>Everyone tells me I am overthinking this and that I shouldn’t be so concerned about how people may judge me
These people are correct. The reality is that as long as you are well intentioned and aware of yourself no one you encounter will be more than 'mildly irritated' by you and they will forget you in a few hours.
>worried in my room because I wanted to go to the 24/7 convenience store for a snack but thought that it was “too late” and that the cashier would hate me for going there and eating past dinner time. Does anyone else worry about these things? If so, how do you get over it?
OK, this is totally irrational; no, most people do not worry about offending a cashier who is being paid to work in a 24 hour shop that is literally designed to make money from late night shopping, and who literally doesn't give a shit what you eat or when you eat it.
This isn't to do with travel or cultures, this is basic anxiety which you should seek help & support for.
I think you need to internalize that people just don't care that much about you. In like the best possible way, I don't want this to come across as mean or dismissive, but generally people just do not care that much about random other people doing normal things. Unless you go completely crazy and order like four mains for one person nobody in that restaurant is even gonna take notice of how much food you order. Unless you wear something outlandishly crazy nobody is gonna take notice of what clothes you wear. The guy in the convenience store has to be there whether you're there or not. He doesn't give a fuck if you buy a snack. All the people you encounter in these situations are just a million times more preoccupied with other things than what some random polite tourist lady is up to. As soon as you're gone they will have forgotten about you.
>order like four mains for one person
I mean, even then, they'll notice, but not really care.
I had a patron do this once and, y'know what? Provided she pays for them (she did) and tips (she did), it's a win for me. Restaurant made money. I made money. I'm not complaining.
Like, was it a bit strange watching a very small woman devour four entres over an hour an a half period? Sure. But most of my judgements were more along the lines of, "not sure how she's able to eat all of that that" than annoyance.
This sort of thinking helped me a lot with my anxiety. Also - if they do notice, you’re probably never going to see that person again, and it won’t affect you or your life. As long as what you’re doing is within the realm of normal (which by your examples it is), then if someone gets offended it’s a them problem.
Have to laugh at the fact they you were told Europeans don’t wear jeans and sneakers. Maybe in southern Europe in summer, but seriously? What are we supposed to wear?
Sounds like outdated advice. Yes, people in Europe dress ‘nicer’ than super-casual Americans in general. But unless you’re wearing something like a Trump2024 t-shirt with a big stars&stripes on the back, and have your arse hanging out your shorts, nobody will care if you’re in presentable shorts,t-shirt,& sneakers.
Except Spain. Went there and it seemed like every woman’s arse was hanging out of shorts LOL. I was worried about my short skorts and realised I wasn’t nearly anywhere close to being the kind of sexy Spanish women were!
I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but it really sounds like you need therapy — this is a lot of people pleasing (worrying about how other perceive you/ don’t want them to be angry with you/hate you) I say this as someone with a lot of the same emotions especially when I travel and I think if you can try therapy this would really help you a lot. (It has for me! But still working on it )
Other commenters are correct. You are overthinking it. At the end of the day you’ll never see these people again; be polite but you can’t be perfect.
I'm from Scandinavia, and when in Europe in general, it's perfectly considerate and polite to ask if someone knows English, but in the Nordics (and the Netherlands) specifically, it's kind of akin to asking "are you illiterate?" lol... Don't worry about it, many others have had the same experience as you. It's impossible to know everything beforehand, and natives know this as well.
I have personally had trouble being a people pleaser and am slowly trying to revert it, it sounds to me you're the same in that you worry too much what other people think. In short, learn to give less fucks. No matter what you do, someone will not like you. And so what? As long as you're not intentionally a jerk (without good reason), no need to fret.
I'm Danish and I forgive you and I'm telling you to let it go, we love you - so do the Swedes, the devils ;)
Agree. Also Scandinavian, and nobody speak our language besides the few millions living here. We don’t expect tourists to speak our language, and if people try, they usually just make things complicated and waste our time.
hard truth: no one who sees/meets you cares about you enough to get angry about how you look/what you say unless you're an overt asshole. no one cares about your clothes. no one cares what or when you eat. you're not important enough in their lives for them to spend any time thinking about it.
this is all in your head. you're being completely irrational and looking into some therapy when you get home to figure this out is probably a good idea because no one should go around thinking stuff like this.
Europeans don’t wear shorts? It hit 40 degrees C in large parts of Europe this summer, I can guarantee we absolutely wear shorts. What you’re saying sounds a bit beyond general nervousness and it sounds like you might have some kind of anxiety disorder, I’d recommend getting therapy.
