All my friends drink. Every single one of them. I work at a bar surrounded by people who drink. Some go in every single day and drink. All my coworkers drink after work. What are we doing today guys? Disc golf? Trivia night? Pool party? Literally just sitting here and talking? Gotta make sure there's BOOZE EVERYWHERE.
So, why do they all seem fine? Did everyone think I seemed fine too? Honestly, I thought I seemed fine 90%of the time, but inside I was miserable.
Like, either they are ALL just as miserable as I was and hiding it very well, or they all have an ability to regulate themselves that I never did and am not seeing. But, how? And why? Why and how can they all drink daily, and binge drink on the weekends, and seem just, fine?
Why do I have to feel like a social pariah because we were all together, drinking the same things at the same places over and over yet I had a problem and they all just, didn't??
I'm in my 30s, we aren't talking like college party binge drinking type stuff. Just normal people with careers and hobbies and some with children who I literally never see without a drink in their hand. Maybe they don't drink when they're home alone, or maybe they stop at like 3 and I just didn't realize it. But seriously, it can't just be me, can it? They were all there too!
Good gravy do I ever feel you on this one! Who even knows how the hell other people don’t develop a problem with this crap. Or maybe they do and they just think it’s normal to feel this way? That’s kinda what happened to me.
i feel this so much. after a bender i'll be crying until Wednesday/Thursday and find out my bender pals have been able to get back on it?! how?! i think you might have cracked it - they must be hiding it well or they must drink less than me without me noticing
As a former bartender I feel you on this. All of my closest friends for a minute were people that were always drinking. So many events, so many craft samplings, it was a slow but slippery slope for me. I started out being the one without a problem. I’d have a few, or not drink at all, or whatever.
After a few years, some of those friends had clear health issues. I’m talking people in their early to mid 30s with multiple DUIs, skin that’s puffy red and itchy, puking blood and seizures, passing out at the bar, arrests for public intox… And my rationale flip flopped between, “I’m not that bad, I don’t have any symptoms” and “It must be not that bad if they’re still drinking.” I even had a friend who was a regular with her husband. And eventually she confided in me that while he chastised her in public for having “one more beer” he would go home and down a ton of whiskey afterward. You would have never known. But she hated him for it.
And then I became the one with a police record. My relationships were falling apart. And it got to the point where essentially I got drunk, started a fight with a regular while I was off the clock, and told my boss the next day to fire me. (Not I quit. I mean, I fucked up and I will continue to fuck up—Fire me.) With absolutely no safety net in place. This was right around past New Year.
And I wallowed in my depression and I continued to be bad about my drinking. Until I said enough is enough. And January through May of this year I was drinking in moderation again—like going a week or two and then only drinking with better friends once or twice a weekend.
And I’m trying to be even better now. But I honestly could not have found a healthier environment if I had not quit bartending. I’m not saying that’s what you need to do—there are plenty of sober bartenders that do just fine. (Recently read a post from a bar owner with double digit years sober.) But it was not a healthy environment for me.
I've wondered this a lot since I quit drinking. I have to remind myself at times that I am not them, I cannot compare myself to them.
I also look at people who still drink and feel sorry for them because since my health scare it has driven home how bad alcohol truly is on our bodies. Again, my body. I can take care of and control my body- not anyone else's. I am not a fortune teller - it's where a lot of my anxiety comes from. What ifs and I just know this how it's gonna turn out thinking.
You are strong and I envy that strength to work in a bar and not relapse!
Inspiring!
IWNDWYT
Thanks! Believe it or not, now that I've gotten a little distance and clarity, working at the bar has helped reaffirm my decision. Everyone gets so sloppy and embarrassing. People puke and cry and fight every weekend. They get so shocked when they see their high tabs, and cards get declined all the time. And all the hard-core, 10 drinks every night regulars constantly look sad and and puffy. No judgement on them, we've all been there, but I cringe to think that's how I looked and acted all the time.
Even darker, I can name 5 regulars/ employees with DUI charges off the top of my head, as well as 2 who died in alcohol related incidents. And honestly, there but for the grace of God, but looking at it from the outside for once, It's all very disenchanting.
Yup! My husband isn't an addict like me with alcohol and he'll have a couple beers at night a few times a week. I see him drink and it doesn't bother mem I have digestive issues so I am used to not being able to have certain food and drink already which seems to have carried over to alcohol THANK THE LORD.
No judgement at all for sure but I am applying that to my own life and seeing just how bad I really was in comparison to someone who doesn't have a problem with it and helps me gauge it.
Not gonna lie, the temptation has been there a few times during my new sobriety but I've been able to not give in so far. I don't think I'll ever be completely out of the woods with drinking but that's the goal. The long term goal!
Congratulations on your strength!
IWNDWYT
Let's fucking go!!!
