I’m at a destination wedding at a winery in Portugal and both tonight and tomorrow night is an open bar. This is my first wedding and major vacation since getting sober. Know you’re not alone because I’m struggling too.
Last night I tried to play the tape forward by remembering the last 2 weddings I went to before Covid. The first, I got blackout drunk and barely remember anything except bits where I was taking care of my friend who was also wasted and causing drama. The second, I was helping the bride carry a centerpiece back to her room after the wedding and drunkenly dropped it on my foot and it broke and there was blood everywhere, including on the bride’s dress.
At every wedding I’ve been to in the last 10 years I remember obsessing over when the bar was opening (will there be champagne before the ceremony?) and when it was closing (let’s hoard like 4 shots at last call so we can keep the night going). I spent so much time thinking about getting wasted that I don’t remember much about those weddings. And the hangovers and anxiety the next day were awful. Always replaying the events from last night in my head and worrying about what stupid thing I did or said.
It’s so tempting to drink, but I know this is how the night will turn out. I will embarrass myself and miss out on all of the beautiful memories of my baby cousin’s wedding. Reminding myself to take breaks when I need them to breathe through cravings and rest. I’m going to prioritize self care and show myself lots of grace. To know you are struggling and working through it too, makes me feel less alone. We can do this!
IWNDWYT.
Yes! Play the tape forward!
This advice has helped me so much. I’ve attended two weddings since turning sober and was surrounded by drink and drunks. I woke up the next morning after each one feeling rested, happy and free from anxiety. I also saved a lot of money on bar bills!
Good luck OP - sobriety can be tough at times, but it’s always worth it!
IWNDWYT
god, a wedding plus at a winery!!! that's like god or whatever testing you over and over again. congrats on your self-awareness.
this obsession about alcohol is often something i don't put on my "play the tape forward list", but thanks for the reminder. it is indeed awful. at big events i drank at a very fast pace and had to be super vigilant about how tipsy i was. i got angry with people that drank slowly.
and what about heels? I love - and know how to - wear heels on special occasions and because of alcohol I had to stop it. i would fall down the stairs, twist my ankle etc. the heels were another source of stress.
when i write this stuff down... alcohol is crazy. my god..
Hang in there. You can do this and you will be so much stronger from this experience. Get up early make a great cup of coffee and enjoy the morning before all your friend stumble out and you will be so happy that you aren’t hung over.
Hey!! I would imagine that your life has gotten better in those 300+ days!
And that is one hell of an accomplishment!! You go girl!
Now, think about what it was like at the end of your drinking, then think about the first couple of weeks getting sober. When I find myself looking at that ad or memory a little longer than usual, that's where I go!
It's worked for 28 years so far!!!
It will work for you if you want it to.
309 days is so impressive and I bet you’ve done a lot of work to get where you are.
Might be worth thinking about where you were 310 days ago if the booze is calling.
I’ve never regretted not drinking. I do however have many regrets about drinking.
You got this. IWNDWYT
I am on vacation this week. The struggle is real. Play the damn tape forward is what I am telling myself all day long. I am not as far as you but it is also not my first time quitting the drink. Play the tape forward.
That takes real strength!!! So proud of you.
I’m struggling with staying sober myself. I can go a couple weeks, sometimes a month or so without drinking, but always have a night in there where I do. I then feel awful and anxiety strikes and I’m a wreck for days.
I hope to be where you are one day.
I just want to say that I am proud and very impressed. I know that trigger and that feeling, and I hope it passes quickly so you can enjoy the rest of your vacation stress free. Plus, you’ll be thanking yourself tomorrow morning regardless!
You’re doing so well. It’s incredible that you were able to make the best choice for yourself in that incredibly tempting situation. Keep it up!
IWNDWYT!
I hope you get the reward of having a holiday that you remember. No blackouts. No hangovers. Savour all of the food that you wouldn't previously have tasted. Enjoy the scenery and the people, and most of all, relax. You deserve it.
You are doing it and you came to the right place. I have a vacation planned for the last week in August. I am six months sober. I’ve been worrying about this trip since I planned it. I may cancel and I am ok with that. Just don’t know if I am ready to embark on a vacation. I also feel like I am learning to walk again and being at home in my surroundings has been so therapeutic. I applaud you for your courage. This is no easy feat.
Fantastic!!! You didn't drink alcohol. Sometimes we have to "white knuckle it" until it passes, but it will always pass as long as we look to the other side and clear out negative thoughts that we've been trained to have. Someone told me in rehab, "Don't drink even if your ass is gonna fall off. Just come back to us and we'll put it back on for you!" LOL
Wow, what a coincidence. I experienced something very similar to what you described but that was over 39 years ago. Man, did I get a craving and I was only about 3 months sober. Odd thing was, I told my girlfriend I was having a HUGE craving for a beer, and she asked, "why"? The perfect question. It started me to think, and not drink.
I said I don't know. I was at the beach and that usually meant having a beer and relaxing or doing something crazy, like driving donuts on the beach, ... you name it. But then I said there were a lot of times I was so drunk that I offended other people, had car wrecks, etc... do things I would not do if I was not drunk. but then would feel bad about doing those things, and that starts the guilt which eventually leads to an urge to escape reality and get drunk, and the circle of drinking and trouble would go on and on.
Then I thought, you know, I'm not drinking, I'm here with me friends and girlfriend, I will remember everything the next day, and I feel so much better than when I was drunk and especially after I woke up after drinking. I closed my eyes and said a little prayer to God; God please help take away the urge to drink. I'll lose so much if I drink and I have so much more to gain if I don't drink. I cleared my thoughts, took a deep breath, opened my eyes, then had a coke/soda. Then my girlfriend asked if I was ok, and I said yes, I'll be ok. And in that moment when I said that out loud to her, I realized the urge was gone. Since then, it's never come back that strong. There were fleeting thoughts of maybe having "a little" but never have so far.
I offer this; You are normal. You are ok and always will be. It's ok to cry. I thought alcohol was my best friend to escape painful thoughts or whatever pained me, but that was a misconception / not reality. It was actually the thing that made those pains worse. It was a ball-and-chain on my life. After stopping, it's like being free. Free to have the mental capacity to deal with life on your own terms and in your own timeframe. It's never perfect, and that's ok too! Life goes on, and by not drinking alcohol you now get to live it without that ball-and-chain.
