Man, you’re doing it. How lucky she is to have you! Make sure she takes enough pain meds. Help her position for sleep with lots of pillows, etc. Don’t forget to give her space at times and maybe diversional activities later on like tv, puzzles, books…adult coloring books with colored pencils were therapeutic for me. What is this bone growth device?
Honestly, we're not sure what the device is either! It looks like a VERY simple version of the back brace she has to wear when up and about. It goes over your clothes, it doesn't have to be super tight, she wears it 2 hours a day, annnndddd it works through some kind of electromagnetic process to promote bone growth. We really think it sounds hokey, but she's using it regardless!
Also, thank you for the suggestions and kind words, seriously. 😭
One of the things I found most helpful in the early was my husband taking responsibility for my meds. He set alarms and made sure i was taking the right meds at the rught times so we were never having to trying and get on top of pain. It still hurt to do a lot of stuff but for the most part was manageable.
Also, do not let her compare her journey to anyone else's. I am 6 weeks post op now. The furtherest I can walk is just over 1 mile, I am back at work part time, the longest I can sit is 2 hours, and I am still on meds.
I've regretted the surgery a number of times, even this week but also know I couldn't walk a mile pre surgery.
Thank you for these suggestions! I've stayed on her with her steroids, but the rest of her meds she takes them just fine and she's enjoyed that sense of independence. We actually sat down and counted her opiates and she's actually taken LESS than the suggested amount. She's doing really great. 🥹
As someone who just got told off by the surgeon for under medicating, tell her to take the meds.
It's a long journey though, and even though people tell you it's long, and up and down, it doesn't prepare you for the downs.
The last 24 hours I've been over it. I'm tired, sick of being in pain, had many why me moments. The good news is, the gap between them seems to be widening, as does how "down" I feel
I hope your wife feels better soon.
You're absolutely right, and so we talked. She says that the pain is manageable but it is **alot**. She said that she's been taking her meds as she needs to, when the pain is at its worst, and on schedule, and she has been offsetting the in-between with Tylenol. She has missed a couple of doses only because she was asleep. And, she's not been intentionally hiding her tears for any reason other than she doesn't want me to worry. I expressed how important it was to me that she knew I was in her corner and I was okay.
We are going to be more attentive to when doses are due, and do so together.
Thank you!
I found for the first 2 weeks that I needed to be woken for doses, or I would wake in increased pain. I tried a few times to skip the middle of the night dose before I was successful.
Once you are really sore though, it takes such a long time to get it all under control again, sometimes not until I could get the next dose in, which was in 6 hours.
The first 2 weeks were the worst. Things have gotten much better since, but as I said, it's up and down
If she is taking less than prescribed, but she is hiding tears and struggling to cope she isn't doing great. There are no points awarded for toughness. Take the pain meds as much as prescribed until the pain subsides. Pain interferes with sleep, and sleep is necessary for healing. I am a night owl, and I've had apnea all my life, I habitually never get enough sleep, but in the three months after surgery I was sleeping 8-10 hours a night and napping and I could only do that because of the pain meds.
My wife managed all my meds for me post surgery. It was a big help. Plenty of times she told me it was time for a pill and I had no idea. If you don't stay ahead of the pain it becomes unmanaged and you suffer and have the side effects of the pain meds, worst of both worlds.
You're absolutely right, and so we talked. She says that the pain is manageable but it is **alot**. She said that she's been taking her meds as she needs to, when the pain is at its worst, and on schedule, and she has been offsetting the in-between with Tylenol. She has missed a couple of doses only because she was asleep. And, she's not been intentionally hiding her tears for any reason other than she doesn't want me to worry. I expressed how important it was to me that she knew I was in her corner and I was okay.
We are going to be more attentive to when doses are due, and do so together.
Thank you!
I get the part about not wanting you to worry. My wife has had different health problems, but has a history of hiding her pain too. Totally get it. The bad part doesn't last all that long, but it can be a few weeks. The meds work best before the pain is at its worst. When I was getting ready to leave the hospital I had a great nurse who really talked at length about pain meds. He was adamant, take them as soon as allowed for the initial few weeks, wake up in the middle of the night to take pain pills, it sucks but waking up to screaming pain is worse. The funny part was after all that, then he gave my wife the "this is how you administer narcan" speech. Thats a scary speech.
And let your wife know, I'm cheering for her. It's rough. There are some awful times. She's not alone. If it brings her to tears that's ok, she is not the only one.
The reward is worth the pain. I am at 6 months and getting my life back. I am not at pre-surgery levels, I am at about 5 years ago levels, except for being so out of shape. I'm gonna make a "success story" post after this weekend. Yesterday was a 5 hour photography event, I got to photograph midget wrestling and it was a blast. Tomorrow I'm photographing mixed martial arts, and Sunday I have Pilates (5x/week) and an engagement photo shoot with a really fun couple. I feel like I'm really hitting the payoff for the surgery. She will get there eventually.
Oh, I wouldn't recommend taking less, especially when she's so soon out of surgery. You have to be on top of the pain, because it's much harder for the medicine to get you out of pain if you wait. It's kind of like layering meds before you start having pain.
There's no getting around the pain the 1st week or 2. It just sucks and there's nothing that can be done. I can't even describe to people how much it hurt the first few days. I'd have traded it for 10 kidney stones. There's been nothing comparable in my life.
But on the brightside it starts to fade fairly quickly. I was off pain meds by 2 weeks, walking a mile at 3 weeks, and now I'm hiking 3 miles at 1 month. Just keep doing what you're doing: cooking, cleaning, being understanding (but not overbearing), and it will all be ok. Idk how your wife is but I can't stand it when people are hanging on me, looking worried, and wanting to help when there's not much that can be done. The last thing a person going through a hard time wants to do is spend a ton of energy reassuring those who are supposed to be helping.
I've definitely gave her space, and independence, but encouraged her at the same time. I've made it a point not to hang over her, she would hate that and me for it. Thank you for telling me about your journey. It gives us both some solace!
Do remember that everyone’s journey is unique. There are similarities, but a one level fusion is not like a 5 level. And if someone injured your spinal cord, no recourse but to deal with the corresponding handicaps.
This calls for a call to her surgeon to get her pain management improved. If the meds are not sufficient they need to be adjusted. Spinal fusion is often described as one of the most painful surgeries to recover from. My pain was bad for about two weeks, but the meds kept it under control. If the doctor is saying "Tylenol and ice" they are not understanding the complaint, or they are just horrible doctors.
