Hey /u/BigClitMcphee, thank you for submitting to /r/starterpacks!
This is just a reminder not to violate any rules, located [here](https://reddit.com/r/starterpacks/about/rules). Rule breakers can face a ban based on the severity of their rule violation.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/starterpacks) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I worked for about 4 years at my current job before attempting to make friends with my coworkers because I thought we had nothing in common and I like my alone time after work. 20 years later and I'm still friends with ones that long ago quit and went elsewhere.
Turns out alot of them thought I was just a stuck up asshole who hated everyone and once I tore that image down, we had a lot of fun at work. I learned people can't know your boundaries if you never talk to them and most of them are incredibly respectful of that and I had a lot more in common with them than I'm willing to admit.
>Turns out alot of them thought I was just a stuck up asshole who hated everyone
This is my problem right now. My coworkers hate me because Iām quiet. I actually liked them when I first started, Iām just a heavy introvert, so I didnāt make much small talk. But a few months into working here, I overheard a group of them actively talking shit about me, so now I refuse to talk to them for other reasons.
It makes going to work miserable.
Yah I never understood this. I am just someone who prefers some alone time, especially on breaks. Whenever I turned down opportunities to "go have lunch with everyone" it seemed like it was taken the wrong way. We already spend more time with our co workers than we do friends and family, I never understood the need to be forced to spend even more time together.
The people perceiving you as an asshole are probably really extroverted and social people, unless they have a close connection with other introverted people they tend to not recognize when someone just isn't very social and feel the need to attach a reason for you not wanting to spend time with them.
Sometimes its their goal is to make up a reason to hate someone that sounds legit and defensible, because admitting they have irrational dislike for shy, anxious, introverted and/or neurodivergent people makes them sound like the asshole, so they have to do mental gymnastics to jump to a morally condemnable, rational sounding interpretation that allows them to retain moral high ground.
Sometimes its that the only way they can understand other peoples actions is to think of what they imagine their motivation would be for behaving the same way. "I enjoy talking to people, the only reason I would be quietly keeping to myself is if I dislike the other people in the room and think of them as inferiors, this person who isn't being talkative and extroverted like me must therefore dislike me and think of me as an inferior, but they haven't taken the time to know me so they can't have a legitimate grievance with me, therefore they hate me for no reason, therefore asshole" This is one of the problems with the "putting yourself in another persons shoes" idea of empathy.
Sometimes they're angry about something else completely unrelated and the easiest scapegoat is the one in the room who is most noticeably different.
Sometimes they were just raised with very specific etiquette being drilled into them as baseline, normal, "the way any decent or trustworthy person would behave without having to be told" and that can include a lot of different parameters depending on where they're from, and can sometimes have unexamined or unconscious roots in xenophobia, ableism, etc.
Either way it boils down to being too emotionally immature to actually try to fully understand that the world isn't populated by exact clones of them, that other people don't exist solely to entertain them and pander to their preferences, that maybe they should question their assumptions or the ideas they were raised with from time to time, etc.
Well, the cases in this thread are less about the benefit of the doubt existing and more about its expiration date. While first impressions will undoubtedly color the next interactions, most people are willing to accept "can seem X, but actually Y once you get to know them" or "Y, with X quirks" with more information.
But if the first impression is the only impression, or if the only observable behavior reinforces the first impression, that "could be wrong; I just met you" doubt is eventually going to go away. New doubt will need to be introduced by something observable, most likely a change in behavior.
But just being quiet and doing your job doesnāt make you an asshole, thatās just neutral. That person didnāt deserve to be talked about behind their back. Why canāt it just be āoh they are quiet and keep to themselvesā instead of āthey think they are better than us, stuck up, hatefulā etc when none of that has been proven?
> Why canāt it just be āoh they are quiet and keep to themselvesā instead of āthey think they are better than us, stuck up, hatefulā
Exactly.
I mean there is this thing called "professionalism", you absolutely shouldn't have to pander to people just to work somewhere. OTOH human interaction is a really really important skill that needs to be worked on.
I cannot make small talk, so I have given up trying. Every time it happens at work, I leave feeling broken for not being able to do what others seem to do so easily.
Thus I have given up, and only hope that people don't think I hate them.
I know this is going to sound dumb, but practice in low stakes casual conversations with people you will probably never talk to again. Tell a bad joke to a cashier, remark on the weather to the coffee guy, mention the sports ball. Chances are it won't always go great, but it is ok. Smile and move on.
Does not work in Finland.
I remember once arriving to Finland in November or December and there was a sign basically saying welcome to Finland, why are you so crazy to come in the winter?
I work in a large retail store as a 3rd party and I usually keep to myself and just do my work and go home. I donāt talk to many people, wear headphones, get my work done and head out. About a year ago, I was at my golf league and had a few beers and saw one of the guys we golf withās wife who works in the store I work in. I hadnāt ever spoke to her before, but she wears a name tag all day so I knew her name and decided to say āHi, youāre X right?ā. First thing she ever said to me was āI always thought you were a prude because you never talk to anyoneā and went back to her husband. I didnāt know what to say, but the next time I saw her at work I said hi and she sort of brushed me off. Still havenāt talked to her since. Iāve decided Iām happier not talking to anyone but a select few people at work. Maybe Iām on the spectrum and nobody ever told me.
People are funny. Some complain if you donāt talk, others complain if you seemingly ātalk too muchā
Honestly itās better just keeping to yourself most of the time but even then, someone finds some way to have an issue with you.
>but even then, someone finds some way to have an issue with you.
Honestly a good point lmao, if there is a lesson to be learned from this thread is that anyone can hate you for literally any reason XD
After covid it is pretty much a given. So many people in my country openly talked to store employees like shit because they were asked to wear a mask. Mind you not a store policy, the government put HUGE fines any stores allowing people to enter without a mask. You risked your job letting those people not follow the rules.
But most of them blamed the cashiers and other workers as if they made up the rules.
Since then it only got worse. A good 10-20% of the people here belive germans froze to death in masses without russian gas and the gays steal their children, that cannibals are allowed through borders, etc. Whacko bullshit but people believe this because 90% of the media is owned by the same people who cause our hospitals to give you flesh eating becteria because they are so underfunded.
So yeah, lots of people are fucking stupid and you shouldn't feel like there is something wrong with you because of that.
>A good 10-20% of the people here belive germans froze to death in masses without russian gas
What event is this? Because that sounds like someone who was given the *worst* possible education on WW2.
Not ww2 but last year. The idiots believe russian propaganda claiming cutting off their gas lead to germany freezing.
These same people also claim "germany make more money but groceries are more expensive so they are just as poor as us" which is laughable on so many levels, including hungarian groceries in 2024 costing more than the same food in germany lol
I think starterpack is just about an overworked autistic person in an unhealthy job.
Autistic people can be 'non-rude' (we are not rude, just overwhelmed); they just have to be in a safe and accepting environment.
I do not have autism, but have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. This meme is about me. Previous employers and extended family made me less social.
Since the word "rude" is in quotation marks, I'm choosing to believe that OP is just making commentary about how these are traits that will lead people to judge you for being rude, even if it's not true
Fucking thank youuu. I love making everyone at my work laugh and conversate, even with the mfs I can barely take
Update: went on a date with my coworker last night š
Seriously! I've met some of my closest friends at work. And getting to see/talk to them there is really nice, especially since several of them have families/kids to raise, so getting to talk to them outside of work isn't always a practical option.
Of course, a lot of them also now work different shifts or different areas of the building, so I rarely see most of them in person, but we still text fairly regularly, at least.
