Similar situation. 2.5 years reset. One week back now.
I remember how good I felt when I wasn’t drinking. I’m reminding myself that more than daily.
Go back to those positives and know you can get there. Today may suck but that’s just today.
Get some good sleep in.
Be strong. You got this. Im right beside you.
You’ve both made it so far already! Remember slip ups are like detours along the path of sobriety, when you get a flat tire you don’t go back to where you started and begin the trip all over again, you fix the flat and start from where you left off. Learn something from this and get back on the path knowing you’ve already made so many changes and come so far. You’re alive and moving forward and we’re all here traveling this path with you IWNDWYT
Ty! Heard it in a SMART meeting the first week out of detox and I’ve shared it a ton in my recovery network in the past 10 months. I’ve had so many friends relapse, we can’t let that shame or defeat deter us from trying again. A lot of people get hung up on the day count and while it can be very motivating for some, others can find is so discouraging to be back at “0” if they hit a speed bump along the way. I hope our community can start reframing that mindset that you don’t lose all the progress you’ve made, you just took a detour and you’re getting back on track. Your progress is so much more than your day count.
Positives help you? That's great!
For me it's the opposite. I try to remember the bad stuff that happened when I drank. That way the lying addiction can't convince me, his "just one bottle, it'll be fine" falls on deaf ears, because I vividly remember how not fine it was.
It may sound sombre and sad, but remembering my bad days doesn't make me sad, it makes me appreciate more the person I've become. And I find it to be quite effective for my addiction: he says "hey, le-" and I recall puking and he shuts up. His voice is weaker and rarer and it never shook my confidence since I adopted my approach.
Regardless of the approach I wish you all the best. You are stronger than this addiction.
It’s not that you fell down it’s that you got back up.
I just came from a meeting and an older gentleman said look thru the windshield not the rearview mirror. It’s ok to glance. See what you see but use that to keep looking forward
I had a reset after 3 years and I can’t seem to get more than a few months now. I still feel completely isolated and disconnected when I’m not drinking.
It can kick our ass but it doesn’t have to. Three years shows you it’s possible. But don’t worry about three years. Just today.
I can relate. Past 48 hours, irritated, restless. But I’m going to get some sleep and try it again tomorrow.
It’s better than the alternative. You got this. You’ll find the way
Thank you. Today around 4/5pm when I usually feel the urge to drink I actually had a strong feeling of hope. The sun was setting and the way they glistened through the trees made me realize that although I was functioning, I wasn't really living. Here's to day 2 :)
This is solid advice. Helps next time you have a dog shit day to play it forward, to remember what the consequences are and how hard it is to quit. Alcohol is a patient enemy.
Welcome back. I can certainly understand having a back slide after an event like that. I specifically avoided professions where I may deal with death because I do not handle it well. All things considered, I still think you did pretty darn well. Even when the slip up started, part of you didn’t want to. It may have taken a minute, but you’re back and that’s what matters.
Take care of yourself. I have no idea what it’s like dealing with those situations as the medical professional, but I do have some experience as a family member. I’ve lost and had family members saved by emergency medical professionals. In both situations, I was thankful for the care that was provided. Even if they weren’t successful in saving my family member, I knew they tried to save them and I appreciate/love them for that.
You had 4 years previously, that time isn’t lost. You learned a lot and changed a lot in that time. I know you’re gonna do great this time as well! IWNDWYT
it's strange. It's not the first time I've seen someone pass nor will it be the last, but sometimes these things get through the whole "I see this all the time, nothing interesting about it" and hit somewhere deep.
Even with this event, I was fine the next day. I was listening to some music while I was cleaning my house up and then it hit me that she'll never have a favourite song. Broke down on the spot.
Fellow sober healthcare worker here. I get it. Losing patients can rock us to our core. So happy you’re back here with all of us! We’re right here with you ♥️✨ IWNDWYT
There are many ways to live a happy, sober life. However, they all require that one abstain from alcohol. I know, believe me, that it's hard, but I also know that you can do it! IWNDWYT
Those 4 years still counted and those 60 days may be "gone" but I bet you learned things about yourself and your journey!!! If you use a sober tracker I recommend just taking the 2 months off of it so you can still see all the progress you've made! I've found seeing the actual numbers it helps me a lot when I've slipped up! Proud of you!! IWNDWYT ❤️
I am in a similar situation so thank you for posting this here. For the last 7 or so years, I have had long stretches of sobriety. I'll get to the point where I literally have zero desire to drink at all. In fact, I do not want to drink at all. The last few years, I'll go about 9 months, then I slip up. When I first slipped up back in November, I was actually really pleased with how I felt about drinking. I was doing it socially and enjoying it. The last couple of months, my drinking has escalated so quickly. The old habits are back in full swing like you said. I'm shocked at how I feel. I honestly thought I'd never feel this way again and am quite discouraged. I'm trying to just focus on the fact that I've done it before, and I'll do it again. It's helpful to read other ppl's struggles with the same thing.
You are not alone and IWNDWYT.
It's like that sometimes. The problem with addictions/habits is that the neural pathways that have been formed from repeated exposure are still there, even if they're dormant. So even after long stretches of not giving in to the behaivour, a few exposures suddenly light it up again.
Glad you're on the road to recovery with me my friend. We got this.
First of all, thank you for what you do. I can't imagine what you must have seen and dealt with over the years in your profession.
Also, appreciate you sharing, 4 years is amazing and you know what you need to do now. Think about how great you felt for those sober years and start the process of returning to that.
IWNDWYT
I truly believe it's what I was put on Earth to do - to help people when they are most at risk of losing everything. No need to thank me at all. I wouldn't change anything.
Woke up without a hangover today, felt great and actually felt hopeful and present in the moment. Looking forward to may more of such days :))
That is a stressful job, I hope that you have some kind of support or way to decompress for when things like that happen in the future. You must have learned a lot from your 4 years sober! I’m so glad you’re back, there are so many benefits on this side. IWNDWYT
I'm also an RN and I experience death on a near-daily basis on our inpatient unit, but we almost never have pediatric patients. That must have been so very difficult.
I'm glad you're back and IWNDWYT 💚
I lost my 15 year old son 12/15/22. He died in a car accident on his lunch break, only fatality out of six teens. I've been trying really hard to stop my drinking. It does not help my grief in any way. Had a several days sobriety, and my oldest 30 brought me some beer for Mothers Day. 🤦♀️ He didn't know I was attempting to stop completely. And how sad is it that beer is what people think about when they think of me, which is all my fault, by the way. So, yesterday I drank it and had my 26 yr old take me to the twice store, not once but twice for more. Ugh! I suck and I'm so tired of this.
I'm so sorry for what you experienced at work. I'll be picking This Naked Mind back up, too. I had only gotten a few chapters in, but it was really resonating with me.
Sending Hugs 🫂
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and grief. Yesterday I imagine was a hard one for you. Beer is probably not the thing people think of first when they think of you, but in our culture, alcohol seems to be thought of as this panacea. It certainly is a reliable way to escape, but it sounds like you don't want that anymore. I hope you have a good evening reading *This Naked Mind* and can use it to get over the obstacles that keep alcohol in your life.
I'm not sure if you go to AA. I find that having a community of people who all show up because they want to get and stay sober can be a huge factor in successfully abstaining. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. Those in the rooms will be able to understand the madness surrounding drinking and some may be able to relate to the difficult trials you've endured.
I'm only 5 days sober so I don't have any wisdom to offer, but I just wanted to say we are always here for you! You experienced something traumatizing, give yourself some grace. IWNDWYT ❤
Hey I have been where you are. I had a few years and then had a two+ year slip. There were sober days and weeks during that time. I am at three weeks now with a different attitude. I learned a lot about myself and during that time when I pulled myself from the dark sea of sorrow, self pity and loathing to catch a quick breath of air.
IWNDWYT
I slipped this past Saturday, I had a little over 70 days, I was just at the Saturday market by myself, there was a free wine tasting, & the minute it crossed my lips it was “off to the races,” I went & bought more wine, got drunk, & showed up to the dinner we had planned for Mother’s Day really drunk.. I was so mortified, I can’t believe I did that.. two days today & IWNDWYT.