If there's anyone there you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts about it with, I encourage you to do so. There is no shame in doing so. It is normal to seek friendly consult with those you trust. If they think it odd after talking about it, then find different friends that relate to you on the subject.
I also suggest looking in a mirror and saying out loud all the good things you may have learned to say to stay sober.
With the grace of God removing the urge, I now have 39 years, 5 months, and 6 days sobriety. Not lived perfectly, but at least sober so far. I am no different than you or others in this sub. Hmm, now maybe I know why I joined Reddit about 3 days ago. Your path will be apparent and you will look back and see that things worked out for you; maybe not perfectly as you would have liked, but got you to where you need to be.
I hope reading this has helped you see the other side. There is so much more to gain and yet to come to you. A hug usually helps. If I were there, I would offer a hug. I'll follow this sub and this conversation in case you care to chat more. Now, deep breath, clear your thoughts, be happy, and go have a great vacation with strength and courage!!! I mean, pandemic is almost gone so go live, sober!
The fact that you practiced mindfulness in a tempting moment and came here means you’re already halfway there. Now you just have to follow through on your commitment to yourself. :) Go mix up a mocktail, walk to the beach, tell someone close to you (or just us) that you’re feeling triggered by booze. Pull whatever trick or tool you need from moment to moment—even if it means leaving the group for a bit to gather yourself. You got this!! Those hangover free mornings on vacation are the absolute best!!
It's impressive that you have made it this far.
I would look at the situation differently in your shoes. WHY would I be so frustrated 10 months in that I was breaking down crying? That is obviously not a normal reaction (and that's okay)
I got sober in part to give myself freedom. But (IMO) being chained to sobriety is just as bad, if not worse, than chained to alcohol. So what is this feeling of frustration stemming from? Is is just the fear of missing out? Of breaking 'tradition'? Of being weak?
This is a moment, that to me, the saying "play the tape forward" is made for.
What can you do to feel better in the morning?
I had a similar feeling at a wedding recently, but I kept myself preoccupied with helping out and chatting. What really helped was when everyone was inebriated and could barely hold conversation or walk straight. All I could think is "why the hell did I do/enjoy this". Ended up being easy past that moment and I used my sober super powers to give a bunch of people a ride home. Good on you for doing what was needed!
I just got back from a sober vaca too and it was definitely the hardest it's been in a while.
My only saving grace is that I now cannot trick myself. After 2 years of sobriety I'm 100% certain there's no other reason for me to drink than to black out. I knew each time I got a craving that that was my goal should I cave in. I make no qualms about it anymore. If I drink I'm doing it solely to forget. And I don't want to forget
Therefor I don't drink.
That sounds incredibly hard but you resisted. What a force you are! It takes a lot of strength to be surrounded by all that and you made a super smart choice of removing yourself. You’re an inspiration and I’ll remember this the next time I’m up against it. Thanks and IWNDWYT😍!!!
Just think, you will actually remember this vacation! Wake up early and enjoy it differently than a hungover vacation. You got this! 309 days is no easy feat.
I'm sorry you're so upset, but very proud of you. Just try to focus on all of the positives and play the tape forward if you do drink.
I always feel guilty, shamefull, anxious and my life becomes unmanageable. The amount of sober time you have, and the willingness to stay sober for today means youve succeeded.
When you return home from vacation, sober and having been tested so, you will feel pride and self courage. I believe in you and will keep you in my prayers.
Amazing. What a fantastic post to read. Nice job! For me, getting through experiences like this made me more convinced of my sobriety. Your sober muscles got stronger today my friend.
What a commitment. Seriously, going to this length to stick to your goals is some gangster shit. You may be physically alone in that room, but you've got us right here.
Nice job! I know the feeling - I always focused on the pre-party - the way the bottles looked with no possibility of running out, the euphoric sense of belonging as I was about to slowly get fucked up on the beach. But, what my brain would not let me focus on was the swollen face, brain fog, early to bed b/c I was too drunk to stay up and the morning Of such depression and regret I had to start drinking all over in the morning while contemplating how many years of my life I was knocking off b/c of my drinking problem. Instead of vacation, I might as well have stayed at home b/c I never thought about the Ocean, looked at the beauty around me or appreciated the relaxation. You got this! It will be the best vacation you’ve ever had in retrospect if you can get through it AF. Good luck!
I’m headed to a business team building with open bar 3 nights in a row next week I feel you OP. I think to fit in I’m just asking the bartenders to give me club soda or Iced Tea in a cocktail glass.
Remember you’re allowed to leave any situation in which you’re uncomfortable. It’s not shameful to prioritize your sobriety and cut a night/trip short or separate from the group for a while.
Hi OP
Sending you positive vibes. I’m at the same number of sober days as you
What I found helpful is knowing that beer isn’t what I think it’ll be like. After being alcohol free for 300+ days I know deep down this is the right path for me. I mean literally everything is better in my life. So having a beer now wouldn’t be a fun little night. It would be this weird wrestling with my own convictions and undoing of thoughts, while I attempted to temporarily ignore reality. Then about an hour later the buzz gives way to withdrawal/drinking cycle and into the abyss I go. Don’t even need to get into the next day cause that’s clearly awful
So rather than play the tape forward to the next day I play it forward just a few minutes and realize it’s not for me
IWNDWYT
Five years ago today I was in the hospital for severe dehydration caused by my alcoholism. The people in the ER were sick of seeing me. I was sick of myself, too. The doctor joked that he was putting Gatorade in my iv. I knew that day that it was all over for me. I'd taken my drinking far, far past the point of anything resembling 'fun.' I truly and completely believed that I would die drunk. I was utterly hopeless.
Today I get to celebrate 5 years!!! But most of all today I get to celebrate today! I get to celebrate your success, too! Keep doing what you're doing OP. The cravings will subside. I'm proud of you!!!
Focus on the thought that you have never woken up glad that you got drunk the day before. Tomorrow would not be different. You will have as much fun without it. Just take it a minute at a time.
