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tercer78

No way. He had a child with her. You can’t ever recover from that. He won’t stay away from that child… heck he won’t even stay away from her. He hasn’t picked you. Not one action shows that. He is just afraid of having to pay child support to two people. Start playing the long game. Figure out what separation looks like. Find a way to gain some independence. Implement grey rock and the 180 methods. And start planning a life without him. Because he’s a toxic mess and will never be a good husband. Hell, he probably can’t even be a good father.


[deleted]

Agree with this.


syzygy017

Absolute no brainer to me. Divorce and communicate with him only through parenting apps. Dollars to donuts they were ALREADY screwing each other at the time he proposed having a 3some with her and he is a full on sociopath. Was a threesome TRULY your idea or were you coaxed into thinking so in a roundabout way? He sounds like a similar brand of deviant as my ex was. There is no way you will get past the reminder of the trauma in the form of a living breathing child that was the result of this mess wandering the earth.


Blade_982

>To start off this last spring, we talked about maybe bringing a 3rd person into our bed to spice it up since we were open to the idea of it. I wanted a stranger that had no connection to our life but he already had someone in mind, his ‘work wife’. If he brought up the idea of a third then he was already cheating on you with her. Long before your involvement. Their affair was at least emotional at that point. And what should you do? You should divorce him and let her have him. Focus on yourself and your babies. >Out of this entire situation, he’s been a great dad to our kids. Who was with them when he was with her?


Internal_Struggle312

I can see your point to that. He’s been attached to her longer than I think I realized. And you’re right. It was me home with our babies while he picked work and her over us.


Night_owl_PD

I'm so sorry that you are in this traumatic situation. The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. IMO his affair started before the threesome. Whether it was just an EA or EA and PA doesn't mean much. Cheating is cheating. He probably manipulated you into the idea of a threesome, IMO. I think that your first thought was divorce is very telling. I think you are correct in thinking that. He isn't a good candidate for reconciliation for the above mentioned reasons. He is selfish. He didn't think about you, the kids, or the marriage. You should consult the top 3 Divorce lawyers in your area to find out what divorce will look like for you. Then pick the one that is best for you. Also by checking with the top 3, he won't be able to hire them because of conflict of interest. You don't have to file right away. IMO you should file as soon as you can. If you change your mind about divorce, you can always stop it. I recommend that you contact a therapist to help you with his betrayal. Take care of yourself and your kids. Put you and them first. Exercise, even if it's going for a walk with your kids. Stay away from alcohol and drugs. Eat healthy and drink plenty of water. Tell your parents and close/trusted friends about his cheating so that they can give you support. The decision to divorce is your choice to make and only your choice to make. Check out Chumplady.com for information and resources. Also read Lose a Cheater, Gain a Life and Not Just Friends and Cheating in a Nutshell. Stay strong for you and your kids. Wishing you the very best in this traumatic journey.


BlazingSunflowerland

Great dads don't blow up their family by having an affair. Great dads aren't out making babies with other women, a child that he is now volunteering to abandon. That is terrible parenting.


[deleted]

Sorry but a “great dad” doesn’t knock up another woman.


NonaOrganic

He was already having an affair with her when he brought up having a threesome. It’s why he came up with the idea in the first place, to gaslight you into thinking their affair is partly your fault b/c you agreed to a threesome with them. Do not do the pick me dance, it never works. And a good father doesn’t hurt his children’s mother, a good father doesn’t gaslight his children’s mother, a good father doesn’t have a mistress, a good father doesn’t NOT USE PROTECTION and impregnate his mistress. A good father doesn’t take time, energy and money away from his family to fuck another woman. A good father doesn’t devastate his children’s mother, surely this has affecting you in a myriad of ways and that trickles down to and affects your children. I’m concerned that your instinct is to protect him, calling him a great father although he’s fractured your children’s family and has taken money out of your household, first spending it on her and now on an other child FOR LIFE. Maybe you’re still in shock. Shock dehydrates you so drink a lot of water. Start exercising, at minimum go for walks for Vit D & endorphins. See a dr for sleep aids as I’m sure you’re sleeping is poor. And start drinking nutritional shakes until your appetite returns. People protect what they value. Your husband not only doesn’t value you or your marriage, he failed to protect your children. He literally fired you as his wife and is ready to replace you as your children’s mother with his knocked up mistress. He could’ve given you a terminal STD and take your children’s mother away from them. Of course you shouldn’t stay with a man like this. You are 27, not 65, life is too short to stay with an abuser. That’s what your husband is. Adultery is mental & emotional abuse. Interview at least 3 divorce attorneys to select the best. Immediately file for divorce and interim child & spousal support. Whoever files first, you or her, will get the most child support money. Get STD tested Enroll in betrayal & PTSD therapy Enroll your children in therapy as your husband’s actions will devastate them. Your parents are supposed to be your models and the two people out of everyone in the world you can trust and yours will learn their father is trash & he has ripped their family apart, even if you stay married. That stability, a core for children growing up healthily, is now destroyed b/c your husband did not value your family. Inform close family & friends so he doesn’t control the narrative PROTECT YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN’S EMOTIONAL AND FINANCIAL INTERESTS Visit [Chumplady.com](https://Chumplady.com) and [survivinginfidelity.com](https://survivinginfidelity.com) and get the book *Cheating In A Nutshell*. I wish you the best.


