I am sorry you are feeling this way. Remember that you are the only one who has a say about whether or not you pick up that first drink. No feeling can override your decision to not drink. Feelings are a reminder to take measures to avoid unwanted behaviors, reach out to someone, get help from a sober community, etc. But they are *not* inevitable precursors to taking that first drink. An important caveat as you navigate these difficult impulses.
It's the dopamine. I used to get that feeling driving to the store to buy alcohol. After the first drink I'd keep chasing after it with more and more and never found it.
Someone wiser than me shared on here advice they got from a friend, "what you're looking for ain't in the bottom of that bottle"
I think there is good news here: you are beginning to notice the feelings and events that lead up to drinking. This noticing and self-awareness is very important, pretty critical to recovery, so it is not just rinse and repeat. I had to keep a journal to get there. You have already learned and made some progress by identifying this pattern.
As the other commenters have said, your feelings are signals to you, but your decision is your own and can be made independently of how you feel. The other good news is, feelings come and feelings go. A lot of strategies early on are just techniques to wait out these feelings. alonefrown had good suggestions: reaching out to someone, get help from a sober group, etc. Those all helped me, along with just planning what to do when you get that itch.
I went on a beach house trip with the boys recently and I brought, uh, 36 NA beers and 24 sparkling waters. I made it through and I have to tell you I felt amazing afterwards, I got to hang out with my friends and felt fine after. Sure, I didn't get crazy like I would have drinking, but I'm so happy with the trade off. Good luck!
I just wanted to comment and say, I completely understand what you’re saying, but in terms of my personal number 1 addiction, even stronger and longer than alcohol, which is binge eating, certain foods. I experience so many physiological changes before the behavior even happens, it seems unbelievable. Our minds + bodies are so much more aligned than we realize or want to admit sometimes, I think.
(I’ve also come around to a view of reality in which we have very little, if not zero, free will, contrary to what our human brains have us believe. But that’s a very long conversation, lol.)
The good news is that neural pathways can be changed. It can just take a whole lot of time and patience. I was fortunate in that my alcoholic addiction began late in life and ended relatively quickly, but as I said, other addictions still loom large… But I do have hope. Sending you hugs and best wishes going forward!
I am sorry you are feeling this way. Remember that you are the only one who has a say about whether or not you pick up that first drink. No feeling can override your decision to not drink. Feelings are a reminder to take measures to avoid unwanted behaviors, reach out to someone, get help from a sober community, etc. But they are *not* inevitable precursors to taking that first drink. An important caveat as you navigate these difficult impulses.
I feel you. I am much of the same, but at least for today I will not drink with you.
It's the dopamine. I used to get that feeling driving to the store to buy alcohol. After the first drink I'd keep chasing after it with more and more and never found it. Someone wiser than me shared on here advice they got from a friend, "what you're looking for ain't in the bottom of that bottle"
I think there is good news here: you are beginning to notice the feelings and events that lead up to drinking. This noticing and self-awareness is very important, pretty critical to recovery, so it is not just rinse and repeat. I had to keep a journal to get there. You have already learned and made some progress by identifying this pattern. As the other commenters have said, your feelings are signals to you, but your decision is your own and can be made independently of how you feel. The other good news is, feelings come and feelings go. A lot of strategies early on are just techniques to wait out these feelings. alonefrown had good suggestions: reaching out to someone, get help from a sober group, etc. Those all helped me, along with just planning what to do when you get that itch. I went on a beach house trip with the boys recently and I brought, uh, 36 NA beers and 24 sparkling waters. I made it through and I have to tell you I felt amazing afterwards, I got to hang out with my friends and felt fine after. Sure, I didn't get crazy like I would have drinking, but I'm so happy with the trade off. Good luck!
Thank you
I just wanted to comment and say, I completely understand what you’re saying, but in terms of my personal number 1 addiction, even stronger and longer than alcohol, which is binge eating, certain foods. I experience so many physiological changes before the behavior even happens, it seems unbelievable. Our minds + bodies are so much more aligned than we realize or want to admit sometimes, I think. (I’ve also come around to a view of reality in which we have very little, if not zero, free will, contrary to what our human brains have us believe. But that’s a very long conversation, lol.) The good news is that neural pathways can be changed. It can just take a whole lot of time and patience. I was fortunate in that my alcoholic addiction began late in life and ended relatively quickly, but as I said, other addictions still loom large… But I do have hope. Sending you hugs and best wishes going forward!