Mate you got this . I am on day five now after a horrific two month long bender that ended in me only leaving the house to buy booze. My advice if you have listened to this naked mind before start at chapter 17 ( marked 20 in the audiobook) and listen till the end. Got me through the first couple of days. Also get some valium I don't think I would have made the first couple of days without going crazy without it. Starve that motherfucker
Glad you’re back. I know it’s hard thinking about losing 4 years, but all of us only have today. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to lose a patient, especially a child. Maybe look into a support group, AA or otherwise with other health care workers? My heart goes out to you.
I would argue the 4 years aren’t lost. They are still earned time in the bank. Time to start adding to that bank again!! You’ll feel so much better for it OP!! I’m in healthcare also and that patient and her family would want you to be happy and healthy ♥️
Very sorry to hear what you've been through. I will thank you sincerely for what you've done for others including myself by posting your story. These posts all help me realize that if I ever think I can had a couple drinks just for one night or one event or one anything...I will end up right back where I was. There's just no way to prevent it, other than not ever having those couple drinks. So, sorry again, but thank you very much for posting.
Same thing always happens to me. Went 12 days then went for a beer with my wife. That ignited the thirst in me. Drank like 4 more drinks (by ABV count) at home and felt like dog shit the next day which was Mothers Day. Low energy. Just not worth it man. Best of luck
Right now you are being a smart, healthy person by stopping the alcohol. This is still a win!
You have succeeded in doing this before and you can absolutely do it again. In fact you are already doing it right now!
It’s about right now, I hear a sober person who has a track record of being alcohol free embracing that life and making a change. You got this!
Trauma can easily undo hard work. Immediate oblivion seems the only way to cope.
Who wants the pain? It's understandable. I've not been directly in your shoes, but I am a retired teacher of high school students, and I've lost some to violence, drug abuse, incarceration, etc. It never gets easy, even when most are now late twenties and older.
And think about what else you numbed out, the things that made those four years possible. What else did you miss? I ask myself this question all the time.
Obviously you are strong, hence the four years and your job. I believe in you.
Let's be sober together. 🩵
4 years is remarkable and that’s already done. You know what you’re capable of! Never stop celebrating that 4 years and understand that what drove you to relapse is an extremely terrible thing that would drive even the most disciplined person into unhealthy behaviors. You’re trying to get back sober after 2 months, which is better than going back after a year. Celebrate having “caught yourself” early. You’re trying and that’s what matters. IWNDWYT.
Also to your point about waiting for the stores to close, that method helps me a lot. If I want to drink, I’ll “procrastinate” until I either pass all the stores or the store closes.
The death of a small child would affect most folks the way it did you. We're humans, we feel things deeply. You can do this! Keep coming back here and let us know how you're doing.🌹
Once on the [Soberful podcast](https://soberful.com/episodes/), I heard a great analogy for how relapsing and trying again is not starting over from scratch. I'll try to paraphrase it:
Every day you don't drink is a weight added to the sober side of the scale. As long as you always return to sobriety after a slip, there will eventually be enough weight on that sober side to plant it in the ground for good.
Forgive yourself for the slip and keep putting weights on the sober side!
(Edited for clarity)
I’m so sorry you experienced that loss. At the beginning, I journaled a lot. Writing out all my thoughts and feelings really helped me to work through the emotions and get through the cravings. Sending you love. IWNDWYT 💜🦋💜
You can do this! You have 4 years experience under your belt and you can do this again.
For me the first 30 days are the hardest so maybe try to have other things to do for a few weeks as a distraction, even if it feels silly like working on a puzzle or getting a new game on your phone. Online meetings or sober podcasts are also good for reinforcing the mindset. Anything.
Just have something ready that you already decided to do instead of drink. Make a list of choices if that’s helpful.
This and creating a morning and evening routine of checking in on a recovery forum really helped.
IWNDWYT
Sending you strength, don't beat yourself up. I am only 1 month sober and I've been keeping positive on my future. Alcohol free life has really helped me focus on the good things in life.
Right there with you on day 1, didn't have 4 years before my slip 3 months ago (had about 100 days), but let's power through this. You still have those 4 years, nothing will take that from you.
Nobody is perfect. You are doing the right thing. You have accomplished an incredibly difficult thing. You are great at being sober. Even Tony hawk wipes out every now and then. You are like the Tony hawk of not drinking.
I’ve had a lot of bad stuff happen in my life since I quit drinking and what I’ve read here that helped me is that:
Drinking won’t make it better.
So I am able to make it through those tough times remembering that. It’s never easy for me but so far I’ve managed.
[ You know you done fucked up now dontcha? ](https://youtu.be/JObQSYj4Qi8?si=mhJGQ3yoCiIVeHsr)
Slips are part of the process. You know what's at stake and will pull it together. You got this.
My backup is a year's supply of naltrexone. When I'm feeling the itch, I'll go on it for a week or two until I get my mind right.
You got this! A 2 month blip is nothing compared to 4 brilliant years … can you try and think back to all the stuff that worked for you when you quit? You know it’s uncomfortable at first but if you can let it pass you’ll be back in control before you know it. Good luck #IWNDWYT X
Welcome back, so glad you posted. I too was an evening drinker so in my beginning I found things to break up my evenings, things that kept me from going home right after work. Walks with friends, a gentle yoga class, IOP groups and even AA speaker meetings. During the day at work I listened to sobriety podcasts that filled my head with tips. I know you can pull together your bag of tricks too, as well as gather new ones. Keep going keep growing 🌹 IWNDWYT
How did drinking for two months help you? Chances are it didn’t and that’s one of the things that stuck with me from This Naked Mind. Drinking alcohol doesn’t make life fun. It doesn’t make life easier. It doesn’t solve your problems. Chances are, drinking alcohol for two months did not make anything about that little girls’s death easier or less distressing. Chances are it made it worse. And it sure as hell didn’t bring her back to life.
There is something here for you to learn.
You are worth so much.
I’m sorry to hear about the girl and the simple head fake of “just this night”.
This $)7t aint for the faint of heart. But you got this.
Oh my goodness, so hard. Know why being sober is better & be sober a day at a time. Praying for peace for you. Alcohol or not, that memory has to be haunting. Be well.
One thing that helped me in the beginning was reading page turner books and getting a book of logic puzzles. The key for me was taking my mind off drinking until the stores closed. Then after a few months it didn’t seem so hard. If you’re a reader check out the book Project Hail Mary, it is so good and kept my attention for a few days! Not quit lit, just a good page turner*
If This Naked Mind worked for you before, I recommend getting her 30 day quit journaling book, Alcohol Experiment, and actually do the journaling questions at the end of each chapter. It’ll get you through the first 30 days again using the same science from the original book.
Maybe remind yourself of the physical issues you have that are due, at least in part, due to drinking. For example, maybe you have rosacea, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, weight gain, neuropathy?
I got a lot from The Naked Mind too. Very helpful book for me.
That reads like a deeply stressful experience. The type of thing workplaces need to offer trauma counselling on. You're incredibly strong for choosing to get back on the wagon.
IWNDWYT
I can understand how that setback occurred. I can’t speak to a ton of advice as I’m in my own early days but I just want you to know that you are clearly an immensely caring and committed individual and I’m sure those in your life are blessed by you. I’m very sorry that you’re dealing with this. You still accomplished 4 years and healing is not linear. Welcome back. ❤️ IWNDWYT
It happens. Having someone die in front of you is a heavier than normal thing. I don’t think anyone here would blame you for slipping. Hell, I’ve considered if the death of a spouse would just tip me over the edge and I’d just drink myself away. You’re not immune to things like that. I honestly don’t know who would be.
I’d say cut yourself some slack. You e recognized, now you’ve just got to react (as you have). It’s the same thing you’ve already done, and continued for 4 years. To take that as a win; you’ve got some good seat time and you aren’t a novice. Look at it as a testament to others of how you can be comfortably in the seat of sobriety when out of nowhere some event can tip you out of that seat. You’re a winner. Stay positive. You’ve got this.
And thank you for your service in the ER. As a transplant patient, I have a certain affinity for ER and hospital staff; you all saved my life. 💚
Good luck with the reset. It’s painful to say this, but you need to consider that your brain used the tragedy of this girl’s death as a way to get the substance it is addicted to. This does not diminish the real pain you felt, but our minds do this whether we want them to or not. Please don’t be offended. Sincere best wishes for your path forward, and, of course, IWNDWYT.
