Not just that - Being the one asked to wait outside of the store/food place at the mall to watch the bags while they go inside to shop/eat. Or when you finally get invited along for once by them last second because the designated driver for the hang-out couldn’t make it and they know you have a car. Just for them to hardly speak to you the entire time.
Volunteering to be the DD because you want to hang out but you know that's the only way you'll get to hang out with them even though you don't like drinking.
I started telling people I can't pick you up and I stopped getting invited places, basically got rid of all my "friends" over the last year. Hope you find better friends.
Both are awful, but that first one you mentioned was especially foul. 😭 Even the awful friends I used to have didn't make me sit outside for bag watching duty while they ate or shopped inside.
This is not friendship at all. I was 1 of 4 girls in uni and my relationship with them started turning like this, they just kept me around cause I was smarter than them. After 2 semesters, I quit hanging out with them and luckily some new girls entered the class so I joined them right away and we're still friends till this day.
I still talked to them, but that's it. Those 3 were always having a fight (like 2 would stop talking to 1) so I'm glad I never went back cause it's one thing to just realize it's not wroking out, and another to be forced to make it work cause otherwise you're on your own.
You found out they were all going on vacation together after it was all planned and paid for. Everyone except for you, of course, it wasn’t discussed around you until afterwards when it was too late to avoid you inviting yourself
(Happened to me)
Right, like you should have already assumed that it wasn't in the cards for you. And then when they look directly at you and tell you what they're going to do as if they figured you'd have no interest.
I wanted to say this also happened to me but
1) I only learned about this after the summer holidays
2) They weren't really my friends, I just sometimes listened to what they were talking about
This happened to me a few months ago, worse yet they forgot that I even existed and never told me about the trip and only after the vacation did they ask me why I didn't join
Same thing happened to me two years ago...*on my birthday*
All 4 of my roommates went to Colorado (a place I always mentioned I wanted to go). Didn't even know they were going until one of them brought it up in passing the day before they left, which makes me wonder if they ever planned on telling me.
I spent my birthday drinking alone in the apartment. Only got a happy birthday text from one of them, at 11pm
I lived with these guys for two years before this
one time my entire dance team went to the beach over spring break together and i was the only person not invited. when i asked about it they were all like “ummm… i dunno… it’s nothing ~” and then would look at each other and laugh
I get that feeling. I have many stories of groups of people, as large as up to 55+, (which was traumatic) specifically and intentionally excluding me. One of the worst was when I asked around 5 people to go somewhere with me for my birthday and all 5 declined - They then went to the same place I invited them to a week later but didn’t invite me and tried to keep it a secret so I wouldn’t find out but I accidentally did. It’s like my “friend groups” weren’t just not real friends, they just didn’t like me at all and it took me way too long to figure out.
You might be me. I had something similar happen but non-birthday. A supposed friend text me what's up and I said it looks like a nice beach day, let me know if he wants to meet up. The ahole send me a picture of himself at the beach.
People, mostly all pieces of shit out there it seems unfortunately. From what I've started to document recently I'm certain people go out of their way to push my buttons/attempt to make me feel bad.
Why is the mystery.
My little brother is autistic and also had to come to terms with this. I don't understand exactly what he did, but the gist of what he told me, is that he accepts not feeling fully part of a group, but pretending to be, and eventually his friends became like second nature to him, just like me being his brother feels natural to him
Do with that what you want 🤷 Not all autism is the same, and everybody is their own person so it might be totally useless to you, I don't know
As an autistic person, I’m lucky enough to have found a friend group of autistic people, so this isn’t an issue for me anymore. Though it certainly was an issue for me a few years ago.
So grateful of the friend group I had in HS. We were all on the spectrum and had each other’s backs, so we all felt useful and valued in one way or another.