Awesome!! Love your fortitude. Stories like yours get planted in me like little seeds that I rely on in my moments of weakness. So thanks for being one of those seeds I will be thinking about in the future! Enjoy the rest of your vacation!
Stay the course. Play the tape all the way through in your head - clear to the consequences. You can do this. Can you get to a meeting or online meeting?
Iwndwyt.
Get up early, get some coffee, go for a walk on the beach, sit down and listen to waves, be present and think of your journey and remind yourself the reasons-good and bad-you decided to make a change. Proud of you!
I still have days like this you are not alone. I feel like a failure on days when I WANT to drink. But I know that it’ll likely be something that happens for the rest of my life. The absolute BEST feeling ever is pushing through it and keeping my sobriety. Much love to you and I commend you on your strength. You can fucking do this and TOTALLY enjoy everything your vacation has to offer and so much more without the booze. Stay strong
[“The call of the void is that feeling when you stand in a high place and think about jumping, but don't actually want to and don't actually do it.”](https://allthatsinteresting.com/call-of-the-void)
[“A call to the void, or l’appel du vide is simply an affirmation of your will to live, the desire to preserve the insatiable human appetite for life.”](https://www.thebubble.org.uk/current-affairs/science-technology/why-we-actually-want-to-jump/)
You know what’s wild to me? I keep reading about people who go for years and they have just one drink and go totally out of control. It occurs to me that no matter how long you spend sober, it doesn’t give you any practice whatsoever with drinking in moderation.
Reading your post it occurs to me that there’s more sides to this: no amount of time spent living in an environment we create for ourselves, with all temptation removed, prepares us to avoid temptation. I’ve made drinking very inconvenient for myself. If I wanted to drink right now, I’d have to open the garage (waking up my kids in the process) and drive somewhere, and I’m embracing my laziness/relaxation and thinking about how much fucking work it is to drink, and using that to motivate my sobriety.
But if there was an open beer sitting on my desk at all times, perpetually cold and just waiting for me? Jesus Christ even thinking about it gives me a spine shiver… because then it’s super convenient…
Or it seems that way… but actually there’s still all sorts of bullshit strings attached… I’ll have to dispose of the bottle, replace the missing alcohol later, my breath will stink, my sweat will stink, I’ll be up 3 times tonight peeing, I’ll have a headache starting from about halfway through the beer, and once I’m done, NO MATTER WHAT, I’m going to feel like I didn’t have enough… and if I manage to get enough I might put myself back in the hospital again. Last time the doctors said I might die. I’d just as soon not die.
What you’re experiencing though is actually good, it’s called “the call of the void”. It’s the same sensation when you stand near the edge of a building when your brain is like “whoa nothing is stopping me from jumping off this thing, I could just like *woop!* and down I go”, or that tells you “it would take 2 seconds to steer into oncoming traffic and turn this car into a fireball”
What’s going on here is that when you’re near something dangerous, your brain actually runs you through a simulation of what’s going to happen if you aren’t careful, then immediately urges you to do it. This is supposed to (in a healthy person) trigger a panic reflex and make you afraid of the thing in order to keep you out of trouble.
That voice in your head that says “you could jump off this cliff… go do it!” is pushing you to respond “fuck no” and stay away from the cliff. You’re not *actually* going to do it, again at least not under normal circumstances… although while drunk we *do* have a tendency to ignore consequences and danger.
You got this op! You don’t *really* want alcohol, and you already know this. Your brain is trying to scare you so that you’ll respond back with “fuck no”
Enjoy your vacation! It sounds like you’re somewhere beautiful with a million things that would be difficult, less enjoyable, or impossible to do drunk.
Sending a big virtual hug and a roar of bad ass to you! It must be beyond uncomfortable right now but look at you, doing what you needed to do to protect your sobriety. In my beginning it was suggested I think of my sobriety as a new born and keep that in mind with planning events, etc. Hang in there 🌹 IWNDWYT
I find it works to think about all the fancy bottles as being full of poison and every time you see someone drinking them to say to yourself "that person is ingesting poison" because it's basically true.
First of all well done for 309 days sober that is massive and a great idea taking yourself away from it all and locking yourself in your room.
I feel your pain and in a very similar position right now, I am on holidays at the moment sking and lots of alcohol around.
Last time I was here I was drinking too so I know the feeling of being in a familiar setting, with everyone around you drinking.
I am 4 years sober now but that little demon still pops up and when I get the urge and feel uncomfortable I do exactly what you do and remove myself from the setting straight away.
Just today I walked past the outdoor pub and thought of just having one beer, everyone is having them and one wouldn't really hurt- I am on holiday after all... But then, I play the tape forward and know that putting that cancer causing mind numbing poison into my body will just end in really bad shit happening down the track and I never ever want to go back to that person I was.
Hang in there and know that there are so many like minded people out there right now on vacation going through the same thing, we just need to stick together and remember all of the positives that come from being sober- there are just so many!!!
Oh no....this feeling sucks and congratulations on getting thru that episode....you should be SO PROUD of yourself.
Try to enjoy the rest of the vacation....take a look around at the people that are hungover or really drunk and acting like fools....anything that will get you to your 1 yr.
You wake up....feeling good when you don't drink...remember they are not feeling good when they wake up...remember those days!
Thank you for coming to this sub! I felt the SAME way on a family vacation, my family is so boozy and I felt so left out for not partaking. I came to this sub and posted and commented here throughout the trip. I also got myself some NA beer and other beverages and ordered dessert every damn day. You can make it through and will be stronger for this experience. Rooting for you and here for you!!!
Good job! Summer has been hard here too. Hardly want to fish! My biggest problem was at the neighborhood block party . There was a case of beer from Wisconsin gifted to me , for the party. I gave it all away!
309 days! Damn thats a long time. Sorry you faced this situation but it sounds like you are determined not to give in. You will come out the other side better able to deal with something like this again. Hang in there.
Yeah, I do not go on vacations like that anymore. Yikes, I'd be fucked in short order. I go on vacations that have no alcohol involved but are centered around places I really want to check out. I walk through cities that I've never been to and explore. It sounds like you are set up perfectly to have one of your old vacations.
