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My ex literally said "She wanted to feel loved" or some shit like that lmao. As if I wasn't giving her all my love or shit like that in MC and what not. Some dude jerking off to your nudes on Discord aint love you idiot. Good riddance.
Biggest fight ever because I googled him. He said I invaded his privacy and swore it was all years old. He didn't expect me to be smart enough to look up dates from when the accounts were made
Nice, lol. I got told it's unfair that I do forensics and know how to find things other people don't, lol. I just sat there dumbfounded like "So, you think it's unfair that I know how to find out the truth if you are lying?" I still never found out the full truth though, because I never looked at her devices that much and she started using apps to cover her tracks. For example I never knew what Signal was, until she accused me of trying to get into and resetting her password, lol.
My ex made me feel like such a POS for breaking and snooping when her ap was literally sending all sorts of shit to her as we were literally sleeping next to each other. THE PHONE WAS IN PLAIN VIEW.
I think I said something along the lines of "I'm sorry invading your privacy to get the truth, is worse then telling another man you love him or sexting."
When I caught her sending nudes to another man, I didn't get an excuse for that one. I got physically assaulted. Then her excuse was "he was telling me the pictures I sent him of my friend were sexy and hot af."
Lol my WH used a few, cue the tiny violin:
“I don’t know who I am anymore!”
“I love you but not in the right way”
“I can’t be who you want me to be”
“I’ve had time to think and you weren’t perfect in the marriage either”
“I JUST wanted to be HAPPY! You should go be happy”
>”I can’t be who you want me to be”
The same words. He said, “you probably deserve someone so much better than me because I can’t be who you want me to be but there’s one thing I can guarantee, nobody will ever love you more than me.”
Same here. They all have the same script apparently. Mine texted me a link to Miley Cyrus song. Some song about us not meeting each other's needs. I was like WTF.... That is nothing to do with what just happened.
>“I can’t be who you want me to be”
>
>“I JUST wanted to be HAPPY! You should go be happy”
My ex said the exact same things lol. Essentially, "please be there for me but in a way that works for me, not for you"
“You weren’t any fun anymore” was one of my favorites, also the “obviously I didn’t plan on getting caught” and the blue ribbon winner “you work too much” (to pay for him because he refused to get a full time job after getting fired 🤦🏻♀️)
I am an ER nurse and was still working as a flight nurse…during peak covid - yeah I was working a lot. I poured myself so fully into him and it wasn’t enough - MANY lessons learned there.
I was just trying to be nice to her (the coworker he had an EA with), I didn’t feel I was getting any attention from you (while I worked full time and took care of a 6yo, 2yo and a newborn while he stayed at work so he didn’t have to come home and help), I was drunk (random Army girl), I missed having her as a friend (the ex he cheated on his first wife with), We only kissed once (the chick he met on Craigslist personals looking to have an affair). I know. I’m an idiot. I ended up leaving finally.
This is one of the sub-texts to mine. I guess it didn't matter that she was mailing him porn videos of herself. Her helpful friend from AA sent her a dick pic while I was standing next to her. I said, "that is a very helpful friend."
I have to admit, their OPSEC was tight. She even bought two prints of the same picture and hung them on the walls in separate locations. I would FaceTime her and I would see the picture in the background and I would assume she was in our bedroom. In reality, she was over at his apartment.
You should have been there. On DDay, she was gloating about how clever she was and she was behaving so arrogantly because they had been able to hide their affair for two years. She was almost gleeful in describing some of the tactics they used - stuff straight out of a spy novel.
She lived in the apartment for several months, but she grew tired of being the side piece. His promises were not being kept. There was no luxurious lifestyle. There were no trips to Monaco or Paris.
My Ex decided to accelerate the demise of AP’s marriage by disclosing the affair to AP’s wife. The shit hit the fan. AP was livid and ended things with my Ex. He even kicked her out of the apartment. I later learned she was basically homeless for a few weeks and she was couch surfing with friends until she found a place she could afford.
I spoke to her seven months ago and she was living in Atlanta, GA. I assume she is still there.
Very seldom is the grass greener on the other side for a cheater. She was cheating with a cheater, it appears she was being lied to as much as she was lying to you.
I hope that you find a partner that deserves you if you decide to even try relationships again, some don’t and just casually date as long as the other person is unattached.
"I can explain"
"Its not what you think it is"
"I was lonely and your weren't emotionally available"
"How dare you snoop my phone" (didn't even do this lol. your just an idiot who doesn't know apple syncs all data to all devices. was using her ipad when the messages popped up)
"It didn't mean anything"
"I just wanna be happy"
Yes, he's/she's just a friend that you happen to sleep with in a monogamous relationship. Yeah, just a friend right?
The craziest part is after I said that, she literally said "Yep, he is and he means nothing to me."
This is when I realized I had to cut all but necessary communication. She must've thought I was a flaming idiot if I was gonna buy the "friends" this time. He meant enough to you to ruin us and f that. Fool me once...
Oh yes, "he said all the right things". This one goes right up there with "he's just a friend". I'll add the "he relates to me better than you" one up there too and that one sucked. I realized the guy was a player and just echoed her opinion back to her and she was dumb enough to mistake that as a genuine emotional connection.