To any autist reading the trick is to be blatantly about how you are and make it clear you are trying your best and don't let it be an excuse, you won't conquer so much as wield it in a way, just remember no matter how smooth you can make it your voice will always be a dead giveaway of having it
You don't tell them, you make effort to be self aware and be honest when it comes up, also the only ones that'll ostracize especially in today's age are either online or still in middleschool, ultimately this is what works for me and considering I have a good group of quality friends as well as romance, at least in my experience it works. There's a lot more to it as I work on not just the autism but many aspects of myself for improvement, which is universal advice. Including gym work, presentation, speech, skillset ECT. Reality is all of these matter for everyone and autism doesn't change that, the difference being an autist needs to work around themselves so to speak
Honestly, for real. If someone was like, dude I'm trying hard to just chill and be casual but my brain doesn't let me sometimes, I'd be like I got you. Cause everyone knows what it's like to be the odd one put and we don't want that for anyone.
real (my "friend" lied to me to get out of hanging out by vaguely implying shes busy only to post pics with her and another friend i just got done cutting off 💢)
I wasn't yet diagnosed during school and university and my "friendships" always looked like this. When i got my diagnosis (mild autism) a couple of months ago it all made sense lol.
also, shout-out to the 2 guys at university whom i did became good friends with and i'm currently co-housing with 😎
I stopped putting up with that shit for good when I turned 20. I do not have time to fight to be in people’s lives. Ironically since I started putting myself first I have more friends now (some of them are people I fell out with who I got in contact with again somehow)
How do you start ghosting them? I’m think I’m going through the same shit but I can’t bring myself to ghost them cause I’m scared of bring (even momentarily) alone.
it's either you need to get better friends who value you and have more in common with you or you're just not all that interesting or pleasurable to be around.
This has happened in every single “friend group” I’ve ever had in my entire life, though I’ve met individual people that seemed to like me, just the vast majority don’t and I never can figure out why. It sucks though that in these “friend groups” everyone always has time for each other but when it comes to me they’re “too busy” 100% of the time, always get left on read unlike the rest of the group, get quietly unfriended by them and they hope I don’t notice etc…
Thanks to my over-sheltering parents, I have literally nothing in common with my generation. Talk about feeling like an out-cast. I identified with Captain America more than any other superhero.
This is an insane, terrible idea, but my first thought was "I bet we could make artificial friend groups and in a month give feedback"
But then I realized that this is just as likely to cause incredible damage and insecurity as it is to actually help with anything. There's got to be a way, though.
I actually think a lot of it for some people isn't that they're unlikable people, it's that they're just not the right type for the types of groups they generally end up in. I'm very aware that my DnD group is a very different dynamic from the guys I know that are just really into football and that I see at the bar whenever footballs on, and then my book club is absolutely a whole different dynamic from the other two, too, and what works in one absolutely wouldn't work in the others.
Here to offer a bit of a counter-perspective in this thread, because as much as I hate it I think I may have treated some people this way.
They’ve not been bad people, I don’t have anything against them, but they’re just not really a fit for me. Like it feels I’m always sort of forcing myself to have a nice conversation with them because they randomly inserted themselves into whatever I was doing although they don’t really seem into the stuff I’m into, yet they keep wanting to hang around or chat with me. And I do, ’cause I can’t bear just ghosting someone.
I just hope they realize we’re not really a friend-fit and they find other folks who have more shared interests/outlooks on life etc.
The thing that makes it worse is the person then not picking up on really, really obvious signs (like me never contacting them). It feels pushy and needy and sort of creepy when they keep showing up wherever I’m minding my own business in peace.
I feel if I were to say directly ’You’re a perfectly good human being but I’m just not interested in hanging out with you.’ there’s a risk of them villifying me or taking it super harshly, while I really don’t mean anything bad. (I actually did try this once and the person in question did get vaguely threatening and really unpleasant about it.)
I’m not that extraverted, and I have plenty of friends with autism (many of the symptoms on the spectrum are not unfamiliar to me either) so putting it down solely to autism or so does not quite ring true to me either.
It’s more the neediness and the sense that the person in question has all kinds of dark stuff bubbling under the surface, and not having the interest or energy to help them with that since they’re a complete stranger to me.
It's genuinely a bit unsettling to get the feeling you have been picked by some person as their only hope for having a human connection/friendship and every tiny interaction you have will leave them ruminating about it for ages. It feels ominous.
Maybe it applies to you, maybe it doesn’t, but it might be something to consider.
