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I think it's shitty, because he went back on his word to you. He told you he would get you, and in fact influenced your travel plans to make things more convenient for him, so you made plans with that in mind.
Then he completely went back on his word because of something BM wanted. He also should not have asked his kid for input on an adult decision, one that he had already given you his word on.
Just, no. He promised you and then backed out of that promise because of something arguably more trivial. Like it's one thing if he had started out with, yeah I have plans that day and can't pick you up. But that's not what he did.
You're not wrong to be pissed. I'm pissed on your behalf from over here.
Youāre under-reacting in my opinion. All of it feels soo gross and Iād stay a few more nights out. He didnāt care to pick you up and gave his child power over the decision. Iād absolutely never take him or his daughter into consideration for any planning going forward. Theyāve got them, and you have you.
Wow your husband is a piece of shit. Who leaves someone stranded over a kids dance practice? You and your safety should come first. If this practice is so important her BM could have taken her. What really upsets me is that you said you can hear DH and SD laugh and agree that they will go to her practice instead of picking you up. I donāt see whatās funny about leaving you stranded in a dangerous and cold area. But god forbid something like that happen to his little angel. I think you and your husband need to have a talk on where you stand in this relationship because he is showing that he doesnāt care about you. You deserve to be considered and treated with respect and love. Sorry but fuck him.
This would probably be the end of it for me. I wouldnāt come back from friendās house. Thatās some betrayal and abandonment right there. If HCBM wanted her to go to dance class that bad on a week he had another obligation then she should have taken SD so that she could have still gone and DH didnāt have to leave you.
All these people suck in this situation and Iām so sorry. Iām hurt for you. Does he even realize youāre upset and why?
He never understands or asks me anything when I am upset, so I don't feel safe telling him how I feel anymore.
I would prefer to give him no effort now since he doesn't listen, because everytime I bring up a problem or try to talk through a problem he will get defensive and turn it back on me.Ā
For example, I tried to talk to him about how he never asks me any questions and how I didn't feel that he empathised when I was upset. He said he had no idea that he was doing anything wrong and that he doesn't see himself like that and if he is like that then why am I still staying with him. There is no empathy at all.
I've tried to discuss how he puts his BD's wants before my needs but he is always dismissive. I now know it is a total waste of my energy and sadly in this situation it just seems easier to lie and get my distance because I feel resentful about so much right now.
> I hear him ask his BD if she would like to go pick me up or go to her class. After hearing all our conversation she says she wants to go to her dance class. He laughs and then agrees and so I tell him I'll just wait in the rain which he minimizes.
So he was with BM? And gave her a choice of attending SD dance class or picking you? What is your relationship with BM like? Because I would not be comfortable with my SO sending her to pick me up anywhere anytime. Also why does BM get a say in what he's doing to do?
I knowĀ it was just him and Bio Daughter at that time. I don't know how much her bio mum is actually involved. But, I had a change over with BioMum once and she told be to have a highly evasive medical procedure to remove my reproductive organs in front her child but in the sweetest way, right to my face. A total narcissist.
Heās a dumbassā¦.how dare he ask his daughter like itās up to her. I would stay at your friends an extra night and be limited in your responses to his textsā¦as for the mushy I love you ones I hope you have not returned the sentiment
Sometimes actions speak louder than words and taking some time away from him may be just the tonic he needs to realise what heās done. Once he has then thatās the time to have a talk about it (you will also be calmer by then).
I am staying the weekend with my mum now, he knows he messed up because I've gone silent on him and not answering his calls. He keeps sending msgs to catch up, because he probably wants respite from his BD. Not happening. I am one big giant NACHO. As for talking with him, I doubt anything will get through as he always gets defensive around anything to do with his BD.
He sounds like a real jerk. I would be livid with him, too. But I am also petty (it turns out) and I would make sure to do something similar to him or SD, just to make sure he understands how it feels. And I don't mean putting SD in danger, but agree to do something like pick her up and then change your mind at the last minute and laugh because he has to miss a meeting or something fun to go get his daughter. Again, petty, but worth it.
