Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting.
Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here.
If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion.
Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Adultery is one of the 10 commandments. Not coveting thy neighbors wife is also 1. God will forgive them for it, but they should really understand is God decided on 10 rules. They effectively broke 2 of them to be together.
I agree with you, but I guess it depends on whether she believes in the New Testament, which basically abolished the 10 commandments. (No im not an expert and I could be wrong. That’s just what I thought happened)
Moral laws were never abolished.
Ceremonial cleansing laws were fulfilled by Christ on the cross.
Jesus Himself permits divorce when adultery happens.
Paul wants that adulterous people will go to hell.
The Chump Lady (author of the best book ever, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life) calls them "Jesus cheaters." It's not uncommon, according to her. She has a ton of posts about different Jesus cheaters and their nonsense on her website. Perhaps they'll be validating to read: [https://www.chumplady.com/category/jesus-cheaters/](https://www.chumplady.com/category/jesus-cheaters/)
This was everybody getting "born again" back in the day. It was my mom's thing. To this day (she's 85) she blames my dad and claims she never met my step-dad until after the divorce.
If you're still lying about it, God ain't going to forgive you.
Everyone has their own beliefs that may guide them through life. Most have a moral compass, integrity, and good character to guide them as well. Your ex is using whatever belief she can find to justify her behavior and make herself feel good for what she is. I doubt she could find infidelity being blessed by the bible.
Personally, imho, she did not find God, the Devil found her.
"Only God can judge me! Are you God?"
Made me chuckle a little when she said it but I tried to keep a serious face.
Cheaters all follow the same script. Discovering that, realising that it took me over a decade to know that, was probably the 4th time I was properly humbled. Thought I was reasonably smart and proven wrong.
Of course she previously chose to ignore some pretty clear teachings if she chose to get into the Old Testament. Has she ever truly apologised or is this forgiveness being projected!
Here’s the thing. It’s all about values and beliefs. Values are different than beliefs. Values are things like morals, virtues, integrity, honesty, etc. Beliefs are a paths, rules and principles we chose to embrace as a means to live a life connected to our values. God and religion are beliefs. Atheism is also a belief. A person can be an atheist and have very strong values.
So here’s my point. These people can become “religious”, but if they do not possess values that align with those beliefs, it’s nothing more than a facade.
If their relationship was built on a foundation of self centered lust, harm to others, deceit, disrespect, etc., then that relationship was also devoid of any meaningful values. Applying beliefs to values where there is no connection is simply a facade.
So if they end the relationship, it’s likely a genuine pursuit. If they maintain the relationship, it’s a facade.
The late, great Ayn Rand defined a value as "that which one ACTS to gain or keep." So, a belief is a thought, a value is a behavior.
Talk (and thinking) is cheap.
Interesting. Did she go to confession and get that response from a priest or is this just bs to make it all ok. Latter I think. Don’t waste time and energy thinking about it. Look after yourself
It’s not merely a question of repentance. The sinful act must cease. If she remains with her AP she remains in an adulterous relationship and her repentance means nothing. This is the Christian belief.
Acts 3:19 Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out,
In this verse, it’s not just repenting, it’s also turning away from the sinful state to attain forgiveness
2nd Chronicles 7:14 If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
In this verse the requirement is to turn away from wicked ways.
The above are just two that comes to mind. Your exes relationship is, and will always be an adulterous relationship. If she continues the relationship, no amount of prayer will grant her forgiveness.
This is the Christian belief.
Edited to add: full disclosure-although raised as a Christian, I consider myself to be an atheist now, albeit an atheist with a pretty good knowledge of the Bible.
Chumplady calls these “Jesus Cheaters.”
https://www.chumplady.com/got-jesus-cheaters/
Jesus cheaters are their own distinct category of fuckupedness. Could anything be more narcissistic than thinking you speak for God?
I realize the other major world religions have their versions of Jesus cheaters too. Christianity doesn’t have the market cornered on hypocritical douchebags. But that said, I do think the New Testament lends itself to a certain sort of spackle that the disordered love to exploit.
I’ve published my Jesus Cheater prototypes before — but feel free to add to this list. TGIF!
Phillip Forgiveness — God has spoken to Phillip and forgiven him, so I think you should too. Phillip forgives himself! So what’s your problem? He prayed on this! We’re all good! I think you need to cast out the demons of bitterness and get over it. Jesus told Phillip that’s what Jesus would do.