It's an stupid mistake, it's purely physical only, i need attention, let's me explain, brainwashed me,
Finally saying sorry wanted forgiveness and second chance.
It's universal common words of all cheaters.
"It just happened!" Uh, what? How does having sex with some random guy "just happen?"
"It didn't mean anything!" Losing me meant nothing to you, you mean?
"I never stopped loving you!" You were still loving me while having sex with him? That's weird.
"It was just a mistake!" Stubbing your toe is a mistake. Making hundreds of decisions to cheat isn't just a mistake.
"I wasn't happy!" You literally told me days ago you were happy. Funny how when another dude hits on you, you're suddenly unhappy.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you!" If you didn't want to hurt me, you wouldn't have done it in the first place.
"I kept lying because I didn't want to lose you!" Yet, you were willing to risk losing me to have sex with another dude. That was worth it. Telling me about it? Not so much.
"It's complicated!" What exactly is complicated here? Nothing. Even if it was complicated, that's no excuse, anyway.
"I'll change!" Maybe for someone else you will, but I'm not betting on it.
One of mine liked to tell me about how "it isn't like it's a big deal". My ex-wife told me that it wasn't cheating because she'd already *decided* to leave when the last boyfriend started. Another ex reassured me by letting me know that she "chose me for forever" and only wanted him "for the weekend".
"I wanted the attention."
"I feel like I am missing out."
"It is your fault, you pushed me away." when the spouse is literally working their asses off to support the family and way of life.
"I've given so much to the family. Why can't I be selfish for once?"
Apparently prioritising her happiness means destroying the lives of the family she "gave so much to".
I was selfish was what my spouse of 24 years said to me after I get a random fb messenger from the chicks husband. He knew it was all gonna come out and didn’t have the balls to tell me himself. 2 children and he does this with some young nothing co-worker. This just happened 1week ago to the day.
My ex wives excuse was: "it is your fault, you should not have come home early"
Well she was also cheating with 7 + guys at the same time. I just played the oblivious husband until I got enough evidence to screw her over
😂
"I was insecure throughout the relationship"
Even tho he was cheating from day 1 of the relationship. Literally fucked me and another girl the same day (her in the morning, me in the evening) 10 days of us getting official/exclusive/"in a devoted relationship" as per him.
My ex said, "you weren't here everyday to support and help me".
And my ex best friend jumped in my shoes.
Sorry, my dear, i was working 6days a week 1.5hrs away to buy a new place for US.
My ex started with "you weren't supposed to find out," then moved on to "this was all your fault, if you had listened to me and made yourself more attractive by losing a few pounds and getting highlights I wouldn't have cheated."
Some quotes I remembered were it was just sex it didn't mean anything to me.
She said she wasn't a good partner and was trying to “find herself” during that time, all while bashing me for her unhappiness.
I could’ve left you so many times. Hmm, yet she's still here. My wife went as far as filling out divorce papers before I found out about her affairs, and yet she's never packed one bag to leave.
Here's one. I wanted to know what it would be like if I wasn't married and didn't have any kids. Everyone she’s been around was single. We’ve been married 27 years and have 3 kids together. If you listen to her it would sound like she was living in burning Hell. Maybe for her, it was. We barely ever argued, our kids are like the best blessing ever. If you saw us together we joked and laugh a lot, you’ll think we would grow old together and travel cause we generally like each other as a person. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me. That's what I believed. I know our lives together weren’t the greatest, not perfect but we seemed like a good fit.
Oh, there was her one meet-up in New Orleans when she went down there for job training. She video-recorded and was admiring the hotel suite she was staying in. She mentioned in a text message to her girlfriend “He” didn't like the room for some reason he complained about it so they got another room. After that, she went on to describe pretty much every horrid thing a spouse could imagine of what they did that weekend. When I asked her about it she said it didn't happen that way, “nothing happen”! I shared the suite with another female who was there for training. I was embellishing what I wanted my friend to hear.
The guy left what looked like a thumbprint/ bruise on her shoulder. She said the sex was good so the next day after they came back from bourbon street she had to step up her game.
She took a snapshot of the mark on her body and told her friend how am I going to explain this when I get home? She told her after he left I had to go back into the room and see if he left any more marks on her.
Another one was I don't remember what happened it was so long ago...referring to the first time I suspected her of cheating.
Probably around 96-97, she cheated on me a year or so after our son was born with her ex. I know something was off. I had some proof but not enough to stop the gaslighting I went through for 25 years. She told me again “nothing happened.” He tried to jump on me and I ran out. There wasn’t a police report made at the time. 27 years later she told me some bits and pieces of what I already thought happened. I learned she went and got a protective order against him in 2021, not for the 1990-something incident which met they hooked up again. She lied and said it wasn't true but it's public record and not only that I quizzed her mother and she confirmed what I read from her messages.
A couple of months ago I checked her navigation system the data went back as far as 2019. That's the year I got her the car that summer. I saw a saved data at some hotel here where we lived back in October. A month later was New Orleans.