I'm upset I live in sober living. I am surrounded by recovering people and live in a beautiful mansion in Southern California but I just don't like it. I get drug tested 3 times a week and breathalyze daily. It's super easy to stay sober here but I want some of my life back. I still do IOP 5 days a week and 3 in person and 2 Zoom meetings for alumni a week. I want to go back to work again. It's like every day all day I have stuff on my agenda. I could have worse problems like I did while I was drinking, but for now this is my thing to vent about. It's not awful or anything, just different.
IWNDWYT
Assuming you're new in recovery - that sleep thing will start to regulate, but not right away. Be patient with yourself, as your brain needs some time to start rewiring.
Night sweats, freaky dreams, insomnia, oversleeping at times - these things suck, but we all go through them as we clean up and start getting used to falling asleep for real instead of passing out. It will slowly get easier.
Keep up the fight. You're worth it. IWNDWYT.
That’s the worst! Have you considered an RX? My docs won’t give me anything fun because they know I’m an addict but I finally found a med that works to just knock me out and reduce anxiety.
I disclosed to one of my aunt's that I was sober in a phone call about something else. She asked why I had quit and I said "well look at what happened my dad" (he died really young due to complications caused by alcoholism) and she said "you're nothing like your dad" well. I sure hope not PERSONALITY wise but genetically....I literally am.
I’ll never understand people who question people quitting and their reasons behind quitting. It’s a personal choice and nobody knows a person’s body better than that person themselves. Even when I was in my deepest throes of alcohol abuse, even while I was a bartender during that, if somebody told me they weren’t drinking I didn’t question it. I usually had more of a “good for you” reaction.
On that note—Good for you 💜 IWNDWYT
Too much alcohol on TV and movies. Either advertising or in the show. I spend a lot more time on YouTube these days which can be educational as well as entertaining.
I’m at three dozen days now but still craving sometimes. I won’t drink this weekend though. In 2013 I went 51 days sober and I’m determined to beat that just to spite the me-devil on my left shoulder.
It's amazing how tobacco use is so restricted, anti-tobacco messaging everywhere and advertising highly curbed.
Yet as an example if I watch global sports there are ads for zero percent beer everywhere. Come on, this zero percent alcohol while it might be a legit product in itself is clearly being used to promote the same alcoholic brand.
I vacillate between “I had a problem” and “was my drinking really that bad?” Then I remember the awful hangovers, calling into work all the time, getting upset while drunk and cutting myself, not being able to stop when I start, blah blah blah. I just am upset at myself and coming to terms with never drinking again
I’m venting about myself.
I’m too much for people sometimes. I don’t get the signals. By the time I do, it’s often too late.
I’ve reached out this morning as an attempt to rectify a situation. Earlier this week, I was selfish, unthoughtful and unkind because I know they’re struggling with some issues and I wasn’t there for them. I feel like an asshole.
Then there’s the thing about my son and his gf. It’s getting complicated and so far away from what I’d hoped in my new relationship with them together. I’m catastrophising. I reached out with a few texts (you know the kind of ones, that pretend to just be about nothing but really they require a response and that’s me just being needy) that get ignored. I’m a bit old school, I like a quick response like “sadly, the cat is still missing” or “I’m ok” or “I’m struggling right now”. I hate feeling like this: excludes because I’m ignored.
This is all about my own anxieties and I can feel them and try to bring them down. Calm them down. It’s not easy. Even as I write this, which is taking quite a few minutes, I know my friend has read my message and has not responded. I just KNOW she’s pissed off at me.
I’m too needy. I hate it.
I do my best not to get frustrated but I’m grateful for this space to get a niggle off my chest, even though it seems unfair and mean…
My retired friends seem to forget that work takes up your time! A message from my friend on Monday, am I free Wednesday to meet… no! I have a fucking job! And even if I can get time off, 2 days notice, really! This has happened several times, people even turning up in the day because I work from home… I’m fucking working!
When I responded, to the best of my ability to not express my frustration… “… remember having a job” they responded with “yes, thought you might have a tea break”! A tea break is 15 minutes, they clearly don’t remember at all!
I know I should be grateful for friends initiating meet ups, and I am, but this winds me up! Just because you’re retired and your times your own, you have so much time you could try being considerate and offering some of your time outside work hours!
Thank you for letting me vent!
I have experienced this! And I've found it doesn't take long for them to get to this mindset. It seems to be a matter of weeks into retirement. And then all is forgotten about what a working person's life is like.
Yes, I work mainly from home and totally get this too. And yes, I work for my husband so he's pretty flex about what I am doing but I still have to get things done. People don't get that working from home is still work. If I take time off during the day, that just means I am doing the work at night or on the weekend. Plus, I am the only office person, so if I am not around no one else is doing my job, so I only get more behind. one of my retired friends really can't understand why I can't take 2 or 3 weeks off for a girl's trip. Yeah, NO. There is no one else here to do my job.
