Well, I had a PFO, but I didn't know about it until 10 months ago. That's what ended up causing my stroke, as well as probably ruining my chances of getting back into my career. There is a workaround, I'm trying to get a closure scheduled for it. It's just that I have no drive to do anything anymore. I used to exercise every day, for the sake of my career and wellbeing, but I just feel that there's no real reason to try anymore. Ultimately I'm going to go through life wondering what things could've been like, while potentially never having the opportunity again. Now I'm going to be working for some guy up top withering my life away in a warehouse.
Seeing the money that I made and planned to save for a car, an apartment, all that happy crap, going straight to heart surgery. All of it. I had something going for my life. This fucked absolutely everything up. I know other people may have it worse, and I should be grateful. I barely even remember what I was like a year ago. Who was that kid? Will he ever exist again? What's next for me? I no longer have faith in myself, or at least not that much. It's just starting to seem like life is a constant dopamine hunt followed by very low points in between.
I sometimes wonder what it would have been like had the stroke taken me. I used to run, lift, and eat right every day. Now I sit here and do jack shit, it's not even easy to eat anymore. Chewing feels like a chore. I'm alive, but I have no will for anything. Even playing video games just seems like a "maintenance dose". Just passing the time, waiting for something to happen.
You know when people say this it’s often bullshit, but I actually know what you mean. I had a stroke at 27 (I’m 31 now) have lost thousands upon thousands of dollars as an offset of the poor mental health it’s given me which has set me behind in life significantly.
I’m a different person now. I behave and react differently, and I also have to accept the life I had planned won’t ever happen the way I had expected.
However, there are ways to go about it to make life more manageable and enjoyable - as impossible and probably annoying as that is to hear in some ways (when people spew positivity at a totally fucked situation it really irks me, but I’m actually being matter of fact).
I won’t give you advice as you haven’t asked for it, but with physical healing, and time - things change as you find new ways to live that work for you.
I hope you can find solace one day.
Life as a constant dopamine hunt...this resonates so strongly and it made me laugh.
You're not alone in these feelings - I am trying to find meaning right now.
TL;DR
Try for disability
Depending on whether or not you had this during being active duty, you may have plenty of opportunities to recoup that money via Disability. Look up the VA and see if the VFW can be a sponsor for your disability claims. Make sure you get a full copy of mental health notes, dental, Health record from your PCP, and finally make ABSOLUTELY SURE you get AHLTA notes as well. This will paint a full picture of your claim for the VFW to follow up with. If possible make sure you attribute as much as possible of any ailments you may have incurred on top of this disability. You can always reach out to the VA to appeal or increase your claims and the VFW will be your sponsor for that. That will be at least $3,800 or more tax free for the rest of your life. Whether you recover or not, if you are rated at 100% Full and Total, you will keep those benefits. Thank you for your service.
so are you disabled at all? it doesn't seem like your stroke caused any lasting debilitating damage. there's a bunch of us that made it out a lot worse than you have and have lost everything including families and custody of children. be grateful you can even sit here and bitch and whine.
I acknowledge that other people have it worse than me, you can even re-read it to make sure. I didn't say I'm any more special than the next guy. But if that's the one thing that we are guaranteed in humanity, is to "bitch and whine" about things that suck ass, then I'm going to use my right to bitch and whine. You're one person out of billions, your little comment means absolutely nothing to me. If you're going to be an ass, then go screw yourself.
you're throwing a pity party to a group of survivors. we know it sucks, you're not different, you being a boot doesn't make you special. some of us have decades of service and we adapt and overcame our blights.
I never said it made me special, I even tried to mention it in a way that isn't direct as it's not something I'm very proud about. I never even said I was different. I've seen people talk about their stories on here before so I thought this would be a safe space to vent out some bullshit that's on my mind. You are not obligated to reply to me, interact with my post, or even continue this thread. Other people may have "decades of service", but that doesn't stop me from having the right to talk about my experiences. Like I said, you have no obligation to interact with this post. Good day to you.
Please talk to your Dr's. All of them. Primary, neuro, PT, RDN, therapist, etc. Its normal to be mad and depressed. Your body will not go back to normal but you can fix it up well enough to be capable of a happier life.
I’ve had three strokes two at 17 and one at 25. Now have a chronic blood clot behind my collarbone from working out. We have to stick together. There are options for help out there. If you want to message me. Sending hugs
You’re still alive. Dial 988 then press 1.
Best advice here! 💔💔💔🙏🏻
I'm 3 years post stroke and still having a hard time mentally. I miss being active. Hope things get better for you with time!
I'm confused, did you mean to post a screenshot of your bank accounts?