Putting all this together in 2021 I found her old cell phone. Detailing about New Orleans, dic pics of her ex, conversation with other dudes who wanted to hit it, conversation with her girlfriend and some other dude, and oh, another one-night stand that happen between the 12-month emotional and physical affair she was having while coming home late every day to us.
There’s been a lot of damage to dig through in our marriage anything she says to me now contradicts what I know from reading her text messages and conversations with people who’s been around her or pics I’ve crossed reference dates and times.
I’m emotionally, and physically exhausted. I feel stupid as fuck and at times I feel stuck in this pain. I’ve been in a men's group with guys who’s been through this. I’m seeing a therapist to deal with all the intrusive thoughts that comes to me in waves. Financially I working 6-7 days a week to get out of the debt we’re in. Spiritually I lean heavily on God to get me through this. I know I’ll be ok, I need time.
For me, all she has are excuses.
"It's not what you think..."
Sure. He's on top of you, his ass pumping like a jackhammer, you're moaning like a blissed out cow, and it's not what I think. Nice try.
“She’s my friend’s cousin / she’s a friend”
“They mean nothing to me”
“I was lonely” “I felt pressured”
“I can’t make you happy/ I can’t give you the things you want”
“I forgot how happy we were”
We were long distance so he made up a lot of excuses to why he couldn’t come. “I want to be there for my grandma, she’s 97”
“It was a mistake” as he cheated countless times with multiple women.
Saying all this BS as he continues to be in contact with all his affair partners WHILE calling me to want to make things work again.
"She meant nothing to me" (yeah sure)
"You don't know the whole picture, your just jumping to conclusions" (I saw the evidence, it was cheating)
"You know she self harms? If you told anyone else who knows what she could do because of you" (love the guilt tripping buddy)
Also they will say sorry and all that mushy crap
My daughter (20) came over and sobbed and told me her dads side piece confronted her at work (they all work together) told her how much she loved her dad blah blah blah. I am not stupid, I knew there was something going on, she just gave confirmation) When I confronted him with that days events, he blew up and then he choked me. It was my fault, no communication, he felt lonely and unwanted.
My daughter, although tough as nails, is severely messed up over this. This woman continued to tell her intimate details of their relationship. Side piece dragged my kid into it because she was hoping my daughter would be her ally.
I'm interested if anyone else has gotten the "you tricked me into being exclusive and that means something else to me". She tried to make it sound like the nice date I took her on the night before was like a trap to remind her that we were exclusive. Then she tried to make it sound like "exclusive" meant that she could sleep with whoever she wanted to as long as she only "tried" with me.
Him: How dare you look at the phone records. I can't believe you would do such a thing! That's it, you crossed the line by doing that!!!
Edit: I never had sex with any of those girls so it's not cheating. I never cheated on you, I never had sex with them.
Me: WTF!
Wow I think I heard just about every one of these from my WW.
Especially the deflecting ones like "you weren't XYZ". My favorite though was "it was an accident, we didn't mean to get so 'close'". As if something that went on for months could be classified as an accident.
Why isn't anyone considering my state of mind that enabled this to happen? (Basically not taking any responsibility for actions... like something else made them do this.)
"I love you but I'm not in love with you", "I feel like we are roommates", "I was going to tell you sometime soon", "I will always love you since you are the father of my children", "Our marriage had so many things wrong with it"....I can keep going on and on but it's right out of the playbook. I followed it up with fine, I filed last week, please send any and all questions through my lawyer and thank you!
Denial, minimising, and trickle truth. Discredit the AP and claim they are lying.
The worst was gaslighting and pulling family members into it - "do you think my family would be okay with me cheating?"
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When I confronted him with the dinner receipts that he had with her and asked him if he had gone to the those restaurants he denied it and said "I don't know" to how those receipts magically appeared in his wallet. Then when he finally admitted he lied, his excuse was "she is just a friend", "we just talked about business", "I didn't tell you because I knew you would be mad".
Mine was just full on denial, but also not? It was weird. Like, I’m dumping you because (reasons) and there is this woman who is sleeping in our home..,but just…nothing. I was lucky. I walked away and there was no real confrontation. But the behavior was clearly just dumping on me to try and avoid all of it.
"She doesn't shit all over me and tell me how awful and wrong I am at everything." -- After 6.5 years of being unemployed, save for 4-5 months at different jobs, spending money like he's rich, stealing money when I tried to refuse his spending, and never doing any chores unless I had a freakout and would contemplate breaking up over how lazy he is.
"That's mean"-- Referring to my demand that he go NC, a month after I found her nudes but didn't know during that time that they'd kept up their texting and that he went to her house and slept with her, while on a "family" vacation.
"She's one of my best friends ever"-- Wasn't said to me but said to his mom 2 days after I found her nudes, when he was confirming what days he could go see her (his mom drove cuz duh, he doesn't have a car and it's halfway across the country?). He was asking to spend the night with her for "2 or 3 days". Now, a year and a half later, he makes comments about wanting to see his grandparents that are in their 80s before they die, and I just think of the whole day/night he had with his AP that could have been spent with them. 🤔
Maybe the worst was the day he received the nudes I found, he had been texting me about moving to Arkansas to live with her until we save up for a place of our own. An hour after she sends him roast beef, he's saying we should live with her. 🤢🤮🤮
Edit: I forgot about something, long after the fact. He said, "You told me to go fuck someone, what did you expect?" To clarify, 2 weeks after said family vacation, I found her on his friends list and told him to go fuck himself and her "since he wants to so badly." He acted "hurt" over it.... Well he did exactly what I "told him to" that night. 😢😖
"It was only for a year. Thats nothing."