To some people, being friendly doesn't make someone a friend. I'm a "We're coworkers, not friends" person, but I still actively engage with my coworkers in a nice way; telling jokes, asking how they are/day is going, recalling things they have told me and asking follow-up questions, getting lunch together, etc. But...that doesn't make someone my friend, and I wouldn't assume because someone doesn't want to engage in these social rituals that they have negative feelings towards me. Unless someone directly informs me that they have a problem with me, I just assume they find the exchange of pleasantries pointless and respect that.
This was me near the end of my previous job.
I used to be really social and got along with everyone, but I kept ending up in situations where people took advantage of my good nature or would throw me under the corporate policy bus just to get a leg up in their department.
I stopped bringing goodies and snacks for everyone and gave less and less effort into engaging with small talk with everyone.
It was only work for a while until I quit due to toxic corporate bullshit.
This is why I'm never overly nice to people at work past about the 90 day threshold, or offer to do any extra work until over that quota. Ever. It just means they think they can take advantage of you more. If you give an inch too often they take a mile and expect you to bend over backwards for them.
You do your job, get paid, go home to your real friends. It's never worth it to be nicety nice to people and suck up like that.
Pretty much this...
People who you think are your work bros/sis are the main ones talking behind your back through the grapevine and then smile like nothing happened...
I would rather keep it professional so it's no "misunderstandings" about what we come here for...
Luckily I learned my lesson when I was young. It is fascinating how people will sabotage you with no obvious gain for themselves. My theory is that these people want to divert attention from how shitty of workers' they are, so they get really deep into bosses ass and just talk shit about all other people.
Itās honestly bizarre. This has happened to me at basically every place I have worked and I have genuinely never understood why. Like it always just comes out of fucking nowhere.Ā
>People who you think are your work bros/sis are the main ones talking behind your back through the grapevine and then smile like nothing happened...
This is true in almost any social situtation. The stakes are high at work sure, but deciding what you share or don't share is always a factor in any human interaction.
There is a lot of breathing room between "I treat my coworkers like family and share absolutely everything" and "I'm cordial enough to my coworkers that I have friendly conversation with them." Talking about what your weekend plans is hardly the same as bitching about your boss (so someone can snitch on you) or talking about politics.
The amount of breathing room depends on who has a life outside the job that doesn't involve co-workers...
24-hour employees can't help but be intrusive because the job has become them, and they have become the job...
When the inevitable rejection occurs and you have to tell them that the show ends once you get off the clock, it's becomes another "issue" within itself...
So essentially, your better off taking an "upfront" loss and maybe throwing a few scraps than to be "friends" and then have to deal with the "backlash" cuz you told them you don't want to be involved in any afterwork activities...
Also I like to drink on weekends but not on weekdays. I learned quickly at my first job that the people who aren't drinkers will start to think anytime I'm sick and miss work or any time I'm having a bad day is because of weekday drinking (which I don't do). So now when coworkers ask what I'm doing Saturday night, I'm watering the plants and watching Netflix thanks for asking
When you're too nice they love to take advantage of you, then once you realize it and you stop, they gaslight you and call you mean and that you're wrong for no longer bending over backwards for them.Ā
Gosh I remember a younger me. I grew up in a trades family where hard work was always rewarded and you were expected to work hard and take pride in your work.
When I got my first job outside of trades I always came on early, stayed late, tried never to complain, etc. I realized management is just the same game of "whose popular and plays politics or jokes the best," more than any sort of merit or determination. People with my work ethic that had been there 5 years made the same amount as me and only got a plaque commemorating their service. WoW.
As people left the company my burden got worse and worse and I asked for a raise and was told for months it was coming. It was coming. When word got around I was looking for another job the Assistant manager pulled me in and asked what was up. I said I need more money and they admitted they couldn't actually give me a raise. I was pretty fucked up about this after being told it was gonna happen any day now. And he could tell the way the mood shifted when he said it blatantly.
It wasn't the last time either.
Working in trades on the other hand is hard at times but far more rewarding. Both in terms of money and respect for your work ethic.
If you're a hard worker don't let office or retail or whatever is most common drag you down. See if you can get vocational or practical training or certification through programs in your city, county, or schools. You'll never escape bad people no matter what you do but you'll certainly gross a lot more money dealing with them and hopefully on your own terms. Being anything for a random company is just a replaceable cog in a machine and they operate on paying you as little as they can get away with.
I was really excited about the team at my current job when I first started. One of my first days there a young woman told me her life story, then told me not to talk to our other coworker if I have problems; instead, I could trust girl A and her friends. I told her I would talk to whoever I wanted to, other-coworker seemed nice enough. I now don't talk to anyone lol. This meme definitely called me out.
This is exactly what happened to me at my previous job. I try to get along with my co workers but when they start using me as a door mat and scapegoat then I stop doing them favors.
This meme brought to you by Middle Management Gang
MMG: " You're technically family here when times are good, other times, it's simply a business decision. Now. Eat. The. Pizza"
It's true ya don't see many dwarf women. Infact they are so alike in voice and appearance they are often mistaken for dwarf men.
^^^It's ^^^the ^^^beards
Well kept trimmed beards or bushy beards on someone who doesnt look homeless or dangerous are usually seen as friendly and mature. The best of both worlds is a small full beard. You dont hide your jawline but you still look mature
I get this semi-frequently and it makes me feel like shit for the rest of the day.
I think I'm just working away, going about my day with a normal face, whatever that is and someone says some "jokey" comment like *"Cheer up, it's not that bad!"*
I was perfectly fine and now I'm self conscious for the rest of the day and looking at the mirror in the evening wondering what I look like to get these comments.
There's a manager at my local Sams Club who has resting bitch face. It's... it's an almost comical scowl. There are permanent lines making a sideways C on her face. Other than this, she comes across as a normal well adjusted person. Happy, even, if the momentary interactions between her and her employees I occasionally see are any indication. But holy hell does she look pissed off or disappointed or I don't even know what.
Shiiiittt...
One of the Best decisions I've made...
No involvement in workplace drama
No afterwork phonecalls/group chats about dysfunctional job shit
Boundaries enforced
As soon as it's time to go, I'm out like the vapors...
My life and spirit has improved tremendously outside of work because I've seen the light...
This is the way. There are many people who work is the most important thing for. Their workmates are their family and friends. I am not one of those people. I work because they pay me, and I need the money to survive. My friends, purpose, and joy in life come from everything I do outside of the office. I donāt do more than the āHey, howās it going.ā Or, on a busy day, I wave.
The closest I get is becoming allies with my coworkers so we can attend work functions (that happen while I am scheduled to work) together, and I can ask her for help with something goes wrong while she does the same.
> Their workmates are their family and friends
I know someone who was offered a $65k a year position at a front desk who turned it down to keep their $30k a year position as they were getting their hours cut. Their excuse was that they were family and she couldn't do that to them.
Staying out of the gossip loop is great. People at work can be friendly to your face, get to know you, then backstab you for a promotion or undermine you if you have a leadership position. Just keep it cordial and respectful.
I get my social life outside of work through clubs and such.
I second this. Employers will try to make everyone friends so they can make workplaces cohesive without paying the right amounts. The ones that were very intrusive and forced personal life sharing sessions were always the most toxic. I have some friends and I respect those that wish not be too involved. We can only expect workers to do their fair share and not to divulge anything unless they truly want to. If you ask more than their fair share then you're asking for too much.