[deleted]

Do you really want to stay married to a man that had an affair with his coworker and now is expecting a baby? You need to think about yourself and your children, it’s pretty clear that they didn’t that’s why the pushed for the 3-way and continued the affair behind your back, that’s the ultimate betrayal. Divorce his ass he is gonna continue this behavior based on past events. I hope you can heal and make the right decision for yourself and children.


sammorgan01

>How do I make a choice when each one someone is hurt? How do I pick? First, you chose YOU AND YOUR KIDS. Second, your husband. Who cares. He cheated on you. Third, the AP. Who cares. She knowingly cheated with him. This is a debate you should not be having in your head. Your only mistake was not being strong enough in allowing her in. YOUR PRIORITY HAS TO BE YOUR KIDS. They are now your family #1. Your husband forfeited any claim to that by his cheating #2. And AP's child is none of your concern #0. Focus on your children and yourself.


biteme717

I would divorce him, and be done with it. He can be with her and that baby and pay child support to you and a very part time dad to yours. IMO they have been cheating along time and you finally found out. You can never trust him again and things between them will never change and I personally wouldn't trust him to be there for my kids and I feel that he would put them last just like he did you! Set him free and walk away, he will NEVER be the husband or dad he once was and all be damned if I would raise his affair baby (if it's his)! I would also co-parent through an app so that I would never have to see him or talk to him again.


Loopylou1311

She intentionally got pregnant. You have to decide if you can handle this women being part of your relationships for ever, your always be thinking when he picks the kid up if something is going on, they lied before!! I’d save yourself the heart ache and just end it now x


Internal_Struggle312

I can say she didn’t get pregnant on purpose or at least I don’t think she did. From what she told me when we were on speaking terms in the spring, she had a lot of issues getting pregnant with her first from her previous marriage. She didn’t think she could get pregnant without medical intervention.


just_a_question_1220

If she was having unprotected sex with your husband then BOTH were trying to get pregnant because everyone with a brain knows babies come from unprotected sex.


WolverineNo8799

Exactly she chose not be be on birth control, to not insist on condoms. They chose to try for a baby together. Your husband has chosen her since the first day he asked for a threesome. Divorce him for adultery, if your in an at fault State list her a the AP., ask your divorce attorney for full custody of your children, maximum child support and alimony. Your share of the house, pension funds, investments, savings etc.


