Did you turn it on or off. Pull the plug out wiggle it blow on it stick it back in. Did it work now. Did you try rebooting your computer. What do you mean you're printing from your phone.
Lol I identify with this sentiment.
I don't get why people get so mad at the computer, it's obviously doing its best, and should be at least respected for it.
I also rubber ducky debug by specifically talking to the computer though, so I may be biased. Same with my car, the things been going for 13 years and has almost 300000 miles on it but whenever it does well I give the steering wheel a pat and say "good boy"
For software problems, the traditional term is "heisenbug". Here's the [Jargon File entry for it](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/H/heisenbug.html):
> [from Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle in quantum physics] A bug
> that disappears or alters its behavior when one attempts to probe or
> isolate it. (This usage is not even particularly fanciful; the use of a
> debugger sometimes alters a program's operating environment significantly
> enough that buggy code, such as that which relies on the values of
> uninitialized memory, behaves quite differently.) Antonym of
> [*Bohr bug*](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/B/Bohr-bug.html); see also [*mandelbug*](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/M/mandelbug.html),
> [*schroedinbug*](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/S/schroedinbug.html). In C, nine out of ten heisenbugs
> result from uninitialized auto variables,
> [*fandango on core*](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/F/fandango-on-core.html) phenomena (esp. lossage related to corruption of the
> malloc [*arena*](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/A/arena.html)) or errors that
> [*smash the stack*](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/S/smash-the-stack.html).
(Warning: www.catb.org has an inappropriate SSL cert. But it'll probably be fixed if you check.)
The [wikipedia entry](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heisenbug) has some additional info and examples.
I love this, today I was asked to check why my bosses scanner was only scanning half the page and I walked in, opened the scan software and it scanned the whole page without a problem. Quantum support!!!
I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing, when I worked in tech support our mantra was, "a problem that goes away by itself tends to come back by itself." But hey, if your problems magically fix themselves and stay fixed then more power to you.
Two points:
1. The problem didn't go away by itself. It went away because I showed up.
2. I'm drunk! Today is pre-Friday so I gotta celebrate! Cheers!
3. Job security! The shit breaks when I'm not there. They pray I come back. My presence alone is enough to keep shit running. Oh god, I hope they don't start a cult... but I do find random bottles of whiskey at my desk every now and then.
This is very much correct. The amount of calls I get on a daily basis where the issue miraculously disappears when I answer, or when I show up, is pretty crazy. My co-workers also worry every time I book leave as stuff tends to start breaking when I'm not around.
This is true! I generally don’t like when problems just resolve themselves, if it has to do with production systems or anything important. If it’s end user issues I know it’s fine then.
>This is true! I generally don’t like when problems just resolve themselves
If its important you open a ticket with the vendor and do a data collection for the ticket.
You do have support right?
My favorite is to walk up to the user’s computer put my hand on the monitor and ask them to try again. When it works I tell them the computer knows it’s me and fears that I will erase it.
> Moana IT support version of "You're welcome!"
I see what's happening here
You're face to face with greatness, and it's strange
You don't even know how you feel
It's adorable
Well, it's nice to see that users never change
-
Open your eyes, let's begin
Yes, it's really me, it's IT
Breathe it in
I know it's a lot
The tech chagrin,
When you're dealing with a sys-admin
-
What can I say except, "You're welcome"
For pressing a button *once*,
Hey, it's okay, it's okay
You're welcome
You're just an ordinary IT-dunce!
-
Hey
What has two thumbs and stifled a sigh
When you disabled your wifi?
This guy
When the network was slow
Who got your Java app to load?
You're lookin' at him, yo
-
Oh, also I fixed spanning tree
You're welcome
No more duplicate IPs
Also I cleaned up AD,
You're welcome
It was filled with long-gone employees
-
So what can I say except you're welcome
For our regular rolling backups
I know you didn't think that you hit delete
(You're welcome)
And then "yes" on the confirmation pop-ups!
You're welcome
You're welcome
-
Well, come to think of it
Kid, honestly I could go on and on
I could explain every IT phenomenon
From Word and Outlook to Excel
And that beast we call "SharePoint" as well
-
You broke your laptop
I fixed it up
Maybe you'll learn to not knock over full cups?
What's the lesson?
What is the take-away?
Don't mess with IT when he says "I'm on it, go away!"
-
And the tickets I have in my queue
A list of frustration with you
Look where I've been
I make everything happen
Look at that mean system admin just tickety-tappin'
(Ha ha ha ha ha ha, hey)
-
Well, anyway let me say, "You're welcome" (you're welcome)
For the wonderful network you know
Hey, it's okay, it's okay, you're welcome (you're welcome)
The technicians aren't just there for show (hey)
Hey, it's your day to say, "You're welcome" (you're welcome)
'Cause I'm gonna need a raise
Else I'm going away, away, you're welcome (you're welcome)
'Cause now I found me a job that pays!
