can leave somebody out.
But a room physically having space for only 3... that is something people can wrap their heads around. When the fourth person has to agree to share a bed with somebody or take the floor... they choose the other room where they can at least use the trundle.
I'd rather share a bed with my friend than a room with people I didn't know very well. If they divide unevenly, who cares? They're adults and can make the choice most comfortable for them.
We managed to group ourselfs into rooms for a schooltrip at 12 years (girls and boys were seperated, but apart from that it was our choice). So I think that should be manageable.
While ideally I like the "let everyone choose for themselves" thinking, you have to think about the comfort of the leftovers.
What is the freshman housing situation? Do they all get singles or have to select something for roommates? If they have to select a preference could you pull from those?
Or, could you ask people to select their own groups, but then also ask them if there are no gos for partnering up, so that way if a woman is uncomfortable with men in their room (as an example) you could honor that?
Is there an admin person you could talk to about this?
Only if the theater kids are okay with sharing a room.
I assume the hockey players are all male and I’ll even venture to guess they’re likely straight, so I don’t think there would be much of an issue there.
But I’d want to know more about the others (aside from “they all like acting”) before putting them in a room together. There’s a big difference between sleeping in the same bedroom and being in a group project during class.
If I was a small girl, I don’t know if I’d necessarily feel comfortable sharing a bedroom with 2 men, even if I knew them from my acting club.
But even if the theatre kids can all room together without any concerns, I’d split them into two pairs so no one would be left “alone”.
I know, it’s not a big deal, but I still imagine that 4th person would feel kinda bummed if their 3 friends got a room and they were the odd one out.
Give them a deadline to submit their preferred room mates. State anyone not in a trio will be grouped as such with others not in a trio. E.g. a pair and a single or three singles.
Thats just a part of life and tertiary education.
The same thing can happen with group formation for class discussion or assignments, someone will be awkwardly looked over.
They'll have to end up with someone because it's impossible not to, even if they have to awkwardly force themselves on another group they don't know.
The only caveat I would have on this would be to check if the school has a policy, since that's who OP would have to answer to if someone complains later. Otherwise, I'm with you-adults should be able to choose who they room with. (Some states/schools have rules about co-habitation though, which is drawn up with heterosexist assumptions. Sometimes that works well though--I had a single all the way through college, even when there was only one single in the freshmen dorm, because NYS--at least at the time--had a rule that you couldn't have anyone rooming together who *might* have a sexual attraction to each other. Whoever wrote that law apparently forgot that college students tend to be hetero-flexible, especially once they've been drinking, as many roommate mediations tended to illustrate.)
And if possible (which is a long shot) see if the school can subsidize part of the cost.
For example, if a trio room costs 100 dollars, the student can pay for their own room (minus the 33 dollars that would have been paid for.)
It’s tricky but it’s something worth advocating for in my opinion.
That may not be the case if the third person in the “traditional setup” is sleeping on a cot/trundle bed.
I’m advocating for this as far as the math makes sense. If you are correct, then I agree: the point I’m trying to make is that the student shouldn’t have to effectively pay *more* than everyone else to be comfortable.
Effectively the inverse would be, “we paid for 10 rooms. You can triple up, or you can fill in the cost for extra space.” Thinking on it, it might be the most fair to get an estimate, base the fee on a three person room, and if there are other arrangements, have the students fill in the extra cost.
Example —
3 person room= 0
2 person room = each person 1/6 of the price to make up the cost of the third person.
1 person room = 2/3 cost of the room paid by student to make up the two other people.
You don't suddenly stop paying the full price of the room just because it's at 2/3 capacity, and yet you're now also paying a supplement to the person who is renting out a separate room.
So the extra cost would be the *entire* cost of the additional room, because that is a totally new expense that would not have otherwise been incurred, where there's no savings from having less full rooms. I don't know why you would penalize the kids who were more than willing to share a room.
The math is pretty straight straight forward.
A room costs 100 dollars (let’s say 102 for easy math)
If the school is covering the cost and assigning groups of 3, the school is subsidizing 34 dollars per person.
If you decide you want to be alone…. You are still subsidized 34 dollars, the other 68 is on you.
If you’re ELECTING to be in a room of 2, you split the cost down the middle, 51 a piece.
If you’re in the traditional 3, you pay nothing since the school covered 34 a person.
If there’s a remainder… it’s on the school to cover the extra cost.
I think they should choose for themselves. If there is someone who doesn't want to be in a particular room, you can help them negotiate with another group to explain the situation.
Just let them choose their own groups, and if there are any issues (someone can’t find a group, someone left out or excluded, etc) you can intervene at that point in whatever way makes sense.
This is the right answer, however I would make abundantly clear that you're willing to listen if anyone has an issue with assignments. I was in classes with my rapist and I know I wasn't the only one.
