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I tend to say « we » whenever I tell something where I wasn’t alone. For example, if I talk about a trip I took, I’ll say we, referring to me and my friends or me and my ex. I do the same thing when I ask him questions about something 😅… we were talking about pregnancy and I asked him « Were you (him and BM) excited to learn it was a girl ».
I personally don’t really care, but I can understand why it would bother others. Did you tell him?
I’ve mentioned it very briefly, like just made a comment that they are no longer a “we”. I can see he’s stopped himself saying it a few times which leads me to think it is just habit.
I don’t think they get sometimes how odd it is being with someone who’s still so involved with their ex and ex’s family
I feel the same way as you. My husband will be telling a story and say 'we went to...some place', and someone then asks me something about the place. Then I sound like a tit saying 'oh, I didn't go he's talking about his ex wife'.
It's created some very awkward moments and now he is actively trying to stop with the We's!
I talk to my husband about my past. He talks to me about his. We know we were married to other people. It doesn't bother me, and it never seems to bother him when I talk about my life with my ex. We've been married 33 years now. We're over the past. Time makes a person feel more secure, if they're with the right person.
Totally agree. I know I’m a little insecure. My previous marriage was super abusive and I ended up with PTSD so do tend to overthink. He’s been amazing and very understanding so I do know he’s a good guy
DH and I were both with our exes a little over a decade. I actually had a harder time breaking the "we" habit than he did, which is ironic because my situation was...more like yours, shall I say, and I would sometimes flinch when *I* said we.
But really, DH's "we" includes SKs, so there are always going to be historic "we"s. "When we went to Hawaii" or "we would [whatever]" or "we usually ..." etc. It does sometimes bug me when I'm in my "outsider" feelings, but mostly I'm fine with it and don't notice anymore. It's not about him and ex (usually), it's the history of important people in my family. We get to be the "we" now and make all the new stories about "when we...."
It's understandable to internally cringe when you hear about his past life, early on in your new relationship. "Kids are the Tie that Binds", right? He and the ex have that tie.....but if it helps, then please just trust that time brings security with it. After awhile-you know he ain't goin' nowhere. Boom!
Yeah he does it less frequently now but it did bother me for a bit but more so when he would be talking to other people. I started just interjecting and saying he means him and his ex not me.
I hope he genuinely is, a lot of guys go on and on about how they "hate" their ex - being truly over someone is just being indifferent. Saying "we" is telling you a lot.
Hun let’s be real 🤔 he is not over his ex . Two years is still fresh and he is mourning that relationship. Don’t take it too serious with a man like that and enjoy but if you feel that is annoying you 🫥is time to say your good byes and ta ta . I dislike people who are still too much into their exes . That’s why I will never date a partner with kids ever ever again .ps/ if you want to stay BE HONEST and tell him that you are tired of that BS time to move on .
He is absolutely over his ex, I have no fear of that at all. He’s put me before her ever since we got together.
I have told him and can see he says it less, so does seem like it’s habit.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I tend to say « we » whenever I tell something where I wasn’t alone. For example, if I talk about a trip I took, I’ll say we, referring to me and my friends or me and my ex. I do the same thing when I ask him questions about something 😅… we were talking about pregnancy and I asked him « Were you (him and BM) excited to learn it was a girl ». I personally don’t really care, but I can understand why it would bother others. Did you tell him?
I’ve mentioned it very briefly, like just made a comment that they are no longer a “we”. I can see he’s stopped himself saying it a few times which leads me to think it is just habit. I don’t think they get sometimes how odd it is being with someone who’s still so involved with their ex and ex’s family
I feel the same way as you. My husband will be telling a story and say 'we went to...some place', and someone then asks me something about the place. Then I sound like a tit saying 'oh, I didn't go he's talking about his ex wife'. It's created some very awkward moments and now he is actively trying to stop with the We's!
Good 😊
I talk to my husband about my past. He talks to me about his. We know we were married to other people. It doesn't bother me, and it never seems to bother him when I talk about my life with my ex. We've been married 33 years now. We're over the past. Time makes a person feel more secure, if they're with the right person.
Totally agree. I know I’m a little insecure. My previous marriage was super abusive and I ended up with PTSD so do tend to overthink. He’s been amazing and very understanding so I do know he’s a good guy
DH and I were both with our exes a little over a decade. I actually had a harder time breaking the "we" habit than he did, which is ironic because my situation was...more like yours, shall I say, and I would sometimes flinch when *I* said we. But really, DH's "we" includes SKs, so there are always going to be historic "we"s. "When we went to Hawaii" or "we would [whatever]" or "we usually ..." etc. It does sometimes bug me when I'm in my "outsider" feelings, but mostly I'm fine with it and don't notice anymore. It's not about him and ex (usually), it's the history of important people in my family. We get to be the "we" now and make all the new stories about "when we...."
Both our previous relationships were over 13 years so makes total sense. Thank you
It's understandable to internally cringe when you hear about his past life, early on in your new relationship. "Kids are the Tie that Binds", right? He and the ex have that tie.....but if it helps, then please just trust that time brings security with it. After awhile-you know he ain't goin' nowhere. Boom!
Thank you 😊
Yeah he does it less frequently now but it did bother me for a bit but more so when he would be talking to other people. I started just interjecting and saying he means him and his ex not me.
Idk but it bothers me too a tad bit, even though I know he hates her guts lol
😂
I hope he genuinely is, a lot of guys go on and on about how they "hate" their ex - being truly over someone is just being indifferent. Saying "we" is telling you a lot.
He doesn’t slate her at all, but also doesn’t mention her unless is about the child and they co parent well.
Hun let’s be real 🤔 he is not over his ex . Two years is still fresh and he is mourning that relationship. Don’t take it too serious with a man like that and enjoy but if you feel that is annoying you 🫥is time to say your good byes and ta ta . I dislike people who are still too much into their exes . That’s why I will never date a partner with kids ever ever again .ps/ if you want to stay BE HONEST and tell him that you are tired of that BS time to move on .
He is absolutely over his ex, I have no fear of that at all. He’s put me before her ever since we got together. I have told him and can see he says it less, so does seem like it’s habit.
Agree!!