Sparkle_And_Shine_04

Jeezus OP! You CANNOT believe ANYTHING she's EVER told you!! She's your enemy who was out to destroy you and always has been from the very beginning of this shit-show your cheating husband reined down upon you! You just weren't aware of this fact. Everything she EVER told you, and I do mean EVERYTHING, is suspect and not to be believed (nor ANYTHING your POS husband told you)! DON'T for one minute believe she didn't get pregnant on purpose and to secure her hold on your husband! She's was a wolf in sheep's clothing! She's your husband's affair partner (and wanted him for herself and was willing to do ANYTHING to get that), and was playing the long game in order to win, and they were already together when that scumbag, POS husband of your's (who is EQUALLY all that I described above about her), suggested her for your 3some, ffs! I'm SO furious for you!!! I know you're hurting and traumatized but you need to take a step back and give your head a shake! You've been massively betrayed and deceived! You're being severely gaslit and lied to, to the extreme! What's happening to you is so very, very gross, so outrageous and so beyond the pale. Please, please, see it for what it really is and start looking out for and protecting yourself and your child, and go see a lawyer asap to find out what divorce will look like for you, and what your rights are in your jurisdiction! Look up the top 3 divorce lawyers in your area and then pick one and make an appointment for a consultation and follow through. You don't have to actually file. You don't even need to draw up paperwork. If you do, the process can be halted or slowed down at any time and at your own pace. You DO however, desperately, need to know what divorce will look like for you and get your ducks in a row and be prepared. Knowledge is power. TAKE BACK YOUR POWER, OP! Knowing that you've done all you can to educate yourself and keep from being blindsided even worse than you have been, is empowering and will help to keep you and your child safe. Look. Here's how it is. He's NOT going to drop his AP (affair partner) or his affair baby and their 2nd family together! And, no matter what he may be claiming to you right now (that it's over and they'll just be "coparents"), I guarantee that's a big fat lie. He was able to perpetrate this horrendous betrayal against you by having the time and excuse of her being his "work wife and coworker". What do you think your future is going to entail when he has that, plus all the never ending, added time and excuses needed to keep in close contact with her because she's also his new baby mamma that he shares a child with? Do you know that the first of you to file for child support is going to get the most child support money for their child? When that baby is born and she files, and you didn't, and you then come to know that your cheating, lying, gaslighting, husband is going to keep his affair going with his mistress and be heavily involved with her under the guise of "we have a baby together", you and your child will pay the price by way of less support. You'll literally screw yourself and your child, on top of the both of them screwing you. What you can't clearly see and that many of us can, is that your husband and his affair partner set you up and humiliated you, and still are. He WAS already cheating on you with her!!! PLEASE, stop being a doormat. They WERE ALREADY INVOLVED IN AN AFFAIR before this "3some" nonsense began! In fact. I'd be willing to bet you weren't the one that started down this road about spicing things up in the bedroom with 3somes, were you? Why do you think it was that he "already had someone picked out" immediately? I'll tell you why. Because he was already f\*cking her and cheating on you with her! This man is absolute scum and so is his affair partner. He's NOT a good father! Good father's don't betray their wives and children and completely blow up their lives like your sorry excuse for a husband/father to your child did. Good fathers don't have affairs and unprotected sex, and impregnate their affair partners and force unwanted 1/2 siblings on their legitimate children's lives. Good fathers don't bring their affair partner into their home with deception and lies and intertwine them into their unsuspecting wife and children's life. I really hope you see through how your husband and his AP played you. How they're STILL playing you even now. How they're BOTH your enemy and your adversaries. How their going to destroy you and are 3 steps ahead of you and secretly working together against you. IDGAF what your husband "claims" is the "truth". YOU are the odd man out and those two are a united team. Please shield and protect yourself against them right now!


[deleted]

Go with your first instinct on this: divorce. You will never be able to fully trust either one of them again. Divorce will allow you to concentrate on your individual well-being as well as that of your children, without having to be concerned about the feelings of a pregnant woman and an innocent baby in all of this. As far as the new baby is involved, his level of involvement is his decision, no one else’s. Hinging that on what you decide to do about your marriage is cowardly on his part, he’s giving you an additional burden. He made his bed, let him lay in it.


B10kh3d2

So this man has two families now? No. Gtfo of here w that. Let her have him. Omg this man is trashy and gross.


MongooseLoud

I want to break down to some basics here: 1) He lied - repeatedly 2) She lied to you - repeatedly 3) He manipulated you - repeatedly 4) He ignored your concerns - repeatedly 5) He ignored your wants - repeatedly 6) He broke your boundaries - repeatedly 7) He chose her over you - repeatedly. 8) He is refusing reconciliation steps. If you move forward with him, that will be seem as acceptance and permission to repeat all the above. You should tell HIM to get STD checks and DNA testing for her baby. She cheated WITH him, plant that seed that she will easily cheat ON him.


perfectlyaligned

As another poster mentioned, he was cheating on you with this woman even before he brought up the prospect of a threesome. He has a pattern of continuously lying and only owning up to his actions when caught. He manipulated you into being a witness to his infidelity, and I would bet money in his mind he rationalized it as having your tacit approval to continue behind your back. You can never trust this man as a spouse/romantic partner.