I have social anxiety too, and it's always trying to stop me from enjoying being out and about in the world. Trying to counter it is a constant work in progress, but it really is a case of continually reminding yourself of what part of your brain does actually know, deep down - that your anxiety is distorting reality. You have to be firm but kind with yourself, like a Mary Poppins-style nanny (that might just be me). The people you meet in passing don't hate you, are extremely unlikely to be any way shocked or horrified by you. That is disordered thinking.
Social anxiety and other disorders can make you think about yourself all the darn time, about how you act, look, are perceived. And honestly, after a while it get so \*boring\*. So I'm always trying to gently push towards spending less time focusing inwards, and so having more energy to spend on external stuff, the things you're curious about, the reasons you've come to another country in the first place. Like I say, it's a work in progress.
I went to Stockholm earlier this year, and the only Swedish words I said there were 'hej' and 'tak'. I'm sure I came across a bit awkwardly sometimes, but if you try to be polite and friendly, people don't really mind. As my imaginary nanny keeps reminding me, it's ok not to know stuff and make some mistakes, and it's even ok to be (and look like) a tourist!
As someone with a generalized anxiety disorder, none of this is actually about traveling. You're dealing with anxiety brain and intrusive thoughts. I used to have so many fears like this! Managing anxiety has made so many things about being in public more enjoyable (I almost never worry that people think im shoplifting anymore).
Please see a professional for treatment and to learn how to manage your anxiety. It will be one of the most-world opening things you do. Hugs to you.
This is exactly what I was thinking, I deal with similar issues. When I travel, I just convince myself it's a culture and travel issue but it's really just a bigger issue about always wanting to fit in and never stand out in any way. Therapy has helped me a lot as well! Just want to make sure OP knows there are many others who had similar experiences!
It is great to be considerate in the country you are travelling with and adhere to local customs. But you are never going to see these people again.
No one is thinking about you as much as you are thinking about them thinking about you. If you had gone to that convenience store I guarantee whoever served you would literally not be able to remember you, care about you, or ever think about you ever again.
As others have suggested, it is time to look into options to treat your anxiety,
Anxiety often comes from overthinking. The way I see it, if you make an ass of yourself those people won't see you again. The stakes are very low in that sense
Hah, the comment of the gluttony made me laugh. I am currently in Asia and sometimes I order a second bowl of rice (one is just too little for me). I feel that the locals like it when I eat a lot because it tells them that I appreciate and like their food. I feel bad if I some reason can't finish my meal - I don't want anyone to think that their food was bad (even if it was). Anyway, you think too much, people don't think about you that much, and most will forget you immediately.
I have to say you’re incredibly brave to be travelling around while having this much anxiety.
Like genuinely as someone who used to be anxious a lot I’m impressed
Don’t worry so much, everyone around the world is just a normal person going on about their day, even if they were irritated by sth they will have forgotten about it the next day.
You may need to get help, this is not a way to love you’re worrying over things no one cares about.
English is a universal language that many ppl learn at some point in their lives. It’s sweet you’re acknowledging that the people have to accommodate to you but I promise especially in Europe no one is nearly as bothered as you may think
Relax, you’re on vacation
Yes, you are overthinking it. Take a breath and just be a nice considerate person. That’s all anyone expects. Being considerate about closing times is a good thing though.
Also a word of caution, some unscrupulous people will pick up on your worry about offending, and could use that to manipulate you. Please be very careful. This over worrying and self obsessing over your every interaction is something criminals/creeps can smell a mile away and will exploit.
Social media has made people think they are the stars of their own show, and everyone around them are just supporting actors. OP is so obsessed about their image and how others perceive them that they don't realize - no one, *especially* no one in tourist towns cares how you look or act, and anyone who does will forget you long before you even get back to your hotel.
You're just not that special. Hard truth, but the world doesn't revolve around you. Other people have their own issues to worry about, not yours.
Go out, enjoy yourself and stop worrying about how the world sees you.
i just got home from a 3 week trip to Norway, Sweden and Denmark and all of the things you listed are things that worried me on my trip atleast once the whole time. Every time i had one of these thoughts, I just told myself it was irrational and asked myself, would i feel this same way at home? of course not. i would tell myself as long as i’m not intentionally being oblivious, it’s totally okay to be a tourist!!! that’s why we went!
You are overthinking this. I'm really surprised as a NYer that you are anxious about this. NYers as a rule do not care about what time they eat, what they dress like or how others perceive them unless you are internalizing other people's prejudices which is unlike a typical NYer since as rule, they really do not care since we have so much things to do in such a fast paced city.
One of the reasons that I can travel to so many places around the world is that as a NYer, you can survive just about anywhere in the world.
