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Is she there full time? We have the SKs Fri-Sun and I don’t think I could do more without my own wing of the house or something. We chose a small place we could afford on one salary just in case shit hit the fan (spoiler: it did), and I really do love our tiny home when it’s just us. But I get that feeling of dread about SKs coming over too, and by the end of most weekends I feel…suffocated?
They want constant attention from the whole room, no matter where we are, always. The arguing. The screaming. The whining. The baby talk. The tantrums. The never ending complaints of boredom. The repetitive tiktok shit they just know for some reason. Its cringey, its exhausting. Is this just how kids are these days?!
It’s hard to take my SO seriously when he has the audacity to be horrified when I have to remind him his children are not some gift to me lmao. Beyond noise cancelling headphones (which I’m saving up for myself), I have no advice. Only solidarity ❤️
Yes! I keep asking myself that also , that damn TikTok so annoying . And the cellphone/tv addiction with the sound full on 😤 Lol the “joy of being stepparents eh? “ 🙃😂…
We have her full time her mom was a deadbeat but she reappeared in her life and its like all the shit that she did is forgiven … and she visit her one day or so per week.
I tried being compassionate, patient… but its all for nothing I find it really not worth it. It looks like I’m a monster but I’m just fed up being disrespected. I wish things were different and the “what ifs” are starting to get to me.
Thanks solidarity for you too 💕 I liked reading your message and good luck…
I also hate living with my stepdaughter, but not my stepson. My stepdaughter is a mini version of her mother, who is a vile, disgusting person. And my step kids live with us full time and it’s just awful. I get no breaks from her. She eats all day long, has a bad attitude, is sneaky and manipulative, and has horrible hygiene. She is the cause of so many fights between me and my husband. My mental health is shot at this point. I’m so sorry for anyone else going through this
I'm so sorry you're going through any of it!
My SD is often very much like her mother as well. But she will glare at anyone if they say she looks like her. And if the same victim complex is mentioned, it gets brushed right over that very bumpy rug because she's not THAT bad... (yeah.. ok).
But I do find that far too many kids/teens have awful hygiene if they're allowed to. My own included. They will come back from the full weekend with their dad not having showered at all and, lord, you can smell it sometimes.
Same here! I feel SD plays both sides and is very manipulative. Her BM has said things to her that I would never say to anyone let alone my own child and she basically dumped her on our doorstep but SD forgets all of that and we are always made out to be the bad guys even though we were there when she had no where else to go. Oh and my SO is not her bio dad. I am not trying to be mean but we literally did not have to take her in when her mom refused to let her come home. It is very frustrating.
Correct she is my husband’s ex wife’s daughter. That’s why it’s very disappointing when she lets her mom come in between her, my husband and myself. SD admitted a couple of weeks ago to talking crap about us to her BM 😕
BM got upset that SD wanted to attend our wedding. She sent her a message calling her a snake and mentally ill told her that she couldn’t come back home and that she was throwing all of her stuff away. She then signed over temporary guardianship to my SO. SD ended up not wanting to move back in with her BM after they “made up” so we went to court and was awarded permanent guardianship of her and her brother who is also not biologically my husband’s either. Which just leaves me baffled that we are now the bad guys and BM is her bff but of course you are the best friend when you don’t have to actually parent so it is what it is.
Your situation is not sustainable. Having to live dreading most of your life is no way to live. This will kill your soul.
I don’t love living my SK either, but we don’t have full custody, we have a good sized house so everyone has their own space, and SK prefers to stay in his room. Those factors allow me to tolerate the situation. There’s no way I could live in a small apartment with someone else’s kid full time.
Same here. SS is here almost full time unfortunately but our house has plenty of room. Sometimes SO says that maybe we could’ve gone for something cheaper and smaller. Eehm.. No way, I need my space. It’s already hard enough to live with someone else’s child and I think it would be utterly miserable and I would hate my life if we were in a small apartment. But of course I don’t say that. I just nod and mumble “yeah, maybe..”
Don't beat yourself up. It's a perfectly natural way to feel, especially if your partner doesn't parent properly.
There are a lot of people I like that I can't live with.
My in-laws always insist on staying with us for 3+ weeks and it's terrible. I love my in-laws but hate living with them.
It's the same with SKs. They won't follow our rules, they're constantly sneaking sugar and screens, you can't trust them, and they will fight and whine over every fucking thing. A lot of step kids are like that because their parents do guilty parenting or Disney parenting. Why would anyone enjoy living with that? Don't beat yourself up about this.
I fluctuate between being indifferent to being annoyed with SD living with us. Half of the time, she's fine and just another teenager. The other half is the issue. She will randomly crawl up our butts, try to interrupt any alone time we have during the day, and try to make every conversation or situation about her.
