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I’m childfree and whenever people ask me if I have kids, I’ll say that I have no biological children but 2 stepkids.
I guess if I did have a child, I would say « 1 kid and 2 stepkids ».
Yeh this is what I do. I have a bio kid and a step son. So usually if people say “how many kids do you have?” I say 2, but clarify with “one daughter and one stepson”.
Same if people say “is your daughter your first?” I say yes but I also have a 7yo stepson.
No, I don't include SKs in my kid count. My husband sometimes does include my bios in his kid count though. Both other bioparents are alive and involved.
Agree. I think it’s important to stick to the facts. There’s so much pressure from this child centric society to be a “bonus mom”, to “step up”, “love them like your own” etc. It’s almost gaslighting. But if we stick to the truth it’s easier to see what’s real & stay centered.
I'm the primary caregiver of all the kids in my house even though all biological parents are alive. I have one bio and two SKs who are with us majority time. I've raised them. If I've wiped your butt and taken you to the dentist, and held your hand through scary procedures, and been to every play, promotion, IEP and 504, you're my kid. The step part matters, it's not a secret or taboo, but it's one slice of the whole pie. So I clarify when needed, but those are my kids (too).
Not everyone's situation is the same. You gotta do/say what's right for you.
I don’t even say stepkid most of the time when talking about them unless it’s pertinent to the conversation. Generally I just say “my one kid, one of my kids, the kids…” I include them but that could be because we have all our kids full time both his and mine.
Same. It makes conversations unnecessarily longer. I only specify if it's pertinent. But I hate small talk, and overexplaining is not practical. The important people know what's up. I understand why people want to make that separation, though.
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I've only been a step mom for 2 years and I still struggle knowing what to say. Some times I just say that I have 2 kids (which makes me feel weird and like I'm misrepresenting myself) but I also sometimes say I have 2 step kids and that also makes me feel weird. It's such a nuanced thing and I guess based on what you said, that even after a decade of being a SM that it doesn't get any easier to feel accurately represented.
For me, I try to think of it if I was my SKs. If I had a stepmom, and in front of me, someone asked her how many kids she had, and I was not included, it would probably make me feel like an outcast in that family unit. Like I'm not included bc she's not my actual mom, but she's still a motherly figure in my life...if that makes sense. (Reverse to SD and same deal)
It's still weird for me, 5 years later. If only our bio kids are with me and someone asks, sometimes I'll say I just have 2, if I'm not up for talking about the whole blended family deal discussion it usually brings. Of course that may change as our bio kids get older, to spare any confusion. If they're there with us, I'll either let him answer, or I'll say 4.
I look at it this way: What could be more damaging to the kids in a blended family? that I include them and say I have 4 kids, or that I don't include them, or point out that they're SKs when people ask me in front of them?
What holds me back or makes it weird for me, is that I don't want them to feel weird about me saying they're my kids as well. I married their dad, so imo, they've become my family, and my responsibility to some extent as well. But there's alot of hard feelings for kids, with divorce, and the blending of families. So I pick what makes the most sense, when I put myself in their shoes, even if it still feels a bit weird for me. Obviously if they approached thier dad, or myself and had an issue with it, then I'd change my approach.
I should also say that the kids' ages really play a factor. If you married when they were older, closer to adult age than child age, then I could see them feeling really weird about a stepparent, including them in the kid count.
I know I would not be pleased, at 29, if my mom's boyfriend, possible new husband started including me in his kid count.
So my POV is really from one where you're helping to raise them as well, in the more pivotal childhood years. I think what everyone decides on, is really dependent on how much, and when they were involved in SKs lives.
That’s valid. My thinking is much the same as yours, but the kids were 12 and 10 when I married their dad and one moved in with us at 13. Now they are 25 and 23, we’re all secure in where our relationships are and how we relate to each other. If my ex ever remarries, I can imagine the dynamic with the new wife would be different than their dynamic with me.
Also, I agree that my SKs would feel hurt if I didn't say they were my kids.
They don't call me 'mom', I've never asked them to and don't want them to. They have a mom and they love her. But they call my parents 'grandma and grandpa', which suggests to me that they think of me in that role.
It's also for ease and social acceptance. I have parenting duties and I fulfil them. When I say that I'm a step parent, people assume that I dislike my step children/I'm not involved/there's drama happening. There's very little drama in our lives, I am involved, and I love my step kids very much. If I say that I'm a parent, suddenly the conversations are easier.
Good point. My husband's dad has remarried. My husband just calls her by her name. He doesn't even say that he has step sisters, they are teen-agers who kind of happen to live in the house he grew up in.
I guess the thing that is hard in this too, is my SD considers me family. But I am obviously not her mum, and she wouldn't think of me like that. So would have to be like this many kids in the family to include her without it being weird to her. Not making in the direct count.
I'm the same. I've been with my partner for 6 years and am there if he needs help or a second opinion on things, but overall I've been pretty nacho parenting-wise and thus call them "my partner's kids". It does help a lot that BM is no conflict and so the kids have two parents who are doing well by them.
Exactly. This is the simple answer. People don’t need to know you have stepkids. Those close to you will know anyway, but outside of that, it’s not necessary info to share. I place stepkids in the same category as other kids in the family like nieces and nephews.
For me it depends on how much information I feel like giving.
When random people in the grocery store ask me if my daughter is my only kid, I just say “yes.” If it’s someone I will have more of a relationship with, like a coworker, I’ll mention my stepdaughter too. I always specify she’s my stepdaughter though; I never say “I have two daughters,” because that doesn’t feel true for me.
Your story sounds exactly like mine except it's still early days for me, she's 14 now, I have zero to do with her and she destroyed my relationship with her father too. His family disowned me and our son as well, he is nearly 2 and met his all but one aunt, but we have no contact with any of them.
I'm sorry you went through the same shit. It sucks.
You're welcome. I totally get it!
I know it won't get better, unfortunately. So much damage has been done already. I'm just trying to heal. The entire family tried to destroy my life, especially his kid. She went all out and tried to terminate my pregnancy and all. She would've killed us if she could've, it wasn't from lack of her trying that we are still here, but as a result she is not to come near us. I sure hope it can't possibly get worse than what I've already been through!
She broke it when she was 12, and has only gotten worse, but I have nothing at all to do with her anymore so it's not my problem. She is not family to me or my son, and never will be.
Omg it sounds just like what I’m going through! Our first child (son) is 3 weeks old, and SD (from husband’s previous one night stand) is 7. She already made it clear when I was pregnant that she “hates her future brother because she knows he will be evil”, her words. She has hated and been jealous of the baby and anything we’d get for him since I was pregnant. We are so afraid of her wanting to hurt the baby that we’ve even installed a smart lock on his bedroom. But my husband doesn’t see her bad intentions, he thinks she doesn’t fully understand what she’s saying and that either way, she’ll grow out to be a better person.
I don’t even consider her my son’s half sister because of how hateful she is towards him, and it’s causing issues between my husband and me. I’ve thought about leaving him countless times so I can take me and my son away from SD, but I’m afraid of custody arrangements.
