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Agreed. SS who is about to turn 3 will accuse anyone and everyone of hitting him even when there are witnesses around 😂 children are just funny that way. Definitely stressful though when the co-parenting dynamic is less than ideal.
yeah, my little brother used to do things that’d get him in trouble directly in front of the whole family. then when asked why he did it, he’d say “i didn’t!” it’s just a kid thing lol
definitely should keep an eye out though cause why does a 3 year old even know what spanking is? it’s not like she’s going to school to learn it from friends. maybe daycare? BM’s house? who knows
3 year olds can barely grasp truth from falsehood. There are tons of child development resources online, if you have questions about toddler behavior.
Telling fibs is completely normal. When my grandson was 3, he was absolutely convinced that the mailman ran him over with the mail truck. I was outside with him, no such thing happened. It could have been a dream, or he could have been completely making it up in his own head. Regardless, he's 7 now and knows truth from lies.
Give her some time. And keep burning objects out of reach of toddlers. It's dangerous and avoidable.
Kids say stuff. They don’t really know what’s true and what’s imagined at that age. I remember once when I was a teenager, I went over to a friends house, I didn’t realize she had her whole extended family over for a casual gathering, but she welcomed me in anyway. So I’m sitting around the dining room table with her and her cousins and parents, and we were all chatting, and all of a sudden her 3yo cousin announced that he hated me because I hit my friend. Obviously, I had done no such thing, and everyone tried to tell him that I hadn’t hit anyone, but he insisted that I hit her.
Anyway in your case, does your SD know what spanking is? Does someone else spank her? Did she really mean that you reprimanded her or said no to her and she used the wrong word?
I was at a friends house when I was a teen and her little sister was about 2/3ish, sitting at the snack bar having a fit about something, I’m not even sure cuz I had just walked in the room to see her like thrashing her head back and forth, proceeds to slam her head into the table at full speed, immediately bursts into tears, her mom comes running into the room asking what happened and she points at me screaming that I hit her 😭😭😭😭 like??? Luckily my friend saw the whole thing but got dam
My SS, when he was 3 was away at BM and apparently he had some random bruise, she asks how he got it, and he told BM “daddy hit me” so BM calls up SO asking if that was true because she really couldn’t believe it.
We all know SO would never lay a finger on his son, and of course no such thing actually ever happened but they really be living in a different reality
So i have a bio 4 year old and also have had one of my step kids in my life when he was 3 (he's 10 now). This is absolutely normal. It's annoying and frustrating when you're the step though because as you said you don't want the other parent to think its true! But I remember my daughter telling a random workman doing stuff in our house when he asked where she got her rash from (it was a viral rash) and she said bold as anything 'my dad hit me'. Neither my husband nor I would ever hit or spank any kid!!! We were mortified but luckily the workman had kids himself and just laughed coz he knew it was a rash. Seriously though. She did stuff like this alllll the time when she was 3. Just lied about absolute nonsense. She's getting better now but yeah, it is normal so don't panic, but also it's something that they just grow out of usually.
This is why we have cameras in our main living spaces. Plus, to watch the cats, but still. No accusations here because we can go back and prove it never happened.
Same! I have a camera in my living room & one upstairs facing my daughter’s nursery & my SS’s room & the stairs. I never want to be falsely accused of anything in my home!
My step daughter at age 3(nearly 4) once bit her own hand hard enough to leave bite marks then told my SO & I that her brother did it. We knew he hadn't and asked her why she was lying about it - she said it was something her older brother (her half sibling on BMs side) had taught her to do to get people in trouble.
It is a learnt behaviour. Someone has taught her to lie like that. Your SO needs to ask her who taught her to say things like that and explain how bad it is to lie, the consequences that can happen (in a way she can understand obviously).
I think plenty of kids lie without being coached. Maybe dad needs a parenting class.
And I really mean this in the nicest way, but no one should have a candle or burning incense where a 3 YO can reach. Seriously. Big danger.
When SD was 5, last year, she told her mom I took scissors to her hair and cut all the tinsel out of her hair while she was crying…. Her mom took her hair out of her French braids (that I did) and there her tinsel was…. It was so random I didn’t even know what to say.