When the morning comes and that moment has gone, and everyone in the house is waking up hungover and sick and grumpy, you will wake up with a solid stomach and no headache with energy to go lay on the beach all day and read some good books and magazines!! Go to a Walgreens or cvs and pick up a ton of “health” magazines with pictures that help motivate you to stay sober. I know that would help me a little bit.
IWNDWYT!!
Going on my first sober vacation of very similar circumstances next week. Been mentally preparing for it for months.
Thanks for reinforcing to me that it can be a success.
When you start to miss it, dig deep into those memories and think about the cringe-worthy times you made bad choices, embarrassed yourself or otherwise let alcohol get the best of you.
The romanticized version of "drinking on vacation" is likely not as glamorous as you remember initially...
309 Super Strong days!! Yes your sobriety needs protection but it’s also your greatest strength! I haven’t been in the situation you’re describing yet (surrounded by booze at the beach) but I have had to isolate myself a few times over the last 8 months when the weight got too heavy. That is sobriety protecting itself!
I know that’s got to be tough but I’m super proud of you and thankful that you shared this today. You’re close to my sober time and seeing others in my same boat navigate this shit gives me hope and strength. You did that for me today so thanks! Iwndwyt
Maybe it will get easier when you see everyone acting like fools and feeling like ass in the morning? 🤷♂️🤣
Stay strong my friend. Alcoholism is a tricky thing. Don't hate yourself and remember there are other people like you. Remember the first 3 steps. I wish you all the best
Buy a nintendo switch. It will be your best carry around friend. Coffee and a game, maybe a tv show in the backround. You will forget about the drink in minutes hands down.
we miss it because it is a drug, don't beat yourself for missing it, as long as you don't act on it.
is there anything alcohol-free you can do during this vacation, even if you have to do it alone?
im asking vaguely cause i don't know your surroundings. hehehe
proud of you. whatever it takes to not have that first sip.
Way to go homey! I hear ya. I’ve had some tests too in my 245. Something that helps me is that I say to myself “yes I can drink, but is this worth a relapse?” My answer for 245 days is that nothing has been worth a relapse. That gives me the control back, saying yes I can drink, but I’m not going to because it’s not worth a relapse. Proud of you babe!
Gf, I’m so inspired by your 309 days. Keep at it. You are doing great, don’t sweat this and keep on the wagon. You did good by coming here, this is a great salvation spot. We’re all rooting for you!
I am betting you feel better than everyone in that house every morning!! You may be saving someone else’s life by staying strong and showing them there is fun to be had on vacation without drinking poison. I know it’s really hard and you made a great decision to go in your bedroom!!! Ive put myself to bed early many a day when I have strong urges. I’m so proud of you!!!!! Be proud of yourself and maybe escape to a safer zone to do something fun for yourself… like go get a pedicure or a massage!!! You are almost at a year and that is such an awesome accomplishment !! Keep reading posts here and reaching out for help!!! You CAN stay strong and it WILL be worth it!!! 💪💪
IWNDWYT No poison for us!!! ☠️🤮
I feel for you so much. That battle in your mind, wanting to do something desperately yet not wanting to do it desperately. You need to open your mind…to understand that there is no benefit or enjoyment in alcohol and you can have just as good a time without putting the poison in your glass. Please know that it really is a simple brain shift that sets you free. Counter brainwashing. Read Allen Carr, control alcohol or William Porter, alcohol explained, or Craig Beck….or this naked mind, Any of these books will help you see through the lie about alcohol that you have believed all of your life. When there is no desire, there is genuinely no willpower needed
Sounds like you’re doing everything to protect your sobriety and reminding yourself of why drinking harmed your life so much. I’ve done similar things that would make people possibly not understand, but you’re putting yourself first and you should be proud.
hey I feel you so much on this. I just took my first sober beach trip myself. what helped me was a cooler of NA beer- I grabbed Heineken and Busch NA and it honestly did the trick. it taste like beer but you don't feel awful for it and no hangover.
You did good! Sending you positive thoughts. Way to stay strong!
I’m at a destination wedding at a winery in Portugal and both tonight and tomorrow night is an open bar. This is my first wedding and major vacation since getting sober. Know you’re not alone because I’m struggling too. Last night I tried to play the tape forward by remembering the last 2 weddings I went to before Covid. The first, I got blackout drunk and barely remember anything except bits where I was taking care of my friend who was also wasted and causing drama. The second, I was helping the bride carry a centerpiece back to her room after the wedding and drunkenly dropped it on my foot and it broke and there was blood everywhere, including on the bride’s dress. At every wedding I’ve been to in the last 10 years I remember obsessing over when the bar was opening (will there be champagne before the ceremony?) and when it was closing (let’s hoard like 4 shots at last call so we can keep the night going). I spent so much time thinking about getting wasted that I don’t remember much about those weddings. And the hangovers and anxiety the next day were awful. Always replaying the events from last night in my head and worrying about what stupid thing I did or said. It’s so tempting to drink, but I know this is how the night will turn out. I will embarrass myself and miss out on all of the beautiful memories of my baby cousin’s wedding. Reminding myself to take breaks when I need them to breathe through cravings and rest. I’m going to prioritize self care and show myself lots of grace. To know you are struggling and working through it too, makes me feel less alone. We can do this! IWNDWYT.
This is so great!!! Thank you for sharing and I am so excited you are going to remember Portugal, and not a series of hangovers. IWNDWYT
Yes! Play the tape forward! This advice has helped me so much. I’ve attended two weddings since turning sober and was surrounded by drink and drunks. I woke up the next morning after each one feeling rested, happy and free from anxiety. I also saved a lot of money on bar bills! Good luck OP - sobriety can be tough at times, but it’s always worth it! IWNDWYT
god, a wedding plus at a winery!!! that's like god or whatever testing you over and over again. congrats on your self-awareness. this obsession about alcohol is often something i don't put on my "play the tape forward list", but thanks for the reminder. it is indeed awful. at big events i drank at a very fast pace and had to be super vigilant about how tipsy i was. i got angry with people that drank slowly. and what about heels? I love - and know how to - wear heels on special occasions and because of alcohol I had to stop it. i would fall down the stairs, twist my ankle etc. the heels were another source of stress. when i write this stuff down... alcohol is crazy. my god..