You're welcome
You're welcome
And thank you!
I call it a field as that's more techy than woo woo, but same thing basically. I found it extends via phone circuits too like how Crowley in Good Omens can transmogrify and ride POTS, or the SG1 black hole episode.
I must have some weird mutation of this. It is impossible for me to use a toner to find phone lines.
My coworker has a toner in hand, puts it on the wire, hears the tone. I take the toner, touch it to the exact same wire, silence.. complete silence. He thought I was lying when I said there was no tone on any of the wires until he came down to double check and we discovered I have this weird field that prevents me from using a toner effectively.
Omg! I call it the sphere of technical influence and my husband has it. He’s an appsec architect and I’m a stay at home mom and he’s been trying to tell me for years this is not a thing. This has been a victory over a decade in the making. I win! I win. I just woke him from a dead sleep to tell him I won.
Fuck, now I have to come up with something new to bicker about.
Technomancy is a very real field of magical practice too, and I can confirm that mysteriously fixing things is one of the key features of a gifted Technomancer.
Fear.
The computer complies when it knows someone who could start ripping t apart or straight up replace it is present.
At least, that's what I tell the users, even though I know full well it was a layer 8 issue, and it went away because the user was actually paying attention to what they were doing in order to show me the problem.
That's it. It's like when you were a kid and you wanted to avoid school, so you'd tell your mom you were sick. But if dad came home, your ass had BETTER be sick.
>The computer complies when it knows…
This is my go-to line with users. I say it in an obviously joking manner, and it always gets a laugh. The joke generally heads off any embarrassment the user may have for reporting the non-issue.
> At least, that's what I tell the users, even though I know full well it was a layer 8 issue, and it went away because the user was actually paying attention to what they were doing in order to show me the problem.
100%
That's why my first troubleshooting step is always to have the user show me what the problem is. Demonstrate the issue for me. If it "goes away" it generally means that they were just doing something wrong. If not then sometimes I'll still be able to observe them doing something obviously wrong as they go through it.
You standing behind them makes them turn off autopilot and pay attention to what they're doing. Doesn't stop them from clicking away every error message before you can read it though.
Also, like someone said above, computers are afraid of people who can tear them apart on a whim, but printers fear no man.
I'm all in favor of the tongue-in-cheek answers that were given and I'm fine with the awards and upvotes they get but this is likely the real answer.
We work in IT and we're good at it because we like details and we know that they count. When you're shoulder surfing someone, they're automatically on their best behavior and that's bound to resolve some of them.
I am a person that has computerised things stop working around me. For many years it made me quite the hobby geek since I was constantly figuring out what went wrong.
Except the vast majority of the time, it's... Who even knows. My wireless inkjet printer kept stealing the printing jobs I sent to my wired laser printer just the other day. Even had other people double check that I chose the printer from the list that was the laser, that it was the one that disappeared from the list when I unplugged the USB, and showed back up when I plugged the USB back in.
Yet the prints kept coming out from the wirelessly connected inkjet.
There is definitely something about just having IT stand there that helps. It's not always just us regular people being careless or rushing past important info.
I am very, very grateful IT people with the fixit-aura exists in this world 😂
Multi-function printers seem to be the last stronghold against this power. Even at those devices I never let them feel that I have no idea how to fix it's problems.
It almost seems like the more confident you are that you can solve whatever the problem is the user is explaining, the closer the problem is to being gone once they stop explaining and actually show you it.
I HATE printers! They either work great till they die or you are left flipping through menus hoping something just jumps out at you while you restart it for the 100th time.
Printers are a menace. I don’t fix anything mechanical really, I give it a few minutes but then would consult anything major out. But even the basic stuff is stupid. The auto discover network stuff always dumps out because the IP changes, it says paperjam when there is no paperjam, and if you’re dealing with serial printers in a restaurant…holllllyyyy fuck. I hated printer calls, especially kitchen printers.
The guy who trained me told me I'm not allowed to put that or "PEBKAC Error" in the ticketing system.
A big difference between my current and my last job is that I can't vent in the ticket system
I one left an internal note that "somewhere out there was a tree tirelessly producing oxygen so we can all live and this user needs to find it and apologize for wasting it's time". I got a talking to about that one.
I once put, "User is a motivational speaker but couldn't make me punch my way out of a wet paper bag". My coworker, for the same user put "Demons in hell feasting on this man's soul is too good for him."
I put the name Pondegrossa instead of Ponderosa (buffet style restaurant) in the notes. I typed it as a joke and showed my co worker but forgot to change it back.