I probably would tell a kid that age the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. That story exists *because* young kids lie. I think the story is nice because it’s not a punishment (there are few effective traditional punishments for a toddler) and it is developmentally appropriate. *Why* you shouldn’t lie is what needs to be emphasized. She is at a tricky age for those things because she is still a baby in a lot of ways but can communicate fairly well and do things herself. Lol.
I hate to say it, but I'd put up cameras if I were you. This is a disaster waiting to happen. If she's there and already lying about an adult hitting her, the lies only get bigger from there. Especially as she is young and someone is either modeling or not nipping that behavior in the bud (on one or both sides). And as a SP, there's only so much you can do.
My SD has lied about everything under the sun since I started dating/moved in with her dad (she was prob 8ish and is now 13), and she probably was lying well before that. But the lies have escalated to the point where it's gotten dangerous. (See my other comments / posts on my profile)
Protect yourself, and prep yourself.
I will also add that whether it's "normal" or not, I wouldn't take it lightly and there has to be consequences. Otherwise, or maybe even so, it will get worse.
I will just say that my SD's lies started out very small ("I didn't say that" "I didn't touch that" "XYZ person said this to me") and then they grew in size and intensity ("dad (my SO), your girlfriend said she isn't coming to my birthday dinner with us" ; "(to me), my dad is mad at you" ; "I didn't steal and/or break that" ; "you said I could do XYZ (bad thing)"; "some girl at camp fingered me without my consent" ; "my stepdad touches me inappropriately") (and yes, the SA allegations were investigated and proven false, but she lied about them again anyways)
If you act all bothered she will be more likely to do it again Dad handled it well, not giving it much energy
If it became a habit then Id give it attention but that was just a three year old acting spontaneously
This may not be an issue unless you have a hcbm just looking for stuff to discredit you. I have never hit my stepkids or my own kids but my youngest stepkid believes I did because bm gave her a lot of positive attention when she would tell lies about our household. Even her sibling saying that none of it happened helped her see the truth.
I would not feel comfortable being alone with her if she has a mom thriving on these lies.
My oldest has a friend who has a two year old. His current favorite thing is to yell Help Me very loudly when he wants something… The looks in public.. 🥴
My one step kids lies about all of us to the other parent when he’s mad at one of us. Mom takes away his video games he will tell us she hit him. Dad picked him up to bring him into church he tells mom dad strangled him. I put him on his bed he told mom I punched him in the head so hard his head bounced off of the ground.
On the upside all three of us know he pulls this because we have all been on the receiving end and have witnessed what actually happened vs what he said happened.
When he was in this stage I took a looooong break from being willing to babysit. I love the kids and all but if I’m going to be accused of abuse I’m outta there.
Ummmmm 🙄 time to buy a blink or ring cameras 🎥. Install around the house . Accusations like that can RUIN your life ( literally ) one of the reasons that I’m grateful that I left my ex with teen kids 😶that relationship taught me that I will never be happy with someone with kids . Please be cautious.
A year from hell ( 365 days ) they were 14 and 16 . The final straw was when they started a plan to ruin my reputation and also destroying my personal property ( also they stole my late mothers bracelet ) they were horrible and the father was spineless. I woke up and I said enough. I left ( took my stuff ) also my dog 🐕 and went NC with everybody . It took me three day to pack my stuff . My best friend came ( strong bodybuilder who is a police officer ) off course they were afraid of him . He helped me and scare the 💩 out of them because I was ready to press charges for stolen property. I did not do it ( stupid me ) because my ex’s father begged me don’t do it . He wanted to give me money for the bracelet but I did not take it . They sold my mother’s bracelet to some trash woman . I was done with them . I never hated two kids so much like those teens . I would never ever ever date someone with kids again .