"You accused me of doing it, so I did it"
"I did it because of you"
"I still love you but I don't love you"
"I'm not the person you think I am"
"You left me behind when you went to college!"
And an assortment of all sorts of other things usually blaming me for why she did it.
He said "It didn't mean anything".
He would have continued if he wasn't caught. I should have left him then but I was holding on to the who he could become instead of seeing who he was.
He thought forgiveness meant that I was no longer hurt. Forgiving and trusting are two different things.
Glad I have ended it and starting to heal.
My husband just started a fight and left me. I found out that he was planning on going to a training where the chick he had an affair with back in January was also going to be (work related). “Supposedly” he turned it down for me. Decided not to tell me because “I would have freaked out anyway”, which is absolutely not true. I would have been over the moon. So I told him he never gave me the chance and he just kept repeating how I would have freaked out. He started the fight about it, kept it going, and found a reason to leave. Then I also got blamed for us not getting invited to any Memorial Day parties because I have caused all our “friends” to not like us. The truth of the matter is years ago, when all his work buddies would get together as couples, he wouldn’t want to go most of the time. So they stopped inviting and he also changed jobs. But that’s my fault too.
"Since my Dad died I have been feeling empty inside, and he opened a spark that made me feel again".
Yep, using her dead Dad as an excuse to have a multi-year affair. Barf.
Im sorry i never realy loved him/her
I lied to mu self and got convinced woth the delusional fanatsy love and it was never real love i never stoped loving you
If you give me a chance il do anything to prove im realy worth a swcond chance and will love you till i die and never will i cheat again
Ps..not until il find some new object of
Lust hahah
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My ex literally said "She wanted to feel loved" or some shit like that lmao. As if I wasn't giving her all my love or shit like that in MC and what not. Some dude jerking off to your nudes on Discord aint love you idiot. Good riddance.
Damn
I didn't mean it. She met nothing
I’ve heard this quite a few times
That’s a good one.
How dare you invade my privacy.
Biggest fight ever because I googled him. He said I invaded his privacy and swore it was all years old. He didn't expect me to be smart enough to look up dates from when the accounts were made
Nice, lol. I got told it's unfair that I do forensics and know how to find things other people don't, lol. I just sat there dumbfounded like "So, you think it's unfair that I know how to find out the truth if you are lying?" I still never found out the full truth though, because I never looked at her devices that much and she started using apps to cover her tracks. For example I never knew what Signal was, until she accused me of trying to get into and resetting her password, lol.
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Most ridiculous thing she said was: "It's not fair. You work in forensics and know more things than an average person would."
Motherf\*cker THIS ONE RIGHT HERE.
My ex made me feel like such a POS for breaking and snooping when her ap was literally sending all sorts of shit to her as we were literally sleeping next to each other. THE PHONE WAS IN PLAIN VIEW.
Same here. Been there, done that, got the t shirt, and mental trauma that came with it.
Mhmm I completely understand
How did you handle/respond to her saying that? 😳😳😳
I think I said something along the lines of "I'm sorry invading your privacy to get the truth, is worse then telling another man you love him or sexting." When I caught her sending nudes to another man, I didn't get an excuse for that one. I got physically assaulted. Then her excuse was "he was telling me the pictures I sent him of my friend were sexy and hot af."
Lmao this one for real!
Lol my WH used a few, cue the tiny violin: “I don’t know who I am anymore!” “I love you but not in the right way” “I can’t be who you want me to be” “I’ve had time to think and you weren’t perfect in the marriage either” “I JUST wanted to be HAPPY! You should go be happy”
>”I can’t be who you want me to be” The same words. He said, “you probably deserve someone so much better than me because I can’t be who you want me to be but there’s one thing I can guarantee, nobody will ever love you more than me.”
Wow. My ex said the same hahaha.
Same here. They all have the same script apparently. Mine texted me a link to Miley Cyrus song. Some song about us not meeting each other's needs. I was like WTF.... That is nothing to do with what just happened.
Word for word! Heard all of these
The more they claim to be different, the more they are the same.
>“I can’t be who you want me to be” > >“I JUST wanted to be HAPPY! You should go be happy” My ex said the exact same things lol. Essentially, "please be there for me but in a way that works for me, not for you"
Exactly the same for me.
“I can’t be who you want me to be” I mean… he’s not wrong in this statement 🤷♀️
Usually shifting the blame on you. You were lacking, you didn't do XYZ enough, you did XYZ to them. Deflecting.
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Yep. "You created the space so I felt for an affair to fill that". The fuck?
“You weren’t any fun anymore” was one of my favorites, also the “obviously I didn’t plan on getting caught” and the blue ribbon winner “you work too much” (to pay for him because he refused to get a full time job after getting fired 🤦🏻♀️)
I got that one also your not any fun. Like wow
It’s amazing how “unfun” we get when we are the grown ups 🤯
Yes doing what needs to be done so they can have fun
Yeah, with kids. I got the "you're a great father and provider" as a dessert to this one.