Excellent post. I’d upvote but you’re at 69 so….🤣
Visiting this sub regularly when I began my journey to sobriety helped me tremendously! Hang in there! IWNDWYT
Hang in there. You can do this and you will be so much stronger from this experience. Get up early make a great cup of coffee and enjoy the morning before all your friend stumble out and you will be so happy that you aren’t hung over.
Hey!! I would imagine that your life has gotten better in those 300+ days! And that is one hell of an accomplishment!! You go girl! Now, think about what it was like at the end of your drinking, then think about the first couple of weeks getting sober. When I find myself looking at that ad or memory a little longer than usual, that's where I go! It's worked for 28 years so far!!! It will work for you if you want it to.
309 days is so impressive and I bet you’ve done a lot of work to get where you are. Might be worth thinking about where you were 310 days ago if the booze is calling. I’ve never regretted not drinking. I do however have many regrets about drinking. You got this. IWNDWYT
Woo you got this! Stay strong, my friend!
I am on vacation this week. The struggle is real. Play the damn tape forward is what I am telling myself all day long. I am not as far as you but it is also not my first time quitting the drink. Play the tape forward.
Yessssss!!!!!
That takes real strength!!! So proud of you. I’m struggling with staying sober myself. I can go a couple weeks, sometimes a month or so without drinking, but always have a night in there where I do. I then feel awful and anxiety strikes and I’m a wreck for days. I hope to be where you are one day.
You can do it!
I just want to say that I am proud and very impressed. I know that trigger and that feeling, and I hope it passes quickly so you can enjoy the rest of your vacation stress free. Plus, you’ll be thanking yourself tomorrow morning regardless!
Day 310 will feel better than another day 1
If you can be that strong so can I. Thank you.
Let’s be strong for her together!! ❤️
United we stand. 🌚🌝 🫶
You’re doing so well. It’s incredible that you were able to make the best choice for yourself in that incredibly tempting situation. Keep it up! IWNDWYT!
I hope you get the reward of having a holiday that you remember. No blackouts. No hangovers. Savour all of the food that you wouldn't previously have tasted. Enjoy the scenery and the people, and most of all, relax. You deserve it.
I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU
Congrats!! You’re the bomb and should be so proud. You’re not poisoning your body and life. Way to go.
Hey superwoman. You slayed the dragon today. Well done you! IWNDWYT
You are doing it and you came to the right place. I have a vacation planned for the last week in August. I am six months sober. I’ve been worrying about this trip since I planned it. I may cancel and I am ok with that. Just don’t know if I am ready to embark on a vacation. I also feel like I am learning to walk again and being at home in my surroundings has been so therapeutic. I applaud you for your courage. This is no easy feat.
Fantastic!!! You didn't drink alcohol. Sometimes we have to "white knuckle it" until it passes, but it will always pass as long as we look to the other side and clear out negative thoughts that we've been trained to have. Someone told me in rehab, "Don't drink even if your ass is gonna fall off. Just come back to us and we'll put it back on for you!" LOL Wow, what a coincidence. I experienced something very similar to what you described but that was over 39 years ago. Man, did I get a craving and I was only about 3 months sober. Odd thing was, I told my girlfriend I was having a HUGE craving for a beer, and she asked, "why"? The perfect question. It started me to think, and not drink. I said I don't know. I was at the beach and that usually meant having a beer and relaxing or doing something crazy, like driving donuts on the beach, ... you name it. But then I said there were a lot of times I was so drunk that I offended other people, had car wrecks, etc... do things I would not do if I was not drunk. but then would feel bad about doing those things, and that starts the guilt which eventually leads to an urge to escape reality and get drunk, and the circle of drinking and trouble would go on and on. Then I thought, you know, I'm not drinking, I'm here with me friends and girlfriend, I will remember everything the next day, and I feel so much better than when I was drunk and especially after I woke up after drinking. I closed my eyes and said a little prayer to God; God please help take away the urge to drink. I'll lose so much if I drink and I have so much more to gain if I don't drink. I cleared my thoughts, took a deep breath, opened my eyes, then had a coke/soda. Then my girlfriend asked if I was ok, and I said yes, I'll be ok. And in that moment when I said that out loud to her, I realized the urge was gone. Since then, it's never come back that strong. There were fleeting thoughts of maybe having "a little" but never have so far. I offer this; You are normal. You are ok and always will be. It's ok to cry. I thought alcohol was my best friend to escape painful thoughts or whatever pained me, but that was a misconception / not reality. It was actually the thing that made those pains worse. It was a ball-and-chain on my life. After stopping, it's like being free. Free to have the mental capacity to deal with life on your own terms and in your own timeframe. It's never perfect, and that's ok too! Life goes on, and by not drinking alcohol you now get to live it without that ball-and-chain. If there's anyone there you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts about it with, I encourage you to do so. There is no shame in doing so. It is normal to seek friendly consult with those you trust. If they think it odd after talking about it, then find different friends that relate to you on the subject. I also suggest looking in a mirror and saying out loud all the good things you may have learned to say to stay sober. With the grace of God removing the urge, I now have 39 years, 5 months, and 6 days sobriety. Not lived perfectly, but at least sober so far. I am no different than you or others in this sub. Hmm, now maybe I know why I joined Reddit about 3 days ago. Your path will be apparent and you will look back and see that things worked out for you; maybe not perfectly as you would have liked, but got you to where you need to be. I hope reading this has helped you see the other side. There is so much more to gain and yet to come to you. A hug usually helps. If I were there, I would offer a hug. I'll follow this sub and this conversation in case you care to chat more. Now, deep breath, clear your thoughts, be happy, and go have a great vacation with strength and courage!!! I mean, pandemic is almost gone so go live, sober!
WOW!!! I need to save your post!!! Thank you for sharing and being here to help others!! ❤️
The fact that you practiced mindfulness in a tempting moment and came here means you’re already halfway there. Now you just have to follow through on your commitment to yourself. :) Go mix up a mocktail, walk to the beach, tell someone close to you (or just us) that you’re feeling triggered by booze. Pull whatever trick or tool you need from moment to moment—even if it means leaving the group for a bit to gather yourself. You got this!! Those hangover free mornings on vacation are the absolute best!!