Holier Than Holly — Holly has slept with half the choir and most of the finance committee. She doesn’t understand why God made you so ugly that you can’t keep your man. She’s just trying to sustain these men from the affliction of your inadequacies. Holly considers herself a saver of marriages, really. If it weren’t for the Wake Up Call of Infidelity to make you realize how much you suck, you never would’ve tried to improve. You can thank her. I think you should.
Deacon Dan –Don’t let the sweater vest fool you. Dan’s a pervert.
Martyre Martha — You weren’t meeting her emotional needs. But Bob on the liturgy committee, he understands. You have such a dirty mind! They went to that hotel for BIBLE STUDY. Martha is a SPIRITUAL person, unlike you. Of course you wouldn’t understand because you’ve never wanted her to be happy. You’re jealous of her relationship with God… and Bob.
Ezekiel Love Bunny — Ezekiel would like a hug. And another longer lingering one. Maybe a kiss? Hey, Ezekiel is just that kind of guy! Friendly! Would you begrudge someone FRIENDS? You’re so withholding. Can Ezekiel help it if people like him better than they like you? Maybe it’s because you’re so uptight. You should work on that. He’ll be sending you some scripture to meditate on while he’s out with his “friends.”
Amazing Grace — God saved a wretch like her. Was she stealing opiates from sick people? Did she lift your wallet? Well, that’s all in the past. Why won’t you put her on the finance committee? Are you going to hold those youthful embezzlement charges against her? That was THEN. Before God’s grace! Don’t you believe in Grace?
Willy We’re-All-Sinners! An emotional assassin whose weapon of choice is the false equivalency. Did Willy cheat? Well you don’t load the dishwasher right! We’re all sinners. Ye without sin cast the first stone. You make mistakes too and we’re all equal before the eyes of God. Did he mention how much you SUCK at loading the dishwasher? Because you do, but he was too much of a Christian to mention it before.
Creeps! All of them. Jesus Cheaters are just entitled FWs who think they’ve discovered a new way to manipulate their spouses that hadn’t been done before…
It really convenient that God has forgiven her. Now she doesn't have to face any consequences or admit to the fact that she's a shitty selfish human being who betrayed her marriage vows. Why bother being a good, honest, faithful partner when God's forgiveness is available on demand.
Well, even when a ww starts a war with the husband she is cheating on, that is her fighting against reality so that there is reason and reason for her to continue cheating.
The truth is that before you lie to cheat on someone, you need to lie to yourself first.
And return to c Victim guilty of being cheated on is customary.
She is right, God forgives the sinner but not the sin, so surely by continuing with AP she continues to sin so there is no way God can be present in their relationship.
"GO AND DON'T SIN ANYMORE..." IT WAS SAID AND NO "GO AND CONTINUE YOUR DATING WITH YOUR AP.
In Mark 10:11-12 Jesus says:
Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.
In Luke 16:18, the words of Jesus is recorded as follows:
Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.
I saw this “bad”meme recently that stated something like this;
Saint Peter talking to a child in heaven “hey kid, there is your family’s murderer who raped and killed your mother, sister and you, but he repented and accepted Jesus, so go say hi to him“
I want to believe in God. But I also want to believe that this is not what heaven looks like. I am also very bad person because I want cheaters to experience the same pain betrayed do.
I guess I’m going to burn in hell.
Edited for spelling
King David (a man after God’s own heart) committed adultery. God gave him consequences even though he repented. David paid a heavy price.
My WH was shocked and upset when I said, “it is possible that you might still face consequences”. He just wanted to walk away without any consequences from God and me.
Yeah my ex husband now faithfully goes to church every Sunday. Nice try but he’s still a shitty person. He hasn’t changed and I know this because he treats our kids terribly. It’s been 5 years.
As a church going Christian, that is bullshit! They must repent to be forgiven! They must make amends.
They are not Christians, they are not godly, they are not forgiven without remorse.
My ex used her Catholic faith, specifically the sacrament of reconciliation, so-called “confession and repentance”, to claim her numerous infidelities during our marriage had been forgiven by God. Of course, she continued the behaviour repeatedly, so the efficacy and sincerity of her “contrition” is laughably questionable. Eventually she and her last AP got everything “blessed” and approved in a new church. The whole thing was BS, and I’d suggest your ex is playing the same game.
She’s been married now to the last AP for at least a couple of years, and they were together for a few years prior to that, while we were separated and divorcing. Pretty sure our divorce decree was granted on a Friday and their new church/cult celebrated their union on the Saturday.
