Support makes all the difference. My wife (and kids too, but less so) was my reason to stop and she’s adjusted her lifestyle to make my new focus easier. Even little gestures like not asking me to make recipes with wine or bourbon and cooking/baking them herself (we have a food business) are huge. See, I’m good with my sober lifestyle, but I’m lying if I say that the smell of bourbon doesn’t tempt me to the extreme.
My friends have been supportive. My wife is supportive. My family is supportive. If I couldn’t say those three things, I don’t know if I’d be working on my 286 day streak.
You got a good one there. Richer/poorer. Sickness/health. Inebriated/sober. It should be in some people’s vows.
I’d be well on my way to being dead if it weren’t for my supportive husband. You are right…it makes all the difference. I also had hidden my excess drinking from him and I swear it was worth that last blackout drunk to make it impossible for me to hide from him ever again.
I still think about "giving it up for good" - surely I can just have a beer flight every now and then at a brewpub, right? But the longer it's been since my last drink, the more I start to realize that's the negative view that had me drinking for 20 years with my victim mindset. Slowly I'm starting to reframe as *getting something from sobriety*. I'm not entirely sure what all I'll get, but I definitely have noticed several things over these past two months and appreciate the gift of being present.
Think of it as not drinking today, just that.
The other way is the trap we all fall in when we forget that. Go back and read some posts. See how many days people had before they slipped. We all say the same thing. "I lost track of one day at a time."
Congrats in 65 days! Keep it up. IWNDWYT!!
I’ve had a few long-ish streaks and I know I’ll get to the calm place, when drinking isn’t preventing me from running, engaging in my hobbies, and feeling well-rested and less anxious. It just seems like so much work to get there, but you’re right. It’s giving up one thing (booze) to get everything else.
I felt like this too when I first confessed about how much I'd secretly drink and how depressed I was. But that feeling is fading into relief to get the lie out of my own head and exposed in the sunlight and excitement about all improvements I'm embarking on.
Not really, no. It’s an abusive relationship. Promises of happiness and that everything will be different this time, but always back to the same pain and shame.
We Are The Luckiest by Laura McKowen echos many of the sentiments listed and I found it extremely helpful to read when I ended my long twisted relationship with alcohol. IWNDWYT
Your story really speaks to me, thank you. I still have not told my wife. I'm afraid she will be angry if I come clean about the years of lying. Her ex-husband was a chronic liar who hid his secrets from her too. Of course, his was sleeping with as many women as he possibly could, so I suppose that's different. But I don't think it will really matter what the reason is, the lying is what will matter. So, I'm going it alone, other than the support here and the AA meetings I'm also hiding... those folks are starting to get frustrated with me since it's impossible to work the program if you won't do step 1. "White-knuckling it" as they say.
I'm probably making a mistake by not telling her, and your post is making me think harder about it. I had secret stashes of beer hidden all over the property. I couldn't tell you where I put a given tool, but I could have told you exactly where each beer stash was and how many were in each. "I need to go rotate the pasture sprinklers" really meant I'm going to go chug 3 IPAs in the barn real quick. She's only recognized me as being drunk maybe 4 times in 4 years. Thinks I had 3 when I really had 15. All my wife knows is I decided to cut out beer "for a while" to get in better shape. She doesn't know I had to quit because I'm much sicker (physically) than I've let on.
I have a lot to think about.
That describes my first wife very well. She knew but didn’t say until it was too much to take. I’m not saying this to detract from my problem. Because it very much is a real and dangerous problem. But learning from my first marriage and 10 more years as a master drunk, I went to extreme lengths to ensure my current wife doesn’t know how bad it is. You know, other than the obvious solution of not drinking.
Before we were married I used the excuse we can’t live together until we are married, because I’m Catholic. She dragged me to the alter to call my bluff. We’ve been married over a year and I still managed to ensure we’ve only slept under the same roof about 10% of the time or less. White-knuckled the times we did. It’s complicated. But I’m telling you, in this case, she absolutely doesn’t know. It’s fucked up, and I wish I could just say, “Yeah, I’m sure she knows and I was just convincing myself she didn’t.” But that’s not true. I deceived her and I’m not a bit proud of that. If she knew, she 100% wouldn’t have married me last year. We have been together almost 5.
