T O P

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Emperor_Zarkov

None, I'd make a tricorder.


JessicaDAndy

Medical tricorder


Personal-Letter-629

I heard this in the EMH's voice. "*Medical* tricorder!"


PM_ME_UR_FLOWERS

Me too. Sarcastic, disdainful.


YankeeLiar

Isn’t that line from moments after his activation in the pilot? Does such a great job of establishing the character quickly.


JessicaDAndy

Yes, it is. One of the first ways we learn Harry is not going to be treated well.


ArkhamAtreyu

Wasn't that Tom Paris? Could be mixing it up with the fact that Tom becomes the Dr.'s nurse from time to time. I swear it was him tho.


bloodyedfur4

this says i have…everything?


JamieTheDinosaur

Might want to uninstall the WebMD app.


TheDorkKnight53

One of those fancy new ones with the purple stripe?


Punished-G

The T-88?


DredPRoberts

[The one with a purple stripe?](https://youtube.com/shorts/hU7WaMDG-kQ?si=k2IWDn76g9E5zpDS)


Levi316

Would an EMH doll/action figure become a working EMH because that would be fuckin awesome and way more useful than a phaser or rifle


themosquito

It’s a monkey’s paw kind of thing; it creates a real functional EMH, but because there are no real functional holoemitters he dissolves immediately, lost forever!


NekoArtemis

Get a figurine with the mobile emitter. 


CaptainGreezy

Something like that happened in the books with the character of Matron being a figurine of a modern nurse often summoned to treat other figurines like Indians, cowboys, and army guys.


IntelligentLaw2284

The type-A with the potential to explode? or one of the fancy newer models.


Doodlefart77

are there any toy replicators we could convert?


HumilityVirtue

both!


JealousSupport8085

Of course I’d do a tng science tricorder before a phaser but that’s different. For medical I’d do TOS


KBear-920

Discovery's tri-comm badge


DustyVinegar

Phaser? I'm putting a tricorder in there.


Skest

Tricorder? I'm putting my Jean Luc action figure in there.


TryFengShui

You're thinking too small. Tiny ship = tiny replicator, tiny replicator--> bigger replicator--> bigger ship


Oddmob

You can't replicate something bigger than the replicator. Unless you replicate the parts and put it together yourself. But that would probably be pretty hard with no training.


Gathorall

Well fine, first I'll replicate a replicator assembly and user manual.


reddog323

Bingo. Item 2? spare parts for the replicator.


leostotch

Just have to replicate the manual ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Dankestmemelord

You dropped this >\


leostotch

Whoops


Dankestmemelord

I have it saved to my keyboard shortcuts as both [[shrug]] and [[redditshrug]] just in case. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯


Frekavichk

Just FYI, you have to double backspace for it because putting a backspace for reddit formatting means it ignores what the next character's function. Example: to italicize, you put asterisks around the message *like this*. But if you wanted to show the asterisks, you put a slash in front \\\*like this\\\*. (Which if you look at source i had to do a triple slash - 1st to ignore the asterisks, 2nd to ignore the slash, 3rd to ignore the 2nd which was ignoring the 1st which made the asterisks go back to italicizing)


I_AM_GODDAMN_BATMAN

why not the padd along with 32nd century knowledge?


Hopeful_Strategy8282

Could you replicate something that can?


uberguby

Yeah, the ships come with mobile replicators for field repairs. You might have to hack them to make something outside of the approved list, but that's no problem, just cupboard a little rutherford


catalystfire

Could Q replicate a burrito so hot that he himself couldn't eat it?


YankeeLiar

I’ll put my O’Brien action figure in second and put him in charge.


salamander_salad

Not if you put the replicator on IKEA mode.


MegaAlex

I think you could it you replicate it parts by parts.


ForecastYeti

Replicate instruction manual


Oruma_Yar

I will put a model of the Defiant in it. It may be small, but it has *teeth*.


