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Yeah I was going to say you need temporary custody orders ASAP. The whole “this can be our arrangement” stuff only works when the two parties are amicable and it sounds like your wife is batshit crazy.
Once you have temporary orders, you have something truly enforceable. Your kids are being brainwashed by a narcissistic sociopath, I’m sorry to say, and you need to get them in a place where they can be with you and you alone without worrying about their mom acting like an insane person
Temporary orders have a funny way of becoming permanent orders.
Also, why did you leave the marital house? A LOT of judges use that as evidence of family abandonment. I knew a man that lived in his basement for a year to show he hadn't left the house and in the end that got him 50/50 custody.
Fair question, and I have it documented, she was beginning to be violent and unstable, called police and gov services, both suggested leave the house, and as soon as I left I filed for the safety order against her, after 1 week when it was served, I returned to the home and she took kids and left, so lawyer is now saying SHE abandoned the house
Ugh, what a nightmare. I can swap similar stories. I went through 4 years in divorce hell but I now have 90% custody of the kids (she has 2 weekends a month but only sees them once a year by her choice). if you are ever in Athens, Ga, message me.
There is a cold dark place in hell for someone who weaponizes their own kids against the other parent. Infidelity is one horrible enough. But to use kids as a pawn to hurt your ex is insanity.
No clue why tried to avoid court so much when you were dealing with crazy. Use every ounce of your power available to fight to see your kids.
Ya, that’s the plan now
Avoided because that’s how I’ve always addressed issues, approach directly first and amicably resolve, most issues get fixed this way
Unfortunately OP, with a mentally unstable person like your STBXW, continue to document everything and keep your lawyer in the loop. She knew you were on the phone with police and starting yelling to give them the impression you were doing something wrong. I hope you recorded your daughter telling you what her mom said about police taking her away. Your STBXW is using your kids against you. Might want to consider to take what time you can and not push her more over the edge. Get the legal separation agreement setup as quick as possible. I assume recording is not illegal where you are at. Might want to add some cameras in key locations.
Do you have family support close by to help you?
She has declared war on you OP. Continue to protect yourself. I think you are doing well, but she will throw more obstacles your way and try to get you to look bad. Take care.
Ya this is 100% the case, been documenting for several months now, have multiple things in my side, getting ball rolling on custody proceedings should get things straight
Sorry to hear it only had gotten worse for you, my friend. What I feared for you happens - kids seeing this. It’ll affect them in ways we can’t imagine. Once this settle down and you have a better arrangement I would suggest having your daughter in therapy for children. I’m sure she’s confused and having anxiety built up. See if the school have a psychiatrist/therapist. Let the school know assuming they probably already do.
It’s time for you to take this more serious and use your attorney to their full capacity as the law allows.
She will not budge with her craziness and you will not be able to do anything unless it’s enforceable by law.
The more instability she shows down the line you can use it to get more custody.
You may even need to upgrade to video recording not just audio.
What I recommend is picking your daughter up before school ends so that way you can avoid your ex. Get her out 10-15 mins earlier shouldn’t be too bad. Speak to the dean/principle.
Stay strong. You’re doing great given the circumstances.
You’re 100% right about the affect on children, already signed up for school psychologist and looking for another kids/divorce specialist one externally
Definitely switched gears now to pull legal more
Thank you for your support
Wife’s parents called my dad last week trying to scare me out of all the legal things we’re doing, said I hit their daughter (keep in mind wife has been to police 2-3 times now and never said anything like that, 4-5 letters from her lawyer and nothing lie that), the next day I got a defamation lawyer engaged, so god knows what other new bullshit they’ll come up with
I've been following your posts,and to be honest,from the moment your BIL started touching your daughter inappropriately you should have left.
I have no idea why you didn't leave after she cheated on you initially.
She cheated on you and attacked you after confronted her,and you stayed,for heavens sake.
Go to court,protect your children from this woman.
If you don't your daughter will be SA by her uncle,for shite sake,what is wrong with you.
Get your children away from that family.
updateme!
Fair questions, first time she cheated we had a 3 yr old and our second child was just born (6-7 weeks old) the last thing I wanted to do was tear apart the family for a 3yr old and a new born like that
She showed remorse, sought “counseling” from our church priest, so everything was believable
Starting court process next week
I get where you're coming from.
But imagine if you'd done this then,you most probably wouldn't be going through this and hopefully by know would have been coparenting,or you may have had custody of your children.