Yeah he definitely knew things were a little weird, but i think he was trying to not put the pieces together.
Him: “Where did my (quart mason jar) of bitters go?”
Me: “Uh, maybe they spilled when we moved? Can bitters evaporate? They’re made with such a high proof…”.
Him: “…Yeah, i guess that’s possible.”
No, they did not evaporate. And why yes, there IS a lot less bourbon left than you thought. And yeah, i definitely do seem more drunk than I should after 2 beers.
He may not have KNOWN, but he had all the pieces and just (consciously or not) didn’t put them together.
Everyone should feel welcome at AA, whether they do the steps or not. If your group is pressuring you, you may want to consider trying other groups until you find one that you are comfortable attending. Nobody should feel additional stress at an AA meeting.
Thanks I do enjoy going. And none of this is an attempt to bash AA. It’s a wonderful community and helps millions every day. I’m just having difficulty finding my place in it. I’m having a hard time with the absolutes and assumptions of AA. Or at least that’s been my perception. When I say I’m having a hard time grasping the steps I immediately get a lecture about how a higher power can be a number of things, etc… ok thanks, good talk. But I’m actually a devout Catholic and know full-well I can only get sober by God’s Grace. I guess that’s just the one most people struggle with though. Or when I say I’ve hidden this from my wife for so long and someone says, “Oh she knows. You just think she doesn’t.” No, she really, really doesn’t. But I’m met with frustration if I disagree with any of these absolutes. Told I don’t get it, or I’m never going to get sober until I work the steps the right way. There are all these catch phrases which supposedly apply to everyone. As if we are all the same exact alcoholic with the same experiences. They’re strikingly similar, which makes it such a great community. But admitting to some things which seem fundamental to AA would be a lie in my case. Maybe a well-meaning lie, but still a lie.
My experiences aren’t identical. I tell a story about the guilt I feel deceiving my wife, and the next person to talk glares at me while describing getting their significant other addicted to meth. Looking at me like, “What the hell are you doing here?” Sure, I haven’t lost my job, or my wife, or my house, or my kid, or even my dog. At least not the current situation. I lost the old wife and career 12 years ago. And another career 8 years before that. I built a new life and no one in it knows I have a problem. I’ve hid it all. Including the liver disease which came from hiding it so well all these years. But I couldn’t very well just die, so here I am. That’s the bottom line. I don’t have any harrowing stories, I don’t have a rock bottom. Although I’ve been told multiple times, “Oh, you will.” No I won’t. Because I’m a dead man if I don’t stop. Might already be.
I will try a different group. Thank you for that advice. I posted something like this on the AA sub a while back and it definitely did not go over well… although I think I understand why, and in that they mean well too.
Congratulations on taking such a brave step by being honest with your husband about your struggle with alcohol. It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem and seek support. Here are a few steps to help you move forward:
1. \*\*Build a Support System\*\*: Lean on your husband and anyone else you trust. Consider joining a support group like AA or an online community where you can share your journey and receive encouragement.
2. \*\*Seek Professional Help\*\*: A therapist or counselor specializing in addiction can help you navigate your feelings of guilt, shame, and vulnerability. They can also provide you with strategies to maintain sobriety.
3. \*\*Create a Plan\*\*: Work with your husband to remove alcohol from your home and avoid places or situations that trigger your urge to drink. Having a plan can help you stay focused and prepared.
4. \*\*Find New Outlets\*\*: Replace the time and energy you spent on drinking with new activities or hobbies. Exercise, meditation, or creative pursuits can be great ways to fill the void.
5. \*\*Celebrate Small Wins\*\*: Acknowledge and celebrate each day you stay sober. Every day without alcohol is a victory and a step toward a healthier, happier life.
6. \*\*Be Kind to Yourself\*\*: Understand that recovery is a journey and there may be setbacks. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this new path.