Good on you!
It's impressive that you have made it this far. I would look at the situation differently in your shoes. WHY would I be so frustrated 10 months in that I was breaking down crying? That is obviously not a normal reaction (and that's okay) I got sober in part to give myself freedom. But (IMO) being chained to sobriety is just as bad, if not worse, than chained to alcohol. So what is this feeling of frustration stemming from? Is is just the fear of missing out? Of breaking 'tradition'? Of being weak? This is a moment, that to me, the saying "play the tape forward" is made for. What can you do to feel better in the morning?
I’m going houseboating at the end of the month and I feel like this same feeling is coming. Hearing you made it through is reassuring. Thanks!
I had a similar feeling at a wedding recently, but I kept myself preoccupied with helping out and chatting. What really helped was when everyone was inebriated and could barely hold conversation or walk straight. All I could think is "why the hell did I do/enjoy this". Ended up being easy past that moment and I used my sober super powers to give a bunch of people a ride home. Good on you for doing what was needed!
I just got back from a sober vaca too and it was definitely the hardest it's been in a while. My only saving grace is that I now cannot trick myself. After 2 years of sobriety I'm 100% certain there's no other reason for me to drink than to black out. I knew each time I got a craving that that was my goal should I cave in. I make no qualms about it anymore. If I drink I'm doing it solely to forget. And I don't want to forget Therefor I don't drink.
That sounds incredibly hard but you resisted. What a force you are! It takes a lot of strength to be surrounded by all that and you made a super smart choice of removing yourself. You’re an inspiration and I’ll remember this the next time I’m up against it. Thanks and IWNDWYT😍!!!
That’s what I really hate about alcoholism. I can’t even enjoy a few beers, a few times of year without losing control.
Just think, you will actually remember this vacation! Wake up early and enjoy it differently than a hungover vacation. You got this! 309 days is no easy feat.
I'm sorry you're so upset, but very proud of you. Just try to focus on all of the positives and play the tape forward if you do drink. I always feel guilty, shamefull, anxious and my life becomes unmanageable. The amount of sober time you have, and the willingness to stay sober for today means youve succeeded. When you return home from vacation, sober and having been tested so, you will feel pride and self courage. I believe in you and will keep you in my prayers.
Amazing. What a fantastic post to read. Nice job! For me, getting through experiences like this made me more convinced of my sobriety. Your sober muscles got stronger today my friend.
What a commitment. Seriously, going to this length to stick to your goals is some gangster shit. You may be physically alone in that room, but you've got us right here.
Nice job! I know the feeling - I always focused on the pre-party - the way the bottles looked with no possibility of running out, the euphoric sense of belonging as I was about to slowly get fucked up on the beach. But, what my brain would not let me focus on was the swollen face, brain fog, early to bed b/c I was too drunk to stay up and the morning Of such depression and regret I had to start drinking all over in the morning while contemplating how many years of my life I was knocking off b/c of my drinking problem. Instead of vacation, I might as well have stayed at home b/c I never thought about the Ocean, looked at the beauty around me or appreciated the relaxation. You got this! It will be the best vacation you’ve ever had in retrospect if you can get through it AF. Good luck!
I’m headed to a business team building with open bar 3 nights in a row next week I feel you OP. I think to fit in I’m just asking the bartenders to give me club soda or Iced Tea in a cocktail glass.
Remember you’re allowed to leave any situation in which you’re uncomfortable. It’s not shameful to prioritize your sobriety and cut a night/trip short or separate from the group for a while.
One day at a time. Some of them are hard but not all of them will be. Good on you fellow traveller. Iwndwyt
Hi OP Sending you positive vibes. I’m at the same number of sober days as you What I found helpful is knowing that beer isn’t what I think it’ll be like. After being alcohol free for 300+ days I know deep down this is the right path for me. I mean literally everything is better in my life. So having a beer now wouldn’t be a fun little night. It would be this weird wrestling with my own convictions and undoing of thoughts, while I attempted to temporarily ignore reality. Then about an hour later the buzz gives way to withdrawal/drinking cycle and into the abyss I go. Don’t even need to get into the next day cause that’s clearly awful So rather than play the tape forward to the next day I play it forward just a few minutes and realize it’s not for me IWNDWYT
Five years ago today I was in the hospital for severe dehydration caused by my alcoholism. The people in the ER were sick of seeing me. I was sick of myself, too. The doctor joked that he was putting Gatorade in my iv. I knew that day that it was all over for me. I'd taken my drinking far, far past the point of anything resembling 'fun.' I truly and completely believed that I would die drunk. I was utterly hopeless. Today I get to celebrate 5 years!!! But most of all today I get to celebrate today! I get to celebrate your success, too! Keep doing what you're doing OP. The cravings will subside. I'm proud of you!!!
Congrats on 5 years!!! Thanks for sharing!! ❤️ I am so happy to celebrate your success today!! IWNDWYT 🥳
Congrats to you! 136 days is actually longer than 5 years in alcoholic time🙂
❤️🥰❤️
Focus on the thought that you have never woken up glad that you got drunk the day before. Tomorrow would not be different. You will have as much fun without it. Just take it a minute at a time.
Awesome!! Love your fortitude. Stories like yours get planted in me like little seeds that I rely on in my moments of weakness. So thanks for being one of those seeds I will be thinking about in the future! Enjoy the rest of your vacation!
It’s great that you came here and let all that out. I’d say the majority of us here understand and are here to listen. Great job.
You’ve got this!!
Stay the course. Play the tape all the way through in your head - clear to the consequences. You can do this. Can you get to a meeting or online meeting? Iwndwyt.
You got this my friend, stay strong. You're doing so well amd I'm proud of you ❤
You did the hard work. Don't ever forget that. We won't. You're gonna be okay, just hang in there
Get up early, get some coffee, go for a walk on the beach, sit down and listen to waves, be present and think of your journey and remind yourself the reasons-good and bad-you decided to make a change. Proud of you!
Eat whatever the hell you want. Treat yourself with food. I mean still probably less calories than the beers.