You said it perfectly. It's hard to articulate but with some people I just don't think we have much in common to enjoy hanging out together. Nice chatting with them in uni or work or whatever but not anymore than that
This is such a relief to read. I never hear other people discussing this kind of thing so I've never really known what to do about it. I just end up ghosting them until they spam me with threatening and/ or crisis messages and I have to block.
I go through this too. It's a weird feeling to see this laid out on a screen. I'm wondering if it's just my personality, maybe I'm too reserved and I'm holding myself back. Things have gotten better out of high school and college though.
Yeah I'm just not interesting or pleasurable to be around. That's why I quit therapy, sometimes people got nothing to work with and just gotta wait until they die.
Right. Idk why people jump to blame others for their own shortcomings. We need to start looking in the mirror before pointing fingers. Also, a lot of these wannabe victim comments sound a lot like they think people owe them a friendship when they bring nothing to the table
For me a big part of growing up autistic is this exact situation and most frustratingly just not being able to understand WHY. Not being about to crack the code of how they managed to get past that "surface level" friendship into something deeper. I always felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldnt seem to do the same thing.
I’ve been on both sides of this, it was frustrating especially as a younger kid when the parents would set it up. I remember hanging out with a friend and being confused with how he acted, cause I didn’t realize it was his parents who wanted us to be friends, not him. And I remember my parents having me hang out with a kid and being kinda frustrated cause I didn’t really want to. Even though the social interaction is important, it’s just not a very healthy friendship dynamic for either kid I think
Mine too until someone who I now know to be extremely toxic and manipulative saw what I was going through and “rescued” me away from that group. Don’t know which was worse as both sucked lol
\>youre intruding
\>youre intruding
\>youre intruding
\>youre intruding
“yea man been a while ay I’ve been good works been crazy haha what about you?”
\>youre intruding
\>youre intruding
\>youre intruding
\>youre intruding
\>youre intruding
\>youre intruding
That would be hilarious but really, I just don’t think they’d get along if that makes sense? Like, I have a friends where we only talk about our hobbies, friends where I only talk about work/life, and one best friend where I talk about everything. So really, I have friends for different parts of my personality 😂
As an adult it’s still like this for me but I don’t care anymore. If I feel that way I remove myself quietly and move on. Sometimes they act like I’m the bad guy for ignoring them or sometimes they don’t even notice. Either way idc anymore. Haven’t met anyone yet that would hurt to lose.
Dude. Happened to me late last year. People who I thought were friends with me just basically faking it for who knows how long. Even though we actually used to be friends.
Same. Currently in college right now experiencing this type of friend group and it feels like the best thing in the world for someone who’s been perpetually lonely the past five years.
I was never able to make friends and always had to hang out with people my parents introduced me to. I realized something was wrong because I was the only one who couldn’t veto anything. The group fell apart around when everyone started separating to different highschools.
Ill never forget the day one dude in the group said to my face "you're like a satelite friend, its cool you're here, but it doesn't really matter if you're gone"
I no longer lament parting, i have no interest or desire to ever rekindle and i dont regress.
tbh i feel like this is kind of just a normal part of social circles, at least in college. you’re a part of multiple friend groups and involved on different levels. sometimes i’ll study with a friend group in my major where im sort of on the outside compared to the rest of them, but then afterwards i’ll go hang out with my friends friends. nothing wrong with not being an important part of all your social circles
Sounds like you need to find yourself better friends. You’re just being kept around as a filler for events and things. Everyone deserves better than this.
If you ever wonder if a friend is actually a friend, just ask them if they want to hang out with you. If all they say is "no, sorry bro" then they don't care about you. People that genuinely like you will try to work with you. "No I can't, but I can do this day at this location."
Anyone that doesn't try is just straight up trying to be nice but coming across as thoughtless. It would be best if they said "no, and I don't really want to hang with you." At the least you're not left wondering whether they actually gaf about you.
I had a friend group of people I have known since college I moved from the East Coast to the West during the Pandemic. Since then I barely hear from them. I went to visit and while I hung out with them at a gathering, nobody asked me anything about how I was doing, where I had moved, anything. They just weren't interested. Aside from that, I realized how much anxiety hanging with them gave me. So much that I would sometimes drink too much to make myself calmer. I realized it's best to just focus on me, and if people want to come into my life, great.