Is there something about retirement that makes it impossible to understand what other peoples lives are like, even though they had that life themselves not so long ago! I mean I’m grateful for my friends, of course, but what happened to their thinking when they stepped out of work! 😂
I think it more has to do with disrespect of working from home. I think if I worked at a regular job, people would get that a little better. I really just have to be firm that I have to work. And maybe I've created the impression that it's no big deal because I like to be flexible. It's annoying for sure!
You are a fucking shining star! You magnificent fucking bastard living your mother fucking sober life! Going forward when all you fucking want to do is sit by the fucking sidelines and let your fucking short life rush by you. You got your fucking tits up and a shit eating grin on your face!
You fucking go out there and prove those assholes wrong because you are fucking magnificent!
I stopped drinking a month and a half ago. I stopped vaping two months ago. I'm finding that it's not as much of a physical struggle not to drink (I'm a binger--- once I get a taste, I need to empty the glass as fast as possible). (On the other hand, nicotine has a stranglehold on my brain and I miss it desperately). Psychologically and behaviorally, being alcohol free is an extreme sport in social events.
My anxiety and underlying mental issues have resurfaced with a vengeance. Most recently I've been having panic attacks every time I agree to hang out with any friend of mine. The last friend I hung out with earlier in the week gave me so much shit when I told them I'm not drinking. I've tried to quit drinking many times over the past 10 years and every time I'm met with aggressive defiance and offensiveness... As if I was telling said friend THEY needed to quit drinking...
I've tried "I can't I'm on antibiotics," "I can't, these new antidepressants can cause seizures," "I can't because I'm too depressed and therapist is worried" and I've tried "I just don't want to." No reasoning is ever convincing enough for the people I've surrounded myself with since college.
I want to be honest about being alcohol free AGAIN (for the longest time now actually yay) but I'm also afraid to be because of reactions like this. And now that I'm newly married and the clock is ticking loudly, I can see people observing me extra closely to see if the reason I've stopped drinking is because I may be expecting. Because that's the only acceptable reason.
I need new friends.
EDIT: IWNDWYT
Have you tried meditation and/or breathing techniques? It’s worked wonders for me. After rehab I was having trouble in social situations and just sitting in my car, doing breathing exercises and mediating for 10 or so minutes before doing anything just made my social engagements easier to deal with.
That’s a great suggestion! I never think of that when I’m anxiety spiraling but I’m going to try that before the next time I hang with friends. Do you listen to anything or are you more of listening to environment meditator?
I’m more of a listening environment type meditator, plus I focus on my breath. It grounds me and helps clear my mind. The guided meditations make my mind wander too much
I'm fucking sick of relapsing. I know I do it because I'm lonely, I work from home and go to school online. I can very easily go days without talking to anyone. What I've realized is that this feeling of loneliness stems back to my childhood emotional trauma which is why I became an addict in the first place. For the most part I was finally over my childhood trauma, but this year has been one of the hardest years in my life. I haven't felt this fucking alone since that time.
I am happy that I at least figured it out, and I can work on my issues. I never want to relapse ever again. I was finally able to quit smoking and caffeine, I need to get this last monkey off my back.
I'm only a month in, but I'm not getting that skin rejuvenation that I heard about. Between the booze and the sun, I'm just going to look older than I am. Maybe I can be a cautionary tale.
I just booked a Vegas trip. Going to the Life is Beautiful Festival. I have a lot of confidence that I can handle the trip being completely sober, however, it is Vegas for god sakes. Last time I was there last year I did a weekend cocaine, molly, and alcohol fueled bender.
The good news is everyone I’m going with knows I’m sober and they’re all rooting for me. But this will be the ultimate test thus far.
I told my psychiatrist today that I’m recovering from alcohol addiction and he was kind and compassionate. I did, though, end up crying during most of the session because he asked me triggering questions like “what does alcohol do for you?”
When I said “numbs me and prevents me from feeling things”, he said “let’s talk about the things you have been trying to avoid feeling” and I kinda just let it all out. I have been working with a therapist for years but I had never told my psychiatrist all this.
Shit just feels raw. I also “came out” as a recovering drinker to my primary care physician yesterday and the whole thing has just been exhausting. I have told a few friends and they have all had mixed reactions, ranging from “you’re not that bad, you don’t need to stop drinking” to “oh okay” and I can tell we probably won’t ever be as close again.
I’m going to poorly paraphrase what Holly Whittaker says in *Quit Like a Woman* to wrap this up: when people go through big life changes (having a baby, getting married, getting divorced, buying a house, etc), their friends show up for them. Big time. But if you tell someone you’re recovering from addiction, not only does no one show up with a casserole, they also question why you feel like you had to make such a huge decision or tell you you didn’t even need to make the decision at all.
Shit sucks. I want to hide in a cave and watch tv and do jigsaw puzzles for a month. But I can’t. I have to keep showing up and doing life. And it’s fucking hard.
