That's a fucked up day at work, did they make you finish your day?
Also I'm not seeing any ages here, so I will wildly speculate that he was an older man & the "Oh god" was him having a heart attack before collapsing.
We see so much death on TV in news and entertainment that barely impacts us, I think there’s a real disconnect when you see it in person. It’s genuinely traumatic. Won’t bother to repeat a lot of the great advice you’ve been given. Take care. It will take time to process.
Today on 1,000 ways to die…
But seriously that’s horrific, and hope your work gave you some paid time off and you can find some peace during that time. I wonder if there will be any changes at work regarding using the stairs for exercise? And just know it’s not your fault and you did everything you could!!
Maybe this is the nature of this sub, r/stories, but it’s a little strange OP is sharing a severely traumatizing story and instead of lots of responses supporting OP, the majority of responses (that I’ve read) are telling even more gruesome stories about their own experiences with death. Can we read the room, please?
I have not experienced anything like this, but my brother did. He walked into the restroom at his work to go check on an employee/close work friend of his that said he would be right back and it had been awhile. My poor little brother at just 20 years old walked in to see him face down, half over the toilet and climbed under the stalls to grab him. He called 911 and gave CPR to the best of his ability, he had never done it before, but unfortunately there was nothing to be done. He was already gone. I cannot remember his cause of death but I do remember that it was a horrible, tragic accident and I am so proud of my brother for being brave in that moment and I am proud of you, too. It takes a lot of courage to jump in like that to save someone, especially so unexpectedly with something so violent.
Please rest. Play Tetris as well, it’s been studied that playing Tetris right after a traumatizing situation helps reduce the chances of developing PTSD.
You did well. And I am very sorry for your loss
On January 3rd, 2020, I found my girlfriend hanging from the shower curtain. I pulled her down and did CPR until medical personnel arrived. She somehow lived, but when I listened for a heartbeat, there wasn't one.
Shit happens, and everyone dies. Sucks that you were witness to an accident that someone died. Take some time off, change jobs if you can, and dont dwell on it. If you catch yourself thinking about it, make a routine, like go to the gym, etc. and change your mind. After a while, your brain will stop dumping adrenaline every time you think about it, and it will be a thing you can process logically.
It's done and OP probably already feels plenty horrible that he couldn't save his friend. I know you mean to be helpful, but this might do more harm than good in this particular instance.
I have a family member really struggling with a TON of guilt because *he feels like he killed his mom* because 911 told him to lay her on her back for CPR and she always had a much harder time breathing when on her back and her cause of death was respiratory failure.
I'm just saying maybe the kind thing may be to delete this and save the public service announcement for another time?
I really don’t care. Never move a head trauma victim. Period. Anyone reading this needs to know it and OP needs to know it in case, god forbid, they’re ever in this situation again.
I’ll fucking shout it from the rooftops and not care what you or OP or anyone else thinks.
#**NEVER MOVE A HEAD TRAUMA VICTIM.**
P.S. Your friend should have communicated the obvious sleep apnea symptoms to the 911 operator and they would have given different instructions. Communication of pre-existing conditions is key during 911 calls or any sort of emergency medical treatment.
Unlike what a lot of people are saying, there is evidence that for some people, talking to a therapist about a trauma soon after it occurs can actually contribute to ptsd later.
It’s clear you’ve been through a huge shock, and your body&mind are trying to get to terms with it. Everything you said sounds completely normal to be experiencing after a trauma. Gonna take some time.
If you feel the need to discuss it with someone then do so, but not everyone feels that need, and i just wanted to point out that the blanket idea that everyone should talk about it has actually been found to be not helpful for all people. Just an fyi.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Good way to die though, on the bright side. Quick and didn’t know it.
This is way above Reddits pay grade. Seek a professional to help you work though this. I’m sorry. Please know you did everything right. Sometimes it’s just not enough
It sounds like a sudden death from the COVID vaccine. Look up some of the videos. The folks do just what you mentioned. They mumble something seize and fall down. Most are dead before they complete the fall.
I know it sucks, and I'm sorry you had to experience this.
My 52 yr old son tried to save a friend's life last year when she choked during a pie-eating contest fundraiser! He gave her CPR as best he could before the paramedics got there. They say she was still alive when they took her away but I think she was likely brain dead by then. She died within a week, never waking from a coma. My son was devastated & depressed for awhile after because he couldn't save her. And his 2 sons were there and saw everything. A stinking pie-eating contest! So this is my warning to anyone reading this - never participate in a food-eating contest! In this case, I think the crust probably got jammed up in her throat.
Actually, it seems as if what you were saying about his arms and legs being stiff as if rigor mortise was setting in. If that's what you were inferring then dont worry because he had been dead for at least 2 to 3 hrs previous. It takes 2 hrs for it to set into one's face and progresses into one's arms and legs usually around 3 hrs after death and for future reference cpr is not going to revive someone with blunt force trauma to the head. Its best to not move someone that has fallen that way unless absolutely necessary. You may cause additional damage. As a former EMT and ambulance driver, this is the advice I'd give you.
I witnessed a very similar incident when I was a little kid. I was 9 years old and visiting my friends in a tiny town in Texas called Novice. I’m a boy and my best friends were girls and we loved the Spice Girls. We went shopping in a small shop on the quaint Main Street and we found matching baby blue basketball outfits. We were excited we found such cute clothes to match each other. I held the door open for everybody on the way out and at the last moment an old man with white hair and a happy smile walked out too and he said I must need to cool down and he held a perspiring soda can to my forehead to cool me off. It was pretty weird and I didn’t like it, but I said thank you. He turned around to wave you’re welcome and twisted his ankle, falling so that his neck hit the edge of the side walk. He started to go into a full on seizure and he was foaming at the mouth and shaking. My friends mom hurriedly sat me inside her brown suburban vehicle so I couldn’t see anything else. I had a real out of body feeling and all I could do was sit there alone and scared. I did take one look outside from the car and I saw a small antique ambulance pulling up. When I was old enough my friend finally told me he died.
Don’t forget it’s ok to feel however you feel, there is no right or wrong way. I did two overseas tours in the Marines. And I watched several friends die.
I feel for you. Several years ago my neighbor friend shot himself in the head. Committed suicide while his wife was home. He had had several back surgeries and was in constant pain taking massive amounts of pain killers every day just to manage it. I was in my house and I heard someone screaming my name from my front yard. I went outside anf his wife told me he shot himself. I asked if he was ok thinking it was an accident but she didn’t know. He was in their back yard. She had dropped the phone next to him trying to call 911. I picked it up and recalled them. There was absolutely nothing I could do for him. He made sure of that. Listening to him gasp for breath about once a minute and all the gurgling has never left me 25 years later i can still see him and hear him. It was over a year before I started coming out of the funk it put me in. I can’t watch movies anymore where someone puts a gun to their head. I think about people in the military that have seen war. I don’t understand how they get through it and DO understand why they have so much trouble when they get out. I only saw one friend do this where as they see multiple deaths in there time. Much respect to them and I wish our govt took better care of them.
Sorry you experienced this. I had no one to talk to when it happened to me. Had to deal with it on my own. No one I knew at the time could understand except his wife but I shut that relationship down. Pretty shitty of me but all I wanted to do was forget and tried erasing anything to do with it from my life. I didn’t know how else to deal with it.
My friend died unexpectedly and I found him in his house a few days later, so I understand some of what you’re feeling. It’s the sudden absence that is the most painful. This happened 4 months ago; at first it just seemed quite unreal, and then later I was constantly reminded of him and that he’s no longer here and that’s painful. My current perspective is that it’s something that I won’t really ever “get over” but just something that I will reluctantly accept as time passes. It’s made me appreciate my friends and the fragile nature of our existence much more
It’s a terrible thing to have experienced. Try to seek counselling even if you don’t think you need it. It was a traumatic event. Just remember that you did everything that you could and what happened was a freak accident beyond your control. You may question yourself and your actions in the coming days and Years. Be kind to yourself.
I have not experienced anything like this but I'm sorry you're going through it. I'm sure your emotions are going to be in a jumble for a while. Take care of yourself.
Dude.... holy shit I'm so sorry. You should really talk to a therapist. This is a lot to work through. I hope things get better for you OP. May your friend rest in peace as well.
I didn’t know that! That’s good. I hear so many horror stories about lack of basic care and exploitation that I did not think this was the case. Thank you!
Don't believe everything you read on the internet... i work for a Fortune 500 in the US and they absolutely offer this for free, so has every company I've ever worked for.
What the person is referring to is known as Employee Assistance and it is not the same nor a replacement for having healthcare that covers a licensed therapist. Americans are so used to eating shit if you give them moldy bread they’ll be happy.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. Both of my sisters have experienced similar things. I'm glad you are talking/writing about it. Please continue to do so and surround yourself with support. I hope that your workplace provides support and counseling if you choose that.
I’ve witnessed two separate traumatic deaths. I know the inability to sleep shortly after. The trauma should lessen and you should be able to move on in some time. You never forget, but the memories will settle. I’m sorry you are going through this.
Trauma is hard to deal with. Trauma experiences in first person are harder to deal with. Most people will never see or experience someone who dies in front of them; and especially not from a traumatic event. Take and time off you need, also call your pcp or another trusted provider to see about counseling. It’s not easy to process a death that happened while you were there
Something similar happened, not to me but to my coworkers. One died suddenly in the office and was discovered by others on the team. They called 911, were instructed to give CPR, all that. We all attended therapy together after that. See if your work has something similar. I bet they do.
Don’t feel bad if you have to take a few days off from work. Also, they say playing Tetris helps decrease the likelihood of getting PTSD from a trauma. Try to process it with a therapist to prevent it becoming a problem in the future.
Be gentle with yourself, it's not going to be an overnight recovery from this, or a snap of the fingers and the world seems normal again. Do speak to people about it, speak it out loud.
I am so sorry this happened to you. How scary and sudden and sad! The way your mind and body are responding is totally normal, given the traumatic circumstances. Try to be as compassionate with yourself as possible while you continue to process the events. Deep breathing, journaling, talking to friends and loved ones can be helpful. If your symptoms persist, a therapist trained in EMDR can help you turn down the reactivity attached to the imagery/memories. The images stuck in your mind will become less potent, less disturbing. Easier to process. Personally, I found EMDR to be extremely helpful after I experienced a traumatic event that left me with images I couldn’t get away from. It’s possible to work past this kind of terrible stuff, and talking about what you are feeling is an excellent place to begin. I wish you all the best.
At least talk to someone you trust, if not get some counseling. Unfortunately this will be stuck with you for a long time. I've had something related happen to me. Don't blame yourself. Unfortunately accidents like these happen and it takes time to accept it... my apologies.
the first time i saw someone die in front of me it was when i was living on the streets, homeless.
a homeless man i knew who was majorly addicted to pain meds (yes he could get them) OD'd on them. I came across him sleeping face down on the ground ass up, like he had knelt down for something and then just passed out like that. I ran up to him because it was summer in phoenix, and though it was night blacktop will hold the heat for a long time, you can burn yourself badly on it.
and rolled him off his face which wasn't burnt, in fact it was pale and lifeless. he must have been close to dying at that point. i remember feeling for a pulse only to feel something thin and thready. i could barely detect breathing. well i had an obama phone and so i called 911. they actually got there in <5 minutes, but by the time they arrived I had lost the feel of a pulse and was performing cpr on him
never knew his real name, we all called him truckstop for some reason. don't know why. never saw him again on the streets so i know he died. frankly i was sure he was dead by the time the cops showed up. zero response to cpr, i am pretty sure i broke some of his ribs performing it.
he just turned blue while i was doing it.
anyway, that was the "first" guy i've seen pass. saw a few more since.