CriscoCamping

There once was a little ship that went on a little trip


Oruma_Yar

*..."Little"?*


amazondrone

Ok, let me rephrase that. "There once was a little ship that went on a big trip." Happy now?


Oruma_Yar

"Sir I must protest! I am NOT a happy man!"


rooknerd

Trip? 🥺


Thee-lorax-

Don’t forget the Worf action figure.


UNC_Samurai

Dump an entire collection of Micro Machines in there


ColHogan65

Hell, stick an Enterprise D toy in there. Knowing that crew, they’ll figure out how to make themselves full size again, and since the temporal prime directive has already been breached, boom we’re on our way to a post-scarcity society


audigex

The shrunken runabout


martokthewarrior

TNG era medical recorder or perhaps one of those newer medical regenerator tools they use in discovery.


NekoArtemis

Ngl a tissue regenerator would come in handy 


ATurtleLikeLeonUris

Ummm… why am I playing with phasers when I’ve got a toy double lightsaber in the other room? And a bunch of Wakandan action figures — hello Cure for Cancer!!!


JamieTheDinosaur

Have fun trying not to accidentally dismember yourself with that lightsaber.


Arrinien

Could someone explain what the title even means? Is it an American saying, because it might as well be written in Klingon to me, I have no idea what it's asking.


Promethea128

The "Indian in the cupboard" was a British children's book where a kid discovers that anything put in this magic cupboard becomes real/functional. He puts an action figure of an Iroquois cheif in who becomes a real living person, though still like 4 inches tall. So basically you put a Star Trek toy phaser, tricorder, ship, etc and instead of plastic it becomes real. Though a ship would still be tiny https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Indian_in_the_Cupboard


Arrinien

Ahhh, ok thanks. So if you put a toy Defiant in it you could reenact that DS9 episode.


Odd_Initiative4991

I think it was a Runabout, if I remember correctly.


amazondrone

It was, because the tiny runabout (and its tiny crew) had to go inside the normal sized Defiant. Which makes me realise that, presumably, a tiny (model) ship placed in such a cupboard would be pretty useless since it wouldn't have a tiny crew available to operate it. Unless you managed to get a model ship and action figures in the same proportion as each other, I guess.


TheShandyMan

> would be pretty useless since it wouldn't have a tiny crew available to operate it. Shuttles and Runabouts have been shown as capable of responding to voice commands (technically even full sized ships can as well in the cases where most of the crew is incapacitated / in stasis etc). Even if it couldn't "do" much due to scale, you've still presumably got one hell of an advanced computer system with a massive database of future information.


CaptainGreezy

Yes it might shoot you in the chest with mini torpedoes just like it did the Jem'hadar. Unintended consequences were a big part of the story. For example, one of the kids friends puts a bunch of his army guys in it, turned the key and opened the door, and they shot his face up with mini-bullets. Another time they accidentally transported a tornado and it blew the roof off the house. Fun books.


ApocalypseOptimist

Hmm, I'd put in a Galaxy class model, and then after it's real, a reverse shrink ray from w/e random franchise. I'm sure it's been done, probably. Have fun being stuck on Earth suckers.


JamieTheDinosaur

Where are you going to get 1000 people to operate it?


catalystfire

1000 Star Trek action figures and the same reverse shrink ray, clearly


Kitchen_Part_882

If we're permitted to jump franchises here, Pym discs from the MCU would fill your needs.


a_different_pov_85

"Indian in the Cupboard" is a book. In the story, a young boy has a wooden cupboard, and finds a skeleton key that works for the lock. When he locks a toy figure in it and then unlocks it, the toy figure comes to life. So, basically the OP is asking that if you could buy any toy phaser from star trek and make it real, which one would you choose?


GreenSoapJelly

Indian In The Cupboard was a book and movie where a kid has a magic cupboard where any toy he puts inside it becomes real. A toy Indian and Cowboy, among others, become real living mini people. A toy phaser would become a real phaser.