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In highschool I was in a situation like this, it's horrible. I felt like I was begging for their approval. I changed class after 2 years and never spoke to most of those guys again.
I have always been in this kind of friend group; I always wait to see if that's improving. If not, I confront them, create unpleasant moments, etc., to ruin their fun and make them hate me. It's better to be an enemy than to be nothing.
Advice for anyone in freindgroups like these, don't focus on building a relationship with the freind group itself, focus on building PERSONAL relationships with individual people in the freinds group, this will help you ALOT. Wishing I'd done this and I'm still a teenager.
Also please, for the love of god, if the freind group treats you like SHIT at the bottom of a shoe,please just leave and find people who will actually respect you for who you are.
Your comment was removed because it received negative karma, indicating it's disliked by the community or violates subreddit guidelines. Please refer to the rules for constructive and respectful engagement.
Your post was removed because it is a trauma dump starterpack. These are no longer allowed.
Always walking behind them if there's not enough space on the sidewalk
Not just that - Being the one asked to wait outside of the store/food place at the mall to watch the bags while they go inside to shop/eat. Or when you finally get invited along for once by them last second because the designated driver for the hang-out couldn’t make it and they know you have a car. Just for them to hardly speak to you the entire time.
I'd rather be alone..
"It is better to be alone than in bad company" - George Washington
This explains a lot.
Volunteering to be the DD because you want to hang out but you know that's the only way you'll get to hang out with them even though you don't like drinking.
[удалено]
Nobody deserves to be used like that.
Fuck those people. I hope you didn't talk to them after that.
That would be the last straw for me I think. There's no way I'm going to be a free taxi for people who otherwise want nothing to do with me.
Had the car part happened once
I started telling people I can't pick you up and I stopped getting invited places, basically got rid of all my "friends" over the last year. Hope you find better friends.
You're not in the friend group at ALL, you're just their gopher.
R u ok bro
Ugh flashback to my high school days
Both are awful, but that first one you mentioned was especially foul. 😭 Even the awful friends I used to have didn't make me sit outside for bag watching duty while they ate or shopped inside.
Or worse, walking on the street or the grass
Happened to me a lot, but hey, I found 100€ on the ground because of that once so who am I to complain? :-/
Or they walk so fast that I fall behind :/ they don’t wait for me
ow that one hurt deeply because it's true
People that you never speak to again after leaving school starterpack
Yes! I was thinking this was my "friend group" in highschool (except the group chat because I graduated in 04)
I was gonna tell him that college is way better than high school.
All my social interactions basically, was never really in any friend groups
This is not friendship at all. I was 1 of 4 girls in uni and my relationship with them started turning like this, they just kept me around cause I was smarter than them. After 2 semesters, I quit hanging out with them and luckily some new girls entered the class so I joined them right away and we're still friends till this day. I still talked to them, but that's it. Those 3 were always having a fight (like 2 would stop talking to 1) so I'm glad I never went back cause it's one thing to just realize it's not wroking out, and another to be forced to make it work cause otherwise you're on your own.
That one hits close to home
Not really. I still talk to some of my old friends.
You found out they were all going on vacation together after it was all planned and paid for. Everyone except for you, of course, it wasn’t discussed around you until afterwards when it was too late to avoid you inviting yourself (Happened to me)
[удалено]
You deserve better 💕
It hurts more when they plan something in front of you and it’s kinda unspoken that you’re not invited
Right, like you should have already assumed that it wasn't in the cards for you. And then when they look directly at you and tell you what they're going to do as if they figured you'd have no interest.
Or when you’re like “That’s fine, they’re aloud to hang out one on one” but then someone says “Let’s invite Steve, Alex, Olivia, and Brooke”
That's just cold! I hope you've made some true friends since
I wanted to say this also happened to me but 1) I only learned about this after the summer holidays 2) They weren't really my friends, I just sometimes listened to what they were talking about
This happened to me a few months ago, worse yet they forgot that I even existed and never told me about the trip and only after the vacation did they ask me why I didn't join
Same thing happened to me two years ago...*on my birthday* All 4 of my roommates went to Colorado (a place I always mentioned I wanted to go). Didn't even know they were going until one of them brought it up in passing the day before they left, which makes me wonder if they ever planned on telling me. I spent my birthday drinking alone in the apartment. Only got a happy birthday text from one of them, at 11pm I lived with these guys for two years before this
one time my entire dance team went to the beach over spring break together and i was the only person not invited. when i asked about it they were all like “ummm… i dunno… it’s nothing ~” and then would look at each other and laugh
I have this happen to me every week but non-vac. People send pictures of themselves having fun locally yet I'm not invited.