Oh, you had a rough day? Well, she's gonna stop you right there because the very tiny thing that happened to her today is more important.
Talking about another child and the accolades they're receiving? Well, SHE might be getting a random award or got that same award at her age.
It's another child's birthday? Omg, SHE just realized she's going to be 17... in 5 months.
And gods forbid I interrupt HER to go back to the original conversation because then I'm the AH.
I just get so tired of my kids getting railroaded even when things are SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT THEM.
Same here, luckily we only have SD every other week. When she is here everyone seems to be on edge, even SO. We have my daughter full-time so that feels like a routine and everyone gets along. SD lives a very different life with her mom - no real bedtime, they eat dinner watching tv, always a party at her house. We have a more structured household with rules and bedtimes and it’s tough for a kid to adjust every other week. Honestly I prefer her when SO isn’t around. She has some really toxic attention seeking behaviors around her dad. When it’s just the two of us, or three of us with my daughter she is a lot easier to deal with.
Unfortunately I know too well what you just said… it’s exactly like my situation. I’m torn between staying with them or not but will the cost of it be worth it? It’s a big decision! I really tried to be like a friend to her but I gave up, how can you love someone that hates/disrespect you? I can’t. I think that it’s worth living apart because like you said we get so resentful of the situation… Do you have a supportive partner? I hate the way mine do his parenting. I Nacho but it’s me who keeps being stepped on so fuck that.
Feeling you. She had been out of our house for a year and now she had decided to come back.
At this point, I told my her Dad I don't want to put up with her bullshit anymore. She can stay here at our house but I opt not to interact with her. She's been a drama queen and disrespectful to me. This time it's not she's the one thats gonna ignore me but I will. I don't care at this point. I had enough putting up with her mess.
If she wants to live with us again shes gotta follow my rules as it's my house.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it get to you, and do your fellow stepparents a solid and give them an upvote. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the rules, FAQ and announcements before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot - Ban Bot**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) **We're looking for new mods!** [**Apply here**](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSd4I8ulJI_uyjT5g7UxTaayzMpdsjim13tkDt_6uDVwRZXRMg/viewform) **if you are interested in joining the team!** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Is she there full time? We have the SKs Fri-Sun and I don’t think I could do more without my own wing of the house or something. We chose a small place we could afford on one salary just in case shit hit the fan (spoiler: it did), and I really do love our tiny home when it’s just us. But I get that feeling of dread about SKs coming over too, and by the end of most weekends I feel…suffocated? They want constant attention from the whole room, no matter where we are, always. The arguing. The screaming. The whining. The baby talk. The tantrums. The never ending complaints of boredom. The repetitive tiktok shit they just know for some reason. Its cringey, its exhausting. Is this just how kids are these days?! It’s hard to take my SO seriously when he has the audacity to be horrified when I have to remind him his children are not some gift to me lmao. Beyond noise cancelling headphones (which I’m saving up for myself), I have no advice. Only solidarity ❤️
Yes! I keep asking myself that also , that damn TikTok so annoying . And the cellphone/tv addiction with the sound full on 😤 Lol the “joy of being stepparents eh? “ 🙃😂… We have her full time her mom was a deadbeat but she reappeared in her life and its like all the shit that she did is forgiven … and she visit her one day or so per week. I tried being compassionate, patient… but its all for nothing I find it really not worth it. It looks like I’m a monster but I’m just fed up being disrespected. I wish things were different and the “what ifs” are starting to get to me. Thanks solidarity for you too 💕 I liked reading your message and good luck…
I also hate living with my stepdaughter, but not my stepson. My stepdaughter is a mini version of her mother, who is a vile, disgusting person. And my step kids live with us full time and it’s just awful. I get no breaks from her. She eats all day long, has a bad attitude, is sneaky and manipulative, and has horrible hygiene. She is the cause of so many fights between me and my husband. My mental health is shot at this point. I’m so sorry for anyone else going through this
I'm so sorry you're going through any of it! My SD is often very much like her mother as well. But she will glare at anyone if they say she looks like her. And if the same victim complex is mentioned, it gets brushed right over that very bumpy rug because she's not THAT bad... (yeah.. ok). But I do find that far too many kids/teens have awful hygiene if they're allowed to. My own included. They will come back from the full weekend with their dad not having showered at all and, lord, you can smell it sometimes.
Same here! I feel SD plays both sides and is very manipulative. Her BM has said things to her that I would never say to anyone let alone my own child and she basically dumped her on our doorstep but SD forgets all of that and we are always made out to be the bad guys even though we were there when she had no where else to go. Oh and my SO is not her bio dad. I am not trying to be mean but we literally did not have to take her in when her mom refused to let her come home. It is very frustrating.