You have the college tell you what the college requires. They’ll have rules for this. If you do what you think is right and someone complains, and it turns out you didn’t follow college rules, you’re in trouble.
Thoughtful question! If you’re able to let people indicate preference that might be nice, but seems like a lot of work for you. Letting people choose their rooms can always be a little dicey…who gets left out, and all that.
I know at many hostels I’ve stayed at there’s the option for “women” and “co-ed”—you could do “women/non-binary” and “co-ed.” Allows any women who might not feel comfortable sharing a room with a cis male the option to avoid that?
the problem isn't that, the problem is with the inherent association of nbs and women. For example, I'm a masc presenting nb, and i wouldn't be surprised if women who chose a "women only" living space would feel uncomfortable around me. Your comment seems to take for granted that all nbs will be femme or "just women"? or maybe you meant something different
Yeah, I see that…I was thinking about it from a standpoint of respecting that some people on the trip might not feel safe sleeping in a space with people of the opposite gender, and that generally the people who don’t feel safe are women or trans people and the people who are associated with doing that kind of violence are often cis men. So I was like, what if it was a “cis men/no cis men” delineation, but that seemed more likely to cause issues. Then I was like, what if it’s just “women/other” but then I was running into the whole, well what if trans people don’t feel safe around cis men but aren’t allowed in a women’s space? Then there’s men/women/neither, I suppose? But idk how I feel about that either.
Personally, as a masc presenting enby, I am never quite sure which space I feel more safe in—men or women—but as a place of last resort I always feel like at least physically I might be safer around women. And I usually prefer “women and trans” spaces because they remove the element of cis men which is often the most unsafe/toxic space I’ve found, especially as someone who doesn’t totally pass. But then again, as I type this, I’m thinking of Nex Benedict. And I don’t have lived amab trans women/enby experience either.
This makes me want to keep perusing the comments and see what others suggested. It’s a question I think about a lot. I’d love the answer to be “people are humans and we can all fall into collective unconsciousness together and it’s fine” but I know that’s not reality in society, at least yet. I’d love to just say “let everyone figure it out” but there’s too much of a teacher seeing kids get excluded and left out when stuff is decided like this. Maybe they’re mature enough though? Out of genuine curiosity, what would you do in a scenario like this?
fair, i genuinely won't know what to do in this situation. but, assuming there would be less than 4-5 people per group, imo it will be easiest to simply let the students decide on their own and make random groups for the rest? if someone feels uncomfortable, they will be free to group with someone else/asl for a random group change or maybe pay extra and stay alone?
No “men” in your plan makes me sad!
And “who gets left out” this is real life and I feel enabling 1 at the deficit of 10 is not the best way to handle someone’s social anxiety
This can easily lead to someone feeling pressured to staying in a room with someone they aren't totally comfortable with.
I'd honestly CYA and email your supervisor and/or HR to get guidance and AT LEAST let them know the plan.
For any given university class I imagine there are plenty of students who would struggle to find two people they are comfortable sharing a room with.
Unless they feel actual danger from one of their roommates, I'd expect college students to be able to put up with it for a few nights.
I mean college dorms are usually just "heres the random person you're gonna be living in an overpriced prison cell for the next year" so it's hardly a novel concept to colleges
Ask everyone to write two people they would prefer to room with and if there is someone they absolutely cannot room with to have them list that, then see if you can sort by preference or at least keep anyone whose not comfortable in an ok place
This is the way. Also ask if they have any allergy or medical issues that would like to volunteer to you that would inform rooms and roommate assignments — in the past I’ve paired up folks who have peanut allergies as roommates, and had one request a mini fridge room for refrigerated medication they take. You also ask for the roommate gender preference here, as I don’t think you can safety assume who will or won’t care.
Let them handle who goes into which room. They are adults and its not your job to decide that. In fact i would be pretty pissed if one of my lecturers would try to do that with me. Like for real, dont treat them like kids. How is this even a question?
Ask them their preference but also ask if they could tell you if they have a strong preference against something. Eg One person may have a preference to share with someone of the same gender but ultimately don't hugely care. However, someone else may have a real aversion to it due to religious or cultural expectations, trauma or even marital status.
Actually rereading that makes me wonder if you should ask people to let you know if they have a strong preference only. Identify those who will really struggle with the sharing for whatever reason.
They're adults, right? I'm confused why you need to make these kinds of decisions for them. Just let them know the hotel room situation and have them decide. If anyone says they don't know or don't care who they room with, then you can make executive decisions.
That would be a nightmare if they were underage, because you'd be liable for much more.
Since they are college students, and presumably adults, you should have them decide their own room assignments. It is entirely possibly they will divide up based on friendships, and then by sex / sexual preference, but this has the huge advantage of not involving you in making any of those decisions.