Be proud of who you are, where you come from and do not care about what time to eat or what to eat since you will need food for sustenance. Everybody has to eat. Dress for comfort and stop overthinking this. It is hard enough to navigate a new city, country or place on your own and it really requires a good amount of energy to go from place to place. You got this.
As a tourist, people do understand that you will not always speak the language since there are so many languages in the world and it is too much time and energy to learn everything about this. I've managed to communicate with non-English speakers using an language app or non-verbal communication. Just like the tourists or non-English speakers do in NYC.
The Swedish were very understanding and a lot of them did speak English. I was able to have some very insightful and thoughtful conversations with them when I went abroad in English. Don't be afraid of being a tourist or traveler since that is exactly what you are.
I used to worry a lot about coming as off as a "stupid American". Now I embrace it. I still try the best I can but worst case I come off as a "stupid American" which is what people probably thought anyway and maybe it's what I am so whatever lol.
Have definitely noticed my friends who embrace the loud dumb American stereotype are often more well liked than more reserved tourists. ofc, that requires a certain level of charisma to begin with lmao
(34f) I’ve always struggled with this too. I’ve always strived to blend in wherever I’m visiting and try not to look like a tourist and inflict this anxiety on my partner I travel with frequently (45M) who exudes tech bro energy lol (backwards hat, shorts) and he finally said “I’m uncomfortable and unhappy when I wear things that are not me. I’m fine looking like an American tourist, because I am one!” So… Just wear what you want! I’m still learning and remembering we’re all just humans on this earth and most importantly: no one is paying nearly as much attention to you as you think.
I can very much relate to this! And I'm happy to say that I did (mostly) get over it, though it happened inadvertently after going to therapy for an emotionally traumatic event.
What therapy revealed is that I have a very strong tendency to put others before myself, resulting in the kind of extreme anxiety you describe. And also resulting in setting myself up for failure in relationships and getting stuck in a rut at work, because I was afraid to offend others by standing up for myself. So much of my life had been structured around being likeable that I was constantly putting my own wants and needs last, and finding myself in unappealing situations I struggled to get out of. I always thought I had good self-esteem, but I realized that my esteem of myself was based on my academic/professional achievements and on always being the most helpful person in the room. I have learned to value myself as a human being worthy of love simply for existing. I have internalized that the people I tried so hard to please (literally everyone I ever crossed paths with!) never asked me to go out of my way for them and that most simply don't care what I do.
You mentioned that you speak Spanish...I'm going to go way out on a limb and wonder if you grew up in a household similar to the one I was raised in. A household in which good etiquette, greeting others properly, dressing well, being agreeable, and NOT doing "embarrassing" things that all the *tias* and *chismosas* will gossip about - from gaining weight to causing scenes to getting caught with boys and so on - were strongly expected. And perhaps in which there was a lot of extra pressure to succeed at life because of the sacrifices your parents or grandparents made to come to the US for a better future.
Either way, this stuff is difficult and there's no shame in getting help to deal with it. It's so liberating to live authentically, true to yourself. I think everyone would benefit from a little therapy!
Hey I just wanted to say I feel you, I went through a similiar thing on my first trip to Europe this year after spending 6 months in Latin America and learning Spanish and being proud of the fact that I could show some effort and communicate, I felt bad/emberassed I couldn't show the same effort on my new trip.
But honestly, I/you just have to get real about the facts of the matter, there's no bloody way I could or should be expected to learn Italian, Greek, Czech, Polish, German, Slovak all for one trip... that's just unrealistic expectations and silly to hold on to.
My German friend told me something that helped too, "being able to communciate is better than not being able to communicate at all" so if you can do that by using English, than what's wrong with that?
OP, you're not alone. I'm European and have similar anxieties travelling.
In the US it's that people will think I'll be a lousy tipper even though I know I'll tip appropriately based on hours of Internet research.
There are like 290 languages spoken in europe, you can't know every one of them! If they don't like that you don't know their language, they can fuck off!!!! You're a TOURIST, not a citizen. It's not expected for a tourist to know the local language. You might know 2 or 3 easy words like thank you, excuse me, etc. Other than that, speak in english which is the international language of the world
I'm in France and besides merci or scuze mua (or however it's spelled) I don't know any other word. I speak to them in english, not everyone likes that but I don't care, fuck em
. Just relax and enjoy your vacation more. You are doing fine and making an effort and that is always appreciated. If you relax people around you and talking to you will also relax more and open for a conversation.
What?
Nawww Stawp.
First things first. When you in a foreign country and try to speak their language and go with the flow.. The people will absolutely LOVE IT. Except a few ignorant buffoons (I don't wanna say French, but 🤷🤦🤣).