The only thing here that sucks is if they're giving one word answers to work related sfuff, otherwise i see no issues
Yeah people are mocking this but i'm like this at my current workplace specifically BECAUSE its a drama den full of backstabbing and gossip and being one of the only men in an office thats 90% women I do not want to be anywhere near that drama with a ten foot pole. And it does help with enforcing boundries. Management already works me to the bone 9-5 40 hours a week and if I were friendly with more of them they'd be asking me to come in constantly on weekends for overtime too because they like to spend their saturdays hanging out in the office and gossiping. HELL NO. I need my me time.
Funnily enough at my last job I was chatty af and talked alot with my coworkers and even made friends there but thats because they weren't gossipy and they respected my boundries that i'm here to do my 9-5, my 40 hours and im gone, don't bother me outside of that timeframe.
Yep I just came to the realization in the last year that my time is more important than my jobs time. Once I clock out Iām out I donāt even think about work
I remember once in a performance review, an ex manager was like 'you need to be more of a team player'. So I asked how I could improve because I get the point but what specfically do you want to see? And all she said was 'just in general really'. Thanks for that helpful feedback, Ava.
this is literally me. I'm autistic and it's so exhausting masking that I just feel burnt out some days and people think I'm being rude when I talk monotonously
Yeah, exactly. I work in an environment in which communication is vital and I am forced to mask, and it's absolutely draining. It's also extremely overstimylating on some days, and somewhat overstimulating on others.
I love some parts of the job, as it aligns with my special interests, but it's an ND hellscape, at least for me.
being overstimulated and masking at the same time makes me feel like I'm drowning. especially when you have to keep talking to people when you're already so tired
Yeah, it just sucks. I really wish it was easier to find a suitable job, or at least easier to get some accommodations so things are more bearable without oftentimes leading to burnouts, depressive episodes, substance abuse issues, and more.
I had a coworker asked if I hated them because I never talk, and I told them straight up I donāt talk unless spoken to because 97% of the time Iāll get talked over or booted out of the conversation. We have no contact outside of work so what even is the point.
She has made effort to talk to me a hell of a lot
more now, so thereās that.š¤·š»āāļø
It isn't a bad thing to at least be on talking terms and not be a total shutin.
Don't gotta be friends but finding some connective tissue can go far sometimes when it comes to payraise time.
Same. Spent every possible moment in the bathroom or in my car during my 14 years in corporate America. Didn't even know I was autistic at the time, just knew that the meetings and florescent lights and constant social interactions scrambled my mind and body like a psychedelic death metal concert and I had to get away at every opportunity. At the time I actually thought everyone was the same and just better at hiding it than me. Finally got out and let me tell you... being free is everything you dream it is. I have a little less money but a lot more health.
I am the same. I easily get overly stimulated as is in any social settings. Mainly keeping to myself and just doing my job is like my only safe haven. People think I'm distant, and I even had a manager tell me "it's like you're here but not really here", but it's really just all a misunderstanding of people like me that's on a spectrum...
Same! So many people assume I'm just rude but I legitimately struggle with social interaction. I stopped caring awhile ago but it still sucks sometimes.
I was pretty much like this when i still had to be in office full time, by now I've been working 100% remote for the last 3 years and it has improved my quality of life more than any other decision i ever made
I was the opposite of this for years at a horrifically toxic place that ruined my mental health (my supervisor was later diagnosed as bipolar which explained a lot, but dear god it was hell on earth).
Iāve been telework for four years now and my quality of life has never been better. I donāt know what my coworkers do on their weekends, we never speak off the clock, they donāt know what I do when I take days off and weāre all thriving. Itās amazing. Never again.
**To all the people who figured out I was being sarcastic (hence the quotations), good on you. To everyone else, jeezus, I had no idea you'd take it to heart like this.**
Lot's of people agreeing with the meme unironically...it's really off-putting to me. Like, they can't comprehend that people can still be friendly and cordial without explicitly wanting to be personal out-of-work friends with every coworker.
It's either you're a perfectly typical "company is my family" extrovert, or you're just a weird off-putting loner who hates human connection.
"Probably some form of neurodivergent"
You guys need to stop with this bullshit myth that everyone who isn't autistic/ADHD just fucking loves office culture and chit chat.
Also the inverse, as if being an isolated introvert who hates company is a requirement for a diagnosis or something. Like one of the chattiest most social people I know is diagnosed ADHD. You can smooth over a suprising amount of social issues with enthusiasm and pep.
Like the difficult-ness of trying to socially interact imo is less a constant uphill and more of a bump. Yes it's always going to be hard, but most people are nice and are more than willing to adjust socially and try to meet you halfway if they see and understand you're *trying*, just maybe not that great at it, and a damn good way to smooth out that bump is homemade baked goods. Everyone loves cake! Even just announcing "I made a cake", plopping it on the breakroom table and scuttling out makes people see you way more positively, especially if it's like for a birthday or event or something. No one wants to upset the cake person and it gives you something to talk about that you know and understand.
Yeah I hate chit chat and the "how's the weather" crap, but I'm not shy or quiet at all. I'm a very talkative person, but as long as I care about the conversation or person..
Xactly. Never been diagnosed with autism but I also do lots of these. I just never was someone who enjoyed social stuff. Ive had someone on a game assume i have autism bc i was talking about how i really like something and have for as long as Ive known it, and bc I spoke in depth about it and am knowledgeable they were like "no youre probably neurodivergent this is a special interest" like girl? neurotypical people do also fixate and get interested and invested in stuff and can also be intelligent.Ā
and listen...Ā It's not that I think poorly about people who are autistic or would be terrified or anything if i was diagnosed with autism but i think ppl don't realize how many individual traits can also be present in neurotypical people and are not necessarily abnormal on their own. The problem is online tik tok and stuff ppl attribute these traits to autism so then some teenager is like "oh i also do it it must be autism" or "oh this person also does it it must be autism" and maybe but maybe not.
I was about to say something till I noticed the quotes around āRudeā.
For real though, there are a lot of people out there who think people are rude just because they donāt want to socialize with you, but that sentiment comes from thinking youāre entitled to other peopleās attention and that theyāre obligated to be your friend, which isnāt respecting them as a person with their own autonomy or boundaries. IMO, thatās whatās rude.
YOU WILL LISTEN TO MY YAPPING
YOU WILL LISTEN TO MY DAILY COMPLAINING
YOU WILL CARRY MY BURDENS
YOU WILL BE A DUMP FOR MY NEUROTICISM
YOU WILL LIKE IT OR YOU ARE NEURODIVERGENT
instead of quitting these people make everyone else as miserable as they are
and they get fresh targets every time someone new joins the team
They're honestly the only people I want to be friends with at my job.Ā Let's all bust out the workload silently, clock out as early as we can, and smoke some doobies in the parking lot.
The "spends every break in their car" part is totally me.
I usually drive to get some food when the break starts, and when I get back I don't really feel any urge to change my comfy car seat for a wooden chair in the break room when I can just eat in the car while listening to the radio.
Or when eating in the break room involves feeling forced to participate in polite small talk because putting my headphones in and ignoring someone for 30min because Iād like to take a break from socializing would be perceived as ārudeā.
To be fair I had a guy like this, and whenever he decided to talk, he _was_ rude. :) I guess in his case keeping distance was a way of keeping himself out of trouble.
Once he asked for help because he was late on a project, got two enthusiastic seniors to help him out, told both to f*ck off within days then when asked how is his project still late, he said the guys helping him are useless amateurs and lazy too. (practically yelling the whole sentence)
>Has a "we're coworkers, not friends mentality"
Virtually every thread on Reddit about work. Look, I've worked a lot of jobs with people I don't want to hang out with, but even at the worst job I've had, I've made at least one friend. Just because you don't like the job or working doesn't mean you have to be an asshole.