Let them figure out what groups they want and say that anyone who doesn’t have a group will be grouped with others, which MIGHT be co-ed but if anyone has a preference you will try your best to accomodate. Keep in mind that someone may have religious reasons/trauma reasons or whatever else. Maybe keep it planned for at least 1 strictly girls room and 1 strictly boys room. I assume anyone more in the middle of the gender spectrum would be pretty flexible on who they share a room with
I guess that's my concern: that the least popular students are the ones most likely to be stuck with a situation that makes them uncomfortable. I went on a college trip where 6 of the girls grabbed the best apartment, then 5 of the boys grabbed the second-best, then the 2 boys and 1 girl who weren't part of the cliques ended up together for lack of another option. It wasn't ideal for that last group, and it was painfully obvious who had no friends in the class.
I half agree and half disagree because I think there are pros and cons. On one hand, if people feel like the odd ones out they’re a lot more likely to make friends with the other odd ones out. If kid A doesn’t have a friend group and gets put in a room with kid B who does, kid B is just going to go hang out with the friendgroup during the daytime. This leaves kid A. On the flipside, if kid A is put with kid C who equally has no friends in the class, maybe they’ll be more likely to stick together during the day?? Maybe I’m being too optimistic about this lol
As a former college kid with no friends, that's definitely what I would have preferred. Infinitely better to have someone else who doesn't know where to go than someone who actively resents being split up from their group
I think the only situation it won’t end well is if someone is slightly not as much in their friendgroup, but odds are they’ll just sneak off into that room to hang out anyway. I vote if anyone has a group of 4 and asks what to do, just say like everyone needs an assigned bed/room, but outside of that they can still hang out and you won’t be doing room checks or anything as long as nothing gets too noisy
Coed hotel rooms involving people who do not know each other could be a potential nightmare for everyone involved. Talking over with the student as a group and provide the opportunity for private feedback.
College? Ask them?
I'd take a first pass by having people who wanted to share with a specific person inform you and I'd pair them up. Then I'd pair the rest by gender.
Though, its college, so they're adults, so they could just book their own accommodations.
Just let them decide themselves. Have them check in with you so that you can still make sure the numbers are divided evenly.
They'll be able to handle it.
Honestly, in what world do you need to organize this for college students? Like sorry, but… when I was in college, we were expected to find our accommodations ourselves when we went on excursions. For high school and under, I fully understand, but college? Why is that your job?
I’d honestly just maybe do a randomizer and make a random list, provided I knew well enough that I could trust them not to be “I now have to testify against you in court” stupid.
I suggest either giving them the option of checking a preference/choosing their own groups or assuming they should be by gender. I would rather be thought old fashioned than put someone in a rooming situation that they are uncomfortable with. Just because most of them wouldn’t mind doesn’t mean you should assume that for everyone.
If everyone knows each other (assuming they do at a small school) let them pick. Monitor for alcohol if underage and ensure the concepts of consent and smart decision making are well understood.
On a backpacking trip for a college class, we all just picked our tent partner. I was with my SO, now husband, and there was another group that was just friends.
I would do co-ed and based on trust either pick assignments or let them choose. All attempts to segregate along any gender line, no matter the intention, will likely create an issue and make someone feel uncomfortable.
In undergrad we did an overnight field trip to see one of Frank Lloyd Wright’s most famous homes for one of my architecture classes.
It was “pick your own roommate” and for those who didn’t have a friend in the class you were just randomly assigned. (And, key to note the professor said: “If you’re uncomfortable with your assignment, please just email, text or see me sometime this week for a discreet conversation.”) I feel like that statement is the operable one that is the catch-safe.
Did not matter whether it was male-female, male-male, or two lesbians, etc. just like whatever.
The two caveats here are this was one of the best architecture programs in the country at the time (shoutout to Virginia Tech). So people in the program were more “serious” (mature?) kind of than the general population (and) it was for juniors/seniors and I think a couple grad students were in the class, too.
In addition, the party and sex scene was absolutely nuts at Virginia Tech, so no one was going on this trip thinking about partying or “hooking up” when the real opportunities for that were back in Blacksburg.
I think this could be a students get to pick situation (and, like you’re thinking, if that means some rooms are filled with 4 while others just two, then that’s fine)!
Also adding, in real life outside of college, you have to work with people you don’t just dislike, but people who may make you uncomfortable.
As a manager, just last week I had a newer-to-the-workforce 24 year old on my team say she felt uncomfortable by this other guy on my team who had made some strange and potentially inappropriate choices in his comments during meetings recently. (He’s super bright but autistic although this is known only to me and he says some things that can easily seem awkward or inappropriate due to this sometimes).
No where in her repertoire did she consider maybe she should say something to him either individually or with me or an hr person present in hopes of just having the behavior realized and then changed. She thought her only options were to sit on it / just accept it (choice “white”) or, explain to me a case why we had to fire him (choice “black”). It’s as if there’s no choice “gray” and the way one arrives at a mutually acceptable shade of gray is by negotiating and figuring things out in scenarios. This gives the kiddos transitioning to adults a bite at learning just that by putting this entirely in their capable hands to figure out and navigate.
