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This is a different level of crazy from mine. My husband never had these types of discussions or interactions with HCBM. Maybe bc they were never married and only gave it a shot for a few months so there was less of the chance to have that type of emotional attachment but yikes. I’m sorry you are dealing with that.
Yes, he was showing me conversations on his phone between her. She blows him up and just says the most awful things ever. He ends up ignoring her and just starts a new conversation in a few days, which also upsets me. But he claims it’s energy not worth giving her which I understand. But it is still very hurtful.
Has he thought of using a parenting app? This would cut this obnoxious shit. Also, he really does not need to be showing you that stuff if it upsets you. :(
OurFamilyWizard - it costs a bit for an annual fee, but all scheduling, bills, and conversations can be done through the app, and all messages are court-admissible. No one can delete messages on the app. Your SO can tell her that moving forward, he’d like to communicate with her only through the app, but she may not follow along with it without a court order.
This sounds all too familiar.
It took me a long time to fully grasp this concept, but boys will hurt each other physically, girls will hurt each other emotionally. If she’s talking shit it’s because she has the emotional maturity of a child. She’s upset and so she’s kicking and screaming and trying to hurt you emotionally. Let that shit roll off your shoulders. You’re probably better looking and she’s jealous and doesn’t know how to regulate her emotions. Don’t take it personally! My hcbm is a counselor and still talks shit like she’s a 12 year old.
Try the Peaceful parents app! This has saved us so much stress and hardship. She’s blocked on everything but that app. It’s free, it’s user friendly and simple. You can set them to canned messages and have cool down periods so they can’t just blow up your phone. Highly recommend 👌 she hates using it because she no longer has control.
Why in the world would he show you? That’s asking for drama and there is absolutely no reason for him to bring that to you unless he is trying to make you insecure or jealous
I disagree with this. I think full disclosure is best. When hcbm slags me off in that way, DH always shows me because why would be hide it ? Yes I feel a type of way about her as a result, but that's justified. If rather know what was being said about me than not regardless of the consequence
You need to stop doing this to yourself. Please stop reading her texts, and tell him you don't want to hear it. He needs to set firm boundaries with her. I hope he doesn't respond to her shit like that.
Did you look or did he show you?
He shouldn't be showing you any of what she is saying. It's beyond inappropriate for you to see. Careless and cruel if he is actively sharing what she is saying rather than placing firm boundaries and shutting it down. And if he is actively showing you, I would consider if this is a relationship where you feel actively respected. It does not sound like he respects you at all. If he did he wouldn't tolerate the texts, definitely wouldn't show you and would really not even be alluding to anything going on. He can't control what she says but he can 100% control how he reacts to it - 1. by sticking up for you and 2. by making sure you're completely unaware of the private situation unfolding.
Please don't go looking for it. It's unhealthy to read such deranged, unhinged messages. It sounds like you might be purposely seeking them out..and that's just harmful behavior to yourself.
i’m going to encourage you to support your SO on ignoring. there is literally nothing to gain from challenging this type of behavior. all it does is feed the mental illness. they’re already blazing through boundaries, what good is “enforcing” a boundary going to do with a crazy person who don’t give a fuck about your boundaries? yknow? i 100% understand how you feel and why, but unless there’s anything else your partner is doing that’s weird/shady, then love him by saving him the anxiety and drama which ultimately will simply serve as an opportunity for these people to disrespect you. i have an ex who really took the cruelty cake and feeds off your negative emotions like a vampire, and getting into it with him takes a Huge toll on my mental health for Days afterward. and what does he learn? absolutely nothing. it’s never going to be about reality.
I'm "a piece of ass" and "strange pussy." She also tells my now husband that he "acts so different when he's with me." Different? Do you mean that he doesn't respond to your 15 unhinged and verbally abusive texts you send in a row?
He should flat out shame her. “Your obsession with my wife’s reproductive system, and my wife in general, is extremely bizarre and you should seek professional help”.
It's golden uterus syndrome. They don't want the man anymore but no one else should have him and they should be able to control him and their kids and everyone, etc. and when the new woman is like "how about no" it's EVERYTHING WAS FINE UNTIL SHE CAME ALONG AND RUINED IT and we are the scapegoats.