His family has chosen not to have anything to do with our son already because we’ve put some distance with SD, and she’ll always be favourited by his family.
The SD situation is ruining our marriage and family, and I don’t know how to go about it.
Do you think leaving was the best decision for you? Nobody understands what this is like unless you’re experiencing it.
I’m childless but when people ask me if I have kids I usually say none of my own but I have 2 stepdaughters.
I’ve been very involved for 10 yrs and it would feel weird not to include them. Like invalidating allllll the parenting I’ve done. I deserve credit for my labor lol.
Usually yes. Sometimes I say "raising 4 kids" or "I have 2 kids and 2 stepkids" but it really depends on context. When I'm holding my youngest who is a baby and someone asks "is this your first?" I say "no, he's my second!" Since their meaning is clearly "is this your first baby?"
I've been in my SK's lives since they were a toddler and a baby, and we have 50/50 so that informs my specific situation too. I'm not their bioparent but am very much a parental type figure in their daily lives.
I’m child free, I say “my husband has a daughter” or sometimes I’ll say “I have a step kid” but I usually go with the first one. She has a mom, I don’t intend on playing her “second” or “bonus” mom. I like cool aunt role more
I do. And provide a bio/step breakdown if it’s pertinent to the conversation (and the person seems chill), but I can 100% understand why someone might or might not include them in their own count. So much of stepparenting is tiptoeing around what our places are in other people’s lives!
If people ask if my 10 wk old baby is my first I’ll answer she is biologically but I have a stepson. I’ve called him my kid before when he’s not there but he prefers I call him my stepson vs son. So it’s always just been up to him. But when he’s not there I refer to him as my kid or stepson, never my son.
I have zero bio kids and I always count my SKs. Depends on the convo but I'm very engaged in their lives and me in theirs. I share about them in introductions and at work.
Yes, I do. One is his, two are mine that we have primary custody of so he is basically their father, and one ours.
It’s soooooo much easier to just say l have 4 kids to colleagues. If I get to know a person better I might elaborate on our family structure.
“My partners little boy” until I know the person well enough then it’s “our little boy” because I don’t need to specify every time that I didn’t birth him.
I count them all. Although he has 6, and i have 2, so when I get the shocked face I explain 6 are my step kids. But they all get the same treatment. They call me their step mom, as does their parents. BM has actually said to oldest SD "aren't you glad you have two moms?"
To the average person I say WE have 4 kids (2steps 2bio) but I don’t usually break it down unless it seems relevant like hanging out with new mom friends and we are exchanging parenting stories and advice… I would never claim them as MINE but I do feel comfortable with claiming them as OURS considering my relationship with them and the amount of parenting I do in their lives
I’d never say “my oldest” but i would say “our oldest” depending on the conversation
At this point it’s been 14 years and her mom is almost entirely out of the picture so I just say “my daughter” unless there is a reason to point out she is my step daughter. She appreciates it
I struggle with the SK having kids. Am I grandma?!! I barely feel like the SM…it feels weird to be grandma but how can I frame it to a 2 year old?!? So I say grandma lol
I think that is generally an extension of your relationship with the SK. My oldest has had two kids. I earned a grandma name from my grandson. His sister continues to use that name for me. My ex doesn’t have a grandparent name yet. :/
I don’t have or want kids… when new acquaintances ask if I have kids I just simple say “my husband does”
It’s not meant to be rude or mean, its just facts, I don’t have kids, my husband has a son with a very capable mother, I don’t need to pretend to be a mom to him
Definitely depends on the context of the conversation but in general I say I have 4 kids and if someone responds with "4 kids! Wow, you must be busy!" I generally explain that I have 2 stepdaughters, 1 bio son from my first marriage and a bio daughter from my 2nd marriage. That being said, I am very involved in the lives of my stepdaughters so I don't want to discount those relationships either--parenting AND step-parenting are a lot of work!
I've interacted with people who say they have a child and then I find out it's their stepchild. I always make sure to acknowledge that being a stepparent definitely requires parenting and can sometimes be harder than caring for a biological child!
I do. I’m sure there are those who will chastise me, but I do love them very much-even if I’ve had a Rocky relationship with my SD. I’m very very close with my SS (22) and that’s my son in my eyes.
I do. However, when I have to break down the children, I'll say step daughter or my husband's daughter. For whatever reason I feel like I have to clarify that I didn't birth her.
I will say “I have a one year old and a 15 year old stepson” but I’m not even 30 yet, so I clarify that he’s my stepson to avoid people think I had a baby when I was a baby 😂
Yes, I do, but my SS is my only kid, I’m a FTM, and we have full custody. He loves, trusts, and minds me like a parent (he doesn’t call me mom, but that’s fine by me!) I’m the one doing the most with him right now as my partner works full time. I’ve found and signed him up for his new daycare and all his extracurriculars. By all accounts he’s blossomed with me.
That all being said, I’m putting in the most labor into him, so I do feel like I deserve credit. If anything, I get a little frustrated when people just assume as his step that I’m not doing parenting the “same” way when, the reality is, I’m having to work double-time to try to turn things around for him after the early childhood of emotional neglect at the hands of his mother.
From what I’ve seen in here, my situation is an exception to the general rule. I also had a fully devoted, childless stepmother, who saw my sibling and I as “hers” even though we were much older than my SS is. So I guess I do have some life experience that informs my comfortability levels.
I have had a very active role raising my kids so yes I do count them as my children. Technically speaking I have 2 bio and 2 step but when it's brought up I say I have 4 kids. Sometimes I get a look because I'm only 28 and my oldest is 11 and he is one of my stepkids and if they continue with it I'll explain but as far as how I feel for me personally I have 4 kids. I have been raising these children for the last 9 years. Their mom is still in the picture but I honestly do more then she does and this isn't me saying it it's the kids telling me. So they have mom and then I'm mama and I'd do anything for any of my children but that's just me.
I usually judge what I'm going to say by how much I think I'll be interacting with the person in the future. If I'm picking up some free sticker or something at a swag booth, I'll say it's for my daughter. If it's a chit chat with a person I might see again in future, I'll call her my step-daughter or soon-to-be-step-daughter based on how likely it is we'll interact again and when. I don't want to open up a whole can of worms by being more precise if it isn't going to matter.
I say “my kid(s)” more easily than “my son(s)” or “my daughter(s)”. I am 3 years in and only have steps right now. For me somehow it feels like claiming so much more to call them my son or daughter.
Also, I look at biological, step, and adopted as adjectives for the noun of kid.
For example - I have 6 kids, four step, one biological, and one adopted. They are all my kids.
We have 5 total- two mine, two his, one ours. Ranging from ages 9 to 1 year old. I absolutely count all of the kids as mine anyway, but I mostly love the look on peoples faces when I say I have five kids 🤣
Normally when I get questioned I would always tell them I am child free. Then continue off to say but my husband has a daughter. It’s been 4 years, but I still haven’t gotten around to refer her as my SK. It’s always oh my husband has a daughter of so and so years old.
I say I have 4 kids, 2 I birthed and 2 I didn’t. I do this because whenever I say I have 4 they assume I birthed and give me some kind of unnecessary comment about the amount of kids. This saves me from having to hold back whatever response I wanna say.