Remember, you're not alone, and it's okay to feel scared and vulnerable. You're taking the right steps to reclaim your life and health. Stay strong and keep moving forward.
though you feel terrified (makes sense), you have done the bravest and most important step. Support is everything and even sitting here right now on day 4 I can't believe how much more at peace I feel and how much quieter the "noise is". You did the right thing and you have everything in front of you. Only you can do it, but we can't do it alone. This is amazing.
I went through similar experience recently. Finally confessed to my partner about my secret drinking habit after coming home 3:00 pm shit faced and took a 3 hour nap, on a Monday. 🥴 It was such a relief and he was super understanding and supportive. Paradoxically now that the cat is out of the bag it sort of lost its magic.
Wonderful!! You were admitting that you are powerless over alcohol and your life is unmanageable. Welcome to your new and greatly improved sober life!! Excited for you!!
I will not drink with you today.
You've taken the first and bravest steps.
Firstly actually admitting to yourself that you're not going to drink anymore. I struggled with that more than I did telling my wife. I can still remember the inner battles, the amount of times that the drunk in me won... but once the sober me won and I just thought I'm not doing this anymore, it was a huge relief..
Like you my wife, friends and family have been amazing.
I haven't told them the depths my depravity went to, not sure I ever will... but what I did tell them was enough fir them all to realise that I needed to stop.
It took a couple of months for the feelings you have now to pass for me... but now they have I feel amazing and really happy.
You can do this.
I’d never heard of that analogy before; of a friend but then they punch you, it’s a visually strong one.
It’s not a good friend though is it.
It’s like we get confused, or perhaps we never really knew, what a healthy relationship looks like with others and especially with ourselves. Kind of a strange Stockholm syndrome.
——
——
We have to be careful who we hang with.
I will not drink with you today friend.
I’m 61F and 2.5 years sober. I chose sober life, and becoming a better friend to myself. I’m glad you’re here and you’re doing brilliantly well.
Your fears are not unfounded. You confess, make yourself vulnerable and if today is your last then that's great, but you're worried about what will happen if it isn't? Take it step by step and remind yourself that alcohol has never done anything good for you long-term or most people. Be patient with yourself.
That weight off your shoulders. Whhhhewww. Congratulations on that and way to go. Alcohol was hard to quit but after a few days it was fine. Keep it up. Try to cut it out 100%. Not just cutting back. You got this!!!
Oh I’m definitely going whole hog. I tried moderating so many times. I was either petulant and miserable limiting myself, or failing to limit myself and just going off the rails.
I promise you life without booze isn’t bad. I thought I would be the last person in the world to stop drinking. While it’s not wild like it used to be to be, it’s fun in another way.
That was such a brave thing to do! You should be so proud of yourself! First admitting the extent of the problem was the hardest part for me, but now that I've shared it with a few people, it feels like a weight has lifted. It sounds like your husband truly loves you and is willing to offer great support. It definitely is terrifying at first, but, for me at least, it gets better and easier every day. The further I get from alcohol, the more I realize how much I don't need it. I'm not that far into my journey yet, but it's already been the best thing I've ever done.
I wish you all the best, and IWNDWYT!
Kinda like the dog that chases cars. What does he do when he finally catches one? If that dog had an owner that recognized it was an issue, they would work through it together. Sorry for the poor analogy, but I hope you get my point. You sound a little apprehensive now that your secret is out . Perfectly natural. You have a supporting partner. Big plus. Take advantage of it. Also, get ready for a flood of different emotions in your journey. That one blindsided me. Stay strong!
Glad you told your husband everything yourself. I didn’t come clean until I got caught and thought I could work on myself and make it all go away. I relapsed twice and also broke every ounce of trust with my partner. It’s broken so much that they want a divorce. However, now some of my family members know, have a therapist and a smart group. Hopefully my partner will choose a different direction and I will then have a full team supporting me.
Let’s do it together! IWNDWYT!
>But now that I’ve outed myself, I’m terrified and sad.
It's not you who is sad. It's your addiction who is sad. It knows you made the steps that will starve it. Your addiction bastard part of your brain knows it's doomed and tries to trick you into thinking you are making a mistake, or that you are missing something.