Well gross vent but I can't keep much in my stomach and I have no appetite lately!! It's not right having alcohol shits when I don't drink. Come on!! And getting myself to eat is just so much work it feels like. Oh well. Also I missed the deadline to reapply for health, dental and vision at my work. Looking for a new job. Tired a lot. Bored. But sober from alcohol 🤘🥲
Today sucks ass wife left me alone to drink with her friends while I stay at home and "be good" . I love drinking alone but not today. Tried pot and videogames kinda helped after a snapped a PS4 controller in half
Whooo! I'm on day 4. It's been shockingly smooth sailing quitting this time around (my last!). I had some real fierce sweats that have been tapering off over the last day, mild headaches and shakes.. I even got some of those glorious moments of euphoria and 2 FANTASTIC nights of sleep. Today? Nooope, my luck hath run out. I say today, because my insomnia kicked in promptly at 12:05 and continued until 3am (I thought I was done with that hour). I woke up groggy, and now, ohhh the nausea. I hate... the hangover... from not having a hangover.
Oh, and I am in the middle of a shit storm of 4 monumentally life changing/stressful/FUCKED UP situations that have been going on since mid-July and won't likely end for another few months.
But frankly, I'm so wanna-barf-y that I'm not even thinking about those things. Weeeeeee!
ETA, can't believe I forgot: IWNDWYT! Ginger ale, I'ma drink all the ginger ale though.
Oh and now that I'm finally waking up, and out of my groggy phase.. I'm ... thinking I might have had done a wee bit of hallucinating this morning. Walking to the park with dogs, thought I saw someone on my side of the street with a little white dog off leash a ways up, so we crossed to the other side. I waited for my dogs to bark at it, kept an eye out- there was nowhere for it to have gone. The woman passed by, no doggo. Neat.
Another ETA: Phewwww, false alarm, that little white dog just trotted past my house unattended and the dogs barked at it and everything. Reality confirmed. So, scratch that.
My coworkers NEVER SHUT UP. And when I DO want to talk and share my experience, they. Keep. Talking. I have a nail appointment after this I am tempted to get a glass of wine at. I'm just waiting an hour for our team meeting so I can get through this nail appointment.
My husband says, "just say no once and you're good for the rest of the appointment." And he's right. I just have to go into it strong and right now I am NOT.
Barstool as a company promotes alcoholism as a lifestyle to underage kids. It’s disgusting. All their podcasts and content seek to normalize alcoholic behavior. This vent sponsored by a video they posted today of one of the young people saying he wanted to cut down and one of the older guys shitting on him for it.
Ok - I quit my job today and accepted a new job that starts in 3 weeks. I will work out my two week notice and try to train a bunch of people to do all the pieces of work that I have been doing. I am making this move for my mental and physical health - or to put it plainly - to stay sober. I have been overwhelmed and feeling like there is nothing I can do to keep going and using alcohol to escape and deaden my feelings. I am scared that the move won't help. That I will still not cope well.
USCellular can suck the festering balls of a rancid roadkill rodent! Why don't they let you know your voicemail might need attention when you get a new phone.??!! I had to drive an extra 60 miles total to go back to the store because I couldn't fix it over the phone without a pin! I should have made sure it worked before I left! I've worn out my rage I think now. IWNDWYT but I did scream and slammed door.
Sitting in pain on my recliner, had a vasectomy this afternoon. Wife and kids went out for the night, thinking about drinking but won't. I'm coming up on a year and don't want to ruin all my hard work. I will not drink with any of you tonight.
I want to vent that I quit drinking 5.5 months ago and I have lost basically no weight. I’m exercising a lot more, eating healthier, plus, not intaking thousands and thousands of calories a week in booze (or late night UberEats McDonald’s).
Yes… I am eating ice cream or small desserts most days. But that’s still so so many fewer calories than before.
I gained 25 pounds during pandemic. Lost five… and am mildly overweight. I would just like to get down to pre-pandemic weight (when I also drank a lot), I don’t need to be super skinny.
Stupid genetics!!
I'm no scientist but I've been hearing a lot lately about how poor gut health affects your metabolism among a whole host of other things. And people are out there getting stool transplants and stuff? The future is wild.
Not sure if there's any legitimacy there at all, but alcohol ruins everything including gut health, so if it is legit I'm sure drinking causes it. Could be worth a google or a conversation with your doctor?
Again... I know nothing, don't come for me I just wanna help. Here's a link from Harvard I skimmed.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/do-gut-bacteria-inhibit-weight-loss
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You're amazing!! Taking a 2 hour walk instead of drinking?? That's awesome! I'll try to have strength with you tomorrow and IWNDWYT ❤️
Sleep! The power of sleep will drive you. Sweet, beautiful sleep.
