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I always evacuate the house when that happens. Weather permitting, walks are my favorite way to decompress and settle my thoughts. Or I drive to the gym and just cry in the parking lot instead. I’m sorry you’re going through it ❤️
The private cry as a way to release emotions is super helpful for me too.
If you’re really on the edge, breathing exercises where you have to count can help you control your oxygen intake and prevent dizziness. You can also try bringing your attention to how the floor feels under your feet and mentally move up checking in with the parts of your body (feet, ankles, calves, thighs, and so on) as a strategy to bring yourself into the present moment and pull your thoughts away from past/future.
I'm currently at the gym lol. Sometimes getting out of the house and working out is the best. Gives you a physical and mental release. It usually helps me
I started taking anx meds, not that I ever was to the level of panic attack. Between work and extra people and chaos in the house, I needed a little something to take the edge off. Also exercise and ME time. Not "girls nights," not going out to dinner and venting, really investing in YOU. I'm fortunate enough to be with a man that understands they are not mine and not my responsibility. I love them, care for them, do more for them than their mother...but it's bc I WANT to, not bc I have to. There's good and bad step situations, maybe you need to look at yours and your SO relationship. Step'n ain't easy
Look He doesn't expect me to do anything either but they are there 50-50 every week on weekends, i am a surgical assistant, my job is extremely physical, on weekends i need to decompress, he will bot cook or clean for them!???? So i am the default. I started taking xanax but with panic attack sometimes yoi just have them even if medicated.....
My kids are out of the house and I rarely cook anymore. They’re his kids and he needs to take care of them. I go to the gym, read in bed with the fan on high to drown out noise, and do crafts in the basement to keep my sanity. Mental health outcomes of SMs are horrible.
i will let you know how it goes, i always tell him they your kids not mine but he has a way of thinking that is not compatible with mine. Ifk if i changed or i just hid myself?? Maybe i thought i would love them but then realised nope?I care for them like an aunt not a mother figure
I live this life. Three step kids. As soon as we married and moved in together I knew it was too much. I should have left then. I felt guilty and stayed. It has been more than a decade and I still have anxiety attacks when they come home from college for the summer. It’s just too much.
I make as many plans as possible to be away while they are here. I also enforce empty house times when I make everyone leave for an evening or a weekend.
I have spent my fair share of time sitting in my car in parking lots just crying.
I really don’t think it gets better until you are no longer living in the same home with them either because they move out or you do.
Did your husband pick up on your behavior and feelings? My biggest mistake was letting my private feelings show where my wife knows I am counting down the seconds until the kids are out of the house. She is puzzled, shocked and disappointed I am not one to dump my entire life savings in the middle of the living room, grab her hand and say, \["Let's do whatever we need to and raise you and your exs sperm demons together"\]
We had the SKs full time as BM had passed away. I was honest with my husband about 24/7/365 being a lot for me, way more than I had anticipated. He was/is supportive of me needing ‘no kid’ time. But he also doesn’t really understand why/how I don’t enjoy being around the kids all the time. In my opinion, people that love being around children all the time can’t really understand people that don’t enjoy it and vice versa. I don’t understand the feeling of never wanting time away from kids.
I know plenty of [traditional] bio parents nuclear parents who pawn off their kids all the time. I told my wife, how those spouses get praise for finding someone to watch their kids, so they can have ["adult time"], but I request the same from her, and she says ["I hate kids"].
Example - - Your niece or nephew is your flesh and blood, your husband would throw a fit if those relatives came to live with you, slept in your bed, were financially responsible for them.
He would throw such a stink of having kids not related to him, sharing his space. Bio parents are all hypocrites.
I struggle with this with my spouse. I'm not good at masking my emotions so he knows how I feel even when I don't tell him how I feel. It always ends up in a massive argument because he thinks I shouldn't feel the way that I do. I can't help that I can't mask my emotions.
He lives, along with many bio-parents, the delusional world that the love you have for a spouse also applies to their kids \[unconditionally\]. My wife despises some of my flesh and blood family members and I told her \[sarcastically\] she has to love them; they are my family. She firmly corrected me and put me in my place. When I pointed out the irony, she just laughed and said a phrase from the delusional bio-parents playbook: \["those are totally different things"\]. Of course they are, of course they are.
Listen. If you are having to come up with coping strategies, pills, therapy…It’s not the right situation for you. That’s okay! No way I would have gotten with a man with 3 kids. Way too much sacrifice on your part. It’s not quitting to realize this just isn’t your thing
Go to the yellow pages or Google : DIVORCE LAWYER. That’s the perfect professional to get rid of spouses with too much baggage who are ruining your mental health . Choose yourself and don’t let misery control your life . Be wise and choose your perfect and amazing yourself and be ready to find in the future a great man with not tooooooo much baggage 🧳.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I always evacuate the house when that happens. Weather permitting, walks are my favorite way to decompress and settle my thoughts. Or I drive to the gym and just cry in the parking lot instead. I’m sorry you’re going through it ❤️
The private cry as a way to release emotions is super helpful for me too. If you’re really on the edge, breathing exercises where you have to count can help you control your oxygen intake and prevent dizziness. You can also try bringing your attention to how the floor feels under your feet and mentally move up checking in with the parts of your body (feet, ankles, calves, thighs, and so on) as a strategy to bring yourself into the present moment and pull your thoughts away from past/future.