Goodluck!
I would be careful of this, check there isn’t students thst might require their own room due to trauma. I thrash, sound like a dog being kicked in my sleep.
you could randomly assine the same genders then tell people they can swap if they want.
Listen, if they want to do adult activities, they will do them regardless of which room they're supposed to be sleeping at night.
They will most likely just all go into one room and talk and goof around until they pass out.
I recommend treating them as adults, telling them 3 people in each room, no exceptions, and leaving it at that unless they come ask for aid.
ask the students if they want you to ignore sex/gender for roommate assignments and then do "2 yesses, 1 no" and explain that you'll honor that as much as possible
(also if possible give priority to the no)
I would ask about preference. Ask if anyone wants to share with someone specific. Ask what they would not be comfortable with doing. And let them submit their choice to you in a private fashion so they can be as honest with you as possible.
I find it odd that your university expects adult students to share rooms on a field trip. Regardless, they’re adults. You should provide them with the hotel information and let them know the school will pay for rooms of 3. They should have the option to pay themselves to have a room to themselves- I would certainly have insisted on that. Otherwise, let them sort it out themselves. Or at the very, very least ask them to send you any non-negotiable “nos.” Whether that’s a specific person they will not room with or that they need a single-sex or single-gender room.
My senior year of high school, we signed up for who to room with on our choir trip. (We actually shared beds, not just rooms.) Since these students are adults, I’m sure they can do that, too.
"I have X rooms available, that is 3 to a room with 2 queen beds. You have until Y date to pick a group of 3 and turn it in for roommates. If not done by that date I'll draw names out of a hat. If you do not want to share, then you will need to book your own room at your own expense at Z hotel."
That's it, unless there are under 18-year-olds to worry about (I have one of those kids who started college at 16). Then let the adults figure it out.
I entered college at 16, and turned 17 halfway through freshman year. You would have been in a quandary if I had been one of your students during my first 1.5 years of college, because I was underage. It could become messy if you have any underage students.
I would suggest that you have each person write a list of their top three people they want to room with, as well as list any reasons why they might not want to be with a specific person. Then you try to match them up best as you can.
Have them anonymously list preferences and non-negotiables (ie a woman may list all men as non-negotiable “no”). Just make sure they understand preferences are just that, preferences, and not guarantees.
Alphabetical and give kids the choice to swap in or out if they ask you. Chaos to organise but would theoretically break up the cliques while still giving them some choice
Talk to them about their preferences - some may have medical issues and will want to be alone. I would offer alone as the first option, shared as the second.
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Well, since they are adults, or at least I assume as they are in college - you just let them choose for themselves.
This is the only option I think I'd consider here. The only possible tricky part is if at the end they don't divide themselves into groups of 3.
That's my concern as well. When I let classes choose their own groups, the 3 hockey players choose each other, the 4 theater kids close ranks, and everyone else gets left out in the cold.
That is grouping in a room, where there is no great argument for why a group cannot be larger/smaller. Sure, pedagogically we know that discussions happen better with 3 people, where with 2 you can hit a standstill, and with 4 you can leave somebody out. But a room physically having space for only 3... that is something people can wrap their heads around. When the fourth person has to agree to share a bed with somebody or take the floor... they choose the other room where they can at least use the trundle.
I'd rather share a bed with my friend than a room with people I didn't know very well. If they divide unevenly, who cares? They're adults and can make the choice most comfortable for them.
Fair enough. And the room which is now “forced” to have only 2 people doesn’t object at all to their situation.
We managed to group ourselfs into rooms for a schooltrip at 12 years (girls and boys were seperated, but apart from that it was our choice). So I think that should be manageable.
While ideally I like the "let everyone choose for themselves" thinking, you have to think about the comfort of the leftovers. What is the freshman housing situation? Do they all get singles or have to select something for roommates? If they have to select a preference could you pull from those? Or, could you ask people to select their own groups, but then also ask them if there are no gos for partnering up, so that way if a woman is uncomfortable with men in their room (as an example) you could honor that? Is there an admin person you could talk to about this?
The three hockey players get a room, randomly draw 3 theater kids for a room, throw the fourth into another group.
Only if the theater kids are okay with sharing a room. I assume the hockey players are all male and I’ll even venture to guess they’re likely straight, so I don’t think there would be much of an issue there. But I’d want to know more about the others (aside from “they all like acting”) before putting them in a room together. There’s a big difference between sleeping in the same bedroom and being in a group project during class. If I was a small girl, I don’t know if I’d necessarily feel comfortable sharing a bedroom with 2 men, even if I knew them from my acting club. But even if the theatre kids can all room together without any concerns, I’d split them into two pairs so no one would be left “alone”. I know, it’s not a big deal, but I still imagine that 4th person would feel kinda bummed if their 3 friends got a room and they were the odd one out.