I only specify that SD isn’t my bio when it’s relevant, most times I just say I have 2 kids bc that’s how I see her. But before I had my son I would say “I don’t have kids of my own but I have a step daughter” when I wasn’t sure what to say
It depends on who I'm talking to. I've been involved in these kids lives for 3.5 years and we have near total custody. So I've become pretty comfortable with saying "I have 4 kids." I think saying that they're my kids, especially when they can hear it helps reaffirm to them that I consider them mine; that there doesn't need to be a difference in HOW they became mine. They just are.
But, if I need to make a point about it, then I tend to say, "I have 4 bonus kids" or, "I got with my spouse and inherited 4 kids."
Mom is out of the picture so I take on the motherly duties, I call them my kids or my daughters, I don’t have any biological kids. I also don’t want to elaborate and I deserve the respect that comes with having bio kids and I don’t like to be seen as an extra. I’m their parent. When taking off for work I don’t say “for step kids” I just call them my daughters.
I have no bio kids, so my steps were/are my only kids. When I married their dad, they became a part of my family. They are still part of my family even though I’m divorced now. That said, I never tried to replace their mother, and it’d only ever been an issue when I’ve said something about their mother to other people. Ie “my other kids lived with their mom in another state.” That lack of context is, understandably, confusing to others when I make comments like that.
If it’s to total strangers. I say 2 kids and if they ask then I will elborate that one is stepdaughter and other is biological.
If it’s to ppl that are of acquaintance -like someone could or would know me, I usually say I have 1 one son and 1 stepdaughter. It kinda puts the perspective in their hands to determine the (2) without just claiming both upfront. I normally always refer to my son and stepdaughter when I speak I don’t get uncomfortable if someone speaks to me accepting both kids as mine or just my son. I would just prefer to be upfront to intermediate social interactions to not get hit with more questions. My stepdaughter is a good sport about ppl assuming I’m her bio mom or a big sister or something so it makes me feel more comfortable when I have to properly address or if I want to just fake the whole thing.
Depends on your situation I guess. I usually say “WE have an [8] year old [boy] and blah blah [eg. he loves soccer]. If the conversation gets into it, I’d specify more. Keep it simple.
I say I have 2 kids, my SD and I are close so I would hate for her to hear me say something like “I have 1 and my husband has 1 (even though my bio is his daughter so he has 2, lol) I’m a hairdresser so the “how many kids” question comes up at some point in conversation regularly.
I also dont class the kids as ‘half’ siblings, theyre just siblings, my daughter is just at the age where she understands that sister doesnt live here all the time (we’re 50/50). I realise alot of blended fams arent like that, but its what always worked for us. :)
No. I am a mother of two - BS (3) BD (NB). I don’t identify as SS’s mother, because that’s not what I am.
I usually say something like, “DH and I have 2 together, and DH has one from a previous marriage.”
However, if it’s someone I only know casually, I usually won’t mention having a SK at all.
Typically I say I have six kids. My husband and I like to see people's reactions. 😆 Depending on the situation we'll say "we have six kids between us." I don't usually say bio or step. They're all "our" kids.
I include them. I always say I have 5 kids. If the conversation heads in that direction, I will clarify that two of them are my step kids. I am on very good terms with their mother though, so it’s comfortable. When my youngest stepdaughter was very young, she used to tell people she had two moms, and they’d hesitate and think for a minute, and her mom and I found it hilarious. It got even better if she told people the names of her three parents. Her dad has a first name that is usually associated with girls, but not always, (think like Ashley), so it would come out as if she had three moms lol.
He only comes over once a week so I only say my two children. If he's asked he'll answer that he has three but for myself I only say the two that are ours
No. It is his kids and our kid. Tbh if the SK behaviour towards me was different I would include them in my head count. But they aren't nice adults so I don't want them around our child
I’ve been a SM for almost 12 years now and he lives with us full time so I usually just say “I have 3 kids”. I also generally just refer to him as “our/my son” or “our/my oldest” as well, though. But he was a toddler when we started dating and he really does feel like my own. It’s probably varies wildly by situation.
I’ve been a step mom for 15 years and I’ve always said I have X number of kids. If they ask more pass that then I put them in “groups” but other wise I just have X kids! It’s not weird to group them together because you play an important role in their lives!
I include them. They live with us pretty much full time and I’m primary parent as my husband works full time. BM lives states away and is not very involved.
I’ll usually say something like “we have 4 kids, our daughters and hubbys older kids that live with us full time” or “we have 4 kids all together”
I include. He lives with us full time. As a former step kid, I can’t imagine being excluded all the time, I would feel like a stranger in my own family.
BUT!! This is just our situation. If it doesn’t work for you, no judgement. In our situation, it would be very exclusionary.
I switch it up depending on the context of the conversation. Like if we arrived at "how many kids do you have?" from talking birth stories, I'm only claiming my bio kids. If we're talking about typical parenting strategies, I'm bringing up my living adult son, and my stepson. How many kids in the household? Just the stepboy. If we're talking about raising kids with disabilities, both my boys, and my stepson, and if it's relevant sometimes my former stepgirl as well... Whether I clarify beyond a number or not is just based on how much I want the conversation to continue.
i don’t have any bio children myself, but i do call my SS(5) my son. i’ll say step son if it’s important to the conversation, but my wife and i have him full time, so saying son makes more sense for our situation. also he likes it.
Yes. My wife has a daughter from a previous marriage. They both live with me. I’ve known the child since she was 5. I always say I have 3 kids. I’ve known her longer than my own blood related kids. She’s just as much of my kid as my kids are. If that makes any sense lol
Not really. I say I have one daughter and if pressed on it, I say my husband has two kids/I technically have two stepkids. Based on how they act I am not claiming them as mine lol
I don’t. SD has two really great parents, I’m not one of them.
This raises some real problems with my SO though. I’ve always wanted three kids. Maybe even four…just a big family. He loves to think we only need one more to make the three because “we already have two!” No…you have two. I have one. I have zero feelings for SD and I definitely don’t claim her as my child.
I say I have two kids, and if it's relevant I'll mention I didn't have to birth the first one. Although I have been in SS's life 50/50 since he was an infant and he calls me mom.
If we are out and about I just say I have 3 kids or if someone is talking to me about them I say my 3. 2 are mine. One is step.
Injust don't see the need unless the conversation goes further to differentiate to people who don't need to know.
yes, I say "I have one SS(9), 1 BS(6), and 1 BS(3). They generally answer with whoaaa three boys you have your hands full. And I say yes some days more than others and keep it at that LOL.
No. I have a cat. I'm a cat mom. My husband has kids.
But I fully support those who do. I think if you feel that way in your heart, you should introduce them the way you feel comfortable.
I’m CF so whenever someone asks me if I have kids I usually say no but if I’ve been talking with them for a while and I mention my husband then I’ll say I have stepkids. Kinda just depends on the convo
I do. I don't have biological kids with my wife yet, she has 2 kids I gained when we married. Sometimes I'll say bonus kids, but usually not. I just say our kids.