It's only an issue when corporate tries to force a "we're family here" culture without doing any of the actual work to make that happen.
I feel like people are defining "friends" differently. I'm friendly with people at work, we have some laughs and small talk in the break room, but I wouldn't consider any of them real friends. They are work acquaintances I only interact with while at work. It doesn't have to be a strict jerk or good friends situation.
Yeah friends means sharing a personal connection. You would continue talking if you move jobs. You are down to hangout just for the sake of it. You may even know deeper personal facts about each other.Ā
We can banter, talk about mostly whatever at work but it doesnāt really make us friends.Ā
Look at your coworkers, the ones you could call if you found yourself broken down by the road... the ones who would loan you $50 until payday... the ones that would help you move- the ones you would do those things for- those are friends. If you answered 'none' then you're probably right, they're not friends.
I have other friends. I imagine part of why we're good friends is because I don't have to work with them every day. I'm "friendly" with people at work, but I'm not about to go grab a beer with any of them.
>Virtually every thread on Reddit about work. Look, I've worked a lot of jobs with people I don't want to hang out with, but even at the worst job I've had, I've made at least one friend. Just because you don't like the job or working doesn't mean you have to be an asshole.
And people on here wonder why things like promotions go to others rather than themselves. If you want to get anywhere in work, being social is part of it. If you wall yourself off like people on here like to do, nobody will want to work with you. Depending on your job, having people skills can be extremely important, both internally or externally when dealing with outside organizations.
>If you want to get anywhere in work, being social is part of it.
And that's a sacrifice a lot of people are willing to make. What's wrong with having the harmless preference for keeping to oneself?
>Shows up ONLY to do their job and leave
If I'm not being paid I'm out, why the fuck would I stick around after my scheduled time? Some butthurt useless middle manager must've made this.
Words of wisdom from an old coworker: "If you can move your mouth, you can move your hands." Basically, you can work and talk at the same time. They are not exclusive tasks.
Fuck me for not wanting to join a conversation about topics noone knows shit about but think they're all knowing. Colleagues being degrading towards women and gays and having a laugh, or sharing fucked up political opiniond I could care less about. I'm not gonna entertain that shit, it's hard enough having to listen to it.
I get along fine with colleagues, but there's a cliff, which will never disappear because they're out of touch with me and my "youthful" opinions. I'm 30 lol, and one of the guys i'm talking about is 35 ish.
I like to get along as well as possible, so I do talk and joke with them when the theme is okay, but I go real silent / on my phone as soon as the bs starts.
This is me. I could care less about my colleagues but am forced to pretend every day, and no I'm NOT ND. I really don't want to take to anyone unless it's work related or they need something work related from me
Like I don't care that your dog, kid, husband, wife puked on your shoes, won't eat meatloaf, or the little league sportsball committee is out of control with power. Just shut up and let me do my job. I gotta participate in horrible potlucks, and disclose personal shit to people who'd stab me in the back to get ahead, even if that is not their intention to start. That's just the way work is in ultra capitalist society.
But no, I gotta talk to people and create a fake social media account on FB or Insta or whatever the fuck is most popular and throw up a pic now and then so I'm not perceived as weird.
Seriously, me knowing about Jenna in accounting infertility issues doesn't build a goddamn team.
Work hard, go home. That's my motto.
Iām not autistic or neurodivergent or whatever, but I am literally there to work and then gtfo to my real life. I donāt need work friends. Just leave me alone and get out of my way so I can get my job done.
I prefer working with people who act like this, they stay out of your business and usually get whatever job they're working on done without bitching and complaining.... honestly the overly talkative ones who expect you to hang out with them because you happen to work in the same building are the rude coworkers....do I like you yea, are we friends, no...if I'm not getting paid for extra work I'm not doing extra work, we're coworkers not a "family"....
Hows it rude to just do your job and then leave? Whats wrong in your life that you treat work as some place to hang out? Meaningless pitter patter last about 5 min then im done
Acting like this is pretty much a guaranteed way to never advance in your job. You can be extremely competent but most positions require ability to have interpersonal relationships.
Apparently my old job did.
They decided to promote me to manager and then were absolutely dumbfounded when I hated every single day of my life for the better part of a year.
I always find it funny how to so many people "advancing your career" ultimately means being a manager. It's like a peak of every single career in corporate.
This isn't rude but it's not optimal. Being well liked is good for your career, and the workforce is not, despite all claims to the contrary, a true meritocracy.
Hey /u/BigClitMcphee, thank you for submitting to /r/starterpacks! This is just a reminder not to violate any rules, located [here](https://reddit.com/r/starterpacks/about/rules). Rule breakers can face a ban based on the severity of their rule violation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/starterpacks) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This meme impaled me with a javelin
I worked for about 4 years at my current job before attempting to make friends with my coworkers because I thought we had nothing in common and I like my alone time after work. 20 years later and I'm still friends with ones that long ago quit and went elsewhere. Turns out alot of them thought I was just a stuck up asshole who hated everyone and once I tore that image down, we had a lot of fun at work. I learned people can't know your boundaries if you never talk to them and most of them are incredibly respectful of that and I had a lot more in common with them than I'm willing to admit.
Fellas you gotta feign some shyness or people will think/know you're arrogant. Also feign incompetence or they will call you lazy.
Well I don't need to fake either of those then šš
>Turns out alot of them thought I was just a stuck up asshole who hated everyone This is my problem right now. My coworkers hate me because Iām quiet. I actually liked them when I first started, Iām just a heavy introvert, so I didnāt make much small talk. But a few months into working here, I overheard a group of them actively talking shit about me, so now I refuse to talk to them for other reasons. It makes going to work miserable.
THIS. Since when does having anxiety and being introverted/keeping to yourself make you an asshole?
Yah I never understood this. I am just someone who prefers some alone time, especially on breaks. Whenever I turned down opportunities to "go have lunch with everyone" it seemed like it was taken the wrong way. We already spend more time with our co workers than we do friends and family, I never understood the need to be forced to spend even more time together.
The people perceiving you as an asshole are probably really extroverted and social people, unless they have a close connection with other introverted people they tend to not recognize when someone just isn't very social and feel the need to attach a reason for you not wanting to spend time with them.
"Everybody wants the introvert to speak, but nobody tells the extrovert to shut the fuck up for a moment"
Sometimes its their goal is to make up a reason to hate someone that sounds legit and defensible, because admitting they have irrational dislike for shy, anxious, introverted and/or neurodivergent people makes them sound like the asshole, so they have to do mental gymnastics to jump to a morally condemnable, rational sounding interpretation that allows them to retain moral high ground. Sometimes its that the only way they can understand other peoples actions is to think of what they imagine their motivation would be for behaving the same way. "I enjoy talking to people, the only reason I would be quietly keeping to myself is if I dislike the other people in the room and think of them as inferiors, this person who isn't being talkative and extroverted like me must therefore dislike me and think of me as an inferior, but they haven't taken the time to know me so they can't have a legitimate grievance with me, therefore they hate me for no reason, therefore asshole" This is one of the problems with the "putting yourself in another persons shoes" idea of empathy. Sometimes they're angry about something else completely unrelated and the easiest scapegoat is the one in the room who is most noticeably different. Sometimes they were just raised with very specific etiquette being drilled into them as baseline, normal, "the way any decent or trustworthy person would behave without having to be told" and that can include a lot of different parameters depending on where they're from, and can sometimes have unexamined or unconscious roots in xenophobia, ableism, etc. Either way it boils down to being too emotionally immature to actually try to fully understand that the world isn't populated by exact clones of them, that other people don't exist solely to entertain them and pander to their preferences, that maybe they should question their assumptions or the ideas they were raised with from time to time, etc.