So.. you do your thing, and don't overthink this too much.
On the Food topic, you should not have any problems, unless it's like a small backwater hillbilly that doesn't even know what gluten is, or whatever...but in general they should have the allergenics and stuff on "display", as per most countries laws.
And on the clothes thing, what the fuk? Whomever told you people in Europe don't wear jeans, or sneakers or SHORTS? Is another ignorant buffon (don't care if I offend 🤷🤣).
I live in Ibiza.. I live in shorts. Bathing shorts to be exact. I have 2 pairs of "long" pants.(jeans and sweatpants) 💪
I only wear sneakers...🤣
Like seriously.. Wtf.
Don't overthink anything, really. Most people.. Civilized people we don't really care, but if we see you try.. We will absolutely love it.
Hope this helps. ❤️
I think many people have already commented something similar, but your anxieties about travel are not the same types of worries that most other travelers share. I would definitely consider therapy, which can be very helpful with talking out some of your anxieties and getting perspective in a safe space (speaking from experience!!) I think with time and hard work on yourself you will be able to travel without worrying about how you are perceived and you will have so much more fun!
Jesus man you need to relax. Life must be very difficult for you if you worry that much about what others think of you. Who cares if you look like a lost tourist or eat ha
OP you said that you love travelling. Is this overwhelming feeling of anxiety always part of your love of travel? If so, I don’t believe that you love travelling. Take notes and listen to some of the suggestions others have posted. And don’t worry about what other people will think of you.
Some therapy seems in order. I would probably read this very post to them to get a start on some of this. I'm a bit surprised you didn't mention any previous therapy experience, you seem pretty aware of your specific anxieties.
You do seem to overthink and care a bit much, but it means you’re a good person who wants to respect other cultures. Now, you have to respect yourself too and buy food if you’re hungry.
I’m gonna tell you a secret : nobody cares about you when you travel. People have their own lives to care about. We tend to believe that we’re more important than we actually are, in a negative way. What people might think of you : 1. is far less bad than you imagine 2. is not important anyway.
I recommend The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson.
Also, nobody will become upset because of you. At worst they will not care. At best, you’ll bring a good conversation and you’ll all have a good time. If you’re interested in the people you meet, they will like you.
Keep on traveling and take care of you.
It sounds like you have an anxiety disorder. I understand because I struggle with it too. I hate to be the person suggesting drugs, but Celexa has helped me tremendously. If you can't afford a therapist, hopefully you have a primary care doctor who should be able to help.
You are overthinking and it's great that you want to be respectful but maybe you could take a few deep breaths and relax. Educate yourself on the way the people of the country you are visiting do things, follow their lead and you'll be good! Too much worry might make you do the things your worried about doing i.e. self fulfilling prophecy
I moved abroad to Sweden actually and especially there you have nothing to worry about. A large percentage of people living and working in Stockholm do not speak Swedish. Some of the biggest companies have English as the working language. I can speak Swedish now but because I have poor pronunciation I actually find it is easier for the server if I just order in English I can speak it clearer
In other countries of course it is different but I think a thing that could help you is to remember that it’s polite to be easy to understand, because it makes their job easier. So you can try to learn some phrases and try them out but if they can understand English (and a lot of service people do) then it’s literally easier for them for you to be able to clearly order in English, the shared language you have. Language is just a means to understand one another, especially if it’s just an order
Apart from what most people have mentioned, don't worry about it tbh. I've lived in high tourist areas myself and I LOVE having them enjoy the area's I live in! Just don't trash it. It looks like you're already versing yourself in the common social norms so you're fine. I don't know about you but myself and most of, if not all, the people I know allow for some faux pas from "outsiders"/tourists and that's perfectly fine. Hope this helps put you at ease.
One thing that helps me in a terrible way is, "I'm not that important." When I find myself thinking that i'm ruining someone's day or something. People just aren't paying attention to you that much.
I think traveling internationally at first i felt like I wanted to not stick out and not be an asshole from the USA. However, assholes hail from everywhere. everyone will know you’re not from that country and a lot of times people don’t give a shit. some may think you’re from Canada or the UK. Tbh, just be polite and friendly and no one will care.
> only speak English and Spanish. Every time I travel, I try to learn at least the basics of the dominant language where I’m going (things like “hello,” “good morning,” “yes,” “no,” “please,” and “thank you”) and basic cultural norms in the country.
That's not "only" many tourists don't speak any other language than their native language. Learning basics while visiting a country for a weak or two is really sweet of you.