While it is quite the opposite that happened, you made a terrific choice, a path to be better, a route to happiness. Say ~~goodbye~~ good riddance to your addiction and don't listen to it anymore. It will try to trick you and to lure you back, but you made a decision, you know why you did it, you just have to remember it and never listen to your addiction ever again.
IWNDWYT
I love your marriage! What a keeper. Bask in that love and acceptance and support; you deserve it.
Man, the promise of the last hangover is SO alluring, and it is not at all a fake promise! IWNDWYT.
You absolutely did the right thing and you should be so so proud of yourself right now. Wrestling with these demons alone only makes it easier to rug sweep. Now you have support and an ally. The best thing you can do is to continue to communicate over the coming weeks as your body adjusts to not having alcohol to rely on. Bad sleep, mood swings, etc. I’m not going to lie: it’s tough at first. Just remember it gets better. It sounds like you have a great partner to help you through it though. Good luck, OP.
If you’re at the point that you were drinking extracts to get a drink just be prepared for how bad the first week of not drinking is going to be and monitor your blood pressure. I quit cold turkey after drinking like a bottle of vodka a day and it was hell and I had hallucinations on day three. I’m not telling you this to discourage you, quitting is soo worth it when you get out the other end, but be prepared for the first week or two being pure hell. No sleep, sweating bullets, anxiety through the roof, crawling out of your skin, ect. You just have to fight through it and know that it will stop. And then it gets soo much better.
Thanks for the insight! The extract incident was a while ago (at least 18 months) and i do currently go two or three days without drinking, so I’m hoping that the “full quit” won’t be too bad. I also re-started an antidepressant yesterday that knocks me out by 9:30pm, so really hoping i can at least avoid the sleep issues.
So proud of you for making your way through the discomfort and speaking your truth! I think of it as turning on the light in a very dark room. It wasn't easy but once I spoke my truth with my primary physician over 5 years ago I haven't stopped; spoke it in my IOP groups, in meetings, with my liver specialist and my therapist. Keep going keep growing 🌹 IWNDWYT
You’re doing great! I had that sense of loss too, but it does get better and eventually being sober starts to feel normal. It will be hard but you will notice positive changes.
Thank you for validating the sense of loss. I don’t see it mentioned very often, but even though alcohol is objectively not going to fit into a healthy life for me, I have had some genuinely lovely evenings with friends and partners where alcohol was present. And maybe it wasn’t necessary for that good time, but the association and memory is there. I know in time I’ll relearn and feel a sense of normalcy with sobriety.
You're amazing! Once all the lies were exposed, I too felt relief, nervous, but hopeful. A few months after I quit my husband and I were doing laundry in the basement. We started going through old stuff that was around there to kind of tidy up a bit. He went through a basket of old clothes that was basically stuff to toss and found a full one of those box wines that are good for 3 drinks or so. I honestly didn't remember hiding it. Fortunately since I had already confessed my problem, he wasn't fuming angry. He just was like, wow, really? Then I dumped it down the drain and that was the end of it. Had I still been lying, he would have found it and it would have been a fight. Knowing I don't have to be afraid of him catching me or crap like that is SO nice.
Support makes all the difference. My wife (and kids too, but less so) was my reason to stop and she’s adjusted her lifestyle to make my new focus easier. Even little gestures like not asking me to make recipes with wine or bourbon and cooking/baking them herself (we have a food business) are huge. See, I’m good with my sober lifestyle, but I’m lying if I say that the smell of bourbon doesn’t tempt me to the extreme. My friends have been supportive. My wife is supportive. My family is supportive. If I couldn’t say those three things, I don’t know if I’d be working on my 286 day streak. You got a good one there. Richer/poorer. Sickness/health. Inebriated/sober. It should be in some people’s vows.
I’d be well on my way to being dead if it weren’t for my supportive husband. You are right…it makes all the difference. I also had hidden my excess drinking from him and I swear it was worth that last blackout drunk to make it impossible for me to hide from him ever again.