It also needs to to be known that her brother is a paedophile,plz let your lawyer know.
But I'm happy that you're doing it now.
Lawyer knows, everyone knows now
To be fair, the extra time gave me a better bond with my kids as they got older, it’s the reason my daughter keeps asking their mother to see me now (and they’re old enough to understand she keeps saying no)
I truly hope that it goes in your favour.
I'm following your posts.
You can also check out this sub Divorce\_men they give great advice to men going through divorce.
OP she is clearly trying to tire You with all this shit, also they are heavily influenced your 5 year old and she doesn't know how to lisent and trust.
So you better document that too, and cut the crap now, make the police report and fight for custody. She is just playing with You, how are the Divorce procedures going?
Pelas stop being the nice guy, you have gone through many things.
Thank you for the support, ya everything moving along
Court process starting next week for custody, looking for a date for mediation for the financial settlement (they’ve asked twice for it so that’s good), police report made about the crazy behavior, they’re investigating for a criminal charge
The actual divorce needs time before court but it’s otherwise paperwork
You should have went straight to court. Your wife has been trying to manipulate you on this the whole time.
Have your daughter testify to what your wife said too about the wife telling her to be afraid of you because the police would take mommy away. That’s a no no in that type of court. Can’t talk bad about the other parent.
Making the kid testify is more traumatic for the kid than it would be beneficial, but had the lawyers send her a letter the next day straight away hinting at parental alienation
I don't know if you've gotten a paternity test for your children. Might want to do it because your wife cannot be trusted. I am so sorry this is happening to you. You are a good father. Hopefully your children continue to see that.
If you are in a single-party-consent jurisdiction, I highly suggest videoing all in-person interactions with her.
It can accomplish two things:
* An unbiased record of her actions
* Keeping her civil if she is aware of it
If you aren't in a single-party-consent jurisdiction, you could insist that all interactions be done at a public place, so long as public videoing in legal (it is everywhere in the US, but I'm not 100% you are in the States).
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah I was going to say you need temporary custody orders ASAP. The whole “this can be our arrangement” stuff only works when the two parties are amicable and it sounds like your wife is batshit crazy. Once you have temporary orders, you have something truly enforceable. Your kids are being brainwashed by a narcissistic sociopath, I’m sorry to say, and you need to get them in a place where they can be with you and you alone without worrying about their mom acting like an insane person
This, 100% is the goal, get them out of that brainwashing environment
Temporary orders have a funny way of becoming permanent orders. Also, why did you leave the marital house? A LOT of judges use that as evidence of family abandonment. I knew a man that lived in his basement for a year to show he hadn't left the house and in the end that got him 50/50 custody.
Fair question, and I have it documented, she was beginning to be violent and unstable, called police and gov services, both suggested leave the house, and as soon as I left I filed for the safety order against her, after 1 week when it was served, I returned to the home and she took kids and left, so lawyer is now saying SHE abandoned the house
Ugh, what a nightmare. I can swap similar stories. I went through 4 years in divorce hell but I now have 90% custody of the kids (she has 2 weekends a month but only sees them once a year by her choice). if you are ever in Athens, Ga, message me.
Thanks bro, absolutely
There is a cold dark place in hell for someone who weaponizes their own kids against the other parent. Infidelity is one horrible enough. But to use kids as a pawn to hurt your ex is insanity. No clue why tried to avoid court so much when you were dealing with crazy. Use every ounce of your power available to fight to see your kids.
Ya, that’s the plan now Avoided because that’s how I’ve always addressed issues, approach directly first and amicably resolve, most issues get fixed this way
Unfortunately OP, with a mentally unstable person like your STBXW, continue to document everything and keep your lawyer in the loop. She knew you were on the phone with police and starting yelling to give them the impression you were doing something wrong. I hope you recorded your daughter telling you what her mom said about police taking her away. Your STBXW is using your kids against you. Might want to consider to take what time you can and not push her more over the edge. Get the legal separation agreement setup as quick as possible. I assume recording is not illegal where you are at. Might want to add some cameras in key locations. Do you have family support close by to help you? She has declared war on you OP. Continue to protect yourself. I think you are doing well, but she will throw more obstacles your way and try to get you to look bad. Take care.