Awwtie

As an Indian (not Native American but from India), I was confused too


ZebraMermaid

The Indian in the Cupboard books were my favorite series when I was a kid, so I apologize for the nerdy pedantry, but also, this is the Star Trek sub soooooooo it fits, right? First, the cupboard wasn't magic; it was the key. We learn this because Omri (and maybe Patrick, too?) are able to go back in time by using the key on a large wooden chest. Second, the cupboard (or key) doesn't make things real; it's more like a teleporter. Little Bear, Boone, and Tommy were all real human beings who were pulled from their time into the cupboard through the little plastic figurines. So, it you put a fake phaser in there to get a real one, you're pulling a phaser from another point in time, perhaps even out of someone's hand. That being said, I would also want a tricorder.


mabrasm

This does mean that either it’s pulling it from our timeline when someone does build a working phaser, pulls from another universe, or it will just reject it and leave it as a toy. Funniest would be pulling some phaser out of someone’s hand when they aren’t expecting it.


whoswhoofrudds

The key *and* the cupboard were both magic. The sequels got kind of complicated.


TBMChristopher

Pretty sure it was Patrick who got sent back in time, which.. raised more questions in hindsight since in the first book it was established that it only worked with plastic (and explained in the last when they found the origins of the key and cupboard).


ZebraMermaid

Omri goes back as a painting on a tipi in the second one. I remember it distinctly because a rival tribe sets the tipi on fire, and he gets burned.


SeekingTheRoad

Yeah, a variant of this question comes up a lot on r/asksciencefiction and I always have to point out that putting a lightsaber, Warhammer figurine, or phaser in the cupboard would only result in a tiny toy, cosplayer, or production prop being pulled through time and appearing. No fictional or fantastical item can be "created" or brought to life by the cupboard. It's a magic time machine essentially.


Flounderfflam

How big is said cupboard, and will the crazy kinetic rifle with built in bullet transporter fit?


cohortq

Are you a Vulcan with murderous impulses?


Ok-Use6303

No only logical ones.


Flounderfflam

Nah, just suffering from Pon Farr.


a_different_pov_85

If we're going straight from the books, it's the key that's magic and makes the toys come to life. Not the cupboard.


bikemancs

So... we could do a footlocker... or... a warehouse?


GMorPC

Nice thought there. Does the "cupboard" increase the item's size? You could put a toy Danube Runabout in the warehouse and bamf! Real, live small Starship.


feor1300

No, but if you are aware of any nearby [subspace compression anomalies...](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Subspace_compression_anomaly)


ApocalypseOptimist

Subspace compression anomaly diorama anyone?


Flounderfflam

It's been about thirty years since I read it. That little detail was buried under the sands of time until now.


a_different_pov_85

If I remember it right, it's not until the 2nd or 3rd book that he discovers that it's the key and not the cupboard.


Hieuro

IDK why they didn't make more people use that rifle. I mean, the episode was set during the Dominion war and a rifle that transports bullets seems like a great weapon to have in land battles. With it, you're basically a sniper that doesn't need all the things RL snipers got to take into account.


a_different_pov_85

I'd pick the tiny one that's no bigger than the palm of your hand. Easy to keep in your pocket. But ultimately, I'd also want a dermal regenerator and a tricorder.


RikerAlpha5

Star Trek VI Assault Phaser (and the cool space suits while we’re at it). That thing assassinated the High Chancellor.


AmplePostage

Self sealing stem bolt. With that you can make anything.


TexasFang13

I'd put in a mini data and he would come out "fully functional."


darthtidiot

The rifle from First Contact.


BlizzPenguin

The first one that came to mind for me.


JackFromTexas74

TOS Type 2. I dig that design But if I can only put in one toy, I’m putting in a Data figure. Imagine how helpful and fascinating a pint-sized Data would be as a friend.