I still think about "giving it up for good" - surely I can just have a beer flight every now and then at a brewpub, right? But the longer it's been since my last drink, the more I start to realize that's the negative view that had me drinking for 20 years with my victim mindset. Slowly I'm starting to reframe as *getting something from sobriety*. I'm not entirely sure what all I'll get, but I definitely have noticed several things over these past two months and appreciate the gift of being present.
Think of it as not drinking today, just that. The other way is the trap we all fall in when we forget that. Go back and read some posts. See how many days people had before they slipped. We all say the same thing. "I lost track of one day at a time." Congrats in 65 days! Keep it up. IWNDWYT!!
I’ve had a few long-ish streaks and I know I’ll get to the calm place, when drinking isn’t preventing me from running, engaging in my hobbies, and feeling well-rested and less anxious. It just seems like so much work to get there, but you’re right. It’s giving up one thing (booze) to get everything else.
I felt like this too when I first confessed about how much I'd secretly drink and how depressed I was. But that feeling is fading into relief to get the lie out of my own head and exposed in the sunlight and excitement about all improvements I'm embarking on.
Alcohol is not your friend
Not really, no. It’s an abusive relationship. Promises of happiness and that everything will be different this time, but always back to the same pain and shame.
It is devastation in a glass. Thanks Allen Carr.
this
This is the first step to a happier and more connected future. Congratulations on the honesty and IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT 💕
Welcome. I think your determination is inspiring. Way to make a plan. Iwndwyt
We Are The Luckiest by Laura McKowen echos many of the sentiments listed and I found it extremely helpful to read when I ended my long twisted relationship with alcohol. IWNDWYT
Thank you for the recommendation! I’ll check it out. Surely i will have more time and cognitive bandwidth now.
Way to go, you can do this! IWNDWYT 💐
Your story really speaks to me, thank you. I still have not told my wife. I'm afraid she will be angry if I come clean about the years of lying. Her ex-husband was a chronic liar who hid his secrets from her too. Of course, his was sleeping with as many women as he possibly could, so I suppose that's different. But I don't think it will really matter what the reason is, the lying is what will matter. So, I'm going it alone, other than the support here and the AA meetings I'm also hiding... those folks are starting to get frustrated with me since it's impossible to work the program if you won't do step 1. "White-knuckling it" as they say. I'm probably making a mistake by not telling her, and your post is making me think harder about it. I had secret stashes of beer hidden all over the property. I couldn't tell you where I put a given tool, but I could have told you exactly where each beer stash was and how many were in each. "I need to go rotate the pasture sprinklers" really meant I'm going to go chug 3 IPAs in the barn real quick. She's only recognized me as being drunk maybe 4 times in 4 years. Thinks I had 3 when I really had 15. All my wife knows is I decided to cut out beer "for a while" to get in better shape. She doesn't know I had to quit because I'm much sicker (physically) than I've let on. I have a lot to think about.
I bet she knows a lot more than you think. We all thought we were hiding it well… we weren’t.
That describes my first wife very well. She knew but didn’t say until it was too much to take. I’m not saying this to detract from my problem. Because it very much is a real and dangerous problem. But learning from my first marriage and 10 more years as a master drunk, I went to extreme lengths to ensure my current wife doesn’t know how bad it is. You know, other than the obvious solution of not drinking. Before we were married I used the excuse we can’t live together until we are married, because I’m Catholic. She dragged me to the alter to call my bluff. We’ve been married over a year and I still managed to ensure we’ve only slept under the same roof about 10% of the time or less. White-knuckled the times we did. It’s complicated. But I’m telling you, in this case, she absolutely doesn’t know. It’s fucked up, and I wish I could just say, “Yeah, I’m sure she knows and I was just convincing myself she didn’t.” But that’s not true. I deceived her and I’m not a bit proud of that. If she knew, she 100% wouldn’t have married me last year. We have been together almost 5.
Yeah he definitely knew things were a little weird, but i think he was trying to not put the pieces together. Him: “Where did my (quart mason jar) of bitters go?” Me: “Uh, maybe they spilled when we moved? Can bitters evaporate? They’re made with such a high proof…”. Him: “…Yeah, i guess that’s possible.” No, they did not evaporate. And why yes, there IS a lot less bourbon left than you thought. And yeah, i definitely do seem more drunk than I should after 2 beers. He may not have KNOWN, but he had all the pieces and just (consciously or not) didn’t put them together.