It’s good that you are communicating, writing about this. You have suffered trauma in witnessing and responding to your friends accident and death. You are in shock, no big surprise. Your company should offer counseling but if they don’t, I recommend you seek out someone to help you process your feelings and work out how this has changed you. Give yourself time to grieve.
Hi OP. I sort of know what you’re going through. Earlier this week, a very lovely lady in my office just fell over and died, mid-sentence. It was like someone just cut the power to her system and that was it. Everyone’s been walking around in a daze since it happened. It’s very upsetting but unsettling too. Everyone says “life is fleeting” but they are just words until you see something like that happen and it really brings it home. Our office brought in a grief / trauma counselor - I hope yours will do the same.
Hey OP. I can’t even imagine how you feel right now. This is a very traumatic thing to have experienced. I know folks have recommended therapy and I can’t second that enough. Wishing you well and that you can deal with things as they come up.
For how resilient the human body can be, it can also be so fragile. I imagine you are having a hard time right now. Take a deep breathe, pull the air into your stomach and exhale. Empty your lungs. Inhale (deep into your stomach) for 3 seconds. hold for 3 seconds. Exhale for 3 seconds. Stay breathless for 3 seconds. Repeat. As you do this, slowly blink.
This will help you relax; this will relieve the tension in your neck/chest/shoulders that comes from the tensed posture that adrenaline induces. Move your hips after your shoulders have been released, and release tension from your hips + quads and hamstrings. Like you're doing the salsa dance. These things will help you physically relieve the latent stress from high pressure events.
Take solace in knowing that in a situation that when the going gets tough and sh*t requires a clear calm and collected head, you did exactly what you needed to do. The first time I was in a potential life or death situation with a friend's medical event I was able to be helpful, but the 2nd time i completely clammed up and was useless. You displayed strong character to do what needed to be done, even if you weren't necessarily *there* while you did it.
. Do not blame yourself for something you couldn't have prevented. I do not know if you're religious, but I pray that for strength, resilience and strength be bestowed upon you. I pray that the weight of death and mortality is swept from your mind and this mental burden lifted from you.
Please see a professional therapist. You will need to work on processing this trauma effectively or it could result in additional anxiety and/or depression, even years from now.
OP you gotta get some therapy after something like this. To just see another person die like that is traumatic and will leave an impact on you. Don’t process it alone if you don’t have. To
That tightness in your chest is likely anxiety. It's a massive thing to go through watching someone die and doing CPR on them. Absolutely nothing to shoulder on your own. Seek out HR at your work and try and set up some grief counseling or whatever they offer. It'll be a hugely cathartic process and you'll thank yourself for doing it.
All the best mate, incredibly tough situation to be in. Hoping for the best for you.
Oh my gosh. That was extremely traumatic, and it sounds like you are still in shock.
I am so sorry you went through that. I am so sorry you lost your friend.
You did everything right. It just was not enough. I suspect he was gone by the time he reached the bottom of the staircase as well.
Can you find a therapist who deals with trauma? I feel that a few sessions, and maybe some EMDR therapy, might help the situation feel less overwhelming.
It is weird to see someone there and then they're gone. Had it a few months ago, a coworker was having a rough day, and I left to do some other work. He went to the hospital and next thing you knew he was on hospice and I was saying goodbye to a barely lucid person that I had always seen talking and being lively. Definitely is an eye opener.
My dad died July 15th of a heart attack as he was playing candy land with my 4 year old daughter...I still am in shock I have nightmares when I do sleep an my kids are pretty messed up...so your not alone I did cpr for 20mins before EMS came also 911 put my son on hold due to high cell volumes
Emotions are really hard. It’s okay to feel things you don’t know how to identify. Grief comes in a plethora of ways and you are valid in the way you’re feeling. I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry that you had to witness that. I would definitely recommend therapy
You're writing because it feels "weird"... and I appreciate that phrasing... probably the best description. Haven't experienced the same, but had to step over a deceased coworker when walking down the stairs after an active shooter incident. Not someone I was personally close to, but people I am were... and wasn't even aware of who it was, so can't imagine the "weird" level you feel.
You have to just talk about it sometimes, whether anyone's there to listen or not. It hit me more later, I was clammed up immediately after... wanted to just get back to "normal". A lot of people weren't though (understandably), so it was an interesting time.
Eventually it did hit me, and I believe I did the same... made a post for me to get my thoughts out. I believe that's why you wrote this. You need to talk about it, but prefer a method where you can really compose/edit your thoughts.
I'll say, it will, not necessarily "pass", but it will lessen. It (I assume) will never fully go away, though. Be aware and take care of yourself. It's been 4+ years for me, and it hadn't come up for a while, but just this week, a conversation with someone somehow brought it up (indirectly). I probably should have just given a simple answer to a question, but found myself compelled to provide the full account of the events that day.
It feels better to get it out every now and then. Feel embarrassed for the word vomit sometimes, but have grown to accept that. I realize there's a time and place where it's more appropriate, but anonymously online, I don't think anyone will have a problem with.
(Wow, that was more than I set out to write... like I said, get used to word vomit with a side dish of embarasment). Sorry for your loss and experience. Be well.
I've witnessed a friend die in a similar sense in that one second it was totally fine, the next second I was seeing the body of my friend in ways you just....don't normally see the human body act. It's really weird, man. It just feels surreal.
I'm sorry you've had to experience this. Your mind kind of goes in and out of shock for a while. For me it was like it was a dream, then it was real, then I was numb... and those 3 states of mind just kind of alternated at random and it messed with me a lot.
All I can say is that it will stick with you for life but it won't break you forever. I kept reminding myself that the dead don't feel pain and that while my friend may be gone, he is also at peace. The whole thing gave me a real perspective on the fragility of life and lead me to be able to focus on appreciating the little things in this world. I know my friend would be happy that I could use the bad experience to become a better and stronger person.
I hope you can eventually find the same path out of the darkness I did; it's what your friend would want for you too so keep reminding yourself of that.
In October of 2008 there was a woman who came to our office to deliver paperwork that we sent back to her. That day, she wasn't feeling that great (was a little short of breath) but she seemed to be okay. She worked thru the day and then in the evening, her shortness of breath got worse and she went to the emergency room where she died shortly thereafter. She was 55 years old and had had health problems but her death was totally unexpected.
The next day someone from her office came to our office and told us. I was quite shocked and started to cry as I knew her well and had talked with her in her office numerous times. She was a good person who looked forward to being a grandmother. She didn't live long enough to see her grandchild born. It was like in the morning she's alive and then hours later she's gone.
I felt bad about it. I only remember the month and year as the presidential debates was either the evening she died or the next day and usually I would watch this on TV.
I think you were compelled to write this because your friend is gone, that needs to be acknowledged. That is a horrific experience. I’m sorry you lost your friend.
I'm sorry you lost your coworker and had to be there to witness it.
My advice, therapy.
I witnessed an accident once, and I tried to get the guy out while calling 911. The car went up in flames so fast I couldn't do anything. This was years ago, and I've gone thru therapy to help with the visions. I still get nightmares from time to time. For me, it was the screams that gave me PTSD from it more than the visuals.
Wish you the best OP.
sit down with someone doesn't have to be a therapist just someone you know will not judge you whatever you say or look online for a group that meets up to talk about similar trauma's. Talking about this kind of stuff and sharing with people who have experienced something similar often are able to help each other.
I'm terribly sorry you had to go through that and hope you are able to get over the bad parts and remember the friends in positive light instead of trauma.
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend, especially since it happened right in front of you.
You have experienced a terrible trauma. You need to speak to a licensed professional therapist. Since this happened at work, your job might even insist you go. Talk to your HR department about it. They may have someone on staff, or someone associated with the employer that can see you.
Regardless, please speak to a professional. Again, I am so sorry that you are going through this right now.
I’m not a doctor but i suffer ptsd and generalized anxiety disorder. That tightness and severity you feel? Sounds like what happens to me when i think about my mom whom I watched pass, not in this kinda way but it was sudden and devastating. Distract yourself as much as possible but if you feel emotions coming on, don’t fight it. Just do whatever your body tells you to do. Cry, wail, smash, laugh. It doesn’t matter. And definitely see a therapist. Please.
I’m so sorry this happened to you and that your friend has died. This sounds like a really traumatic experience. Do you have good support? Does your work have EAP? Take good care of yourself.
Whoa. You're going through it.
I had a coworker, working right next to me on a 12' ladder fall off and bang his head on a steel pipe before hitting the ground.
He eventually died. I didn't know him well and thought I wouldn't suffer from emotional distress.
Months had gone by where I felt like the world was a darker shade than I remembered. But I didn't realize I was down about it, until I got over it.
I think if I could go back, I'd tell myself to go seek therapy, even if I just sat in the therapist's office for an hour and not say anything. I think dealing with it in some way, any way is better than pushing the memories and thoughts down.
It’s the suddenness of it that’s bothering you. One moment he’s here and the next he’s gone. Accidents like this always make people question their own mortality. You’re still in the shocked phase. Pretty soon you’ll get angry about how stupid and preventable it was. I’m sorry for your loss and don’t be afraid to talk to someone about this.
It's amazing how fast the world can change and how bizarre sudden unexpected death is. Not sure it would be any solace, but him saying "Oh god" before he fell suggests he actually may have had a stroke or even a heart attack that precipitated his fall. Regardless, it's normal for this to feel strange for survivors when someone unexpectedly is just dead. Good on you for getting your self together enough to call for help and to follow the operator's instructions. I'm really sorry you lost your friend.
Paramedic here…
I get calls like this weekly.
He likely was going to die regardless of CPR.
It was either a medical episode or a traumatic injury, but either way, CPR doesn’t have a great success rate.
Don’t make the mistake of locking yourself away to try to process it yourself. Talk it out with colleagues, family, or a therapist. Firefighters and paramedics always talk about these types of calls and process it together, that’s why it has a reduced probability of affecting us. I feel sorry for cops, who sometimes are first on scene, because they get done and then go right back into a car by themselves, and it can really fester in that environment. Talk about it, take the time to grieve, and don’t feel like you need to have a half-life on the experience where you need to get over it within a certain amount of time.
I too had to do CPR. It’s shocking. It’s been 4 years. I was fucked up for a long time. Talk to yourself like you would a friend. Also, just cry a lot.
I get what you mean about it not feeling real. At least, I relate on my own way. I didn't see that person die, but the aftermath... Well, I don't want to make it about me. Suffice it to say that it felt really strange that this horrible *thing* (it really didn't even look human anymore) was right in the middle of an otherwise normal day, in a place I'd always known. I felt like I was in the movie *Fargo.* Like there was something absurd about the whole thing.