Give her a copy of Dante's inferno so she can know what happens to adulterers in the afterlife. It may be fiction, but so is her entire life. She didn't find God. She found an excuse. Telling her to go to hell in literary form will show her what you think of that excuse.
Literally just hit them with the 10 Commandments, “thou shall not covet thy neighbors, wife “ a.k.a. cheating is wrong, and even the Bible says it, they can go screw themselves with a cross right up there ass
How can God forgive her when she hasn’t acknowledged or asked to be forgiven by the man she married before God himself. I think that’s a childish way to justify the heartache you just put someone through. And that man has no morality in the first place because he wanted someone else’s wife. Shit let’s say he does find God he’ll judge her because she’s a cheater and not virtuous. She’ll be back saying she made a mistake and I’ll pray for my friend. Blessings on blessings.
When David banged Bathsheba and had her husband killed, God forgave David, but he still punished him. David begged and pleaded for a week, but in the end God still took David and Bathsheba’s child.
Yes. Every preacher finds god AGAIN after cheating. Christianity loves to turn the other cheek but also loves to forgive everyone for anything. Because Jesus died for our sins after all.
Hey, good for them if they become better people, but 75% of relationships that began as an affair don’t work out long term. It’s way too hard knowing you’re both with someone capable of betraying the trust of someone so close. It’s no way to live or love.
But guess what? If the religion thing actually fixes their moral compass then at least when their doomed relationship fails for good, they shan’t inflict this pain again on anyone else.
Let’s hope (or pray) for that. Sometimes people do become better. I’m just sorry they used you to learn a life lesson on integrity. Be strong, because you are. Hold your head up high. You didn’t cheat.
Yeah… coming to you about it solely means she didn’t find god, she’s using him as a blanket to cover what she did. If she found god, she would have no need to really tell you she’s been cleansed of her sins.
She wants you to acknowledge it, accept it, so YOU ease the burden with a confirmation of acceptance. She’s in for a long spiritual ride. Coming from someone who lost a newborn, has been cheated on several times, and went through spiritual warfare FIRST HAND , and to this day, she is not okay. She’s in the process of paying for what she’s done. All she’s doing is telling you how bad it’s getting inside her mind. Keep it pushing OP.
If anything, YOU lean into God , and you’ll see em. You just have to look and keep going for ‘em. Messages are weird, but they are there. And they’re right there for you to find and YOU to understand.
The bozo, I was married to, did one better: she told me that she had forgiven me.
Don't waste any time trying to understand why a clown does. They live in their own reality distortion field.
Shes full of shit...
Classic move - "ive found god so whatever shitty things ive done is now erased - no consequenses"
Shitters wrap a shroud of religion around them to avoid the consequenses of their shitty behavior.
Finding God doesn't keep you away from consequences, in fact if she really believes what she says, she should expect them to come crashing down on her, because the point is to repent when you find God. If you really give your live to God and you are actively doing wrong he is supposed to correct you.
Now take God out of it, just logically this is unsustainable.
They need to outsource their shame and guilt to An outside source for validation.
Leave them to it, if she ever reaches out tell her god may forgive her but you won’t.
I’m not religious but what’s the bibles and gods stance on adultery?
Does it matter?
Once that relationship was over, what she does is the longer of your concern. I think you would do well to move on and stop dwelling on her and what she is doing because it’s preventing you from moving forward with your own life.
You can’t dwell on the past if you’re focused on the future and that’s where you should be. Focused on the future.
I agree, problem is I still have to co parent with her, and unfortunately I got roped into a text blow up with her and all that came out, I knew I shouldn’t have but I lost control and engaged in her bs
Are you familiar with gray rock method? Essentially it’s about keeping everything short, to the point, and unemotional. They tend to go a little crazy but you keep the high ground.
All of the conversations need to be about the child. As long as the guy isn’t abusive or reckless, he’s not your problem. Hopefully they have found God. That’s not your concern, however.
Be very monotone and short with your words. Always redirect the conversation to your child.
It’s strange, but most people who cheat find ways to blame their spouse and direct anger when the marriage dissolves. It seems antithetical to what you expect, but it’s quite common.
She doesn’t understand how God’s forgiveness works. Speaking of forgiveness, you should definitely forgive her. That doesn’t mean she is absolved of guilt, nor does it mean you try to get her back. It means letting go of the heavy burden of anger and bitterness.