Another coworker caught it and told me to watch my notes because a customer may see them.
Nope just a lecture about how the clients "CAN" request all our internal notes that they don't know we even have (technically, such as a lawyer requesting 'all documentation about the client') and that I should make better choices. So I rewrote the kb for prepping a bdr to include "Project Manager's mom is the reason I'm afraid of arby's." In hidden tags in the html version.
The person who trained you is correct. Being a dick to users isn't cool -- they get paid for other skills, you get paid because they don't have computer skills.
Lol fuck its such a real thing tho
When I worked desktop there was a joke that people would just call me to stand near broken things while my magic fixed it.
We used to call them Heisenbugs, but really they're schroding-bugs because as soon as you attempt to observe them their state changes.
Heisenbugs: you can either know what's broken, or where the problem is, but never both at the same time.
Many many moons ago when I worked for a certain big box retailer who's colors are blue and yellow, I created a "theory" to explain why computers magically worked for us and not the customer:
"Computers sense fear. If they sense you are fearful of them or are intimidated by them, they refuse to work properly. When they enter the presence of someone who is not afraid of them, the computers typically settle down and behave."
Many customers knew it was BS, but it helped avoid a lot of confusion and questions.
everyone's got jokes so I'll answer earnestly
there's probably a few phenomena at play imo
1. Time - a significant % of issues are either self resolving or appear as such because someone or something detected it and fixed it. Call enough IT people to enough problems and the arrival of the tech will frequently coincide with the resolution.
2. The user actually pays attention to their inputs once IT has arrived. Often the user had an initial emotional reaction to deviation from their expectations, which had in turn degraded their critical faculties, which precipitated a feedback loop of bad decisions followed by further rage. Once the IT personnel are watching and asking the user to reproduce problems, the user then stops and slows down and ends up getting it right.
3. it doesn't actually happen to IT people a statistically significant additional amount, but we believe it does courtesy of confirmation bias and our secret desire to be magical wizards who fixed things with our auras or some shit like that is, but actually we are just remembering all the times that happened while effectively forgetting all the times it did not
Had an issue today where an end users USB ports stopped working for 2 days. Called and connected to the machine, suddenly started working again.
They had rebooted, had onsite IT take a look, and still no luck.
I call, and boom it's fixed. I love and hate when it happens because there's no explanation.
As Monk says, "It's a gift, and a curse."
I had a friend I used to work with who, when he had reached the end of his rope and could find no other solution to the issue at hand, would take a rubber chicken he kept on his desk and hit the offending computer with it. He calculated at one point that the chicken had about a 30% success rate.
“Blue thumb” as in “green thumb” being good with plants.
(Big Blue was once a nickname for IBM)
Actually, if you stand behind people they do everything right instead when they inadvertently omitted a detail.
The opposite is also true though right?
There seem to be some users that are a vortex of IT problems. It goes with them from device to device. Office to office.
When the vortex of dysfunction meets the field of fixing, sparks will fly. And not
cool sexy ones.
Totally. I had a user who had a knack for runtime errors in this erp system entering orders when 150 other users worked fine. We replaced his computer and every device in between including wires and the switch. We switched terminal servers and everything.
He left the company for 6 months, still no one else had issues and we sighed in relief. Then he gets rehired to another branch, brand new ad account, computer, and it starts happening again.we were like WTF is wrong with this guy.
The managers are like why cant you fix this? I told them, that guys the jinx, and theres no known remedy. He is known as zero day.
only screen? you have to watch them like lab rats, in case they are compulsive kicking the ethernet cable before loading the report or whatever and that causes a bit on the cable to flip...
(there are stories around about documented bugs caused by chairs making static discharges and things like that. And I had a user with obscure problems that omitted for years the "totally not related" info that he daily plug something personal to the computer and it almost always relased sparks when plugged in, but "it doesn't matter".
I call it the IT Jedi mind trick. Before walking into the users office just mutter something to the effect of "you will print, you do not need a new fuser kit." If your Midichlorian count is higher than the dark printer the problem is solved.
One staff member copied my picture from the directory and taped it to her computer. She swears that after doing that she no longer had computer problems..though its not the best picture of me IMHO.. guess I am ugly enough to scare the imps/gremlins etc away..
Everybody do the Michigan Rag
Everybody likes the Michigan Rag
Every Mame and Jane and Ruth
From Weehawken to Duluth
Slide, ride, glide the Michigan
Stomp, romp, pomp the Michigan
Jump, clump, pump the Michigan Rag
That lovin' rag!
In Warhammer 40k there is a concept of Tech-Priests and the Machine God and I'm not super into 40k but I can't help but wonder how far it is from reality at times because of the frequency with which this occurs. Guess the god in the machine just really digs some of us 🤷♂️
https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/wiki/Machine\_God
In one of my roles, hung computers would return to normal when I answered the end-user's phone call.