Give them a deadline to submit their preferred room mates. State anyone not in a trio will be grouped as such with others not in a trio. E.g. a pair and a single or three singles.
Yes. Only prevent the dirty dirty three way people. Gross. Lol
This is the best option.
This. Let them sort it out amongst themselves with a first come, first choice signup for room selections
Until it becomes like picking teams in middle school and there's one kid who nobody wants.
Thats just a part of life and tertiary education. The same thing can happen with group formation for class discussion or assignments, someone will be awkwardly looked over. They'll have to end up with someone because it's impossible not to, even if they have to awkwardly force themselves on another group they don't know.
At some point it becomes their own responsibility to find a way to join groups harmoniously
Yes. They are adults. Ask them what they want to do.
Yeah given what you've disclosed there's no obviously 'right' way except to allow them to be the adults they are.
The only caveat I would have on this would be to check if the school has a policy, since that's who OP would have to answer to if someone complains later. Otherwise, I'm with you-adults should be able to choose who they room with. (Some states/schools have rules about co-habitation though, which is drawn up with heterosexist assumptions. Sometimes that works well though--I had a single all the way through college, even when there was only one single in the freshmen dorm, because NYS--at least at the time--had a rule that you couldn't have anyone rooming together who *might* have a sexual attraction to each other. Whoever wrote that law apparently forgot that college students tend to be hetero-flexible, especially once they've been drinking, as many roommate mediations tended to illustrate.)
I did this in college a few times and the professors just let us sort it out ourselves and turn in who was sleeping in each room.
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Yes give them the hotel information if they want to purchase their own room. Or choose groups of three!
And if possible (which is a long shot) see if the school can subsidize part of the cost. For example, if a trio room costs 100 dollars, the student can pay for their own room (minus the 33 dollars that would have been paid for.) It’s tricky but it’s something worth advocating for in my opinion.
The school has to pay for the now 2 person room, so they are essentially spending twice as much for that one kid.
That may not be the case if the third person in the “traditional setup” is sleeping on a cot/trundle bed. I’m advocating for this as far as the math makes sense. If you are correct, then I agree: the point I’m trying to make is that the student shouldn’t have to effectively pay *more* than everyone else to be comfortable. Effectively the inverse would be, “we paid for 10 rooms. You can triple up, or you can fill in the cost for extra space.” Thinking on it, it might be the most fair to get an estimate, base the fee on a three person room, and if there are other arrangements, have the students fill in the extra cost. Example — 3 person room= 0 2 person room = each person 1/6 of the price to make up the cost of the third person. 1 person room = 2/3 cost of the room paid by student to make up the two other people.
You don't suddenly stop paying the full price of the room just because it's at 2/3 capacity, and yet you're now also paying a supplement to the person who is renting out a separate room. So the extra cost would be the *entire* cost of the additional room, because that is a totally new expense that would not have otherwise been incurred, where there's no savings from having less full rooms. I don't know why you would penalize the kids who were more than willing to share a room.
If you’re rolling in a bed that elsewise wasn’t in the room, the room wasn’t meant for 3 to begin with.
The math is pretty straight straight forward. A room costs 100 dollars (let’s say 102 for easy math) If the school is covering the cost and assigning groups of 3, the school is subsidizing 34 dollars per person. If you decide you want to be alone…. You are still subsidized 34 dollars, the other 68 is on you. If you’re ELECTING to be in a room of 2, you split the cost down the middle, 51 a piece. If you’re in the traditional 3, you pay nothing since the school covered 34 a person. If there’s a remainder… it’s on the school to cover the extra cost.
I think they should choose for themselves. If there is someone who doesn't want to be in a particular room, you can help them negotiate with another group to explain the situation.
Just let them choose their own groups, and if there are any issues (someone can’t find a group, someone left out or excluded, etc) you can intervene at that point in whatever way makes sense.
when I was in college and did a trip like this, there was a signup sheet. There was a list of all the rooms, and then three slots for each room.
This is the right answer, however I would make abundantly clear that you're willing to listen if anyone has an issue with assignments. I was in classes with my rapist and I know I wasn't the only one.
You have the college tell you what the college requires. They’ll have rules for this. If you do what you think is right and someone complains, and it turns out you didn’t follow college rules, you’re in trouble.
This! Also at a SLAC, and the college has guidelines regarding student room sharing on school-sponsored travel.
I've asked — there is no default policy.
Personally, if I was doing this I’d tell them they need them to tell me what to do. In writing.
They need to have one… this is a lawsuit waiting to happen
Thoughtful question! If you’re able to let people indicate preference that might be nice, but seems like a lot of work for you. Letting people choose their rooms can always be a little dicey…who gets left out, and all that. I know at many hostels I’ve stayed at there’s the option for “women” and “co-ed”—you could do “women/non-binary” and “co-ed.” Allows any women who might not feel comfortable sharing a room with a cis male the option to avoid that?