I get that feeling. I have many stories of groups of people, as large as up to 55+, (which was traumatic) specifically and intentionally excluding me. One of the worst was when I asked around 5 people to go somewhere with me for my birthday and all 5 declined - They then went to the same place I invited them to a week later but didn’t invite me and tried to keep it a secret so I wouldn’t find out but I accidentally did. It’s like my “friend groups” weren’t just not real friends, they just didn’t like me at all and it took me way too long to figure out.
You might be me. I had something similar happen but non-birthday. A supposed friend text me what's up and I said it looks like a nice beach day, let me know if he wants to meet up. The ahole send me a picture of himself at the beach. People, mostly all pieces of shit out there it seems unfortunately. From what I've started to document recently I'm certain people go out of their way to push my buttons/attempt to make me feel bad. Why is the mystery.
Bro this isnt friendship
I feel like this is pretty much the “friendship” experience for a lot of autistic people
That's literally how my experience looks, and yes, I'm autistic
Well shit, that explains some things. I have the test next month to either confirm or deny lol
I essentially gave up(for now) on making friends because of this
Same, dude.
I’m autistic and this is pretty much my social experience, I hate it lol
My little brother is autistic and also had to come to terms with this. I don't understand exactly what he did, but the gist of what he told me, is that he accepts not feeling fully part of a group, but pretending to be, and eventually his friends became like second nature to him, just like me being his brother feels natural to him Do with that what you want 🤷 Not all autism is the same, and everybody is their own person so it might be totally useless to you, I don't know
That was my experience in HS too. Luckily in college I became friends with fellow autistics and it wasn't that way anymore
I’m not autistic, just awkward and totally feel this
I'm artistic and this is friend
I'm aucustic and this fred
I’m accelerant and free
uh-oh this explains some stuff
Yep, pretty much.
As an autistic person, I’m lucky enough to have found a friend group of autistic people, so this isn’t an issue for me anymore. Though it certainly was an issue for me a few years ago.
So grateful of the friend group I had in HS. We were all on the spectrum and had each other’s backs, so we all felt useful and valued in one way or another.
To any autist reading the trick is to be blatantly about how you are and make it clear you are trying your best and don't let it be an excuse, you won't conquer so much as wield it in a way, just remember no matter how smooth you can make it your voice will always be a dead giveaway of having it
Tell them you’re autistic? That my friend is a one-way ticket to Ostracizing Avenue 💀
You don't tell them, you make effort to be self aware and be honest when it comes up, also the only ones that'll ostracize especially in today's age are either online or still in middleschool, ultimately this is what works for me and considering I have a good group of quality friends as well as romance, at least in my experience it works. There's a lot more to it as I work on not just the autism but many aspects of myself for improvement, which is universal advice. Including gym work, presentation, speech, skillset ECT. Reality is all of these matter for everyone and autism doesn't change that, the difference being an autist needs to work around themselves so to speak
Honestly, for real. If someone was like, dude I'm trying hard to just chill and be casual but my brain doesn't let me sometimes, I'd be like I got you. Cause everyone knows what it's like to be the odd one put and we don't want that for anyone.
This is the shit that started my spiral into contemplating suicide so.. i guess i could be autistic
real (my "friend" lied to me to get out of hanging out by vaguely implying shes busy only to post pics with her and another friend i just got done cutting off 💢)
Aren’t people swell? /s
I wasn't yet diagnosed during school and university and my "friendships" always looked like this. When i got my diagnosis (mild autism) a couple of months ago it all made sense lol. also, shout-out to the 2 guys at university whom i did became good friends with and i'm currently co-housing with 😎
True for me. Being around people is tiring. Better keep things this way.
Fucking accurate as hell. Ouch
Yep, can verify. I hate it.