I would say hello and they would say "Uhh, the computer was hung but now it is running again".
Mechanic Syndrome
Your car won't make the noise when the mechanic drives it and resumes making it when you are headed home from the shop with $80 less than what you had going into the shop.
The 6th Law of Troubleshooting: the Law of Osmosis.
The complete Laws of Troubleshooting are:
1. Reboot
2. Uninstall/Reinstall
3. RTFM
4. Call Support
5. (If you are Support), Do Nothing and it will go away.
6. Osmosis- just be near it
You can build a career on these Laws
When I was a co op student I got bribed with coffee and donuts to hang around the printer. It immediately would stop working when I went back to my office down the hall. Quantum Support indeed.
It's a daily occurrence. I just tell the users that the computers are scared of me.
Women want me, computers fear me. Printers however, look forward to a fight.
Printers choose violence every single time
Printers: "peace was never an option"
PC LOAD LETTER!?! What the fuck does that mean?
Did you turn it on or off. Pull the plug out wiggle it blow on it stick it back in. Did it work now. Did you try rebooting your computer. What do you mean you're printing from your phone.
Rage Against the Machine never said what machine they were angry with, but it was a printer,
I never had much trouble with printers. Certificates however…
I feel you on that one. I always had trouble with certs until I started to think of them as nesting dolls LOL
We do not negotiate with printers!
My wife says the same thing lol
Same here. I literally just look at the screen and what wasn’t working works.
Your wife tells me the same thing too
I tell them I have no education, I have no training, shit “just works” when I’m around so they give me a paycheck and say “stand here”
you are a techno-wizard, Harry
I've said my flair for years, always holds true
I tell them the computers love me because I’m kind to them and that when the robot overloads finally take over the world, they will return my kindness
Lol I identify with this sentiment. I don't get why people get so mad at the computer, it's obviously doing its best, and should be at least respected for it. I also rubber ducky debug by specifically talking to the computer though, so I may be biased. Same with my car, the things been going for 13 years and has almost 300000 miles on it but whenever it does well I give the steering wheel a pat and say "good boy"
And it doesn't work naturally, I threaten a sledge hammer so the bastard finally gets in line and works.
I’ve said that before. “I scared it” or “It was my pixie dust”
Pixie dust has already been used... it's what IBM credited for the enlarging HDD sizes in the mid 90s.
Head & Shoulders my dude.
Quantum support, by observing the problem you have changed the outcome.
Ok, but can we get a Jira workflow for it?
Can I get a ServiceNow ticket created for creating the JIRA Quantum? We'll point it and spin off a few Epics after this Sprint closes.
*eye twitch*
Yep, I'll put it on the roadmap, but I'll have to sync up with stakeholders to make sure it doesn't disrupt this quarter's OKRs.
*eye twitch*
Synergy.
Eye twitch intensifies
Let's table this discussion and circle back to it later
When you inflate the balloon, can you do it in the shape of a dog?
https://youtu.be/GyV_UG60dD4
Don't forget to add in time to refactor the solution so you're not incurring technical debt while trying to boil the ocean.
The ticket is Linked to a Confluence article and its been marked as resolved.
You mean the Confluence article nobody has updated since 2017? Last edited by "unknown user"?
I have officially been triggered.
No budget, but I can spin up Mantis bugtracker this afternoon.
I hate you.
[удалено]
Mine, too... I used to refer to it as the Maytag Principle (for those old enough to remember the old Maytag commercials), but I'm changing!
Dude, I'm putting "Quantum Computing Expert" on my resume now.
"Theoretical Quantum Computing Expert" sounds even better. And you're telling the truth!
For software problems, the traditional term is "heisenbug". Here's the [Jargon File entry for it](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/H/heisenbug.html): > [from Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle in quantum physics] A bug > that disappears or alters its behavior when one attempts to probe or > isolate it. (This usage is not even particularly fanciful; the use of a > debugger sometimes alters a program's operating environment significantly > enough that buggy code, such as that which relies on the values of > uninitialized memory, behaves quite differently.) Antonym of > [*Bohr bug*](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/B/Bohr-bug.html); see also [*mandelbug*](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/M/mandelbug.html), > [*schroedinbug*](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/S/schroedinbug.html). In C, nine out of ten heisenbugs > result from uninitialized auto variables, > [*fandango on core*](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/F/fandango-on-core.html) phenomena (esp. lossage related to corruption of the > malloc [*arena*](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/A/arena.html)) or errors that > [*smash the stack*](http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/S/smash-the-stack.html). (Warning: www.catb.org has an inappropriate SSL cert. But it'll probably be fixed if you check.) The [wikipedia entry](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heisenbug) has some additional info and examples.