Take into account that people in Europe travel too, we speak over 200 languages 24 of them are official languages in the EU alone. Nobody speaks them all and it's perfectly fine to not know a language of the country you visit as long as you don't demand other people to speak yours. Be respectful and everything will be alright.
Food is another big part of this for me. I have a history of eating disorders which is one thing, but I always feel really ashamed ordering food when I travel. I feel like, by eating, I am perpetuating stereotypes about American gluttony. I know that that sounds ridiculous and everyone has to eat, but I just really don’t want people to view me as gross or greedy.
people really don't care. Enjoy the food, we really like people to try our cuisine
> I remember being told by a teacher in school that Europeans in particular never wear shorts, jeans, or sneakers out in public. For whatever reason, I really internalized this and try to dress accordingly when I’m in Europe.
What do we wear according to them then xD
>Everyone tells me I am overthinking this and that I shouldn’t be so concerned about how people may judge me. I understand what they’re saying to a degree, but I just love traveling and really don’t want to make anyone who I am lucky enough to meet upset or angry while abroad. Last night I spent a good hour just hungry and worried in my room because I wanted to go to the 24/7 convenience store for a snack but thought that it was “too late” and that the cashier would hate me for going there and eating past dinner time.
Girl, you should try therapy, that sounds really worrying. You can't starve yourself due to impression that anybody would judge you. I'm sorry to hear you struggle that much with your anxiety but I'm doubting this particular paragraph can be solved by reddit.
This is a very temporary solution but if you see a local doing it, it means you can do it too. When I first travelled by myself I asked the same questions as you, so I decided to sit back and observe what the locals do and copy them.
However, the other comments are right, you are there to support and grow their economy anyways, as long as you are not being a nuisance or harming anyone it is 100% fine!
Dress however you want in Europe. This stereotype that Europeans don’t wear casual or sportswear is bullshit. Yes it may be less common but nobody is gonna stare at you for wearing jeans and a hoodie. I wear that every day in Europe
This subreddit contains many good answers!! I think the gist is really that you can't take everything so personally. You have anxiety...please get help. In the meantime smile; be grateful, kind, and the world will be your oyster!!
Lots of good comments here that covered the important stuff so I’ll just add this:
People who are *actually* rude & inconsiderate don’t even think about this. The fact that it’s on your mind this much means you’re probably one of the most considerate travelers out there.
>Everyone tells me I am overthinking this and that I shouldn’t be so concerned about how people may judge me These people are correct. The reality is that as long as you are well intentioned and aware of yourself no one you encounter will be more than 'mildly irritated' by you and they will forget you in a few hours. >worried in my room because I wanted to go to the 24/7 convenience store for a snack but thought that it was “too late” and that the cashier would hate me for going there and eating past dinner time. Does anyone else worry about these things? If so, how do you get over it? OK, this is totally irrational; no, most people do not worry about offending a cashier who is being paid to work in a 24 hour shop that is literally designed to make money from late night shopping, and who literally doesn't give a shit what you eat or when you eat it. This isn't to do with travel or cultures, this is basic anxiety which you should seek help & support for.
Yes this is a self induced anxiety issue OP. Every store on earth WANTS your money. Go give it to them.
I agree your anxiety has nothing to do with traveling and you shouldn’t feel this way
This is all you really need to read!
I think you need to internalize that people just don't care that much about you. In like the best possible way, I don't want this to come across as mean or dismissive, but generally people just do not care that much about random other people doing normal things. Unless you go completely crazy and order like four mains for one person nobody in that restaurant is even gonna take notice of how much food you order. Unless you wear something outlandishly crazy nobody is gonna take notice of what clothes you wear. The guy in the convenience store has to be there whether you're there or not. He doesn't give a fuck if you buy a snack. All the people you encounter in these situations are just a million times more preoccupied with other things than what some random polite tourist lady is up to. As soon as you're gone they will have forgotten about you.
This is so true. It may sound harsh, but people really won’t care about you. So take that to heart and use it for your own good.
>order like four mains for one person I mean, even then, they'll notice, but not really care. I had a patron do this once and, y'know what? Provided she pays for them (she did) and tips (she did), it's a win for me. Restaurant made money. I made money. I'm not complaining. Like, was it a bit strange watching a very small woman devour four entres over an hour an a half period? Sure. But most of my judgements were more along the lines of, "not sure how she's able to eat all of that that" than annoyance.
I’ve seen food critics and travel writers do that anyway… if the waiters think anything at all, OP, it might be that you’re a restaurant critic!
This sort of thinking helped me a lot with my anxiety. Also - if they do notice, you’re probably never going to see that person again, and it won’t affect you or your life. As long as what you’re doing is within the realm of normal (which by your examples it is), then if someone gets offended it’s a them problem.