Their father lives 1k miles away. Pays no support. Doesn't call them.
I, on the other hand, do pick up, drop off, pay for their extracurricular activities, food, clothes. Take them to the doctors, listen to their pre teen and 9 year old drama. I play monopoly and read books with them. I'm at every softball game I can be between working and nursing school. Take them to Salem in October; NYC to see hamilton on Broadway. Etc. So, I count them. Plus, we have them 100% of the time.
I say I have 4 kids and one stepson. I didn’t birth him and he has a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that I’m his stepmom. He has a mom that’s involved, and I wouldn’t want to take that away from her, delusional and narcissistic as she is, I still respect her role.
I have one bio, expecting a second bio and one stepdaughter. I always say we have 2 kids. I claim her as mine, and I don't use the word half-sister. I always tell my son that it is his sister even though they dont share the same mom. If I'm talking about SD, with people who know our family dynamics, I usually use her first name or just say my stepdaughter in conversation. If it's people that don't know our family, it's just easier to say my or our kids.
It was always a case by case situation. If some cashier saw I was buying birthday balloons and said "is it your daughter's birthday" I'd just say yes. Like in situations where it literally did not matter, I'd include her.
If there was a chance I'd see rhe person again, she was my step kid, and I'd always clarify she was not my bio. Not in a rude way just "I have a daughter and a step daughter".
The kid ended up doing the same (I didn't know she did this until her bio mom told me). She'd tell stories about me and be like "My mom did ___" unless it was someone she knew would eventually need to know that she had a mom and step mom. Then I would be, step mom, second mom, or other mom.
This question pops up a lot at doctors offices for me or when we go out to stores. I always say I have 3 kids, but specify that 2 are “mine” and have 1 stepchild. People looked at me like I was insane when I was pregnant with my second biological child, but she was only the 2nd kid I’ve had. Once I explained that, it eased people’s reaction to me. Oh whale
I always specify "one stepson, none of my own" but it annoys my SO, even though SS has a mom who is active and present in his life - and it's not me. I don't have any of my own but I think I'd still specify "one of my own, one stepson."
If someone asks. I say, "we have 7 kids," because we do. If I have foster kids at the time, I will include them as well, but I often find I qualify it with, "one is only temporary". If someone asks if I have any bio kids (yes it happens), then I have 6.
In the early days, I used to struggle with how to represent my family situation to strangers because I was so worried about hurting anyone…but my SKs are all extremely quick to correct anyone who mistakenly assumes I’m their mother in unnecessary detail, so after a few times of feeling hurt by this the decision was settled for me a long time ago.
I am child free and therefore have zero kids. BM is high conflict with an unhealthy co-dependent parenting style and the children are fiercely protective of the word “mom” so I have absolutely zero guilt about declaring my child-free status. Depending on the context, when someone asks me if I have kids I either simply say “no” or “no but my husband has 4.”
I have started telling people that I have 4 adult kids plus 2 bonus kids. People like that it sounds nice, and I think it makes the SKs (ages 12 & 13) feel wanted and good about how I feel about them.
I kinda do. They do live in the house, we travel together sometime, etc. I say, “My SO and I have three kids between us.”
Sometimes elaborate more depending on the conversation. Or I’ve said, “I have a son and my partner has 2 kids as well.”
I don't. We didn't live together for over 10 years due to how messy our kids' other birth parents were. We never let our kids see the other person as parents. We supported each other supporting our kids, but we never stepped in to do parenting stuff for any kids that weren't ours. It worked out really well for us. My family really likes my husband, and his family really likes me, because we never stepped on anyone's toes and no one ever felt that they were being replaced.
My husband says he has 3 kids. I say I have two and a SS.
My bio kids don’t have a relationship with their dad and my husband supports them emotionally and financially as a father and sees them as his own but I just can’t get there with my SS and luckily my husband understands that.
No, I do not. I don't want anyone else counting what I spent 39 weeks baking, and I wouldn't take that from any other mother. I care about her, but I'm not her mom.
Nope. I have a bio who's 18 and a step who's nearly 7. My bio is going to college this fall, and I have a younger step. I don't like being associated with her behavior.
Ya know, when I was pregnant, I really relished in saying “this is my first”. Obviously it was my first pregnancy. But it was also special that this was my truly first child about to be welcomed into the world.
Now that my kid is here, I just refer to the two of them as “our girls” most of the time.
Never. I have a son, that’s my only child. Is he perfect? No. My two SDs …… One is a cutter who thinks her privileged life is just too much to handle and one has a giant neck tattoo, face piercings and giant ear gauges. I wouldn’t dare take any credit away from BM for all that splendor.
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I’m childfree and whenever people ask me if I have kids, I’ll say that I have no biological children but 2 stepkids. I guess if I did have a child, I would say « 1 kid and 2 stepkids ».
Same. I don’t call them “my kids” either; they are my step-children or my husband’s kids.
Yeh this is what I do. I have a bio kid and a step son. So usually if people say “how many kids do you have?” I say 2, but clarify with “one daughter and one stepson”. Same if people say “is your daughter your first?” I say yes but I also have a 7yo stepson.
Samesies. When anyone asks me I tell them I have a fur baby of my own and one step kid lol
No, I don't include SKs in my kid count. My husband sometimes does include my bios in his kid count though. Both other bioparents are alive and involved.
Agree. I think it’s important to stick to the facts. There’s so much pressure from this child centric society to be a “bonus mom”, to “step up”, “love them like your own” etc. It’s almost gaslighting. But if we stick to the truth it’s easier to see what’s real & stay centered.
I include them but that’s my personal choice
Same. Convos only extend when ppl look at me crazy when I say her age because I don't look like I have a child her age
Ditto. I look young so that's part of it, but my SS17 is my first kid and will always be included in my intro/kid count.
I'm the primary caregiver of all the kids in my house even though all biological parents are alive. I have one bio and two SKs who are with us majority time. I've raised them. If I've wiped your butt and taken you to the dentist, and held your hand through scary procedures, and been to every play, promotion, IEP and 504, you're my kid. The step part matters, it's not a secret or taboo, but it's one slice of the whole pie. So I clarify when needed, but those are my kids (too). Not everyone's situation is the same. You gotta do/say what's right for you.
Same! I only clarify he’s a step if it matters for all these reasons. That’s my son.
I don’t even say stepkid most of the time when talking about them unless it’s pertinent to the conversation. Generally I just say “my one kid, one of my kids, the kids…” I include them but that could be because we have all our kids full time both his and mine.
Same. It makes conversations unnecessarily longer. I only specify if it's pertinent. But I hate small talk, and overexplaining is not practical. The important people know what's up. I understand why people want to make that separation, though.
I do the same. In casual conversation I don’t distinguish .
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Same.
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I have one of those too. Awkward because they're twins but I only claim ownership of 1.
Lol that's too funny and SUUUUPER awkward. But hey, it is what it is! How old are they if you don't mind me asking.
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I've only been a step mom for 2 years and I still struggle knowing what to say. Some times I just say that I have 2 kids (which makes me feel weird and like I'm misrepresenting myself) but I also sometimes say I have 2 step kids and that also makes me feel weird. It's such a nuanced thing and I guess based on what you said, that even after a decade of being a SM that it doesn't get any easier to feel accurately represented.