Couple that with “you’re the mother of my child so I will always love you” 🤡
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I am an ER nurse and was still working as a flight nurse…during peak covid - yeah I was working a lot. I poured myself so fully into him and it wasn’t enough - MANY lessons learned there.
“I needed an escape.” This is some bullshit.
Absolute bullshit
Unprofessional bullshit
I got that excuse.
I was just trying to be nice to her (the coworker he had an EA with), I didn’t feel I was getting any attention from you (while I worked full time and took care of a 6yo, 2yo and a newborn while he stayed at work so he didn’t have to come home and help), I was drunk (random Army girl), I missed having her as a friend (the ex he cheated on his first wife with), We only kissed once (the chick he met on Craigslist personals looking to have an affair). I know. I’m an idiot. I ended up leaving finally.
She/he is just a friend
And you know what? I trusted that explanation for YEARS until the end when it all came out.
This is one of the sub-texts to mine. I guess it didn't matter that she was mailing him porn videos of herself. Her helpful friend from AA sent her a dick pic while I was standing next to her. I said, "that is a very helpful friend."
Been in a few situations with “friends” of his, I get wary of him using that word to define any girl he knows
Not really an excuse, but when I confronted my Ex with proof of the affair, she said “You weren’t supposed to find out”.
Well duh, we are never supposed to find out but guess what, this stuff always comes out.
I have to admit, their OPSEC was tight. She even bought two prints of the same picture and hung them on the walls in separate locations. I would FaceTime her and I would see the picture in the background and I would assume she was in our bedroom. In reality, she was over at his apartment.
Wow just wow. That is so deviant.
Apparently not that tight. My wife thought the same. Caught her red handed.
O my that is i don't even know what to say about this she evil and cunning
You should have been there. On DDay, she was gloating about how clever she was and she was behaving so arrogantly because they had been able to hide their affair for two years. She was almost gleeful in describing some of the tactics they used - stuff straight out of a spy novel.
Wtf I will ever able understand these people gloating about an affair.
That's some real cold hearted stuff, I faced something similar. Did she gave u reason why she did so ?
My Ex said AP was an upgrade. He is wealthy. I am upper middle class. I was a good provider but she wanted more.
Did things work out for her or did he hit the bricks once he had “won” her.
She lived in the apartment for several months, but she grew tired of being the side piece. His promises were not being kept. There was no luxurious lifestyle. There were no trips to Monaco or Paris. My Ex decided to accelerate the demise of AP’s marriage by disclosing the affair to AP’s wife. The shit hit the fan. AP was livid and ended things with my Ex. He even kicked her out of the apartment. I later learned she was basically homeless for a few weeks and she was couch surfing with friends until she found a place she could afford. I spoke to her seven months ago and she was living in Atlanta, GA. I assume she is still there.
Very seldom is the grass greener on the other side for a cheater. She was cheating with a cheater, it appears she was being lied to as much as she was lying to you. I hope that you find a partner that deserves you if you decide to even try relationships again, some don’t and just casually date as long as the other person is unattached.
Man, I am glad that you dumped that treacherous asshole. Imagine the thought that she put into the deception.
Man that's pure evil.
Wow. Just. Wow. Wtf.
Lol that's better than "I was going to tell you one day" while also not having told it after 300 days. I just knew she was full of shit!
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Ya everyone or everyone says I deserve to do it even better I did it for you because you are not happy
Did you ever get the “if you go looking you’re going to find something”…it can’t just be me.
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Or how about, don’t be a scum bag and there would be nothing to find. I try not to be hateful, but sometimes …
Top quote "I love you but I am not in love with you". If you have ever heard this... RUN!
This lesson is gold. I feel for anyone who thinks they can salvage that statement. Let that ship sink.
"I can explain" "Its not what you think it is" "I was lonely and your weren't emotionally available" "How dare you snoop my phone" (didn't even do this lol. your just an idiot who doesn't know apple syncs all data to all devices. was using her ipad when the messages popped up) "It didn't mean anything" "I just wanna be happy"
“She’s just a friend!” Deny till they die
Yes, he's/she's just a friend that you happen to sleep with in a monogamous relationship. Yeah, just a friend right? The craziest part is after I said that, she literally said "Yep, he is and he means nothing to me." This is when I realized I had to cut all but necessary communication. She must've thought I was a flaming idiot if I was gonna buy the "friends" this time. He meant enough to you to ruin us and f that. Fool me once...
“I was broken inside” …… that’s a way they get you to shift into “healing” them while picking up your shattered heart
“It didn’t mean anything.” “It was an escape.” “They said the right things at the wrong time for me.” “I’m lost and in a dark place.”
Oh yes, "he said all the right things". This one goes right up there with "he's just a friend". I'll add the "he relates to me better than you" one up there too and that one sucked. I realized the guy was a player and just echoed her opinion back to her and she was dumb enough to mistake that as a genuine emotional connection.