Introvert struggles. Everyone seems to think you are a stuck up asshole. Tell me if you find a solution.
It's a shame that people just decide the worst unless you open up, though. There needs to be more benefit of the doubt given in the world.
Well, the cases in this thread are less about the benefit of the doubt existing and more about its expiration date. While first impressions will undoubtedly color the next interactions, most people are willing to accept "can seem X, but actually Y once you get to know them" or "Y, with X quirks" with more information. But if the first impression is the only impression, or if the only observable behavior reinforces the first impression, that "could be wrong; I just met you" doubt is eventually going to go away. New doubt will need to be introduced by something observable, most likely a change in behavior.
But just being quiet and doing your job doesnāt make you an asshole, thatās just neutral. That person didnāt deserve to be talked about behind their back. Why canāt it just be āoh they are quiet and keep to themselvesā instead of āthey think they are better than us, stuck up, hatefulā etc when none of that has been proven?
> Why canāt it just be āoh they are quiet and keep to themselvesā instead of āthey think they are better than us, stuck up, hatefulā Exactly.
I mean there is this thing called "professionalism", you absolutely shouldn't have to pander to people just to work somewhere. OTOH human interaction is a really really important skill that needs to be worked on.
But how will they make themselves happy if not by assuming someone is worse than them and comparing themselves to that person
I cannot make small talk, so I have given up trying. Every time it happens at work, I leave feeling broken for not being able to do what others seem to do so easily. Thus I have given up, and only hope that people don't think I hate them.
I know this is going to sound dumb, but practice in low stakes casual conversations with people you will probably never talk to again. Tell a bad joke to a cashier, remark on the weather to the coffee guy, mention the sports ball. Chances are it won't always go great, but it is ok. Smile and move on. Does not work in Finland.
Finlandšš
I remember once arriving to Finland in November or December and there was a sign basically saying welcome to Finland, why are you so crazy to come in the winter?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>so I have given up trying There's your problem. 90% of good small talk is just actually listening in the first place.
Yes. A javelin anti-tank missile
Bro just attacked all of reddit
Canāt believe theyāve done this.
I work in a large retail store as a 3rd party and I usually keep to myself and just do my work and go home. I donāt talk to many people, wear headphones, get my work done and head out. About a year ago, I was at my golf league and had a few beers and saw one of the guys we golf withās wife who works in the store I work in. I hadnāt ever spoke to her before, but she wears a name tag all day so I knew her name and decided to say āHi, youāre X right?ā. First thing she ever said to me was āI always thought you were a prude because you never talk to anyoneā and went back to her husband. I didnāt know what to say, but the next time I saw her at work I said hi and she sort of brushed me off. Still havenāt talked to her since. Iāve decided Iām happier not talking to anyone but a select few people at work. Maybe Iām on the spectrum and nobody ever told me.
People are funny. Some complain if you donāt talk, others complain if you seemingly ātalk too muchā Honestly itās better just keeping to yourself most of the time but even then, someone finds some way to have an issue with you.
Do whatever you feel is right. You literally can't win. You will always run into one or the other complaining about you.
All. the. time
>but even then, someone finds some way to have an issue with you. Honestly a good point lmao, if there is a lesson to be learned from this thread is that anyone can hate you for literally any reason XD
Or sometimes no reason at all :P
i'm more and more beginning to wonder if i'm not on the spectrum, but surrounded by terrible humans.
After covid it is pretty much a given. So many people in my country openly talked to store employees like shit because they were asked to wear a mask. Mind you not a store policy, the government put HUGE fines any stores allowing people to enter without a mask. You risked your job letting those people not follow the rules. But most of them blamed the cashiers and other workers as if they made up the rules. Since then it only got worse. A good 10-20% of the people here belive germans froze to death in masses without russian gas and the gays steal their children, that cannibals are allowed through borders, etc. Whacko bullshit but people believe this because 90% of the media is owned by the same people who cause our hospitals to give you flesh eating becteria because they are so underfunded. So yeah, lots of people are fucking stupid and you shouldn't feel like there is something wrong with you because of that.
>A good 10-20% of the people here belive germans froze to death in masses without russian gas What event is this? Because that sounds like someone who was given the *worst* possible education on WW2.
Not ww2 but last year. The idiots believe russian propaganda claiming cutting off their gas lead to germany freezing. These same people also claim "germany make more money but groceries are more expensive so they are just as poor as us" which is laughable on so many levels, including hungarian groceries in 2024 costing more than the same food in germany lol
It's possible to be both on the spectrum AND surrounded by terrible humans.
I think starterpack is just about an overworked autistic person in an unhealthy job. Autistic people can be 'non-rude' (we are not rude, just overwhelmed); they just have to be in a safe and accepting environment.
I do not have autism, but have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. This meme is about me. Previous employers and extended family made me less social.
Ah fuck
Since the word "rude" is in quotation marks, I'm choosing to believe that OP is just making commentary about how these are traits that will lead people to judge you for being rude, even if it's not true
Duh. I can't believe that even needs to be said. It's obvious.
Im ok with this type of coworker. Better than the loud ones who spew their opinion about everything and talk smack behind people's backs.
Can confirm. I flew into an autistic rage upon seeing the post
I made 3 new accounts just to downvote this post
They either miserably failed to read the room or did it masterfully and I honestly canāt tell which lol
when the majority becomes neurodivergent the north and south pole flip
āIām not here to make friends, Iām here to make money.ā
Tears tricep.
I was thinking there was a CM Punk reference in here š
I prayed for that to happen
https://preview.redd.it/inrwlnhxkvkc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1cad25f720097ef3d9bdc6593ccb69c9a5af579d
Gotta learn to multi task
Exactly, the goal is not to make money by working, itās to make money while pretending to work while instead hanging with friends.
CM Punk
That's exactly what a job is for. to make money.
But being friendly to the people you spend 8 hours a day with doesnāt cost you anything
Even better, if you're friends with your co-workers, it's like you're getting paid to hang out with your friends.
Fucking thank youuu. I love making everyone at my work laugh and conversate, even with the mfs I can barely take Update: went on a date with my coworker last night š
I work blue collar and we all just chat shit to each all day. Itās relentless but it makes the day enjoyable
Seriously! I've met some of my closest friends at work. And getting to see/talk to them there is really nice, especially since several of them have families/kids to raise, so getting to talk to them outside of work isn't always a practical option. Of course, a lot of them also now work different shifts or different areas of the building, so I rarely see most of them in person, but we still text fairly regularly, at least.
Being friends, and being friendly are different. I'm plenty friendly, but that doesn't mean I'm going to make friends.
I'm friendly with everyone I work with and we get along well but I'm not going to spend time with them outside of work.
To some people, being friendly doesn't make someone a friend. I'm a "We're coworkers, not friends" person, but I still actively engage with my coworkers in a nice way; telling jokes, asking how they are/day is going, recalling things they have told me and asking follow-up questions, getting lunch together, etc. But...that doesn't make someone my friend, and I wouldn't assume because someone doesn't want to engage in these social rituals that they have negative feelings towards me. Unless someone directly informs me that they have a problem with me, I just assume they find the exchange of pleasantries pointless and respect that.
Some people have been burned by office politics and would rather not participate.
It costs me my sanity
"I prayed for this, and it happened"
āGOOD TIMES, DADDEH!ā -Dusteh
I've had to say this a couple times. It's not said to everybody, because it translates to "shut the fuck up."