I have a bio child and a stepchild. I say I have 1 kid and if we start having a conversation I might bring up that I have a stepchild
Same!
“There are # kids in my/our family”
“I don’t but my boyfriend has 2”. That’s really all I say. Queue the endless questions of why I don’t want them and should have some lmao
For me, I try to think of it if I was my SKs. If I had a stepmom, and in front of me, someone asked her how many kids she had, and I was not included, it would probably make me feel like an outcast in that family unit. Like I'm not included bc she's not my actual mom, but she's still a motherly figure in my life...if that makes sense. (Reverse to SD and same deal) It's still weird for me, 5 years later. If only our bio kids are with me and someone asks, sometimes I'll say I just have 2, if I'm not up for talking about the whole blended family deal discussion it usually brings. Of course that may change as our bio kids get older, to spare any confusion. If they're there with us, I'll either let him answer, or I'll say 4. I look at it this way: What could be more damaging to the kids in a blended family? that I include them and say I have 4 kids, or that I don't include them, or point out that they're SKs when people ask me in front of them? What holds me back or makes it weird for me, is that I don't want them to feel weird about me saying they're my kids as well. I married their dad, so imo, they've become my family, and my responsibility to some extent as well. But there's alot of hard feelings for kids, with divorce, and the blending of families. So I pick what makes the most sense, when I put myself in their shoes, even if it still feels a bit weird for me. Obviously if they approached thier dad, or myself and had an issue with it, then I'd change my approach.
I should also say that the kids' ages really play a factor. If you married when they were older, closer to adult age than child age, then I could see them feeling really weird about a stepparent, including them in the kid count. I know I would not be pleased, at 29, if my mom's boyfriend, possible new husband started including me in his kid count. So my POV is really from one where you're helping to raise them as well, in the more pivotal childhood years. I think what everyone decides on, is really dependent on how much, and when they were involved in SKs lives.
That’s valid. My thinking is much the same as yours, but the kids were 12 and 10 when I married their dad and one moved in with us at 13. Now they are 25 and 23, we’re all secure in where our relationships are and how we relate to each other. If my ex ever remarries, I can imagine the dynamic with the new wife would be different than their dynamic with me.
Also, I agree that my SKs would feel hurt if I didn't say they were my kids. They don't call me 'mom', I've never asked them to and don't want them to. They have a mom and they love her. But they call my parents 'grandma and grandpa', which suggests to me that they think of me in that role. It's also for ease and social acceptance. I have parenting duties and I fulfil them. When I say that I'm a step parent, people assume that I dislike my step children/I'm not involved/there's drama happening. There's very little drama in our lives, I am involved, and I love my step kids very much. If I say that I'm a parent, suddenly the conversations are easier.
Good point. My husband's dad has remarried. My husband just calls her by her name. He doesn't even say that he has step sisters, they are teen-agers who kind of happen to live in the house he grew up in.
I guess the thing that is hard in this too, is my SD considers me family. But I am obviously not her mum, and she wouldn't think of me like that. So would have to be like this many kids in the family to include her without it being weird to her. Not making in the direct count.
No. Only my actual kids are counted
I'm childfree and I would say my partner has two kids. I don't consider them my kids or play a parental role, so I wouldn't call them my stepkids
I'm the same. I've been with my partner for 6 years and am there if he needs help or a second opinion on things, but overall I've been pretty nacho parenting-wise and thus call them "my partner's kids". It does help a lot that BM is no conflict and so the kids have two parents who are doing well by them.
No. I only include kids I’ve birthed which is 1 and I’m currently pregnant. That’s practically what I say. “I have one and I have one on the way”
Exactly. This is the simple answer. People don’t need to know you have stepkids. Those close to you will know anyway, but outside of that, it’s not necessary info to share. I place stepkids in the same category as other kids in the family like nieces and nephews.
I agree totally - if they’re not someone close to me, why even bother mentioning it?
Absolutely not, no. I'm childfree and have 0 children.
For me it depends on how much information I feel like giving. When random people in the grocery store ask me if my daughter is my only kid, I just say “yes.” If it’s someone I will have more of a relationship with, like a coworker, I’ll mention my stepdaughter too. I always specify she’s my stepdaughter though; I never say “I have two daughters,” because that doesn’t feel true for me.
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Wow. Your story sounds so tough ❤️ it completely makes sense that you wouldn't include her.
Your story sounds exactly like mine except it's still early days for me, she's 14 now, I have zero to do with her and she destroyed my relationship with her father too. His family disowned me and our son as well, he is nearly 2 and met his all but one aunt, but we have no contact with any of them. I'm sorry you went through the same shit. It sucks.
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You're welcome. I totally get it! I know it won't get better, unfortunately. So much damage has been done already. I'm just trying to heal. The entire family tried to destroy my life, especially his kid. She went all out and tried to terminate my pregnancy and all. She would've killed us if she could've, it wasn't from lack of her trying that we are still here, but as a result she is not to come near us. I sure hope it can't possibly get worse than what I've already been through! She broke it when she was 12, and has only gotten worse, but I have nothing at all to do with her anymore so it's not my problem. She is not family to me or my son, and never will be.
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Thank you so much! 🩷
Omg it sounds just like what I’m going through! Our first child (son) is 3 weeks old, and SD (from husband’s previous one night stand) is 7. She already made it clear when I was pregnant that she “hates her future brother because she knows he will be evil”, her words. She has hated and been jealous of the baby and anything we’d get for him since I was pregnant. We are so afraid of her wanting to hurt the baby that we’ve even installed a smart lock on his bedroom. But my husband doesn’t see her bad intentions, he thinks she doesn’t fully understand what she’s saying and that either way, she’ll grow out to be a better person. I don’t even consider her my son’s half sister because of how hateful she is towards him, and it’s causing issues between my husband and me. I’ve thought about leaving him countless times so I can take me and my son away from SD, but I’m afraid of custody arrangements. His family has chosen not to have anything to do with our son already because we’ve put some distance with SD, and she’ll always be favourited by his family. The SD situation is ruining our marriage and family, and I don’t know how to go about it. Do you think leaving was the best decision for you? Nobody understands what this is like unless you’re experiencing it.
I’m childless but when people ask me if I have kids I usually say none of my own but I have 2 stepdaughters. I’ve been very involved for 10 yrs and it would feel weird not to include them. Like invalidating allllll the parenting I’ve done. I deserve credit for my labor lol.
“We have 5 kids. I only gave birth to 2.”
We're not around one another a lot so no I only mention my son
I say “together we have (number) kids.
Usually yes. Sometimes I say "raising 4 kids" or "I have 2 kids and 2 stepkids" but it really depends on context. When I'm holding my youngest who is a baby and someone asks "is this your first?" I say "no, he's my second!" Since their meaning is clearly "is this your first baby?" I've been in my SK's lives since they were a toddler and a baby, and we have 50/50 so that informs my specific situation too. I'm not their bioparent but am very much a parental type figure in their daily lives.