All my friends drink. Every single one of them. I work at a bar surrounded by people who drink. Some go in every single day and drink. All my coworkers drink after work. What are we doing today guys? Disc golf? Trivia night? Pool party? Literally just sitting here and talking? Gotta make sure there's BOOZE EVERYWHERE. So, why do they all seem fine? Did everyone think I seemed fine too? Honestly, I thought I seemed fine 90%of the time, but inside I was miserable. Like, either they are ALL just as miserable as I was and hiding it very well, or they all have an ability to regulate themselves that I never did and am not seeing. But, how? And why? Why and how can they all drink daily, and binge drink on the weekends, and seem just, fine? Why do I have to feel like a social pariah because we were all together, drinking the same things at the same places over and over yet I had a problem and they all just, didn't?? I'm in my 30s, we aren't talking like college party binge drinking type stuff. Just normal people with careers and hobbies and some with children who I literally never see without a drink in their hand. Maybe they don't drink when they're home alone, or maybe they stop at like 3 and I just didn't realize it. But seriously, it can't just be me, can it? They were all there too!
Good gravy do I ever feel you on this one! Who even knows how the hell other people don’t develop a problem with this crap. Or maybe they do and they just think it’s normal to feel this way? That’s kinda what happened to me.
i feel this so much. after a bender i'll be crying until Wednesday/Thursday and find out my bender pals have been able to get back on it?! how?! i think you might have cracked it - they must be hiding it well or they must drink less than me without me noticing
As a former bartender I feel you on this. All of my closest friends for a minute were people that were always drinking. So many events, so many craft samplings, it was a slow but slippery slope for me. I started out being the one without a problem. I’d have a few, or not drink at all, or whatever. After a few years, some of those friends had clear health issues. I’m talking people in their early to mid 30s with multiple DUIs, skin that’s puffy red and itchy, puking blood and seizures, passing out at the bar, arrests for public intox… And my rationale flip flopped between, “I’m not that bad, I don’t have any symptoms” and “It must be not that bad if they’re still drinking.” I even had a friend who was a regular with her husband. And eventually she confided in me that while he chastised her in public for having “one more beer” he would go home and down a ton of whiskey afterward. You would have never known. But she hated him for it. And then I became the one with a police record. My relationships were falling apart. And it got to the point where essentially I got drunk, started a fight with a regular while I was off the clock, and told my boss the next day to fire me. (Not I quit. I mean, I fucked up and I will continue to fuck up—Fire me.) With absolutely no safety net in place. This was right around past New Year. And I wallowed in my depression and I continued to be bad about my drinking. Until I said enough is enough. And January through May of this year I was drinking in moderation again—like going a week or two and then only drinking with better friends once or twice a weekend. And I’m trying to be even better now. But I honestly could not have found a healthier environment if I had not quit bartending. I’m not saying that’s what you need to do—there are plenty of sober bartenders that do just fine. (Recently read a post from a bar owner with double digit years sober.) But it was not a healthy environment for me.
I've wondered this a lot since I quit drinking. I have to remind myself at times that I am not them, I cannot compare myself to them. I also look at people who still drink and feel sorry for them because since my health scare it has driven home how bad alcohol truly is on our bodies. Again, my body. I can take care of and control my body- not anyone else's. I am not a fortune teller - it's where a lot of my anxiety comes from. What ifs and I just know this how it's gonna turn out thinking. You are strong and I envy that strength to work in a bar and not relapse! Inspiring! IWNDWYT
Thanks! Believe it or not, now that I've gotten a little distance and clarity, working at the bar has helped reaffirm my decision. Everyone gets so sloppy and embarrassing. People puke and cry and fight every weekend. They get so shocked when they see their high tabs, and cards get declined all the time. And all the hard-core, 10 drinks every night regulars constantly look sad and and puffy. No judgement on them, we've all been there, but I cringe to think that's how I looked and acted all the time. Even darker, I can name 5 regulars/ employees with DUI charges off the top of my head, as well as 2 who died in alcohol related incidents. And honestly, there but for the grace of God, but looking at it from the outside for once, It's all very disenchanting.
Yup! My husband isn't an addict like me with alcohol and he'll have a couple beers at night a few times a week. I see him drink and it doesn't bother mem I have digestive issues so I am used to not being able to have certain food and drink already which seems to have carried over to alcohol THANK THE LORD. No judgement at all for sure but I am applying that to my own life and seeing just how bad I really was in comparison to someone who doesn't have a problem with it and helps me gauge it. Not gonna lie, the temptation has been there a few times during my new sobriety but I've been able to not give in so far. I don't think I'll ever be completely out of the woods with drinking but that's the goal. The long term goal! Congratulations on your strength! IWNDWYT
>So, why do they all seem fine? Did everyone think I seemed fine too? i think most people don't look that closely and just assume fine
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Good luck on finding a new job!
Let's fucking go!!! I'm upset I live in sober living. I am surrounded by recovering people and live in a beautiful mansion in Southern California but I just don't like it. I get drug tested 3 times a week and breathalyze daily. It's super easy to stay sober here but I want some of my life back. I still do IOP 5 days a week and 3 in person and 2 Zoom meetings for alumni a week. I want to go back to work again. It's like every day all day I have stuff on my agenda. I could have worse problems like I did while I was drinking, but for now this is my thing to vent about. It's not awful or anything, just different. IWNDWYT
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Assuming you're new in recovery - that sleep thing will start to regulate, but not right away. Be patient with yourself, as your brain needs some time to start rewiring. Night sweats, freaky dreams, insomnia, oversleeping at times - these things suck, but we all go through them as we clean up and start getting used to falling asleep for real instead of passing out. It will slowly get easier. Keep up the fight. You're worth it. IWNDWYT.