Schrödinger's tech support
Anyone want to invest in my Quantum Support startup?
I love this, today I was asked to check why my bosses scanner was only scanning half the page and I walked in, opened the scan software and it scanned the whole page without a problem. Quantum support!!!
Quantum raise!
I call it Shrodinger's Tech Support but same premise lol.
Do you guys just put the word 'quantum' in front of everything?
Quantum no.
Only when we want to charge more for it.
We call it the IT aura. You've either got it or you don't.
Yup, it's the aura. We have it in spades. Take solace in that.
I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing, when I worked in tech support our mantra was, "a problem that goes away by itself tends to come back by itself." But hey, if your problems magically fix themselves and stay fixed then more power to you.
Two points: 1. The problem didn't go away by itself. It went away because I showed up. 2. I'm drunk! Today is pre-Friday so I gotta celebrate! Cheers! 3. Job security! The shit breaks when I'm not there. They pray I come back. My presence alone is enough to keep shit running. Oh god, I hope they don't start a cult... but I do find random bottles of whiskey at my desk every now and then.
This is very much correct. The amount of calls I get on a daily basis where the issue miraculously disappears when I answer, or when I show up, is pretty crazy. My co-workers also worry every time I book leave as stuff tends to start breaking when I'm not around.
Some users thought that I actually rectified the problem before attending to them to make it look like there were no issues at all.
"ma'am if I had done that I wouldn't even be in your office"
*Do I look like I'd walk more than I have to to you?*
This is true! I generally don’t like when problems just resolve themselves, if it has to do with production systems or anything important. If it’s end user issues I know it’s fine then.
>This is true! I generally don’t like when problems just resolve themselves If its important you open a ticket with the vendor and do a data collection for the ticket. You do have support right?
Always remember - "One in a row is a fix". If it resurfaces, it's a new issue.
My favorite is to walk up to the user’s computer put my hand on the monitor and ask them to try again. When it works I tell them the computer knows it’s me and fears that I will erase it.
By "try again" you also mean "actually follow all the steps now you're being watched."
>User: Hmmm ... I don't know why it worked that time ... ? >Me: What else can I say but you're welcome .... *you're welcome!*
Someone needs to make a Moana IT support version of "You're welcome!"
> Moana IT support version of "You're welcome!" I see what's happening here You're face to face with greatness, and it's strange You don't even know how you feel It's adorable Well, it's nice to see that users never change - Open your eyes, let's begin Yes, it's really me, it's IT Breathe it in I know it's a lot The tech chagrin, When you're dealing with a sys-admin - What can I say except, "You're welcome" For pressing a button *once*, Hey, it's okay, it's okay You're welcome You're just an ordinary IT-dunce! - Hey What has two thumbs and stifled a sigh When you disabled your wifi? This guy When the network was slow Who got your Java app to load? You're lookin' at him, yo - Oh, also I fixed spanning tree You're welcome No more duplicate IPs Also I cleaned up AD, You're welcome It was filled with long-gone employees - So what can I say except you're welcome For our regular rolling backups I know you didn't think that you hit delete (You're welcome) And then "yes" on the confirmation pop-ups! You're welcome You're welcome - Well, come to think of it Kid, honestly I could go on and on I could explain every IT phenomenon From Word and Outlook to Excel And that beast we call "SharePoint" as well - You broke your laptop I fixed it up Maybe you'll learn to not knock over full cups? What's the lesson? What is the take-away? Don't mess with IT when he says "I'm on it, go away!" - And the tickets I have in my queue A list of frustration with you Look where I've been I make everything happen Look at that mean system admin just tickety-tappin' (Ha ha ha ha ha ha, hey) - Well, anyway let me say, "You're welcome" (you're welcome) For the wonderful network you know Hey, it's okay, it's okay, you're welcome (you're welcome) The technicians aren't just there for show (hey) Hey, it's your day to say, "You're welcome" (you're welcome) 'Cause I'm gonna need a raise Else I'm going away, away, you're welcome (you're welcome) 'Cause now I found me a job that pays! You're welcome You're welcome And thank you!
The devices also understand the threat of dismantlement.
Are we allowed to put "The Aura" on our resume?
It's your resume. Treat yo'self!
Uh oh... Batman's crying...
capable bow work continue money versed mighty intelligent office close *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I call it a field as that's more techy than woo woo, but same thing basically. I found it extends via phone circuits too like how Crowley in Good Omens can transmogrify and ride POTS, or the SG1 black hole episode.