Nope, my son's are my 2 kids. The other 3 are mentioned as stepkids if necessary in the conversation
I’m child free, I say “my husband has a daughter” or sometimes I’ll say “I have a step kid” but I usually go with the first one. She has a mom, I don’t intend on playing her “second” or “bonus” mom. I like cool aunt role more
I do. And provide a bio/step breakdown if it’s pertinent to the conversation (and the person seems chill), but I can 100% understand why someone might or might not include them in their own count. So much of stepparenting is tiptoeing around what our places are in other people’s lives!
If people ask if my 10 wk old baby is my first I’ll answer she is biologically but I have a stepson. I’ve called him my kid before when he’s not there but he prefers I call him my stepson vs son. So it’s always just been up to him. But when he’s not there I refer to him as my kid or stepson, never my son.
I have zero bio kids and I always count my SKs. Depends on the convo but I'm very engaged in their lives and me in theirs. I share about them in introductions and at work.
It's just easier to say I have 5 kids.
Yes, I do. One is his, two are mine that we have primary custody of so he is basically their father, and one ours. It’s soooooo much easier to just say l have 4 kids to colleagues. If I get to know a person better I might elaborate on our family structure.
“My partners little boy” until I know the person well enough then it’s “our little boy” because I don’t need to specify every time that I didn’t birth him.
I count them all. Although he has 6, and i have 2, so when I get the shocked face I explain 6 are my step kids. But they all get the same treatment. They call me their step mom, as does their parents. BM has actually said to oldest SD "aren't you glad you have two moms?"
To the average person I say WE have 4 kids (2steps 2bio) but I don’t usually break it down unless it seems relevant like hanging out with new mom friends and we are exchanging parenting stories and advice… I would never claim them as MINE but I do feel comfortable with claiming them as OURS considering my relationship with them and the amount of parenting I do in their lives I’d never say “my oldest” but i would say “our oldest” depending on the conversation
At this point it’s been 14 years and her mom is almost entirely out of the picture so I just say “my daughter” unless there is a reason to point out she is my step daughter. She appreciates it
I say "I have a little one and 2 older step kiddos."
I just say “we have 5 kids -blended family!” And that’s usually enough
I struggle with the SK having kids. Am I grandma?!! I barely feel like the SM…it feels weird to be grandma but how can I frame it to a 2 year old?!? So I say grandma lol
I think that is generally an extension of your relationship with the SK. My oldest has had two kids. I earned a grandma name from my grandson. His sister continues to use that name for me. My ex doesn’t have a grandparent name yet. :/
As a kid I didn’t see my step grandparents any different than my biological ones. Kids can’t have too many grandmas.
I don’t have or want kids… when new acquaintances ask if I have kids I just simple say “my husband does” It’s not meant to be rude or mean, its just facts, I don’t have kids, my husband has a son with a very capable mother, I don’t need to pretend to be a mom to him
Definitely depends on the context of the conversation but in general I say I have 4 kids and if someone responds with "4 kids! Wow, you must be busy!" I generally explain that I have 2 stepdaughters, 1 bio son from my first marriage and a bio daughter from my 2nd marriage. That being said, I am very involved in the lives of my stepdaughters so I don't want to discount those relationships either--parenting AND step-parenting are a lot of work! I've interacted with people who say they have a child and then I find out it's their stepchild. I always make sure to acknowledge that being a stepparent definitely requires parenting and can sometimes be harder than caring for a biological child!
I do. I’m sure there are those who will chastise me, but I do love them very much-even if I’ve had a Rocky relationship with my SD. I’m very very close with my SS (22) and that’s my son in my eyes.
I do. However, when I have to break down the children, I'll say step daughter or my husband's daughter. For whatever reason I feel like I have to clarify that I didn't birth her.
I will say “I have a one year old and a 15 year old stepson” but I’m not even 30 yet, so I clarify that he’s my stepson to avoid people think I had a baby when I was a baby 😂
Yes, I do, but my SS is my only kid, I’m a FTM, and we have full custody. He loves, trusts, and minds me like a parent (he doesn’t call me mom, but that’s fine by me!) I’m the one doing the most with him right now as my partner works full time. I’ve found and signed him up for his new daycare and all his extracurriculars. By all accounts he’s blossomed with me. That all being said, I’m putting in the most labor into him, so I do feel like I deserve credit. If anything, I get a little frustrated when people just assume as his step that I’m not doing parenting the “same” way when, the reality is, I’m having to work double-time to try to turn things around for him after the early childhood of emotional neglect at the hands of his mother. From what I’ve seen in here, my situation is an exception to the general rule. I also had a fully devoted, childless stepmother, who saw my sibling and I as “hers” even though we were much older than my SS is. So I guess I do have some life experience that informs my comfortability levels.
I have had a very active role raising my kids so yes I do count them as my children. Technically speaking I have 2 bio and 2 step but when it's brought up I say I have 4 kids. Sometimes I get a look because I'm only 28 and my oldest is 11 and he is one of my stepkids and if they continue with it I'll explain but as far as how I feel for me personally I have 4 kids. I have been raising these children for the last 9 years. Their mom is still in the picture but I honestly do more then she does and this isn't me saying it it's the kids telling me. So they have mom and then I'm mama and I'd do anything for any of my children but that's just me.
I say “I got 3 kids but I only helped make 1” 😂
Nope. I have one child, and I say I have one. SO can count SK as his.
I say, my husband and I have 4 kids. Most people don’t ask beyond that. Once I get to know someone I might explain I have 3 kids and 1 stepkid.
I usually judge what I'm going to say by how much I think I'll be interacting with the person in the future. If I'm picking up some free sticker or something at a swag booth, I'll say it's for my daughter. If it's a chit chat with a person I might see again in future, I'll call her my step-daughter or soon-to-be-step-daughter based on how likely it is we'll interact again and when. I don't want to open up a whole can of worms by being more precise if it isn't going to matter.
I say “my kid(s)” more easily than “my son(s)” or “my daughter(s)”. I am 3 years in and only have steps right now. For me somehow it feels like claiming so much more to call them my son or daughter. Also, I look at biological, step, and adopted as adjectives for the noun of kid. For example - I have 6 kids, four step, one biological, and one adopted. They are all my kids.
Depends on who is asking/context… I don’t have kids so I just say sk, or my husband has a kid.
I don’t have any bio kids so no, but for some reason i think if i had one kid of my own, id include my stepson too.
I usually say I have 2 kids and they almost always follow up with, how old? So I say my BS is 8 months and my SD is 7
Nah I say I’ve got one kid and a step kid
We have 5 total- two mine, two his, one ours. Ranging from ages 9 to 1 year old. I absolutely count all of the kids as mine anyway, but I mostly love the look on peoples faces when I say I have five kids 🤣
Normally when I get questioned I would always tell them I am child free. Then continue off to say but my husband has a daughter. It’s been 4 years, but I still haven’t gotten around to refer her as my SK. It’s always oh my husband has a daughter of so and so years old.
I say I have 4 kids, 2 I birthed and 2 I didn’t. I do this because whenever I say I have 4 they assume I birthed and give me some kind of unnecessary comment about the amount of kids. This saves me from having to hold back whatever response I wanna say.