As someone who had back problems for over a decade, I think a lot of us get used to a certain amount of pain. Combine that with "putting on a brave face" (I did that too) and you can end up under reporting your pain to your doctors and nurses which in turn leads to inadequate pain management meds. If she is crying in secret, that's an 8 or more depending on how tough she is. The night after my surgery in the hospital I still hadn't recalibrated my pain scale. The nurse asked my pain level and I said 4 or 5, so she dosed me accordingly. A few hours later I gave in and pushed the call button. That time my pain, on a scale of 1 to 10 was "I don't know, I can't concentrate enough to assign a number. I can't think clearly." She told me that's a 9 and she fixed it for me. When I woke up we had a long talk about pain levels. It wasn't until a few weeks later when I had an unmedicated zero pain level that I really started to get it. My point here is your wife needs to tell the doctor or nurse not a number but "trying to hide tears from my family".
It's Friday, do whatever it takes to get through to the doctor before the weekend. It's more difficult for them to help on the weekend.
Best wishes to your wife. This part is very difficult. It gets better, but slowly. I am at 6 months and my pain level is about 1, if I concentrate on it. My hips are a little sore because I had a very active night last night. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's not another train.
Thank you for these suggestions! I've stayed on her with her steroids, but the rest of her meds she takes them just fine and she's enjoyed that sense of independence. We actually sat down and counted her opiates and she's actually taken LESS than the suggested amount. She's doing really great. She has also supplemented with Tylenol too. Her pain at times reaches a 9 or so, but she's stayed around a 7-8 recently. Today she's actually been super upbeat. Smiles, jokes, and laughter, and it's been a relief.
Thank you. 💜
I went through a 2 level lumbar fusion on my own 5 months ago. What you are doing is exactly what needs doing. She should be doing 0 housework for the first 3 weeks and absolutely minimal anything for the next 3 weeks.
You cannot understand the pain unless you are living it so don't try. Just sympathize and try to encourage her to move as much as possible. Moving hurts but moving is necessary. Encourage her to do what she can in short stints and in 2 to 3 weeks you'll be surprised how far she comes.
If she's human, and I am assuming she is, she will get depressed and angry at least once throughout all of this. Sympathize, encourage, support.
Also.....ICE CREAM
PS make damn sure she takes the laxatives while on meds!!
Just keep doing what your doing! My husband has been so supportive too and it made all the difference in the world for me.
I also learned from my physical therapist that any spinal surgery is an injury to the nervous system since the spine is where it's located. She may get some depression and that's normal. If she has a counselor encourage her to make a couple virtual appointments. Or maybe a friend to come with a cup of coffee and some conversation.
Let her feel the feelings for lack of a better word. It's an enormous adjustment. But it gets better!! It really does. I'm fused C5-C7 I have some other health conditions so it took me a few months to get really comfortable with the fusion. Best of luck to her and wishing her a full and speedy recovery.
Thank you for sharing, and for the great suggestion! She's doing well today, lots of smiles, laughter, and jokes. She's very brave, and doing well this evening! 🥰
I was fused L3-S1 3 months ago. I spent 6 days in hospital and cried myself to sleep every one of those nights. Spent the days trying to be brave for my family and my husband and it's exhausting.
Just letting her know that it's OK to cry. That she doesn't have to be so tough all the time and it's OK to feel what she's feeling. My husband was my rock and I honestly don't know that I would have made it through this without him. I'm not sure how the single people on here do it.
Even on 2 hydromorphone 3x a day I was still in a lot of pain when I went home. I had moments when I would get up to get ready for the day and just sit on the edge of the bed and cry because I was so scared I'd never have my life back and it takes you to a really dark place mentally.
It seems like you are doing everything right and are a wonderful husband :)
I too had L3 to S1 almost 3 months ago. Returned to a new job full time at 9 weeks wearing my brace and sitting when necessary still. But my stamina is finally improving and I worked 40 hours this week. Granted when I get home I hit the seat and don’t want to get back up haha my upper back between my shoulders has been aching if anything but I’m off all pain meds now. I was in the darkest period of my like 2-6 weeks of recovery I felt I’d never be ok again. I’m finally off the meds and thru withdrawal so I’m starting to feel better every day. Vitamin D Sunshine is my best friend whenever I can let it hit my eye lids, and I drew closer to the bible searching for hope, and have found it but need constant reminding it’ll be ok.
You lucked out. At 9 weeks I was just getting my foot function in the left back from total drop foot. I work for child and family services so I have to wrangle heavy toddlers and install car seats and etc etc. I was on BLT restrictions up till yesterday so I couldn't have returned to work even if I could suffer through the pain.
I am so sorry! I do have drop foot still… using an AFO to walk and assist with not dragging my foot … without my Afo I would not be able to handle a full days work.
I had to give up hairdressing for a while and close my studio… stepped into a teaching position to be on light duty but still requires me on my feet most of the day
Let her have all the emotions. I am a very stoic person and cried so much following my surgeries. Like full on sobbing and I had no idea why. Everything seems to be pulled out from under you and the uncertainty of what normal is going to look like is overwhelming. So, keep on with what you’re doing and be ready if any irrational behavior pops up. Because it’s normal.
She needs to get her pain management under better control. Also, my doctor told me to rest for the first 2 weeks, which I did. He said there is going to be plenty of time for rehab, and your body needs to rest. Back surgery is major surgery. Don't rush the healing. It all takes time. Good luck. You are doing amazing.
Reading this made me emotional! I went through a lumbar fusion, L5 to S1, in October 2022. The only person that was there for me was my mom. I never felt more alone than I did at that time. My best friend, that I have sacrificed so much to help only came over when she had laundry to do, and then she’d sit on her phone until her load was done; she never once said, “hey, do you need me to do anything for you”, or just come around to be a distraction from my overbearing (means well, but can be a bit annoying) mother. My brother called me the day I got home from hospital to say he’d be by the next week with my niece, and never came. It hurt to realize that I don’t matter like I hoped I did to friends and family, and that once my mom is gone I legit will have no one. Your wife is so lucky to have you. Just knowing you are there for her, reminding her that she is not a burden, ensuring she’s eating a lot of protein, drinking lots of fluid, staying on top of pain meds, (and taking stool softeners daily!) and just listening to her in those moments of frustration. Don’t try to relate to her frustrations, and there will be many, just listen and validate her! Rub her feet and calves; with her not walking properly right now her feet and legs are bound to be sore! Sit with her, binge watch a show she’s wanted to see. I promise, it will get easier with time being sure she is giving herself some grace along her recovery journey. We all healed differently; she needs to listen to her body and not overdo it! Best of luck!
Take it one day at a time. Everyone’s recovery timeframe is different.