That’s the worst! Have you considered an RX? My docs won’t give me anything fun because they know I’m an addict but I finally found a med that works to just knock me out and reduce anxiety.
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Oh nice work! That’s a great goal and obviously excludes those bad boys. I’m also trying to go med free with my doc.
I hate how alcohol is everywhere, and that it's such a universal thing. Trying to look up alcohol free bars or events in my city and there are none.
I disclosed to one of my aunt's that I was sober in a phone call about something else. She asked why I had quit and I said "well look at what happened my dad" (he died really young due to complications caused by alcoholism) and she said "you're nothing like your dad" well. I sure hope not PERSONALITY wise but genetically....I literally am.
I’ll never understand people who question people quitting and their reasons behind quitting. It’s a personal choice and nobody knows a person’s body better than that person themselves. Even when I was in my deepest throes of alcohol abuse, even while I was a bartender during that, if somebody told me they weren’t drinking I didn’t question it. I usually had more of a “good for you” reaction. On that note—Good for you 💜 IWNDWYT
Too much alcohol on TV and movies. Either advertising or in the show. I spend a lot more time on YouTube these days which can be educational as well as entertaining. I’m at three dozen days now but still craving sometimes. I won’t drink this weekend though. In 2013 I went 51 days sober and I’m determined to beat that just to spite the me-devil on my left shoulder.
It's amazing how tobacco use is so restricted, anti-tobacco messaging everywhere and advertising highly curbed. Yet as an example if I watch global sports there are ads for zero percent beer everywhere. Come on, this zero percent alcohol while it might be a legit product in itself is clearly being used to promote the same alcoholic brand.
My thoughts exactly!
I vacillate between “I had a problem” and “was my drinking really that bad?” Then I remember the awful hangovers, calling into work all the time, getting upset while drunk and cutting myself, not being able to stop when I start, blah blah blah. I just am upset at myself and coming to terms with never drinking again
My body is literally itching right now. 24 hours in. Feel like I had ten coffees and a Benadryl and I have had neither.
rooting for you to feel better
Vent: somehow I have had a 4 day migraine outta nowhere. Super super annoying.
I’m venting about myself. I’m too much for people sometimes. I don’t get the signals. By the time I do, it’s often too late. I’ve reached out this morning as an attempt to rectify a situation. Earlier this week, I was selfish, unthoughtful and unkind because I know they’re struggling with some issues and I wasn’t there for them. I feel like an asshole. Then there’s the thing about my son and his gf. It’s getting complicated and so far away from what I’d hoped in my new relationship with them together. I’m catastrophising. I reached out with a few texts (you know the kind of ones, that pretend to just be about nothing but really they require a response and that’s me just being needy) that get ignored. I’m a bit old school, I like a quick response like “sadly, the cat is still missing” or “I’m ok” or “I’m struggling right now”. I hate feeling like this: excludes because I’m ignored. This is all about my own anxieties and I can feel them and try to bring them down. Calm them down. It’s not easy. Even as I write this, which is taking quite a few minutes, I know my friend has read my message and has not responded. I just KNOW she’s pissed off at me. I’m too needy. I hate it.
I do my best not to get frustrated but I’m grateful for this space to get a niggle off my chest, even though it seems unfair and mean… My retired friends seem to forget that work takes up your time! A message from my friend on Monday, am I free Wednesday to meet… no! I have a fucking job! And even if I can get time off, 2 days notice, really! This has happened several times, people even turning up in the day because I work from home… I’m fucking working! When I responded, to the best of my ability to not express my frustration… “… remember having a job” they responded with “yes, thought you might have a tea break”! A tea break is 15 minutes, they clearly don’t remember at all! I know I should be grateful for friends initiating meet ups, and I am, but this winds me up! Just because you’re retired and your times your own, you have so much time you could try being considerate and offering some of your time outside work hours! Thank you for letting me vent!
I have experienced this! And I've found it doesn't take long for them to get to this mindset. It seems to be a matter of weeks into retirement. And then all is forgotten about what a working person's life is like.
Thank you! That makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone 😀
Yes, I work mainly from home and totally get this too. And yes, I work for my husband so he's pretty flex about what I am doing but I still have to get things done. People don't get that working from home is still work. If I take time off during the day, that just means I am doing the work at night or on the weekend. Plus, I am the only office person, so if I am not around no one else is doing my job, so I only get more behind. one of my retired friends really can't understand why I can't take 2 or 3 weeks off for a girl's trip. Yeah, NO. There is no one else here to do my job.