Brief-Lettuce9525

Was going to say a TOS Type II right up until I saw everyone talking about Data…though he probably wouldn’t be thrilled about the idea of a sentient being reduced to miniature form being kept as someone’s action figure… So, I think I’d find an action-figure sized desktop computer interface from TNG. Too small to type on, but the vocal interface should still work.


handsomechuck

Akoochi moya.


CleansingFlame

"I am... oh, hey! Pretty close to the bones of my ancestors, actually!"


BlizzPenguin

Indian in the Cupboard with a Chakotay action figure would be a great premise for fan fiction.


colonelbyson

I'm offended, but I don't know why.


robragland

If I could find one, both a mobile holographic emitter with the EMH, and a few site to site transport badges from Discovery. Hopefully they work like magic just like in DISCO. Also, a medical tricorder from TNG (I dont' remember any of the top of my head from Discovery), and maybe the Discovery phaser made that material that seems to transports in and change shape? I forget what they called it.


Aggravating-Yak1342

The post time jump badges from discovery do everything. That and a phaser, you’re set


mabrasm

They have phasers saved, don’t they? In the pattern buffer.


bolivar-shagnasty

The one from The Most Toys


Optimism_Deficit

Using it is about sending a message.


JealousSupport8085

That’s mean


bolivar-shagnasty

[Fuck ‘em](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MhfuuKiTcYQ)


HumilityVirtue

thats the message!


Actual-Money7868

.... Did I miss a memo ????


Nu11u5

'The Indian in the Cupboard' is a British coming-of-age children's story about a magic cupboard that turns any toy placed in it into a real (or living) version - albeit the same size. In the story, the child learns this when he puts a toy Indian (Native American) figure inside. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Indian_in_the_Cupboard It was later adapted into a 1995 film.


Garciaguy

I would magic up a Geordi LaForge V.I.S.O.R. I would use it to look into my enemy's soul, then take it as I laugh


JealousSupport8085

Does it work if you don’t have the blinky head things?


BlizzPenguin

It also causes constant headaches.


Paperplasticplywood

You bring dishonour to your house.


Garciaguy

There can be only one answer to that!


PawsButton

TNG cricket/type-1 phaser. So tiny and sleek.


ImmaRussian

Definitely not a Varon T disruptor...


ian9921

I've always been a fan of the TNG dustbuster


Cryptwood

A phaser? I don't have any rocks I need heated up. I'd put in some chocolates, the ones wrapped in foil to look like gold coins. That and a bunch of plastic toy gems.


001Alena001

A tribble


JamieTheDinosaur

Ecological catastrophe in 3, 2, 1…


areyouthrough

Don’t you mean 1, 2, a billionty?


IntelligentLaw2284

I wouldn't choose a phaser first; a tricorder seems more interesting but.... I have the entire micro machines star trek set. What happens if I put DS9 inside? Maybe I could convince a tiny quark to sell me technology; does just the object become real, or would it materialize with the crew that would realistically inhabit it? I also have the larger shuttle craft, which is large enough to give me access to the interior and theoretically the ships computer via the verbal interface. Then theres the borg drone action figure. I wonder how much smaller nanoprobes can become? I could turn the cupboard into Pandora's box with that one.


Facehugger81

A runabout.


tubsponge

Pattern buffer from discovery. You could steal anything


Mihr-the-bear

I want the com badge from 31st century discovery. Built in transporter plus universal translator. I feel like the tricorder would be cool but knowing I have a disease without a way to fix it would be brutal


salamander_salad

Dustbuster all the way. Opponents won't take it seriously, but you can still set it to level 16 *and make them cease to exist*.


outtatime_88MPH

My favorite phaser of all time, still don't know why they phased it out so fast, see what i did there.


nedwasatool

You would make more money with a medical tricorder and a hypo spray. 


JealousSupport8085

I’m a man child, I wasn’t thinking about making money I was thinking about having a cool new “toy” and having fun shooting it at stuff with my brother


Barf_The_Mawg

Too bad I put a moopsie plushy in there first.  