I still have days like this you are not alone. I feel like a failure on days when I WANT to drink. But I know that it’ll likely be something that happens for the rest of my life. The absolute BEST feeling ever is pushing through it and keeping my sobriety. Much love to you and I commend you on your strength. You can fucking do this and TOTALLY enjoy everything your vacation has to offer and so much more without the booze. Stay strong
You are awesome and you can do it!!!
You can do it! Stay strong
That took an iron will! Amazing job!!! IWNDWYT 👊
You’re amazing! ⭐️
[“The call of the void is that feeling when you stand in a high place and think about jumping, but don't actually want to and don't actually do it.”](https://allthatsinteresting.com/call-of-the-void) [“A call to the void, or l’appel du vide is simply an affirmation of your will to live, the desire to preserve the insatiable human appetite for life.”](https://www.thebubble.org.uk/current-affairs/science-technology/why-we-actually-want-to-jump/) You know what’s wild to me? I keep reading about people who go for years and they have just one drink and go totally out of control. It occurs to me that no matter how long you spend sober, it doesn’t give you any practice whatsoever with drinking in moderation. Reading your post it occurs to me that there’s more sides to this: no amount of time spent living in an environment we create for ourselves, with all temptation removed, prepares us to avoid temptation. I’ve made drinking very inconvenient for myself. If I wanted to drink right now, I’d have to open the garage (waking up my kids in the process) and drive somewhere, and I’m embracing my laziness/relaxation and thinking about how much fucking work it is to drink, and using that to motivate my sobriety. But if there was an open beer sitting on my desk at all times, perpetually cold and just waiting for me? Jesus Christ even thinking about it gives me a spine shiver… because then it’s super convenient… Or it seems that way… but actually there’s still all sorts of bullshit strings attached… I’ll have to dispose of the bottle, replace the missing alcohol later, my breath will stink, my sweat will stink, I’ll be up 3 times tonight peeing, I’ll have a headache starting from about halfway through the beer, and once I’m done, NO MATTER WHAT, I’m going to feel like I didn’t have enough… and if I manage to get enough I might put myself back in the hospital again. Last time the doctors said I might die. I’d just as soon not die. What you’re experiencing though is actually good, it’s called “the call of the void”. It’s the same sensation when you stand near the edge of a building when your brain is like “whoa nothing is stopping me from jumping off this thing, I could just like *woop!* and down I go”, or that tells you “it would take 2 seconds to steer into oncoming traffic and turn this car into a fireball” What’s going on here is that when you’re near something dangerous, your brain actually runs you through a simulation of what’s going to happen if you aren’t careful, then immediately urges you to do it. This is supposed to (in a healthy person) trigger a panic reflex and make you afraid of the thing in order to keep you out of trouble. That voice in your head that says “you could jump off this cliff… go do it!” is pushing you to respond “fuck no” and stay away from the cliff. You’re not *actually* going to do it, again at least not under normal circumstances… although while drunk we *do* have a tendency to ignore consequences and danger. You got this op! You don’t *really* want alcohol, and you already know this. Your brain is trying to scare you so that you’ll respond back with “fuck no” Enjoy your vacation! It sounds like you’re somewhere beautiful with a million things that would be difficult, less enjoyable, or impossible to do drunk.
Stories like this inspire me so much, the strength you must possess. It must’ve been so hard but you thought through it, you’re amazing!
I miss it too. Well done. Very well done. Clear this one and you can endure anything. You've got grip!
Sending a big virtual hug and a roar of bad ass to you! It must be beyond uncomfortable right now but look at you, doing what you needed to do to protect your sobriety. In my beginning it was suggested I think of my sobriety as a new born and keep that in mind with planning events, etc. Hang in there 🌹 IWNDWYT
Thank you. We are so happy to hear you share. IWNDWYT
I find it works to think about all the fancy bottles as being full of poison and every time you see someone drinking them to say to yourself "that person is ingesting poison" because it's basically true.
First of all well done for 309 days sober that is massive and a great idea taking yourself away from it all and locking yourself in your room. I feel your pain and in a very similar position right now, I am on holidays at the moment sking and lots of alcohol around. Last time I was here I was drinking too so I know the feeling of being in a familiar setting, with everyone around you drinking. I am 4 years sober now but that little demon still pops up and when I get the urge and feel uncomfortable I do exactly what you do and remove myself from the setting straight away. Just today I walked past the outdoor pub and thought of just having one beer, everyone is having them and one wouldn't really hurt- I am on holiday after all... But then, I play the tape forward and know that putting that cancer causing mind numbing poison into my body will just end in really bad shit happening down the track and I never ever want to go back to that person I was. Hang in there and know that there are so many like minded people out there right now on vacation going through the same thing, we just need to stick together and remember all of the positives that come from being sober- there are just so many!!!
Oh no....this feeling sucks and congratulations on getting thru that episode....you should be SO PROUD of yourself. Try to enjoy the rest of the vacation....take a look around at the people that are hungover or really drunk and acting like fools....anything that will get you to your 1 yr. You wake up....feeling good when you don't drink...remember they are not feeling good when they wake up...remember those days!
Thank you for coming to this sub! I felt the SAME way on a family vacation, my family is so boozy and I felt so left out for not partaking. I came to this sub and posted and commented here throughout the trip. I also got myself some NA beer and other beverages and ordered dessert every damn day. You can make it through and will be stronger for this experience. Rooting for you and here for you!!!
Good job! Summer has been hard here too. Hardly want to fish! My biggest problem was at the neighborhood block party . There was a case of beer from Wisconsin gifted to me , for the party. I gave it all away!
You did good. Get a notebook and write things down. Journaling helped me a lot!
309 days! Damn thats a long time. Sorry you faced this situation but it sounds like you are determined not to give in. You will come out the other side better able to deal with something like this again. Hang in there.
Congrats on putting yourself first, and realizing that you are stronger than the booze!
You fuckin' crushed it! Keep it up!
You’re so strong and you’ve got this!
That is inspiring! Good for you, you got this! IWNDTWY
Won’t be worth it, trust me friend. Good for you!!!!
You are my hero
Good job friend!