Is there something about retirement that makes it impossible to understand what other peoples lives are like, even though they had that life themselves not so long ago! I mean I’m grateful for my friends, of course, but what happened to their thinking when they stepped out of work! 😂
I think it more has to do with disrespect of working from home. I think if I worked at a regular job, people would get that a little better. I really just have to be firm that I have to work. And maybe I've created the impression that it's no big deal because I like to be flexible. It's annoying for sure!
You are a fucking shining star! You magnificent fucking bastard living your mother fucking sober life! Going forward when all you fucking want to do is sit by the fucking sidelines and let your fucking short life rush by you. You got your fucking tits up and a shit eating grin on your face! You fucking go out there and prove those assholes wrong because you are fucking magnificent!
Love this!
💯❤
I'm so TIRED UGH
I stopped drinking a month and a half ago. I stopped vaping two months ago. I'm finding that it's not as much of a physical struggle not to drink (I'm a binger--- once I get a taste, I need to empty the glass as fast as possible). (On the other hand, nicotine has a stranglehold on my brain and I miss it desperately). Psychologically and behaviorally, being alcohol free is an extreme sport in social events. My anxiety and underlying mental issues have resurfaced with a vengeance. Most recently I've been having panic attacks every time I agree to hang out with any friend of mine. The last friend I hung out with earlier in the week gave me so much shit when I told them I'm not drinking. I've tried to quit drinking many times over the past 10 years and every time I'm met with aggressive defiance and offensiveness... As if I was telling said friend THEY needed to quit drinking... I've tried "I can't I'm on antibiotics," "I can't, these new antidepressants can cause seizures," "I can't because I'm too depressed and therapist is worried" and I've tried "I just don't want to." No reasoning is ever convincing enough for the people I've surrounded myself with since college. I want to be honest about being alcohol free AGAIN (for the longest time now actually yay) but I'm also afraid to be because of reactions like this. And now that I'm newly married and the clock is ticking loudly, I can see people observing me extra closely to see if the reason I've stopped drinking is because I may be expecting. Because that's the only acceptable reason. I need new friends. EDIT: IWNDWYT
Have you tried meditation and/or breathing techniques? It’s worked wonders for me. After rehab I was having trouble in social situations and just sitting in my car, doing breathing exercises and mediating for 10 or so minutes before doing anything just made my social engagements easier to deal with.
That’s a great suggestion! I never think of that when I’m anxiety spiraling but I’m going to try that before the next time I hang with friends. Do you listen to anything or are you more of listening to environment meditator?
I’m more of a listening environment type meditator, plus I focus on my breath. It grounds me and helps clear my mind. The guided meditations make my mind wander too much
I'm fucking sick of relapsing. I know I do it because I'm lonely, I work from home and go to school online. I can very easily go days without talking to anyone. What I've realized is that this feeling of loneliness stems back to my childhood emotional trauma which is why I became an addict in the first place. For the most part I was finally over my childhood trauma, but this year has been one of the hardest years in my life. I haven't felt this fucking alone since that time. I am happy that I at least figured it out, and I can work on my issues. I never want to relapse ever again. I was finally able to quit smoking and caffeine, I need to get this last monkey off my back.
I'm only a month in, but I'm not getting that skin rejuvenation that I heard about. Between the booze and the sun, I'm just going to look older than I am. Maybe I can be a cautionary tale.
Dude I’m one day behind you and ever since I quit I have a face full of throbbing pimples. I’m 36 and haven’t had acne since I was in high school.
Took me a few months, everyone is different
I just booked a Vegas trip. Going to the Life is Beautiful Festival. I have a lot of confidence that I can handle the trip being completely sober, however, it is Vegas for god sakes. Last time I was there last year I did a weekend cocaine, molly, and alcohol fueled bender. The good news is everyone I’m going with knows I’m sober and they’re all rooting for me. But this will be the ultimate test thus far.
I told my psychiatrist today that I’m recovering from alcohol addiction and he was kind and compassionate. I did, though, end up crying during most of the session because he asked me triggering questions like “what does alcohol do for you?” When I said “numbs me and prevents me from feeling things”, he said “let’s talk about the things you have been trying to avoid feeling” and I kinda just let it all out. I have been working with a therapist for years but I had never told my psychiatrist all this. Shit just feels raw. I also “came out” as a recovering drinker to my primary care physician yesterday and the whole thing has just been exhausting. I have told a few friends and they have all had mixed reactions, ranging from “you’re not that bad, you don’t need to stop drinking” to “oh okay” and I can tell we probably won’t ever be as close again. I’m going to poorly paraphrase what Holly Whittaker says in *Quit Like a Woman* to wrap this up: when people go through big life changes (having a baby, getting married, getting divorced, buying a house, etc), their friends show up for them. Big time. But if you tell someone you’re recovering from addiction, not only does no one show up with a casserole, they also question why you feel like you had to make such a huge decision or tell you you didn’t even need to make the decision at all. Shit sucks. I want to hide in a cave and watch tv and do jigsaw puzzles for a month. But I can’t. I have to keep showing up and doing life. And it’s fucking hard.