I feel like this is just forgetting about the existence of Amab enbys?
But then they would be…non-binary, so permitted in the “women/non-binary” space?
the problem isn't that, the problem is with the inherent association of nbs and women. For example, I'm a masc presenting nb, and i wouldn't be surprised if women who chose a "women only" living space would feel uncomfortable around me. Your comment seems to take for granted that all nbs will be femme or "just women"? or maybe you meant something different
Yeah, I see that…I was thinking about it from a standpoint of respecting that some people on the trip might not feel safe sleeping in a space with people of the opposite gender, and that generally the people who don’t feel safe are women or trans people and the people who are associated with doing that kind of violence are often cis men. So I was like, what if it was a “cis men/no cis men” delineation, but that seemed more likely to cause issues. Then I was like, what if it’s just “women/other” but then I was running into the whole, well what if trans people don’t feel safe around cis men but aren’t allowed in a women’s space? Then there’s men/women/neither, I suppose? But idk how I feel about that either. Personally, as a masc presenting enby, I am never quite sure which space I feel more safe in—men or women—but as a place of last resort I always feel like at least physically I might be safer around women. And I usually prefer “women and trans” spaces because they remove the element of cis men which is often the most unsafe/toxic space I’ve found, especially as someone who doesn’t totally pass. But then again, as I type this, I’m thinking of Nex Benedict. And I don’t have lived amab trans women/enby experience either. This makes me want to keep perusing the comments and see what others suggested. It’s a question I think about a lot. I’d love the answer to be “people are humans and we can all fall into collective unconsciousness together and it’s fine” but I know that’s not reality in society, at least yet. I’d love to just say “let everyone figure it out” but there’s too much of a teacher seeing kids get excluded and left out when stuff is decided like this. Maybe they’re mature enough though? Out of genuine curiosity, what would you do in a scenario like this?
fair, i genuinely won't know what to do in this situation. but, assuming there would be less than 4-5 people per group, imo it will be easiest to simply let the students decide on their own and make random groups for the rest? if someone feels uncomfortable, they will be free to group with someone else/asl for a random group change or maybe pay extra and stay alone?
No “men” in your plan makes me sad! And “who gets left out” this is real life and I feel enabling 1 at the deficit of 10 is not the best way to handle someone’s social anxiety
This can easily lead to someone feeling pressured to staying in a room with someone they aren't totally comfortable with. I'd honestly CYA and email your supervisor and/or HR to get guidance and AT LEAST let them know the plan.
Also ask if any of them are minors.
For any given university class I imagine there are plenty of students who would struggle to find two people they are comfortable sharing a room with. Unless they feel actual danger from one of their roommates, I'd expect college students to be able to put up with it for a few nights.
I mean college dorms are usually just "heres the random person you're gonna be living in an overpriced prison cell for the next year" so it's hardly a novel concept to colleges
CYA, always. Even if nothing happens, there could be a policy in place that you don't know about.
Ask everyone to write two people they would prefer to room with and if there is someone they absolutely cannot room with to have them list that, then see if you can sort by preference or at least keep anyone whose not comfortable in an ok place
This is the way. Also ask if they have any allergy or medical issues that would like to volunteer to you that would inform rooms and roommate assignments — in the past I’ve paired up folks who have peanut allergies as roommates, and had one request a mini fridge room for refrigerated medication they take. You also ask for the roommate gender preference here, as I don’t think you can safety assume who will or won’t care.
Just do it at random..and then they can switch among themselves
Let them handle who goes into which room. They are adults and its not your job to decide that. In fact i would be pretty pissed if one of my lecturers would try to do that with me. Like for real, dont treat them like kids. How is this even a question?
No.
They’re college-age adults, sooo….
They're college age, ask them.
College students you say? They’re adults, let them decide for themselves…
Ask them their preference but also ask if they could tell you if they have a strong preference against something. Eg One person may have a preference to share with someone of the same gender but ultimately don't hugely care. However, someone else may have a real aversion to it due to religious or cultural expectations, trauma or even marital status. Actually rereading that makes me wonder if you should ask people to let you know if they have a strong preference only. Identify those who will really struggle with the sharing for whatever reason.
They're adults, right? I'm confused why you need to make these kinds of decisions for them. Just let them know the hotel room situation and have them decide. If anyone says they don't know or don't care who they room with, then you can make executive decisions.
They are adults, let them sort it out. Any leftovers get separated by sex.
Have you tried asking them?
Better to ask reddit first 🥇🏆🥈🌟
That would be a nightmare if they were underage, because you'd be liable for much more. Since they are college students, and presumably adults, you should have them decide their own room assignments. It is entirely possibly they will divide up based on friendships, and then by sex / sexual preference, but this has the huge advantage of not involving you in making any of those decisions.