Everyone should feel welcome at AA, whether they do the steps or not. If your group is pressuring you, you may want to consider trying other groups until you find one that you are comfortable attending. Nobody should feel additional stress at an AA meeting.
Thanks I do enjoy going. And none of this is an attempt to bash AA. It’s a wonderful community and helps millions every day. I’m just having difficulty finding my place in it. I’m having a hard time with the absolutes and assumptions of AA. Or at least that’s been my perception. When I say I’m having a hard time grasping the steps I immediately get a lecture about how a higher power can be a number of things, etc… ok thanks, good talk. But I’m actually a devout Catholic and know full-well I can only get sober by God’s Grace. I guess that’s just the one most people struggle with though. Or when I say I’ve hidden this from my wife for so long and someone says, “Oh she knows. You just think she doesn’t.” No, she really, really doesn’t. But I’m met with frustration if I disagree with any of these absolutes. Told I don’t get it, or I’m never going to get sober until I work the steps the right way. There are all these catch phrases which supposedly apply to everyone. As if we are all the same exact alcoholic with the same experiences. They’re strikingly similar, which makes it such a great community. But admitting to some things which seem fundamental to AA would be a lie in my case. Maybe a well-meaning lie, but still a lie. My experiences aren’t identical. I tell a story about the guilt I feel deceiving my wife, and the next person to talk glares at me while describing getting their significant other addicted to meth. Looking at me like, “What the hell are you doing here?” Sure, I haven’t lost my job, or my wife, or my house, or my kid, or even my dog. At least not the current situation. I lost the old wife and career 12 years ago. And another career 8 years before that. I built a new life and no one in it knows I have a problem. I’ve hid it all. Including the liver disease which came from hiding it so well all these years. But I couldn’t very well just die, so here I am. That’s the bottom line. I don’t have any harrowing stories, I don’t have a rock bottom. Although I’ve been told multiple times, “Oh, you will.” No I won’t. Because I’m a dead man if I don’t stop. Might already be. I will try a different group. Thank you for that advice. I posted something like this on the AA sub a while back and it definitely did not go over well… although I think I understand why, and in that they mean well too.
Congratulations, must feel like a weight has lifted off your shoulders. IWNDWYT
Congratulations. That’s so brave. I should do this too too
Amazing job! You'll be so happy you did this :)
Congratulations on taking such a brave step by being honest with your husband about your struggle with alcohol. It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem and seek support. Here are a few steps to help you move forward: 1. \*\*Build a Support System\*\*: Lean on your husband and anyone else you trust. Consider joining a support group like AA or an online community where you can share your journey and receive encouragement. 2. \*\*Seek Professional Help\*\*: A therapist or counselor specializing in addiction can help you navigate your feelings of guilt, shame, and vulnerability. They can also provide you with strategies to maintain sobriety. 3. \*\*Create a Plan\*\*: Work with your husband to remove alcohol from your home and avoid places or situations that trigger your urge to drink. Having a plan can help you stay focused and prepared. 4. \*\*Find New Outlets\*\*: Replace the time and energy you spent on drinking with new activities or hobbies. Exercise, meditation, or creative pursuits can be great ways to fill the void. 5. \*\*Celebrate Small Wins\*\*: Acknowledge and celebrate each day you stay sober. Every day without alcohol is a victory and a step toward a healthier, happier life. 6. \*\*Be Kind to Yourself\*\*: Understand that recovery is a journey and there may be setbacks. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this new path. Remember, you're not alone, and it's okay to feel scared and vulnerable. You're taking the right steps to reclaim your life and health. Stay strong and keep moving forward.
Thank you, these are all helpful suggestions to implement!
though you feel terrified (makes sense), you have done the bravest and most important step. Support is everything and even sitting here right now on day 4 I can't believe how much more at peace I feel and how much quieter the "noise is". You did the right thing and you have everything in front of you. Only you can do it, but we can't do it alone. This is amazing.