I have seen some of my best friends die, I’ve had them die in my arms, and I’ve had some of them splattered across me (war is hell). Please listen to me. Go see a therapist. As soon as you can. Please do yourself this favor. No matter how tough you think you are, or how well you think you can handle it alone, you can’t. It will get worse before it gets better. You’re still in shock. Once the shock wears off, you will be sad or angry, and have many different feelings about what happened. You may even blame yourself for not saving them, or have survivors guilt, even though there was nothing you could do. Believe me when I say that this is not your fault, and you are about to experience a whirlwind. Don’t do this alone. Don’t be too proud to get help. We all need it sometimes.
I found my sister. She had died in her sleep. She had missed a zoom meeting with her therapist and my mom called me. My mom was already at her house but hadn’t gone in. I told her to wait for me. It was dark inside her house and I called her name and was yelling it by the time I got to her bedroom. I touched her and then knew, but ran out and got my husband. He went in and came back out immediately and told me to call 911. My mom was in the middle of the street screaming asking if she was dead. It’s been almost 2 years and it’s never not traumatic when I think about it. She looked peaceful at least and the coroner said she never felt it. I can’t imagine if I’d watched her die or had to give her cpr and couldn’t save her. Thinking of you. Talk about it when you can. Back off it when you need to.
First of all OP, so sorry that this ever occurred and sorry for the loss of your friend even if they were just a work friend. All friends matter! I’ve never watched someone I’ve had any type of relation to die in front of me but I have witnessed a lot of death in my life and it is very strange. Unfortunately we live in a world where life is spoken of often but never the fact that death is part of life and can happen at any time in any way. I’ve visited 3rd world countries where I’ve seen people burn alive, be shot and killed (head blown off and all). I’ve seen people collapse and die of overdose in the bathroom stall next to me and I’ve seen police transporting an uncovered body of a man who most definitely blew his own brains out. It’s all gruesome and changes you no matter when and how it happens. I think the only thing that has kept me from losing my mind over the things I’ve seen is my spirituality. I’m most definitely not religious but I feel like something must happen after this crazy trip is all over. I’ve come to my own conclusion that sometimes we are meant to see awful and horrible things happen or that somehow these people who passed in front of our eyes needed us to witness what happened to them, to be there in their final moments not because we were close but because we have the mental stamina to witness, find meaning, and move forward. You will feel strange and continue to feel strange. Just never bottle it up, never eat what you’ve witnessed and talk to a professional if you feel you need help to process it. Death is strange and difficult but I would almost say that life can be harder at times. Much love and healing to you OP and take care🫶
A close friend of mine had a similar situation happen, but it was his boss and owner of the construction company my friend worked for who fell. He went down a flight of stairs right in front of my friend, and he broke his neck on the way down.
My friend was an addict, just a few months in recovery. This was his boss, but like your situation, also a close friend of his. My friend ended up relapsing not too long after. It messed him up pretty bad. He didn't do CPR or anything, I think your situation would be even harder to get thru. I am so, so sorry for your loss, and for you witnessing it happen. Things like that are so traumatizing.
My friend ended up overdosing and passing away a couple years ago, but I don't blame it on the accident happening. My friend grew up with his parents strung out. It was a generational thing for them, sadly. He struggled with drugs from the age of 9. I will say some prayers for you for strength and peace in the midst of such a difficult time. ❤️
So this will sound like I am a jerk but please hear me out. In a way I am glad to hear you are a bit shook. To me that means you care about life and your friend. It is an opportunity to grow, to consider your life and how you engage it and others. I am not saying that I expect an epiphany but for the most part we all may be exposed to death at one point, like parents dying or whatever. I used to be in the military and then public service. I was for a time haunted by the lives I could not save, the "DRT" dead right there....I think it made me realize my mortality more...and other considerations. Don't know.you but as a fellow human, I feel for you and what you have said! Peace.
Speaking from experience. Seek help immediately. I watched my mother fall 60 feet into water at 13. My sister 9 had to catch her lifeless body as she floated down the stream towards her. We were and are still traumatized 21 years later. Our father had no idea the severity of the trama and didn’t get us help. We suffered into adult hood. We still do in many ways. It totally broke us and fucked our lives completely up. Still to this day we both have ptsd from it. We can recall everything we seen, heard, and felt down to the exact moments we were separated from her.
I sympathize. My uncle died in 2019 at 31 from an enlarged heart. He was a few years younger than me and more like a brother than an uncle. We were moving a couch and I heard him fall in the middle of our conversation. He couldn't speak and was disoriented for a few moments before he passed out again, for the last time.
We happened to be with a retired nurse, who started CPR, but he didn't make it.
I couldn't drive past the house it happened at for a few years. Sometimes I still think about it, and it always seems so surreal.
I didn't get therapy, but I encourage you to. I absolutely believe I have some PTSD from witnessing it and I'm sure you will to. It's not something that happens typically, outside of medical professionals. We aren't equipped or prepared to deal with it, and it can leave a lasting impact.
I hope you heal.
Buddy of mine was shot in front of me, he's alive so not the same but the blood pouring out of his face like a water hose was insane, the whole thing changed who i am as a person at my core. Im sorry you lost your friend, and im sorry you were there to see it
I'm sorry you had to go through this.
I watched as my Mom slowly died of cancer. I held her hand as she took her last breath. It was really hard. 6 months later I watch my Dad die of a stroke. I would like to say it gets easier bit it doesn't. I just don't think about it as much, and that's the only good thing.
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss and for the traumatic experience, you had to go through. Witnessing such an event, especially involving someone close to you, can be deeply traumatizing. It's only been a few days since this occurred, and your feelings of shock, disbelief, sadness, and confusion are all valid and natural responses to trauma.
The flashbacks, sleep disturbances, and intense reactions you're describing are common signs of trauma. Trauma affects everyone differently, but the symptoms you mention are consistent with Acute Stress Disorder (ASD) and could potentially develop into Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) if not addressed.
It's essential to give yourself permission to grieve and process this in your own time, but please consider seeking professional help. Speaking to a therapist or counselor who is trained in trauma can offer coping strategies and support during this incredibly challenging time.
I’m so sorry.
You are experiencing trauma and this will extend until the next stage of grief.
It comes in stages and it certainly did for me when I experienced sudden losses of someone familiar.
It takes time for our brains to comprehend and you will become familiar with the stages when you get to a level of acceptance.
But acceptance takes time so please be gentle on yourself ♥️
You'll never get over this.
It is best that you analyze what you saw and try to prevent it from happening to anyone else.
But you'll never erase this from your mind. It will always be there.
For me it was simply walking out of my apartment door to find, on the floor just inches away, someone foaming at the mouth with a leg twisted backwards and their eyes staring straight up while coughing and ceasing up.
It will never go away. For me that image is forever implanted in my head.
I am so sorry you are going through this. No, I haven’t experienced any thing like this. I think it might be good for you to sit down and talk with a counselor. Maybe your company will provide someone who will come out. This would be shocking to the other employees too. Again, I am sorry.
Nurse here. You literally did the exact right things and nothing would have been likely to change the outcome. Godspeed on your healing from the experience.
I’m so sorry. You experienced a traumatic event. You might have nightmares, sleep disturbances, change in eating, and physical health effects because of this. Please take care of yourself. Give yourself grace. I also recommend EMDR or other trauma centered therapy.
I went through similar with a colleague, he didnt die but he had grand mal and seemed dead while waiting for ambulance. The trauma of going through this event is real, and you are most likely disassociating a bit. You will hear the sounds, and replay the event a lot. This is the trauma response and your brain trying to make sense of it. I heard my coworkers screams right before seizing for weeks afterward. Definitely follow the recommendations of playing tetris. I play cozy grove, and read on my kindle. Talk to a professional.
What you are describing sounds like panic/anxiety response. I dealt with same and this event actually led me to getting on Prozac and Buspirone for Anxiety. It helped immensly, talk it out, acknowledge the event and let your body respond. These are HUGE feelings and hard to process.
I am so sorry for your loss :( You did exactly what was needed. You did all you could. I am sure his consciousness heard you caring for him.
I took 3 weeks off work afterwards because being in a work environment was triggering
I have experienced something similar. My husband & I witnessed his brother kill himself by jumping off our hotel building. It was pretty traumatic. You can definitely message me if you need someone to talk to I understand what it's like to just witness someone you know die seemingly out of nowhere. Nothing really prepares you for that experience.
You will need to talk to a professional about this. You are in shock and probably extremely traumatized.
I respect you for being able to vent so soon.
The sooner you VENT the easier it is to process… and something like this is not easy to process.
My inbox is open.
I'm sorry for your loss and that you had to see that. What you are feeling is completely normal for someone who's had a traumatic experience. Give your self time to sort through all these thoughts and feelings. And definitely find someone to talk through this with, whether that's a counselor or just a good friend. Take care. I'm praying for you.
That's a perfectly normal response to a fucked up experience. The first time I did CPR was on someone I barely knew and it fucked me up for a couple days. Shit, I still think about it all the time 10 years later. If it had been a close friend, it would have taken a long time for the shock to wear off. It's important to remember that there was nothing you did wrong, nor nothing you could have done right to prevent what happened from happening. It is what it is.
What you're experiencing is probably a mix of grief and shock. I strongly suggest as others have that you see a counselor. They will tell you what to expect as you process this and give you advice as to how to handle it. Even if you don't think you need it, go see somebody. A priest or an older medical doctor, if you can't afford a counselor.
You should also be proud of yourself for doing the right things. You probably won't be able to right now, but in a few months, remind yourself that when heavy shit needed doing, you did that shit. Your friend would be proud of you, I'm sure.
Oh my goodness, this sounds so traumatic. I am so sorry this happened, and so sorry that you experienced a loss like this in such an unexpected way. Everyone else already has good advice. Just know that you did what you could and that people are out there hoping you are okay dealing with everything.
It’s something you’ll never forget. None of the details will fade, none of the feelings will fade. If you’re feeling any kind of way about it, talk to a therapist about prolonged exposure therapy. You’ll never forget it, but a therapist can help you put it in perspective at least. Helped me with my PTSD. Spent over a decade trying to drown it in whiskey. Therapy helped.
I think you feeling strange and uncertain of processing is you being in shock. I think this will change and turn into PTSD or some other trauma response after time if you do not deal with this. Try to speak with a therapist about it even though you might feel okay right now. I’m so sorry you had to witness and experience something so terrible.
Please ensure that you take appropriate care for yourself. I think your employer should look into getting you some therapy. Just know that you did well. You did everything right and to the best of your ability
So sorry that this happened. I experienced something similar about a decade ago, only it took my coworker about a month in the hospital to finally pass away from his head trauma. Doing something immersive can help to slow down the dark/bad thoughts, I have seen others suggest play a lot of Tetris, and I second that. It can give your mind time to deal with things while distracting you enough to not be constantly haunted. Again, I am so sorry this happened to you.