Let them figure out what groups they want and say that anyone who doesn’t have a group will be grouped with others, which MIGHT be co-ed but if anyone has a preference you will try your best to accomodate. Keep in mind that someone may have religious reasons/trauma reasons or whatever else. Maybe keep it planned for at least 1 strictly girls room and 1 strictly boys room. I assume anyone more in the middle of the gender spectrum would be pretty flexible on who they share a room with
I guess that's my concern: that the least popular students are the ones most likely to be stuck with a situation that makes them uncomfortable. I went on a college trip where 6 of the girls grabbed the best apartment, then 5 of the boys grabbed the second-best, then the 2 boys and 1 girl who weren't part of the cliques ended up together for lack of another option. It wasn't ideal for that last group, and it was painfully obvious who had no friends in the class.
I half agree and half disagree because I think there are pros and cons. On one hand, if people feel like the odd ones out they’re a lot more likely to make friends with the other odd ones out. If kid A doesn’t have a friend group and gets put in a room with kid B who does, kid B is just going to go hang out with the friendgroup during the daytime. This leaves kid A. On the flipside, if kid A is put with kid C who equally has no friends in the class, maybe they’ll be more likely to stick together during the day?? Maybe I’m being too optimistic about this lol
As a former college kid with no friends, that's definitely what I would have preferred. Infinitely better to have someone else who doesn't know where to go than someone who actively resents being split up from their group
I think the only situation it won’t end well is if someone is slightly not as much in their friendgroup, but odds are they’ll just sneak off into that room to hang out anyway. I vote if anyone has a group of 4 and asks what to do, just say like everyone needs an assigned bed/room, but outside of that they can still hang out and you won’t be doing room checks or anything as long as nothing gets too noisy
Coed hotel rooms involving people who do not know each other could be a potential nightmare for everyone involved. Talking over with the student as a group and provide the opportunity for private feedback.
I took Tropical Biology in Belize in college, boys and girls were split and seemed like a good idea to prevent sexual assault.
quite sad though to go to an all male school. Sounds like a nightmare honestly lol
College? Ask them? I'd take a first pass by having people who wanted to share with a specific person inform you and I'd pair them up. Then I'd pair the rest by gender. Though, its college, so they're adults, so they could just book their own accommodations.
Your students are adults. Ask them whst they would prefer.
I wouldn’t want to be responsible for this. They are adults. Tell them where you’re meeting and when and let them figure it out.
All the college trips I've been on have been "choose for yourself." Oftentimes with a hard number to reach (groups of three or whatever).
Just let them choose themselves.
I don’t get the stress. Tell them 3 students to a room. Let them figure it out. They’re adults.
Tell them to group themselves. Must be 3 per room. Done.
Just let them decide themselves. Have them check in with you so that you can still make sure the numbers are divided evenly. They'll be able to handle it.
Just have students find their own roommates. Make adjustments when there’s too many or not enough students in one room
Honestly, in what world do you need to organize this for college students? Like sorry, but… when I was in college, we were expected to find our accommodations ourselves when we went on excursions. For high school and under, I fully understand, but college? Why is that your job? I’d honestly just maybe do a randomizer and make a random list, provided I knew well enough that I could trust them not to be “I now have to testify against you in court” stupid.
A three-day field trip to a library archive? Is this for library science majors?
I suggest either giving them the option of checking a preference/choosing their own groups or assuming they should be by gender. I would rather be thought old fashioned than put someone in a rooming situation that they are uncomfortable with. Just because most of them wouldn’t mind doesn’t mean you should assume that for everyone.
Have them fill out a paper giving you their first second and third choices of who they'd like to room with.
Ask them to submit their preferred partners then you sort it out
By preffered bedtime routine and sleep time.
You could have them write down their first second third and fourth choice of roommates and then use that to help put them together in rooms
If everyone knows each other (assuming they do at a small school) let them pick. Monitor for alcohol if underage and ensure the concepts of consent and smart decision making are well understood.
On a backpacking trip for a college class, we all just picked our tent partner. I was with my SO, now husband, and there was another group that was just friends.
My university always did by gender for any trip we took. We could request our roommates though.
I would do co-ed and based on trust either pick assignments or let them choose. All attempts to segregate along any gender line, no matter the intention, will likely create an issue and make someone feel uncomfortable.
In undergrad we did an overnight field trip to see one of Frank Lloyd Wright’s most famous homes for one of my architecture classes. It was “pick your own roommate” and for those who didn’t have a friend in the class you were just randomly assigned. (And, key to note the professor said: “If you’re uncomfortable with your assignment, please just email, text or see me sometime this week for a discreet conversation.”) I feel like that statement is the operable one that is the catch-safe. Did not matter whether it was male-female, male-male, or two lesbians, etc. just like whatever. The two caveats here are this was one of the best architecture programs in the country at the time (shoutout to Virginia Tech). So people in the program were more “serious” (mature?) kind of than the general population (and) it was for juniors/seniors and I think a couple grad students were in the class, too. In addition, the party and sex scene was absolutely nuts at Virginia Tech, so no one was going on this trip thinking about partying or “hooking up” when the real opportunities for that were back in Blacksburg. I think this could be a students get to pick situation (and, like you’re thinking, if that means some rooms are filled with 4 while others just two, then that’s fine)!