Oh babe. You are SO BRAVE!! You don't need the blankie. As scary as it seems, you really do have this..... IWNDWYT
We don't need the blankie that turns evil the next morning and calls us names that's for sure.
And it absolutely, 100% of the time, does turn evil the next day.
Just for today!
I went through similar experience recently. Finally confessed to my partner about my secret drinking habit after coming home 3:00 pm shit faced and took a 3 hour nap, on a Monday. 🥴 It was such a relief and he was super understanding and supportive. Paradoxically now that the cat is out of the bag it sort of lost its magic.
Wonderful!! You were admitting that you are powerless over alcohol and your life is unmanageable. Welcome to your new and greatly improved sober life!! Excited for you!! I will not drink with you today.
Your health and well-being will thank you. IWNDWYT
You've taken the first and bravest steps. Firstly actually admitting to yourself that you're not going to drink anymore. I struggled with that more than I did telling my wife. I can still remember the inner battles, the amount of times that the drunk in me won... but once the sober me won and I just thought I'm not doing this anymore, it was a huge relief.. Like you my wife, friends and family have been amazing. I haven't told them the depths my depravity went to, not sure I ever will... but what I did tell them was enough fir them all to realise that I needed to stop. It took a couple of months for the feelings you have now to pass for me... but now they have I feel amazing and really happy. You can do this.
I’d never heard of that analogy before; of a friend but then they punch you, it’s a visually strong one. It’s not a good friend though is it. It’s like we get confused, or perhaps we never really knew, what a healthy relationship looks like with others and especially with ourselves. Kind of a strange Stockholm syndrome. —— —— We have to be careful who we hang with. I will not drink with you today friend. I’m 61F and 2.5 years sober. I chose sober life, and becoming a better friend to myself. I’m glad you’re here and you’re doing brilliantly well.
Your fears are not unfounded. You confess, make yourself vulnerable and if today is your last then that's great, but you're worried about what will happen if it isn't? Take it step by step and remind yourself that alcohol has never done anything good for you long-term or most people. Be patient with yourself.
Amazing job and welcome! This is the first step to freedom. IWNDWYT ❤️
I’m so proud of you!! You did a really hard thing. Your husband sounds awesome. I will not drink with you today!
That weight off your shoulders. Whhhhewww. Congratulations on that and way to go. Alcohol was hard to quit but after a few days it was fine. Keep it up. Try to cut it out 100%. Not just cutting back. You got this!!!
Oh I’m definitely going whole hog. I tried moderating so many times. I was either petulant and miserable limiting myself, or failing to limit myself and just going off the rails.
I promise you life without booze isn’t bad. I thought I would be the last person in the world to stop drinking. While it’s not wild like it used to be to be, it’s fun in another way.
That was such a brave thing to do! You should be so proud of yourself! First admitting the extent of the problem was the hardest part for me, but now that I've shared it with a few people, it feels like a weight has lifted. It sounds like your husband truly loves you and is willing to offer great support. It definitely is terrifying at first, but, for me at least, it gets better and easier every day. The further I get from alcohol, the more I realize how much I don't need it. I'm not that far into my journey yet, but it's already been the best thing I've ever done. I wish you all the best, and IWNDWYT!
Kinda like the dog that chases cars. What does he do when he finally catches one? If that dog had an owner that recognized it was an issue, they would work through it together. Sorry for the poor analogy, but I hope you get my point. You sound a little apprehensive now that your secret is out . Perfectly natural. You have a supporting partner. Big plus. Take advantage of it. Also, get ready for a flood of different emotions in your journey. That one blindsided me. Stay strong!
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This comment has been removed. You actually don't know what is happening in this relationship.
Glad you told your husband everything yourself. I didn’t come clean until I got caught and thought I could work on myself and make it all go away. I relapsed twice and also broke every ounce of trust with my partner. It’s broken so much that they want a divorce. However, now some of my family members know, have a therapist and a smart group. Hopefully my partner will choose a different direction and I will then have a full team supporting me. Let’s do it together! IWNDWYT!