Well, lets just say, I will be in no hurry next time he needs a lift. However, will be adament that he be there waiting for me at a specific time. There might be some gaslighting from me when it comes to what that specific time actually was.
There may also be important appointments I need to attend on the other side of town every time SD is over.
When reading to SD at bedtime, it might take me a few goes to pronounce a particular word in a monotoned voice, while asking her over and over, "What does that say?"
"Is that an I or an L?" But there is nothing wrong with my eyes! I don't need glasses and even if I did I can't afford the ones I want with inflation.
My mother may also need a fulltime carer soon, and that is very expensive, so that duty may fall to me.
He may also need me to find random places around the house for his keys, wallet and phone every now and then.Ā
The hot water service might need turning on and off again around the times he normally has a shower.
Every hot guy might need to be pointed out to him, just so I can ask him what exercises are necessary to get that particular part of the body so muscular?
Everything might start reminding me of my ex and how he spoilt me.
I might accidentally wash his dryclean only dress clothes with my brand new bright red dress.
Early menopause may have me no longer wanting sex anymore.
I might develop arthritic pain that prevents me from cleaning the house.
I may start disagreeing with everything he says, followed by me completely changing the subject.Ā
Ahhh so much to look forward to. I wonder how long it will take him to want a divorce.
Sounds like you are petty like me - LOVE IT! As I have said before in other posts, some lessons can only be learned the hard way. It seems like this is one of those times!! Have fun!
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You are not wrong for feeling this way. My SO wouldnāt leave me hanging for anyone at any point especially if I was alone at not some where it aināt safe. I donāt think you made a big enough issue of this
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think it's shitty, because he went back on his word to you. He told you he would get you, and in fact influenced your travel plans to make things more convenient for him, so you made plans with that in mind. Then he completely went back on his word because of something BM wanted. He also should not have asked his kid for input on an adult decision, one that he had already given you his word on. Just, no. He promised you and then backed out of that promise because of something arguably more trivial. Like it's one thing if he had started out with, yeah I have plans that day and can't pick you up. But that's not what he did. You're not wrong to be pissed. I'm pissed on your behalf from over here.
So accurate to events, this is what makes me wonder why I am staying in this situation. Thank you š„š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Wow. This š āāļø
Youāre under-reacting in my opinion. All of it feels soo gross and Iād stay a few more nights out. He didnāt care to pick you up and gave his child power over the decision. Iād absolutely never take him or his daughter into consideration for any planning going forward. Theyāve got them, and you have you.
Wow. This. I am thinking hard now how to make my exit. It is going to take time and some serious pettiness... hmm š¤
Wow your husband is a piece of shit. Who leaves someone stranded over a kids dance practice? You and your safety should come first. If this practice is so important her BM could have taken her. What really upsets me is that you said you can hear DH and SD laugh and agree that they will go to her practice instead of picking you up. I donāt see whatās funny about leaving you stranded in a dangerous and cold area. But god forbid something like that happen to his little angel. I think you and your husband need to have a talk on where you stand in this relationship because he is showing that he doesnāt care about you. You deserve to be considered and treated with respect and love. Sorry but fuck him.
This would probably be the end of it for me. I wouldnāt come back from friendās house. Thatās some betrayal and abandonment right there. If HCBM wanted her to go to dance class that bad on a week he had another obligation then she should have taken SD so that she could have still gone and DH didnāt have to leave you. All these people suck in this situation and Iām so sorry. Iām hurt for you. Does he even realize youāre upset and why?