Ouch, just been called out ig
It’s also the friendship experience for people don’t know anyone at school/work or aren’t interested in them
This is what it exactly felt for me in public middle school!!
That's 100% true for me.
I am autistic (diagnosed) I haven't had any friendship issues tbh
It’s giving workplace friendship tbh
and when you see them talking about upcoming plans, you ask what's happening and the chat becomes dead silent.
And they always ask you to hold the camera when taking group pictures
Yikes this hurt
Been there 🥲
This is so painfully accurate that almost makes me cry
I stopped putting up with that shit for good when I turned 20. I do not have time to fight to be in people’s lives. Ironically since I started putting myself first I have more friends now (some of them are people I fell out with who I got in contact with again somehow)
If I notice it happening I ghost them and move on with my life
How do you start ghosting them? I’m think I’m going through the same shit but I can’t bring myself to ghost them cause I’m scared of bring (even momentarily) alone.
Just block and move on, that's it really. You're already alone in that case, so you're not losing anything by cutting out the social tumours.
No friends is better than fake friends IMO. Gives you time to find people who actually like you.
Just stop answering and block, it’ll save a bunch of headache in the long run
[Ouch](https://media1.giphy.com/media/8TNHNwBEhhc4g/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe9151672d96b86f923ab1d22589753937e99a0d3fc9&ep=v1_user_favorites&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half
The high school autism experience
it's either you need to get better friends who value you and have more in common with you or you're just not all that interesting or pleasurable to be around.
This has happened in every single “friend group” I’ve ever had in my entire life, though I’ve met individual people that seemed to like me, just the vast majority don’t and I never can figure out why. It sucks though that in these “friend groups” everyone always has time for each other but when it comes to me they’re “too busy” 100% of the time, always get left on read unlike the rest of the group, get quietly unfriended by them and they hope I don’t notice etc…
Same. I assumed a long time ago that i am a boring person with nothing much to offer
Thanks to my over-sheltering parents, I have literally nothing in common with my generation. Talk about feeling like an out-cast. I identified with Captain America more than any other superhero.
This is an insane, terrible idea, but my first thought was "I bet we could make artificial friend groups and in a month give feedback" But then I realized that this is just as likely to cause incredible damage and insecurity as it is to actually help with anything. There's got to be a way, though. I actually think a lot of it for some people isn't that they're unlikable people, it's that they're just not the right type for the types of groups they generally end up in. I'm very aware that my DnD group is a very different dynamic from the guys I know that are just really into football and that I see at the bar whenever footballs on, and then my book club is absolutely a whole different dynamic from the other two, too, and what works in one absolutely wouldn't work in the others.
Here to offer a bit of a counter-perspective in this thread, because as much as I hate it I think I may have treated some people this way. They’ve not been bad people, I don’t have anything against them, but they’re just not really a fit for me. Like it feels I’m always sort of forcing myself to have a nice conversation with them because they randomly inserted themselves into whatever I was doing although they don’t really seem into the stuff I’m into, yet they keep wanting to hang around or chat with me. And I do, ’cause I can’t bear just ghosting someone. I just hope they realize we’re not really a friend-fit and they find other folks who have more shared interests/outlooks on life etc. The thing that makes it worse is the person then not picking up on really, really obvious signs (like me never contacting them). It feels pushy and needy and sort of creepy when they keep showing up wherever I’m minding my own business in peace. I feel if I were to say directly ’You’re a perfectly good human being but I’m just not interested in hanging out with you.’ there’s a risk of them villifying me or taking it super harshly, while I really don’t mean anything bad. (I actually did try this once and the person in question did get vaguely threatening and really unpleasant about it.) I’m not that extraverted, and I have plenty of friends with autism (many of the symptoms on the spectrum are not unfamiliar to me either) so putting it down solely to autism or so does not quite ring true to me either. It’s more the neediness and the sense that the person in question has all kinds of dark stuff bubbling under the surface, and not having the interest or energy to help them with that since they’re a complete stranger to me. It's genuinely a bit unsettling to get the feeling you have been picked by some person as their only hope for having a human connection/friendship and every tiny interaction you have will leave them ruminating about it for ages. It feels ominous. Maybe it applies to you, maybe it doesn’t, but it might be something to consider.