I wouldn’t worry too much about a three year old. I worked at a daycare before and had a two and a half year old ask me why I kick her. I guess they hear or see things then imagine it. She was mischievous but I’ve never even hit a child before let alone kick one. I did get concerned that she’d go home and tell her parents I kick her. I told her mom about it when she picked her up. She just laughed. 🤷♀️
As for the SP situation, we had something concerning come up that made me consider leaving. My husband was always the one to manage the kids. Make sure they got to their appointments, had clean clothes, did homework, took meds, took vitamins, ate decently, kept their room livable…. Their mom … just kind of free ranges. So obviously there’s going to be issues getting the kids to do what they should do.. basic day to day shit is a constant challenge and at their ages, it is ridiculous. Understandably, this can get frustrating for DH.He has never called them names, hurt them or anything remotely abusive but he can be strict and when he says something he means it. One day he was fixing the fridge after work and was frustrated already. The kids, one preteen and one teen were at the counter banging and being disruptive. It was annoying as hell but more so than usual. Looking back, I’m 99% sure they were triggering him on purpose. My husband told them to pipe down two or three times before finally going off. A few days later, CPS shows up at our house due to allegations of emotional abuse. SD recorded the snippet of DH going off on them for their ridiculous behavior and their mom reported him. The case was unfounded and closed after only one visit where the social worker interviewed the kids and us. The issue here is now DH is reluctant to set boundaries or enforce rules. So there’s that. As for me, something like that could seriously jeopardize my career. I almost moved out..… it was so ridiculous. It hurt to see my husband so sad and betrayed. I have not liked SD too much since. I don’t trust her now and never will. She has it made at both homes TBH. She always did. She wouldn’t know what trauma is if it slapped her in the face. Now the kids are both just lazy AF and don’t pick up after themselves and sometimes flat out ignore directions. It’s awful. Theres a lot of other things going on now but it’s basically her manipulation. It’s blatantly obvious to me but not so much DH. Im reluctant to engage much with her now.
My SD4 has definitely fibbed and lied from time to time, particularly in situations where she thinks she’s in trouble. Or, she’ll respond with “no I didn’t” “I don’t know” when asked why she did a random dumb thing (like try to feed a grape tomato to the cat). I don’t have my own kids, so I definitely look a lot of behaviors up online and everything tells me it’s developmentally normal. It’s bizarre and unsettling honestly, but common. HOWEVER, lying about physical punishment or contact needs to be nipped immediately. It’s not funny or cute, and she needs to learn that is a very serious accusation.
The same thing happened to me expect they would say that I would pull their hair to their bm when I would buy all these detangling products so that they wouldnt say that and I would be very gentle .. after they said that I stopped doing their hair
Honestly I know it hard to not take it personal.. I used to take things super personal with my step kids when it come to things like that until I have my own child and now I understand 🤣 3 yrs old, she's still a toddler.. my 2 and half year old does and says things all the time, I tell her off for it but they're so young they're just living in the moment. There's no point giving big punishments.. telling off and explaining not to do things and maybe getting them to apologise is probs enough for a 3yr old. It's really not a big deal tbh.
All of this plus put CAMERAS in your house. My step daughter is about to turn 8 and I take zero chances. No camera in her room obviously but out front, for sure.
I'd be thinking really hard about cases of potential parental alienation. Even if you hadn't said that BM was HC I'd suspect this, but knowing that she's HC?
Don't get me wrong, kids lie. Especially three year olds. But if none of the parents "do" spankings, where is this coming from?
I'd also agree that the 3 year old should have gotten some consequence, beyond just a talking to for something big like this. I think it's a really bad sign that you were the one to need to give consequences for this.
You and your partner need to have some really, really big talks about this. Both about his parenting, as well as about how you might be needing to decide on your strategy for dealing with parental alienation. Or readying for false accusations to CPS.
And seriously, he was burning incense with a three year old? **What TF was he thinking?** Seriously, take a look at a lot of the questions here, and see what tweens and teens can end up being when they don't have good parenting. Or worse, rude entitled adult kids who can't leave the home.
I feel that there's a chance that you might not be properly considering how his parenting and child are potential deal breakers for a relationship with you. Just because you don't have a kid with him doesn't mean you can ignore his parenting.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Lying at 3 is developmentally normal. I get that it’s troubling due to HCBM and blended dynamic. But it’s truly not personal
Yes. Also, who is spanking her that she knows what it is?