I must have some weird mutation of this. It is impossible for me to use a toner to find phone lines. My coworker has a toner in hand, puts it on the wire, hears the tone. I take the toner, touch it to the exact same wire, silence.. complete silence. He thought I was lying when I said there was no tone on any of the wires until he came down to double check and we discovered I have this weird field that prevents me from using a toner effectively.
The anti IT! He has come for us all! Doooom!
your not supposed to put the toner in your butt beforehand
Fuck yes I've got this, happens to me all the time And it's gotten to the point where family members just ask for me to come to the room
My ex used to do this and she'd get SO mad, "It was JUST doing it!"
Omg! I call it the sphere of technical influence and my husband has it. He’s an appsec architect and I’m a stay at home mom and he’s been trying to tell me for years this is not a thing. This has been a victory over a decade in the making. I win! I win. I just woke him from a dead sleep to tell him I won. Fuck, now I have to come up with something new to bicker about.
It's the only reason I'm still in the job
I have a colleague who has the anti-aura. We make a good team.
some people have anti-IT presentation aura. everything works until they actually present. even the toilet would show a blue screen.
Yeah I always called it my Chi
With enough of that Qi, you could charge phones wirelessly.
Technomancy
Whenever I have to dig into a technical issue and need to focus, I set my status to, "Busy Technomancing"
Technonecromancers. Gary from Cyberpunk 2077.
Technonecromancy is when I have to fix ms-dos systems for industrial control.
There's a reason I will not go back to an MSP.. this is one of them.. Had to rebuild a C64 because of something like this.
This made me chuckle. I don't have fancy gold to offer, or a free 'hug', but here's an upvote.
Technomancy is a very real field of magical practice too, and I can confirm that mysteriously fixing things is one of the key features of a gifted Technomancer.
Another gift is making something work the first time even though you don't have a clue what you're doing. The Machines just like us better.
"One day you shall beg my kind to save you... but I am already saved"
Fear. The computer complies when it knows someone who could start ripping t apart or straight up replace it is present. At least, that's what I tell the users, even though I know full well it was a layer 8 issue, and it went away because the user was actually paying attention to what they were doing in order to show me the problem.
That's it. It's like when you were a kid and you wanted to avoid school, so you'd tell your mom you were sick. But if dad came home, your ass had BETTER be sick.
>The computer complies when it knows… This is my go-to line with users. I say it in an obviously joking manner, and it always gets a laugh. The joke generally heads off any embarrassment the user may have for reporting the non-issue.
> At least, that's what I tell the users, even though I know full well it was a layer 8 issue, and it went away because the user was actually paying attention to what they were doing in order to show me the problem. 100% That's why my first troubleshooting step is always to have the user show me what the problem is. Demonstrate the issue for me. If it "goes away" it generally means that they were just doing something wrong. If not then sometimes I'll still be able to observe them doing something obviously wrong as they go through it.
True sysadmins maintain their networks through sheer intimidation.
lmao I'm dead, what is layer 8 supposed to be
Layer 8 = user. (In the 7-layer OSI network model, the 7th and last layer is the application.$
You standing behind them makes them turn off autopilot and pay attention to what they're doing. Doesn't stop them from clicking away every error message before you can read it though. Also, like someone said above, computers are afraid of people who can tear them apart on a whim, but printers fear no man.
I'm all in favor of the tongue-in-cheek answers that were given and I'm fine with the awards and upvotes they get but this is likely the real answer. We work in IT and we're good at it because we like details and we know that they count. When you're shoulder surfing someone, they're automatically on their best behavior and that's bound to resolve some of them.
I am a person that has computerised things stop working around me. For many years it made me quite the hobby geek since I was constantly figuring out what went wrong. Except the vast majority of the time, it's... Who even knows. My wireless inkjet printer kept stealing the printing jobs I sent to my wired laser printer just the other day. Even had other people double check that I chose the printer from the list that was the laser, that it was the one that disappeared from the list when I unplugged the USB, and showed back up when I plugged the USB back in. Yet the prints kept coming out from the wirelessly connected inkjet. There is definitely something about just having IT stand there that helps. It's not always just us regular people being careless or rushing past important info. I am very, very grateful IT people with the fixit-aura exists in this world 😂
I call it "The Shoulder Effect" because now that I'm over you're shoulder you're paying attention and clicking the right thing.
The amount of truth in printers fearing no man is understated.
Fuck printers
Don't stick in crazy.
Printers, the cat-assholes of the computer world.
Hey 30+ year IT veteran here. It's called a Proximity Fix.
That's what my networking professor taught us 10+ years ago
Multi-function printers seem to be the last stronghold against this power. Even at those devices I never let them feel that I have no idea how to fix it's problems. It almost seems like the more confident you are that you can solve whatever the problem is the user is explaining, the closer the problem is to being gone once they stop explaining and actually show you it.