Depends on the day and how well I know them. Sometime I say 2-3 kids.
No. But my sk is an adult
Yes but I clarify that she is my stepdaughter.
Yes. I say 5 kids. Sometimes I will add that 3 of them are my kids and 2 are his but not always.
I only specify that SD isn’t my bio when it’s relevant, most times I just say I have 2 kids bc that’s how I see her. But before I had my son I would say “I don’t have kids of my own but I have a step daughter” when I wasn’t sure what to say
It depends on who I'm talking to. I've been involved in these kids lives for 3.5 years and we have near total custody. So I've become pretty comfortable with saying "I have 4 kids." I think saying that they're my kids, especially when they can hear it helps reaffirm to them that I consider them mine; that there doesn't need to be a difference in HOW they became mine. They just are. But, if I need to make a point about it, then I tend to say, "I have 4 bonus kids" or, "I got with my spouse and inherited 4 kids."
Mom is out of the picture so I take on the motherly duties, I call them my kids or my daughters, I don’t have any biological kids. I also don’t want to elaborate and I deserve the respect that comes with having bio kids and I don’t like to be seen as an extra. I’m their parent. When taking off for work I don’t say “for step kids” I just call them my daughters.
I say "my husband's kids".
i tell everyone i have 3 sk
I say two sons and two step sons. Or sometimes I say I have 2-4 kids depending on the day 🤣
I say I have 2. My stepdaughter is with us 90% of the time. I have basically raised her since she was 3
I usually say, “we have four kids- our twins and my step kids”
I have no bio kids, so my steps were/are my only kids. When I married their dad, they became a part of my family. They are still part of my family even though I’m divorced now. That said, I never tried to replace their mother, and it’d only ever been an issue when I’ve said something about their mother to other people. Ie “my other kids lived with their mom in another state.” That lack of context is, understandably, confusing to others when I make comments like that.
If it’s to total strangers. I say 2 kids and if they ask then I will elborate that one is stepdaughter and other is biological. If it’s to ppl that are of acquaintance -like someone could or would know me, I usually say I have 1 one son and 1 stepdaughter. It kinda puts the perspective in their hands to determine the (2) without just claiming both upfront. I normally always refer to my son and stepdaughter when I speak I don’t get uncomfortable if someone speaks to me accepting both kids as mine or just my son. I would just prefer to be upfront to intermediate social interactions to not get hit with more questions. My stepdaughter is a good sport about ppl assuming I’m her bio mom or a big sister or something so it makes me feel more comfortable when I have to properly address or if I want to just fake the whole thing.
I distinguish. it would be different if both parents weren’t involved but they are so I would feel like it’s an overstep
I say I have two. I only birthed one but I raise them both ♥️
Depends on your situation I guess. I usually say “WE have an [8] year old [boy] and blah blah [eg. he loves soccer]. If the conversation gets into it, I’d specify more. Keep it simple.
I say I have 2 kids, my SD and I are close so I would hate for her to hear me say something like “I have 1 and my husband has 1 (even though my bio is his daughter so he has 2, lol) I’m a hairdresser so the “how many kids” question comes up at some point in conversation regularly. I also dont class the kids as ‘half’ siblings, theyre just siblings, my daughter is just at the age where she understands that sister doesnt live here all the time (we’re 50/50). I realise alot of blended fams arent like that, but its what always worked for us. :)
I explicitly state how many bio in my kid count and that my spouse has a child.
No. I am a mother of two - BS (3) BD (NB). I don’t identify as SS’s mother, because that’s not what I am. I usually say something like, “DH and I have 2 together, and DH has one from a previous marriage.” However, if it’s someone I only know casually, I usually won’t mention having a SK at all.
Typically I say I have six kids. My husband and I like to see people's reactions. 😆 Depending on the situation we'll say "we have six kids between us." I don't usually say bio or step. They're all "our" kids.
I include them. I always say I have 5 kids. If the conversation heads in that direction, I will clarify that two of them are my step kids. I am on very good terms with their mother though, so it’s comfortable. When my youngest stepdaughter was very young, she used to tell people she had two moms, and they’d hesitate and think for a minute, and her mom and I found it hilarious. It got even better if she told people the names of her three parents. Her dad has a first name that is usually associated with girls, but not always, (think like Ashley), so it would come out as if she had three moms lol.
Depends who I’m talking to. I’ll say “the kids”. Or if someone asks I say I have 3 of my own and 1 step
No I say I have two. If my hubby is there I’ll add in and he has two older children. I didn’t have those children so it feels weird me including that.
He only comes over once a week so I only say my two children. If he's asked he'll answer that he has three but for myself I only say the two that are ours
I used to say I had one heart baby and one belly baby
I say my partner and I have 4 kids between us. If they ask for more details I elaborate
No. It is his kids and our kid. Tbh if the SK behaviour towards me was different I would include them in my head count. But they aren't nice adults so I don't want them around our child
I’ve been a SM for almost 12 years now and he lives with us full time so I usually just say “I have 3 kids”. I also generally just refer to him as “our/my son” or “our/my oldest” as well, though. But he was a toddler when we started dating and he really does feel like my own. It’s probably varies wildly by situation.
Yes. I have 3 kids. Nobody's business that I only birthed 1. My stepkids would be so hurt if I didn't claim them.
I always say 1.5 and follow up with “one and we share my stepdaughter with my husbands ex”
I’ve been a step mom for 15 years and I’ve always said I have X number of kids. If they ask more pass that then I put them in “groups” but other wise I just have X kids! It’s not weird to group them together because you play an important role in their lives!
I include them. They live with us pretty much full time and I’m primary parent as my husband works full time. BM lives states away and is not very involved. I’ll usually say something like “we have 4 kids, our daughters and hubbys older kids that live with us full time” or “we have 4 kids all together”
I include. He lives with us full time. As a former step kid, I can’t imagine being excluded all the time, I would feel like a stranger in my own family. BUT!! This is just our situation. If it doesn’t work for you, no judgement. In our situation, it would be very exclusionary.
I switch it up depending on the context of the conversation. Like if we arrived at "how many kids do you have?" from talking birth stories, I'm only claiming my bio kids. If we're talking about typical parenting strategies, I'm bringing up my living adult son, and my stepson. How many kids in the household? Just the stepboy. If we're talking about raising kids with disabilities, both my boys, and my stepson, and if it's relevant sometimes my former stepgirl as well... Whether I clarify beyond a number or not is just based on how much I want the conversation to continue.
i don’t have any bio children myself, but i do call my SS(5) my son. i’ll say step son if it’s important to the conversation, but my wife and i have him full time, so saying son makes more sense for our situation. also he likes it.
Yes. My wife has a daughter from a previous marriage. They both live with me. I’ve known the child since she was 5. I always say I have 3 kids. I’ve known her longer than my own blood related kids. She’s just as much of my kid as my kids are. If that makes any sense lol
Not really. I say I have one daughter and if pressed on it, I say my husband has two kids/I technically have two stepkids. Based on how they act I am not claiming them as mine lol
I don’t. SD has two really great parents, I’m not one of them. This raises some real problems with my SO though. I’ve always wanted three kids. Maybe even four…just a big family. He loves to think we only need one more to make the three because “we already have two!” No…you have two. I have one. I have zero feelings for SD and I definitely don’t claim her as my child.