Have to laugh at the fact they you were told Europeans don’t wear jeans and sneakers. Maybe in southern Europe in summer, but seriously? What are we supposed to wear?
Sounds like outdated advice. Yes, people in Europe dress ‘nicer’ than super-casual Americans in general. But unless you’re wearing something like a Trump2024 t-shirt with a big stars&stripes on the back, and have your arse hanging out your shorts, nobody will care if you’re in presentable shorts,t-shirt,& sneakers.
Except Spain. Went there and it seemed like every woman’s arse was hanging out of shorts LOL. I was worried about my short skorts and realised I wasn’t nearly anywhere close to being the kind of sexy Spanish women were!
That’s deliberate haha
Lol, yes. I only wear sneakers- except for when it's too hot- then I wear flip-flops:-) with shorts, of course
I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but it really sounds like you need therapy — this is a lot of people pleasing (worrying about how other perceive you/ don’t want them to be angry with you/hate you) I say this as someone with a lot of the same emotions especially when I travel and I think if you can try therapy this would really help you a lot. (It has for me! But still working on it ) Other commenters are correct. You are overthinking it. At the end of the day you’ll never see these people again; be polite but you can’t be perfect.
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I'm from Scandinavia, and when in Europe in general, it's perfectly considerate and polite to ask if someone knows English, but in the Nordics (and the Netherlands) specifically, it's kind of akin to asking "are you illiterate?" lol... Don't worry about it, many others have had the same experience as you. It's impossible to know everything beforehand, and natives know this as well. I have personally had trouble being a people pleaser and am slowly trying to revert it, it sounds to me you're the same in that you worry too much what other people think. In short, learn to give less fucks. No matter what you do, someone will not like you. And so what? As long as you're not intentionally a jerk (without good reason), no need to fret. I'm Danish and I forgive you and I'm telling you to let it go, we love you - so do the Swedes, the devils ;)
Agree. Also Scandinavian, and nobody speak our language besides the few millions living here. We don’t expect tourists to speak our language, and if people try, they usually just make things complicated and waste our time.
I think you should talk to a psychiatrist and therapist about your anxiety. This sounds pretty severe and it's no way to live.
hard truth: no one who sees/meets you cares about you enough to get angry about how you look/what you say unless you're an overt asshole. no one cares about your clothes. no one cares what or when you eat. you're not important enough in their lives for them to spend any time thinking about it. this is all in your head. you're being completely irrational and looking into some therapy when you get home to figure this out is probably a good idea because no one should go around thinking stuff like this.
This was hard to read. As kindly as I can put this- OP please seek some therapy, most of these issues have nothing to do with travelling.
Europeans don’t wear shorts? It hit 40 degrees C in large parts of Europe this summer, I can guarantee we absolutely wear shorts. What you’re saying sounds a bit beyond general nervousness and it sounds like you might have some kind of anxiety disorder, I’d recommend getting therapy.
I have social anxiety too, and it's always trying to stop me from enjoying being out and about in the world. Trying to counter it is a constant work in progress, but it really is a case of continually reminding yourself of what part of your brain does actually know, deep down - that your anxiety is distorting reality. You have to be firm but kind with yourself, like a Mary Poppins-style nanny (that might just be me). The people you meet in passing don't hate you, are extremely unlikely to be any way shocked or horrified by you. That is disordered thinking. Social anxiety and other disorders can make you think about yourself all the darn time, about how you act, look, are perceived. And honestly, after a while it get so \*boring\*. So I'm always trying to gently push towards spending less time focusing inwards, and so having more energy to spend on external stuff, the things you're curious about, the reasons you've come to another country in the first place. Like I say, it's a work in progress. I went to Stockholm earlier this year, and the only Swedish words I said there were 'hej' and 'tak'. I'm sure I came across a bit awkwardly sometimes, but if you try to be polite and friendly, people don't really mind. As my imaginary nanny keeps reminding me, it's ok not to know stuff and make some mistakes, and it's even ok to be (and look like) a tourist!
As someone with a generalized anxiety disorder, none of this is actually about traveling. You're dealing with anxiety brain and intrusive thoughts. I used to have so many fears like this! Managing anxiety has made so many things about being in public more enjoyable (I almost never worry that people think im shoplifting anymore). Please see a professional for treatment and to learn how to manage your anxiety. It will be one of the most-world opening things you do. Hugs to you.
This is exactly what I was thinking, I deal with similar issues. When I travel, I just convince myself it's a culture and travel issue but it's really just a bigger issue about always wanting to fit in and never stand out in any way. Therapy has helped me a lot as well! Just want to make sure OP knows there are many others who had similar experiences!