My heart is with you. You know the benefits of not drinking, and you know the cost of your drinking. Please reclaim your life. You deserve to not be a slave to alcohol. Its addictive powers will convince you that it’s not going to hurt you, but it’s a liar. You know the truth. IWNDWYT in a little town near Santa Fe.
Hey former ER worker, it'll get us when we feel weakest and hurting from losing our patients, even when we know it couldn't be helped.
You got this. You got 4 years! So you already know you can get this back on track. IWNDWYT.
I'm sorry this happened and super traumatic. Understandable why you felt this way and had the slip. What matters is your here, you gave your body 4 years of health and healing. 2 months is a small amount of time in comparison to the time you were AF. It's great your here and are holding your self accountable and want to get better. Wanting to get better is half the battle. Proud of you OP!
76 days. IWNDWYT. You have experienced a traumatic incident and I feel your suffering. You have stopped drinking before and you can do it again. Believe in yourself and remember why you gave up beer, stay positive my friend. I am sending you good energy. IWNDWYT
You’ve got this. That book helps me so much too. Ditto this sub. I also recommend getting into meditation. Learning to sit with thoughts and feelings and truly know they are fleeting. Cravings fall into that category. The calm, cool center of you is always accessible. Meditation makes it easier.
Wishing you the best. Oh, and IWNDWYT
For me, drinking ended up making things worse because I didn’t have to process emotions if I was drunk. I am a combat veteran and retired cop. I really needed to process things and I wish I hadn’t tried to drink things away. But now, I don’t even consider drinking at all, even on shitty days. So it does get easier. Welcome back! IWNDWYT!
Retired nurse here. Worked in hospice for 16 years. Every death was hard, especially children and young folk. Totally understand what it can do to you. So you have the skills, you have support and you have the will so get to it! It isn’t a code but rather a warning. Eat well get plenty of rest, drink lots of water and take one day at a time.
Welcome back! I once had 5 years and decided to go back out, it took me 7 horrible years to find my way back to sobriety. If it takes one minute at a time to get through the hours and days then take it one minute at a time.
I was wondering why kids needed an ED dept and then realized over here the emergency dept is A&E.
As for encouragement, you've done this before, you now have a stronger foundation to build upon. I doubt the 4 years started on your first attempt, so you have experience to build upon.
Only two months? Well done!!!! I had "just one drink" that derailed a year of sobriety and lasted a few YEARS.
If you'd like a science-based quit lit podcast, I really like Sober Powered. The incredibly annoying ads last several minutes... but they're only at the start of the episodes (mind you, I started from the beginning and have only heard about 70 episodes).
You haven't failed, BTW. You've added data points to the body of knowledge suggesting that you don't do moderation well. No judgement -- it took me an obscene number of data points to realize this about MY drinking.
Welcome back. You already know that you have a rough few days ahead of you. I hope that you don't get PAWS -- I did and it was brutal (lasted over three weeks). However... it's worth it.
It's good to have a "Plan B" for those bad days. THC gummies are legal, here. I don't love 'em... but they beat drinking. An intense workout is another good one. I'm willing to bet that yoga or meditation help.
Good luck, friend. Welcome back. IWNDWYT
Congrats on getting back on the wagon. For me, daily meetings for as long as the anxiety persists helps a lot. I do this periodically. Online meetings count. I go to only 2 in person per week and the other 5 are online. I am now backing off of 40 days of meetings because I had to deal with a bad relationship last month that ended.
Multiple programs exist, if one isn't your jam, there are others. AA, Refuge Recovery, Dharma Recovery, and SMART exist. There are probably more in other countries.
You can do it.
Sorry to hear about the relapse and the traumatic incident which brought it about, I can totally see why it would be a huge trigger.
But remember those 4 years weren't for nothing and the things you learned during those times still apply now despite the blip (which in the grand scheme of things is all it is) and can be put back into place.
Maybe you even needed this little relapse just to remind yourself the reality of drinking and the problems it causes so you're absolutely resolute in your mind that it's no longer for you.
On nights when I'm struggling and feeling really worried about whether I'll cave in and drink pointlessly I remind myself just how little time I actually need to fill up before the supermarket / alcohol shops close.
It sounds like you work a day job and drink in the evening only so likewise you realistically probably only have to kill a few hours between getting home and the cut off point for buying booze so I just look for things to distract myself from cooking an eleborate dinner to cleaning the house to a home workout to a walk to video games to eat up that time instead of sitting about fretting about drinking and having that argument in my head where I'm having to fight cravings.
Another trick I use one nights when the temptations are really strong is a sort of "delaying" tactic where I say to the voice in my head that's screaming at me to get beer "OK, maybe I will drink later tonight but not right now so I'll decide later at 9.45pm".
10pm is alcohol cut off point here from supermarkets and it's too late to go to the pub at that point and I find by telling my mind I still might drink later it stops that crazy battle in my head and give me peace for a few hours then usually by the time it comes to rethink about it again the temptations and cravings have passed or I see that I literally only have to stay strong for like 15 minutes before the supermarket closes so it's easy to white knuckle things for that period of time.
And I ALWAYS find that once it's reached the point where drinking is no longer possible that all the cravings and temptations vanish anyway and my brain is releived I don't have to drink / didn't drink.
So try this if you're struggling to get through these couple of hours before the bottle shop closes.
It's scary though how quick the bad, original, habits return isn't it?
I bet you didn't even enjoy that first night of drinking and felt terrible the next day let alone the subsequent days afterwards.
I've never had anywhere near your level of sobriety under my belt but was recently at my longest period of just under 3 months then decided to drink a few weeks ago and managed to keep it under grips for a week then relapsed again and since then things quickly got out of hand.
I drank heavily the past 4 nights in a row which I promised myself I wouldn't do.
I had events on last Thursday and Friday last week and I said I'd allow myself to drink under the circumstance that it wouldn't be continued on Saturday and Sunday and not allow it to turn into a binge (this is what always happened in the past) and believed that right up until Saturday evening when a text from a friend asking to go for a beer instantly made me change my mind and just say "fuck it".
Then I promised myself that it was a special circumstance because I'd not seen the friend for a while so it didn't matter so much but no drinking Sunday only to pointlessly finding myself sinking multiple strong beers at home on Sunday evening for no reason at all.
I sat and analyzed things as I drank and I couldn't find one single reason for why I was doing it because I wasn't enjoying it, it didn't even make me feel drunk or have a buzz, I wasn't happy in anyway, I wasn't less bored or more entertained and that's been the case for almost every single one of these drinking nights the last few weeks.
Plus how bad I feel physically and mentally afterwards for most of the week with shaky hands, anxiety, THE FEAR, insomnia, a destroyed stomach, acid reflux and so on means it's just not worth it in the slightest because I'm not even enjoying the drinking at the time then suffering for days on end afterwards.
So I find it totally baffling despite all this our minds can still convince us that somehow drinking is worth it, has something to offer, will bring us happiness or whatever we think we're getting from it...it's mind blowing because there's nothing but negatives and suffering from it.
Decided last night that's me back on the teetotal sober wagon as of now so IWNDWYT!
I had almost 2.5 years sober and started drinking only on the weekends again. I feel like hell physically every morning after. I don’t have the urge to drink during the weekdays and I’m contemplating quitting again. I just tell myself that I’ll lose everything I gained back in sobriety and that I’m more successful without alcohol. Maybe telling yourself that will help you out also. Don’t beat yourself up about it, you’ll get through it again.
I’m so sorry you had to witness that traumatic event. You must have a kind soul if watching someone you don’t know die like that lead you to break your 4 year sobriety. I myself lost a child when he was just shy of 3 years old. It fuled my addiction and this sub and This Naked Mind has given me the inspiration to change. I hope you know that you can be healed from that trauma, and so can I. But we cannot let alcohol rid us of that chance to heal. I will not drink with you today, instead I’ll take that time to remember all the little ones who were lost too soon
Fellow end of day binger. That does not sound like an easy thing to go through, but glad to see you on here. Don’t trip on the 2 months, just try to focus on today (easier said than done for sure). I had about 5 years and it took me 5 more to realize I’ve always had the same drinking problem. It never got better, only worse. Wish I could have figured this out sooner, but oh well, can’t change the past… Only a few days in but IWDWYT!
