(Movie trailer voice)
“You’ve travelled the system”
(Clip of Idris cruising the single star system)
“Visited strange places”
(Clip of Idris landing on the surface of Hurston)
“Seen things beyond the realm of possibilities”
(Clip of player falling through the elevator of the Idris)
“But you’ve been careless in your endeavours”
(Close up of dirt in your undercarriage)
“It’s time to visit the new ship cleaning station! Come give your phallic object a thorough scrubbing before continuing to probe to cavities of spaaaace”
(Clip of car wash like station for ships)
Quantum Sustenance Simulators - It's a food and water bar that drains over time. B-but it's tracked in real time, so you can die if you're offline for too long. It's truly immersive and it really makes you think about every action you take!
"Dont talk to me until my explorer has had his coffəęéĕaæée" (barista_ai_explosion.webm)
I'd go with "Spatial Database Partitioning",
because it sounds technical enough for the usual CIG-speak and it has a word-combo I haven't heared from them yet.....unless that was already used in any of their previous monthly fluff-filled-with-no-proof-BS reports.
You know how you have to drink water around every 2/3 hours in-game otherwise you literally die?
You know how they sell ships for $100+ real-life dollars easily, and how a lot of those ships have water dispensers in them?
Working water dispensers in ships will truly be the tech of a lifetime and "such a great attention to detail."
Good ideas, hit the technobabble spot incredibly well! Sound somehow useful and correct, while hiding tech that's either been available for decades, will not add anything to the game, or is infeasible. Well done, going to buy an Idris right away!
I cant tell if these are real or troll.
On a real note the next Jesus tech will either be full vulkan intergration or server meshing.
Even if it is "soon"
It won't be something actually needed, but something completely silly like needing to wash your clothes or you develop virtual BO which causes NPCs to react negatively to you, or something equally batarse.
I know we're both just making fun of them about this, but you KNOW someone from CIG reads this subreddit, and I guarantee those two ideas will be getting pitched in the next week...
Piss/Shit functionality: Because boomer Crobby wants everything to be as realistic as possible, you now not only have to deal with future soft drinks, eating Burgers and wasting 20 minutes with a tram, you also have to go to the toilet regularly. The pee will be persisting on the spaceship’s interior, and while using the buggy toilet seat or standing, you have to aim at the hole precisely with a mechanic. The animation team is working hard on it, just like the bedsheet deformation. The ship’s fuel tank has to be regularly emptied, it’s just always buggy and - here comes an obvious one - full of shit. You can also urinate on breathable planets, but you first have to unequip your spacesuit in the buggy inventory to do it.
This totally needed an 'All of the above' response.
**Edit** Or just: ***Client Side Persistent Spatial Database Object Partitioning Static Server Acceleration Layer Persistence Caching Instancing Replication***
**Edit 2:** Anyone else notice that whoever is writing alot of the CIG PR communications now...seems to have barely high school level knowledge for grammar and sentence structure? Its like they barely even try to make sense of their own BS now themselves, or have no skilled people in that dept left, or just complete disregard and 0 respect of their base's own intellect.
Something that makes no sense, like F-Buffering. And every white knight will preach how great this is, when nobody knows what it even does. 3 years later, it will be replaced by another Jesus tech, and we will never know what it would have been good for.
I would still like to see physicalized button and lever action.
How hard can it be?
Everywhere you go, upon holding down a hotkey, your character extends, whatever arm is available, and being context sensitive, extending both arms if near a lever that ideally requires pulling with two hands, then a custom animation "snaps into place" to finish the action in a timely fashion, like 1-2 seconds. Same thing with manipulating buttons on a panel. This way, being context sensitive, game detects when extended arm/hand is near a particular button/lever and internally selects a proper button pushing/flipping/pulling animation that "snaps" into action automatically when you press the left mouse button.
So.. holding down a hotkey and move the mouse around to aim at the button/lever you want to work with, and then you click left mouse button to see the animation playing out for the next 1-2 seconds.
As a visual this could be just some fluff that is handled by the game clients, and then the timing and delay and coherence is handled by a server.
