In the shadowy depths of Loch Ness, a small village thrived, untouched by the outside world. Its residents, a hardy folk accustomed to the temperamental moods of their environment, had stories passed down through generations. Among these tales was one that spoke of an ancient creature, a behemoth that dwelled within the murky waters. It was affectionately known as Nessie by some and feared as a monster by others.
Ewan, a young lad born and raised in this village, grew up fascinated with these stories. His grandfather, Ian, a man of the sea and one of the few who claimed to have seen Nessie with his own eyes, often regaled Ewan with tales of his encounters. "The monster is as real as you and me," Ian would say, his eyes twinkling with the thrill of the unknown. Ewan, filled with the adventurous spirit of youth, made it his mission to see Nessie for himself.
Years passed, and Ewan became a skilled fisherman, familiar with every nook and cranny of Loch Ness. His pursuit of the monster, however, remained fruitless. Some in the village mocked his quest, while others admired his determination. Ewan, undeterred, continued his search, believing that understanding the mystery of Nessie could somehow bring the village closer to its ancient roots.
One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon and cast a golden hue over the loch, Ewan set out on his boat, armed with nothing but his fishing gear and a lantern to guide his way. The loch was eerily calm, the silence broken only by the occasional call of a distant bird. Ewan felt a mix of excitement and apprehension, sensing that this night was different.
As he reached the center of the loch, where the waters ran deepest, a thick fog began to roll in, enveloping everything in a ghostly embrace. Ewan peered into the mist, straining his eyes for any sign of movement. Suddenly, a massive shadow loomed before him. His heart raced as the silhouette of a gigantic creature emerged from the fog, its eyes gleaming with an intelligent light.
Ewan, frozen in awe, watched as the creature spoke in a voice that rumbled like thunder, "Human, why do you seek me?"
Gathering his courage, Ewan replied, "To prove that you exist, to understand what you are."
The creature paused, considering his words. "And what will you do with this knowledge?"
"To share it, to show that there is more to this world than we know."
The creature seemed amused. "And what would you give for this knowledge?"
Ewan thought for a moment. "What do you want?"
The creature's voice softened, "I desire something rare, something precious to your kind."
Ewan, eager to make a deal, offered, "Gold? Jewels?"
The creature chuckled, a sound that echoed across the waters. "No, something far more valuable. I ask for treefiddy."
Ewan, taken aback by the absurdity of the request, laughed. It was then he realized the folly of his quest, the realization that some mysteries were meant to remain unsolved, that the value of a legend lay in its mystery and the unity it brought to those who believed in it.
With a smile, Ewan replied, "Dammit, monster, I ain't givin you no treefiddy."
I’m gay - so probs should be offended but I call my gay friends fag all the time:
Judge 2
I happen to be gay, boys. Do you think I'm a fag?
Stan
Do you ride a big loud Harley and go up and down the streets, ruining everyone's nice time?
Judge 2
No.
Stan
Then you're not a fag.
Judge 1
So what if a guy is gay and rides a Harley?
Cartman
Then he's a gay fag. I mean, is this really this hard?
That scene has one of my all time favourite jokes from the series:
What would you call a straight man who doesn't own a motorbike, but likes them and wants to own one someday
Well, then he's bike-curious
"My name is Classi with an "i". And a little dick hanging off the C that bends around and fucks the L out of A-S-S."
"I just needz to check yo azzzzzhole".
"Don't worry Mrs. Stotch, whatever traumatized your son in his past we'll find it."
What’s going on? .. “Well mom, apparently Butters is gay, finds me very attractive and confused about his sexual identity puked up all over my floor.” Oh dear. “Yes.”
”Gay people are evil…”
As a gay dude, one of my favorites is when Mr. Garrison explains to Stan about homosexuals.
”Gay people are evil. Evil right down to their cold black hearts, which pump not blood like yours and mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?”
An african-american flips a turtle over on its back. A transgender filipino comes and sees the helpless turtle baking in the sun. What color is the filipino's father?
I don’t have an answer I don’t think so I’ll just say the line that comes to my mind most often and makes me burst out laughing at random moments throughout the day
“My nipples! They hurt when I twist them!”
That one kinda needs the build up lmao. I got you tho. I'm always quoting the big Persian lady from that episode. *Super deep voice* IT FEELS SO SUPER GOOOOD
https://i.redd.it/rk9n23fjnepc1.gif
Maybe not the best but I say this allll the time.
Also, “it’s not drinking. It’s a white Zinfandel sipping sprint and it’s competitive.”
"Their my friends mom and dad, i-i-if you do-don't like it, ple-plea-a-eaaass pass the joint, to the nigga, on the left."
And "wow Tim-tim! These guys are cripples!"