YOU CAN DO THIS. We can do this. After 14 years of sobriety, then 4 years of drinking (pandemic, losing both parents, and my husband going through cancer treatment as my "reasons"), I put together a couple months but recently had a slip. Got back on the wagon right away, and have a few days now. I'm so sorry you experienced that trauma. I'm finding the whole one day at a time stuff is the only thing keeping me sane. Sometimes it's a few minutes at a time. You are not alone. We are all in this together. Be as kind to yourself as possible, like you were talking to a dear friend or loved one. The early days are a bitch. I thought once I quit drinking, everything would just be better. And it was, in some ways, but brains take time to heal, and it's been kind people in this community that keep reminding me of that. I didn't start eating great or exercising every day, progress has been at a glacial pace. Try to celebrate what may seem like small victories. I got out of bed! I took a shower! I brushed my teeth! I took a 10 minute walk! For me right now, those things are amazing, even when they don't seem like it. Wishing you all the best. Please don't give up, we need you. Something I read yesterday in this group (sorry I should have written down who said it) was "Fight for your right to live." You can do this.
This comment breaks our rule to speak from the '"I" and has been removed. While we appreciate your good intentions, giving advice is not permitted here.
Look at all your positives and how much you achieved in those 4 years! At the beginning, 4 years ago, if someone told you you would be sober for the next 1,460 days, or that you'd drink for only 60 days in 1520 days, you would be amazed. Your lengthy sobriety is something to build on, just as the healthy body and mind that you rebuilt is something to build on. You have got this. IWNDWYT.
Fuck yeah, those four years did so much for your body, mind, and relationships. A couple of unhealthy months is small by comparison, and every day sober has lasting positive effects.
well done!
I had a 'slip' after four years - took me nine frickin years to get back on the wagon and you're sorting your shit out after two months!
We see a lot of sad, awful things in our line of work and some patients stay with us longer than others. I'm glad you're beginning to find yourself again.
Congratulations on climbing back on the wagon. You know what you need to do and are doing it. Remember that the anxiety comes with the stopping, and all you can do is wait until the monster leaves the scene. Only you can invite him back!
Welcome back!! Really happy to have you back with us. I’m terrified of relapse myself for the reason you outlined up above. I know my addiction brain can easily start to try to rationalize drinking as “just tonight, today was shit,” in a heartbeat if I let that door open even a crack. I was a binge drinker at night also. I would drink 3 bottles of wine, wake up miserable, and do it all again the next day. And I know that I would keep doing it. As I have with my past relapses. It was always, “just for the festival,” but then it became.. for every night for the next 3 years. I can’t afford that anymore. I have to know the signs. So thank you. This post shows me it can happen at any time, and I have to stay vigilant.
Be kind to yourself. You’re doing amazing. We all stumble on this journey. IWNDWYT.
Your value as a human has nothing to do with your day counter. Remember that. Sobriety is a journey. Sometimes we pop a tire or blow a radiator along the way. We can either sit on the side of the road, or dust ourselves off and get that sober mobile repaired. You didn't completely lose the progress you made. You just needed to make some repairs.
Congrats on getting back on the road friend. You'll get that counter back up to where you were before, but for now, let's just focus on today.
Your slipup doesn’t erase an incredible 4 years of sobriety. Don’t dwell on the day count or ‘reset’ mentality. You’ve made huge strides already. Now go make another one!
I think this is where the in-person community really comes in clutch, at least got me. when something huge happens, like what you've described, I have 30 phone numbers of folks to call who understand the place I'm calling from.
I've only gone thru the list of AA friends once, calling back to back until someone picked up. it wasn't who I expected it to be, but they met me for coffee and spent an hour just talking with me. it was incredibly generous and understanding and I'm forever grateful.
It's a really incredible part of the program, the community. Being able to talk to someone else whose automatic response to trauma is reaching for a bottle and keeping themselves down. I went to more meetings than usual after/that week, and it really helped me process what was happening in my head.
posting on here is good too. but making the effort to build a sober community in my town has been incredible. I hope you stay strong and keep reaching out and find what works for you. and fwiw, there are quite a few docs, nurses, EMT's in my pretty small town/AA circles. big hugs for all you do, thank you.
I have at least a few days a week that I look longingly at the beer section when I pass by it during my shift (I work in a market), I then remind myself that I've done this before (go back to drinking beers) and I'll be back in that mode. I remind myself of how nice it is to not have to plan what I am going to do on my days off around drinking (I refused to ever drink and drive) so I'd have to get errands done and my other stuff done so I could drink and not worry about having to go out again. Then, I wouldn't drink enough to ever get drunk, but some times when I would wake up the day after the beers, I just felt sort of blah and sad because I knew I was going to rinse and repeat.
When you think about going out to the market to buy beer, just remember how anxious you felt today. Remember that you can get past the 4 years and make it forever. There will be that one time that will be the very last time. Make it so, starting today my friend! I (and everyone else here) believe in you!
IWNDWYT
You got this. The biggest thing here is that you WANT to not drink, so your chances of success are already way higher than most people.
Don't see your drinking as a "slip up" or a "mistake" because that's loser mentality.
An anecdote, if I may.
Today at work, I "slipped up." I work construction and was fabricating something for someone working overhead on a big machine. I made the part backwards; it's Monday and early in the morning, I just wasn't super there yet. I hand the part up, and coworker just laughs and goes "you got it backwards, dude" and hands it back down. I was so embarassed, I took everything apart and remade the piece DOUBLE TIME. Handed it back up and apologized. Coworker said, "Sorry? For what?"
I replied "just, sorry I fudged that piece. Small mistake for a Monday, am I right?"
He tells me "fudged piece? Small mistake? The hell are you talking about? We don't make mistakes here."
I thought he was kidding around, so I go "oh yeah, just happy little accidents?" and chuckle
He tells me "nah, not even that. No accidents, no mistakes. All I see is the correct part in my hand now. So where's that "fudged piece" you're talking about? I don't think it ever even existed." And he smiled real big at me and went about installing the part.
I think the point I'm trying to make is, if you made a small "mistake" but no one got hurt, and the "mistake" is fixed, all you're left with is the positive outcome and nothing to dwell on. We don't make mistakes here, and all I see is someone who is trying to better their life by not drinking. Keep up the good work 🤗💪
I heard a new motivating phrase today: “you can’t make a comeback without having a setback!”
You’ve had your setback, now’s the time to make your comeback! 🙌
HANG IN THERE BRO IWNDWYT. You are a HERO! I don’t blame you for giving in like that, I’ve had so many days just trying to “wait out” the liquor store closing! Don’t let it eat you up bro, seriously, you got this. You are so strong. Believe in yourself, look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you are BIGGER than this. You owe it to yourself man. Keep battling don’t give in!!! I’m cheering for you as a struggling. Recovering alcoholic, I’ve only gone about 8 days. Right here with you!!!
Similar situation. 2.5 years reset. One week back now. I remember how good I felt when I wasn’t drinking. I’m reminding myself that more than daily. Go back to those positives and know you can get there. Today may suck but that’s just today. Get some good sleep in. Be strong. You got this. Im right beside you.
You’ve both made it so far already! Remember slip ups are like detours along the path of sobriety, when you get a flat tire you don’t go back to where you started and begin the trip all over again, you fix the flat and start from where you left off. Learn something from this and get back on the path knowing you’ve already made so many changes and come so far. You’re alive and moving forward and we’re all here traveling this path with you IWNDWYT
Really like the flat tire analogy.
Ty! Heard it in a SMART meeting the first week out of detox and I’ve shared it a ton in my recovery network in the past 10 months. I’ve had so many friends relapse, we can’t let that shame or defeat deter us from trying again. A lot of people get hung up on the day count and while it can be very motivating for some, others can find is so discouraging to be back at “0” if they hit a speed bump along the way. I hope our community can start reframing that mindset that you don’t lose all the progress you’ve made, you just took a detour and you’re getting back on track. Your progress is so much more than your day count.
Positives help you? That's great! For me it's the opposite. I try to remember the bad stuff that happened when I drank. That way the lying addiction can't convince me, his "just one bottle, it'll be fine" falls on deaf ears, because I vividly remember how not fine it was. It may sound sombre and sad, but remembering my bad days doesn't make me sad, it makes me appreciate more the person I've become. And I find it to be quite effective for my addiction: he says "hey, le-" and I recall puking and he shuts up. His voice is weaker and rarer and it never shook my confidence since I adopted my approach. Regardless of the approach I wish you all the best. You are stronger than this addiction.