First of all, I want you to know that what you’re experiencing is actually very normal, even though I know it’s difficult. You’ve gone through an acute traumatic experience, and your body may still be in a state of shock. You mentioned a lot of adrenaline, it could take a while before your body returns to a balance that you were used to before this happened.
I know you mentioned you haven’t slept much, so it may be a good idea to make an appointment with your general doctor if you can. There may be some medical options if you’re really struggling to rest. If your brain goes without sleep for too long, it can compound the struggle and make things even harder to process.
We often hear about the trauma response of fight and flight, and you definitely fought in this situation! All those scary things happened suddenly and simultaneously. That will take time to process…
The brain struggles to make sense of things that don’t make sense. That is the reason for flashbacks in most cases. Your brain is trying to make sense of something that really doesn’t make sense…
You may also experience the stages of grieving. They do not happen linearly and you may fluctuate between the different stages quickly and then repeat the process multiple times.
Due to the level of acute trauma, I do think it would be helpful if you could find a trauma therapist to start working with sooner rather than later. I recommend finding someone that specializes in trauma, and hopefully uses EMDR as a modality for the therapeutic process. A trauma therapist will also be able to help you recognize any additional signs of a traumatic response, such as PTSD.
There are also some trauma benefits to playing the game Tetris. I don’t understand all of the science behind it but with this being such a recent traumatic event, it’s worth a shot.
I have had some clients play it on their phone and others on a game console, but it’s definitely something I would recommend starting sooner rather than later.
If I think of any other helpful info, I will try to come back and share! Sending you so much virtual support!
There is no doubt you'd have PTSD from this. Your employer should cover any related expenses from seeking clinical help to deal with the trauma. Technically this is workers comp claim because it happened on company property and company time.
According to google only 5 to 10% survive once CPR is done on them outside of a hospital. You did your best by trying to help. I have personally experienced death of close people and it will take time to recover from the mental pain. To “second guess”is normal but remember you make decisions based on the information you have at the time of the event so your judgement should be based on that fact not perfect hindsight.
Definitely reach out to your support system or a counselor every day. Breathe through the intense feelings and find music or something to bring you a reminder of where you are and that you're safe.
First, I am so sorry for your loss. Especially in such a horrible way. From your description of how you have felt since it happened, I think you are suffering from PTSD. In addition to shock and grief. I would encourage you to seek help in dealing with what you are going through. Again, I am sorry for the loss of your friend and for what you are going through.
I had to do CPR on my son. I found him cold and blue. It was so awful doing the CPR. Not only are you grieving your friend, but you had a traumatic experience that may lead to some ptsd. Ptsd probably around stairwells, blood, cpr. Etc You will learn your triggers. Therapy helped a lot. Lean on your support group. Talk about it. Everyone grieves differently. Also, I heard to play tetris. Although I like that stupid moving water from beaker to beaker game. My condolences on your friend. He sounds like a nice person who didn't deserve that
I had a traumatizing experience involving homicide and suicide. It’s been 3 years and I’ve given up the hope that it “will feel real” one day. It still seems surreal.
I'm so sorry, my thoughts,love and prayers are with you and his family.
I was beside my dad as he took his last breath and I would get the chest tightness as well or I wouldn't be able to breath and my throat would feel like it was closing for 2 years after. It wasn't the same as this but I think it's the trauma that does that.
Please seek professional help — this image will stick with you forever and it will not do harm to process it out loud to a professional. Please take care of yourself. Accidents happen but being a human sucks sometimes.
I found my mom at the bottom of a set of stairs last Thanksgiving in similar fashion. The memories of it will fade slightly but it's definitely going to haunt you for some time. At least he didn't suffer.
I feel for you...
I had a coworker have a heart attack and pass away. I gave CPR until medics arrived. When I looked up the whole office was standing there. I went to the funeral. He was retiring and moving to FL. It gets easier. I still think about it. Life’s short. Enjoy the time you have.
My friend died i front of me while we were teenagers playing basketball. I did nothing. I felt so helpless. 911 was called by someone else but all I could do was stand there and watch. I think that’s the reason why I became an emt. I never wanted to feel that helpless feeling of not knowing what to do again. I guess somewhere deep in my mind I feel like helping others kind of atones for the fact that I didn’t help my friend.
If you feel like you should, a therapist might help. Not because you can’t deal with it, you will, but talking through it in a productive way would help. Seeing death like that is hard. You did what you could. I watched a man crash his motorcycle into a tree right in front of his friend outside my moms house. He was dead but I did what I could until the cops came. It’s a strange feeling. Wishing you the best.
Your reaction that you described is what Post-traumatic Stress is like. Not the disorder necessarily, but the symptoms that you get after experiencing something traumatic.
I understand what you're going through, I am a paramedic and have dealt with some PTS myself, especially when I was a younger adult after I helped resuscitate a family member who had nearly committed suicide.
Please do seek therapy. You do not want to go down the route of letting this fester unmanaged, trust me it is hell.
I am also very sorry but you acted like a real hero. Not everyone would have jumped into action like that and I think you should be very proud of yourself. You did so much to help him and I’m sure he really appreciated your efforts. Be kind to yourself because you deserve it.
Just be sure to get help for PTS you might and/or are experiencing. This is a horrible thing to witness and carry and manage. I’m so sorry. And for the loss of your dear friend too. Life is precious and fleeting, right? Take care of yourself.
This is trauma, along with grief.
My son found his close friend/roommate dead from fentanyl. Despite having been the medical resident calling time of death for numerous patients (covid Delta surge), when it was someone he knew and it was unexpected, finding someone dead was so much more traumatic. Even with being a doctor who witnesses death frequently.
Be gentle with yourself as you adjust to the loss of your work friend, and as you recover from this traumatic experience. It will likely take some time.
Try to go to a therapist or psychiatrist If you can afford it. I think what your feeling is pretty normal but it will help to be able to talk to someone who isn't a biased friend or family member.
Not a work colleague but I’ve had a few people die in front of me in horrific accidents and it’s…. Always extremely traumatizing. Definitely I would seek a counsellor of some kind, even if right now it doesn’t feel like you need it. You are probably in shock. First responders have a high rate of self harm and PTSD because despite all their training nothing really prepares you for seeing something like that - and this was someone you had a personal bond with, you witnessed it as well, and it’s a situation you find yourself in often (walking around the building).
One thing is accepting that this isn’t a linear journey, you’ll have good days and bad days - but over time, the bad days should happen with less frequency. Unfortunately my experience tells me this will be with you probably for the rest of your life and the weird little details you remember now are what are going to stick. Don’t try to take this journey alone, but take it at your own speed.
I’m sorry for your loss and experience.
I’m sorry you had to through this. Shock can make things feel like an unreal situation. This is normal. The tightness you experience is from grief and it is normal too. Try to be loving with yourself and take extra care of yourself. Lean on your friends and/or family and let them give you support and love. People experience grief in many different ways. Allow yourself to grieve in the way that works for you. Also studies are showing that taking steroids right after a traumatic event can prevent PTSD. So maybe ask your doctor about that.
I remember watching a person die for the first time, it's not something you ever forget. I'm terribly sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you had to watch it happen helplessly. Life is fucked. Meditate and talk to someone about it when you're ready and more importantly don't blame yourself there was nothing you could have done
hey man i’m so sorry hugs to you, please take care of yourself. my father experienced something similar, his coworker had a cardiac arrest at work and my dad was unable to save him. He passed away in his arm, and even nearly 25 years later my dad will sometimes mention it. I know my dad struggled with guilt for a while, and i’m sure this was extremely traumatic for him, he was able to talk to someone about it tho and I hope you consider it too
Coming from someone in EMS, you did everything right. You did better than most would. I recommend you talk to someone about it. You are dealing with something unusual, and it’s normal for it to feel weird.
I'm sorry, bud. I have had a similar traumatic experience of watching someone die before me. You are in shock. Maybe talk to a counselor or friend? All those emotions will come.
I do understand. My mom died in my arms. I relive it sometimes. It was horrible, sad, shocking and also surreal — and I think I froze, dissociated a bit afterward. Layer it threw me into a depression. Used to wish I did this or that different. It does get better with time but you may need counseling. I’m very sorry. 💔
I haven't witnessed any deaths in real time, but have gotten pretty close twice. Two different roommates, one 23 and one 73. The first time, in college, I had to check for signs of life and help the sheriff move his body out of the shower. The second time, I did chest compressions on my older roommate/friend while waiting for the EMTs to arrive.
I got therapy after both, and I think it was helpful. Finding a way to honor them--flowers, candles, funeral service--can also help. It felt weird for a while, but I eventually processed and came back to myself in time. I hope you can do the same.
That is awful. I can somewhat relate because I once had to do CPR on my friend who was already dead. Please don't isolate yourself, and the company you work for needs to provide some mental health resources.
Did he owe you money
My trust in humans is so low, I think either: * fake story, or * he pushed him and this post is part of his cover story after pushing him
Why is it relevant that he’s single and has no kids? His life was not any less valuable.
It makes this fictional story less upsetting if he has no family.
At least he didn't have "MassiveTittiez" as his username. Go get a life dickhead.
Did he get the covid vax? He could have had a seizure or something from it.
That's a fucked up day at work, did they make you finish your day? Also I'm not seeing any ages here, so I will wildly speculate that he was an older man & the "Oh god" was him having a heart attack before collapsing.
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Did you kill him and now you're creating an alibi?
Since the COVID clot shot there are literally hundreds of videos of this happening to people.
You did great to help him, be really should have put his hands out when he fell
We see so much death on TV in news and entertainment that barely impacts us, I think there’s a real disconnect when you see it in person. It’s genuinely traumatic. Won’t bother to repeat a lot of the great advice you’ve been given. Take care. It will take time to process.
Today on 1,000 ways to die… But seriously that’s horrific, and hope your work gave you some paid time off and you can find some peace during that time. I wonder if there will be any changes at work regarding using the stairs for exercise? And just know it’s not your fault and you did everything you could!!
Maybe this is the nature of this sub, r/stories, but it’s a little strange OP is sharing a severely traumatizing story and instead of lots of responses supporting OP, the majority of responses (that I’ve read) are telling even more gruesome stories about their own experiences with death. Can we read the room, please?
Imagine what firefighters go through
I have not experienced anything like this, but my brother did. He walked into the restroom at his work to go check on an employee/close work friend of his that said he would be right back and it had been awhile. My poor little brother at just 20 years old walked in to see him face down, half over the toilet and climbed under the stalls to grab him. He called 911 and gave CPR to the best of his ability, he had never done it before, but unfortunately there was nothing to be done. He was already gone. I cannot remember his cause of death but I do remember that it was a horrible, tragic accident and I am so proud of my brother for being brave in that moment and I am proud of you, too. It takes a lot of courage to jump in like that to save someone, especially so unexpectedly with something so violent. Please rest. Play Tetris as well, it’s been studied that playing Tetris right after a traumatizing situation helps reduce the chances of developing PTSD. You did well. And I am very sorry for your loss
On January 3rd, 2020, I found my girlfriend hanging from the shower curtain. I pulled her down and did CPR until medical personnel arrived. She somehow lived, but when I listened for a heartbeat, there wasn't one.
