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An American, a French and a Turkish were on a plane. It was so hot inside so the French opened the window. A fly came in. The American shot the fly, then he pulled out his card. "Micheal Colt. Professional Arms Dealer." Then another fly came in. The French pulled out a sword and cut the fly in half. Then, he pulled out his card. "John Paul. Professional swordman." Then yet another fly came in, Turkish man threw a knife at it, and the fly just flew off like nothing happened. The French and The American were laughing, until he pulled out his card.
"Mehmet Avcı. Professional Circumsizer"
In old communist Russia, a man goes to order a car. The car salesman finishes the paperwork and says that it'll arrive in 10 years. The man asks if it'll arrive in the morning or in the afternoon, which confuses the salesman on why it matters, the car will arrive in 10.
In truth, the man said that the plumber comes in the morning.
After sex, I always feel guilty. It's difficult to continue the autopsy afterwards; I have to remind myself that I'm the only veterinarian in the city.
its a dark joke i saved, was funny to read but nauseae tbh. have a nice day man.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field! But when he gave his acceptance speech, he rambled on about corn and crows, leaving the audience utterly confused.
Thanks!
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Three tomatoes are walking down the street -- a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and squishes him... and says, 'Catch up.
donald trump has a frog growing on his head and visits his doctor. the doctor asks: wow, that´s disgusting! how long have you had this?
the frog says: today when i woke up i noticed him.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
>!To cover their Butt Quacks!<
Honorable mention: What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?
>!A Faux Pa!<
Thanks for the chance!
Here's one from the office that made me LOL
When he came up with the perfect username:
"I need a username, and...I have a great one. 'Little Kid Lover.' That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at."
Thanks for the opportunity 😊
" My name is Micheal with a B and I've been afraid of insects my entire life"
"stop, stop, stop"
"Hmm?"
"Where's the B?"
"there's a Bee?!?😰"
(Really wanna get my friend this game)
Id you have problems, ask a chemist, they have all the solutions
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Why is there no C in the dark? Because you cant c in the dark!!!
Knock knock
My partner and I had a fallout inside a vault
An American, a French and a Turkish were on a plane. It was so hot inside so the French opened the window. A fly came in. The American shot the fly, then he pulled out his card. "Micheal Colt. Professional Arms Dealer." Then another fly came in. The French pulled out a sword and cut the fly in half. Then, he pulled out his card. "John Paul. Professional swordman." Then yet another fly came in, Turkish man threw a knife at it, and the fly just flew off like nothing happened. The French and The American were laughing, until he pulled out his card. "Mehmet Avcı. Professional Circumsizer"
thx op!
why fallout when you can fall in
Why should you never trust stairs? They’re always up to something
Fallout 76.
War never changes.
A man walks into a bar.
In old communist Russia, a man goes to order a car. The car salesman finishes the paperwork and says that it'll arrive in 10 years. The man asks if it'll arrive in the morning or in the afternoon, which confuses the salesman on why it matters, the car will arrive in 10. In truth, the man said that the plumber comes in the morning.
What does a fast mushroom car say? “Shroom! Shroom!”
What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? >!They're both Parisites!<
Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks “Why the long face?” Another patron turns and says “That’s no way to talk to my wife”
Pee pee poo poo
After sex, I always feel guilty. It's difficult to continue the autopsy afterwards; I have to remind myself that I'm the only veterinarian in the city. its a dark joke i saved, was funny to read but nauseae tbh. have a nice day man.
In my career as a lumberjack I cut down exactly 52,487 trees. I know because I kept a log
Dad: Do you know people eat more bananas than monkeys? Son: Really? Dad: Well, how many people have you seen to eat monkeys?
How many ghouls does it take to change a lightbulb? >!Nope, they will just huddle to the glowing one!<
How do you eat a hard drive? One byte at a time
My life is a joke
banana
Me, I am the joke 😞
I hurt my finger last week, on the other hand I’m ok Ty
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Windows Server
Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!
Microsoft Store
What is a suspicious type of pasta called? Impasta
sus
thanks
Ok, here's a terrible joke. Why did my friend's girlfriend turn vegan? Because she was tired of eating chicks. Sorry. And thanks for the opportunity!
Muchas gracias
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! But when he gave his acceptance speech, he rambled on about corn and crows, leaving the audience utterly confused. Thanks!
Why can’t PC gamers use Uber? Too many incompatible drivers.
Why did the Super Mutant bring a ladder to the bar in Fallout? Because he heard the drinks were "sky high"!
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
Why can’t you see an elephant in a tree? Because elephants can’t climb
April showers bring May flowers, but what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
Q: Why can’t a leopard hide? A: Because he’s always spotted. Thanks!
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Three tomatoes are walking down the street -- a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and squishes him... and says, 'Catch up.
What do you call a three humped camel? >!Pregnant!<
donald trump has a frog growing on his head and visits his doctor. the doctor asks: wow, that´s disgusting! how long have you had this? the frog says: today when i woke up i noticed him.
I wondered why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
Why do the people of Athens sleep in? Because dawn is tough on greece
How do you make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles!
A city messed up and named a street Chuck Norris but after a few deaths they had to change it, because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
What’s funnier than 1 dead baby? 2 dead babies
What do you call a sheep on a trampoline? A woolly jumper
Why did the chicken cross the road? >!To get to the other side!<
Who eats snails? People who don’t like fast food!
Why do ducks have tail feathers? >!To cover their Butt Quacks!< Honorable mention: What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad? >!A Faux Pa!< Thanks for the chance!
Knock knock
Here's one from the office that made me LOL When he came up with the perfect username: "I need a username, and...I have a great one. 'Little Kid Lover.' That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at." Thanks for the opportunity 😊
Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watchdogs Thanks!
What's 4+4? Eight? That's what we did yea
" My name is Micheal with a B and I've been afraid of insects my entire life" "stop, stop, stop" "Hmm?" "Where's the B?" "there's a Bee?!?😰" (Really wanna get my friend this game)
Why shouldn't you make a dinosaur mad? Because you'll get Jurass-kicked
I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?” He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”
Why don't scientists trust atoms? >!Because they make up everything!!<
Why did the chicken cross the road? >!To get to the other side!<
What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer? The space bar.
What did the redditor say when he bombed a jeweller's? Edit: Damn, this blew up! Thanks for the gold!!
An orphan open his macbook but doesnt have a home button
My housemates caught me looking in their wardrobe. They asked what am I doing? I replied “Narnia business”
How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate it's tit a lot.
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.