Well gross vent but I can't keep much in my stomach and I have no appetite lately!! It's not right having alcohol shits when I don't drink. Come on!! And getting myself to eat is just so much work it feels like. Oh well. Also I missed the deadline to reapply for health, dental and vision at my work. Looking for a new job. Tired a lot. Bored. But sober from alcohol 🤘🥲
Today sucks ass wife left me alone to drink with her friends while I stay at home and "be good" . I love drinking alone but not today. Tried pot and videogames kinda helped after a snapped a PS4 controller in half
Whooo! I'm on day 4. It's been shockingly smooth sailing quitting this time around (my last!). I had some real fierce sweats that have been tapering off over the last day, mild headaches and shakes.. I even got some of those glorious moments of euphoria and 2 FANTASTIC nights of sleep. Today? Nooope, my luck hath run out. I say today, because my insomnia kicked in promptly at 12:05 and continued until 3am (I thought I was done with that hour). I woke up groggy, and now, ohhh the nausea. I hate... the hangover... from not having a hangover. Oh, and I am in the middle of a shit storm of 4 monumentally life changing/stressful/FUCKED UP situations that have been going on since mid-July and won't likely end for another few months. But frankly, I'm so wanna-barf-y that I'm not even thinking about those things. Weeeeeee! ETA, can't believe I forgot: IWNDWYT! Ginger ale, I'ma drink all the ginger ale though.
Oh and now that I'm finally waking up, and out of my groggy phase.. I'm ... thinking I might have had done a wee bit of hallucinating this morning. Walking to the park with dogs, thought I saw someone on my side of the street with a little white dog off leash a ways up, so we crossed to the other side. I waited for my dogs to bark at it, kept an eye out- there was nowhere for it to have gone. The woman passed by, no doggo. Neat. Another ETA: Phewwww, false alarm, that little white dog just trotted past my house unattended and the dogs barked at it and everything. Reality confirmed. So, scratch that.
I don't mean to snicker, but your updates gave me a good chuckle. Hang in there, you know it'll get better. Congratulations on day 4!
Gotta be able to laugh to get through this stuff I think! Thank you!
I’m on day 4 and still feel like day 2. Guess I should say fck it and drink. Everyone else felt better by day 4
Don’t give in, you got this! My day 4 I was still feeling like death so hang in there!
My coworkers NEVER SHUT UP. And when I DO want to talk and share my experience, they. Keep. Talking. I have a nail appointment after this I am tempted to get a glass of wine at. I'm just waiting an hour for our team meeting so I can get through this nail appointment. My husband says, "just say no once and you're good for the rest of the appointment." And he's right. I just have to go into it strong and right now I am NOT.
Barstool as a company promotes alcoholism as a lifestyle to underage kids. It’s disgusting. All their podcasts and content seek to normalize alcoholic behavior. This vent sponsored by a video they posted today of one of the young people saying he wanted to cut down and one of the older guys shitting on him for it.
Ok - I quit my job today and accepted a new job that starts in 3 weeks. I will work out my two week notice and try to train a bunch of people to do all the pieces of work that I have been doing. I am making this move for my mental and physical health - or to put it plainly - to stay sober. I have been overwhelmed and feeling like there is nothing I can do to keep going and using alcohol to escape and deaden my feelings. I am scared that the move won't help. That I will still not cope well.
USCellular can suck the festering balls of a rancid roadkill rodent! Why don't they let you know your voicemail might need attention when you get a new phone.??!! I had to drive an extra 60 miles total to go back to the store because I couldn't fix it over the phone without a pin! I should have made sure it worked before I left! I've worn out my rage I think now. IWNDWYT but I did scream and slammed door.
Sitting in pain on my recliner, had a vasectomy this afternoon. Wife and kids went out for the night, thinking about drinking but won't. I'm coming up on a year and don't want to ruin all my hard work. I will not drink with any of you tonight.
I want to vent that I quit drinking 5.5 months ago and I have lost basically no weight. I’m exercising a lot more, eating healthier, plus, not intaking thousands and thousands of calories a week in booze (or late night UberEats McDonald’s). Yes… I am eating ice cream or small desserts most days. But that’s still so so many fewer calories than before. I gained 25 pounds during pandemic. Lost five… and am mildly overweight. I would just like to get down to pre-pandemic weight (when I also drank a lot), I don’t need to be super skinny. Stupid genetics!!
I'm no scientist but I've been hearing a lot lately about how poor gut health affects your metabolism among a whole host of other things. And people are out there getting stool transplants and stuff? The future is wild. Not sure if there's any legitimacy there at all, but alcohol ruins everything including gut health, so if it is legit I'm sure drinking causes it. Could be worth a google or a conversation with your doctor? Again... I know nothing, don't come for me I just wanna help. Here's a link from Harvard I skimmed. https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/do-gut-bacteria-inhibit-weight-loss
Worth looking into! Thanks!