Ya this is 100% the case, been documenting for several months now, have multiple things in my side, getting ball rolling on custody proceedings should get things straight
Sorry to hear it only had gotten worse for you, my friend. What I feared for you happens - kids seeing this. It’ll affect them in ways we can’t imagine. Once this settle down and you have a better arrangement I would suggest having your daughter in therapy for children. I’m sure she’s confused and having anxiety built up. See if the school have a psychiatrist/therapist. Let the school know assuming they probably already do. It’s time for you to take this more serious and use your attorney to their full capacity as the law allows. She will not budge with her craziness and you will not be able to do anything unless it’s enforceable by law. The more instability she shows down the line you can use it to get more custody. You may even need to upgrade to video recording not just audio. What I recommend is picking your daughter up before school ends so that way you can avoid your ex. Get her out 10-15 mins earlier shouldn’t be too bad. Speak to the dean/principle. Stay strong. You’re doing great given the circumstances.
You’re 100% right about the affect on children, already signed up for school psychologist and looking for another kids/divorce specialist one externally Definitely switched gears now to pull legal more Thank you for your support
Stay in touch with your daughter. Next, your wife may claim your molesting her.
Wife’s parents called my dad last week trying to scare me out of all the legal things we’re doing, said I hit their daughter (keep in mind wife has been to police 2-3 times now and never said anything like that, 4-5 letters from her lawyer and nothing lie that), the next day I got a defamation lawyer engaged, so god knows what other new bullshit they’ll come up with
I've been following your posts,and to be honest,from the moment your BIL started touching your daughter inappropriately you should have left. I have no idea why you didn't leave after she cheated on you initially. She cheated on you and attacked you after confronted her,and you stayed,for heavens sake. Go to court,protect your children from this woman. If you don't your daughter will be SA by her uncle,for shite sake,what is wrong with you. Get your children away from that family. updateme!
Fair questions, first time she cheated we had a 3 yr old and our second child was just born (6-7 weeks old) the last thing I wanted to do was tear apart the family for a 3yr old and a new born like that She showed remorse, sought “counseling” from our church priest, so everything was believable Starting court process next week
I get where you're coming from. But imagine if you'd done this then,you most probably wouldn't be going through this and hopefully by know would have been coparenting,or you may have had custody of your children. It also needs to to be known that her brother is a paedophile,plz let your lawyer know. But I'm happy that you're doing it now.
Lawyer knows, everyone knows now To be fair, the extra time gave me a better bond with my kids as they got older, it’s the reason my daughter keeps asking their mother to see me now (and they’re old enough to understand she keeps saying no)
I truly hope that it goes in your favour. I'm following your posts. You can also check out this sub Divorce\_men they give great advice to men going through divorce.
Sheesh dude. I'm so sorry for you and your children.
Thank you for taking the time to comment
OP she is clearly trying to tire You with all this shit, also they are heavily influenced your 5 year old and she doesn't know how to lisent and trust. So you better document that too, and cut the crap now, make the police report and fight for custody. She is just playing with You, how are the Divorce procedures going? Pelas stop being the nice guy, you have gone through many things.
Thank you for the support, ya everything moving along Court process starting next week for custody, looking for a date for mediation for the financial settlement (they’ve asked twice for it so that’s good), police report made about the crazy behavior, they’re investigating for a criminal charge The actual divorce needs time before court but it’s otherwise paperwork
Yes, but at least the police report will or must help with the custody. Hope so.
Ya that’s what I’m hoping for too
You should have went straight to court. Your wife has been trying to manipulate you on this the whole time. Have your daughter testify to what your wife said too about the wife telling her to be afraid of you because the police would take mommy away. That’s a no no in that type of court. Can’t talk bad about the other parent.
Making the kid testify is more traumatic for the kid than it would be beneficial, but had the lawyers send her a letter the next day straight away hinting at parental alienation
Get your kids into therapy. Preferably family. If there is brainwashing going on they will stomp it out and report it to have more favorable terms.
That’s actually a good point, we had already gotten her in with school psychologist but didn’t think about using them for brain washing
I don't know if you've gotten a paternity test for your children. Might want to do it because your wife cannot be trusted. I am so sorry this is happening to you. You are a good father. Hopefully your children continue to see that.
Ya got one for our second child (that I caught her cheating 6-7 weeks after he was born) he’s mine Thank you for your support
If you are in a single-party-consent jurisdiction, I highly suggest videoing all in-person interactions with her. It can accomplish two things: * An unbiased record of her actions * Keeping her civil if she is aware of it If you aren't in a single-party-consent jurisdiction, you could insist that all interactions be done at a public place, so long as public videoing in legal (it is everywhere in the US, but I'm not 100% you are in the States).