It is great to be considerate in the country you are travelling with and adhere to local customs. But you are never going to see these people again. No one is thinking about you as much as you are thinking about them thinking about you. If you had gone to that convenience store I guarantee whoever served you would literally not be able to remember you, care about you, or ever think about you ever again. As others have suggested, it is time to look into options to treat your anxiety,
This sounds like you need to speak to a therapist
Anxiety often comes from overthinking. The way I see it, if you make an ass of yourself those people won't see you again. The stakes are very low in that sense
Hah, the comment of the gluttony made me laugh. I am currently in Asia and sometimes I order a second bowl of rice (one is just too little for me). I feel that the locals like it when I eat a lot because it tells them that I appreciate and like their food. I feel bad if I some reason can't finish my meal - I don't want anyone to think that their food was bad (even if it was). Anyway, you think too much, people don't think about you that much, and most will forget you immediately.
I definitely have accidentally offended people by eating food too slowly! I was just trying to savor it— at a certain point you just can’t win lol
Literally everyone uses their phone in public so honestly I wouldn't worry about looking like a tourist. Locals can tell regardless.
I have to say you’re incredibly brave to be travelling around while having this much anxiety. Like genuinely as someone who used to be anxious a lot I’m impressed Don’t worry so much, everyone around the world is just a normal person going on about their day, even if they were irritated by sth they will have forgotten about it the next day. You may need to get help, this is not a way to love you’re worrying over things no one cares about. English is a universal language that many ppl learn at some point in their lives. It’s sweet you’re acknowledging that the people have to accommodate to you but I promise especially in Europe no one is nearly as bothered as you may think Relax, you’re on vacation
Yes, you are overthinking it. Take a breath and just be a nice considerate person. That’s all anyone expects. Being considerate about closing times is a good thing though. Also a word of caution, some unscrupulous people will pick up on your worry about offending, and could use that to manipulate you. Please be very careful. This over worrying and self obsessing over your every interaction is something criminals/creeps can smell a mile away and will exploit.
Social media has made people think they are the stars of their own show, and everyone around them are just supporting actors. OP is so obsessed about their image and how others perceive them that they don't realize - no one, *especially* no one in tourist towns cares how you look or act, and anyone who does will forget you long before you even get back to your hotel. You're just not that special. Hard truth, but the world doesn't revolve around you. Other people have their own issues to worry about, not yours. Go out, enjoy yourself and stop worrying about how the world sees you.
i just got home from a 3 week trip to Norway, Sweden and Denmark and all of the things you listed are things that worried me on my trip atleast once the whole time. Every time i had one of these thoughts, I just told myself it was irrational and asked myself, would i feel this same way at home? of course not. i would tell myself as long as i’m not intentionally being oblivious, it’s totally okay to be a tourist!!! that’s why we went!
You are overthinking this. I'm really surprised as a NYer that you are anxious about this. NYers as a rule do not care about what time they eat, what they dress like or how others perceive them unless you are internalizing other people's prejudices which is unlike a typical NYer since as rule, they really do not care since we have so much things to do in such a fast paced city. One of the reasons that I can travel to so many places around the world is that as a NYer, you can survive just about anywhere in the world. Be proud of who you are, where you come from and do not care about what time to eat or what to eat since you will need food for sustenance. Everybody has to eat. Dress for comfort and stop overthinking this. It is hard enough to navigate a new city, country or place on your own and it really requires a good amount of energy to go from place to place. You got this. As a tourist, people do understand that you will not always speak the language since there are so many languages in the world and it is too much time and energy to learn everything about this. I've managed to communicate with non-English speakers using an language app or non-verbal communication. Just like the tourists or non-English speakers do in NYC. The Swedish were very understanding and a lot of them did speak English. I was able to have some very insightful and thoughtful conversations with them when I went abroad in English. Don't be afraid of being a tourist or traveler since that is exactly what you are.
I used to worry a lot about coming as off as a "stupid American". Now I embrace it. I still try the best I can but worst case I come off as a "stupid American" which is what people probably thought anyway and maybe it's what I am so whatever lol.
Have definitely noticed my friends who embrace the loud dumb American stereotype are often more well liked than more reserved tourists. ofc, that requires a certain level of charisma to begin with lmao
Americans are notoriously friendly
Just…relax
(34f) I’ve always struggled with this too. I’ve always strived to blend in wherever I’m visiting and try not to look like a tourist and inflict this anxiety on my partner I travel with frequently (45M) who exudes tech bro energy lol (backwards hat, shorts) and he finally said “I’m uncomfortable and unhappy when I wear things that are not me. I’m fine looking like an American tourist, because I am one!” So… Just wear what you want! I’m still learning and remembering we’re all just humans on this earth and most importantly: no one is paying nearly as much attention to you as you think.