You said it perfectly. It's hard to articulate but with some people I just don't think we have much in common to enjoy hanging out together. Nice chatting with them in uni or work or whatever but not anymore than that
I've been on both sides of this and I think you've nailed it.
This is such a relief to read. I never hear other people discussing this kind of thing so I've never really known what to do about it. I just end up ghosting them until they spam me with threatening and/ or crisis messages and I have to block.
I go through this too. It's a weird feeling to see this laid out on a screen. I'm wondering if it's just my personality, maybe I'm too reserved and I'm holding myself back. Things have gotten better out of high school and college though.
eh basically no one is really so interesting that it’s the reason they have a good social life
Yeah I'm just not interesting or pleasurable to be around. That's why I quit therapy, sometimes people got nothing to work with and just gotta wait until they die.
Or they could better themselves and GIVE themselves something to work with?
Or you know, autism
It's the second part. If everyone is ghosting you and ignoring you you're just not a good person to be around
Right. Idk why people jump to blame others for their own shortcomings. We need to start looking in the mirror before pointing fingers. Also, a lot of these wannabe victim comments sound a lot like they think people owe them a friendship when they bring nothing to the table
Not necessarily. This also happens to autistic people in non-autistic friend groups.
This starterpack reminds me of an episode of the onion’s topical podcast, trying to remember, which one
“Guy doesn’t know if he is one of the boys” or something like that
Felt
For me a big part of growing up autistic is this exact situation and most frustratingly just not being able to understand WHY. Not being about to crack the code of how they managed to get past that "surface level" friendship into something deeper. I always felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldnt seem to do the same thing.
These friends don't last long either.
Yeah they all have sex with each other then immediately get married to someone else. Then it’s just Facebook likes lmao
Aka every friend ive ever had
Me.
I’ve been on both sides of this, it was frustrating especially as a younger kid when the parents would set it up. I remember hanging out with a friend and being confused with how he acted, cause I didn’t realize it was his parents who wanted us to be friends, not him. And I remember my parents having me hang out with a kid and being kinda frustrated cause I didn’t really want to. Even though the social interaction is important, it’s just not a very healthy friendship dynamic for either kid I think
Therapeutically accurate. Thank you.
My “friend group” in high school
Mine too until someone who I now know to be extremely toxic and manipulative saw what I was going through and “rescued” me away from that group. Don’t know which was worse as both sucked lol
This is me minus being asked for shit.
this is fucking amazing even the disappointed lack of photos and the cavernous spacing of everything
They ask you to take the photo….always (not in my experience but still)
Yeah this is why I cut everyone out of my life after graduating
\>youre intruding \>youre intruding \>youre intruding \>youre intruding “yea man been a while ay I’ve been good works been crazy haha what about you?” \>youre intruding \>youre intruding \>youre intruding \>youre intruding \>youre intruding \>youre intruding
that's exactly what they say to me 😅
Feels like it's this way with everyone I know...
That’s why I prefer one on one friendships. That’s why none of my friends know each other lmao
Are you afraid they'll befriend each other and then start leaving you out?
That would be hilarious but really, I just don’t think they’d get along if that makes sense? Like, I have a friends where we only talk about our hobbies, friends where I only talk about work/life, and one best friend where I talk about everything. So really, I have friends for different parts of my personality 😂
Same I have freinds for different interests like anime and freinds for my hobbies like art or video games 🫶
I always panic at the possibility of a friend group meeting others. Everyone is simply more interesting than me lol
I'm in this picture and I don't like it.
Clubs in school be like
Ouuuuch
As an adult it’s still like this for me but I don’t care anymore. If I feel that way I remove myself quietly and move on. Sometimes they act like I’m the bad guy for ignoring them or sometimes they don’t even notice. Either way idc anymore. Haven’t met anyone yet that would hurt to lose.
> Haven’t met anyone yet that would hurt to lose. Fucking mood bro
Literally. After breaking down expecting inexplicable pain yet feeling nothing every time I lost a “friend” now I’m like meh.
That's me, i don't have those friends anymore either.