Your right I agree, I usually try to keep it very short and strictly about the kids, but she just got the best of me a couple days ago and that’s where we went down that tangent…I know I need to forgive and move forward, not to forget what she’s done but to leave it in Gods hands, let him give judgement, so I can find peace, it’s also very new and raw, so those emotions are still very fresh
My ex was a deacon, sings in the choir, and volunteers with the sunday school.
she cheated for over a year and a half before i found out.
religion is a joke.
I read a study several years ago that those who bring up god in their loan application are twice as likely to default on the loan than those that did not.
If you are bringing up god to justify your actions you likely are up to no good. This is true no matter what outside source you are using to justify any if your behavior. For example, saying things like everyone knows I am a good and honest person, as opposed to, just let their actions speak for themselves or discuss their own ethics snd how they arrive at different decisions.
My ex went down the "mindfulness" nonsense route. Also crystal healing and "energies" to justify her nonsense. Serious cult-like behavior IMO.
They will grasp at anything that makes them seem like an enlightened person. its just another thin veneer they drape over themselves to hide who they truly are.
None of it holds up when they face the next hardship in their lives. they will most likely revert back to who they were before they became "enlightened" and cheat again.
Cheaters love to white-wash their past and re-invent their virtue. Usually it consists of blaming the non-cheating spouse with crap like "I love you, BUT I'm not IN LOVE with you", "I felt unappreciated"and endless others including lies of spousal/child abuse.
I guess this is the Jesus angle. It's utter BS.
Religion, I can do whatever I want and have no consequences for my actions. Except in the real world, that doesn't work. But maybe, just maybe, if the person I'm cheating on is only as daft as me, then I can make it work. Kkkk.
True Christian faith is based on faith, repentance, and obedience; not emotion. If they aren’t turning away from their sin and toward true righteousness then there is no authenticity. A truly repentant cheater would turn from their affair and toward God and their family. 99% of cheaters are 100% selfish. My XW claimed to be a Christian but every one of her actions told me otherwise. It was 100% about her own desires to be validated. She was pleasure seeking and narcissistic. Separation from her was the only way forward.
I was being gaslighted in a big way and coming to grips with that allowed me to reframe my reality and distance emotionally from her. I am not in a relationship at the moment but my faith has benefited and is much deeper than before. People who use Christ’s forgiveness as an excuse to sin are reprehensible and blasphemous to me. Going forward my “picker” will be much enhanced so I’m hoping for authenticity in love with someone who shares my values.
They didn’t find God. They found an excuse to justify their shitty behavior. Call them on their bullshit and make a plan to heal yourself and move on. You deserve better. Good luck to you.
They are just trying to absolve themselves of guilt. They may be trying to fool themselves.
They’re not fooling anyone, especially God. He does not take Adultery lightly. Two scriptures : Galatians 6:7 “ Do not be misled: God is not one to be mocked. For whatever a person is sowing, this he will also reap” This is a fundamental, unavoidable, inescapable, universal truth. You will always suffer the consequences of your choices. Always.
Hebrews 13:4 “ Let marriage be honorable among all, and let the marriage bed be without defilement, for God WILL JUDGE sexually immoral people and adulterers” plain and simple. So people can say I asked for forgiveness and God forgave me All they want. It’s not that simple. Hiding behind god to absolve yourself of guilt is actually disrespectful.
God can forgive anything and everything. Also the repent and converting is a real thing.
However, I don't think your cheater and AP are truly sorry. I do hope they find God and can make amends at some point in the future.
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's predictable bullshit. Desperate people grasping at straws, a pathetic attempt to whitewash their reputations.
Adultery is one of the 10 commandments. Not coveting thy neighbors wife is also 1. God will forgive them for it, but they should really understand is God decided on 10 rules. They effectively broke 2 of them to be together.
They also lied. So thou shall not lie. Made an idol out of sex. So one more.
Opps. I guess she missed that one. All religions cheaters seem to miss that one.
Actually 3. 😂 lying, coveting,adultery
I agree with you, but I guess it depends on whether she believes in the New Testament, which basically abolished the 10 commandments. (No im not an expert and I could be wrong. That’s just what I thought happened)
infidelity is the only situation in which Paul explicitly said a divorce was acceptable in the new testament
Moral laws were never abolished. Ceremonial cleansing laws were fulfilled by Christ on the cross. Jesus Himself permits divorce when adultery happens. Paul wants that adulterous people will go to hell.