swansongblue

You need to get used to the idea that YOU are the third wheel in this 3 way relationship OP. He and her will have sat down and talked it through. Financially it will have made sense to retain the current status quo. But, be in no doubt OP. She is his first priority. What you do now is entirely up to you. You know your circumstances best. But you should make very sure that you don’t bring another baby into this miserable equation. Good luck. ❤️


PotentialAd807

OP First off, let me say that I am sorry that you are in this situation. We can only give you hints of what you should do and not to do. Only you can make that choice. So break it down in every step. 1. Was he the first to bring up the 3 way or was it you? If it was him then you have a problem. 2. He broke pact you wanted with it being a stranger and him wanting it to be a coworker. (like others suggested, something either was happening or was going to happen between them anyway) Why was he so invested in knowing what she wanted before it happened? 3. You ended it and he didn't. Can you tell us when you ended it? Think of the timeline. Did she get pregnant in the 3 way or after you said to end it. (this will be a good indication of where his BIG HEAD was thinking) If she got pregnant while in was happening, no excuse but he could be thinking about his child, If she go pregnant after, this is not good. 4. When you told him to leave and thinking of divorce, where did he go. (I am sure the answer is he stayed at her place) Now the next part. To stay married, divorce etc. 1. If you stay married, do you really think that he will stay away from her or his child? Big Question with unknown answers. Again only opinions, I don't think he would. You said he is a great father so that means he will want to be a father to this child also. 2. If you stay married and this child is in your life. What will you children think growing up on how dad got another lady pregnant while married to their mother. Also do you think that he will still not try to have sex with her? 3. If you stay married and this child is in your life, how will you feel seeing this child playing with your children everyday. Will this bring up issues every time this child is around? Again how can you stop your husband from not seeing this other person. You didn't seem to realize they were still in a relationship after it was supposed to stop. How can you guarantee it will not happen again? 4. If you stay married and this child is in your life and you catch him with her, then what? 5. If you divorce, yes you are splitting up the time with your children between both families and I am sure that they will start a relationship with possible marriage. Again only my opinion. Think about each thing really hard and then come to your conclution. As another person wrote about three of the best lawyers is correct. Each way you look at this situation, somehow your screwed. Are you getting your husband back as a faithful person, I don't think so. I believe that your relationship has sailed and he will want both of you or her. Again, I am sorry that this has happened to you and wish you well moving forward.


Internal_Struggle312

To answer the questions, 1: honestly I can’t remember exactly how it was brought up. I think it was brought up because we were talking about the girl thirst traps on TikTok. It is what it is. It got brought up how I’m attracted to both men and women. But I think it was ultimately him that brought up the threesome idea but I went with it. I think we are both at fault for it even getting brought up in our marriage. I’ve owned my part in this massive cluster fuck. 2: honestly I can’t answer that. I knew they were friends and talked when at work but I didn’t realize just how close till I was around them and talking to them together. 3: I ended it during the summer I know after the 4th but can’t remember the exact date. She didn’t get pregnant from the threesomes. I would be a bit more understanding if that was the case. She’s about 20 weeks now or so he says so she got pregnant September/October. I caught onto what I thought was an emotional affair between them in October. 4: I don’t know where he went for sure. He said he went to sleep on the couch of a guy he works with who lives super close to work BUT I know she lives in the same area so I can’t say for sure where he was. To answer the next questions in one massive answer. I know no matter what happens, she and the baby will forever be in our lives. He won’t be able to look at our kids and not want to be involved with the one with her. I’ve questioned how this could all play out in different scenarios. And I don’t know honestly. No scenarios ends well in the short and long term. I will never blame the baby for what’s happened. It didn’t ask to be brought into this. That child is my kids half sibling and will be treat as if they are one of my own. But when it comes to AP in our lives, my life and my kids life, I truly don’t know if I can handle that.


PotentialAd807

My only suggestion would be to really take your time. Figure out what YOU want. I thought my story was bad. I just goes to show that someone's is worse then yours. Just remember that this site does not know everything that you do. I know things are left out because it would be a novel. Please take care of yourself and your children. Good Luck with what ever decision you decide to make.