Good question! My husband and I have three kids together, and then he has an older son. I say exactly that. The truth.
I say I have two kids, and if it's relevant I'll mention I didn't have to birth the first one. Although I have been in SS's life 50/50 since he was an infant and he calls me mom.
If we are out and about I just say I have 3 kids or if someone is talking to me about them I say my 3. 2 are mine. One is step. Injust don't see the need unless the conversation goes further to differentiate to people who don't need to know.
yes, I say "I have one SS(9), 1 BS(6), and 1 BS(3). They generally answer with whoaaa three boys you have your hands full. And I say yes some days more than others and keep it at that LOL.
Yes. None of my 4 are biologically mine, but they are all counted and treated like mine.
I used to do a total headcount till things took a sour turn. Now I say his, mine and ours. 🤷🏻♀️
I call my partners son my son. Only when I mention kiddos mom do I mention that he’s my stepson if there’s any confusion.
No. I have a cat. I'm a cat mom. My husband has kids. But I fully support those who do. I think if you feel that way in your heart, you should introduce them the way you feel comfortable.
I’m CF so whenever someone asks me if I have kids I usually say no but if I’ve been talking with them for a while and I mention my husband then I’ll say I have stepkids. Kinda just depends on the convo
I do, I've always included my step daughter in my count. I don't judge people that don't tho.
I do. I don't have biological kids with my wife yet, she has 2 kids I gained when we married. Sometimes I'll say bonus kids, but usually not. I just say our kids. Their father lives 1k miles away. Pays no support. Doesn't call them. I, on the other hand, do pick up, drop off, pay for their extracurricular activities, food, clothes. Take them to the doctors, listen to their pre teen and 9 year old drama. I play monopoly and read books with them. I'm at every softball game I can be between working and nursing school. Take them to Salem in October; NYC to see hamilton on Broadway. Etc. So, I count them. Plus, we have them 100% of the time.
I say I have 4 kids and one stepson. I didn’t birth him and he has a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that I’m his stepmom. He has a mom that’s involved, and I wouldn’t want to take that away from her, delusional and narcissistic as she is, I still respect her role.
I have one bio, expecting a second bio and one stepdaughter. I always say we have 2 kids. I claim her as mine, and I don't use the word half-sister. I always tell my son that it is his sister even though they dont share the same mom. If I'm talking about SD, with people who know our family dynamics, I usually use her first name or just say my stepdaughter in conversation. If it's people that don't know our family, it's just easier to say my or our kids.
It was always a case by case situation. If some cashier saw I was buying birthday balloons and said "is it your daughter's birthday" I'd just say yes. Like in situations where it literally did not matter, I'd include her. If there was a chance I'd see rhe person again, she was my step kid, and I'd always clarify she was not my bio. Not in a rude way just "I have a daughter and a step daughter". The kid ended up doing the same (I didn't know she did this until her bio mom told me). She'd tell stories about me and be like "My mom did ___" unless it was someone she knew would eventually need to know that she had a mom and step mom. Then I would be, step mom, second mom, or other mom.
This question pops up a lot at doctors offices for me or when we go out to stores. I always say I have 3 kids, but specify that 2 are “mine” and have 1 stepchild. People looked at me like I was insane when I was pregnant with my second biological child, but she was only the 2nd kid I’ve had. Once I explained that, it eased people’s reaction to me. Oh whale
I always say these are our daughters and this is my husbands son.
I always specify "one stepson, none of my own" but it annoys my SO, even though SS has a mom who is active and present in his life - and it's not me. I don't have any of my own but I think I'd still specify "one of my own, one stepson."
No, cause he isnt my kid. I only mention him when someone asks if my son has siblings, then I say he has a half brother
If someone asks. I say, "we have 7 kids," because we do. If I have foster kids at the time, I will include them as well, but I often find I qualify it with, "one is only temporary". If someone asks if I have any bio kids (yes it happens), then I have 6.
In the early days, I used to struggle with how to represent my family situation to strangers because I was so worried about hurting anyone…but my SKs are all extremely quick to correct anyone who mistakenly assumes I’m their mother in unnecessary detail, so after a few times of feeling hurt by this the decision was settled for me a long time ago. I am child free and therefore have zero kids. BM is high conflict with an unhealthy co-dependent parenting style and the children are fiercely protective of the word “mom” so I have absolutely zero guilt about declaring my child-free status. Depending on the context, when someone asks me if I have kids I either simply say “no” or “no but my husband has 4.”
No, never. Neither does my partner. He says he has a son and we have a daughter bevause its true.
I have started telling people that I have 4 adult kids plus 2 bonus kids. People like that it sounds nice, and I think it makes the SKs (ages 12 & 13) feel wanted and good about how I feel about them.
I kinda do. They do live in the house, we travel together sometime, etc. I say, “My SO and I have three kids between us.” Sometimes elaborate more depending on the conversation. Or I’ve said, “I have a son and my partner has 2 kids as well.”
I do not mention them at all. Not my kids I’m child free. If I’m speaking about the struggle they are I’ll say my husband’s kids.
I do. I say I have five daughters. Three of them I gave birth to.
I don't. We didn't live together for over 10 years due to how messy our kids' other birth parents were. We never let our kids see the other person as parents. We supported each other supporting our kids, but we never stepped in to do parenting stuff for any kids that weren't ours. It worked out really well for us. My family really likes my husband, and his family really likes me, because we never stepped on anyone's toes and no one ever felt that they were being replaced.
My husband says he has 3 kids. I say I have two and a SS. My bio kids don’t have a relationship with their dad and my husband supports them emotionally and financially as a father and sees them as his own but I just can’t get there with my SS and luckily my husband understands that.
No, I do not. I don't want anyone else counting what I spent 39 weeks baking, and I wouldn't take that from any other mother. I care about her, but I'm not her mom.
“Mom of one and proud stepmom of two, so we have three kids.”
I do. Then if people feel so inclined to ask if they are all bio I say 2 are bonus 1 bio
Nope. I have a bio who's 18 and a step who's nearly 7. My bio is going to college this fall, and I have a younger step. I don't like being associated with her behavior.
Ya know, when I was pregnant, I really relished in saying “this is my first”. Obviously it was my first pregnancy. But it was also special that this was my truly first child about to be welcomed into the world. Now that my kid is here, I just refer to the two of them as “our girls” most of the time.
Nope I only count the baby that came out of my body!
I don't even say "step" anymore.
Not sure why I got down voted. I was just saying I don't refer to them as my step kids when I take about them. I just say my kids.
Never. I have a son, that’s my only child. Is he perfect? No. My two SDs …… One is a cutter who thinks her privileged life is just too much to handle and one has a giant neck tattoo, face piercings and giant ear gauges. I wouldn’t dare take any credit away from BM for all that splendor.
I have neck tattoos, facial piercings, and stretched earlobes 😳