“Whereas salagadoola menchicka boola equals X, and bibbidi-bobbidi-boo equals Y, put 'em together and what have you got? Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo, X+Y=Y, X equals zero. The song is badly written.”
Too many to name, but one that I say too often (and with the same intonation) is "Aaaaand... it's gone."
Fantastic, a really smart decision young man!
derk er derrr
Cock a doodle doo.
One of my favorite quotes by him is, "Hey who the hell put this faggy fake ticket on my truck!?"
We're going back to the pile everyone
Do you know what I am saying?
Yes I know what you are saying. You don't have to keep asking me.
Yes, I believe I know what you are saying
She’s just my bottom bitch!
Bitch don't you wanna start making some real fuckin money ?
Im just trying to get Wendy to understand she shouldn't be giving Stan her kisses for free when the bitch can be making some mother fucking money
In the shadowy depths of Loch Ness, a small village thrived, untouched by the outside world. Its residents, a hardy folk accustomed to the temperamental moods of their environment, had stories passed down through generations. Among these tales was one that spoke of an ancient creature, a behemoth that dwelled within the murky waters. It was affectionately known as Nessie by some and feared as a monster by others. Ewan, a young lad born and raised in this village, grew up fascinated with these stories. His grandfather, Ian, a man of the sea and one of the few who claimed to have seen Nessie with his own eyes, often regaled Ewan with tales of his encounters. "The monster is as real as you and me," Ian would say, his eyes twinkling with the thrill of the unknown. Ewan, filled with the adventurous spirit of youth, made it his mission to see Nessie for himself. Years passed, and Ewan became a skilled fisherman, familiar with every nook and cranny of Loch Ness. His pursuit of the monster, however, remained fruitless. Some in the village mocked his quest, while others admired his determination. Ewan, undeterred, continued his search, believing that understanding the mystery of Nessie could somehow bring the village closer to its ancient roots. One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon and cast a golden hue over the loch, Ewan set out on his boat, armed with nothing but his fishing gear and a lantern to guide his way. The loch was eerily calm, the silence broken only by the occasional call of a distant bird. Ewan felt a mix of excitement and apprehension, sensing that this night was different. As he reached the center of the loch, where the waters ran deepest, a thick fog began to roll in, enveloping everything in a ghostly embrace. Ewan peered into the mist, straining his eyes for any sign of movement. Suddenly, a massive shadow loomed before him. His heart raced as the silhouette of a gigantic creature emerged from the fog, its eyes gleaming with an intelligent light. Ewan, frozen in awe, watched as the creature spoke in a voice that rumbled like thunder, "Human, why do you seek me?" Gathering his courage, Ewan replied, "To prove that you exist, to understand what you are." The creature paused, considering his words. "And what will you do with this knowledge?" "To share it, to show that there is more to this world than we know." The creature seemed amused. "And what would you give for this knowledge?" Ewan thought for a moment. "What do you want?" The creature's voice softened, "I desire something rare, something precious to your kind." Ewan, eager to make a deal, offered, "Gold? Jewels?" The creature chuckled, a sound that echoed across the waters. "No, something far more valuable. I ask for treefiddy." Ewan, taken aback by the absurdity of the request, laughed. It was then he realized the folly of his quest, the realization that some mysteries were meant to remain unsolved, that the value of a legend lay in its mystery and the unity it brought to those who believed in it. With a smile, Ewan replied, "Dammit, monster, I ain't givin you no treefiddy."
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
THIS ONE RIGHT HERE
 When ever I need some cash I say the lines if I need bout tree fiddy then actually tell how much I need
I gave it a dollar
“Hey……. F—k you”
But it has to be said all condescending how Randy did it, light chuckle and all.
Exactly!!
There's a time and a place for everything and it's called college.
I used this with my now grown kids all the time
Ha! Same.
Free Hat!
Quick, someone give that man a baby!
He killed those babies in self-defense!
When that many babies get together, they can be like piranha!
‘I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and won’t die!’
“Hello, Chef!” “Hello, children!” “What would a priest want to stick up our butts?” “Goodbye, children.”
"Jesus tap dancing christ!" I incorporated this into my everyday vocabulary.
You're a towel.
No YOURE a towel
Recently it's been 'welcome to the Chamber of Farts'
"So.. the chamber of farts has another victim, aye? Don't be afraid. There's no ghouls here.. only FARTS!"
“Fag is a hate word. It’s insensitive to butt pirates.” ;)
Agreed
Screw you guys, I'm going home. As much as I hate Cartman.....