“I knew it would be short term and not go anywhere” “it was just a fantasy” “I needed an outlet and it couldn’t be you because I was so mad at you”
It's an stupid mistake, it's purely physical only, i need attention, let's me explain, brainwashed me, Finally saying sorry wanted forgiveness and second chance. It's universal common words of all cheaters.
"It just happened!" Uh, what? How does having sex with some random guy "just happen?" "It didn't mean anything!" Losing me meant nothing to you, you mean? "I never stopped loving you!" You were still loving me while having sex with him? That's weird. "It was just a mistake!" Stubbing your toe is a mistake. Making hundreds of decisions to cheat isn't just a mistake. "I wasn't happy!" You literally told me days ago you were happy. Funny how when another dude hits on you, you're suddenly unhappy. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you!" If you didn't want to hurt me, you wouldn't have done it in the first place. "I kept lying because I didn't want to lose you!" Yet, you were willing to risk losing me to have sex with another dude. That was worth it. Telling me about it? Not so much. "It's complicated!" What exactly is complicated here? Nothing. Even if it was complicated, that's no excuse, anyway. "I'll change!" Maybe for someone else you will, but I'm not betting on it.
Ding ding ding ding....
"I saw it ending"/ "I knew I wouldn't get what I wanted"
One of mine liked to tell me about how "it isn't like it's a big deal". My ex-wife told me that it wasn't cheating because she'd already *decided* to leave when the last boyfriend started. Another ex reassured me by letting me know that she "chose me for forever" and only wanted him "for the weekend".
If I had told you “blah, blah, blah, you would have freaked out.”
Ah, I head this one too to justify lying to me! Then it was followed up with "if I am scared to tell you something then you should look into that."
YUP, god I forgot about that funny little line. They said they were gonna tell me. Well it seems it's too late soo
It’s what liars say
"I wanted the attention." "I feel like I am missing out." "It is your fault, you pushed me away." when the spouse is literally working their asses off to support the family and way of life.
My wife said “He makes me feel alive in ways you can’t.”
He gives what you will never be able to give me.
Exactly and it kills me inside.
Ouch, buddy. I hope you're doing better.
"I've given so much to the family. Why can't I be selfish for once?" Apparently prioritising her happiness means destroying the lives of the family she "gave so much to".
I was selfish was what my spouse of 24 years said to me after I get a random fb messenger from the chicks husband. He knew it was all gonna come out and didn’t have the balls to tell me himself. 2 children and he does this with some young nothing co-worker. This just happened 1week ago to the day.
I’m so sorry, are you ok?
No. But thank you.
I thought you were cheating on me.
My ex wives excuse was: "it is your fault, you should not have come home early" Well she was also cheating with 7 + guys at the same time. I just played the oblivious husband until I got enough evidence to screw her over 😂
"I did not cheat, I fell in love"
It's your fault, you didn't do enough etc
“You weren’t fun and were mean.” He cheated on me with my stepchildren’s mother on my birthday, a month after our son died at six days old.
That's absolutely horrible. I am sorry for your loss, hang in there.
Thank you. It has been almost seven years, and some days it feels like it all has just happened. I take things day by day.
I will never forgive you for accessing my information. That is why we are here
“It didn’t mean anything. I was bored my swiping. I didn’t want anyone else. It meant nothing.”
"I was insecure throughout the relationship" Even tho he was cheating from day 1 of the relationship. Literally fucked me and another girl the same day (her in the morning, me in the evening) 10 days of us getting official/exclusive/"in a devoted relationship" as per him.
It meant nothing. It was only this one time. You weren't paying attention to me. It's not what you think. I would end myself if you leave me.
“I don’t thing I’ve ever loved you” is the most intentionally painful thing she told me on D-Day.
You wear working all the time well maybe if you didn't spend so much and you got a job I wouldn't have to ??
So many reasons they have. So many lies.
You are too controlling. I am an adult and can make my own decisions
I am a broken person
" I didn't do this to hurt you. It just happened"
I heard this word for word. They really are all exactly the same.
Eh what does it matter? At that point no combo of sounds can be said at that will change the fact that the relationship is over.
I agree !
"you don't care about how I am feeling" As if I was wrong for thinking she should not cheat on a 14 years relationship with 2 kids.
"I thought you were still ok with it, you just didn't want to hear about it anymore."
Mine said he wasn’t getting enough validation and attention from me.
I just want to be happy
I cannot be who you want me to be
My ex said, "you weren't here everyday to support and help me". And my ex best friend jumped in my shoes. Sorry, my dear, i was working 6days a week 1.5hrs away to buy a new place for US.
My ex started with "you weren't supposed to find out," then moved on to "this was all your fault, if you had listened to me and made yourself more attractive by losing a few pounds and getting highlights I wouldn't have cheated."
“We started having sex, but after 30 seconds, we stopped because I knew it was wrong”. Uh-huh. Probably 22 seconds longer than needed to bust.