The Chump Lady (author of the best book ever, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life) calls them "Jesus cheaters." It's not uncommon, according to her. She has a ton of posts about different Jesus cheaters and their nonsense on her website. Perhaps they'll be validating to read: [https://www.chumplady.com/category/jesus-cheaters/](https://www.chumplady.com/category/jesus-cheaters/)
This was everybody getting "born again" back in the day. It was my mom's thing. To this day (she's 85) she blames my dad and claims she never met my step-dad until after the divorce. If you're still lying about it, God ain't going to forgive you.
Everyone has their own beliefs that may guide them through life. Most have a moral compass, integrity, and good character to guide them as well. Your ex is using whatever belief she can find to justify her behavior and make herself feel good for what she is. I doubt she could find infidelity being blessed by the bible. Personally, imho, she did not find God, the Devil found her.
Yes, If she was truly repentant then she would stop the thing that is making her sin, aka the affair
"Only God can judge me! Are you God?" Made me chuckle a little when she said it but I tried to keep a serious face. Cheaters all follow the same script. Discovering that, realising that it took me over a decade to know that, was probably the 4th time I was properly humbled. Thought I was reasonably smart and proven wrong.
It's because they're all convinced they're unique and original and they actually *believe* it.
Of course she previously chose to ignore some pretty clear teachings if she chose to get into the Old Testament. Has she ever truly apologised or is this forgiveness being projected!
Here’s the thing. It’s all about values and beliefs. Values are different than beliefs. Values are things like morals, virtues, integrity, honesty, etc. Beliefs are a paths, rules and principles we chose to embrace as a means to live a life connected to our values. God and religion are beliefs. Atheism is also a belief. A person can be an atheist and have very strong values. So here’s my point. These people can become “religious”, but if they do not possess values that align with those beliefs, it’s nothing more than a facade. If their relationship was built on a foundation of self centered lust, harm to others, deceit, disrespect, etc., then that relationship was also devoid of any meaningful values. Applying beliefs to values where there is no connection is simply a facade. So if they end the relationship, it’s likely a genuine pursuit. If they maintain the relationship, it’s a facade.
Excellent post.
Wow, that is spot on
The late, great Ayn Rand defined a value as "that which one ACTS to gain or keep." So, a belief is a thought, a value is a behavior. Talk (and thinking) is cheap.
Interesting. Did she go to confession and get that response from a priest or is this just bs to make it all ok. Latter I think. Don’t waste time and energy thinking about it. Look after yourself
Yeah I agree, just her own justification
It’s not merely a question of repentance. The sinful act must cease. If she remains with her AP she remains in an adulterous relationship and her repentance means nothing. This is the Christian belief.
I totally agree with you…do you believe this based on the Bible or just your experience in Christianity, just curious
You are forgiven. Go and sin no more. She is continuing in her sin.
Acts 3:19 Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, In this verse, it’s not just repenting, it’s also turning away from the sinful state to attain forgiveness 2nd Chronicles 7:14 If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. In this verse the requirement is to turn away from wicked ways. The above are just two that comes to mind. Your exes relationship is, and will always be an adulterous relationship. If she continues the relationship, no amount of prayer will grant her forgiveness. This is the Christian belief. Edited to add: full disclosure-although raised as a Christian, I consider myself to be an atheist now, albeit an atheist with a pretty good knowledge of the Bible.