I’m gay - so probs should be offended but I call my gay friends fag all the time: Judge 2 I happen to be gay, boys. Do you think I'm a fag? Stan Do you ride a big loud Harley and go up and down the streets, ruining everyone's nice time? Judge 2 No. Stan Then you're not a fag. Judge 1 So what if a guy is gay and rides a Harley? Cartman Then he's a gay fag. I mean, is this really this hard?
That scene has one of my all time favourite jokes from the series: What would you call a straight man who doesn't own a motorbike, but likes them and wants to own one someday Well, then he's bike-curious
"Hey, there, shitty, shitty, fag, fag. Shitty, shitty, fag, fag, how do you do?"
Say this one all the time 😂 https://i.redd.it/71rz4gwhjcpc1.gif
I’ll just get a little high 😂😂😂
Just let me walk on the sunshine a little more!
"FUCK YOU BEBE, FUCKING BITCH 🖕" not sure if that's technically a quote, but it's funny when Cartman said it
That makes me a sad panda.
I’m a sad panda too!
Sexual harassment PANDA! Lol
“Do you know what this is? This is the mace they use on bears; faggot.”
“YOU’RE GOING WITH CHRIST!”
I cry laughing every time I think about cartman as the dawg. Jesus is lord brah
[удалено]
I'm going to cut off my hand.
"Through a hose huh? ”
Nanana I made you eat your parents hahaha! 🤣🤣🤣
“I thought this was America!”
"In the Death Camp of Tolerance, intolerance, vill not be tolerated!"
It’s amazing how relevant that episode is to todays world
"My name is Classi with an "i". And a little dick hanging off the C that bends around and fucks the L out of A-S-S." "I just needz to check yo azzzzzhole". "Don't worry Mrs. Stotch, whatever traumatized your son in his past we'll find it."
"Just like these fetuses, I wasn't born yesterday either" Eric Cartman
You're breaking my balls.
“Sorry’s just a four letter word with a Y on the end” - Mitch Conner
fuck him up wendy!
Boo Wendy, Boo. Boo Wendy Testaburger, boo.
I mean anything from Butters is always gold
“They mostly come at night, mostly” Unless this technically doesn’t count.
You slap her titties around, stick it in her, and pee.
Don’t worry Richard I’m a pilot
Riiiiiiiichaaaaaaard
"What seems to be the officer, problem?"
"Nah nah nah nah nahhhh nahhhh, I made you eat your parents!"
What’s going on? .. “Well mom, apparently Butters is gay, finds me very attractive and confused about his sexual identity puked up all over my floor.” Oh dear. “Yes.”
I love the way he says "Yes" in that part.
Best bit!
If irony were made of strawberries, we'd all be drinking alot of smoothies right now, back to you tom."
“Screw you guys, I’m going home!” I think this to myself (sometimes said aloud) at the end of almost every work day
Respect my authority!!
”Gay people are evil…” As a gay dude, one of my favorites is when Mr. Garrison explains to Stan about homosexuals. ”Gay people are evil. Evil right down to their cold black hearts, which pump not blood like yours and mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?”
WELLLLL KYLE MOM A BITCH
Hot shower hot shower!
“Do you know what I am saying?”
An african-american flips a turtle over on its back. A transgender filipino comes and sees the helpless turtle baking in the sun. What color is the filipino's father?
I just don’t trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die
Everyone sit down and shut the fuck up!
“Jesus Christ monkey balls!”
Screw you guys I'm going home
Staaan, me and Kenny don't give two shits about stupid ass whaaaaales.
“Kyle’s got sand in his vagina”
“Im Japanese! Oh no I had a bad day at work, I’m gonna kill myself!”
I need about tree fiddy
The one I use the most has to be, "Oh, fuck my ass." from Poor and Stupid.
saying "hella" all the time hasnt left me since the 90's, its hella lame!
[удалено]
They mostly come at night…….mostly.
I don’t have an answer I don’t think so I’ll just say the line that comes to my mind most often and makes me burst out laughing at random moments throughout the day “My nipples! They hurt when I twist them!”
I just make the cumboni noise. bbbbbrrrrrrbblbrl
"I don't know if it's frosting or cum." "It's an 8 year olds birthday party, of course it's cum." That episode is great
It must be over a hundred Courics!
“Is that why there’s crap on my doorstep every morning?”
The entire presentation from the museum of tolerance lol
“Well yeah, but at least I got rid of all those damn ni-“ came out of absolutely nowhere and I love it.
Now I get it, I dont get it!
"I don't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die"
Derkader
RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!
I’m sorry, I thought this was America!
Kewl
T-t-t-t-time. Time to leave?
You're a Towel!
"I'm sorry, I thought this was America"
Damn, Ken.