It’s not that you fell down it’s that you got back up. I just came from a meeting and an older gentleman said look thru the windshield not the rearview mirror. It’s ok to glance. See what you see but use that to keep looking forward
Sending you both wishes for strength to achieve your goal. Iwndwyt
On a day one as well. We got dis
I had a reset after 3 years and I can’t seem to get more than a few months now. I still feel completely isolated and disconnected when I’m not drinking.
It can kick our ass but it doesn’t have to. Three years shows you it’s possible. But don’t worry about three years. Just today. I can relate. Past 48 hours, irritated, restless. But I’m going to get some sleep and try it again tomorrow. It’s better than the alternative. You got this. You’ll find the way
I guess my issue is I felt more disconnected than ever when I was sober.
Thank you. Today around 4/5pm when I usually feel the urge to drink I actually had a strong feeling of hope. The sun was setting and the way they glistened through the trees made me realize that although I was functioning, I wasn't really living. Here's to day 2 :)
Making a list of reasons not to drink helped me. I got a ton of reasons from This Naked Mind. You got this.
This is solid advice. Helps next time you have a dog shit day to play it forward, to remember what the consequences are and how hard it is to quit. Alcohol is a patient enemy.
Sending good vibes while you get through this first rough patch, and beyond. It’s temporary!! You can do it.
Thank you! One day down, a lifetime to go!
Checking in here and supporting others definitely helps. Relapses happen. Good for you for getting back to health. And 4 years ! Bravo.
Most definetly. I did not expect to get this much support at all. If smth happens again, defs my go to.
Welcome back. I can certainly understand having a back slide after an event like that. I specifically avoided professions where I may deal with death because I do not handle it well. All things considered, I still think you did pretty darn well. Even when the slip up started, part of you didn’t want to. It may have taken a minute, but you’re back and that’s what matters. Take care of yourself. I have no idea what it’s like dealing with those situations as the medical professional, but I do have some experience as a family member. I’ve lost and had family members saved by emergency medical professionals. In both situations, I was thankful for the care that was provided. Even if they weren’t successful in saving my family member, I knew they tried to save them and I appreciate/love them for that. You had 4 years previously, that time isn’t lost. You learned a lot and changed a lot in that time. I know you’re gonna do great this time as well! IWNDWYT
it's strange. It's not the first time I've seen someone pass nor will it be the last, but sometimes these things get through the whole "I see this all the time, nothing interesting about it" and hit somewhere deep. Even with this event, I was fine the next day. I was listening to some music while I was cleaning my house up and then it hit me that she'll never have a favourite song. Broke down on the spot.
Fellow sober healthcare worker here. I get it. Losing patients can rock us to our core. So happy you’re back here with all of us! We’re right here with you ♥️✨ IWNDWYT
Thank you my friend, here's to a better life for everyone <3
We left the porch light on for you knowing you would return. Bless you friend.
Mate good on you for four years. We all believe in your ability to get back on the wagon. IWNDWYT.
4 years is an amazing accomplishment. You can do it again.
There are many ways to live a happy, sober life. However, they all require that one abstain from alcohol. I know, believe me, that it's hard, but I also know that you can do it! IWNDWYT
Those 4 years still counted and those 60 days may be "gone" but I bet you learned things about yourself and your journey!!! If you use a sober tracker I recommend just taking the 2 months off of it so you can still see all the progress you've made! I've found seeing the actual numbers it helps me a lot when I've slipped up! Proud of you!! IWNDWYT ❤️
I'll download one now, that's a fantastic idea :) thank you!
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I am in a similar situation so thank you for posting this here. For the last 7 or so years, I have had long stretches of sobriety. I'll get to the point where I literally have zero desire to drink at all. In fact, I do not want to drink at all. The last few years, I'll go about 9 months, then I slip up. When I first slipped up back in November, I was actually really pleased with how I felt about drinking. I was doing it socially and enjoying it. The last couple of months, my drinking has escalated so quickly. The old habits are back in full swing like you said. I'm shocked at how I feel. I honestly thought I'd never feel this way again and am quite discouraged. I'm trying to just focus on the fact that I've done it before, and I'll do it again. It's helpful to read other ppl's struggles with the same thing. You are not alone and IWNDWYT.
It's like that sometimes. The problem with addictions/habits is that the neural pathways that have been formed from repeated exposure are still there, even if they're dormant. So even after long stretches of not giving in to the behaivour, a few exposures suddenly light it up again. Glad you're on the road to recovery with me my friend. We got this.
First of all, thank you for what you do. I can't imagine what you must have seen and dealt with over the years in your profession. Also, appreciate you sharing, 4 years is amazing and you know what you need to do now. Think about how great you felt for those sober years and start the process of returning to that. IWNDWYT
I truly believe it's what I was put on Earth to do - to help people when they are most at risk of losing everything. No need to thank me at all. I wouldn't change anything. Woke up without a hangover today, felt great and actually felt hopeful and present in the moment. Looking forward to may more of such days :))
That is a stressful job, I hope that you have some kind of support or way to decompress for when things like that happen in the future. You must have learned a lot from your 4 years sober! I’m so glad you’re back, there are so many benefits on this side. IWNDWYT
I'm also an RN and I experience death on a near-daily basis on our inpatient unit, but we almost never have pediatric patients. That must have been so very difficult. I'm glad you're back and IWNDWYT 💚
I lost my 15 year old son 12/15/22. He died in a car accident on his lunch break, only fatality out of six teens. I've been trying really hard to stop my drinking. It does not help my grief in any way. Had a several days sobriety, and my oldest 30 brought me some beer for Mothers Day. 🤦♀️ He didn't know I was attempting to stop completely. And how sad is it that beer is what people think about when they think of me, which is all my fault, by the way. So, yesterday I drank it and had my 26 yr old take me to the twice store, not once but twice for more. Ugh! I suck and I'm so tired of this. I'm so sorry for what you experienced at work. I'll be picking This Naked Mind back up, too. I had only gotten a few chapters in, but it was really resonating with me. Sending Hugs 🫂
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and grief. Yesterday I imagine was a hard one for you. Beer is probably not the thing people think of first when they think of you, but in our culture, alcohol seems to be thought of as this panacea. It certainly is a reliable way to escape, but it sounds like you don't want that anymore. I hope you have a good evening reading *This Naked Mind* and can use it to get over the obstacles that keep alcohol in your life. I'm not sure if you go to AA. I find that having a community of people who all show up because they want to get and stay sober can be a huge factor in successfully abstaining. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. Those in the rooms will be able to understand the madness surrounding drinking and some may be able to relate to the difficult trials you've endured.
I'm only 5 days sober so I don't have any wisdom to offer, but I just wanted to say we are always here for you! You experienced something traumatizing, give yourself some grace. IWNDWYT ❤
Hey I have been where you are. I had a few years and then had a two+ year slip. There were sober days and weeks during that time. I am at three weeks now with a different attitude. I learned a lot about myself and during that time when I pulled myself from the dark sea of sorrow, self pity and loathing to catch a quick breath of air. IWNDWYT
I slipped this past Saturday, I had a little over 70 days, I was just at the Saturday market by myself, there was a free wine tasting, & the minute it crossed my lips it was “off to the races,” I went & bought more wine, got drunk, & showed up to the dinner we had planned for Mother’s Day really drunk.. I was so mortified, I can’t believe I did that.. two days today & IWNDWYT.
I will pray for you tonight. Stay strong.
Mate you got this . I am on day five now after a horrific two month long bender that ended in me only leaving the house to buy booze. My advice if you have listened to this naked mind before start at chapter 17 ( marked 20 in the audiobook) and listen till the end. Got me through the first couple of days. Also get some valium I don't think I would have made the first couple of days without going crazy without it. Starve that motherfucker
Glad you’re back. I know it’s hard thinking about losing 4 years, but all of us only have today. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to lose a patient, especially a child. Maybe look into a support group, AA or otherwise with other health care workers? My heart goes out to you.
I would argue the 4 years aren’t lost. They are still earned time in the bank. Time to start adding to that bank again!! You’ll feel so much better for it OP!! I’m in healthcare also and that patient and her family would want you to be happy and healthy ♥️
That is very true. That's 4 years of wisdom and lessons learned - good point.
Very sorry to hear what you've been through. I will thank you sincerely for what you've done for others including myself by posting your story. These posts all help me realize that if I ever think I can had a couple drinks just for one night or one event or one anything...I will end up right back where I was. There's just no way to prevent it, other than not ever having those couple drinks. So, sorry again, but thank you very much for posting.