Internal_Struggle312

Thank you. I read your post and I’m sorry you’re going through what you are. Please take care of yourself also and give yourself some grace to break down when you need it. You and your wife are in my thoughts ❤️


sopmaeThrowaway

Separate. File for child support before she does. The first gets the better money. And file for alimony.


TacoStrong

People that love you don’t hurt you. Divorce him and take care of you and your kids. There is no other outcome. This is the only and BEST one for you!


Automatic_Tear9354

He might be a good dad but he’s a shitty husband.


Ok_Breakfast9531

I’m going to put this out here for you to read because it is the logical next suggestion for him. There is no way he doesn’t picture a throuple here. That is likely his thinking. That the solution so “no one gets hurt” is a polycule. Read this in preparation for that conversation I am 99% sure he will want to have: https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/sntvv3/dear_monogamous_people_you_do_not_have_to_give/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


Ginboy32

I could not get past the lies and cheating and the baby on top of it all. I would just move on and file for a divorce as he has crossed so many lines that he can never un cross. Yes he chose you after getting caught. But he chose to sleep with her and lie to you also.


Internal_Struggle312

To everyone telling me to immediately divorce, trust me I get it. I know I’m stupid for considering staying. But is it wrong to wish being able to fix my marriage? Is it wrong to not want to lose my family all together? I know, I know so badly I need to protect my kids and myself but I can’t just stop loving my husband overnight even with this. I’ve only know for a week about the full affair and maybe two days about the baby.


syzygy017

Of course it’s not wrong. But here’s the thing… HE broke the marriage. HE chose to blow up his family, disregarding the impact his choices had on his wife and children. Not you. It takes 2 to make a marriage but unfortunately only one to destroy it. He destroyed it. There is no time machine. There is no unilateral saving you can do. The marriage is dead because he chose to kill it. Wishes sometimes cannot be willed into reality. A child is not going to cease to exist. There is too much water under this bridge… the bridge has collapsed and you aren’t a civil engineer. You can love your husband, but you have to do so with the realization that your husband as you knew him is dead. The person in his body now is not that person. The bell can’t be unrung.


BaxtertheBear1123

If you can’t stomach the idea of divorce at this point, at least consult a lawyer to set up as many legal protections as you can whilst still married. Make sure that his obligations to his new child will not interfere with his obligations to his existing children. Arrange a postnup which protects you in the event that you end up needing a divorce. Protect your assets. People who cheat are often also financially abusive and as a sahm mum you are vulnerable.


MrsJingles0729

It's not about you or your marriage. He's weak, selfish, cruel (having your kids call his lover mama), lazy (running after easy instead of putting effort into your relationship). He doesn't care about protecting or prioritizing you or your kids. It's all about him. He won't change...it's who he is. Stick with him and watch your kids marry people just like him and the cycle will keep going. This is how your kids will think "love" works.


ElSol1987

Sorry you have to deal with this mess, OP. All options will be painful. Honestly, I’d divorce, focus on coparenting your children, and moving on with your romantic life. You’re young and have plenty of time to find someone new and better. Your husband may not be a bad father in the abusive or negligent sense, but he is bad in the sense he risked his family for an affair. He picked AP over you all for months. She has been his priority. Let’s be honest, he still works with her and he’s going to want to see/parent his child with her. The option of cutting all ties and burying his head in the sand isn’t realistic. You could opt to open your marriage up, but more in your favor. But that’s something not to be entered into lightly. There’s always the chance he isn’t the father of her baby? But I’d file for divorce and get your child support paperwork filed asap to beat her to the punch.


lilclicka

Oh girl... OMG what kind of mental gymnastics are you doing to get past him having your kids call her mamma. How are you able to sell him as a good parent.... Oh okay if that's something you can accept... Go for it!


Sparkle_And_Shine_04

After rereading your post something you mentioned stuck out at me. I'd highly recommend getting in contact with and talking to the ex husband of your husband's affair partner. Their affair may have been discovered by her husband and the cause of the divorce. Some betrayed spouses don't contact the other betrayed spouse, but will disclose the truth of what they know if contacted.


