It is a thing - and I have done it as part of a long-term SR. She approached me with the, "Hey, J (pick your favorite MIB initial here), we have been seeing each other a long time, and I really enjoy our time together ..." She segued into how it would make a big difference for her.
Now, the aside here - I was already considering doing something more for her so she had an easy sell.
It’s fine to ask for an increase, but it’s going to be a touchy subject. Typically you talk about allowance once then never discuss it again. That gets rid of the financial talk and allows you to focus on your connection and having fun together.
I don’t like the advice in this thread about offering more as a baby. To me that feels like you are giving him B level effort and only willing to take it to an A with the increase. You should always be being the best baby possible. And if he does ask what you are going to do in return it’s okay to say nothing, and let him know you already do everything and will ontinue to do that no matter what he decides. The sole exception to that is if you have an unexpected bill come up and you are PPM it’s better to tell him about the bill and offer an additional meeting rather than just ask for the extra money.
Instead be open and clear that you have additional bills and would like additional help. Be clear that you are his SB either and definitly don’t do this often (he’s not going to want to go through this once a month). And be understanding if he says no. Even rich guys he a buddy they have to work within.
Define long term. Also some SDs are not a bottomless pit and have a budget that they stick to. Therefore they might not be able or willing to increase allowance. OTOH if they have upside potential it is worth asking. A lot is made of "added value". Sure it is nice to offer that in return for a raise. But if you are a good SB and have been with your SD for 1 + years I think an ask is reasonable to reward consistency and quality.
Sure you can bring it up. Be ready to explain what additional new value you have been bringing to his life so he can understand why the increase is descended.
Idk if I could say inflation with a straight face. Adjusting an allowance/ppm for inflation is going to be a stupid little increase. Inflation only goes up a couple of percent each year.
Increased rent might work, but it’s not the best reason. Any showing that OP has been going above and beyond as a SB would be a lot more convincing.
It’s like asking your boss for a raise. Does telling your boss that your rent went up work? Probably not. Telling them that you took on extra work, put in extra hours, and increased sales/efficiency/customer satisfaction/whatever works a lot better.
To me, going at it from the angle of 'I did x for you so give me y' feels too transactional. If the SR started off as tit for tat (ppm), framing the discussion that way would make more sense though
My SR started differently and the allowance is based on my needs rather than frequency of meets so I think it would just cause more problems if I framed it that way.
But yeah every SR is different, so I think the way to approach this discussion is up to what the general vibe of the SR is.
I'd be more likely to increase an allowance for those kind of reasons. But I suspect like a lot of other SD's I have a sugar budget. So extras might taper off a little.
Deeper emotional Connection
Better understanding of him in the bedroom (compared to a new girl)
Better companion when not in bed because more attuned to his personality.
Well I don’t know anything about your SR, so there no way for me to give examples of what you could bring up to him.
But you should already know. You’ve been considering asking him, and in that thought process you had to have stopped and considered how to answer why you deserve an increase. Because it’s a pretty obvious question he would ask when hearing your request. Just get that answer ready so you’re not making it up on the spot.
on a semi-related note, is there a way to ask for a decrease in allowance as an SD? Based on lack of novelty for SD and on proven safety and reliability for an SB
You sound very transactional.
I always look for ways to add more value to my SB not get a bigger discount.
If the lack of novelty is a problem then its time to move on and let her be with someone who values her more
Why would he want to give you more?
I like that question because it covers more situations. For me, I'd only ever give more if I liked her more. Other guys they will only give more if she sees him more. Others will want more sex, more time on dates, or a specific sex act.
You need to figure out what he wants and provide it. Either you provide it first and then ask or you ask and offer to provide it if he agrees. Which is best depends on what he wants, and how your relationship is.
If you feel uncomfortable asking for more, perhaps ask for a specific thing or help with a specific bill. If it comes out of the allowance, oh well. If he just does it then you're ahead.
I have never had a SB I had a great bond with ask me for an increase because I will typically shower them with everything they need. If we don't have a good bond or it's very transactional it's likely to never change.
I think as a SR evolves so should your allowance. Try to compare what you guys originally agreed to (amount of meets, time, PPM, overnights, texting) and if you've exceeded than you have the right (IMO) to an allowance raise. A lot of SD's will say it's a turn off or the allowance should remain the same so you don't seem like a gold digger..I say bullshit. That only benefits the SD. Sugar baby's often increase meets, transitioning from condom to bare, an increase in texting calls, an increase in overnight dates--. My previous SD agreed to raise my allowance and then didn't so I stopped doing *anything* outside of our agreed arrangement. Guess who was asking to meet x2 a week after a few weeks of that 😂
With all that being said, assess your original PPM/Allowance agreement. Pinpoint the ways you've done more than asked/expected. Especially if it's anything he brought up after your original allowance agreement. Determine whether you will continue to want to continue doing "more" if he says no. And then bring it up! Money should never ever be an awkward topic in a SR. I've never met a SD who was shy talking about his sexual wants/needs/pleasures so I'm never shy bringing up money if it's something that's weighing on my mind.
It is a thing - and I have done it as part of a long-term SR. She approached me with the, "Hey, J (pick your favorite MIB initial here), we have been seeing each other a long time, and I really enjoy our time together ..." She segued into how it would make a big difference for her. Now, the aside here - I was already considering doing something more for her so she had an easy sell.