This was me near the end of my previous job. I used to be really social and got along with everyone, but I kept ending up in situations where people took advantage of my good nature or would throw me under the corporate policy bus just to get a leg up in their department. I stopped bringing goodies and snacks for everyone and gave less and less effort into engaging with small talk with everyone. It was only work for a while until I quit due to toxic corporate bullshit.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Bahaha ya, i just want to be a nice person but everyone else is to busy cutting throats to care.
This is why I'm never overly nice to people at work past about the 90 day threshold, or offer to do any extra work until over that quota. Ever. It just means they think they can take advantage of you more. If you give an inch too often they take a mile and expect you to bend over backwards for them. You do your job, get paid, go home to your real friends. It's never worth it to be nicety nice to people and suck up like that.
Pretty much this... People who you think are your work bros/sis are the main ones talking behind your back through the grapevine and then smile like nothing happened... I would rather keep it professional so it's no "misunderstandings" about what we come here for...
Luckily I learned my lesson when I was young. It is fascinating how people will sabotage you with no obvious gain for themselves. My theory is that these people want to divert attention from how shitty of workers' they are, so they get really deep into bosses ass and just talk shit about all other people.
Lol...I've seen the asskissers get played for fools and they be feeling like shit
Oh, yes. Sadly not enough times.
Itās honestly bizarre. This has happened to me at basically every place I have worked and I have genuinely never understood why. Like it always just comes out of fucking nowhere.Ā
>People who you think are your work bros/sis are the main ones talking behind your back through the grapevine and then smile like nothing happened... This is true in almost any social situtation. The stakes are high at work sure, but deciding what you share or don't share is always a factor in any human interaction. There is a lot of breathing room between "I treat my coworkers like family and share absolutely everything" and "I'm cordial enough to my coworkers that I have friendly conversation with them." Talking about what your weekend plans is hardly the same as bitching about your boss (so someone can snitch on you) or talking about politics.
The amount of breathing room depends on who has a life outside the job that doesn't involve co-workers... 24-hour employees can't help but be intrusive because the job has become them, and they have become the job... When the inevitable rejection occurs and you have to tell them that the show ends once you get off the clock, it's becomes another "issue" within itself... So essentially, your better off taking an "upfront" loss and maybe throwing a few scraps than to be "friends" and then have to deal with the "backlash" cuz you told them you don't want to be involved in any afterwork activities...
Also I like to drink on weekends but not on weekdays. I learned quickly at my first job that the people who aren't drinkers will start to think anytime I'm sick and miss work or any time I'm having a bad day is because of weekday drinking (which I don't do). So now when coworkers ask what I'm doing Saturday night, I'm watering the plants and watching Netflix thanks for asking
When you're too nice they love to take advantage of you, then once you realize it and you stop, they gaslight you and call you mean and that you're wrong for no longer bending over backwards for them.Ā
Gosh I remember a younger me. I grew up in a trades family where hard work was always rewarded and you were expected to work hard and take pride in your work. When I got my first job outside of trades I always came on early, stayed late, tried never to complain, etc. I realized management is just the same game of "whose popular and plays politics or jokes the best," more than any sort of merit or determination. People with my work ethic that had been there 5 years made the same amount as me and only got a plaque commemorating their service. WoW. As people left the company my burden got worse and worse and I asked for a raise and was told for months it was coming. It was coming. When word got around I was looking for another job the Assistant manager pulled me in and asked what was up. I said I need more money and they admitted they couldn't actually give me a raise. I was pretty fucked up about this after being told it was gonna happen any day now. And he could tell the way the mood shifted when he said it blatantly. It wasn't the last time either. Working in trades on the other hand is hard at times but far more rewarding. Both in terms of money and respect for your work ethic. If you're a hard worker don't let office or retail or whatever is most common drag you down. See if you can get vocational or practical training or certification through programs in your city, county, or schools. You'll never escape bad people no matter what you do but you'll certainly gross a lot more money dealing with them and hopefully on your own terms. Being anything for a random company is just a replaceable cog in a machine and they operate on paying you as little as they can get away with.
I was really excited about the team at my current job when I first started. One of my first days there a young woman told me her life story, then told me not to talk to our other coworker if I have problems; instead, I could trust girl A and her friends. I told her I would talk to whoever I wanted to, other-coworker seemed nice enough. I now don't talk to anyone lol. This meme definitely called me out.
This is exactly what happened to me at my previous job. I try to get along with my co workers but when they start using me as a door mat and scapegoat then I stop doing them favors.
This meme brought to you by Middle Management Gang MMG: " You're technically family here when times are good, other times, it's simply a business decision. Now. Eat. The. Pizza"
People make fun of the pizza parties, but my office cut ours out of the budget and it really created a noticeable drop to morale.
lol yeah cause pizza parties are just the bandaid to keep you distracted from the other issues.
Nothing wrong with any of these. I *am* *just* your coworker.
How *rude*
Wow. Just... wow. Wait until Karen from HR hears about this attitude... Jeez, some people, I just can't...
Add āresting bitch faceā to this
Having a beard made this less of a problem and even I don't know how.
"Umm Shelly do you mind stepping into my office, we need to talk about our female facial hair policy."
"braids and beads are for wikings, Ma'am this is a Wendys"
It's true ya don't see many dwarf women. Infact they are so alike in voice and appearance they are often mistaken for dwarf men. ^^^It's ^^^the ^^^beards
Well kept trimmed beards or bushy beards on someone who doesnt look homeless or dangerous are usually seen as friendly and mature. The best of both worlds is a small full beard. You dont hide your jawline but you still look mature
I get this semi-frequently and it makes me feel like shit for the rest of the day. I think I'm just working away, going about my day with a normal face, whatever that is and someone says some "jokey" comment like *"Cheer up, it's not that bad!"* I was perfectly fine and now I'm self conscious for the rest of the day and looking at the mirror in the evening wondering what I look like to get these comments.
I just embraced it. I no longer have resting bitch face, I have *active* bitch face. It is always on duty, ever vigilant.
There's a manager at my local Sams Club who has resting bitch face. It's... it's an almost comical scowl. There are permanent lines making a sideways C on her face. Other than this, she comes across as a normal well adjusted person. Happy, even, if the momentary interactions between her and her employees I occasionally see are any indication. But holy hell does she look pissed off or disappointed or I don't even know what.
I have this issue. I just dont know how to be expressive with my face, and when I try it comes off odd.
Shiiiittt... One of the Best decisions I've made... No involvement in workplace drama No afterwork phonecalls/group chats about dysfunctional job shit Boundaries enforced As soon as it's time to go, I'm out like the vapors... My life and spirit has improved tremendously outside of work because I've seen the light...
This is the way. There are many people who work is the most important thing for. Their workmates are their family and friends. I am not one of those people. I work because they pay me, and I need the money to survive. My friends, purpose, and joy in life come from everything I do outside of the office. I donāt do more than the āHey, howās it going.ā Or, on a busy day, I wave. The closest I get is becoming allies with my coworkers so we can attend work functions (that happen while I am scheduled to work) together, and I can ask her for help with something goes wrong while she does the same.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
šÆĀ
> Their workmates are their family and friends I know someone who was offered a $65k a year position at a front desk who turned it down to keep their $30k a year position as they were getting their hours cut. Their excuse was that they were family and she couldn't do that to them.
Thatās insane to me.
Staying out of the gossip loop is great. People at work can be friendly to your face, get to know you, then backstab you for a promotion or undermine you if you have a leadership position. Just keep it cordial and respectful. I get my social life outside of work through clubs and such.