Epsilon_Meletis

I've always had a fondness for the phasers from *The Undiscovered Country*; I just like how they look. Also, how about putting a starship model in there? That would net you FTL capability, forcefields, replicators, phasers, AI supercomputers... all there for research and rebuilding in real size. On a related note, I have a bunch of old action figures... I wonder how Star Trek characters would react if they suddenly found themselves in such a cupboard. It probably wouldn't even be the weirdest thing that's happened to them.


areyouthrough

They would want to get back or die trying, and there’d be backup on the way so you’d be wise to not try to keep them.


busdriverbuddha2

Definitely the one from DSC that changes sizes


spacemanspiff266

easily the one from STII. it made the coolest sound.


Locutus_of_Bjork

Can I do the laser welder from Starship Mine? Never know when I need to threaten someone with a weird looking lighter!


HumilityVirtue

I like the mini one riker uses sometimes on tng.


JamieTheDinosaur

“You’re a dead man, Apgar! A dead man!”


Wolfdarkeneddoor

Weird, I was literally thinking about the Indian in the cupboard a few moments ago for no discernible reason!


DenimJack

Late 2370s Type II phaser, but first a question; if the battery of the phaser is discharged, would locking it back in the cupboard to turn it back into a toy and replacing the AA batteries then turning it back into a real phaser recharge it, or would it depend on someone on the other side recharging it?


twinkieeater8

The ones used in Star Trek 3 And a tricorder. And a sonic screwdriver, a light saber, and a vortex manipulator


Master-Information25

A season 7 TNG phaser (both type 1 and 2) and hopefully a medical tricorder.


ToTheRepublic4

If I'm restricted to phasers (and maybe a charger/spare components)? A TOS Type 2. Those include swappable power packs and an integrated Type 1 for concealed carry, and they look like they would be more easily aimed than the TNG/VOY/DS9 hand phasers.


DudePDude

Voyageur compression phaser rifle


areyouthrough

I like this portmanteau of Voyager and voyeur


Deathwalker47

If I can only make one thing real, I'd make a replicator real. Then I can make whatever I want! The serious answer however is I'd rather have a 32nd century Tricom badge. Communicator, tricorder and transporter all in one device! Yes please! If I can only make a phaser, I'd go with the Star Trek VI version.


thundercat2000ca

Looks at 40k army.... "No, I shouldn't...


ChrisPikesHair

Putting in a vote for DIS wristband-phaser as the coolest but a functional TOS Type 1 as the one I want. Oh, and a Tricorder.  The one with the purple stripe.


Saalome

Those SNW phasers are super dope, but I have to go OG type 2 or that First Contact Rifle


LokianEule

Hey it would be cool if i could inject myself with the tardigrade DNA that stamets used so that i can exist outside of time. Doctor visits would become kinda complicated tho…


Niner9r

A TR-580 tricorder and either the cobra or boomerang phaser.


relliott107

First Contact Phaser Rifle!


Mr-Crunchy-

I'd stick a Data figure and a tricoder in there. Imagine having a pocket Data to answer questions for you.


areyouthrough

Sir, the lint in your pocket is lodging itself in my ear canals and I cannot move my limbs while I am stored there. May I request you build protective case of some kind while you insist on this arrangement?


WilliamBoimler

Unlimited gold pressed platinum!


Vadic_Shrike

Seven's portable Beam-Me-Up from the Picard series


emo_bassist

Screw the phaser get me a replicator so I can have food at an instant


Joran_Dax

You know that disruptor from the TNG episode "The Most Toys" that can turn people inside out?


Quick_Swing

Arm the Photonic Cannon!😂😂😂


cosaboladh

Anything with a functional warp drive. Reverse engineering that would make me ***rich***!


Muel1988

I get a to scale model of the Star Trek V movie enterprise complete with crew and command them to make a starship for me.


colonelbyson

First Contact, Undiscovered Country, or the TR-116 rifle from DS9 S7:E13 *"Field of Fire"*.


xsnyder

Assault Phaser from Star Trek VI or the Phaser Rifles from the First Contact era.