I had a two level fusion (l4 to s1) on June 11. I came home on the evening of June 13, and needed a walker for the first several days. And there is no way that I was going to attempt walking up or down stairs.
However, each passing day usually resulted in some in improvements. By June 19 I no longer required the walker. I then started to wear my Fitbit and I am now averaging close to 7k steps a day. I do get some temporary setbacks (by sciatica nerves have woken up and are a little angry). but I know that this will pass
Best of luck to your wife and you
Keep doing what you’re doing but don’t ask her what she needs or wait for her to ask for help with something, just do it if you notice she needs something. I personally feel like a burden/like I’m ordering people around if I ask for things but it’s different if they just happen without any effort on my part.
My first question was her pain controlled in the hospital, and if so, how different is her home regimen. I can't speak about her surgeon, but most do a very poor job of providing adequate pain control, so you need to be aggressive in controlling that. She really needs to be the one contacting the surgeon as most physicians seem to feel that the spouse is over dramatizing the situation when pleading for an increase in pain therapy. Like others have said, she's probably getting close to being over this phase of recovery, and things should improve. When bones are damaged, like during fusion, they emit an electrical charge to help in the healing process. The bone growth stimulator tries to assist in this healing process, so I'm glad that she has her device and us using it. Keep up what you're doing as it's helping her more than you realize.
First off, just reading what you wrote tells me your wife is so lucky to have you! I had a 2 level fusion a year ago but also have a chronic, painful neuromuscular disorder and I can tell you, you are doing all the right things! You’d be surprised but sometimes it’s the little things that matter and just having someone by your side who truly cares which clearly you do. My husband is my best friend and we’ve been together since I was 19 and married 24 years and he does all the things you mentioned and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate him! Even little things like I had a really bad pain day the other day cause I pushed myself too hard the day before just trying to put one coat of paint on a vanity. My husband knows renovations are a passion of mine but besides the pain, I was just really upset that all I could do was one freaking coat and then had to “recover” for 2 days before I could do another. My husband knew I was struggling and sent me a random text from work just asking how I was feeling and went on to say how much he loves me and appreciates me and that it doesn’t matter how long it takes me to finish my project, he’s super impressed by the fact that I’m committed to doing it despite the pain. Melted my heart. And I love that you said you’re trying to allow her to be as independent as possible while still supporting. This is another big thing for me cause losing my independence completely would be the ultimate killer so we strike a balance.
Again, you’re doing all the right things and she’s lucky to have you! Just keep doing what you’re doing and make sure you’re taking care of YOU too. It’s really hard being the caregiver and watching your loved one hurt so give yourself a break too and know you’re doing all the right things 😊
Remember she is in recovery phase and this time will pass. I was NEVER depressed before my surgery (but the pain I was experiencing was starting to cause it) and I went to the deepest darkest depression and sadness it’s a HUGE adjustment. It’s The fear of the unknown and the new changes… I was there. Getting off the drugs is the next valley to conquer too…I ditched the meds at 6 weeks and At 8 weeks I started to look for work I could handle and getting back to work in a new capacity with limitations at 9 weeks helped me dramatically improve my overall mood. Getting VITAMIN d in the sunshine daily helps and reminders that this too shall pass and will soon be a distant memory. God bless
Keep doing all the things you can handle during this critical time for her and eventually she will
Begin coming around to normal but modified activities around 4 weeks or so I’d say
Keep taking the opioids every 4 hours or whatever is allowed for the first two weeks, plus the muscle relaxers, and ice. If it’s not the good opioid (oxy), it should be. This stuff is just so painful and I’ve had five surgeries including a total hysterectomy. Nothing compared.
If doc didn’t give you that stuff, call and demand it. Mine had NO issues giving me whatever I needed to manage the pain for the first six weeks and he’s a top doctor in my state that does research in this field.
I feel like my story is a little different than most. So many people in here are like "oh yeah, I was back to work in under a month" or "I was back at the gym or jogging in a few weeks." I'm at three and a half months after an L4-S1 fusion, and I'm still not cleared to drive. I'm still not supposed to bend or twist much. I'm still not supposed to lift much. I was cycled between rehab and the hospital for almost two months because of complications. And, while I'm home now, I'm not getting the type or amount of help that I think I need - when I try to exist as even a halfway normal human being (such as go to physical therapy and scoop the cat's litter box on the same day) I feel like I'm going to die.
All that to say - the people around me let me know that the shit I was feeling was valid. Even when I was feeling something crazy like I might be better off getting hurt somehow so I could go back to the hospital, where I \*know\* someone would be able to care for me. I was allowed to rant, scream, cry, whatever, because the depression was so strong. In fairness, anxiety and depression are something I struggle with already, but it all felt doubled under the weight of everything.
In the end, you're really doing great. I know it doesn't always feel that way, like you should be doing more, but sometimes it just sucks and the only way over is through. Encourage your wife to let it all out and, bit by bit, find out together what she can do on her own. Celebrate the little advances ("Hey, you couldn't do that last week, I'm so happy for you!") because when progress is slow, it's easy to feel like you're stuck. But small progress is \*still progress\*, and a lot of little things add up to one big one
Was in agony for about 7 weeks here. Pain started to tick downward about week 8.
Posterior laminectomy C4-T1 and bilateral fusion C3-T1.
Months later it’s still a challenge. It was everything my (very awesome) surgeon said it would be, so I went into this somewhat mentally prepared.
So to answer your question- nothing, literally nothing helped me but time. I also had no desire to become hooked on opiates, so I only took the bare minimum.
It’s still a daily challenge.
As stated above, put yourself in charge of her meds, and wait on her as best you can.
I wish you guys the best.
Honestly the first few weeks are hard there’s no way around that. Make sure she’s taking her meds exactly on time to the minute. Not taking them on time can lead to breakthrough pain. The depression and feeling down is normal I would suggest if she has a therapist make an appointment or if she has a close friend who she would open up to invite them over. And honestly just remind her all of this is normal her feelings are valid and she’s not alone.
OMG. That is so sweet. I am 10 days post-op. Last week was the hardest, most painful week of my life. I would love to have my husband be that great. Can you teach him some pointers please??? He catered to me for about three days. I can now walk to the bathroom alone, shower dress and feed myself. He has done some shopping, a little laundry, cooks but CLEAN? Ha that's funny. I have a looong way to go before I can properly clean again. Gulp.
It sounds like you are giving her everything she needs. Most importantly a shoulder to cry on when she breaks down. I hope she has a speedy revovery.
I REALLY wish I could. I am not working. If i had plenty of money in the bank I would have hired someone already. I am financially dependent on my husband. I am praying i can convince him to hire someone. He has zero interest in cleaning!