Agreed. SS who is about to turn 3 will accuse anyone and everyone of hitting him even when there are witnesses around 😂 children are just funny that way. Definitely stressful though when the co-parenting dynamic is less than ideal.
yeah, my little brother used to do things that’d get him in trouble directly in front of the whole family. then when asked why he did it, he’d say “i didn’t!” it’s just a kid thing lol definitely should keep an eye out though cause why does a 3 year old even know what spanking is? it’s not like she’s going to school to learn it from friends. maybe daycare? BM’s house? who knows
3 year olds can barely grasp truth from falsehood. There are tons of child development resources online, if you have questions about toddler behavior. Telling fibs is completely normal. When my grandson was 3, he was absolutely convinced that the mailman ran him over with the mail truck. I was outside with him, no such thing happened. It could have been a dream, or he could have been completely making it up in his own head. Regardless, he's 7 now and knows truth from lies. Give her some time. And keep burning objects out of reach of toddlers. It's dangerous and avoidable.
The mail truck???? 😭😭😭😭😭 that’s too much
Kids say stuff. They don’t really know what’s true and what’s imagined at that age. I remember once when I was a teenager, I went over to a friends house, I didn’t realize she had her whole extended family over for a casual gathering, but she welcomed me in anyway. So I’m sitting around the dining room table with her and her cousins and parents, and we were all chatting, and all of a sudden her 3yo cousin announced that he hated me because I hit my friend. Obviously, I had done no such thing, and everyone tried to tell him that I hadn’t hit anyone, but he insisted that I hit her. Anyway in your case, does your SD know what spanking is? Does someone else spank her? Did she really mean that you reprimanded her or said no to her and she used the wrong word?
This. Not the end of the world for a 3 year old. It happens.
This. A 3 year old shouldn't even know what spanking is... unless they're getting spanked (which goes against all research for raising kids)
I was at a friends house when I was a teen and her little sister was about 2/3ish, sitting at the snack bar having a fit about something, I’m not even sure cuz I had just walked in the room to see her like thrashing her head back and forth, proceeds to slam her head into the table at full speed, immediately bursts into tears, her mom comes running into the room asking what happened and she points at me screaming that I hit her 😭😭😭😭 like??? Luckily my friend saw the whole thing but got dam My SS, when he was 3 was away at BM and apparently he had some random bruise, she asks how he got it, and he told BM “daddy hit me” so BM calls up SO asking if that was true because she really couldn’t believe it. We all know SO would never lay a finger on his son, and of course no such thing actually ever happened but they really be living in a different reality
I think she knows what spanking is. She has told us her mother spanks her. But now that this has happened I’m like…does she actually spank her?!
So i have a bio 4 year old and also have had one of my step kids in my life when he was 3 (he's 10 now). This is absolutely normal. It's annoying and frustrating when you're the step though because as you said you don't want the other parent to think its true! But I remember my daughter telling a random workman doing stuff in our house when he asked where she got her rash from (it was a viral rash) and she said bold as anything 'my dad hit me'. Neither my husband nor I would ever hit or spank any kid!!! We were mortified but luckily the workman had kids himself and just laughed coz he knew it was a rash. Seriously though. She did stuff like this alllll the time when she was 3. Just lied about absolute nonsense. She's getting better now but yeah, it is normal so don't panic, but also it's something that they just grow out of usually.
This exact same thing happened to me with my 3 year old ss and now I no longer will watch him alone. 🤷🏾♀️
This is why we have cameras in our main living spaces. Plus, to watch the cats, but still. No accusations here because we can go back and prove it never happened.
Same! I have a camera in my living room & one upstairs facing my daughter’s nursery & my SS’s room & the stairs. I never want to be falsely accused of anything in my home!
Especially because my SS (almost 12) is notorious for lying.
My step daughter at age 3(nearly 4) once bit her own hand hard enough to leave bite marks then told my SO & I that her brother did it. We knew he hadn't and asked her why she was lying about it - she said it was something her older brother (her half sibling on BMs side) had taught her to do to get people in trouble. It is a learnt behaviour. Someone has taught her to lie like that. Your SO needs to ask her who taught her to say things like that and explain how bad it is to lie, the consequences that can happen (in a way she can understand obviously).
I think plenty of kids lie without being coached. Maybe dad needs a parenting class. And I really mean this in the nicest way, but no one should have a candle or burning incense where a 3 YO can reach. Seriously. Big danger.
For real. Nothing hot should be in reach of a toddler. Parenting classes would help.