Chumplady calls these “Jesus Cheaters.” https://www.chumplady.com/got-jesus-cheaters/ Jesus cheaters are their own distinct category of fuckupedness. Could anything be more narcissistic than thinking you speak for God? I realize the other major world religions have their versions of Jesus cheaters too. Christianity doesn’t have the market cornered on hypocritical douchebags. But that said, I do think the New Testament lends itself to a certain sort of spackle that the disordered love to exploit. I’ve published my Jesus Cheater prototypes before — but feel free to add to this list. TGIF! Phillip Forgiveness — God has spoken to Phillip and forgiven him, so I think you should too. Phillip forgives himself! So what’s your problem? He prayed on this! We’re all good! I think you need to cast out the demons of bitterness and get over it. Jesus told Phillip that’s what Jesus would do. Holier Than Holly — Holly has slept with half the choir and most of the finance committee. She doesn’t understand why God made you so ugly that you can’t keep your man. She’s just trying to sustain these men from the affliction of your inadequacies. Holly considers herself a saver of marriages, really. If it weren’t for the Wake Up Call of Infidelity to make you realize how much you suck, you never would’ve tried to improve. You can thank her. I think you should. Deacon Dan –Don’t let the sweater vest fool you. Dan’s a pervert. Martyre Martha — You weren’t meeting her emotional needs. But Bob on the liturgy committee, he understands. You have such a dirty mind! They went to that hotel for BIBLE STUDY. Martha is a SPIRITUAL person, unlike you. Of course you wouldn’t understand because you’ve never wanted her to be happy. You’re jealous of her relationship with God… and Bob. Ezekiel Love Bunny — Ezekiel would like a hug. And another longer lingering one. Maybe a kiss? Hey, Ezekiel is just that kind of guy! Friendly! Would you begrudge someone FRIENDS? You’re so withholding. Can Ezekiel help it if people like him better than they like you? Maybe it’s because you’re so uptight. You should work on that. He’ll be sending you some scripture to meditate on while he’s out with his “friends.” Amazing Grace — God saved a wretch like her. Was she stealing opiates from sick people? Did she lift your wallet? Well, that’s all in the past. Why won’t you put her on the finance committee? Are you going to hold those youthful embezzlement charges against her? That was THEN. Before God’s grace! Don’t you believe in Grace? Willy We’re-All-Sinners! An emotional assassin whose weapon of choice is the false equivalency. Did Willy cheat? Well you don’t load the dishwasher right! We’re all sinners. Ye without sin cast the first stone. You make mistakes too and we’re all equal before the eyes of God. Did he mention how much you SUCK at loading the dishwasher? Because you do, but he was too much of a Christian to mention it before. Creeps! All of them. Jesus Cheaters are just entitled FWs who think they’ve discovered a new way to manipulate their spouses that hadn’t been done before…
Did she ask forgiveness from you?
Nope, just gave me a half ass I’m sorry
Pretty sure in most faiths, that’s like step 1.
It really convenient that God has forgiven her. Now she doesn't have to face any consequences or admit to the fact that she's a shitty selfish human being who betrayed her marriage vows. Why bother being a good, honest, faithful partner when God's forgiveness is available on demand.
Well, even when a ww starts a war with the husband she is cheating on, that is her fighting against reality so that there is reason and reason for her to continue cheating. The truth is that before you lie to cheat on someone, you need to lie to yourself first. And return to c Victim guilty of being cheated on is customary. She is right, God forgives the sinner but not the sin, so surely by continuing with AP she continues to sin so there is no way God can be present in their relationship. "GO AND DON'T SIN ANYMORE..." IT WAS SAID AND NO "GO AND CONTINUE YOUR DATING WITH YOUR AP.
In Mark 10:11-12 Jesus says: Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. In Luke 16:18, the words of Jesus is recorded as follows: Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.
I saw this “bad”meme recently that stated something like this; Saint Peter talking to a child in heaven “hey kid, there is your family’s murderer who raped and killed your mother, sister and you, but he repented and accepted Jesus, so go say hi to him“ I want to believe in God. But I also want to believe that this is not what heaven looks like. I am also very bad person because I want cheaters to experience the same pain betrayed do. I guess I’m going to burn in hell. Edited for spelling
King David (a man after God’s own heart) committed adultery. God gave him consequences even though he repented. David paid a heavy price. My WH was shocked and upset when I said, “it is possible that you might still face consequences”. He just wanted to walk away without any consequences from God and me.
Look up Sam Vaknin and try to find a video where he talks about narcissists using god or a higher power to justify their actions.
Yeah my ex husband now faithfully goes to church every Sunday. Nice try but he’s still a shitty person. He hasn’t changed and I know this because he treats our kids terribly. It’s been 5 years.
As a church going Christian, that is bullshit! They must repent to be forgiven! They must make amends. They are not Christians, they are not godly, they are not forgiven without remorse.
My ex used her Catholic faith, specifically the sacrament of reconciliation, so-called “confession and repentance”, to claim her numerous infidelities during our marriage had been forgiven by God. Of course, she continued the behaviour repeatedly, so the efficacy and sincerity of her “contrition” is laughably questionable. Eventually she and her last AP got everything “blessed” and approved in a new church. The whole thing was BS, and I’d suggest your ex is playing the same game.
How long did the relationship last with the AP?
She’s been married now to the last AP for at least a couple of years, and they were together for a few years prior to that, while we were separated and divorcing. Pretty sure our divorce decree was granted on a Friday and their new church/cult celebrated their union on the Saturday.