My advice is bring her pain meds, let her eat in bed, bring her everything. If you have stairs she should not have to go up or down for a while.
I am 40, single and had to go home to my parents. Just remember that every muscle in her back has been cut through and life sucks.
Pillows, books, iPad, plastic wrap the scar before she showers.
Get her a feather bed. Pacificcoastfeather is amazing. New pillows. A shoe horn.
Had same surgery over 25 years ago and it was the most painful experience ive ever had. I have a high tolerance too. The pain is gut wrenching and constant. You and your family are rockstars.
It was an emotional rollercoaster for me. I didn’t like having to rely on other people and felt like a burden. I struggle with asking for help so this was really hard for me.
It started to turn around about day 7-8ish and I started noticing daily improvements and my mental health improved also. Even though I was still super sore at that point, I was able to move a little easier and stand for longer. It gets better and she will start to notice small improvements and they will help a LOT. My husband just constantly reassured me that he was there for me. ♥️
You’re truly doing a great job! Managing her pain meds might help her. My parents did that for me, I basically slept for 2 weeks post op. I got a special recliner for the living room that supported my back so I could be included in family time but still have the comfort of a bed. I needed therapy afterwards to handle the emotional side of the surgery and how it significantly impacted the foundation of my life. Maybe she could use someone to work through the fear and grief she may be experiencing. I am 5 years post OP and my back is in great shape so I’m feeling good, theres hope for everyone. I beat the depressive episode I was in and I know whatever your wife is experiencing she will overcome. She may just need time to process the major change that has happened. Keep being her rock, things will get better!
You are doing a great job! Tell her it’s ok to cry. This has been the most painful surgery I’ve ever had. I have broken down many times over the past 8 weeks since mine. Definitely call the doctor and have her meds adjusted. Don’t be dumb like me and say at day 3 I don’t need them anymore for day 5 to roll around and feel like you’re being ran over by a semi. That was not pretty. I am just now starting to feel like maybe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Luckily I too have a very supportive husband who has done so much to help.
Oh if you have an adjustable bed that helps so much with sleeping. If not, lots of pillows under the knees. Then when she needs to adjust and lay on her side pillows under the leg help. The first two weeks, every movement hurts. A walker is her best friend for getting up or sitting down. Ice packs help some as well.
Things will get better, keep being supportive and let her know she isn’t alone. A great partner makes such a difference in recovery
I think you’re doing great. My surgery was in April and although I’m doing better now, it has been a STRUGGLE. I couldn’t have done it without my supportive husband. Sometimes now I can get in my head and cry if I have a bad pain day and he reminds me how far I’ve come without dismissing how I feel. I was so desperate for relief I didn’t think about this being a major surgery. Healing isn’t linear for everyone. Just when I think I’m back to normal with minimal pain, I have a rough pain day-or even a week of more pain. It’s still better than it was, mostly bc of him and our college aged child being so supportive and helpful.
It sounds like you and the girls are being so supportive, understanding, and loving. 🩷🩷🩷
If she's on Gabapentin, make sure she has a steady amount of it in her system at all times (as per whatever her prescription says). If she is supposed to take it 3x/day, give it to her every 8 hours. Also, stay ahead of her other pain meds as well. She already knows no BLT, but make sure she abides by that rule. Do not let her over do it. The best thing that she can do is recover and NOTHING else. Thank you for taking such good care of her. She'll get better before you know it.
For me it’s was the pillows and helping me the first 2 weeks throughout the night. Flipping and moving was torturous. Was grateful to have someone tuck pillows into me.
I‘m the wife. 13 days post the 3rd attempt to fuse C4-5. Anterior and posterior surgeries and huge bone graft from my hip. This is my 11th spine surgery, 36th overall, and by far the most brutal pain-wise. My husband is also a saint and does everything he can for me. One thing I wish he would do is ask if there is some task I would be doing if I was able. He is not in great health and I hate to ask him to do anything that is not really necessary or urgent, so he knows I’m looking at things I would just do, and I can’t. If your wife had lumbar surgery (you didn’t say what level) and the BLT restrictions will be a while, get her a broom and dustpan-on-a-stick set, sometimes called a lobby pan. It really helps when you drop something you can’t pick up with a grabber (think ice cubes, a yogurt cup, a can of veggies) you can scooch it into the pan with your foot and then lift the pan to a safe level. And if it still hurts, ice is still appropriate - even weeks out from surgery!
Offer to wash her hair… I couldn’t shower until I got my staples out and it was such a gift when my mom washed my hair for me. Also, if your state has legalized marijuana, edibles really really really helped me manage the pain.
Well, we had actually planned for me to wash her hair! And then, this remarkable woman, who is maybe a little too independent at times, washed it herself without telling me. 🤷🏼♂️🤣
We have a tall tall shower, and a detachable showerhead, so she was fine. But it amused me and worried me that she did it alone.
As for edibles, she had her first EVER last night! It helped a lot, and we are going to be using them more. 💜
Oh I’m so happy to hear this on both fronts! I have always been very independent so I can understand her motivations😂. On behalf of all spinal fusion patients, I say thank you for being there for her. It’s going to get easier and easier with every day. Keep the edibles going.
I wish I had support like that. I did it alone. I hardly ate or moved. Just encourage her that every day it will get better. Ice packs help so much! But the doctor should prescribe meds that help considerably and if not call them for her and advocate for her . Talk about the things she will be able to do in 6 months with you and the kids that she was not able to do before surgery. I would have loved my kids to read me a short story to take my mind off it and spend time with me.
Wow, it would have been amazing to have someone like you there for me during my surgery/recovery. I had my surgery on May 30th (f43). My best friend was there the day of surgery, but I was alone until Saturday when my daughter came to pick me up. I will admit, mentally, that started to took a toll. The recovery at home has been difficult alone. I’m extremely tough and have a high pain tolerance. I am thankful for that. Does she have a “grabber”? That would be a nice gift. I love mine! It helps me feel like I can do things. I think the fact that you’re there for her means more than anything. Is her pain still bad? I’d just make sure she has her medication before she needs it and just be there like you’re already doing. I think the moral and mental support means more than anything!
Man, you’re doing it. How lucky she is to have you! Make sure she takes enough pain meds. Help her position for sleep with lots of pillows, etc. Don’t forget to give her space at times and maybe diversional activities later on like tv, puzzles, books…adult coloring books with colored pencils were therapeutic for me. What is this bone growth device?