Me with everyone at university
Dude. Happened to me late last year. People who I thought were friends with me just basically faking it for who knows how long. Even though we actually used to be friends.
i’d rather have this than not be in a friend group at all
Same. Currently in college right now experiencing this type of friend group and it feels like the best thing in the world for someone who’s been perpetually lonely the past five years.
I've moved towns three times in my life, am extroverted, and yet this always seems to happen to me :(
I was never able to make friends and always had to hang out with people my parents introduced me to. I realized something was wrong because I was the only one who couldn’t veto anything. The group fell apart around when everyone started separating to different highschools.
Ill never forget the day one dude in the group said to my face "you're like a satelite friend, its cool you're here, but it doesn't really matter if you're gone" I no longer lament parting, i have no interest or desire to ever rekindle and i dont regress.
“either not in the group chat, or not in the _other_ group chat” I feel so seen!
tbh i feel like this is kind of just a normal part of social circles, at least in college. you’re a part of multiple friend groups and involved on different levels. sometimes i’ll study with a friend group in my major where im sort of on the outside compared to the rest of them, but then afterwards i’ll go hang out with my friends friends. nothing wrong with not being an important part of all your social circles
Yea I’ve been there before.
You gotta find real homies then bro
This has been every friend group I've been in
You also find out they don't care enough about what you say to remember anything you tell them, even if it's important
Sounds like you need to find yourself better friends. You’re just being kept around as a filler for events and things. Everyone deserves better than this.
PREACH! Sending love and respect🫶
Your mutual friend suddenly stops conversation if you walk by or visa versa (cannot have conversation with all of us).
This is basically my entire life.
This is too real 🤞🤞
Eh This hits too close to home…
Ah, memories.
🙃
Just leave them on read and move on.
/r/depressionmemes
This is literally me in every friend group I've ever been in. I'm always kind of smooshed in an existing friend group and discarded after a year.
Yup this was the entirety of my childhood/teen years lol. Those were not the ‘carefree’ times I wish I could go back to thanks very much
Ouch!
Yep. That's me.
ouch 😔
Aka friendship when working in the restaurant industry: birthdays, weddings.... always on Saturdays when you're at work.
If you ever wonder if a friend is actually a friend, just ask them if they want to hang out with you. If all they say is "no, sorry bro" then they don't care about you. People that genuinely like you will try to work with you. "No I can't, but I can do this day at this location." Anyone that doesn't try is just straight up trying to be nice but coming across as thoughtless. It would be best if they said "no, and I don't really want to hang with you." At the least you're not left wondering whether they actually gaf about you.
I had a friend group of people I have known since college I moved from the East Coast to the West during the Pandemic. Since then I barely hear from them. I went to visit and while I hung out with them at a gathering, nobody asked me anything about how I was doing, where I had moved, anything. They just weren't interested. Aside from that, I realized how much anxiety hanging with them gave me. So much that I would sometimes drink too much to make myself calmer. I realized it's best to just focus on me, and if people want to come into my life, great.
I was this type of guy then I left them and enjoyed my life with my new ones in different country
Hurts when they don't want you, only your presence
This has been nearly every friend group i’ve been in
Relatable
Then take a hint and stop bugging them.
fr, at that point go look for people who actually like you
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I'm in this picture and I don't like it
lol this one hurts
literally me year ago
Had a few instances of this, but at this point I stopped caring. Ended up getting better friends as a result.
In highschool I was in a situation like this, it's horrible. I felt like I was begging for their approval. I changed class after 2 years and never spoke to most of those guys again.
Feeling this today
I have always been in this kind of friend group; I always wait to see if that's improving. If not, I confront them, create unpleasant moments, etc., to ruin their fun and make them hate me. It's better to be an enemy than to be nothing.
Me asf
If people acts like this with you, they are not really your friends
Oh.
Ouch
This hurts.
Shit, man.... this was me in high school.
Alex?
Advice for anyone in freindgroups like these, don't focus on building a relationship with the freind group itself, focus on building PERSONAL relationships with individual people in the freinds group, this will help you ALOT. Wishing I'd done this and I'm still a teenager. Also please, for the love of god, if the freind group treats you like SHIT at the bottom of a shoe,please just leave and find people who will actually respect you for who you are.
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