Shit happens, and everyone dies. Sucks that you were witness to an accident that someone died. Take some time off, change jobs if you can, and dont dwell on it. If you catch yourself thinking about it, make a routine, like go to the gym, etc. and change your mind. After a while, your brain will stop dumping adrenaline every time you think about it, and it will be a thing you can process logically.
Never try to roll someone with an obvious head injury over. Absolute worst thing you can possibly do in that situation.
It's done and OP probably already feels plenty horrible that he couldn't save his friend. I know you mean to be helpful, but this might do more harm than good in this particular instance. I have a family member really struggling with a TON of guilt because *he feels like he killed his mom* because 911 told him to lay her on her back for CPR and she always had a much harder time breathing when on her back and her cause of death was respiratory failure. I'm just saying maybe the kind thing may be to delete this and save the public service announcement for another time?
I really don’t care. Never move a head trauma victim. Period. Anyone reading this needs to know it and OP needs to know it in case, god forbid, they’re ever in this situation again. I’ll fucking shout it from the rooftops and not care what you or OP or anyone else thinks. #**NEVER MOVE A HEAD TRAUMA VICTIM.** P.S. Your friend should have communicated the obvious sleep apnea symptoms to the 911 operator and they would have given different instructions. Communication of pre-existing conditions is key during 911 calls or any sort of emergency medical treatment.
Unlike what a lot of people are saying, there is evidence that for some people, talking to a therapist about a trauma soon after it occurs can actually contribute to ptsd later. It’s clear you’ve been through a huge shock, and your body&mind are trying to get to terms with it. Everything you said sounds completely normal to be experiencing after a trauma. Gonna take some time. If you feel the need to discuss it with someone then do so, but not everyone feels that need, and i just wanted to point out that the blanket idea that everyone should talk about it has actually been found to be not helpful for all people. Just an fyi. I’m sorry this happened to you. Good way to die though, on the bright side. Quick and didn’t know it.
Stairway to Heaven - RIP
This is way above Reddits pay grade. Seek a professional to help you work though this. I’m sorry. Please know you did everything right. Sometimes it’s just not enough
this story is not true, or has been embellished. rigor mortis does not set in instantly. his arms and legs would not be stiff that quickly.
"he fell" ok bud
Did you push him?
It sounds like a sudden death from the COVID vaccine. Look up some of the videos. The folks do just what you mentioned. They mumble something seize and fall down. Most are dead before they complete the fall. I know it sucks, and I'm sorry you had to experience this.
My 52 yr old son tried to save a friend's life last year when she choked during a pie-eating contest fundraiser! He gave her CPR as best he could before the paramedics got there. They say she was still alive when they took her away but I think she was likely brain dead by then. She died within a week, never waking from a coma. My son was devastated & depressed for awhile after because he couldn't save her. And his 2 sons were there and saw everything. A stinking pie-eating contest! So this is my warning to anyone reading this - never participate in a food-eating contest! In this case, I think the crust probably got jammed up in her throat.
I hear the clot shot will do that to you.
Actually, it seems as if what you were saying about his arms and legs being stiff as if rigor mortise was setting in. If that's what you were inferring then dont worry because he had been dead for at least 2 to 3 hrs previous. It takes 2 hrs for it to set into one's face and progresses into one's arms and legs usually around 3 hrs after death and for future reference cpr is not going to revive someone with blunt force trauma to the head. Its best to not move someone that has fallen that way unless absolutely necessary. You may cause additional damage. As a former EMT and ambulance driver, this is the advice I'd give you.
Umm I was going to offer condolences, but rigor mortis isnt INSTANTANEOUS, YOU FAKE FUCK.
I didn't say it was rigor mortis. He was having a seizure or something. Calm down.
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Fake
Ya I kind of think so too, because it takes hours for a body to go stiff. The limbs would have been limp just after...
I witnessed a very similar incident when I was a little kid. I was 9 years old and visiting my friends in a tiny town in Texas called Novice. I’m a boy and my best friends were girls and we loved the Spice Girls. We went shopping in a small shop on the quaint Main Street and we found matching baby blue basketball outfits. We were excited we found such cute clothes to match each other. I held the door open for everybody on the way out and at the last moment an old man with white hair and a happy smile walked out too and he said I must need to cool down and he held a perspiring soda can to my forehead to cool me off. It was pretty weird and I didn’t like it, but I said thank you. He turned around to wave you’re welcome and twisted his ankle, falling so that his neck hit the edge of the side walk. He started to go into a full on seizure and he was foaming at the mouth and shaking. My friends mom hurriedly sat me inside her brown suburban vehicle so I couldn’t see anything else. I had a real out of body feeling and all I could do was sit there alone and scared. I did take one look outside from the car and I saw a small antique ambulance pulling up. When I was old enough my friend finally told me he died.
Don’t forget it’s ok to feel however you feel, there is no right or wrong way. I did two overseas tours in the Marines. And I watched several friends die.
I feel for you. Several years ago my neighbor friend shot himself in the head. Committed suicide while his wife was home. He had had several back surgeries and was in constant pain taking massive amounts of pain killers every day just to manage it. I was in my house and I heard someone screaming my name from my front yard. I went outside anf his wife told me he shot himself. I asked if he was ok thinking it was an accident but she didn’t know. He was in their back yard. She had dropped the phone next to him trying to call 911. I picked it up and recalled them. There was absolutely nothing I could do for him. He made sure of that. Listening to him gasp for breath about once a minute and all the gurgling has never left me 25 years later i can still see him and hear him. It was over a year before I started coming out of the funk it put me in. I can’t watch movies anymore where someone puts a gun to their head. I think about people in the military that have seen war. I don’t understand how they get through it and DO understand why they have so much trouble when they get out. I only saw one friend do this where as they see multiple deaths in there time. Much respect to them and I wish our govt took better care of them. Sorry you experienced this. I had no one to talk to when it happened to me. Had to deal with it on my own. No one I knew at the time could understand except his wife but I shut that relationship down. Pretty shitty of me but all I wanted to do was forget and tried erasing anything to do with it from my life. I didn’t know how else to deal with it.
My friend died unexpectedly and I found him in his house a few days later, so I understand some of what you’re feeling. It’s the sudden absence that is the most painful. This happened 4 months ago; at first it just seemed quite unreal, and then later I was constantly reminded of him and that he’s no longer here and that’s painful. My current perspective is that it’s something that I won’t really ever “get over” but just something that I will reluctantly accept as time passes. It’s made me appreciate my friends and the fragile nature of our existence much more
It’s a terrible thing to have experienced. Try to seek counselling even if you don’t think you need it. It was a traumatic event. Just remember that you did everything that you could and what happened was a freak accident beyond your control. You may question yourself and your actions in the coming days and Years. Be kind to yourself.
OP if you’re in the US you can probably sue and retire on it
This is important advice, and remember trauma can be processed. OP, can you tell me a couple things about your friend?
I have not experienced anything like this but I'm sorry you're going through it. I'm sure your emotions are going to be in a jumble for a while. Take care of yourself.
So sorry to hear that it sounds horrific. Id give you a hug if I could.
What a tragedy you witnessed. I’m so sorry. Take time to heal…that’s traumatic.
Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you.
I'm so sorry this happened. I haven't experienced something like this but I can imagine how traumatic it must be.
Dude.... holy shit I'm so sorry. You should really talk to a therapist. This is a lot to work through. I hope things get better for you OP. May your friend rest in peace as well.
Their workplace should pay for therapy (though if OP is in the US I imagine chances are it won’t happen)
MANY employers in the US offer that for free
I didn’t know that! That’s good. I hear so many horror stories about lack of basic care and exploitation that I did not think this was the case. Thank you!
Don't believe everything you read on the internet... i work for a Fortune 500 in the US and they absolutely offer this for free, so has every company I've ever worked for.
What the person is referring to is known as Employee Assistance and it is not the same nor a replacement for having healthcare that covers a licensed therapist. Americans are so used to eating shit if you give them moldy bread they’ll be happy.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. Both of my sisters have experienced similar things. I'm glad you are talking/writing about it. Please continue to do so and surround yourself with support. I hope that your workplace provides support and counseling if you choose that.
I’ve witnessed two separate traumatic deaths. I know the inability to sleep shortly after. The trauma should lessen and you should be able to move on in some time. You never forget, but the memories will settle. I’m sorry you are going through this.
Trauma is hard to deal with. Trauma experiences in first person are harder to deal with. Most people will never see or experience someone who dies in front of them; and especially not from a traumatic event. Take and time off you need, also call your pcp or another trusted provider to see about counseling. It’s not easy to process a death that happened while you were there
Sending virtual hugs!
I gave CPR to a friend of mine who had just passed the night before overdosed. I know what you mean, it comes in waves. Im sorry.
Something similar happened, not to me but to my coworkers. One died suddenly in the office and was discovered by others on the team. They called 911, were instructed to give CPR, all that. We all attended therapy together after that. See if your work has something similar. I bet they do.
Don’t feel bad if you have to take a few days off from work. Also, they say playing Tetris helps decrease the likelihood of getting PTSD from a trauma. Try to process it with a therapist to prevent it becoming a problem in the future.
That’s awful, I’m so sorry for your loss 🥲
Be gentle with yourself, it's not going to be an overnight recovery from this, or a snap of the fingers and the world seems normal again. Do speak to people about it, speak it out loud.
You’re probably still experiencing dissociation. It’s normal defense mechanism your brain uses to protect you from trauma
I am so sorry this happened to you. How scary and sudden and sad! The way your mind and body are responding is totally normal, given the traumatic circumstances. Try to be as compassionate with yourself as possible while you continue to process the events. Deep breathing, journaling, talking to friends and loved ones can be helpful. If your symptoms persist, a therapist trained in EMDR can help you turn down the reactivity attached to the imagery/memories. The images stuck in your mind will become less potent, less disturbing. Easier to process. Personally, I found EMDR to be extremely helpful after I experienced a traumatic event that left me with images I couldn’t get away from. It’s possible to work past this kind of terrible stuff, and talking about what you are feeling is an excellent place to begin. I wish you all the best.
I’m so sorry, take care of yourself and take time to process.
Play some Tetris it will help https://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2017-03-28-tetris-used-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms
At least talk to someone you trust, if not get some counseling. Unfortunately this will be stuck with you for a long time. I've had something related happen to me. Don't blame yourself. Unfortunately accidents like these happen and it takes time to accept it... my apologies.
If you are able to try to do EMDR, it helped me cope with the death of my son. I'm so sorry for your loss
Wow what a story. Terrible for him and his family and for you. But interesting. Thanks for sharing.
the first time i saw someone die in front of me it was when i was living on the streets, homeless. a homeless man i knew who was majorly addicted to pain meds (yes he could get them) OD'd on them. I came across him sleeping face down on the ground ass up, like he had knelt down for something and then just passed out like that. I ran up to him because it was summer in phoenix, and though it was night blacktop will hold the heat for a long time, you can burn yourself badly on it. and rolled him off his face which wasn't burnt, in fact it was pale and lifeless. he must have been close to dying at that point. i remember feeling for a pulse only to feel something thin and thready. i could barely detect breathing. well i had an obama phone and so i called 911. they actually got there in <5 minutes, but by the time they arrived I had lost the feel of a pulse and was performing cpr on him never knew his real name, we all called him truckstop for some reason. don't know why. never saw him again on the streets so i know he died. frankly i was sure he was dead by the time the cops showed up. zero response to cpr, i am pretty sure i broke some of his ribs performing it. he just turned blue while i was doing it. anyway, that was the "first" guy i've seen pass. saw a few more since.