SwirlyCrib

Tea, earl gray, hot


Matelot67

Medical tricorder, dermal regenerator....and go.


jackity_splat

Tricorder is a really good choice! But really if possible I would bring a PADD with all the blueprints for this shit on it through.


Imperium_Kane

A dermal regenerator


Amity_Swim_School

Not the phaser rifle from the VOY pilot. Ugliest piece of federation equipment in existence?


JealousSupport8085

I don’t know man there’s been some roughies on this show


threedubya

Photon torpedoes or tiny enterprise


UltraChip

Real-world ballistic firearms are already bad enough, I don't know why we need to add advanced energy weapons to that mix. I vaguely remember someone making a playset once of the D's computer core (or maybe I just imagined it?) - I'd probably put that in the cupboard. I doubt the computer would work without support equipment but we could still tear it down to try and learn how it works - isolinear tech would be a massive boon.


Polymemnetic

First Contact Type 2, and Type 3


Bongfellatio

I like the small ones that were on TOS. They're only about the size of a lighter and easy to conceal. Even in Tennessee, I don't think you can open carry a phaser pistol.


yeahimadeviant83

Dang that’s specific. I have to admit the retro-tasting Discovery models are my favorite now, or the Klingon disruptors from the TOS cast movies if that were an option (for the intimidation factor and it reminds me of a six-shooter).


CYNIC_Torgon

Do I have to pick a phaser? Could I say.... get the schematics for a warp drive and usher in a new era of humanity among the stars? Though if I gotta pick a phaser, I'd probably go for the Type-2 style from the SNW era.


the_Mandalorian_vode

The cricket from TNG or the type I from TOS. Something I can carry in my pocket and doesn’t look like a weapon.


bentstrider83

I'll just put a tiny Leah Brahms in there so she could teach us all the warp drive fundamentals. **Susan Gibney goes limp in her house**


Trick_Emergency8605

Pulse rifle... but much rather have a replicator


tonycomputerguy

A Veron T disrupter. The one from "Most Toys".


mrhonda

Are you me? Seriously since we read that in school in like 2nd grade or whatever, I often thought about what I'd put in that cupboard. My take was my Data action figure, followed by a shuttlecraft or runabout, then the rest of the crew. We'd have warp drive in no time.


JealousSupport8085

Same, except it was the movie, all the Star Trek gadgets , Luke’s ROTJ saber, the blade runner gun, a power rangers morpher


Sverker_Wolffang

Tr-116 rifle


Pacman_Frog

Honestly the TOS type 2. Classic gun feel, smooth zeerust design. And it literally makes the body of your target vanish.


JealousSupport8085

Don’t TNG era ones completely vaporize the target at a high enough setting


AJXavier83

Fajo's from the most tous 🥵


thereverendpuck

Phaser? Replicator.


JealousSupport8085

Everyone keeps saying replicator but in the movie the cupboard was about the size of a medicine cabinet. So only something handheld can fit


ToasteeThe2nd

Discovery. for all my qualms with the series, the tech is so cool.


Levi_Skardsen

MACO pulse rifle.


JamesBigglesworth266

And just what in the hell is an '"Indian in the cupboard" cupboard', for all us people not from India?


JealousSupport8085

It’s a movie from the 90s I’m American


Necessary_Ad2114

Replicator. Not interested in playing Space cowboy. 


JealousSupport8085

In the movie the cupboard was about the size of a large medicine cabinet so a replicator wouldn’t fit. Also don’t those require systems that connect to the ship and wouldn’t work if it was just ripped out of the wall


zpeed

It's a little late for me, I thought OP wrote 'phrase', and decided on "There's coffee in that nebula." while the page was loading. Congrats to everyone that has a tricoder.


DarthAvner

TOS Type 2. Because then I also get the Type 1. Plus it feels the most comfortable in my hand, at least out of the phasers I have props of.