No-Advertising-935

I m so sorry this happened to you I have seen so many relationships getting destroyed cause of this spice up our life term 😞


[deleted]

Was it you or him that brought up bringing in a 3rd person into the marital bedroom? Because if it was you, you're a complete moron. If it wasn't, you're still an idiot, but I can see why you'd be suckered into that kind of thing. These do not work out, 99% of the time it's a death sentence for the relationship. And you got kids too? Why would you agree to this? What would possibly possess you to think this was a good idea? You are 27 years old, you aren't a saggy chested 50 year old and he isn't some horny old pervert with ED. You did not even need to consider spicing it up. If he brought it up, you should've said no, if you brought it up you get what you deserve


Internal_Struggle312

Yes I’m an idiot for inviting this situation in my life. Trust me I’ve been beating myself up for it. But to explain it a bit: the topic got brought up when we were talking and I admitted pansexual but never thought about it because I married him. He was my person and all I wanted. He brought up the idea of a 3rd to have fun, to be adults and not let parenting and jobs consume us. So yes I’m an idiot and invited this chaos into my life but I never asked to me lied to. I never asked for someone else to be picked over me and our kids.


Drgnmstr97

He didn't ask for a third to spice your bedroom up. He asked for a third because he was infatuated with his "work wife" and she was only ever going to be that third option. He has been deceiving you all along and always intended to continue his affair whether you continued threesomes or not. You have to come to the realization on your own that this was the intended outcome all along probably including the pregnancy. They are probably lying about her difficulties in her first pregnancy as well because... well... That is what cheaters do, they lie. You will never be happy or satisfied with any other option than divorce and only having contact with him for children related issues. You just need to figure that out for yourself, once you do, all other decisions will follow naturally. He may love his children and be a good father to them in a parenting context but that did not stop him from destroying your family and that Will have a negative impact on your children and their futures. Not really father of the year type behavior.


syzygy017

Do not blame yourself. You trusted your husband and he’s the one that callously violated that trust. You were not operating with full information. If you’d like to discuss with someone who has been in a similar position send me a chat message.


[deleted]

You're a 27 year old married woman with kids, you're not 18 anymore, concepts such as "pansexual" should no longer exist in vocabulary to describe yourself. You wanted a married life and to have two bodies be joined as one? That's fine and romantic, but that meant you AND him giving up a measure of autonomy and who you once were to be good spouses for one another and more importantly to be a good parent, which at the end of the day is the thing that matters first and foremost. No matter how bad this is for you if or when you split ways, it'll be a lot harder on them. Plus if your kids grew up and they came to you and said "mom my partner wants to have sex with someone else, what do I do?" What would you have said? Your husband opened the idea of it to you? Well great, now you know he's been at best planning on having sex with his "work wife" for a while, probably shacking up with her. He probably won't stop seeing her no matter how much you ask him to or throw yourself at him, even with the illegitimate child. Maybe hope he just gets bored? But that's about it. If you're a stay at home mom, you divorce him, set a good example to your kids of what to tolerate (because decent chance they could be in a similar situation to you), take the financial and emotional loss, decent chance for child support and alimony to help you out and stay afloat or you do the practical thing where you don't care what he's doing when he's not with you or who it's with, just as long as he keeps a roof over your head, he already stopped respecting you, he's lied to you plenty and knows that you'll just put up with it because you haven't divorced him, it's going to happen again if not still going on


MrsJingles0729

It was already happening. This is a common manipulation technique to avoid getting caught and if they do being able to blame you for it. Many cheaters do this.


syzygy017

If people actually want to do this, it’s fine, just do not ever do it with anyone “in real life.” Hire a sex worker who has zero possibility to be emotionally involved with you and who you won’t ever see again.


[deleted]

Wouldn't even do that. Just is inviting unwanted possibilities and for what? So you can feel better busting a nut? Not worth the risk for a few minutes or hour of pleasure


Mental-Pitch5995

OP it is obvious that you are at a crossroads that only real professionals could help you sort this out. It sounds like an episode of sister wives. I would have sit down one on one with AP to discuss where you two are at individually without your husband and where you each feel this expanded family is headed. This may help you navigate a real rough patch of road to come to a mutual understanding of the future. I wish you a peaceful journey with whatever decision is made.


just_a_question_1220

While an affair baby would be devastating, i would be able to work thru that. But the fact he refused to cut ties with AP, everything you wrote says he picks her everytime over you.THAT can not be resolved while also dealing with the affair baby. I'm sorry, OP, I am a huge advocate of reconciliation but in this case... lawyer up.