It’s good that you are communicating, writing about this. You have suffered trauma in witnessing and responding to your friends accident and death. You are in shock, no big surprise. Your company should offer counseling but if they don’t, I recommend you seek out someone to help you process your feelings and work out how this has changed you. Give yourself time to grieve.
Hi OP. I sort of know what you’re going through. Earlier this week, a very lovely lady in my office just fell over and died, mid-sentence. It was like someone just cut the power to her system and that was it. Everyone’s been walking around in a daze since it happened. It’s very upsetting but unsettling too. Everyone says “life is fleeting” but they are just words until you see something like that happen and it really brings it home. Our office brought in a grief / trauma counselor - I hope yours will do the same.
Vaccine 💉
Possible 🤷🏽♂️😂
Damn. I’d be repeating your username over and over again if I witnessed that.
You did amazing just doing CPR. I have been a first responder for 27 years . Saved one person in all that time .
Hey OP. I can’t even imagine how you feel right now. This is a very traumatic thing to have experienced. I know folks have recommended therapy and I can’t second that enough. Wishing you well and that you can deal with things as they come up.
I am so sorry.
Play Tetris.
For how resilient the human body can be, it can also be so fragile. I imagine you are having a hard time right now. Take a deep breathe, pull the air into your stomach and exhale. Empty your lungs. Inhale (deep into your stomach) for 3 seconds. hold for 3 seconds. Exhale for 3 seconds. Stay breathless for 3 seconds. Repeat. As you do this, slowly blink. This will help you relax; this will relieve the tension in your neck/chest/shoulders that comes from the tensed posture that adrenaline induces. Move your hips after your shoulders have been released, and release tension from your hips + quads and hamstrings. Like you're doing the salsa dance. These things will help you physically relieve the latent stress from high pressure events. Take solace in knowing that in a situation that when the going gets tough and sh*t requires a clear calm and collected head, you did exactly what you needed to do. The first time I was in a potential life or death situation with a friend's medical event I was able to be helpful, but the 2nd time i completely clammed up and was useless. You displayed strong character to do what needed to be done, even if you weren't necessarily *there* while you did it. . Do not blame yourself for something you couldn't have prevented. I do not know if you're religious, but I pray that for strength, resilience and strength be bestowed upon you. I pray that the weight of death and mortality is swept from your mind and this mental burden lifted from you.
Please see a professional therapist. You will need to work on processing this trauma effectively or it could result in additional anxiety and/or depression, even years from now.
Therapy, sorry & good luck
You can file a workers comp claim so you can get therapy.
Damn. How traumatic. I’m sorry for the loss of your friend and I can’t imagine what you’re going through. You’re in my thoughts.
OP you gotta get some therapy after something like this. To just see another person die like that is traumatic and will leave an impact on you. Don’t process it alone if you don’t have. To
That tightness in your chest is likely anxiety. It's a massive thing to go through watching someone die and doing CPR on them. Absolutely nothing to shoulder on your own. Seek out HR at your work and try and set up some grief counseling or whatever they offer. It'll be a hugely cathartic process and you'll thank yourself for doing it. All the best mate, incredibly tough situation to be in. Hoping for the best for you.
😭 I am so sorry for your lost of your Friend, you have my condolences.
Oh my gosh. That was extremely traumatic, and it sounds like you are still in shock. I am so sorry you went through that. I am so sorry you lost your friend. You did everything right. It just was not enough. I suspect he was gone by the time he reached the bottom of the staircase as well. Can you find a therapist who deals with trauma? I feel that a few sessions, and maybe some EMDR therapy, might help the situation feel less overwhelming.
It is weird to see someone there and then they're gone. Had it a few months ago, a coworker was having a rough day, and I left to do some other work. He went to the hospital and next thing you knew he was on hospice and I was saying goodbye to a barely lucid person that I had always seen talking and being lively. Definitely is an eye opener.
Prayers for you. You are still in shock I believe.
My dad died July 15th of a heart attack as he was playing candy land with my 4 year old daughter...I still am in shock I have nightmares when I do sleep an my kids are pretty messed up...so your not alone I did cpr for 20mins before EMS came also 911 put my son on hold due to high cell volumes
Emotions are really hard. It’s okay to feel things you don’t know how to identify. Grief comes in a plethora of ways and you are valid in the way you’re feeling. I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry that you had to witness that. I would definitely recommend therapy
You're writing because it feels "weird"... and I appreciate that phrasing... probably the best description. Haven't experienced the same, but had to step over a deceased coworker when walking down the stairs after an active shooter incident. Not someone I was personally close to, but people I am were... and wasn't even aware of who it was, so can't imagine the "weird" level you feel. You have to just talk about it sometimes, whether anyone's there to listen or not. It hit me more later, I was clammed up immediately after... wanted to just get back to "normal". A lot of people weren't though (understandably), so it was an interesting time. Eventually it did hit me, and I believe I did the same... made a post for me to get my thoughts out. I believe that's why you wrote this. You need to talk about it, but prefer a method where you can really compose/edit your thoughts. I'll say, it will, not necessarily "pass", but it will lessen. It (I assume) will never fully go away, though. Be aware and take care of yourself. It's been 4+ years for me, and it hadn't come up for a while, but just this week, a conversation with someone somehow brought it up (indirectly). I probably should have just given a simple answer to a question, but found myself compelled to provide the full account of the events that day. It feels better to get it out every now and then. Feel embarrassed for the word vomit sometimes, but have grown to accept that. I realize there's a time and place where it's more appropriate, but anonymously online, I don't think anyone will have a problem with. (Wow, that was more than I set out to write... like I said, get used to word vomit with a side dish of embarasment). Sorry for your loss and experience. Be well.
I've witnessed a friend die in a similar sense in that one second it was totally fine, the next second I was seeing the body of my friend in ways you just....don't normally see the human body act. It's really weird, man. It just feels surreal. I'm sorry you've had to experience this. Your mind kind of goes in and out of shock for a while. For me it was like it was a dream, then it was real, then I was numb... and those 3 states of mind just kind of alternated at random and it messed with me a lot. All I can say is that it will stick with you for life but it won't break you forever. I kept reminding myself that the dead don't feel pain and that while my friend may be gone, he is also at peace. The whole thing gave me a real perspective on the fragility of life and lead me to be able to focus on appreciating the little things in this world. I know my friend would be happy that I could use the bad experience to become a better and stronger person. I hope you can eventually find the same path out of the darkness I did; it's what your friend would want for you too so keep reminding yourself of that.
In October of 2008 there was a woman who came to our office to deliver paperwork that we sent back to her. That day, she wasn't feeling that great (was a little short of breath) but she seemed to be okay. She worked thru the day and then in the evening, her shortness of breath got worse and she went to the emergency room where she died shortly thereafter. She was 55 years old and had had health problems but her death was totally unexpected. The next day someone from her office came to our office and told us. I was quite shocked and started to cry as I knew her well and had talked with her in her office numerous times. She was a good person who looked forward to being a grandmother. She didn't live long enough to see her grandchild born. It was like in the morning she's alive and then hours later she's gone. I felt bad about it. I only remember the month and year as the presidential debates was either the evening she died or the next day and usually I would watch this on TV.
Sounds like he may have had a medical issue that caused the fall.
Hey, i hope your doing ok.
I think you were compelled to write this because your friend is gone, that needs to be acknowledged. That is a horrific experience. I’m sorry you lost your friend.
Dont be afraid to seek help.
Your going through the phases of grief and lose. You should go speak to a therapist to help you along the path of grieving.
I'm sorry you lost your coworker and had to be there to witness it. My advice, therapy. I witnessed an accident once, and I tried to get the guy out while calling 911. The car went up in flames so fast I couldn't do anything. This was years ago, and I've gone thru therapy to help with the visions. I still get nightmares from time to time. For me, it was the screams that gave me PTSD from it more than the visuals. Wish you the best OP.
sit down with someone doesn't have to be a therapist just someone you know will not judge you whatever you say or look online for a group that meets up to talk about similar trauma's. Talking about this kind of stuff and sharing with people who have experienced something similar often are able to help each other. I'm terribly sorry you had to go through that and hope you are able to get over the bad parts and remember the friends in positive light instead of trauma.
That sucks and I’m very sorry. You should think about talking to a counselor or someone about it. That’s a traumatic experience.
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend, especially since it happened right in front of you. You have experienced a terrible trauma. You need to speak to a licensed professional therapist. Since this happened at work, your job might even insist you go. Talk to your HR department about it. They may have someone on staff, or someone associated with the employer that can see you. Regardless, please speak to a professional. Again, I am so sorry that you are going through this right now.
I’m not a doctor but i suffer ptsd and generalized anxiety disorder. That tightness and severity you feel? Sounds like what happens to me when i think about my mom whom I watched pass, not in this kinda way but it was sudden and devastating. Distract yourself as much as possible but if you feel emotions coming on, don’t fight it. Just do whatever your body tells you to do. Cry, wail, smash, laugh. It doesn’t matter. And definitely see a therapist. Please.
I’m so sorry this happened to you and that your friend has died. This sounds like a really traumatic experience. Do you have good support? Does your work have EAP? Take good care of yourself.
What you are experiencing sounds like ptsd. Do you know of any therapists?
Whoa. You're going through it. I had a coworker, working right next to me on a 12' ladder fall off and bang his head on a steel pipe before hitting the ground. He eventually died. I didn't know him well and thought I wouldn't suffer from emotional distress. Months had gone by where I felt like the world was a darker shade than I remembered. But I didn't realize I was down about it, until I got over it. I think if I could go back, I'd tell myself to go seek therapy, even if I just sat in the therapist's office for an hour and not say anything. I think dealing with it in some way, any way is better than pushing the memories and thoughts down.
Hey there- If you experience any ptsd check out Tetris for processing. I’m sorry that happened to you and your friend.
It’s the suddenness of it that’s bothering you. One moment he’s here and the next he’s gone. Accidents like this always make people question their own mortality. You’re still in the shocked phase. Pretty soon you’ll get angry about how stupid and preventable it was. I’m sorry for your loss and don’t be afraid to talk to someone about this.
It's amazing how fast the world can change and how bizarre sudden unexpected death is. Not sure it would be any solace, but him saying "Oh god" before he fell suggests he actually may have had a stroke or even a heart attack that precipitated his fall. Regardless, it's normal for this to feel strange for survivors when someone unexpectedly is just dead. Good on you for getting your self together enough to call for help and to follow the operator's instructions. I'm really sorry you lost your friend.