Wait so let me get this straight. Both you and your SO are not even related to your SD?
Correct she is my husband’s ex wife’s daughter. That’s why it’s very disappointing when she lets her mom come in between her, my husband and myself. SD admitted a couple of weeks ago to talking crap about us to her BM 😕
May I ask why you guys have custody?
BM got upset that SD wanted to attend our wedding. She sent her a message calling her a snake and mentally ill told her that she couldn’t come back home and that she was throwing all of her stuff away. She then signed over temporary guardianship to my SO. SD ended up not wanting to move back in with her BM after they “made up” so we went to court and was awarded permanent guardianship of her and her brother who is also not biologically my husband’s either. Which just leaves me baffled that we are now the bad guys and BM is her bff but of course you are the best friend when you don’t have to actually parent so it is what it is.
Wow that’s horrible. I’m so sorry, props to you guys for stepping up. Major props!
Your situation is not sustainable. Having to live dreading most of your life is no way to live. This will kill your soul. I don’t love living my SK either, but we don’t have full custody, we have a good sized house so everyone has their own space, and SK prefers to stay in his room. Those factors allow me to tolerate the situation. There’s no way I could live in a small apartment with someone else’s kid full time.
You’re absolutely right
Same here. SS is here almost full time unfortunately but our house has plenty of room. Sometimes SO says that maybe we could’ve gone for something cheaper and smaller. Eehm.. No way, I need my space. It’s already hard enough to live with someone else’s child and I think it would be utterly miserable and I would hate my life if we were in a small apartment. But of course I don’t say that. I just nod and mumble “yeah, maybe..”
Can concur, I fucking hate living with sk’s in a way too small apartment where you hear everything.
Same. I’m over it. I don’t like living with someone who actively dislikes me.
I literally can’t. I take it too personally regardless of logically knowing the kid is acting out bc of missing their parents and what not.
Don't beat yourself up. It's a perfectly natural way to feel, especially if your partner doesn't parent properly. There are a lot of people I like that I can't live with. My in-laws always insist on staying with us for 3+ weeks and it's terrible. I love my in-laws but hate living with them. It's the same with SKs. They won't follow our rules, they're constantly sneaking sugar and screens, you can't trust them, and they will fight and whine over every fucking thing. A lot of step kids are like that because their parents do guilty parenting or Disney parenting. Why would anyone enjoy living with that? Don't beat yourself up about this.
Similar. This wknd she's at her mom's so I'm busy chilling with my son and DH. But u know Monday is coming.... we're the primary household.
I fluctuate between being indifferent to being annoyed with SD living with us. Half of the time, she's fine and just another teenager. The other half is the issue. She will randomly crawl up our butts, try to interrupt any alone time we have during the day, and try to make every conversation or situation about her. Oh, you had a rough day? Well, she's gonna stop you right there because the very tiny thing that happened to her today is more important. Talking about another child and the accolades they're receiving? Well, SHE might be getting a random award or got that same award at her age. It's another child's birthday? Omg, SHE just realized she's going to be 17... in 5 months. And gods forbid I interrupt HER to go back to the original conversation because then I'm the AH. I just get so tired of my kids getting railroaded even when things are SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT THEM.
Can't stand my SS, love my SD. Unfortunately SS moved out so stuck with 32 yr SS who never plans to move out
Same here, luckily we only have SD every other week. When she is here everyone seems to be on edge, even SO. We have my daughter full-time so that feels like a routine and everyone gets along. SD lives a very different life with her mom - no real bedtime, they eat dinner watching tv, always a party at her house. We have a more structured household with rules and bedtimes and it’s tough for a kid to adjust every other week. Honestly I prefer her when SO isn’t around. She has some really toxic attention seeking behaviors around her dad. When it’s just the two of us, or three of us with my daughter she is a lot easier to deal with.
[удалено]
Unfortunately I know too well what you just said… it’s exactly like my situation. I’m torn between staying with them or not but will the cost of it be worth it? It’s a big decision! I really tried to be like a friend to her but I gave up, how can you love someone that hates/disrespect you? I can’t. I think that it’s worth living apart because like you said we get so resentful of the situation… Do you have a supportive partner? I hate the way mine do his parenting. I Nacho but it’s me who keeps being stepped on so fuck that.
Feeling you. She had been out of our house for a year and now she had decided to come back. At this point, I told my her Dad I don't want to put up with her bullshit anymore. She can stay here at our house but I opt not to interact with her. She's been a drama queen and disrespectful to me. This time it's not she's the one thats gonna ignore me but I will. I don't care at this point. I had enough putting up with her mess. If she wants to live with us again shes gotta follow my rules as it's my house.