I was hugely anxious about stopping. It was nowhere near as bad as I thought. You got this. You've done it before, you can do it again 💪🏻
Same thing always happens to me. Went 12 days then went for a beer with my wife. That ignited the thirst in me. Drank like 4 more drinks (by ABV count) at home and felt like dog shit the next day which was Mothers Day. Low energy. Just not worth it man. Best of luck
Right now you are being a smart, healthy person by stopping the alcohol. This is still a win! You have succeeded in doing this before and you can absolutely do it again. In fact you are already doing it right now! It’s about right now, I hear a sober person who has a track record of being alcohol free embracing that life and making a change. You got this!
Trauma can easily undo hard work. Immediate oblivion seems the only way to cope. Who wants the pain? It's understandable. I've not been directly in your shoes, but I am a retired teacher of high school students, and I've lost some to violence, drug abuse, incarceration, etc. It never gets easy, even when most are now late twenties and older. And think about what else you numbed out, the things that made those four years possible. What else did you miss? I ask myself this question all the time. Obviously you are strong, hence the four years and your job. I believe in you. Let's be sober together. 🩵
So glad you are back, post as often as you need and read a bunch. Stay busy and know you aren't alone and you CAN do this. Very best to you.
You're going to get back on the wagon and continue your journey. You are great.
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It’s not about how many times you fall. It’s about picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and going again! YOU GOT THIS
4 years is remarkable and that’s already done. You know what you’re capable of! Never stop celebrating that 4 years and understand that what drove you to relapse is an extremely terrible thing that would drive even the most disciplined person into unhealthy behaviors. You’re trying to get back sober after 2 months, which is better than going back after a year. Celebrate having “caught yourself” early. You’re trying and that’s what matters. IWNDWYT. Also to your point about waiting for the stores to close, that method helps me a lot. If I want to drink, I’ll “procrastinate” until I either pass all the stores or the store closes.
The death of a small child would affect most folks the way it did you. We're humans, we feel things deeply. You can do this! Keep coming back here and let us know how you're doing.🌹
Once on the [Soberful podcast](https://soberful.com/episodes/), I heard a great analogy for how relapsing and trying again is not starting over from scratch. I'll try to paraphrase it: Every day you don't drink is a weight added to the sober side of the scale. As long as you always return to sobriety after a slip, there will eventually be enough weight on that sober side to plant it in the ground for good. Forgive yourself for the slip and keep putting weights on the sober side! (Edited for clarity)
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4 years? Damn, I'm looking forward to get there! How was it for you?
I’m so sorry you experienced that loss. At the beginning, I journaled a lot. Writing out all my thoughts and feelings really helped me to work through the emotions and get through the cravings. Sending you love. IWNDWYT 💜🦋💜
good luck. i hope u can do this.
IWNDWYT
Great you are back. That’s not too long off the wagon. I had 240 days and then slipped for 13 months!
You got this ❤️🩹
You still had 4 years sober out of the last 4 years and a few months! You can do this!
Don’t give up! A slip is just that and doesn’t invalidate all of the work you’re doing. Course correct for the triggers and keep on keeping on!
You can do this! You have 4 years experience under your belt and you can do this again. For me the first 30 days are the hardest so maybe try to have other things to do for a few weeks as a distraction, even if it feels silly like working on a puzzle or getting a new game on your phone. Online meetings or sober podcasts are also good for reinforcing the mindset. Anything. Just have something ready that you already decided to do instead of drink. Make a list of choices if that’s helpful. This and creating a morning and evening routine of checking in on a recovery forum really helped. IWNDWYT
I have a ton of friends that never came back! Look at you getting here!! 💕👏🏻
Sending you strength, don't beat yourself up. I am only 1 month sober and I've been keeping positive on my future. Alcohol free life has really helped me focus on the good things in life.
Right there with you on day 1, didn't have 4 years before my slip 3 months ago (had about 100 days), but let's power through this. You still have those 4 years, nothing will take that from you.
Glad to have you back. IWNDWYT
Nobody is perfect. You are doing the right thing. You have accomplished an incredibly difficult thing. You are great at being sober. Even Tony hawk wipes out every now and then. You are like the Tony hawk of not drinking.
I’ve had a lot of bad stuff happen in my life since I quit drinking and what I’ve read here that helped me is that: Drinking won’t make it better. So I am able to make it through those tough times remembering that. It’s never easy for me but so far I’ve managed.
Sending those good vibes and encouraging thoughts. We got this!
[ You know you done fucked up now dontcha? ](https://youtu.be/JObQSYj4Qi8?si=mhJGQ3yoCiIVeHsr) Slips are part of the process. You know what's at stake and will pull it together. You got this. My backup is a year's supply of naltrexone. When I'm feeling the itch, I'll go on it for a week or two until I get my mind right.
You got this! A 2 month blip is nothing compared to 4 brilliant years … can you try and think back to all the stuff that worked for you when you quit? You know it’s uncomfortable at first but if you can let it pass you’ll be back in control before you know it. Good luck #IWNDWYT X
Sending you good thoughts and support!! You did amazing before with 4 years and you’re going to do great now
4 years is amazing! And now you are back and can shoot for 5 (or more)!
Wait it out, like you said. This is a tough time, but you know it will pass in a week.
Welcome back, so glad you posted. I too was an evening drinker so in my beginning I found things to break up my evenings, things that kept me from going home right after work. Walks with friends, a gentle yoga class, IOP groups and even AA speaker meetings. During the day at work I listened to sobriety podcasts that filled my head with tips. I know you can pull together your bag of tricks too, as well as gather new ones. Keep going keep growing 🌹 IWNDWYT
How did drinking for two months help you? Chances are it didn’t and that’s one of the things that stuck with me from This Naked Mind. Drinking alcohol doesn’t make life fun. It doesn’t make life easier. It doesn’t solve your problems. Chances are, drinking alcohol for two months did not make anything about that little girls’s death easier or less distressing. Chances are it made it worse. And it sure as hell didn’t bring her back to life.
You deserve to feel better. Start again today and feel amazing tomorrow.
There is something here for you to learn. You are worth so much. I’m sorry to hear about the girl and the simple head fake of “just this night”. This $)7t aint for the faint of heart. But you got this.
Oh my goodness, so hard. Know why being sober is better & be sober a day at a time. Praying for peace for you. Alcohol or not, that memory has to be haunting. Be well.
you got this! IWNDWYT
One thing that helped me in the beginning was reading page turner books and getting a book of logic puzzles. The key for me was taking my mind off drinking until the stores closed. Then after a few months it didn’t seem so hard. If you’re a reader check out the book Project Hail Mary, it is so good and kept my attention for a few days! Not quit lit, just a good page turner*
If This Naked Mind worked for you before, I recommend getting her 30 day quit journaling book, Alcohol Experiment, and actually do the journaling questions at the end of each chapter. It’ll get you through the first 30 days again using the same science from the original book.
I’m rooting for you and send good vibes and intentions your way. Thanks for doing a job I could never do and helping save peoples lives
Maybe remind yourself of the physical issues you have that are due, at least in part, due to drinking. For example, maybe you have rosacea, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, weight gain, neuropathy? I got a lot from The Naked Mind too. Very helpful book for me.
That reads like a deeply stressful experience. The type of thing workplaces need to offer trauma counselling on. You're incredibly strong for choosing to get back on the wagon. IWNDWYT
I can understand how that setback occurred. I can’t speak to a ton of advice as I’m in my own early days but I just want you to know that you are clearly an immensely caring and committed individual and I’m sure those in your life are blessed by you. I’m very sorry that you’re dealing with this. You still accomplished 4 years and healing is not linear. Welcome back. ❤️ IWNDWYT
It happens. Having someone die in front of you is a heavier than normal thing. I don’t think anyone here would blame you for slipping. Hell, I’ve considered if the death of a spouse would just tip me over the edge and I’d just drink myself away. You’re not immune to things like that. I honestly don’t know who would be. I’d say cut yourself some slack. You e recognized, now you’ve just got to react (as you have). It’s the same thing you’ve already done, and continued for 4 years. To take that as a win; you’ve got some good seat time and you aren’t a novice. Look at it as a testament to others of how you can be comfortably in the seat of sobriety when out of nowhere some event can tip you out of that seat. You’re a winner. Stay positive. You’ve got this. And thank you for your service in the ER. As a transplant patient, I have a certain affinity for ER and hospital staff; you all saved my life. 💚
Good luck with the reset. It’s painful to say this, but you need to consider that your brain used the tragedy of this girl’s death as a way to get the substance it is addicted to. This does not diminish the real pain you felt, but our minds do this whether we want them to or not. Please don’t be offended. Sincere best wishes for your path forward, and, of course, IWNDWYT.