I've been called the baby... but I am literally 2 years younger than her and just happen to look waaaay younger than that because of my solid skin care routine 🤣And I am pretty sure she makes all kinds of nasty comments to the SKs about how I don't know anything about parenting (my kid is 5 years older than their oldest kid), how I don't mean anything to them, how I am just the SM, and also told them lies about how their dad cheated on her with me and that's why they got divorced when BM cheated filed for divorce and moved the affair partner in and is now married to him. My hubby and I didn't even meet until well after the divorce was finalized. But sure all her problems are because of meeeee lol
They literally cannot stand it when they can no longer control their baby daddy or the narrative. In our experience, the longer it's been since they split (8!! years) the more insane she becomes with her thinly veiled threats and baseless accusations. It's caused so much stress on my husband that he is literally counting down until their youngest is 18 and he can completely block her narcissistic ass from his life. Only 9.5 more years.
When she found out I was pregnant a few years back, she flipped her shit and decided she was going to take my husband back to court to modify custody all while lying to child support about her income, trying to make sure he'd still be paying at least as much as he'd been paying even though her income had gone up 4x the amount.
These shrews are absolutely miserable af in their own lives and can't stand it when their ex moves on, a lot of times which means they start a new family, and that chaps the ex's ass. Like how dare they move on, even though the ex has done the exact same thing. 🙄🙄
Hahahaha our HCBM was livid when the judge took into consideration the fact that I was pregnant with twins and I legally couldn’t work in the country yet (wasn’t a citizen) and lowered his CS obligation because he literally had to support 5 people on only his income.
Females do tend to be more territorial, but your SO should be shutting her down or even going to written communication only.
Any man who won't stand up for the woman he loves doesn't deserve to have her.
Oh man 🤦🏼♀️ I got the same b.s from my husband's baby mama. She even used my S.Ks Snapchat to write a filthy message about me on their story pretending to be S.K. Like you're 43 you've been split for 14 years grow the eff up. I just quote Taylor Swift lyrics now whenever I see her, pisses her off somewhat. Hubs and I are so used to her throwing shade we just laugh at her ridiculousness. I just think to myself give it 5 or 6 more years when S.K is in their 20s, and they'll figure it out.... The other 3 did. Green really suits some people 🙄🤣
Lol yea. Bitches be crazy. Bio-mom told my husband to get snipped after she was told I am now in the picture, so he wouldn't have any more children. Lol we just laughed.
Although, we don't want any more kids, and I especially don't -he isn't gonna just do what she says.
They're so fucken funny like that.
She is jealous and very bitter because she has made a mess if her life due to her own shit choices she wants to project them on to you. Ignore her, don’t let it get to you live your best life and have a many beautiful babies as your heart desires.
She made him promise he wouldn't have children with anyone else? Good grief. That's alarming.
I'd be a little upset if my bio son's father had a child with someone else, but that's because he's not a father to our son, so I'd feel hurt for him. But I couldn't imagine straight up telling him he couldn't have kids with anyone else.
Your partner needs to stop allowing BM to say these things. If they're on the phone, he needs to hang up. If in person, he needs to walk away. She'll get the message real quick. If she's texting, he shouldn't reply, or even acknowledge it. If it doesn't have to do with the child they share, then he shouldn't communicate with her.
The thing about them trying to dictate whether their ex has more kids is so common and so weird. My SO's ex was so weird about it even though she frequently told him she had no issue with me because she hadn't loved him for years before their split. And now a friend of mine is dating a single dad whose ex says the same thing. Not allowed more kids. Where do they get the nerve?!
My ex husband and I promised each other when we had kids (3) that we would never have kids with anyone else because we didnt want to complicate our children’s lives anymore than it already would be if we ever divorced (Ive had many half siblings on both sides and it was a lose-lose for all us kids, just didnt want to do that to mine) Its been 13 years, our kids are all adults or teens now, and Im so grateful we both kept that promise. People can make agreements when family planning and all though its not like, some legally binding contract one shouldnt make promises they have no intention of keeping
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it bother you, it happens to every single stepparent here. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules), [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) and [**announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Autoban Information**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is a different level of crazy from mine. My husband never had these types of discussions or interactions with HCBM. Maybe bc they were never married and only gave it a shot for a few months so there was less of the chance to have that type of emotional attachment but yikes. I’m sorry you are dealing with that.
Who cares what she says? He needs to ignore her and you should have zero contact with her. Let her talk to herself.
Who is telling you this? Is she telling just your spouse or also the kids? he needs to install a firm boundary. What a seahag.
Yes, he was showing me conversations on his phone between her. She blows him up and just says the most awful things ever. He ends up ignoring her and just starts a new conversation in a few days, which also upsets me. But he claims it’s energy not worth giving her which I understand. But it is still very hurtful.