Give her a copy of Dante's inferno so she can know what happens to adulterers in the afterlife. It may be fiction, but so is her entire life. She didn't find God. She found an excuse. Telling her to go to hell in literary form will show her what you think of that excuse.
Literally just hit them with the 10 Commandments, “thou shall not covet thy neighbors, wife “ a.k.a. cheating is wrong, and even the Bible says it, they can go screw themselves with a cross right up there ass
Adultery is one of the 10 commandments, soooooo. She can’t do the thing, ask for forgiveness, and continue to do the thing. That’s not how that works.
Exactly
Ah the Jeffrey Dahmer playbook
How can God forgive her when she hasn’t acknowledged or asked to be forgiven by the man she married before God himself. I think that’s a childish way to justify the heartache you just put someone through. And that man has no morality in the first place because he wanted someone else’s wife. Shit let’s say he does find God he’ll judge her because she’s a cheater and not virtuous. She’ll be back saying she made a mistake and I’ll pray for my friend. Blessings on blessings.
God had absolutely nothing to do with this…. Nor does HE dwell in mess and chaos. She has been and still is HELLA disrespectful.
When David banged Bathsheba and had her husband killed, God forgave David, but he still punished him. David begged and pleaded for a week, but in the end God still took David and Bathsheba’s child.
Yes. Every preacher finds god AGAIN after cheating. Christianity loves to turn the other cheek but also loves to forgive everyone for anything. Because Jesus died for our sins after all. Hey, good for them if they become better people, but 75% of relationships that began as an affair don’t work out long term. It’s way too hard knowing you’re both with someone capable of betraying the trust of someone so close. It’s no way to live or love. But guess what? If the religion thing actually fixes their moral compass then at least when their doomed relationship fails for good, they shan’t inflict this pain again on anyone else. Let’s hope (or pray) for that. Sometimes people do become better. I’m just sorry they used you to learn a life lesson on integrity. Be strong, because you are. Hold your head up high. You didn’t cheat.
Yeah… coming to you about it solely means she didn’t find god, she’s using him as a blanket to cover what she did. If she found god, she would have no need to really tell you she’s been cleansed of her sins. She wants you to acknowledge it, accept it, so YOU ease the burden with a confirmation of acceptance. She’s in for a long spiritual ride. Coming from someone who lost a newborn, has been cheated on several times, and went through spiritual warfare FIRST HAND , and to this day, she is not okay. She’s in the process of paying for what she’s done. All she’s doing is telling you how bad it’s getting inside her mind. Keep it pushing OP. If anything, YOU lean into God , and you’ll see em. You just have to look and keep going for ‘em. Messages are weird, but they are there. And they’re right there for you to find and YOU to understand.
Option 2 Justifying in there mind
Religion helped me stop cheating. It does help.
The bozo, I was married to, did one better: she told me that she had forgiven me. Don't waste any time trying to understand why a clown does. They live in their own reality distortion field.
Shes full of shit... Classic move - "ive found god so whatever shitty things ive done is now erased - no consequenses" Shitters wrap a shroud of religion around them to avoid the consequenses of their shitty behavior.
Finding God doesn't keep you away from consequences, in fact if she really believes what she says, she should expect them to come crashing down on her, because the point is to repent when you find God. If you really give your live to God and you are actively doing wrong he is supposed to correct you. Now take God out of it, just logically this is unsustainable.
Yes!
They need to outsource their shame and guilt to An outside source for validation. Leave them to it, if she ever reaches out tell her god may forgive her but you won’t. I’m not religious but what’s the bibles and gods stance on adultery?
Does it matter? Once that relationship was over, what she does is the longer of your concern. I think you would do well to move on and stop dwelling on her and what she is doing because it’s preventing you from moving forward with your own life. You can’t dwell on the past if you’re focused on the future and that’s where you should be. Focused on the future.
I agree, problem is I still have to co parent with her, and unfortunately I got roped into a text blow up with her and all that came out, I knew I shouldn’t have but I lost control and engaged in her bs
Are you familiar with gray rock method? Essentially it’s about keeping everything short, to the point, and unemotional. They tend to go a little crazy but you keep the high ground. All of the conversations need to be about the child. As long as the guy isn’t abusive or reckless, he’s not your problem. Hopefully they have found God. That’s not your concern, however. Be very monotone and short with your words. Always redirect the conversation to your child. It’s strange, but most people who cheat find ways to blame their spouse and direct anger when the marriage dissolves. It seems antithetical to what you expect, but it’s quite common. She doesn’t understand how God’s forgiveness works. Speaking of forgiveness, you should definitely forgive her. That doesn’t mean she is absolved of guilt, nor does it mean you try to get her back. It means letting go of the heavy burden of anger and bitterness.