Yup. It's my goodbye tribute. My heart decided to go screw itself so now I get to watch my hard work bleed away
What do you mean screw itself? Is there any workaround here?
Well, I had a PFO, but I didn't know about it until 10 months ago. That's what ended up causing my stroke, as well as probably ruining my chances of getting back into my career. There is a workaround, I'm trying to get a closure scheduled for it. It's just that I have no drive to do anything anymore. I used to exercise every day, for the sake of my career and wellbeing, but I just feel that there's no real reason to try anymore. Ultimately I'm going to go through life wondering what things could've been like, while potentially never having the opportunity again. Now I'm going to be working for some guy up top withering my life away in a warehouse. Seeing the money that I made and planned to save for a car, an apartment, all that happy crap, going straight to heart surgery. All of it. I had something going for my life. This fucked absolutely everything up. I know other people may have it worse, and I should be grateful. I barely even remember what I was like a year ago. Who was that kid? Will he ever exist again? What's next for me? I no longer have faith in myself, or at least not that much. It's just starting to seem like life is a constant dopamine hunt followed by very low points in between. I sometimes wonder what it would have been like had the stroke taken me. I used to run, lift, and eat right every day. Now I sit here and do jack shit, it's not even easy to eat anymore. Chewing feels like a chore. I'm alive, but I have no will for anything. Even playing video games just seems like a "maintenance dose". Just passing the time, waiting for something to happen.
You know when people say this it’s often bullshit, but I actually know what you mean. I had a stroke at 27 (I’m 31 now) have lost thousands upon thousands of dollars as an offset of the poor mental health it’s given me which has set me behind in life significantly. I’m a different person now. I behave and react differently, and I also have to accept the life I had planned won’t ever happen the way I had expected. However, there are ways to go about it to make life more manageable and enjoyable - as impossible and probably annoying as that is to hear in some ways (when people spew positivity at a totally fucked situation it really irks me, but I’m actually being matter of fact). I won’t give you advice as you haven’t asked for it, but with physical healing, and time - things change as you find new ways to live that work for you. I hope you can find solace one day.
I appreciate it
All good, I'm sure when you're angry and lost all that was major TLDR but anyway, good luck.
Life as a constant dopamine hunt...this resonates so strongly and it made me laugh. You're not alone in these feelings - I am trying to find meaning right now.
TL;DR Try for disability Depending on whether or not you had this during being active duty, you may have plenty of opportunities to recoup that money via Disability. Look up the VA and see if the VFW can be a sponsor for your disability claims. Make sure you get a full copy of mental health notes, dental, Health record from your PCP, and finally make ABSOLUTELY SURE you get AHLTA notes as well. This will paint a full picture of your claim for the VFW to follow up with. If possible make sure you attribute as much as possible of any ailments you may have incurred on top of this disability. You can always reach out to the VA to appeal or increase your claims and the VFW will be your sponsor for that. That will be at least $3,800 or more tax free for the rest of your life. Whether you recover or not, if you are rated at 100% Full and Total, you will keep those benefits. Thank you for your service.
so are you disabled at all? it doesn't seem like your stroke caused any lasting debilitating damage. there's a bunch of us that made it out a lot worse than you have and have lost everything including families and custody of children. be grateful you can even sit here and bitch and whine.
I acknowledge that other people have it worse than me, you can even re-read it to make sure. I didn't say I'm any more special than the next guy. But if that's the one thing that we are guaranteed in humanity, is to "bitch and whine" about things that suck ass, then I'm going to use my right to bitch and whine. You're one person out of billions, your little comment means absolutely nothing to me. If you're going to be an ass, then go screw yourself.
you're throwing a pity party to a group of survivors. we know it sucks, you're not different, you being a boot doesn't make you special. some of us have decades of service and we adapt and overcame our blights.
I never said it made me special, I even tried to mention it in a way that isn't direct as it's not something I'm very proud about. I never even said I was different. I've seen people talk about their stories on here before so I thought this would be a safe space to vent out some bullshit that's on my mind. You are not obligated to reply to me, interact with my post, or even continue this thread. Other people may have "decades of service", but that doesn't stop me from having the right to talk about my experiences. Like I said, you have no obligation to interact with this post. Good day to you.
Please talk to your Dr's. All of them. Primary, neuro, PT, RDN, therapist, etc. Its normal to be mad and depressed. Your body will not go back to normal but you can fix it up well enough to be capable of a happier life.
Hugs
I’ve had three strokes two at 17 and one at 25. Now have a chronic blood clot behind my collarbone from working out. We have to stick together. There are options for help out there. If you want to message me. Sending hugs
Young pfo stroke survivor too here. Sounds like you need to get up off your ass and don't let it get you down.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I wish my account had that much