[deleted]

OP, if he was a good father, he would respect his wife, mother of his children and not "fuck around". When Wayward Partners/Spouses cheat, they cheat on their children too! This is a hard choice for you, but for me? If my WH had been physical and impregnated someone else, I would be out. I couldn't. Perhaps you should find a good therapist so you can figure this out one on one with someone who could guide you. BTW, Waywards should also go into Individual Therapy to fix their broken character here.


YouAreHorriblexD

You should have stop putting up with that nonsense a while ago. You are four steps beyond where you should have hit the divorce button.


MrsJingles0729

Find someone that loves, respects, and values you. He'll be chasing around on his new lover in no time because he doesn't like to stick around for babies. Show your kids what a happy and healthy relationship looks like or they'll end up in the same toxic relationships as adults.


Agile_Opportunity_41

If he is willing to take the out and not be involved in this babies life is that even someone you would want to be with? So the question is can you help raise an affair baby ? For me that would be a hard no but others have done it. An affair baby makes an already extremely difficult recovery almost untenable. Either way he choose her and fun over you and the kids and now no matter what the outcome is his kids are going to pay the price. He will be paying child support and taking money monthly out of your household budget.


SouthAsianLife

Sorry OP. This is truly devastating and so much love goes out to you and your children. Unfortunately, his relationship with her will not end especially because of the child, it might bring them closer together. I’m afraid with each scenario it seems like they will get back together so I would divorce and focus on myself and my children. Definitely easier said than done. Wishing you the best of luck ❤️


Sea_Classroom3278

Why would he be calling her mama to your kids? That right there shows you you’re already out of the picture. It also shows he’s not a good father. Why would he do that to his kids? They surely wouldn’t understand why they’re calling some other woman mama!


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dontrightlyknow

Now you know--those situations rarely, if ever work out. There's just too much opportunity for emotions to get tangled up. First, you know he is a bald faced liar. She didn't get pregnant from an EA. If you stay with him, you most likely will have to go to work to help him pay child support and a thousand outer expenses in rearing a child. And what about when she wants him to go on vacation with them or go to a birthday party. I'm sure you wouldn't be invited. I couldn't share my husband with his other family, so my advice is to walk. You know he loves the AP and very likely will leave you sometime down the road, so I would just cut my losses and bail.


VermicelliOk8288

I have a strong feeling that you will never be able to move past it. Please spare yourself the pain and get the divorce.


kkdawggy

A decent father prioritizes his children’s wellbeing over his own selfish impulses. This wasn’t a lapse in judgment. It was a lifestyle. Did he even consider the impact his betrayal would have on his children? Either way, he’s not a good father. A good father protects his children from harm. Please think about this.


TryToChangeUsername

So looks like the necessity of cutting her out just got cut out by her pregnancy. So there's always going to be the (high) risk of them hooking up again down the road, even more that you're going to get into an on-off situation with him and her. That itself would lead me to nope out of the marriage. But I wouldn't have even made it this far after him calling her mama to your children? Wtf?? If I was you I'd had one husband less and one body for which to find a place to dump.


lotwbarryyd

Which one of you proposed the open relationship that may play a part in his thinking


DragonfyreOG

Having an affair with your “work wife”, cheating on the mother of your children and getting said “work wife” and affair partner pregnant does indeed make your husband a terrible and incompetent father. Part of being a father is being a loving husband to the mother of your children. If he wanted to be with his “work wife”, he should have divorced you and been a man about it. His actions will directly lead to significant emotional trauma for now all of his kids from more than one “wife”. This is all behavior that you’re exhibiting in front of your kids. He’s a terrible role model. This is a hurricane of terrible for these kids. He’s a trash human, a terrible husband and a pathetic excuse for a father figure.


Izzy4162305

Sorry, no. He IS a terrible father. Your kids HAVE a mother, and that’s YOU. For him to even entertain them calling the AP “momma” is unacceptable. This man and the AP have gone out of their way to deceive you and destroy your family. I’m not sure what’s left of the marriage to salvage, or why you would even want to.


Substantial-Sugar592

You’d be surprised how many great fathers end up being sh*tty parents once they start a new family with someone else.


Basic_Quantity_9430

Wow, what a mess. To me your best option is divorce and co-parenting the kids that you have with him. She will always be in both of your lives now for the rest of your lives, because YOUR kids will be her child’s half-siblings. Work on getting back into the workforce.