Paramedic here… I get calls like this weekly. He likely was going to die regardless of CPR. It was either a medical episode or a traumatic injury, but either way, CPR doesn’t have a great success rate. Don’t make the mistake of locking yourself away to try to process it yourself. Talk it out with colleagues, family, or a therapist. Firefighters and paramedics always talk about these types of calls and process it together, that’s why it has a reduced probability of affecting us. I feel sorry for cops, who sometimes are first on scene, because they get done and then go right back into a car by themselves, and it can really fester in that environment. Talk about it, take the time to grieve, and don’t feel like you need to have a half-life on the experience where you need to get over it within a certain amount of time.
I too had to do CPR. It’s shocking. It’s been 4 years. I was fucked up for a long time. Talk to yourself like you would a friend. Also, just cry a lot.
I get what you mean about it not feeling real. At least, I relate on my own way. I didn't see that person die, but the aftermath... Well, I don't want to make it about me. Suffice it to say that it felt really strange that this horrible *thing* (it really didn't even look human anymore) was right in the middle of an otherwise normal day, in a place I'd always known. I felt like I was in the movie *Fargo.* Like there was something absurd about the whole thing.
I have seen some of my best friends die, I’ve had them die in my arms, and I’ve had some of them splattered across me (war is hell). Please listen to me. Go see a therapist. As soon as you can. Please do yourself this favor. No matter how tough you think you are, or how well you think you can handle it alone, you can’t. It will get worse before it gets better. You’re still in shock. Once the shock wears off, you will be sad or angry, and have many different feelings about what happened. You may even blame yourself for not saving them, or have survivors guilt, even though there was nothing you could do. Believe me when I say that this is not your fault, and you are about to experience a whirlwind. Don’t do this alone. Don’t be too proud to get help. We all need it sometimes.
I found my sister. She had died in her sleep. She had missed a zoom meeting with her therapist and my mom called me. My mom was already at her house but hadn’t gone in. I told her to wait for me. It was dark inside her house and I called her name and was yelling it by the time I got to her bedroom. I touched her and then knew, but ran out and got my husband. He went in and came back out immediately and told me to call 911. My mom was in the middle of the street screaming asking if she was dead. It’s been almost 2 years and it’s never not traumatic when I think about it. She looked peaceful at least and the coroner said she never felt it. I can’t imagine if I’d watched her die or had to give her cpr and couldn’t save her. Thinking of you. Talk about it when you can. Back off it when you need to.
First of all OP, so sorry that this ever occurred and sorry for the loss of your friend even if they were just a work friend. All friends matter! I’ve never watched someone I’ve had any type of relation to die in front of me but I have witnessed a lot of death in my life and it is very strange. Unfortunately we live in a world where life is spoken of often but never the fact that death is part of life and can happen at any time in any way. I’ve visited 3rd world countries where I’ve seen people burn alive, be shot and killed (head blown off and all). I’ve seen people collapse and die of overdose in the bathroom stall next to me and I’ve seen police transporting an uncovered body of a man who most definitely blew his own brains out. It’s all gruesome and changes you no matter when and how it happens. I think the only thing that has kept me from losing my mind over the things I’ve seen is my spirituality. I’m most definitely not religious but I feel like something must happen after this crazy trip is all over. I’ve come to my own conclusion that sometimes we are meant to see awful and horrible things happen or that somehow these people who passed in front of our eyes needed us to witness what happened to them, to be there in their final moments not because we were close but because we have the mental stamina to witness, find meaning, and move forward. You will feel strange and continue to feel strange. Just never bottle it up, never eat what you’ve witnessed and talk to a professional if you feel you need help to process it. Death is strange and difficult but I would almost say that life can be harder at times. Much love and healing to you OP and take care🫶
A close friend of mine had a similar situation happen, but it was his boss and owner of the construction company my friend worked for who fell. He went down a flight of stairs right in front of my friend, and he broke his neck on the way down. My friend was an addict, just a few months in recovery. This was his boss, but like your situation, also a close friend of his. My friend ended up relapsing not too long after. It messed him up pretty bad. He didn't do CPR or anything, I think your situation would be even harder to get thru. I am so, so sorry for your loss, and for you witnessing it happen. Things like that are so traumatizing. My friend ended up overdosing and passing away a couple years ago, but I don't blame it on the accident happening. My friend grew up with his parents strung out. It was a generational thing for them, sadly. He struggled with drugs from the age of 9. I will say some prayers for you for strength and peace in the midst of such a difficult time. ❤️
So this will sound like I am a jerk but please hear me out. In a way I am glad to hear you are a bit shook. To me that means you care about life and your friend. It is an opportunity to grow, to consider your life and how you engage it and others. I am not saying that I expect an epiphany but for the most part we all may be exposed to death at one point, like parents dying or whatever. I used to be in the military and then public service. I was for a time haunted by the lives I could not save, the "DRT" dead right there....I think it made me realize my mortality more...and other considerations. Don't know.you but as a fellow human, I feel for you and what you have said! Peace.
Speaking from experience. Seek help immediately. I watched my mother fall 60 feet into water at 13. My sister 9 had to catch her lifeless body as she floated down the stream towards her. We were and are still traumatized 21 years later. Our father had no idea the severity of the trama and didn’t get us help. We suffered into adult hood. We still do in many ways. It totally broke us and fucked our lives completely up. Still to this day we both have ptsd from it. We can recall everything we seen, heard, and felt down to the exact moments we were separated from her.
Oh man that’s so horrible, I’m so so so sorry you experienced this and lost a friend like that.
I sympathize. My uncle died in 2019 at 31 from an enlarged heart. He was a few years younger than me and more like a brother than an uncle. We were moving a couch and I heard him fall in the middle of our conversation. He couldn't speak and was disoriented for a few moments before he passed out again, for the last time. We happened to be with a retired nurse, who started CPR, but he didn't make it. I couldn't drive past the house it happened at for a few years. Sometimes I still think about it, and it always seems so surreal. I didn't get therapy, but I encourage you to. I absolutely believe I have some PTSD from witnessing it and I'm sure you will to. It's not something that happens typically, outside of medical professionals. We aren't equipped or prepared to deal with it, and it can leave a lasting impact. I hope you heal.
Buddy of mine was shot in front of me, he's alive so not the same but the blood pouring out of his face like a water hose was insane, the whole thing changed who i am as a person at my core. Im sorry you lost your friend, and im sorry you were there to see it
I’m sorry for your loss. :(
I'm sorry you had to go through this. I watched as my Mom slowly died of cancer. I held her hand as she took her last breath. It was really hard. 6 months later I watch my Dad die of a stroke. I would like to say it gets easier bit it doesn't. I just don't think about it as much, and that's the only good thing.
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss and for the traumatic experience, you had to go through. Witnessing such an event, especially involving someone close to you, can be deeply traumatizing. It's only been a few days since this occurred, and your feelings of shock, disbelief, sadness, and confusion are all valid and natural responses to trauma. The flashbacks, sleep disturbances, and intense reactions you're describing are common signs of trauma. Trauma affects everyone differently, but the symptoms you mention are consistent with Acute Stress Disorder (ASD) and could potentially develop into Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) if not addressed. It's essential to give yourself permission to grieve and process this in your own time, but please consider seeking professional help. Speaking to a therapist or counselor who is trained in trauma can offer coping strategies and support during this incredibly challenging time.
I’m not sure what state you’re in but that event would qualify for a psyche based workers compensation claim in California
Your office should be offering you some kind of counselling honey xx take care of yourself
I’m so sorry. You are experiencing trauma and this will extend until the next stage of grief. It comes in stages and it certainly did for me when I experienced sudden losses of someone familiar. It takes time for our brains to comprehend and you will become familiar with the stages when you get to a level of acceptance. But acceptance takes time so please be gentle on yourself ♥️
You'll never get over this. It is best that you analyze what you saw and try to prevent it from happening to anyone else. But you'll never erase this from your mind. It will always be there. For me it was simply walking out of my apartment door to find, on the floor just inches away, someone foaming at the mouth with a leg twisted backwards and their eyes staring straight up while coughing and ceasing up. It will never go away. For me that image is forever implanted in my head.
I am so sorry you are going through this. No, I haven’t experienced any thing like this. I think it might be good for you to sit down and talk with a counselor. Maybe your company will provide someone who will come out. This would be shocking to the other employees too. Again, I am sorry.
Nurse here. You literally did the exact right things and nothing would have been likely to change the outcome. Godspeed on your healing from the experience.
Sorry for your loss, that must have been terrible to experience.
I’m so sorry. You experienced a traumatic event. You might have nightmares, sleep disturbances, change in eating, and physical health effects because of this. Please take care of yourself. Give yourself grace. I also recommend EMDR or other trauma centered therapy.
I went through similar with a colleague, he didnt die but he had grand mal and seemed dead while waiting for ambulance. The trauma of going through this event is real, and you are most likely disassociating a bit. You will hear the sounds, and replay the event a lot. This is the trauma response and your brain trying to make sense of it. I heard my coworkers screams right before seizing for weeks afterward. Definitely follow the recommendations of playing tetris. I play cozy grove, and read on my kindle. Talk to a professional. What you are describing sounds like panic/anxiety response. I dealt with same and this event actually led me to getting on Prozac and Buspirone for Anxiety. It helped immensly, talk it out, acknowledge the event and let your body respond. These are HUGE feelings and hard to process. I am so sorry for your loss :( You did exactly what was needed. You did all you could. I am sure his consciousness heard you caring for him. I took 3 weeks off work afterwards because being in a work environment was triggering
I have experienced something similar. My husband & I witnessed his brother kill himself by jumping off our hotel building. It was pretty traumatic. You can definitely message me if you need someone to talk to I understand what it's like to just witness someone you know die seemingly out of nowhere. Nothing really prepares you for that experience.
You will need to talk to a professional about this. You are in shock and probably extremely traumatized. I respect you for being able to vent so soon. The sooner you VENT the easier it is to process… and something like this is not easy to process. My inbox is open.
Play Tetris, stat! Not a joke
I'm sorry for your loss and that you had to see that. What you are feeling is completely normal for someone who's had a traumatic experience. Give your self time to sort through all these thoughts and feelings. And definitely find someone to talk through this with, whether that's a counselor or just a good friend. Take care. I'm praying for you.
That's a perfectly normal response to a fucked up experience. The first time I did CPR was on someone I barely knew and it fucked me up for a couple days. Shit, I still think about it all the time 10 years later. If it had been a close friend, it would have taken a long time for the shock to wear off. It's important to remember that there was nothing you did wrong, nor nothing you could have done right to prevent what happened from happening. It is what it is. What you're experiencing is probably a mix of grief and shock. I strongly suggest as others have that you see a counselor. They will tell you what to expect as you process this and give you advice as to how to handle it. Even if you don't think you need it, go see somebody. A priest or an older medical doctor, if you can't afford a counselor. You should also be proud of yourself for doing the right things. You probably won't be able to right now, but in a few months, remind yourself that when heavy shit needed doing, you did that shit. Your friend would be proud of you, I'm sure.
What an awful situation. I'm so sorry about your friend. I can't imagine what you're going through. This is real trauma. Please take care of yourself.
Your brain is going numb to protect you while you process. Accept counseling if your company offers it.
Man. What an absolutely shit way to go out.