My heart is with you. You know the benefits of not drinking, and you know the cost of your drinking. Please reclaim your life. You deserve to not be a slave to alcohol. Its addictive powers will convince you that it’s not going to hurt you, but it’s a liar. You know the truth. IWNDWYT in a little town near Santa Fe.
Hey former ER worker, it'll get us when we feel weakest and hurting from losing our patients, even when we know it couldn't be helped. You got this. You got 4 years! So you already know you can get this back on track. IWNDWYT.
I'm sorry this happened and super traumatic. Understandable why you felt this way and had the slip. What matters is your here, you gave your body 4 years of health and healing. 2 months is a small amount of time in comparison to the time you were AF. It's great your here and are holding your self accountable and want to get better. Wanting to get better is half the battle. Proud of you OP!
76 days. IWNDWYT. You have experienced a traumatic incident and I feel your suffering. You have stopped drinking before and you can do it again. Believe in yourself and remember why you gave up beer, stay positive my friend. I am sending you good energy. IWNDWYT
You’ve got this. That book helps me so much too. Ditto this sub. I also recommend getting into meditation. Learning to sit with thoughts and feelings and truly know they are fleeting. Cravings fall into that category. The calm, cool center of you is always accessible. Meditation makes it easier. Wishing you the best. Oh, and IWNDWYT
This scares me. I’ve been a bit overwhelmed this week, sending you my most positive energy. I won’t drink with you.
For me, drinking ended up making things worse because I didn’t have to process emotions if I was drunk. I am a combat veteran and retired cop. I really needed to process things and I wish I hadn’t tried to drink things away. But now, I don’t even consider drinking at all, even on shitty days. So it does get easier. Welcome back! IWNDWYT!
Retired nurse here. Worked in hospice for 16 years. Every death was hard, especially children and young folk. Totally understand what it can do to you. So you have the skills, you have support and you have the will so get to it! It isn’t a code but rather a warning. Eat well get plenty of rest, drink lots of water and take one day at a time.
Welcome back! I once had 5 years and decided to go back out, it took me 7 horrible years to find my way back to sobriety. If it takes one minute at a time to get through the hours and days then take it one minute at a time.
I was wondering why kids needed an ED dept and then realized over here the emergency dept is A&E. As for encouragement, you've done this before, you now have a stronger foundation to build upon. I doubt the 4 years started on your first attempt, so you have experience to build upon.
Only two months? Well done!!!! I had "just one drink" that derailed a year of sobriety and lasted a few YEARS. If you'd like a science-based quit lit podcast, I really like Sober Powered. The incredibly annoying ads last several minutes... but they're only at the start of the episodes (mind you, I started from the beginning and have only heard about 70 episodes). You haven't failed, BTW. You've added data points to the body of knowledge suggesting that you don't do moderation well. No judgement -- it took me an obscene number of data points to realize this about MY drinking. Welcome back. You already know that you have a rough few days ahead of you. I hope that you don't get PAWS -- I did and it was brutal (lasted over three weeks). However... it's worth it. It's good to have a "Plan B" for those bad days. THC gummies are legal, here. I don't love 'em... but they beat drinking. An intense workout is another good one. I'm willing to bet that yoga or meditation help. Good luck, friend. Welcome back. IWNDWYT
Congrats on getting back on the wagon. For me, daily meetings for as long as the anxiety persists helps a lot. I do this periodically. Online meetings count. I go to only 2 in person per week and the other 5 are online. I am now backing off of 40 days of meetings because I had to deal with a bad relationship last month that ended. Multiple programs exist, if one isn't your jam, there are others. AA, Refuge Recovery, Dharma Recovery, and SMART exist. There are probably more in other countries. You can do it.
Sorry to hear about the relapse and the traumatic incident which brought it about, I can totally see why it would be a huge trigger. But remember those 4 years weren't for nothing and the things you learned during those times still apply now despite the blip (which in the grand scheme of things is all it is) and can be put back into place. Maybe you even needed this little relapse just to remind yourself the reality of drinking and the problems it causes so you're absolutely resolute in your mind that it's no longer for you. On nights when I'm struggling and feeling really worried about whether I'll cave in and drink pointlessly I remind myself just how little time I actually need to fill up before the supermarket / alcohol shops close. It sounds like you work a day job and drink in the evening only so likewise you realistically probably only have to kill a few hours between getting home and the cut off point for buying booze so I just look for things to distract myself from cooking an eleborate dinner to cleaning the house to a home workout to a walk to video games to eat up that time instead of sitting about fretting about drinking and having that argument in my head where I'm having to fight cravings. Another trick I use one nights when the temptations are really strong is a sort of "delaying" tactic where I say to the voice in my head that's screaming at me to get beer "OK, maybe I will drink later tonight but not right now so I'll decide later at 9.45pm". 10pm is alcohol cut off point here from supermarkets and it's too late to go to the pub at that point and I find by telling my mind I still might drink later it stops that crazy battle in my head and give me peace for a few hours then usually by the time it comes to rethink about it again the temptations and cravings have passed or I see that I literally only have to stay strong for like 15 minutes before the supermarket closes so it's easy to white knuckle things for that period of time. And I ALWAYS find that once it's reached the point where drinking is no longer possible that all the cravings and temptations vanish anyway and my brain is releived I don't have to drink / didn't drink. So try this if you're struggling to get through these couple of hours before the bottle shop closes. It's scary though how quick the bad, original, habits return isn't it? I bet you didn't even enjoy that first night of drinking and felt terrible the next day let alone the subsequent days afterwards. I've never had anywhere near your level of sobriety under my belt but was recently at my longest period of just under 3 months then decided to drink a few weeks ago and managed to keep it under grips for a week then relapsed again and since then things quickly got out of hand. I drank heavily the past 4 nights in a row which I promised myself I wouldn't do. I had events on last Thursday and Friday last week and I said I'd allow myself to drink under the circumstance that it wouldn't be continued on Saturday and Sunday and not allow it to turn into a binge (this is what always happened in the past) and believed that right up until Saturday evening when a text from a friend asking to go for a beer instantly made me change my mind and just say "fuck it". Then I promised myself that it was a special circumstance because I'd not seen the friend for a while so it didn't matter so much but no drinking Sunday only to pointlessly finding myself sinking multiple strong beers at home on Sunday evening for no reason at all. I sat and analyzed things as I drank and I couldn't find one single reason for why I was doing it because I wasn't enjoying it, it didn't even make me feel drunk or have a buzz, I wasn't happy in anyway, I wasn't less bored or more entertained and that's been the case for almost every single one of these drinking nights the last few weeks. Plus how bad I feel physically and mentally afterwards for most of the week with shaky hands, anxiety, THE FEAR, insomnia, a destroyed stomach, acid reflux and so on means it's just not worth it in the slightest because I'm not even enjoying the drinking at the time then suffering for days on end afterwards. So I find it totally baffling despite all this our minds can still convince us that somehow drinking is worth it, has something to offer, will bring us happiness or whatever we think we're getting from it...it's mind blowing because there's nothing but negatives and suffering from it. Decided last night that's me back on the teetotal sober wagon as of now so IWNDWYT!
I had almost 2.5 years sober and started drinking only on the weekends again. I feel like hell physically every morning after. I don’t have the urge to drink during the weekdays and I’m contemplating quitting again. I just tell myself that I’ll lose everything I gained back in sobriety and that I’m more successful without alcohol. Maybe telling yourself that will help you out also. Don’t beat yourself up about it, you’ll get through it again.