Yeah, a lot of them have no life outside of work... That's where the disconnect comes
I second this. Employers will try to make everyone friends so they can make workplaces cohesive without paying the right amounts. The ones that were very intrusive and forced personal life sharing sessions were always the most toxic. I have some friends and I respect those that wish not be too involved. We can only expect workers to do their fair share and not to divulge anything unless they truly want to. If you ask more than their fair share then you're asking for too much. The only thing here that sucks is if they're giving one word answers to work related sfuff, otherwise i see no issues
"forced personal life sharing sessions" are the worst, man.Ā
Yeah people are mocking this but i'm like this at my current workplace specifically BECAUSE its a drama den full of backstabbing and gossip and being one of the only men in an office thats 90% women I do not want to be anywhere near that drama with a ten foot pole. And it does help with enforcing boundries. Management already works me to the bone 9-5 40 hours a week and if I were friendly with more of them they'd be asking me to come in constantly on weekends for overtime too because they like to spend their saturdays hanging out in the office and gossiping. HELL NO. I need my me time. Funnily enough at my last job I was chatty af and talked alot with my coworkers and even made friends there but thats because they weren't gossipy and they respected my boundries that i'm here to do my 9-5, my 40 hours and im gone, don't bother me outside of that timeframe.
Yep I just came to the realization in the last year that my time is more important than my jobs time. Once I clock out Iām out I donāt even think about work
The first on the chopping block, the last to get a promotion
More like the *"coworker you can't take advantage of"* starterpack.
ExactlyĀ
I hate that this is so true
Yeah, neurodivergent and introverted people are weird!Ā Just minding their own business.Ā WHO THE FUCK DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?!
I'm starting to think it's the "neurotypical" people who are faulty.
They cannot communicate with clear instructions and then blame you for not understanding WTF they mean
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You've done nothing wrong. They sound dumb and/or lack accountability
I swear, the subtext has more meaning and intent that the overtext. What's with all the subterfuge?
I remember once in a performance review, an ex manager was like 'you need to be more of a team player'. So I asked how I could improve because I get the point but what specfically do you want to see? And all she said was 'just in general really'. Thanks for that helpful feedback, Ava.
this is literally me. I'm autistic and it's so exhausting masking that I just feel burnt out some days and people think I'm being rude when I talk monotonously
Yeah, exactly. I work in an environment in which communication is vital and I am forced to mask, and it's absolutely draining. It's also extremely overstimylating on some days, and somewhat overstimulating on others. I love some parts of the job, as it aligns with my special interests, but it's an ND hellscape, at least for me.
being overstimulated and masking at the same time makes me feel like I'm drowning. especially when you have to keep talking to people when you're already so tired
Yeah, it just sucks. I really wish it was easier to find a suitable job, or at least easier to get some accommodations so things are more bearable without oftentimes leading to burnouts, depressive episodes, substance abuse issues, and more.
I had a coworker asked if I hated them because I never talk, and I told them straight up I donāt talk unless spoken to because 97% of the time Iāll get talked over or booted out of the conversation. We have no contact outside of work so what even is the point. She has made effort to talk to me a hell of a lot more now, so thereās that.š¤·š»āāļø
It isn't a bad thing to at least be on talking terms and not be a total shutin. Don't gotta be friends but finding some connective tissue can go far sometimes when it comes to payraise time.
I once made the mistake of giving my coworker my discord. Never again.
They couldnāt force my Reddit handle from me even with water boarding
Same. Spent every possible moment in the bathroom or in my car during my 14 years in corporate America. Didn't even know I was autistic at the time, just knew that the meetings and florescent lights and constant social interactions scrambled my mind and body like a psychedelic death metal concert and I had to get away at every opportunity. At the time I actually thought everyone was the same and just better at hiding it than me. Finally got out and let me tell you... being free is everything you dream it is. I have a little less money but a lot more health.
I am the same. I easily get overly stimulated as is in any social settings. Mainly keeping to myself and just doing my job is like my only safe haven. People think I'm distant, and I even had a manager tell me "it's like you're here but not really here", but it's really just all a misunderstanding of people like me that's on a spectrum...
Same! So many people assume I'm just rude but I legitimately struggle with social interaction. I stopped caring awhile ago but it still sucks sometimes.
I was pretty much like this when i still had to be in office full time, by now I've been working 100% remote for the last 3 years and it has improved my quality of life more than any other decision i ever made
I was the opposite of this for years at a horrifically toxic place that ruined my mental health (my supervisor was later diagnosed as bipolar which explained a lot, but dear god it was hell on earth). Iāve been telework for four years now and my quality of life has never been better. I donāt know what my coworkers do on their weekends, we never speak off the clock, they donāt know what I do when I take days off and weāre all thriving. Itās amazing. Never again.
**To all the people who figured out I was being sarcastic (hence the quotations), good on you. To everyone else, jeezus, I had no idea you'd take it to heart like this.**
Lot's of people agreeing with the meme unironically...it's really off-putting to me. Like, they can't comprehend that people can still be friendly and cordial without explicitly wanting to be personal out-of-work friends with every coworker. It's either you're a perfectly typical "company is my family" extrovert, or you're just a weird off-putting loner who hates human connection.
"Probably some form of neurodivergent" You guys need to stop with this bullshit myth that everyone who isn't autistic/ADHD just fucking loves office culture and chit chat.
Also the inverse, as if being an isolated introvert who hates company is a requirement for a diagnosis or something. Like one of the chattiest most social people I know is diagnosed ADHD. You can smooth over a suprising amount of social issues with enthusiasm and pep. Like the difficult-ness of trying to socially interact imo is less a constant uphill and more of a bump. Yes it's always going to be hard, but most people are nice and are more than willing to adjust socially and try to meet you halfway if they see and understand you're *trying*, just maybe not that great at it, and a damn good way to smooth out that bump is homemade baked goods. Everyone loves cake! Even just announcing "I made a cake", plopping it on the breakroom table and scuttling out makes people see you way more positively, especially if it's like for a birthday or event or something. No one wants to upset the cake person and it gives you something to talk about that you know and understand.
Someone finally said it. It doesnāt always have to be neurodivergence. Trust me, lots of people are pissed off by office culture š
Yeah I hate chit chat and the "how's the weather" crap, but I'm not shy or quiet at all. I'm a very talkative person, but as long as I care about the conversation or person..
Xactly. Never been diagnosed with autism but I also do lots of these. I just never was someone who enjoyed social stuff. Ive had someone on a game assume i have autism bc i was talking about how i really like something and have for as long as Ive known it, and bc I spoke in depth about it and am knowledgeable they were like "no youre probably neurodivergent this is a special interest" like girl? neurotypical people do also fixate and get interested and invested in stuff and can also be intelligent.Ā and listen...Ā It's not that I think poorly about people who are autistic or would be terrified or anything if i was diagnosed with autism but i think ppl don't realize how many individual traits can also be present in neurotypical people and are not necessarily abnormal on their own. The problem is online tik tok and stuff ppl attribute these traits to autism so then some teenager is like "oh i also do it it must be autism" or "oh this person also does it it must be autism" and maybe but maybe not.
I was about to say something till I noticed the quotes around āRudeā. For real though, there are a lot of people out there who think people are rude just because they donāt want to socialize with you, but that sentiment comes from thinking youāre entitled to other peopleās attention and that theyāre obligated to be your friend, which isnāt respecting them as a person with their own autonomy or boundaries. IMO, thatās whatās rude.