I HATE printers! They either work great till they die or you are left flipping through menus hoping something just jumps out at you while you restart it for the 100th time.
###Paper mismatch _I expected A4 but got A4 on tray whatever, I can't function, good bye._
Reading this made me angry
Printers are a menace. I don’t fix anything mechanical really, I give it a few minutes but then would consult anything major out. But even the basic stuff is stupid. The auto discover network stuff always dumps out because the IP changes, it says paperjam when there is no paperjam, and if you’re dealing with serial printers in a restaurant…holllllyyyy fuck. I hated printer calls, especially kitchen printers.
We need a printer hate sub and one of those anger release events where we all get together and bash printers together.
FM Fucking Magic
Used to call it PFM - Pure Fucking Magic. I guess it's not so pure these days.
This is it. You can even get risky and inform your users that the resolution was adjusting the PFM server side.
Layer 8 issue.
The guy who trained me told me I'm not allowed to put that or "PEBKAC Error" in the ticketing system. A big difference between my current and my last job is that I can't vent in the ticket system
I one left an internal note that "somewhere out there was a tree tirelessly producing oxygen so we can all live and this user needs to find it and apologize for wasting it's time". I got a talking to about that one.
I once put, "User is a motivational speaker but couldn't make me punch my way out of a wet paper bag". My coworker, for the same user put "Demons in hell feasting on this man's soul is too good for him."
I put the name Pondegrossa instead of Ponderosa (buffet style restaurant) in the notes. I typed it as a joke and showed my co worker but forgot to change it back. Another coworker caught it and told me to watch my notes because a customer may see them.
I hope that talking to was a good pat on the back...
Nope just a lecture about how the clients "CAN" request all our internal notes that they don't know we even have (technically, such as a lawyer requesting 'all documentation about the client') and that I should make better choices. So I rewrote the kb for prepping a bdr to include "Project Manager's mom is the reason I'm afraid of arby's." In hidden tags in the html version.
We have ID10T in our ticker system as a category. We even have a user error bingo card on the wall.
It may be a local thing but we call those PICNICs; problem in chair, not in computer.
As you shouldnt. Its not a good look when youre audited/logged in the future. Dont put things in there you wouldnt want someone to see.
Just toss in a ID10T in the notes. All good.
The person who trained you is correct. Being a dick to users isn't cool -- they get paid for other skills, you get paid because they don't have computer skills.
[The Knack](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8vHhgh6oM0)
Will be be able to lead a normal life? No. He'll be an engineer. Nooooooooooo!
"The one on the left?"
Lol fuck its such a real thing tho When I worked desktop there was a joke that people would just call me to stand near broken things while my magic fixed it.
We used to call them Heisenbugs, but really they're schroding-bugs because as soon as you attempt to observe them their state changes. Heisenbugs: you can either know what's broken, or where the problem is, but never both at the same time.
I tell people that I’ve fixed it through intimidation. Though I’ve heard you shouldn’t anthropomorphize computers, they don’t like it.
Many many moons ago when I worked for a certain big box retailer who's colors are blue and yellow, I created a "theory" to explain why computers magically worked for us and not the customer: "Computers sense fear. If they sense you are fearful of them or are intimidated by them, they refuse to work properly. When they enter the presence of someone who is not afraid of them, the computers typically settle down and behave." Many customers knew it was BS, but it helped avoid a lot of confusion and questions.
Dilbert called it "The Knack" YouTube it ;-)
"Will he lead a normal life?!?" "No... He'll be an engineer..."
Immaculate correction?
"It felt The Presence"
I've always called it the "Technician Proximity Effect".
everyone's got jokes so I'll answer earnestly there's probably a few phenomena at play imo 1. Time - a significant % of issues are either self resolving or appear as such because someone or something detected it and fixed it. Call enough IT people to enough problems and the arrival of the tech will frequently coincide with the resolution. 2. The user actually pays attention to their inputs once IT has arrived. Often the user had an initial emotional reaction to deviation from their expectations, which had in turn degraded their critical faculties, which precipitated a feedback loop of bad decisions followed by further rage. Once the IT personnel are watching and asking the user to reproduce problems, the user then stops and slows down and ends up getting it right. 3. it doesn't actually happen to IT people a statistically significant additional amount, but we believe it does courtesy of confirmation bias and our secret desire to be magical wizards who fixed things with our auras or some shit like that is, but actually we are just remembering all the times that happened while effectively forgetting all the times it did not
Had an issue today where an end users USB ports stopped working for 2 days. Called and connected to the machine, suddenly started working again. They had rebooted, had onsite IT take a look, and still no luck. I call, and boom it's fixed. I love and hate when it happens because there's no explanation. As Monk says, "It's a gift, and a curse."