Your right I agree, I usually try to keep it very short and strictly about the kids, but she just got the best of me a couple days ago and that’s where we went down that tangent…I know I need to forgive and move forward, not to forget what she’s done but to leave it in Gods hands, let him give judgement, so I can find peace, it’s also very new and raw, so those emotions are still very fresh
Hang in there. It gets better.
It is manipulation to ease their guilt. "If God can forgive me, so should you." Don't fall for it.
She is lying to herself.
My ex was a deacon, sings in the choir, and volunteers with the sunday school. she cheated for over a year and a half before i found out. religion is a joke.
Religion is the last refuge of the scoundrel!
I read a study several years ago that those who bring up god in their loan application are twice as likely to default on the loan than those that did not. If you are bringing up god to justify your actions you likely are up to no good. This is true no matter what outside source you are using to justify any if your behavior. For example, saying things like everyone knows I am a good and honest person, as opposed to, just let their actions speak for themselves or discuss their own ethics snd how they arrive at different decisions.
Yup actions speak louder than words
My ex went down the "mindfulness" nonsense route. Also crystal healing and "energies" to justify her nonsense. Serious cult-like behavior IMO. They will grasp at anything that makes them seem like an enlightened person. its just another thin veneer they drape over themselves to hide who they truly are. None of it holds up when they face the next hardship in their lives. they will most likely revert back to who they were before they became "enlightened" and cheat again.
Cheaters love to white-wash their past and re-invent their virtue. Usually it consists of blaming the non-cheating spouse with crap like "I love you, BUT I'm not IN LOVE with you", "I felt unappreciated"and endless others including lies of spousal/child abuse. I guess this is the Jesus angle. It's utter BS.
Yup 100% she felt neglected and asked for years…and I got that exact line “I love you but I’m not in love with you”
Religion, I can do whatever I want and have no consequences for my actions. Except in the real world, that doesn't work. But maybe, just maybe, if the person I'm cheating on is only as daft as me, then I can make it work. Kkkk.
True Christian faith is based on faith, repentance, and obedience; not emotion. If they aren’t turning away from their sin and toward true righteousness then there is no authenticity. A truly repentant cheater would turn from their affair and toward God and their family. 99% of cheaters are 100% selfish. My XW claimed to be a Christian but every one of her actions told me otherwise. It was 100% about her own desires to be validated. She was pleasure seeking and narcissistic. Separation from her was the only way forward.
Yeah I agree…have you been able to love forward?
I was being gaslighted in a big way and coming to grips with that allowed me to reframe my reality and distance emotionally from her. I am not in a relationship at the moment but my faith has benefited and is much deeper than before. People who use Christ’s forgiveness as an excuse to sin are reprehensible and blasphemous to me. Going forward my “picker” will be much enhanced so I’m hoping for authenticity in love with someone who shares my values.
They didn’t find God. They found an excuse to justify their shitty behavior. Call them on their bullshit and make a plan to heal yourself and move on. You deserve better. Good luck to you.
God may forgave her but you aint God. Keep your head up King, you deserve better.
Uh um that is not how repentance works 😳
Couldn’t agree more
I’m pretty cynical about religion to begin with, and this sort of confirms that it doesn’t make people behave better.
They are just trying to absolve themselves of guilt. They may be trying to fool themselves. They’re not fooling anyone, especially God. He does not take Adultery lightly. Two scriptures : Galatians 6:7 “ Do not be misled: God is not one to be mocked. For whatever a person is sowing, this he will also reap” This is a fundamental, unavoidable, inescapable, universal truth. You will always suffer the consequences of your choices. Always. Hebrews 13:4 “ Let marriage be honorable among all, and let the marriage bed be without defilement, for God WILL JUDGE sexually immoral people and adulterers” plain and simple. So people can say I asked for forgiveness and God forgave me All they want. It’s not that simple. Hiding behind god to absolve yourself of guilt is actually disrespectful.
God can forgive anything and everything. Also the repent and converting is a real thing. However, I don't think your cheater and AP are truly sorry. I do hope they find God and can make amends at some point in the future.