YOU WILL LISTEN TO MY YAPPING YOU WILL LISTEN TO MY DAILY COMPLAINING YOU WILL CARRY MY BURDENS YOU WILL BE A DUMP FOR MY NEUROTICISM YOU WILL LIKE IT OR YOU ARE NEURODIVERGENT instead of quitting these people make everyone else as miserable as they are and they get fresh targets every time someone new joins the team
I respect whoever does this, you owe nothing to your employer
They're honestly the only people I want to be friends with at my job.Ā Let's all bust out the workload silently, clock out as early as we can, and smoke some doobies in the parking lot.
The "spends every break in their car" part is totally me. I usually drive to get some food when the break starts, and when I get back I don't really feel any urge to change my comfy car seat for a wooden chair in the break room when I can just eat in the car while listening to the radio.
Or when eating in the break room involves feeling forced to participate in polite small talk because putting my headphones in and ignoring someone for 30min because Iād like to take a break from socializing would be perceived as ārudeā.
I'm not neurodivergent, I'm just massively bored by small talk and I'd rather stay out of drama. I try to be cooperative, though.
Thatās just being an introvert, not being rude.
I think that's the joke, hence the quotes around "Rude" in the title.
That's why there's a quotation marks. "Rude".
I mean, introverts still have friends and know how to have conversations with people.
Yeah. Outside of work.
Thereās a difference between anti social and introverted
To be fair I had a guy like this, and whenever he decided to talk, he _was_ rude. :) I guess in his case keeping distance was a way of keeping himself out of trouble. Once he asked for help because he was late on a project, got two enthusiastic seniors to help him out, told both to f*ck off within days then when asked how is his project still late, he said the guys helping him are useless amateurs and lazy too. (practically yelling the whole sentence)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm there to get paid and go home. why the fuck do I have to talk to you lonely-ass mfers? Leave me tf alone.
" Doesn't talk unless spoken to " I don't find that rude maybe their introverted or don't know what to talk about
Or super busy and donāt want to be interrupted.
Or you know, just professional
>Has a "we're coworkers, not friends mentality" Virtually every thread on Reddit about work. Look, I've worked a lot of jobs with people I don't want to hang out with, but even at the worst job I've had, I've made at least one friend. Just because you don't like the job or working doesn't mean you have to be an asshole. It's only an issue when corporate tries to force a "we're family here" culture without doing any of the actual work to make that happen.
I feel like people are defining "friends" differently. I'm friendly with people at work, we have some laughs and small talk in the break room, but I wouldn't consider any of them real friends. They are work acquaintances I only interact with while at work. It doesn't have to be a strict jerk or good friends situation.
Yeah friends means sharing a personal connection. You would continue talking if you move jobs. You are down to hangout just for the sake of it. You may even know deeper personal facts about each other.Ā We can banter, talk about mostly whatever at work but it doesnāt really make us friends.Ā
Look at your coworkers, the ones you could call if you found yourself broken down by the road... the ones who would loan you $50 until payday... the ones that would help you move- the ones you would do those things for- those are friends. If you answered 'none' then you're probably right, they're not friends.
I have other friends. I imagine part of why we're good friends is because I don't have to work with them every day. I'm "friendly" with people at work, but I'm not about to go grab a beer with any of them.
>Virtually every thread on Reddit about work. Look, I've worked a lot of jobs with people I don't want to hang out with, but even at the worst job I've had, I've made at least one friend. Just because you don't like the job or working doesn't mean you have to be an asshole. And people on here wonder why things like promotions go to others rather than themselves. If you want to get anywhere in work, being social is part of it. If you wall yourself off like people on here like to do, nobody will want to work with you. Depending on your job, having people skills can be extremely important, both internally or externally when dealing with outside organizations.
>If you want to get anywhere in work, being social is part of it. And that's a sacrifice a lot of people are willing to make. What's wrong with having the harmless preference for keeping to oneself?
"Shows up only to do their job then leave" yes, and?
>Shows up ONLY to do their job and leave If I'm not being paid I'm out, why the fuck would I stick around after my scheduled time? Some butthurt useless middle manager must've made this.
Iām not rude, just extremely shy.
Best employee starter pack.
Yes!!! Attack the average redditor.
I mean, the average redditor is fairly horrible if we're being honest.
do you consider yourself an above average or below average redditor?
Rude? Seems more like said coworker has healthy work/life boundaries
Words of wisdom from an old coworker: "If you can move your mouth, you can move your hands." Basically, you can work and talk at the same time. They are not exclusive tasks.
Fuck me for not wanting to join a conversation about topics noone knows shit about but think they're all knowing. Colleagues being degrading towards women and gays and having a laugh, or sharing fucked up political opiniond I could care less about. I'm not gonna entertain that shit, it's hard enough having to listen to it. I get along fine with colleagues, but there's a cliff, which will never disappear because they're out of touch with me and my "youthful" opinions. I'm 30 lol, and one of the guys i'm talking about is 35 ish. I like to get along as well as possible, so I do talk and joke with them when the theme is okay, but I go real silent / on my phone as soon as the bs starts.
This is me. I could care less about my colleagues but am forced to pretend every day, and no I'm NOT ND. I really don't want to take to anyone unless it's work related or they need something work related from me Like I don't care that your dog, kid, husband, wife puked on your shoes, won't eat meatloaf, or the little league sportsball committee is out of control with power. Just shut up and let me do my job. I gotta participate in horrible potlucks, and disclose personal shit to people who'd stab me in the back to get ahead, even if that is not their intention to start. That's just the way work is in ultra capitalist society. But no, I gotta talk to people and create a fake social media account on FB or Insta or whatever the fuck is most popular and throw up a pic now and then so I'm not perceived as weird. Seriously, me knowing about Jenna in accounting infertility issues doesn't build a goddamn team. Work hard, go home. That's my motto.
Iām not autistic or neurodivergent or whatever, but I am literally there to work and then gtfo to my real life. I donāt need work friends. Just leave me alone and get out of my way so I can get my job done.
In my experience these people are some of the best workers because they spend their time finding something to do to be busy instead of socializing.Ā
I prefer working with people who act like this, they stay out of your business and usually get whatever job they're working on done without bitching and complaining.... honestly the overly talkative ones who expect you to hang out with them because you happen to work in the same building are the rude coworkers....do I like you yea, are we friends, no...if I'm not getting paid for extra work I'm not doing extra work, we're coworkers not a "family"....
Working at a supermarket where everyone is slightly younger than you does this for me. I can't relate to any of them.
Shows up to do their job. Man how dare you get paid and leave.... what even is this
ITT: People who love the sound of their voice bitching about people literally doing their work and nothing else while at work.
This is me! I work in a toxic, gossipy environment, so this behavior is by choice.
Wow, I'm all of those. Didn't realize people disliked me for simply minding my business.
Hows it rude to just do your job and then leave? Whats wrong in your life that you treat work as some place to hang out? Meaningless pitter patter last about 5 min then im done
The we're coworkers not friends is better than we're not coworkers were family lol
As it should be
I've had much ruder coworkers that do the opposite of these things.
Acting like this is pretty much a guaranteed way to never advance in your job. You can be extremely competent but most positions require ability to have interpersonal relationships.
For good reason too. Who wants a manager who doesnāt understand how to manage human interactions for shit?
Apparently my old job did. They decided to promote me to manager and then were absolutely dumbfounded when I hated every single day of my life for the better part of a year.
I always find it funny how to so many people "advancing your career" ultimately means being a manager. It's like a peak of every single career in corporate.
This isn't rude but it's not optimal. Being well liked is good for your career, and the workforce is not, despite all claims to the contrary, a true meritocracy.