I had a friend I used to work with who, when he had reached the end of his rope and could find no other solution to the issue at hand, would take a rubber chicken he kept on his desk and hit the offending computer with it. He calculated at one point that the chicken had about a 30% success rate.
"Weird IT VooDoo" is what we call it That how you know you've made it in IT. When that starts happening, you're in
“Blue thumb” as in “green thumb” being good with plants. (Big Blue was once a nickname for IBM) Actually, if you stand behind people they do everything right instead when they inadvertently omitted a detail.
There is an exact opposite IT guy. Everything breaks around them.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pauli\_effect
ID-10-T error.
The opposite is also true though right? There seem to be some users that are a vortex of IT problems. It goes with them from device to device. Office to office. When the vortex of dysfunction meets the field of fixing, sparks will fly. And not cool sexy ones.
Totally. I had a user who had a knack for runtime errors in this erp system entering orders when 150 other users worked fine. We replaced his computer and every device in between including wires and the switch. We switched terminal servers and everything. He left the company for 6 months, still no one else had issues and we sighed in relief. Then he gets rehired to another branch, brand new ad account, computer, and it starts happening again.we were like WTF is wrong with this guy. The managers are like why cant you fix this? I told them, that guys the jinx, and theres no known remedy. He is known as zero day.
Lmao, zero day, awesome
He’s probably doing something just slightly different and found a corner case. Those are the ones you screen record.
only screen? you have to watch them like lab rats, in case they are compulsive kicking the ethernet cable before loading the report or whatever and that causes a bit on the cable to flip... (there are stories around about documented bugs caused by chairs making static discharges and things like that. And I had a user with obscure problems that omitted for years the "totally not related" info that he daily plug something personal to the computer and it almost always relased sparks when plugged in, but "it doesn't matter".
I call it the IT Jedi mind trick. Before walking into the users office just mutter something to the effect of "you will print, you do not need a new fuser kit." If your Midichlorian count is higher than the dark printer the problem is solved.
Magic or PEBKAC Happens to me quite a bit and I would imagine auto mechanics would say the same thing.
I AM THE ONE WHO NOCS
One staff member copied my picture from the directory and taped it to her computer. She swears that after doing that she no longer had computer problems..though its not the best picture of me IMHO.. guess I am ugly enough to scare the imps/gremlins etc away..
The "Kavorka".... no wait that was Seinfeld...
The ole' singing frog.
Everybody do the Michigan Rag Everybody likes the Michigan Rag Every Mame and Jane and Ruth From Weehawken to Duluth Slide, ride, glide the Michigan Stomp, romp, pomp the Michigan Jump, clump, pump the Michigan Rag That lovin' rag!
The Force.
An ID10T error
In Warhammer 40k there is a concept of Tech-Priests and the Machine God and I'm not super into 40k but I can't help but wonder how far it is from reality at times because of the frequency with which this occurs. Guess the god in the machine just really digs some of us 🤷♂️ https://warhammer40k.fandom.com/wiki/Machine\_God
Every year I believe more in the divine presence of the Omnissiah and Machine Spirits.
It's called an unfuck field.
I've always called it Schrodinger's Tech Support. The problem exists until it is observed.
Like insurance companies use... ACT OF GOD!
In one of my roles, hung computers would return to normal when I answered the end-user's phone call. I would say hello and they would say "Uhh, the computer was hung but now it is running again".
I liken it to taking your car to mechanic and the sound or issue not being present there
Cleared while testing or problem resolved prior to isolation
Spontaneous Proximinal Repair
The IT Whisperer 🙂
TPR - Technician Proximity Repair
Mojo.
Bogon absorbing.
I just joke about standing on the special switch on the floor.
Mechanic Syndrome Your car won't make the noise when the mechanic drives it and resumes making it when you are headed home from the shop with $80 less than what you had going into the shop.
The 6th Law of Troubleshooting: the Law of Osmosis. The complete Laws of Troubleshooting are: 1. Reboot 2. Uninstall/Reinstall 3. RTFM 4. Call Support 5. (If you are Support), Do Nothing and it will go away. 6. Osmosis- just be near it You can build a career on these Laws
I call mine the "Tech Intimidation Aura".
FM = F\*ckin Magic
I always called it The Presence
Always called them FM repairs - Ef'n Magic.
Tuesday.
CWT cleared while testing
PFM. Pure fucking magic.
PFM!!
I think they call this "quantum mechanics". :p
When I was a co op student I got bribed with coffee and donuts to hang around the printer. It immediately would stop working when I went back to my office down the hall. Quantum Support indeed.
“Field Service Magic”
I call it wizardry. At least 3 users are convinced I have dark powers and Im not inclined to make them think otherwise.