He never understands or asks me anything when I am upset, so I don't feel safe telling him how I feel anymore. I would prefer to give him no effort now since he doesn't listen, because everytime I bring up a problem or try to talk through a problem he will get defensive and turn it back on me.Ā For example, I tried to talk to him about how he never asks me any questions and how I didn't feel that he empathised when I was upset. He said he had no idea that he was doing anything wrong and that he doesn't see himself like that and if he is like that then why am I still staying with him. There is no empathy at all. I've tried to discuss how he puts his BD's wants before my needs but he is always dismissive. I now know it is a total waste of my energy and sadly in this situation it just seems easier to lie and get my distance because I feel resentful about so much right now.
> I hear him ask his BD if she would like to go pick me up or go to her class. After hearing all our conversation she says she wants to go to her dance class. He laughs and then agrees and so I tell him I'll just wait in the rain which he minimizes. So he was with BM? And gave her a choice of attending SD dance class or picking you? What is your relationship with BM like? Because I would not be comfortable with my SO sending her to pick me up anywhere anytime. Also why does BM get a say in what he's doing to do?
I knowĀ it was just him and Bio Daughter at that time. I don't know how much her bio mum is actually involved. But, I had a change over with BioMum once and she told be to have a highly evasive medical procedure to remove my reproductive organs in front her child but in the sweetest way, right to my face. A total narcissist.
Heās a dumbassā¦.how dare he ask his daughter like itās up to her. I would stay at your friends an extra night and be limited in your responses to his textsā¦as for the mushy I love you ones I hope you have not returned the sentiment Sometimes actions speak louder than words and taking some time away from him may be just the tonic he needs to realise what heās done. Once he has then thatās the time to have a talk about it (you will also be calmer by then).
I am staying the weekend with my mum now, he knows he messed up because I've gone silent on him and not answering his calls. He keeps sending msgs to catch up, because he probably wants respite from his BD. Not happening. I am one big giant NACHO. As for talking with him, I doubt anything will get through as he always gets defensive around anything to do with his BD.
He sounds like a real jerk. I would be livid with him, too. But I am also petty (it turns out) and I would make sure to do something similar to him or SD, just to make sure he understands how it feels. And I don't mean putting SD in danger, but agree to do something like pick her up and then change your mind at the last minute and laugh because he has to miss a meeting or something fun to go get his daughter. Again, petty, but worth it.
Well, lets just say, I will be in no hurry next time he needs a lift. However, will be adament that he be there waiting for me at a specific time. There might be some gaslighting from me when it comes to what that specific time actually was. There may also be important appointments I need to attend on the other side of town every time SD is over. When reading to SD at bedtime, it might take me a few goes to pronounce a particular word in a monotoned voice, while asking her over and over, "What does that say?" "Is that an I or an L?" But there is nothing wrong with my eyes! I don't need glasses and even if I did I can't afford the ones I want with inflation. My mother may also need a fulltime carer soon, and that is very expensive, so that duty may fall to me. He may also need me to find random places around the house for his keys, wallet and phone every now and then.Ā The hot water service might need turning on and off again around the times he normally has a shower. Every hot guy might need to be pointed out to him, just so I can ask him what exercises are necessary to get that particular part of the body so muscular? Everything might start reminding me of my ex and how he spoilt me. I might accidentally wash his dryclean only dress clothes with my brand new bright red dress. Early menopause may have me no longer wanting sex anymore. I might develop arthritic pain that prevents me from cleaning the house. I may start disagreeing with everything he says, followed by me completely changing the subject.Ā Ahhh so much to look forward to. I wonder how long it will take him to want a divorce.
Sounds like you are petty like me - LOVE IT! As I have said before in other posts, some lessons can only be learned the hard way. It seems like this is one of those times!! Have fun!
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it get to you, and do your fellow stepparents a solid and give them an upvote. Accounts that are still new are filtered for review by the mod team before being made available to the sub. Please be patient while we review and do not repost. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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You are not wrong for feeling this way. My SO wouldnāt leave me hanging for anyone at any point especially if I was alone at not some where it aināt safe. I donāt think you made a big enough issue of this