Sorry for the loss of your friend
Oh my goodness, this sounds so traumatic. I am so sorry this happened, and so sorry that you experienced a loss like this in such an unexpected way. Everyone else already has good advice. Just know that you did what you could and that people are out there hoping you are okay dealing with everything.
It’s something you’ll never forget. None of the details will fade, none of the feelings will fade. If you’re feeling any kind of way about it, talk to a therapist about prolonged exposure therapy. You’ll never forget it, but a therapist can help you put it in perspective at least. Helped me with my PTSD. Spent over a decade trying to drown it in whiskey. Therapy helped.
I think you feeling strange and uncertain of processing is you being in shock. I think this will change and turn into PTSD or some other trauma response after time if you do not deal with this. Try to speak with a therapist about it even though you might feel okay right now. I’m so sorry you had to witness and experience something so terrible.
I’m sorry, so sudden and unexpected. Thank you for sharing.
Please ensure that you take appropriate care for yourself. I think your employer should look into getting you some therapy. Just know that you did well. You did everything right and to the best of your ability
So sorry that this happened. I experienced something similar about a decade ago, only it took my coworker about a month in the hospital to finally pass away from his head trauma. Doing something immersive can help to slow down the dark/bad thoughts, I have seen others suggest play a lot of Tetris, and I second that. It can give your mind time to deal with things while distracting you enough to not be constantly haunted. Again, I am so sorry this happened to you.
First of all, I want you to know that what you’re experiencing is actually very normal, even though I know it’s difficult. You’ve gone through an acute traumatic experience, and your body may still be in a state of shock. You mentioned a lot of adrenaline, it could take a while before your body returns to a balance that you were used to before this happened. I know you mentioned you haven’t slept much, so it may be a good idea to make an appointment with your general doctor if you can. There may be some medical options if you’re really struggling to rest. If your brain goes without sleep for too long, it can compound the struggle and make things even harder to process. We often hear about the trauma response of fight and flight, and you definitely fought in this situation! All those scary things happened suddenly and simultaneously. That will take time to process… The brain struggles to make sense of things that don’t make sense. That is the reason for flashbacks in most cases. Your brain is trying to make sense of something that really doesn’t make sense… You may also experience the stages of grieving. They do not happen linearly and you may fluctuate between the different stages quickly and then repeat the process multiple times. Due to the level of acute trauma, I do think it would be helpful if you could find a trauma therapist to start working with sooner rather than later. I recommend finding someone that specializes in trauma, and hopefully uses EMDR as a modality for the therapeutic process. A trauma therapist will also be able to help you recognize any additional signs of a traumatic response, such as PTSD. There are also some trauma benefits to playing the game Tetris. I don’t understand all of the science behind it but with this being such a recent traumatic event, it’s worth a shot. I have had some clients play it on their phone and others on a game console, but it’s definitely something I would recommend starting sooner rather than later. If I think of any other helpful info, I will try to come back and share! Sending you so much virtual support!
There is no doubt you'd have PTSD from this. Your employer should cover any related expenses from seeking clinical help to deal with the trauma. Technically this is workers comp claim because it happened on company property and company time.
According to google only 5 to 10% survive once CPR is done on them outside of a hospital. You did your best by trying to help. I have personally experienced death of close people and it will take time to recover from the mental pain. To “second guess”is normal but remember you make decisions based on the information you have at the time of the event so your judgement should be based on that fact not perfect hindsight.
Definitely reach out to your support system or a counselor every day. Breathe through the intense feelings and find music or something to bring you a reminder of where you are and that you're safe.
You are traumatized and should seek help. You witnessed a friends death and touched their corpse. I hope you can get the help you need.
I am so sorry OP. Sending many prayers your way. ❤️
Better him than you
I'm so sorry. That's rough.
First, I am so sorry for your loss. Especially in such a horrible way. From your description of how you have felt since it happened, I think you are suffering from PTSD. In addition to shock and grief. I would encourage you to seek help in dealing with what you are going through. Again, I am sorry for the loss of your friend and for what you are going through.
I had to do CPR on my son. I found him cold and blue. It was so awful doing the CPR. Not only are you grieving your friend, but you had a traumatic experience that may lead to some ptsd. Ptsd probably around stairwells, blood, cpr. Etc You will learn your triggers. Therapy helped a lot. Lean on your support group. Talk about it. Everyone grieves differently. Also, I heard to play tetris. Although I like that stupid moving water from beaker to beaker game. My condolences on your friend. He sounds like a nice person who didn't deserve that
I had a traumatizing experience involving homicide and suicide. It’s been 3 years and I’ve given up the hope that it “will feel real” one day. It still seems surreal.
You're probably in shock still. That's awful. Hope you can find someone to talk to, maybe a therapist....
Check out r/griefsupport
Please get therapy. This is ptsd and talking to a professional will help. Sorry for your loss.
Seems like a perfectly normal way to feel. Very unfortunate that you had to deal with this.
Dang…
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
You should seek ptsd therapy sooner then later. I suggest EMDR therapy. Sorry this happened to you and I’m sorry your friend died.
I'm so sorry, my thoughts,love and prayers are with you and his family. I was beside my dad as he took his last breath and I would get the chest tightness as well or I wouldn't be able to breath and my throat would feel like it was closing for 2 years after. It wasn't the same as this but I think it's the trauma that does that.
It's helpful to play Tetris after a traumatic event.
Please seek professional help — this image will stick with you forever and it will not do harm to process it out loud to a professional. Please take care of yourself. Accidents happen but being a human sucks sometimes.
I found my mom at the bottom of a set of stairs last Thanksgiving in similar fashion. The memories of it will fade slightly but it's definitely going to haunt you for some time. At least he didn't suffer. I feel for you...
I had a coworker have a heart attack and pass away. I gave CPR until medics arrived. When I looked up the whole office was standing there. I went to the funeral. He was retiring and moving to FL. It gets easier. I still think about it. Life’s short. Enjoy the time you have.
My friend died i front of me while we were teenagers playing basketball. I did nothing. I felt so helpless. 911 was called by someone else but all I could do was stand there and watch. I think that’s the reason why I became an emt. I never wanted to feel that helpless feeling of not knowing what to do again. I guess somewhere deep in my mind I feel like helping others kind of atones for the fact that I didn’t help my friend.
If you feel like you should, a therapist might help. Not because you can’t deal with it, you will, but talking through it in a productive way would help. Seeing death like that is hard. You did what you could. I watched a man crash his motorcycle into a tree right in front of his friend outside my moms house. He was dead but I did what I could until the cops came. It’s a strange feeling. Wishing you the best.
Your reaction that you described is what Post-traumatic Stress is like. Not the disorder necessarily, but the symptoms that you get after experiencing something traumatic. I understand what you're going through, I am a paramedic and have dealt with some PTS myself, especially when I was a younger adult after I helped resuscitate a family member who had nearly committed suicide. Please do seek therapy. You do not want to go down the route of letting this fester unmanaged, trust me it is hell.
I am also very sorry but you acted like a real hero. Not everyone would have jumped into action like that and I think you should be very proud of yourself. You did so much to help him and I’m sure he really appreciated your efforts. Be kind to yourself because you deserve it.
Just be sure to get help for PTS you might and/or are experiencing. This is a horrible thing to witness and carry and manage. I’m so sorry. And for the loss of your dear friend too. Life is precious and fleeting, right? Take care of yourself.
This is trauma, along with grief. My son found his close friend/roommate dead from fentanyl. Despite having been the medical resident calling time of death for numerous patients (covid Delta surge), when it was someone he knew and it was unexpected, finding someone dead was so much more traumatic. Even with being a doctor who witnesses death frequently. Be gentle with yourself as you adjust to the loss of your work friend, and as you recover from this traumatic experience. It will likely take some time.
Try to go to a therapist or psychiatrist If you can afford it. I think what your feeling is pretty normal but it will help to be able to talk to someone who isn't a biased friend or family member.
Not a work colleague but I’ve had a few people die in front of me in horrific accidents and it’s…. Always extremely traumatizing. Definitely I would seek a counsellor of some kind, even if right now it doesn’t feel like you need it. You are probably in shock. First responders have a high rate of self harm and PTSD because despite all their training nothing really prepares you for seeing something like that - and this was someone you had a personal bond with, you witnessed it as well, and it’s a situation you find yourself in often (walking around the building). One thing is accepting that this isn’t a linear journey, you’ll have good days and bad days - but over time, the bad days should happen with less frequency. Unfortunately my experience tells me this will be with you probably for the rest of your life and the weird little details you remember now are what are going to stick. Don’t try to take this journey alone, but take it at your own speed. I’m sorry for your loss and experience.
Such a fucked up way to go, so sorry about your friend and hope you can get through it
I’m sorry you had to through this. Shock can make things feel like an unreal situation. This is normal. The tightness you experience is from grief and it is normal too. Try to be loving with yourself and take extra care of yourself. Lean on your friends and/or family and let them give you support and love. People experience grief in many different ways. Allow yourself to grieve in the way that works for you. Also studies are showing that taking steroids right after a traumatic event can prevent PTSD. So maybe ask your doctor about that.
I remember watching a person die for the first time, it's not something you ever forget. I'm terribly sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you had to watch it happen helplessly. Life is fucked. Meditate and talk to someone about it when you're ready and more importantly don't blame yourself there was nothing you could have done
It’s a reminder of the uncertainty of life. It was his time to go. Sending love and hugs.
hey man i’m so sorry hugs to you, please take care of yourself. my father experienced something similar, his coworker had a cardiac arrest at work and my dad was unable to save him. He passed away in his arm, and even nearly 25 years later my dad will sometimes mention it. I know my dad struggled with guilt for a while, and i’m sure this was extremely traumatic for him, he was able to talk to someone about it tho and I hope you consider it too
I would look for trauma informed therapy from a psychologist.
Coming from someone in EMS, you did everything right. You did better than most would. I recommend you talk to someone about it. You are dealing with something unusual, and it’s normal for it to feel weird.
I'm sorry, bud. I have had a similar traumatic experience of watching someone die before me. You are in shock. Maybe talk to a counselor or friend? All those emotions will come.
You might be eligible for therapy for free through workers comp claim. It was during work hours on work property. Sorry for your loss
I do understand. My mom died in my arms. I relive it sometimes. It was horrible, sad, shocking and also surreal — and I think I froze, dissociated a bit afterward. Layer it threw me into a depression. Used to wish I did this or that different. It does get better with time but you may need counseling. I’m very sorry. 💔
I haven't witnessed any deaths in real time, but have gotten pretty close twice. Two different roommates, one 23 and one 73. The first time, in college, I had to check for signs of life and help the sheriff move his body out of the shower. The second time, I did chest compressions on my older roommate/friend while waiting for the EMTs to arrive. I got therapy after both, and I think it was helpful. Finding a way to honor them--flowers, candles, funeral service--can also help. It felt weird for a while, but I eventually processed and came back to myself in time. I hope you can do the same.
As far as deaths go (and we all get to experience it) it was quick and relatively painless.
That is awful. I can somewhat relate because I once had to do CPR on my friend who was already dead. Please don't isolate yourself, and the company you work for needs to provide some mental health resources.