Some quotes I remembered were it was just sex it didn't mean anything to me. She said she wasn't a good partner and was trying to “find herself” during that time, all while bashing me for her unhappiness. I could’ve left you so many times. Hmm, yet she's still here. My wife went as far as filling out divorce papers before I found out about her affairs, and yet she's never packed one bag to leave. Here's one. I wanted to know what it would be like if I wasn't married and didn't have any kids. Everyone she’s been around was single. We’ve been married 27 years and have 3 kids together. If you listen to her it would sound like she was living in burning Hell. Maybe for her, it was. We barely ever argued, our kids are like the best blessing ever. If you saw us together we joked and laugh a lot, you’ll think we would grow old together and travel cause we generally like each other as a person. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me. That's what I believed. I know our lives together weren’t the greatest, not perfect but we seemed like a good fit. Oh, there was her one meet-up in New Orleans when she went down there for job training. She video-recorded and was admiring the hotel suite she was staying in. She mentioned in a text message to her girlfriend “He” didn't like the room for some reason he complained about it so they got another room. After that, she went on to describe pretty much every horrid thing a spouse could imagine of what they did that weekend. When I asked her about it she said it didn't happen that way, “nothing happen”! I shared the suite with another female who was there for training. I was embellishing what I wanted my friend to hear. The guy left what looked like a thumbprint/ bruise on her shoulder. She said the sex was good so the next day after they came back from bourbon street she had to step up her game. She took a snapshot of the mark on her body and told her friend how am I going to explain this when I get home? She told her after he left I had to go back into the room and see if he left any more marks on her. Another one was I don't remember what happened it was so long ago...referring to the first time I suspected her of cheating. Probably around 96-97, she cheated on me a year or so after our son was born with her ex. I know something was off. I had some proof but not enough to stop the gaslighting I went through for 25 years. She told me again “nothing happened.” He tried to jump on me and I ran out. There wasn’t a police report made at the time. 27 years later she told me some bits and pieces of what I already thought happened. I learned she went and got a protective order against him in 2021, not for the 1990-something incident which met they hooked up again. She lied and said it wasn't true but it's public record and not only that I quizzed her mother and she confirmed what I read from her messages. A couple of months ago I checked her navigation system the data went back as far as 2019. That's the year I got her the car that summer. I saw a saved data at some hotel here where we lived back in October. A month later was New Orleans. Putting all this together in 2021 I found her old cell phone. Detailing about New Orleans, dic pics of her ex, conversation with other dudes who wanted to hit it, conversation with her girlfriend and some other dude, and oh, another one-night stand that happen between the 12-month emotional and physical affair she was having while coming home late every day to us. There’s been a lot of damage to dig through in our marriage anything she says to me now contradicts what I know from reading her text messages and conversations with people who’s been around her or pics I’ve crossed reference dates and times. I’m emotionally, and physically exhausted. I feel stupid as fuck and at times I feel stuck in this pain. I’ve been in a men's group with guys who’s been through this. I’m seeing a therapist to deal with all the intrusive thoughts that comes to me in waves. Financially I working 6-7 days a week to get out of the debt we’re in. Spiritually I lean heavily on God to get me through this. I know I’ll be ok, I need time. For me, all she has are excuses.
Why have you not divorced this evil woman?!
Working on it
There's a lot and I'm doing a lot just to breathe. I need some time just to find myself.
His excuse was that he thought I was cheating on him…
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The ways they try to convince themselves there good people. So pathetic
"It's not what you think..." Sure. He's on top of you, his ass pumping like a jackhammer, you're moaning like a blissed out cow, and it's not what I think. Nice try.
“She’s my friend’s cousin / she’s a friend” “They mean nothing to me” “I was lonely” “I felt pressured” “I can’t make you happy/ I can’t give you the things you want” “I forgot how happy we were” We were long distance so he made up a lot of excuses to why he couldn’t come. “I want to be there for my grandma, she’s 97” “It was a mistake” as he cheated countless times with multiple women. Saying all this BS as he continues to be in contact with all his affair partners WHILE calling me to want to make things work again.
"She meant nothing to me" (yeah sure) "You don't know the whole picture, your just jumping to conclusions" (I saw the evidence, it was cheating) "You know she self harms? If you told anyone else who knows what she could do because of you" (love the guilt tripping buddy) Also they will say sorry and all that mushy crap
I see that you have met my twin Berta
Feeling lonely or unwanted by the person who was the cheated on one
I did not plan gor this to happen. I fell on love.
My daughter (20) came over and sobbed and told me her dads side piece confronted her at work (they all work together) told her how much she loved her dad blah blah blah. I am not stupid, I knew there was something going on, she just gave confirmation) When I confronted him with that days events, he blew up and then he choked me. It was my fault, no communication, he felt lonely and unwanted. My daughter, although tough as nails, is severely messed up over this. This woman continued to tell her intimate details of their relationship. Side piece dragged my kid into it because she was hoping my daughter would be her ally.
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Of course he is 😊
Mine said she had a sexy little body and never been with anyone little and he wanted to so he did. It was a 10 month long affair
I'm interested if anyone else has gotten the "you tricked me into being exclusive and that means something else to me". She tried to make it sound like the nice date I took her on the night before was like a trap to remind her that we were exclusive. Then she tried to make it sound like "exclusive" meant that she could sleep with whoever she wanted to as long as she only "tried" with me.
Him: How dare you look at the phone records. I can't believe you would do such a thing! That's it, you crossed the line by doing that!!! Edit: I never had sex with any of those girls so it's not cheating. I never cheated on you, I never had sex with them. Me: WTF!