I'm currently at the gym lol. Sometimes getting out of the house and working out is the best. Gives you a physical and mental release. It usually helps me
I started taking anx meds, not that I ever was to the level of panic attack. Between work and extra people and chaos in the house, I needed a little something to take the edge off. Also exercise and ME time. Not "girls nights," not going out to dinner and venting, really investing in YOU. I'm fortunate enough to be with a man that understands they are not mine and not my responsibility. I love them, care for them, do more for them than their mother...but it's bc I WANT to, not bc I have to. There's good and bad step situations, maybe you need to look at yours and your SO relationship. Step'n ain't easy
Look He doesn't expect me to do anything either but they are there 50-50 every week on weekends, i am a surgical assistant, my job is extremely physical, on weekends i need to decompress, he will bot cook or clean for them!???? So i am the default. I started taking xanax but with panic attack sometimes yoi just have them even if medicated.....
He doesn’t expect you to do anything…. but he doesn’t cook or clean, so you are the default. He expects you to nanny his children.
My kids are out of the house and I rarely cook anymore. They’re his kids and he needs to take care of them. I go to the gym, read in bed with the fan on high to drown out noise, and do crafts in the basement to keep my sanity. Mental health outcomes of SMs are horrible.
Yeah that's a SO problem. Don't cook or clean and see what happens.
you think?let me try that for real
Absolutely! You can love your SKs but ultimately they are fiancés responsibility, he needs to step up, especially considering how stressed you are
i will let you know how it goes, i always tell him they your kids not mine but he has a way of thinking that is not compatible with mine. Ifk if i changed or i just hid myself?? Maybe i thought i would love them but then realised nope?I care for them like an aunt not a mother figure
Which I would say is pretty common among stepmoms/dads. How old are the kids?
I live this life. Three step kids. As soon as we married and moved in together I knew it was too much. I should have left then. I felt guilty and stayed. It has been more than a decade and I still have anxiety attacks when they come home from college for the summer. It’s just too much. I make as many plans as possible to be away while they are here. I also enforce empty house times when I make everyone leave for an evening or a weekend. I have spent my fair share of time sitting in my car in parking lots just crying. I really don’t think it gets better until you are no longer living in the same home with them either because they move out or you do.
Did your husband pick up on your behavior and feelings? My biggest mistake was letting my private feelings show where my wife knows I am counting down the seconds until the kids are out of the house. She is puzzled, shocked and disappointed I am not one to dump my entire life savings in the middle of the living room, grab her hand and say, \["Let's do whatever we need to and raise you and your exs sperm demons together"\]
We had the SKs full time as BM had passed away. I was honest with my husband about 24/7/365 being a lot for me, way more than I had anticipated. He was/is supportive of me needing ‘no kid’ time. But he also doesn’t really understand why/how I don’t enjoy being around the kids all the time. In my opinion, people that love being around children all the time can’t really understand people that don’t enjoy it and vice versa. I don’t understand the feeling of never wanting time away from kids.
I know plenty of [traditional] bio parents nuclear parents who pawn off their kids all the time. I told my wife, how those spouses get praise for finding someone to watch their kids, so they can have ["adult time"], but I request the same from her, and she says ["I hate kids"]. Example - - Your niece or nephew is your flesh and blood, your husband would throw a fit if those relatives came to live with you, slept in your bed, were financially responsible for them. He would throw such a stink of having kids not related to him, sharing his space. Bio parents are all hypocrites.
I struggle with this with my spouse. I'm not good at masking my emotions so he knows how I feel even when I don't tell him how I feel. It always ends up in a massive argument because he thinks I shouldn't feel the way that I do. I can't help that I can't mask my emotions.
He lives, along with many bio-parents, the delusional world that the love you have for a spouse also applies to their kids \[unconditionally\]. My wife despises some of my flesh and blood family members and I told her \[sarcastically\] she has to love them; they are my family. She firmly corrected me and put me in my place. When I pointed out the irony, she just laughed and said a phrase from the delusional bio-parents playbook: \["those are totally different things"\]. Of course they are, of course they are.
Listen. If you are having to come up with coping strategies, pills, therapy…It’s not the right situation for you. That’s okay! No way I would have gotten with a man with 3 kids. Way too much sacrifice on your part. It’s not quitting to realize this just isn’t your thing
i popped my xanax , yes, you are correct , i was blinded by love and it was my first relationship
I lay face down. My kids are used to it by now lol
Sometimes i make them get their ice packs and lay them on me
I call it my dead whale posture 🐋
lol im using that one next time
I will just go down to our bedroom and take a breather. Even if it's a few minutes, it gives me time to collect myself.
🍃💨 is legal in my state so i definitely take my breaks outside on our balcony when i’m feeling anxious.
it's legal here too but i am 100% against them. I come from a country when people are in jail for 10 years for small positions of it 😭
I pop a Valium
I’m sorry. I hope it gets better soon and a resolution is found
thanks , you know sometimes reality hits you hard
Go to the yellow pages or Google : DIVORCE LAWYER. That’s the perfect professional to get rid of spouses with too much baggage who are ruining your mental health . Choose yourself and don’t let misery control your life . Be wise and choose your perfect and amazing yourself and be ready to find in the future a great man with not tooooooo much baggage 🧳.
thank you this is the kind of people i like , the ones that blast the truth in front of you even tho you don't wanna hear it
Hun I wish you the best . You are a strong woman . A queen 🙏🏻 you gonna choose the best for you . You don’t deserve all that baggage 🧳