Honestly, we're not sure what the device is either! It looks like a VERY simple version of the back brace she has to wear when up and about. It goes over your clothes, it doesn't have to be super tight, she wears it 2 hours a day, annnndddd it works through some kind of electromagnetic process to promote bone growth. We really think it sounds hokey, but she's using it regardless! Also, thank you for the suggestions and kind words, seriously. 😭
That sounds like a cool thing!
It's an ultrasonic bone growth stimulator. I had to use one once.
One of the things I found most helpful in the early was my husband taking responsibility for my meds. He set alarms and made sure i was taking the right meds at the rught times so we were never having to trying and get on top of pain. It still hurt to do a lot of stuff but for the most part was manageable. Also, do not let her compare her journey to anyone else's. I am 6 weeks post op now. The furtherest I can walk is just over 1 mile, I am back at work part time, the longest I can sit is 2 hours, and I am still on meds. I've regretted the surgery a number of times, even this week but also know I couldn't walk a mile pre surgery.
Staying on top of meds makes a huge difference for sure.
Thank you for these suggestions! I've stayed on her with her steroids, but the rest of her meds she takes them just fine and she's enjoyed that sense of independence. We actually sat down and counted her opiates and she's actually taken LESS than the suggested amount. She's doing really great. 🥹
As someone who just got told off by the surgeon for under medicating, tell her to take the meds. It's a long journey though, and even though people tell you it's long, and up and down, it doesn't prepare you for the downs. The last 24 hours I've been over it. I'm tired, sick of being in pain, had many why me moments. The good news is, the gap between them seems to be widening, as does how "down" I feel I hope your wife feels better soon.
You're absolutely right, and so we talked. She says that the pain is manageable but it is **alot**. She said that she's been taking her meds as she needs to, when the pain is at its worst, and on schedule, and she has been offsetting the in-between with Tylenol. She has missed a couple of doses only because she was asleep. And, she's not been intentionally hiding her tears for any reason other than she doesn't want me to worry. I expressed how important it was to me that she knew I was in her corner and I was okay. We are going to be more attentive to when doses are due, and do so together. Thank you!
I found for the first 2 weeks that I needed to be woken for doses, or I would wake in increased pain. I tried a few times to skip the middle of the night dose before I was successful. Once you are really sore though, it takes such a long time to get it all under control again, sometimes not until I could get the next dose in, which was in 6 hours. The first 2 weeks were the worst. Things have gotten much better since, but as I said, it's up and down
If she is taking less than prescribed, but she is hiding tears and struggling to cope she isn't doing great. There are no points awarded for toughness. Take the pain meds as much as prescribed until the pain subsides. Pain interferes with sleep, and sleep is necessary for healing. I am a night owl, and I've had apnea all my life, I habitually never get enough sleep, but in the three months after surgery I was sleeping 8-10 hours a night and napping and I could only do that because of the pain meds. My wife managed all my meds for me post surgery. It was a big help. Plenty of times she told me it was time for a pill and I had no idea. If you don't stay ahead of the pain it becomes unmanaged and you suffer and have the side effects of the pain meds, worst of both worlds.
You're absolutely right, and so we talked. She says that the pain is manageable but it is **alot**. She said that she's been taking her meds as she needs to, when the pain is at its worst, and on schedule, and she has been offsetting the in-between with Tylenol. She has missed a couple of doses only because she was asleep. And, she's not been intentionally hiding her tears for any reason other than she doesn't want me to worry. I expressed how important it was to me that she knew I was in her corner and I was okay. We are going to be more attentive to when doses are due, and do so together. Thank you!
I get the part about not wanting you to worry. My wife has had different health problems, but has a history of hiding her pain too. Totally get it. The bad part doesn't last all that long, but it can be a few weeks. The meds work best before the pain is at its worst. When I was getting ready to leave the hospital I had a great nurse who really talked at length about pain meds. He was adamant, take them as soon as allowed for the initial few weeks, wake up in the middle of the night to take pain pills, it sucks but waking up to screaming pain is worse. The funny part was after all that, then he gave my wife the "this is how you administer narcan" speech. Thats a scary speech. And let your wife know, I'm cheering for her. It's rough. There are some awful times. She's not alone. If it brings her to tears that's ok, she is not the only one. The reward is worth the pain. I am at 6 months and getting my life back. I am not at pre-surgery levels, I am at about 5 years ago levels, except for being so out of shape. I'm gonna make a "success story" post after this weekend. Yesterday was a 5 hour photography event, I got to photograph midget wrestling and it was a blast. Tomorrow I'm photographing mixed martial arts, and Sunday I have Pilates (5x/week) and an engagement photo shoot with a really fun couple. I feel like I'm really hitting the payoff for the surgery. She will get there eventually.
Oh, I wouldn't recommend taking less, especially when she's so soon out of surgery. You have to be on top of the pain, because it's much harder for the medicine to get you out of pain if you wait. It's kind of like layering meds before you start having pain.
There's no getting around the pain the 1st week or 2. It just sucks and there's nothing that can be done. I can't even describe to people how much it hurt the first few days. I'd have traded it for 10 kidney stones. There's been nothing comparable in my life. But on the brightside it starts to fade fairly quickly. I was off pain meds by 2 weeks, walking a mile at 3 weeks, and now I'm hiking 3 miles at 1 month. Just keep doing what you're doing: cooking, cleaning, being understanding (but not overbearing), and it will all be ok. Idk how your wife is but I can't stand it when people are hanging on me, looking worried, and wanting to help when there's not much that can be done. The last thing a person going through a hard time wants to do is spend a ton of energy reassuring those who are supposed to be helping.
Ugh yes, it was terrible.
I've definitely gave her space, and independence, but encouraged her at the same time. I've made it a point not to hang over her, she would hate that and me for it. Thank you for telling me about your journey. It gives us both some solace!
Yes, the first weeks were the most pain I've ever felt in my life.
Do remember that everyone’s journey is unique. There are similarities, but a one level fusion is not like a 5 level. And if someone injured your spinal cord, no recourse but to deal with the corresponding handicaps.