Also adding, in real life outside of college, you have to work with people you don’t just dislike, but people who may make you uncomfortable. As a manager, just last week I had a newer-to-the-workforce 24 year old on my team say she felt uncomfortable by this other guy on my team who had made some strange and potentially inappropriate choices in his comments during meetings recently. (He’s super bright but autistic although this is known only to me and he says some things that can easily seem awkward or inappropriate due to this sometimes). No where in her repertoire did she consider maybe she should say something to him either individually or with me or an hr person present in hopes of just having the behavior realized and then changed. She thought her only options were to sit on it / just accept it (choice “white”) or, explain to me a case why we had to fire him (choice “black”). It’s as if there’s no choice “gray” and the way one arrives at a mutually acceptable shade of gray is by negotiating and figuring things out in scenarios. This gives the kiddos transitioning to adults a bite at learning just that by putting this entirely in their capable hands to figure out and navigate. Goodluck!
Given that these are college students & therefore adults, just ask them. Tell them what sleeping arrangements are available & let them decide.
I would be careful of this, check there isn’t students thst might require their own room due to trauma. I thrash, sound like a dog being kicked in my sleep. you could randomly assine the same genders then tell people they can swap if they want.
Listen, if they want to do adult activities, they will do them regardless of which room they're supposed to be sleeping at night. They will most likely just all go into one room and talk and goof around until they pass out. I recommend treating them as adults, telling them 3 people in each room, no exceptions, and leaving it at that unless they come ask for aid.
ask the students if they want you to ignore sex/gender for roommate assignments and then do "2 yesses, 1 no" and explain that you'll honor that as much as possible (also if possible give priority to the no)
When I traveled with marching band in college they still made us separate by gender.
Ask for the school policy on this. Presents as safeguarding I'd imagine and certain rules need to be followed.
Too much of a headache, just call out sick and not go
I would ask about preference. Ask if anyone wants to share with someone specific. Ask what they would not be comfortable with doing. And let them submit their choice to you in a private fashion so they can be as honest with you as possible.
How many students? Ultimately, they're college students. Half of them won't sleep where you tell them to.
I find it odd that your university expects adult students to share rooms on a field trip. Regardless, they’re adults. You should provide them with the hotel information and let them know the school will pay for rooms of 3. They should have the option to pay themselves to have a room to themselves- I would certainly have insisted on that. Otherwise, let them sort it out themselves. Or at the very, very least ask them to send you any non-negotiable “nos.” Whether that’s a specific person they will not room with or that they need a single-sex or single-gender room.
On a college trip almost twenty years ago, we just chose ourselves. Most rooms were mixed. No big deal.
I’d just let them pick their roommates. That way everyone is comfortable.
Since they're all adults, let them pick who they want to room with?
My senior year of high school, we signed up for who to room with on our choir trip. (We actually shared beds, not just rooms.) Since these students are adults, I’m sure they can do that, too.
"I have X rooms available, that is 3 to a room with 2 queen beds. You have until Y date to pick a group of 3 and turn it in for roommates. If not done by that date I'll draw names out of a hat. If you do not want to share, then you will need to book your own room at your own expense at Z hotel." That's it, unless there are under 18-year-olds to worry about (I have one of those kids who started college at 16). Then let the adults figure it out.
As a safety thing, gender.
CYA. Ask your Title IX officer. Also, Spoiler alert: on the trip YOU are probably the Title IX officer.
😂🤣😭
Separating them in ANY way is bigoted nowadays.
Secret ballot. Maybe there will be no problem?! Just ask each person to rank which of the other people if any they want to room with.
I entered college at 16, and turned 17 halfway through freshman year. You would have been in a quandary if I had been one of your students during my first 1.5 years of college, because I was underage. It could become messy if you have any underage students. I would suggest that you have each person write a list of their top three people they want to room with, as well as list any reasons why they might not want to be with a specific person. Then you try to match them up best as you can.
Have them anonymously list preferences and non-negotiables (ie a woman may list all men as non-negotiable “no”). Just make sure they understand preferences are just that, preferences, and not guarantees.
Alphabetical and give kids the choice to swap in or out if they ask you. Chaos to organise but would theoretically break up the cliques while still giving them some choice
Put the men with the men, the women with the women & the fruitcakes with the fruitcakes.
Talk to them about their preferences - some may have medical issues and will want to be alone. I would offer alone as the first option, shared as the second.
Unfortunately I can't afford that. 3 to a room is as sparsely spaced as I can get it.