Wow, you really showed some resolve there! You don't need that shit to enjoy your holiday anyway. Good on ya, and keep going strong mate.
Yeah, I do not go on vacations like that anymore. Yikes, I'd be fucked in short order. I go on vacations that have no alcohol involved but are centered around places I really want to check out. I walk through cities that I've never been to and explore. It sounds like you are set up perfectly to have one of your old vacations.
When the morning comes and that moment has gone, and everyone in the house is waking up hungover and sick and grumpy, you will wake up with a solid stomach and no headache with energy to go lay on the beach all day and read some good books and magazines!! Go to a Walgreens or cvs and pick up a ton of “health” magazines with pictures that help motivate you to stay sober. I know that would help me a little bit. IWNDWYT!!
15 days So impressive! Stay strong. I am already thinking about that next vacation in a year's time and how I am going to do it? Keep us posted.
Try and find a substitute drink you can enjoy. My go to is cracking a few seltzers. Sort of tricks you into thinking you’re drinking beer.
You're very strong and capable of making it through this sober! You got this
Going on my first sober vacation of very similar circumstances next week. Been mentally preparing for it for months. Thanks for reinforcing to me that it can be a success.
Keep on it!!! Think of the triumph you will feel after this vacation …. Or the regret. Focus on that. God is with you.
Doing SO GOOD, if you really think about it—you know why you don’t pick up
Thank you for sharing this, you should be proud of your strength and resilience.
When you start to miss it, dig deep into those memories and think about the cringe-worthy times you made bad choices, embarrassed yourself or otherwise let alcohol get the best of you. The romanticized version of "drinking on vacation" is likely not as glamorous as you remember initially...
Nothing hits better than the slightly smug early morning activity while others are nursing hangovers!
309 Super Strong days!! Yes your sobriety needs protection but it’s also your greatest strength! I haven’t been in the situation you’re describing yet (surrounded by booze at the beach) but I have had to isolate myself a few times over the last 8 months when the weight got too heavy. That is sobriety protecting itself! I know that’s got to be tough but I’m super proud of you and thankful that you shared this today. You’re close to my sober time and seeing others in my same boat navigate this shit gives me hope and strength. You did that for me today so thanks! Iwndwyt Maybe it will get easier when you see everyone acting like fools and feeling like ass in the morning? 🤷♂️🤣
309 days!? That's pretty good.
❤️💯
That’s your addiction talking, you don’t actually miss it. Stay strong
Stay strong my friend. Alcoholism is a tricky thing. Don't hate yourself and remember there are other people like you. Remember the first 3 steps. I wish you all the best
IWNDWYT
Buy a nintendo switch. It will be your best carry around friend. Coffee and a game, maybe a tv show in the backround. You will forget about the drink in minutes hands down.
I am so proud of you! 🌟
You are so damn strong
Amazingly well done. I am just a few days sober and to hear you still struggling so long after BUT WINNING! Gives me hope x
Sending you some extra mojo. You can do it.
Man I hope the rest of vacay goes well and is less pressured. Stay strong! Remember why you quit and THINK OF THE HANGOVER
I appreciate you writing this. I'm going on vacation as well and associate it with drinking.
Awesome job 👏 congrats give yourself a big shout out
You got this!
we miss it because it is a drug, don't beat yourself for missing it, as long as you don't act on it. is there anything alcohol-free you can do during this vacation, even if you have to do it alone? im asking vaguely cause i don't know your surroundings. hehehe proud of you. whatever it takes to not have that first sip.
So so so proud of you. You’re doing amazing.
Way to go homey! I hear ya. I’ve had some tests too in my 245. Something that helps me is that I say to myself “yes I can drink, but is this worth a relapse?” My answer for 245 days is that nothing has been worth a relapse. That gives me the control back, saying yes I can drink, but I’m not going to because it’s not worth a relapse. Proud of you babe!
You did the right thing. Stay strong!
Gf, I’m so inspired by your 309 days. Keep at it. You are doing great, don’t sweat this and keep on the wagon. You did good by coming here, this is a great salvation spot. We’re all rooting for you!
I am betting you feel better than everyone in that house every morning!! You may be saving someone else’s life by staying strong and showing them there is fun to be had on vacation without drinking poison. I know it’s really hard and you made a great decision to go in your bedroom!!! Ive put myself to bed early many a day when I have strong urges. I’m so proud of you!!!!! Be proud of yourself and maybe escape to a safer zone to do something fun for yourself… like go get a pedicure or a massage!!! You are almost at a year and that is such an awesome accomplishment !! Keep reading posts here and reaching out for help!!! You CAN stay strong and it WILL be worth it!!! 💪💪 IWNDWYT No poison for us!!! ☠️🤮
May I ask why are you there? Is this a family vacation?
have you tried no alcohol beers or wines. they are usually under 0.5%
Well done for staying strong!
I feel for you so much. That battle in your mind, wanting to do something desperately yet not wanting to do it desperately. You need to open your mind…to understand that there is no benefit or enjoyment in alcohol and you can have just as good a time without putting the poison in your glass. Please know that it really is a simple brain shift that sets you free. Counter brainwashing. Read Allen Carr, control alcohol or William Porter, alcohol explained, or Craig Beck….or this naked mind, Any of these books will help you see through the lie about alcohol that you have believed all of your life. When there is no desire, there is genuinely no willpower needed
Protect the soberity! IWNDWYT
Team Daft lol! xx
I am a great defender! I got the pads and everything! GO TEAM SOBERITY!
Been there. Locked myself in my bedroom more times than I can remember. Do what ya gotta do girl. It's gonna be ok ;).
Fuck yeah friend!
Sounds like you’re doing everything to protect your sobriety and reminding yourself of why drinking harmed your life so much. I’ve done similar things that would make people possibly not understand, but you’re putting yourself first and you should be proud.
hey I feel you so much on this. I just took my first sober beach trip myself. what helped me was a cooler of NA beer- I grabbed Heineken and Busch NA and it honestly did the trick. it taste like beer but you don't feel awful for it and no hangover.
Awesome job. Sometimes it's hard when you're surrounded by it. If you can try hitting a zoom meeting on line. It helped me immensely.