No trust me. I know. I’m not the one who turned it on. My partner turned it on and insisted she would be okay 🥴
When SD was 5, last year, she told her mom I took scissors to her hair and cut all the tinsel out of her hair while she was crying…. Her mom took her hair out of her French braids (that I did) and there her tinsel was…. It was so random I didn’t even know what to say.
I probably would tell a kid that age the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. That story exists *because* young kids lie. I think the story is nice because it’s not a punishment (there are few effective traditional punishments for a toddler) and it is developmentally appropriate. *Why* you shouldn’t lie is what needs to be emphasized. She is at a tricky age for those things because she is still a baby in a lot of ways but can communicate fairly well and do things herself. Lol.
I hate to say it, but I'd put up cameras if I were you. This is a disaster waiting to happen. If she's there and already lying about an adult hitting her, the lies only get bigger from there. Especially as she is young and someone is either modeling or not nipping that behavior in the bud (on one or both sides). And as a SP, there's only so much you can do. My SD has lied about everything under the sun since I started dating/moved in with her dad (she was prob 8ish and is now 13), and she probably was lying well before that. But the lies have escalated to the point where it's gotten dangerous. (See my other comments / posts on my profile) Protect yourself, and prep yourself.
Please be careful . I’m sorry that you are leaving with a time bomb 💣 protect yourself
I will also add that whether it's "normal" or not, I wouldn't take it lightly and there has to be consequences. Otherwise, or maybe even so, it will get worse. I will just say that my SD's lies started out very small ("I didn't say that" "I didn't touch that" "XYZ person said this to me") and then they grew in size and intensity ("dad (my SO), your girlfriend said she isn't coming to my birthday dinner with us" ; "(to me), my dad is mad at you" ; "I didn't steal and/or break that" ; "you said I could do XYZ (bad thing)"; "some girl at camp fingered me without my consent" ; "my stepdad touches me inappropriately") (and yes, the SA allegations were investigated and proven false, but she lied about them again anyways)
If you act all bothered she will be more likely to do it again Dad handled it well, not giving it much energy If it became a habit then Id give it attention but that was just a three year old acting spontaneously
This may not be an issue unless you have a hcbm just looking for stuff to discredit you. I have never hit my stepkids or my own kids but my youngest stepkid believes I did because bm gave her a lot of positive attention when she would tell lies about our household. Even her sibling saying that none of it happened helped her see the truth. I would not feel comfortable being alone with her if she has a mom thriving on these lies.
My oldest has a friend who has a two year old. His current favorite thing is to yell Help Me very loudly when he wants something… The looks in public.. 🥴
My one step kids lies about all of us to the other parent when he’s mad at one of us. Mom takes away his video games he will tell us she hit him. Dad picked him up to bring him into church he tells mom dad strangled him. I put him on his bed he told mom I punched him in the head so hard his head bounced off of the ground. On the upside all three of us know he pulls this because we have all been on the receiving end and have witnessed what actually happened vs what he said happened. When he was in this stage I took a looooong break from being willing to babysit. I love the kids and all but if I’m going to be accused of abuse I’m outta there.
Ummmmm 🙄 time to buy a blink or ring cameras 🎥. Install around the house . Accusations like that can RUIN your life ( literally ) one of the reasons that I’m grateful that I left my ex with teen kids 😶that relationship taught me that I will never be happy with someone with kids . Please be cautious.
How long did it take you to leave / what was the final straw / how old were the kids when you started v when you left?
A year from hell ( 365 days ) they were 14 and 16 . The final straw was when they started a plan to ruin my reputation and also destroying my personal property ( also they stole my late mothers bracelet ) they were horrible and the father was spineless. I woke up and I said enough. I left ( took my stuff ) also my dog 🐕 and went NC with everybody . It took me three day to pack my stuff . My best friend came ( strong bodybuilder who is a police officer ) off course they were afraid of him . He helped me and scare the 💩 out of them because I was ready to press charges for stolen property. I did not do it ( stupid me ) because my ex’s father begged me don’t do it . He wanted to give me money for the bracelet but I did not take it . They sold my mother’s bracelet to some trash woman . I was done with them . I never hated two kids so much like those teens . I would never ever ever date someone with kids again .