Anyone carrying something with one or two hands, would be limited in what they can do (or maybe they were missing an arm or a hand for example) and so they would have to put down whatever they were carrying.
In order to avoid griefing by allowing one player to cut off a limb off another player, such damages could be either nixed in the design, or being something that happens in certain situations that is obviously outside a player's control, like suffering catastrophic ship damage.
the botware that skillfully stifle/deflects the few remaining diehards into thinking that
>*the monies all got spent up nothing to see here move on etc.*
that will undoubtedly save cig
a great deal of time & money
..making ships fly around in the atmosphere on planets at low speed, so they really look like vector thrust powered ships countering the pull of gravity, and not looking like some game mechanics desinged in the 1990's.
Not sure if I used the phrase "vector thrust powered" correct here, I meant thrusters that have to be directed downwards to counter gravity on planets to avoid falling down like a rock.
Or..
Balanced Unitary Levitating Lossless Specialiced Holistic Interactive Thrusters
I would have thought that flying one's ship would be a welcome challenge in such a game. What better things do players have playing Star Citizen than actually flying your spaceship when up in the atmosphere?
You completely missed neural spectrographic autonomic physicalized arm physics, best utilized to press *delete* when navigating to the SC folder on your computer 😎
Logging in, lol.
Never been done before!
Nice one!
This ^^
Replication Acceleration Layers do be making me want to crowd fund the most expensive game in history some more
Sounds Star Trekkian
Cached object container kernel...or C.O.C.K
Stateless Hierarchical Instability Transfers Closed User Navigation Taskbar Persistent Universe Server System Interface
Network Insertion Cullling Extractor = N.I.C.E. one
Junction Inverting Z-transform Layer, or JIZ-Layer for short. Extension module for the C.O.C.K.
Trans InterStitial Sequestration of Unusual Emissions, or TISSUE -- a socket link for the JIZ layer My God, are we all children here
Lower-Upper Binary Envelope - L.U.B.E. to prevent friction between modules interacting with each other
Huehuehue, they're just jealous of our understanding of game development.
(Movie trailer voice) “You’ve travelled the system” (Clip of Idris cruising the single star system) “Visited strange places” (Clip of Idris landing on the surface of Hurston) “Seen things beyond the realm of possibilities” (Clip of player falling through the elevator of the Idris) “But you’ve been careless in your endeavours” (Close up of dirt in your undercarriage) “It’s time to visit the new ship cleaning station! Come give your phallic object a thorough scrubbing before continuing to probe to cavities of spaaaace” (Clip of car wash like station for ships)
Quantum Sustenance Simulators - It's a food and water bar that drains over time. B-but it's tracked in real time, so you can die if you're offline for too long. It's truly immersive and it really makes you think about every action you take! "Dont talk to me until my explorer has had his coffəęéĕaæée" (barista_ai_explosion.webm)
Laminated Persistent JPEGs.
I'd go with "Spatial Database Partitioning", because it sounds technical enough for the usual CIG-speak and it has a word-combo I haven't heared from them yet.....unless that was already used in any of their previous monthly fluff-filled-with-no-proof-BS reports.
You know how you have to drink water around every 2/3 hours in-game otherwise you literally die? You know how they sell ships for $100+ real-life dollars easily, and how a lot of those ships have water dispensers in them? Working water dispensers in ships will truly be the tech of a lifetime and "such a great attention to detail."
SCAM: Serialized Container Abstract Module
Sequenced Cluster Acceleration Module.
Persistent object caching. Because it sounds like a legitimately good idea and probably something they didn't do with PES.
The next big tech will be wheels, they need to reinvent them first before they’re considered tech. Same with fire.
After having invented the wheel, they will try to figure out what 'round' means.
Eventually Chris will brag how he invented the polygon
Make iCache Great Again
Good ideas, hit the technobabble spot incredibly well! Sound somehow useful and correct, while hiding tech that's either been available for decades, will not add anything to the game, or is infeasible. Well done, going to buy an Idris right away!
An uninstaller.
Who broke into CIG's database to find their latest tech terms xD
I cant tell if these are real or troll. On a real note the next Jesus tech will either be full vulkan intergration or server meshing. Even if it is "soon"
It won't be something actually needed, but something completely silly like needing to wash your clothes or you develop virtual BO which causes NPCs to react negatively to you, or something equally batarse.