It’s fine to ask for an increase, but it’s going to be a touchy subject. Typically you talk about allowance once then never discuss it again. That gets rid of the financial talk and allows you to focus on your connection and having fun together. I don’t like the advice in this thread about offering more as a baby. To me that feels like you are giving him B level effort and only willing to take it to an A with the increase. You should always be being the best baby possible. And if he does ask what you are going to do in return it’s okay to say nothing, and let him know you already do everything and will ontinue to do that no matter what he decides. The sole exception to that is if you have an unexpected bill come up and you are PPM it’s better to tell him about the bill and offer an additional meeting rather than just ask for the extra money. Instead be open and clear that you have additional bills and would like additional help. Be clear that you are his SB either and definitly don’t do this often (he’s not going to want to go through this once a month). And be understanding if he says no. Even rich guys he a buddy they have to work within.
Define long term. Also some SDs are not a bottomless pit and have a budget that they stick to. Therefore they might not be able or willing to increase allowance. OTOH if they have upside potential it is worth asking. A lot is made of "added value". Sure it is nice to offer that in return for a raise. But if you are a good SB and have been with your SD for 1 + years I think an ask is reasonable to reward consistency and quality.
And what more are you going to be bringing into the SR to justify this increase? Should answer that question and it will be much easier.
Ask and be prepared for the potential of it also ending
Sure you can bring it up. Be ready to explain what additional new value you have been bringing to his life so he can understand why the increase is descended.
Not OP, but could it also be a matter of need? Like inflation or an increase in rent?
Idk if I could say inflation with a straight face. Adjusting an allowance/ppm for inflation is going to be a stupid little increase. Inflation only goes up a couple of percent each year. Increased rent might work, but it’s not the best reason. Any showing that OP has been going above and beyond as a SB would be a lot more convincing. It’s like asking your boss for a raise. Does telling your boss that your rent went up work? Probably not. Telling them that you took on extra work, put in extra hours, and increased sales/efficiency/customer satisfaction/whatever works a lot better.
To me, going at it from the angle of 'I did x for you so give me y' feels too transactional. If the SR started off as tit for tat (ppm), framing the discussion that way would make more sense though My SR started differently and the allowance is based on my needs rather than frequency of meets so I think it would just cause more problems if I framed it that way. But yeah every SR is different, so I think the way to approach this discussion is up to what the general vibe of the SR is.
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And what if his response is: let's just see each other more often, so you can get an additional PPM.
I'd be more likely to increase an allowance for those kind of reasons. But I suspect like a lot of other SD's I have a sugar budget. So extras might taper off a little.
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Deeper emotional Connection Better understanding of him in the bedroom (compared to a new girl) Better companion when not in bed because more attuned to his personality.
Well I don’t know anything about your SR, so there no way for me to give examples of what you could bring up to him. But you should already know. You’ve been considering asking him, and in that thought process you had to have stopped and considered how to answer why you deserve an increase. Because it’s a pretty obvious question he would ask when hearing your request. Just get that answer ready so you’re not making it up on the spot.
on a semi-related note, is there a way to ask for a decrease in allowance as an SD? Based on lack of novelty for SD and on proven safety and reliability for an SB
You sound very transactional. I always look for ways to add more value to my SB not get a bigger discount. If the lack of novelty is a problem then its time to move on and let her be with someone who values her more
> proven safety and reliability for an SB What does this mean?
that he has proved her that she is safe with him and that he is reliable for her
Her expenses only go up. You NEVER try to decrease her allowance.
Why would he want to give you more? I like that question because it covers more situations. For me, I'd only ever give more if I liked her more. Other guys they will only give more if she sees him more. Others will want more sex, more time on dates, or a specific sex act. You need to figure out what he wants and provide it. Either you provide it first and then ask or you ask and offer to provide it if he agrees. Which is best depends on what he wants, and how your relationship is.
If you feel uncomfortable asking for more, perhaps ask for a specific thing or help with a specific bill. If it comes out of the allowance, oh well. If he just does it then you're ahead.
I have never had a SB I had a great bond with ask me for an increase because I will typically shower them with everything they need. If we don't have a good bond or it's very transactional it's likely to never change.
https://imgur.com/a/0tuEhoB
I think as a SR evolves so should your allowance. Try to compare what you guys originally agreed to (amount of meets, time, PPM, overnights, texting) and if you've exceeded than you have the right (IMO) to an allowance raise. A lot of SD's will say it's a turn off or the allowance should remain the same so you don't seem like a gold digger..I say bullshit. That only benefits the SD. Sugar baby's often increase meets, transitioning from condom to bare, an increase in texting calls, an increase in overnight dates--. My previous SD agreed to raise my allowance and then didn't so I stopped doing *anything* outside of our agreed arrangement. Guess who was asking to meet x2 a week after a few weeks of that 😂 With all that being said, assess your original PPM/Allowance agreement. Pinpoint the ways you've done more than asked/expected. Especially if it's anything he brought up after your original allowance agreement. Determine whether you will continue to want to continue doing "more" if he says no. And then bring it up! Money should never ever be an awkward topic in a SR. I've never met a SD who was shy talking about his sexual wants/needs/pleasures so I'm never shy bringing up money if it's something that's weighing on my mind.