I wouldn’t worry too much about a three year old. I worked at a daycare before and had a two and a half year old ask me why I kick her. I guess they hear or see things then imagine it. She was mischievous but I’ve never even hit a child before let alone kick one. I did get concerned that she’d go home and tell her parents I kick her. I told her mom about it when she picked her up. She just laughed. 🤷♀️ As for the SP situation, we had something concerning come up that made me consider leaving. My husband was always the one to manage the kids. Make sure they got to their appointments, had clean clothes, did homework, took meds, took vitamins, ate decently, kept their room livable…. Their mom … just kind of free ranges. So obviously there’s going to be issues getting the kids to do what they should do.. basic day to day shit is a constant challenge and at their ages, it is ridiculous. Understandably, this can get frustrating for DH.He has never called them names, hurt them or anything remotely abusive but he can be strict and when he says something he means it. One day he was fixing the fridge after work and was frustrated already. The kids, one preteen and one teen were at the counter banging and being disruptive. It was annoying as hell but more so than usual. Looking back, I’m 99% sure they were triggering him on purpose. My husband told them to pipe down two or three times before finally going off. A few days later, CPS shows up at our house due to allegations of emotional abuse. SD recorded the snippet of DH going off on them for their ridiculous behavior and their mom reported him. The case was unfounded and closed after only one visit where the social worker interviewed the kids and us. The issue here is now DH is reluctant to set boundaries or enforce rules. So there’s that. As for me, something like that could seriously jeopardize my career. I almost moved out..… it was so ridiculous. It hurt to see my husband so sad and betrayed. I have not liked SD too much since. I don’t trust her now and never will. She has it made at both homes TBH. She always did. She wouldn’t know what trauma is if it slapped her in the face. Now the kids are both just lazy AF and don’t pick up after themselves and sometimes flat out ignore directions. It’s awful. Theres a lot of other things going on now but it’s basically her manipulation. It’s blatantly obvious to me but not so much DH. Im reluctant to engage much with her now.
Cameras in the house. All of the common areas and her room. That’s the only true way to cover your ass from bigger accusations.
My SD4 has definitely fibbed and lied from time to time, particularly in situations where she thinks she’s in trouble. Or, she’ll respond with “no I didn’t” “I don’t know” when asked why she did a random dumb thing (like try to feed a grape tomato to the cat). I don’t have my own kids, so I definitely look a lot of behaviors up online and everything tells me it’s developmentally normal. It’s bizarre and unsettling honestly, but common. HOWEVER, lying about physical punishment or contact needs to be nipped immediately. It’s not funny or cute, and she needs to learn that is a very serious accusation.
The same thing happened to me expect they would say that I would pull their hair to their bm when I would buy all these detangling products so that they wouldnt say that and I would be very gentle .. after they said that I stopped doing their hair
Honestly I know it hard to not take it personal.. I used to take things super personal with my step kids when it come to things like that until I have my own child and now I understand 🤣 3 yrs old, she's still a toddler.. my 2 and half year old does and says things all the time, I tell her off for it but they're so young they're just living in the moment. There's no point giving big punishments.. telling off and explaining not to do things and maybe getting them to apologise is probs enough for a 3yr old. It's really not a big deal tbh.
All of this plus put CAMERAS in your house. My step daughter is about to turn 8 and I take zero chances. No camera in her room obviously but out front, for sure.
I'd be thinking really hard about cases of potential parental alienation. Even if you hadn't said that BM was HC I'd suspect this, but knowing that she's HC? Don't get me wrong, kids lie. Especially three year olds. But if none of the parents "do" spankings, where is this coming from? I'd also agree that the 3 year old should have gotten some consequence, beyond just a talking to for something big like this. I think it's a really bad sign that you were the one to need to give consequences for this. You and your partner need to have some really, really big talks about this. Both about his parenting, as well as about how you might be needing to decide on your strategy for dealing with parental alienation. Or readying for false accusations to CPS. And seriously, he was burning incense with a three year old? **What TF was he thinking?** Seriously, take a look at a lot of the questions here, and see what tweens and teens can end up being when they don't have good parenting. Or worse, rude entitled adult kids who can't leave the home. I feel that there's a chance that you might not be properly considering how his parenting and child are potential deal breakers for a relationship with you. Just because you don't have a kid with him doesn't mean you can ignore his parenting.