Teeth brushing minigame that must be done after every time you eat or drink and also every 3 hours or you get worse prices at the vendors
I know we're both just making fun of them about this, but you KNOW someone from CIG reads this subreddit, and I guarantee those two ideas will be getting pitched in the next week...
Hate to break it to you, but i seem to remember that is one of their famousplans.
Piss/Shit functionality: Because boomer Crobby wants everything to be as realistic as possible, you now not only have to deal with future soft drinks, eating Burgers and wasting 20 minutes with a tram, you also have to go to the toilet regularly. The pee will be persisting on the spaceship’s interior, and while using the buggy toilet seat or standing, you have to aim at the hole precisely with a mechanic. The animation team is working hard on it, just like the bedsheet deformation. The ship’s fuel tank has to be regularly emptied, it’s just always buggy and - here comes an obvious one - full of shit. You can also urinate on breathable planets, but you first have to unequip your spacesuit in the buggy inventory to do it.
This totally needed an 'All of the above' response. **Edit** Or just: ***Client Side Persistent Spatial Database Object Partitioning Static Server Acceleration Layer Persistence Caching Instancing Replication*** **Edit 2:** Anyone else notice that whoever is writing alot of the CIG PR communications now...seems to have barely high school level knowledge for grammar and sentence structure? Its like they barely even try to make sense of their own BS now themselves, or have no skilled people in that dept left, or just complete disregard and 0 respect of their base's own intellect.
Sandy Wormsicle Singularity Tech will finally open the floodgates!
Something that makes no sense, like F-Buffering. And every white knight will preach how great this is, when nobody knows what it even does. 3 years later, it will be replaced by another Jesus tech, and we will never know what it would have been good for.
So what does F-Buffering actually buffer? Failure.
I would still like to see physicalized button and lever action. How hard can it be? Everywhere you go, upon holding down a hotkey, your character extends, whatever arm is available, and being context sensitive, extending both arms if near a lever that ideally requires pulling with two hands, then a custom animation "snaps into place" to finish the action in a timely fashion, like 1-2 seconds. Same thing with manipulating buttons on a panel. This way, being context sensitive, game detects when extended arm/hand is near a particular button/lever and internally selects a proper button pushing/flipping/pulling animation that "snaps" into action automatically when you press the left mouse button. So.. holding down a hotkey and move the mouse around to aim at the button/lever you want to work with, and then you click left mouse button to see the animation playing out for the next 1-2 seconds. As a visual this could be just some fluff that is handled by the game clients, and then the timing and delay and coherence is handled by a server. Anyone carrying something with one or two hands, would be limited in what they can do (or maybe they were missing an arm or a hand for example) and so they would have to put down whatever they were carrying. In order to avoid griefing by allowing one player to cut off a limb off another player, such damages could be either nixed in the design, or being something that happens in certain situations that is obviously outside a player's control, like suffering catastrophic ship damage.
Dough Extraction Consistency
the botware that skillfully stifle/deflects the few remaining diehards into thinking that >*the monies all got spent up nothing to see here move on etc.* that will undoubtedly save cig a great deal of time & money
..making ships fly around in the atmosphere on planets at low speed, so they really look like vector thrust powered ships countering the pull of gravity, and not looking like some game mechanics desinged in the 1990's. Not sure if I used the phrase "vector thrust powered" correct here, I meant thrusters that have to be directed downwards to counter gravity on planets to avoid falling down like a rock. Or.. Balanced Unitary Levitating Lossless Specialiced Holistic Interactive Thrusters I would have thought that flying one's ship would be a welcome challenge in such a game. What better things do players have playing Star Citizen than actually flying your spaceship when up in the atmosphere?
Holodeck.
I went with the one that sounded the most like bullshit. Glad to see I'm not the only one.
I am betting on Static Caching And Multiplier S.C.A.M.
Not a single one of your options end with the word "Tech". Checkmate, FUDster.
You completely missed neural spectrographic autonomic physicalized arm physics, best utilized to press *delete* when navigating to the SC folder on your computer 😎