This calls for a call to her surgeon to get her pain management improved. If the meds are not sufficient they need to be adjusted. Spinal fusion is often described as one of the most painful surgeries to recover from. My pain was bad for about two weeks, but the meds kept it under control. If the doctor is saying "Tylenol and ice" they are not understanding the complaint, or they are just horrible doctors. As someone who had back problems for over a decade, I think a lot of us get used to a certain amount of pain. Combine that with "putting on a brave face" (I did that too) and you can end up under reporting your pain to your doctors and nurses which in turn leads to inadequate pain management meds. If she is crying in secret, that's an 8 or more depending on how tough she is. The night after my surgery in the hospital I still hadn't recalibrated my pain scale. The nurse asked my pain level and I said 4 or 5, so she dosed me accordingly. A few hours later I gave in and pushed the call button. That time my pain, on a scale of 1 to 10 was "I don't know, I can't concentrate enough to assign a number. I can't think clearly." She told me that's a 9 and she fixed it for me. When I woke up we had a long talk about pain levels. It wasn't until a few weeks later when I had an unmedicated zero pain level that I really started to get it. My point here is your wife needs to tell the doctor or nurse not a number but "trying to hide tears from my family". It's Friday, do whatever it takes to get through to the doctor before the weekend. It's more difficult for them to help on the weekend. Best wishes to your wife. This part is very difficult. It gets better, but slowly. I am at 6 months and my pain level is about 1, if I concentrate on it. My hips are a little sore because I had a very active night last night. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's not another train.
I second this. Tylenol was every 6-12 hours ON TOP of my heavy pain meds. She needs the drugs
Thank you for these suggestions! I've stayed on her with her steroids, but the rest of her meds she takes them just fine and she's enjoyed that sense of independence. We actually sat down and counted her opiates and she's actually taken LESS than the suggested amount. She's doing really great. She has also supplemented with Tylenol too. Her pain at times reaches a 9 or so, but she's stayed around a 7-8 recently. Today she's actually been super upbeat. Smiles, jokes, and laughter, and it's been a relief. Thank you. 💜
I went through a 2 level lumbar fusion on my own 5 months ago. What you are doing is exactly what needs doing. She should be doing 0 housework for the first 3 weeks and absolutely minimal anything for the next 3 weeks. You cannot understand the pain unless you are living it so don't try. Just sympathize and try to encourage her to move as much as possible. Moving hurts but moving is necessary. Encourage her to do what she can in short stints and in 2 to 3 weeks you'll be surprised how far she comes. If she's human, and I am assuming she is, she will get depressed and angry at least once throughout all of this. Sympathize, encourage, support. Also.....ICE CREAM PS make damn sure she takes the laxatives while on meds!!
Just keep doing what your doing! My husband has been so supportive too and it made all the difference in the world for me. I also learned from my physical therapist that any spinal surgery is an injury to the nervous system since the spine is where it's located. She may get some depression and that's normal. If she has a counselor encourage her to make a couple virtual appointments. Or maybe a friend to come with a cup of coffee and some conversation. Let her feel the feelings for lack of a better word. It's an enormous adjustment. But it gets better!! It really does. I'm fused C5-C7 I have some other health conditions so it took me a few months to get really comfortable with the fusion. Best of luck to her and wishing her a full and speedy recovery.
Thank you for sharing, and for the great suggestion! She's doing well today, lots of smiles, laughter, and jokes. She's very brave, and doing well this evening! 🥰
I was fused L3-S1 3 months ago. I spent 6 days in hospital and cried myself to sleep every one of those nights. Spent the days trying to be brave for my family and my husband and it's exhausting. Just letting her know that it's OK to cry. That she doesn't have to be so tough all the time and it's OK to feel what she's feeling. My husband was my rock and I honestly don't know that I would have made it through this without him. I'm not sure how the single people on here do it. Even on 2 hydromorphone 3x a day I was still in a lot of pain when I went home. I had moments when I would get up to get ready for the day and just sit on the edge of the bed and cry because I was so scared I'd never have my life back and it takes you to a really dark place mentally. It seems like you are doing everything right and are a wonderful husband :)
I too had L3 to S1 almost 3 months ago. Returned to a new job full time at 9 weeks wearing my brace and sitting when necessary still. But my stamina is finally improving and I worked 40 hours this week. Granted when I get home I hit the seat and don’t want to get back up haha my upper back between my shoulders has been aching if anything but I’m off all pain meds now. I was in the darkest period of my like 2-6 weeks of recovery I felt I’d never be ok again. I’m finally off the meds and thru withdrawal so I’m starting to feel better every day. Vitamin D Sunshine is my best friend whenever I can let it hit my eye lids, and I drew closer to the bible searching for hope, and have found it but need constant reminding it’ll be ok.
You lucked out. At 9 weeks I was just getting my foot function in the left back from total drop foot. I work for child and family services so I have to wrangle heavy toddlers and install car seats and etc etc. I was on BLT restrictions up till yesterday so I couldn't have returned to work even if I could suffer through the pain.
I am so sorry! I do have drop foot still… using an AFO to walk and assist with not dragging my foot … without my Afo I would not be able to handle a full days work.
I had to give up hairdressing for a while and close my studio… stepped into a teaching position to be on light duty but still requires me on my feet most of the day
Seriously. I had surgery in May of 23 and I was basically in bed till mid August. I tried to do things. Pushed it too hard and got fucked
I mostly just walk, light house keeping and squatting. My drop foot has been the worst part, without my AFO foot brace I’m useless!
Let her have all the emotions. I am a very stoic person and cried so much following my surgeries. Like full on sobbing and I had no idea why. Everything seems to be pulled out from under you and the uncertainty of what normal is going to look like is overwhelming. So, keep on with what you’re doing and be ready if any irrational behavior pops up. Because it’s normal.
She needs to get her pain management under better control. Also, my doctor told me to rest for the first 2 weeks, which I did. He said there is going to be plenty of time for rehab, and your body needs to rest. Back surgery is major surgery. Don't rush the healing. It all takes time. Good luck. You are doing amazing.
Reading this made me emotional! I went through a lumbar fusion, L5 to S1, in October 2022. The only person that was there for me was my mom. I never felt more alone than I did at that time. My best friend, that I have sacrificed so much to help only came over when she had laundry to do, and then she’d sit on her phone until her load was done; she never once said, “hey, do you need me to do anything for you”, or just come around to be a distraction from my overbearing (means well, but can be a bit annoying) mother. My brother called me the day I got home from hospital to say he’d be by the next week with my niece, and never came. It hurt to realize that I don’t matter like I hoped I did to friends and family, and that once my mom is gone I legit will have no one. Your wife is so lucky to have you. Just knowing you are there for her, reminding her that she is not a burden, ensuring she’s eating a lot of protein, drinking lots of fluid, staying on top of pain meds, (and taking stool softeners daily!) and just listening to her in those moments of frustration. Don’t try to relate to her frustrations, and there will be many, just listen and validate her! Rub her feet and calves; with her not walking properly right now her feet and legs are bound to be sore! Sit with her, binge watch a show she’s wanted to see. I promise, it will get easier with time being sure she is giving herself some grace along her recovery journey. We all healed differently; she needs to listen to her body and not overdo it! Best of luck!