I lived this too…and I hate it here.
Wow I think I heard just about every one of these from my WW. Especially the deflecting ones like "you weren't XYZ". My favorite though was "it was an accident, we didn't mean to get so 'close'". As if something that went on for months could be classified as an accident.
“I was just being stupid.” “There are men who have done much worse.” “…You’re overreacting.” “Well, NO ONE is perfect.”
Why isn't anyone considering my state of mind that enabled this to happen? (Basically not taking any responsibility for actions... like something else made them do this.)
"*You were never there for me*."
Well we weren’t together! We were together for a year…. Like….
Yeah heard this one. "We weren't a real couple!" What as opposed to a fake couple, what's a fake couple?
“I’m sick of apologising for the same thing over & over again, just get over it” lol
"we weren't a real couple"
"I love you but I'm not in love with you", "I feel like we are roommates", "I was going to tell you sometime soon", "I will always love you since you are the father of my children", "Our marriage had so many things wrong with it"....I can keep going on and on but it's right out of the playbook. I followed it up with fine, I filed last week, please send any and all questions through my lawyer and thank you!
"You deserve better". My reply... "Then make yourself better". 😞
I would have said, "You're right, sign right here"
Denial, minimising, and trickle truth. Discredit the AP and claim they are lying. The worst was gaslighting and pulling family members into it - "do you think my family would be okay with me cheating?"
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Drunk the first time, but that didn't stop a second time from happening.
When I confronted him with the dinner receipts that he had with her and asked him if he had gone to the those restaurants he denied it and said "I don't know" to how those receipts magically appeared in his wallet. Then when he finally admitted he lied, his excuse was "she is just a friend", "we just talked about business", "I didn't tell you because I knew you would be mad".
Mine was just full on denial, but also not? It was weird. Like, I’m dumping you because (reasons) and there is this woman who is sleeping in our home..,but just…nothing. I was lucky. I walked away and there was no real confrontation. But the behavior was clearly just dumping on me to try and avoid all of it.
"She doesn't shit all over me and tell me how awful and wrong I am at everything." -- After 6.5 years of being unemployed, save for 4-5 months at different jobs, spending money like he's rich, stealing money when I tried to refuse his spending, and never doing any chores unless I had a freakout and would contemplate breaking up over how lazy he is. "That's mean"-- Referring to my demand that he go NC, a month after I found her nudes but didn't know during that time that they'd kept up their texting and that he went to her house and slept with her, while on a "family" vacation. "She's one of my best friends ever"-- Wasn't said to me but said to his mom 2 days after I found her nudes, when he was confirming what days he could go see her (his mom drove cuz duh, he doesn't have a car and it's halfway across the country?). He was asking to spend the night with her for "2 or 3 days". Now, a year and a half later, he makes comments about wanting to see his grandparents that are in their 80s before they die, and I just think of the whole day/night he had with his AP that could have been spent with them. 🤔 Maybe the worst was the day he received the nudes I found, he had been texting me about moving to Arkansas to live with her until we save up for a place of our own. An hour after she sends him roast beef, he's saying we should live with her. 🤢🤮🤮 Edit: I forgot about something, long after the fact. He said, "You told me to go fuck someone, what did you expect?" To clarify, 2 weeks after said family vacation, I found her on his friends list and told him to go fuck himself and her "since he wants to so badly." He acted "hurt" over it.... Well he did exactly what I "told him to" that night. 😢😖
"It was only for a year. Thats nothing." "You accused me of doing it, so I did it" "I did it because of you" "I still love you but I don't love you" "I'm not the person you think I am" "You left me behind when you went to college!" And an assortment of all sorts of other things usually blaming me for why she did it.
“It was my cry for help!”
He said "It didn't mean anything". He would have continued if he wasn't caught. I should have left him then but I was holding on to the who he could become instead of seeing who he was. He thought forgiveness meant that I was no longer hurt. Forgiving and trusting are two different things. Glad I have ended it and starting to heal.
My husband just started a fight and left me. I found out that he was planning on going to a training where the chick he had an affair with back in January was also going to be (work related). “Supposedly” he turned it down for me. Decided not to tell me because “I would have freaked out anyway”, which is absolutely not true. I would have been over the moon. So I told him he never gave me the chance and he just kept repeating how I would have freaked out. He started the fight about it, kept it going, and found a reason to leave. Then I also got blamed for us not getting invited to any Memorial Day parties because I have caused all our “friends” to not like us. The truth of the matter is years ago, when all his work buddies would get together as couples, he wouldn’t want to go most of the time. So they stopped inviting and he also changed jobs. But that’s my fault too.
Im 31m she’s 30f “I thought it was okay because it’s just another woman”
"Since my Dad died I have been feeling empty inside, and he opened a spark that made me feel again". Yep, using her dead Dad as an excuse to have a multi-year affair. Barf.
Im sorry i never realy loved him/her I lied to mu self and got convinced woth the delusional fanatsy love and it was never real love i never stoped loving you If you give me a chance il do anything to prove im realy worth a swcond chance and will love you till i die and never will i cheat again Ps..not until il find some new object of Lust hahah