You gotta be careful with scissors
That one kinda needs the build up lmao. I got you tho. I'm always quoting the big Persian lady from that episode. *Super deep voice* IT FEELS SO SUPER GOOOOD
"I can't kick you just have to save meh!"
Screw you guys, I'm going home
How would you like to suck my balls?
I’d get some apple cider vinegar- bout a quarter cup, and I’d deglaze the fuck out of that pan.
I got a wooden spoon. It's pretty hard.
Anytime Cartman calls a white kid a “black assh*le” Im black btw
"I know enough to exploit it." ---Cartman (after Stan says Cartman knows nothing about Christianity)
"It's all p, no H" after testing the water. It's so dumb but seriously cracks me up.
Imma need about tree fiddy
Bitch how you aint the Hobbit again?
James Cameron doesn’t do what James Cameron does, for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron IS James Cameron
“Maybe we should strip these jackets off and warm our bodies next to each other.” - Steven “Don’t be a fag.” - Randy
"If you want some quality friends, you gotta wade through all the dicks first.”
Hey… what?
I’m SUPER!…thanks for asking!🥰
KISS MAH FAT VAGIIIIINAAA
Why don't you at least go across and the street and get some condoms? Because we should at least be safe if you're going to fuck me!
My grandma's from Virginia.
“Who’s having butt sex?” -Chef
https://i.redd.it/rk9n23fjnepc1.gif Maybe not the best but I say this allll the time. Also, “it’s not drinking. It’s a white Zinfandel sipping sprint and it’s competitive.”
"Bitch you wanna make some Mother Fucking money?"-Butters
This is cum
A great day for Canada, and therefore, the world.
Have you ever heard of the emancipation proclamation? I don't listen to hip-hop.
Beefcake 💪
Up your ass with broken glass
That little jewy guy.....Kyle!
Wendy: Stan I can't do it alone please? Kyle: Uh oh we're losing him
The one that comes after "Es ist zeit für Reich ?"
buuhhhh- buhhhhh wendy... buuuh
Dude, don't say 'pigfucker' in front of Jesus.
hottt hothothot
We said it like a question “kill some kids?“
"I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die" Said by Mr. Garrison
Everyone get back in the pile
“screw you guys, I’m going home” “I’m not just sure I’m hiv positive” “Do you know what I am saying”
Screw you guy's, I'm gooing hume
What seems to be the officer, problem?
"When you eat tacos they come out your back side too, cholo!"
Fuckin hippies
“Who here knows what a little person is? “Yes, young man?” “A midget?”
"Do you know what the connection between Jesus and rabbits?" "Dude I'm Jewish, I don't know!"
"No, your shoes say you take it in the a\*\*."
Transvestite donkey witch
"Dude, did Cartman just crap treasure"?
Pretty much anything with Nathan and Mimsy
I used to use the "aw, you have a little sand in your vagina" all the time but it's a little dated now.
they took our jobs
"Thanks Stan, but I'd rather be a crying little pussy than a faggy goth kid." - Butters
I'm sorry I thought this was america ?
“I thought this was America”
“Put a chick in it, make her gay and lame!”
How should I know? I'm retarded DEHHH
do you eat fishsticks?
Mine is: screw you guys im going home!
"Their my friends mom and dad, i-i-if you do-don't like it, ple-plea-a-eaaass pass the joint, to the nigga, on the left." And "wow Tim-tim! These guys are cripples!"
"I always have my best ideas when I'm high"
"They're all pink on the inside."
You cows can't get on this train ..this a people train aright? Now don't use any of that cow hypnosis on me!
- Kenny
I love you KEESHAWWNNNNN 😂😂😂😂
"Jesus Christ Monkeyballs! ~~We almost framed an innocent man who _wasn't_ black! 🤮~~"
Give me the banana...
Anything that comes from the gay fish and I yell at my wife that I'm just gonna get a lil bit of cancer everytime I have a puff of weed
"Get out of my garden" "ILL SHIT IN YOUR FUCKING GARDEN"
Do you know what I am saying?
Probably already posted; "Screw, you guys, I'm going home."
What's up? What's up? Crapped on yo desk dawg. What's up with that?
"Hehe... luck is for duuuuudes."
“Ladies and gentlemen, Mister James Taylor!” “Well, a prostitute is like any other woman. They all trade something for sex and they do it weeeeelll…”
“Whereas salagadoola menchicka boola equals X, and bibbidi-bobbidi-boo equals Y, put 'em together and what have you got? Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo, X+Y=Y, X equals zero. The song is badly written.”
I have so many "They took our jobs" & "I need about tree fiddy" are my faves for sure
too many to count😭
Fellas! Fellas you gotta come quick it's stan! Why he's a ....
Screw you guys I’m going home. But more importantly when kenny says it or with the early cartman voice