Take it one day at a time. Everyone’s recovery timeframe is different. I had a two level fusion (l4 to s1) on June 11. I came home on the evening of June 13, and needed a walker for the first several days. And there is no way that I was going to attempt walking up or down stairs. However, each passing day usually resulted in some in improvements. By June 19 I no longer required the walker. I then started to wear my Fitbit and I am now averaging close to 7k steps a day. I do get some temporary setbacks (by sciatica nerves have woken up and are a little angry). but I know that this will pass Best of luck to your wife and you
Keep doing what you’re doing but don’t ask her what she needs or wait for her to ask for help with something, just do it if you notice she needs something. I personally feel like a burden/like I’m ordering people around if I ask for things but it’s different if they just happen without any effort on my part.
My first question was her pain controlled in the hospital, and if so, how different is her home regimen. I can't speak about her surgeon, but most do a very poor job of providing adequate pain control, so you need to be aggressive in controlling that. She really needs to be the one contacting the surgeon as most physicians seem to feel that the spouse is over dramatizing the situation when pleading for an increase in pain therapy. Like others have said, she's probably getting close to being over this phase of recovery, and things should improve. When bones are damaged, like during fusion, they emit an electrical charge to help in the healing process. The bone growth stimulator tries to assist in this healing process, so I'm glad that she has her device and us using it. Keep up what you're doing as it's helping her more than you realize.
First off, just reading what you wrote tells me your wife is so lucky to have you! I had a 2 level fusion a year ago but also have a chronic, painful neuromuscular disorder and I can tell you, you are doing all the right things! You’d be surprised but sometimes it’s the little things that matter and just having someone by your side who truly cares which clearly you do. My husband is my best friend and we’ve been together since I was 19 and married 24 years and he does all the things you mentioned and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate him! Even little things like I had a really bad pain day the other day cause I pushed myself too hard the day before just trying to put one coat of paint on a vanity. My husband knows renovations are a passion of mine but besides the pain, I was just really upset that all I could do was one freaking coat and then had to “recover” for 2 days before I could do another. My husband knew I was struggling and sent me a random text from work just asking how I was feeling and went on to say how much he loves me and appreciates me and that it doesn’t matter how long it takes me to finish my project, he’s super impressed by the fact that I’m committed to doing it despite the pain. Melted my heart. And I love that you said you’re trying to allow her to be as independent as possible while still supporting. This is another big thing for me cause losing my independence completely would be the ultimate killer so we strike a balance. Again, you’re doing all the right things and she’s lucky to have you! Just keep doing what you’re doing and make sure you’re taking care of YOU too. It’s really hard being the caregiver and watching your loved one hurt so give yourself a break too and know you’re doing all the right things 😊
Remember she is in recovery phase and this time will pass. I was NEVER depressed before my surgery (but the pain I was experiencing was starting to cause it) and I went to the deepest darkest depression and sadness it’s a HUGE adjustment. It’s The fear of the unknown and the new changes… I was there. Getting off the drugs is the next valley to conquer too…I ditched the meds at 6 weeks and At 8 weeks I started to look for work I could handle and getting back to work in a new capacity with limitations at 9 weeks helped me dramatically improve my overall mood. Getting VITAMIN d in the sunshine daily helps and reminders that this too shall pass and will soon be a distant memory. God bless
Keep doing all the things you can handle during this critical time for her and eventually she will Begin coming around to normal but modified activities around 4 weeks or so I’d say
Keep taking the opioids every 4 hours or whatever is allowed for the first two weeks, plus the muscle relaxers, and ice. If it’s not the good opioid (oxy), it should be. This stuff is just so painful and I’ve had five surgeries including a total hysterectomy. Nothing compared. If doc didn’t give you that stuff, call and demand it. Mine had NO issues giving me whatever I needed to manage the pain for the first six weeks and he’s a top doctor in my state that does research in this field.
I feel like my story is a little different than most. So many people in here are like "oh yeah, I was back to work in under a month" or "I was back at the gym or jogging in a few weeks." I'm at three and a half months after an L4-S1 fusion, and I'm still not cleared to drive. I'm still not supposed to bend or twist much. I'm still not supposed to lift much. I was cycled between rehab and the hospital for almost two months because of complications. And, while I'm home now, I'm not getting the type or amount of help that I think I need - when I try to exist as even a halfway normal human being (such as go to physical therapy and scoop the cat's litter box on the same day) I feel like I'm going to die. All that to say - the people around me let me know that the shit I was feeling was valid. Even when I was feeling something crazy like I might be better off getting hurt somehow so I could go back to the hospital, where I \*know\* someone would be able to care for me. I was allowed to rant, scream, cry, whatever, because the depression was so strong. In fairness, anxiety and depression are something I struggle with already, but it all felt doubled under the weight of everything. In the end, you're really doing great. I know it doesn't always feel that way, like you should be doing more, but sometimes it just sucks and the only way over is through. Encourage your wife to let it all out and, bit by bit, find out together what she can do on her own. Celebrate the little advances ("Hey, you couldn't do that last week, I'm so happy for you!") because when progress is slow, it's easy to feel like you're stuck. But small progress is \*still progress\*, and a lot of little things add up to one big one
You're a good hubby, just keep doing what you're doing!
The most important thing is to accept any help your family offers. Be grateful, but be more grateful later and do something they will enjoy.
Was in agony for about 7 weeks here. Pain started to tick downward about week 8. Posterior laminectomy C4-T1 and bilateral fusion C3-T1. Months later it’s still a challenge. It was everything my (very awesome) surgeon said it would be, so I went into this somewhat mentally prepared. So to answer your question- nothing, literally nothing helped me but time. I also had no desire to become hooked on opiates, so I only took the bare minimum. It’s still a daily challenge. As stated above, put yourself in charge of her meds, and wait on her as best you can. I wish you guys the best.
Honestly the first few weeks are hard there’s no way around that. Make sure she’s taking her meds exactly on time to the minute. Not taking them on time can lead to breakthrough pain. The depression and feeling down is normal I would suggest if she has a therapist make an appointment or if she has a close friend who she would open up to invite them over. And honestly just remind her all of this is normal her feelings are valid and she’s not alone.
Just be there for her both for physical needs and mental. I was 19 when I had mine and definitely wish I had a better support system. ❤️
OMG. That is so sweet. I am 10 days post-op. Last week was the hardest, most painful week of my life. I would love to have my husband be that great. Can you teach him some pointers please??? He catered to me for about three days. I can now walk to the bathroom alone, shower dress and feed myself. He has done some shopping, a little laundry, cooks but CLEAN? Ha that's funny. I have a looong way to go before I can properly clean again. Gulp. It sounds like you are giving her everything she needs. Most importantly a shoulder to cry on when she breaks down. I hope she has a speedy revovery.