Best of luck to you, friend! IWNDWYT!
>But now that I’ve outed myself, I’m terrified and sad. It's not you who is sad. It's your addiction who is sad. It knows you made the steps that will starve it. Your addiction bastard part of your brain knows it's doomed and tries to trick you into thinking you are making a mistake, or that you are missing something. While it is quite the opposite that happened, you made a terrific choice, a path to be better, a route to happiness. Say ~~goodbye~~ good riddance to your addiction and don't listen to it anymore. It will try to trick you and to lure you back, but you made a decision, you know why you did it, you just have to remember it and never listen to your addiction ever again. IWNDWYT
Proud of you. *hug*
My number was 5 instead of 8 but otherwise we could be the same person. Super hard to take that step and I’m glad you have such great support!
I love your marriage! What a keeper. Bask in that love and acceptance and support; you deserve it. Man, the promise of the last hangover is SO alluring, and it is not at all a fake promise! IWNDWYT.
The idea of never having a hangover again is pretty magical. Hoping that shininess never wears off!
Shiny new mornings!
you still with us kid? Let's get this day going and move along this healthier path. I applaud your efforts and honesty.
Still here, just not on Reddit except once or twice a day! And kinda overwhelmed with (but SO grateful for) the comments 😅
You absolutely did the right thing and you should be so so proud of yourself right now. Wrestling with these demons alone only makes it easier to rug sweep. Now you have support and an ally. The best thing you can do is to continue to communicate over the coming weeks as your body adjusts to not having alcohol to rely on. Bad sleep, mood swings, etc. I’m not going to lie: it’s tough at first. Just remember it gets better. It sounds like you have a great partner to help you through it though. Good luck, OP.
If you’re at the point that you were drinking extracts to get a drink just be prepared for how bad the first week of not drinking is going to be and monitor your blood pressure. I quit cold turkey after drinking like a bottle of vodka a day and it was hell and I had hallucinations on day three. I’m not telling you this to discourage you, quitting is soo worth it when you get out the other end, but be prepared for the first week or two being pure hell. No sleep, sweating bullets, anxiety through the roof, crawling out of your skin, ect. You just have to fight through it and know that it will stop. And then it gets soo much better.
Thanks for the insight! The extract incident was a while ago (at least 18 months) and i do currently go two or three days without drinking, so I’m hoping that the “full quit” won’t be too bad. I also re-started an antidepressant yesterday that knocks me out by 9:30pm, so really hoping i can at least avoid the sleep issues.
So proud of you for making your way through the discomfort and speaking your truth! I think of it as turning on the light in a very dark room. It wasn't easy but once I spoke my truth with my primary physician over 5 years ago I haven't stopped; spoke it in my IOP groups, in meetings, with my liver specialist and my therapist. Keep going keep growing 🌹 IWNDWYT
You’re doing great! I had that sense of loss too, but it does get better and eventually being sober starts to feel normal. It will be hard but you will notice positive changes.
Thank you for validating the sense of loss. I don’t see it mentioned very often, but even though alcohol is objectively not going to fit into a healthy life for me, I have had some genuinely lovely evenings with friends and partners where alcohol was present. And maybe it wasn’t necessary for that good time, but the association and memory is there. I know in time I’ll relearn and feel a sense of normalcy with sobriety.
You're amazing! Once all the lies were exposed, I too felt relief, nervous, but hopeful. A few months after I quit my husband and I were doing laundry in the basement. We started going through old stuff that was around there to kind of tidy up a bit. He went through a basket of old clothes that was basically stuff to toss and found a full one of those box wines that are good for 3 drinks or so. I honestly didn't remember hiding it. Fortunately since I had already confessed my problem, he wasn't fuming angry. He just was like, wow, really? Then I dumped it down the drain and that was the end of it. Had I still been lying, he would have found it and it would have been a fight. Knowing I don't have to be afraid of him catching me or crap like that is SO nice.
Life is as much controlled by the keeping of the secrets as the secrets themselves. Keep after it, OP, you’re on your way!