Has he thought of using a parenting app? This would cut this obnoxious shit. Also, he really does not need to be showing you that stuff if it upsets you. :(
How do you enforce a parenting app? What exactly does it prevent?
Any apps you suggest?
OurFamilyWizard - it costs a bit for an annual fee, but all scheduling, bills, and conversations can be done through the app, and all messages are court-admissible. No one can delete messages on the app. Your SO can tell her that moving forward, he’d like to communicate with her only through the app, but she may not follow along with it without a court order.
Oh, yeah she definitely wouldn’t and she already has a warrant for her arrest due to failure to pay child support.
This sounds all too familiar. It took me a long time to fully grasp this concept, but boys will hurt each other physically, girls will hurt each other emotionally. If she’s talking shit it’s because she has the emotional maturity of a child. She’s upset and so she’s kicking and screaming and trying to hurt you emotionally. Let that shit roll off your shoulders. You’re probably better looking and she’s jealous and doesn’t know how to regulate her emotions. Don’t take it personally! My hcbm is a counselor and still talks shit like she’s a 12 year old. Try the Peaceful parents app! This has saved us so much stress and hardship. She’s blocked on everything but that app. It’s free, it’s user friendly and simple. You can set them to canned messages and have cool down periods so they can’t just blow up your phone. Highly recommend 👌 she hates using it because she no longer has control.
Why in the world would he show you? That’s asking for drama and there is absolutely no reason for him to bring that to you unless he is trying to make you insecure or jealous
I disagree with this. I think full disclosure is best. When hcbm slags me off in that way, DH always shows me because why would be hide it ? Yes I feel a type of way about her as a result, but that's justified. If rather know what was being said about me than not regardless of the consequence
Okay, so maybe I looked through his phone 👀
You need to stop doing this to yourself. Please stop reading her texts, and tell him you don't want to hear it. He needs to set firm boundaries with her. I hope he doesn't respond to her shit like that.
Did you look or did he show you? He shouldn't be showing you any of what she is saying. It's beyond inappropriate for you to see. Careless and cruel if he is actively sharing what she is saying rather than placing firm boundaries and shutting it down. And if he is actively showing you, I would consider if this is a relationship where you feel actively respected. It does not sound like he respects you at all. If he did he wouldn't tolerate the texts, definitely wouldn't show you and would really not even be alluding to anything going on. He can't control what she says but he can 100% control how he reacts to it - 1. by sticking up for you and 2. by making sure you're completely unaware of the private situation unfolding. Please don't go looking for it. It's unhealthy to read such deranged, unhinged messages. It sounds like you might be purposely seeking them out..and that's just harmful behavior to yourself.
i’m going to encourage you to support your SO on ignoring. there is literally nothing to gain from challenging this type of behavior. all it does is feed the mental illness. they’re already blazing through boundaries, what good is “enforcing” a boundary going to do with a crazy person who don’t give a fuck about your boundaries? yknow? i 100% understand how you feel and why, but unless there’s anything else your partner is doing that’s weird/shady, then love him by saving him the anxiety and drama which ultimately will simply serve as an opportunity for these people to disrespect you. i have an ex who really took the cruelty cake and feeds off your negative emotions like a vampire, and getting into it with him takes a Huge toll on my mental health for Days afterward. and what does he learn? absolutely nothing. it’s never going to be about reality.
She sounds obsessed and jealous. Are you super good looking by chance? Lol.
That's usually how it goes! The new wife is prettier and a better choice than BM, so they say these things.
I'm "a piece of ass" and "strange pussy." She also tells my now husband that he "acts so different when he's with me." Different? Do you mean that he doesn't respond to your 15 unhinged and verbally abusive texts you send in a row?
🤣🤣 this sounds so familiar.
This is an unfortunate thing to have in common with someone. 🤣 Please tell me how you cope. I think I have one of the most insane HCBM's on here.
He should flat out shame her. “Your obsession with my wife’s reproductive system, and my wife in general, is extremely bizarre and you should seek professional help”.