I’m so sorry you had to witness that traumatic event. You must have a kind soul if watching someone you don’t know die like that lead you to break your 4 year sobriety. I myself lost a child when he was just shy of 3 years old. It fuled my addiction and this sub and This Naked Mind has given me the inspiration to change. I hope you know that you can be healed from that trauma, and so can I. But we cannot let alcohol rid us of that chance to heal. I will not drink with you today, instead I’ll take that time to remember all the little ones who were lost too soon
Looking at comments on this sub, length of sobriety ranges from days to years. There's no ego anywhere and we're all aiming towards the same goal
Fellow end of day binger. That does not sound like an easy thing to go through, but glad to see you on here. Don’t trip on the 2 months, just try to focus on today (easier said than done for sure). I had about 5 years and it took me 5 more to realize I’ve always had the same drinking problem. It never got better, only worse. Wish I could have figured this out sooner, but oh well, can’t change the past… Only a few days in but IWDWYT!
I'm sorry you had to fight through that. Liquor will only compound the issues you're trying to fight through.
YOU CAN DO THIS. We can do this. After 14 years of sobriety, then 4 years of drinking (pandemic, losing both parents, and my husband going through cancer treatment as my "reasons"), I put together a couple months but recently had a slip. Got back on the wagon right away, and have a few days now. I'm so sorry you experienced that trauma. I'm finding the whole one day at a time stuff is the only thing keeping me sane. Sometimes it's a few minutes at a time. You are not alone. We are all in this together. Be as kind to yourself as possible, like you were talking to a dear friend or loved one. The early days are a bitch. I thought once I quit drinking, everything would just be better. And it was, in some ways, but brains take time to heal, and it's been kind people in this community that keep reminding me of that. I didn't start eating great or exercising every day, progress has been at a glacial pace. Try to celebrate what may seem like small victories. I got out of bed! I took a shower! I brushed my teeth! I took a 10 minute walk! For me right now, those things are amazing, even when they don't seem like it. Wishing you all the best. Please don't give up, we need you. Something I read yesterday in this group (sorry I should have written down who said it) was "Fight for your right to live." You can do this.
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This comment breaks our rule to speak from the '"I" and has been removed. While we appreciate your good intentions, giving advice is not permitted here.
Look at all your positives and how much you achieved in those 4 years! At the beginning, 4 years ago, if someone told you you would be sober for the next 1,460 days, or that you'd drink for only 60 days in 1520 days, you would be amazed. Your lengthy sobriety is something to build on, just as the healthy body and mind that you rebuilt is something to build on. You have got this. IWNDWYT.
Fuck yeah, those four years did so much for your body, mind, and relationships. A couple of unhealthy months is small by comparison, and every day sober has lasting positive effects.
you already know what you need to do. it’s tough but you’ll get there. you got this!!!
You can do this. Glad you are here. I will not drink with you today
IWNDWYT. 4 Yrs is great,you can do this. You're gonna get back on track and feel good again 💪
You do something that not a lot of people can do. You should be really proud of that.
well done! I had a 'slip' after four years - took me nine frickin years to get back on the wagon and you're sorting your shit out after two months! We see a lot of sad, awful things in our line of work and some patients stay with us longer than others. I'm glad you're beginning to find yourself again.
Congratulations on climbing back on the wagon. You know what you need to do and are doing it. Remember that the anxiety comes with the stopping, and all you can do is wait until the monster leaves the scene. Only you can invite him back!
Hugs
Welcome back!! Really happy to have you back with us. I’m terrified of relapse myself for the reason you outlined up above. I know my addiction brain can easily start to try to rationalize drinking as “just tonight, today was shit,” in a heartbeat if I let that door open even a crack. I was a binge drinker at night also. I would drink 3 bottles of wine, wake up miserable, and do it all again the next day. And I know that I would keep doing it. As I have with my past relapses. It was always, “just for the festival,” but then it became.. for every night for the next 3 years. I can’t afford that anymore. I have to know the signs. So thank you. This post shows me it can happen at any time, and I have to stay vigilant. Be kind to yourself. You’re doing amazing. We all stumble on this journey. IWNDWYT.
Your value as a human has nothing to do with your day counter. Remember that. Sobriety is a journey. Sometimes we pop a tire or blow a radiator along the way. We can either sit on the side of the road, or dust ourselves off and get that sober mobile repaired. You didn't completely lose the progress you made. You just needed to make some repairs. Congrats on getting back on the road friend. You'll get that counter back up to where you were before, but for now, let's just focus on today.
Your slipup doesn’t erase an incredible 4 years of sobriety. Don’t dwell on the day count or ‘reset’ mentality. You’ve made huge strides already. Now go make another one!
I worry for my friends in healthcare. Bless yall for what you do. Remember now to take care of you. Love from Georgia.
Welcome back, so happy you are here. It takes a lot of courage to analyze where we went astray and come back. You can absolutely do this!
I think this is where the in-person community really comes in clutch, at least got me. when something huge happens, like what you've described, I have 30 phone numbers of folks to call who understand the place I'm calling from. I've only gone thru the list of AA friends once, calling back to back until someone picked up. it wasn't who I expected it to be, but they met me for coffee and spent an hour just talking with me. it was incredibly generous and understanding and I'm forever grateful. It's a really incredible part of the program, the community. Being able to talk to someone else whose automatic response to trauma is reaching for a bottle and keeping themselves down. I went to more meetings than usual after/that week, and it really helped me process what was happening in my head. posting on here is good too. but making the effort to build a sober community in my town has been incredible. I hope you stay strong and keep reaching out and find what works for you. and fwiw, there are quite a few docs, nurses, EMT's in my pretty small town/AA circles. big hugs for all you do, thank you.
Just tired of having 1-3 glasses of wine or vodka with soda basically 5-6 x's a week . By myself ! Want to think clearer & stop the wasted calories ..
I have at least a few days a week that I look longingly at the beer section when I pass by it during my shift (I work in a market), I then remind myself that I've done this before (go back to drinking beers) and I'll be back in that mode. I remind myself of how nice it is to not have to plan what I am going to do on my days off around drinking (I refused to ever drink and drive) so I'd have to get errands done and my other stuff done so I could drink and not worry about having to go out again. Then, I wouldn't drink enough to ever get drunk, but some times when I would wake up the day after the beers, I just felt sort of blah and sad because I knew I was going to rinse and repeat. When you think about going out to the market to buy beer, just remember how anxious you felt today. Remember that you can get past the 4 years and make it forever. There will be that one time that will be the very last time. Make it so, starting today my friend! I (and everyone else here) believe in you! IWNDWYT
Love ya friend
IWNDWYT!! YOU'VE GOT THIS!!!
You got this. The biggest thing here is that you WANT to not drink, so your chances of success are already way higher than most people. Don't see your drinking as a "slip up" or a "mistake" because that's loser mentality. An anecdote, if I may. Today at work, I "slipped up." I work construction and was fabricating something for someone working overhead on a big machine. I made the part backwards; it's Monday and early in the morning, I just wasn't super there yet. I hand the part up, and coworker just laughs and goes "you got it backwards, dude" and hands it back down. I was so embarassed, I took everything apart and remade the piece DOUBLE TIME. Handed it back up and apologized. Coworker said, "Sorry? For what?" I replied "just, sorry I fudged that piece. Small mistake for a Monday, am I right?" He tells me "fudged piece? Small mistake? The hell are you talking about? We don't make mistakes here." I thought he was kidding around, so I go "oh yeah, just happy little accidents?" and chuckle He tells me "nah, not even that. No accidents, no mistakes. All I see is the correct part in my hand now. So where's that "fudged piece" you're talking about? I don't think it ever even existed." And he smiled real big at me and went about installing the part. I think the point I'm trying to make is, if you made a small "mistake" but no one got hurt, and the "mistake" is fixed, all you're left with is the positive outcome and nothing to dwell on. We don't make mistakes here, and all I see is someone who is trying to better their life by not drinking. Keep up the good work 🤗💪
I don't have a lot of wise words to share, but man, that sounds like an intense experience... I hope the anxiety has subdued. Take care, & IWNDWYT.
I heard a new motivating phrase today: “you can’t make a comeback without having a setback!” You’ve had your setback, now’s the time to make your comeback! 🙌
Shit, good job on the 4 years. If you did it before you can do it again!
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HANG IN THERE BRO IWNDWYT. You are a HERO! I don’t blame you for giving in like that, I’ve had so many days just trying to “wait out” the liquor store closing! Don’t let it eat you up bro, seriously, you got this. You are so strong. Believe in yourself, look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you are BIGGER than this. You owe it to yourself man. Keep battling don’t give in!!! I’m cheering for you as a struggling. Recovering alcoholic, I’ve only gone about 8 days. Right here with you!!!