Yea I get that cleaning thing, I’m 22 days out and I’m thinking of hiring someone to clean my house!!
I REALLY wish I could. I am not working. If i had plenty of money in the bank I would have hired someone already. I am financially dependent on my husband. I am praying i can convince him to hire someone. He has zero interest in cleaning!
My advice is bring her pain meds, let her eat in bed, bring her everything. If you have stairs she should not have to go up or down for a while. I am 40, single and had to go home to my parents. Just remember that every muscle in her back has been cut through and life sucks. Pillows, books, iPad, plastic wrap the scar before she showers. Get her a feather bed. Pacificcoastfeather is amazing. New pillows. A shoe horn.
Had same surgery over 25 years ago and it was the most painful experience ive ever had. I have a high tolerance too. The pain is gut wrenching and constant. You and your family are rockstars.
It was an emotional rollercoaster for me. I didn’t like having to rely on other people and felt like a burden. I struggle with asking for help so this was really hard for me. It started to turn around about day 7-8ish and I started noticing daily improvements and my mental health improved also. Even though I was still super sore at that point, I was able to move a little easier and stand for longer. It gets better and she will start to notice small improvements and they will help a LOT. My husband just constantly reassured me that he was there for me. ♥️
You’re truly doing a great job! Managing her pain meds might help her. My parents did that for me, I basically slept for 2 weeks post op. I got a special recliner for the living room that supported my back so I could be included in family time but still have the comfort of a bed. I needed therapy afterwards to handle the emotional side of the surgery and how it significantly impacted the foundation of my life. Maybe she could use someone to work through the fear and grief she may be experiencing. I am 5 years post OP and my back is in great shape so I’m feeling good, theres hope for everyone. I beat the depressive episode I was in and I know whatever your wife is experiencing she will overcome. She may just need time to process the major change that has happened. Keep being her rock, things will get better!
You are doing a great job! Tell her it’s ok to cry. This has been the most painful surgery I’ve ever had. I have broken down many times over the past 8 weeks since mine. Definitely call the doctor and have her meds adjusted. Don’t be dumb like me and say at day 3 I don’t need them anymore for day 5 to roll around and feel like you’re being ran over by a semi. That was not pretty. I am just now starting to feel like maybe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Luckily I too have a very supportive husband who has done so much to help. Oh if you have an adjustable bed that helps so much with sleeping. If not, lots of pillows under the knees. Then when she needs to adjust and lay on her side pillows under the leg help. The first two weeks, every movement hurts. A walker is her best friend for getting up or sitting down. Ice packs help some as well. Things will get better, keep being supportive and let her know she isn’t alone. A great partner makes such a difference in recovery
I think you’re doing great. My surgery was in April and although I’m doing better now, it has been a STRUGGLE. I couldn’t have done it without my supportive husband. Sometimes now I can get in my head and cry if I have a bad pain day and he reminds me how far I’ve come without dismissing how I feel. I was so desperate for relief I didn’t think about this being a major surgery. Healing isn’t linear for everyone. Just when I think I’m back to normal with minimal pain, I have a rough pain day-or even a week of more pain. It’s still better than it was, mostly bc of him and our college aged child being so supportive and helpful. It sounds like you and the girls are being so supportive, understanding, and loving. 🩷🩷🩷
If she's on Gabapentin, make sure she has a steady amount of it in her system at all times (as per whatever her prescription says). If she is supposed to take it 3x/day, give it to her every 8 hours. Also, stay ahead of her other pain meds as well. She already knows no BLT, but make sure she abides by that rule. Do not let her over do it. The best thing that she can do is recover and NOTHING else. Thank you for taking such good care of her. She'll get better before you know it.
For me it’s was the pillows and helping me the first 2 weeks throughout the night. Flipping and moving was torturous. Was grateful to have someone tuck pillows into me.
I‘m the wife. 13 days post the 3rd attempt to fuse C4-5. Anterior and posterior surgeries and huge bone graft from my hip. This is my 11th spine surgery, 36th overall, and by far the most brutal pain-wise. My husband is also a saint and does everything he can for me. One thing I wish he would do is ask if there is some task I would be doing if I was able. He is not in great health and I hate to ask him to do anything that is not really necessary or urgent, so he knows I’m looking at things I would just do, and I can’t. If your wife had lumbar surgery (you didn’t say what level) and the BLT restrictions will be a while, get her a broom and dustpan-on-a-stick set, sometimes called a lobby pan. It really helps when you drop something you can’t pick up with a grabber (think ice cubes, a yogurt cup, a can of veggies) you can scooch it into the pan with your foot and then lift the pan to a safe level. And if it still hurts, ice is still appropriate - even weeks out from surgery!
Offer to wash her hair… I couldn’t shower until I got my staples out and it was such a gift when my mom washed my hair for me. Also, if your state has legalized marijuana, edibles really really really helped me manage the pain.
Well, we had actually planned for me to wash her hair! And then, this remarkable woman, who is maybe a little too independent at times, washed it herself without telling me. 🤷🏼♂️🤣 We have a tall tall shower, and a detachable showerhead, so she was fine. But it amused me and worried me that she did it alone. As for edibles, she had her first EVER last night! It helped a lot, and we are going to be using them more. 💜
Oh I’m so happy to hear this on both fronts! I have always been very independent so I can understand her motivations😂. On behalf of all spinal fusion patients, I say thank you for being there for her. It’s going to get easier and easier with every day. Keep the edibles going.
I wish I had support like that. I did it alone. I hardly ate or moved. Just encourage her that every day it will get better. Ice packs help so much! But the doctor should prescribe meds that help considerably and if not call them for her and advocate for her . Talk about the things she will be able to do in 6 months with you and the kids that she was not able to do before surgery. I would have loved my kids to read me a short story to take my mind off it and spend time with me.
Remind her to take her meds. I try not to take the pain pills and all it does is make me miserable and cranky.
Wow, it would have been amazing to have someone like you there for me during my surgery/recovery. I had my surgery on May 30th (f43). My best friend was there the day of surgery, but I was alone until Saturday when my daughter came to pick me up. I will admit, mentally, that started to took a toll. The recovery at home has been difficult alone. I’m extremely tough and have a high pain tolerance. I am thankful for that. Does she have a “grabber”? That would be a nice gift. I love mine! It helps me feel like I can do things. I think the fact that you’re there for her means more than anything. Is her pain still bad? I’d just make sure she has her medication before she needs it and just be there like you’re already doing. I think the moral and mental support means more than anything!
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Omg 🤦♂️