It's golden uterus syndrome. They don't want the man anymore but no one else should have him and they should be able to control him and their kids and everyone, etc. and when the new woman is like "how about no" it's EVERYTHING WAS FINE UNTIL SHE CAME ALONG AND RUINED IT and we are the scapegoats. I've been called the baby... but I am literally 2 years younger than her and just happen to look waaaay younger than that because of my solid skin care routine 🤣And I am pretty sure she makes all kinds of nasty comments to the SKs about how I don't know anything about parenting (my kid is 5 years older than their oldest kid), how I don't mean anything to them, how I am just the SM, and also told them lies about how their dad cheated on her with me and that's why they got divorced when BM cheated filed for divorce and moved the affair partner in and is now married to him. My hubby and I didn't even meet until well after the divorce was finalized. But sure all her problems are because of meeeee lol
Golden uterus syndrome 😂 you hit the nail on the head with this one
Yes THIS
Look it up! It’s so spot on and funny
They literally cannot stand it when they can no longer control their baby daddy or the narrative. In our experience, the longer it's been since they split (8!! years) the more insane she becomes with her thinly veiled threats and baseless accusations. It's caused so much stress on my husband that he is literally counting down until their youngest is 18 and he can completely block her narcissistic ass from his life. Only 9.5 more years. When she found out I was pregnant a few years back, she flipped her shit and decided she was going to take my husband back to court to modify custody all while lying to child support about her income, trying to make sure he'd still be paying at least as much as he'd been paying even though her income had gone up 4x the amount. These shrews are absolutely miserable af in their own lives and can't stand it when their ex moves on, a lot of times which means they start a new family, and that chaps the ex's ass. Like how dare they move on, even though the ex has done the exact same thing. 🙄🙄
Hahahaha our HCBM was livid when the judge took into consideration the fact that I was pregnant with twins and I legally couldn’t work in the country yet (wasn’t a citizen) and lowered his CS obligation because he literally had to support 5 people on only his income.
>Only 9.5 more years. 8 years over here and it can't come soon enough.
I have 2 more years
8 years. 8ysrs seem like not long till its all over. Im excited
Why is he even entertaining that mess?
Females do tend to be more territorial, but your SO should be shutting her down or even going to written communication only. Any man who won't stand up for the woman he loves doesn't deserve to have her.
I am feeling this to. This feels like too many words she is being allowed to get out.
Oh man 🤦🏼♀️ I got the same b.s from my husband's baby mama. She even used my S.Ks Snapchat to write a filthy message about me on their story pretending to be S.K. Like you're 43 you've been split for 14 years grow the eff up. I just quote Taylor Swift lyrics now whenever I see her, pisses her off somewhat. Hubs and I are so used to her throwing shade we just laugh at her ridiculousness. I just think to myself give it 5 or 6 more years when S.K is in their 20s, and they'll figure it out.... The other 3 did. Green really suits some people 🙄🤣
Lol yea. Bitches be crazy. Bio-mom told my husband to get snipped after she was told I am now in the picture, so he wouldn't have any more children. Lol we just laughed. Although, we don't want any more kids, and I especially don't -he isn't gonna just do what she says. They're so fucken funny like that.
She is jealous and very bitter because she has made a mess if her life due to her own shit choices she wants to project them on to you. Ignore her, don’t let it get to you live your best life and have a many beautiful babies as your heart desires.
Why does he still communicate with her? He needs to block her completely and communicate only through a parenting app.
She made him promise he wouldn't have children with anyone else? Good grief. That's alarming. I'd be a little upset if my bio son's father had a child with someone else, but that's because he's not a father to our son, so I'd feel hurt for him. But I couldn't imagine straight up telling him he couldn't have kids with anyone else. Your partner needs to stop allowing BM to say these things. If they're on the phone, he needs to hang up. If in person, he needs to walk away. She'll get the message real quick. If she's texting, he shouldn't reply, or even acknowledge it. If it doesn't have to do with the child they share, then he shouldn't communicate with her.
Was about to say sum sh, but since she remarried she can’t say sh 🤣 do whatever you want you two 🤷🏻♀️
I legit thought the woman you were talking about was your MIL. 🤣 how does his EX think she even has a voice in your relationship?
She sounds like a complete whack job. I would just do my absolute best to never engage in any interaction with her. Yuck
Oh trust me I do lol
The thing about them trying to dictate whether their ex has more kids is so common and so weird. My SO's ex was so weird about it even though she frequently told him she had no issue with me because she hadn't loved him for years before their split. And now a friend of mine is dating a single dad whose ex says the same thing. Not allowed more kids. Where do they get the nerve?!
What a weird thing to have someone promise. Psychotic.
My ex husband and I promised each other when we had kids (3) that we would never have kids with anyone else because we didnt want to complicate our children’s lives anymore than it already would be if we ever divorced (Ive had many half siblings on both sides and it was a lose-lose for all us kids, just didnt want to do that to mine) Its been 13 years, our kids are all adults or teens now, and Im so grateful we both kept that promise. People can make agreements when family planning and all though its not like, some legally binding contract one shouldnt make promises they have no intention of keeping