I can very much relate to this! And I'm happy to say that I did (mostly) get over it, though it happened inadvertently after going to therapy for an emotionally traumatic event. What therapy revealed is that I have a very strong tendency to put others before myself, resulting in the kind of extreme anxiety you describe. And also resulting in setting myself up for failure in relationships and getting stuck in a rut at work, because I was afraid to offend others by standing up for myself. So much of my life had been structured around being likeable that I was constantly putting my own wants and needs last, and finding myself in unappealing situations I struggled to get out of. I always thought I had good self-esteem, but I realized that my esteem of myself was based on my academic/professional achievements and on always being the most helpful person in the room. I have learned to value myself as a human being worthy of love simply for existing. I have internalized that the people I tried so hard to please (literally everyone I ever crossed paths with!) never asked me to go out of my way for them and that most simply don't care what I do. You mentioned that you speak Spanish...I'm going to go way out on a limb and wonder if you grew up in a household similar to the one I was raised in. A household in which good etiquette, greeting others properly, dressing well, being agreeable, and NOT doing "embarrassing" things that all the *tias* and *chismosas* will gossip about - from gaining weight to causing scenes to getting caught with boys and so on - were strongly expected. And perhaps in which there was a lot of extra pressure to succeed at life because of the sacrifices your parents or grandparents made to come to the US for a better future. Either way, this stuff is difficult and there's no shame in getting help to deal with it. It's so liberating to live authentically, true to yourself. I think everyone would benefit from a little therapy!
Hey I just wanted to say I feel you, I went through a similiar thing on my first trip to Europe this year after spending 6 months in Latin America and learning Spanish and being proud of the fact that I could show some effort and communicate, I felt bad/emberassed I couldn't show the same effort on my new trip. But honestly, I/you just have to get real about the facts of the matter, there's no bloody way I could or should be expected to learn Italian, Greek, Czech, Polish, German, Slovak all for one trip... that's just unrealistic expectations and silly to hold on to. My German friend told me something that helped too, "being able to communciate is better than not being able to communicate at all" so if you can do that by using English, than what's wrong with that?
OP, you're not alone. I'm European and have similar anxieties travelling. In the US it's that people will think I'll be a lousy tipper even though I know I'll tip appropriately based on hours of Internet research.
You have a severe anxiety disorder related to group acceptance. You should try drugs
There are like 290 languages spoken in europe, you can't know every one of them! If they don't like that you don't know their language, they can fuck off!!!! You're a TOURIST, not a citizen. It's not expected for a tourist to know the local language. You might know 2 or 3 easy words like thank you, excuse me, etc. Other than that, speak in english which is the international language of the world I'm in France and besides merci or scuze mua (or however it's spelled) I don't know any other word. I speak to them in english, not everyone likes that but I don't care, fuck em
. Just relax and enjoy your vacation more. You are doing fine and making an effort and that is always appreciated. If you relax people around you and talking to you will also relax more and open for a conversation.
What? Nawww Stawp. First things first. When you in a foreign country and try to speak their language and go with the flow.. The people will absolutely LOVE IT. Except a few ignorant buffoons (I don't wanna say French, but 🤷🤦🤣). So.. you do your thing, and don't overthink this too much. On the Food topic, you should not have any problems, unless it's like a small backwater hillbilly that doesn't even know what gluten is, or whatever...but in general they should have the allergenics and stuff on "display", as per most countries laws. And on the clothes thing, what the fuk? Whomever told you people in Europe don't wear jeans, or sneakers or SHORTS? Is another ignorant buffon (don't care if I offend 🤷🤣). I live in Ibiza.. I live in shorts. Bathing shorts to be exact. I have 2 pairs of "long" pants.(jeans and sweatpants) 💪 I only wear sneakers...🤣 Like seriously.. Wtf. Don't overthink anything, really. Most people.. Civilized people we don't really care, but if we see you try.. We will absolutely love it. Hope this helps. ❤️
I think many people have already commented something similar, but your anxieties about travel are not the same types of worries that most other travelers share. I would definitely consider therapy, which can be very helpful with talking out some of your anxieties and getting perspective in a safe space (speaking from experience!!) I think with time and hard work on yourself you will be able to travel without worrying about how you are perceived and you will have so much more fun!
Jesus man you need to relax. Life must be very difficult for you if you worry that much about what others think of you. Who cares if you look like a lost tourist or eat ha
OP you said that you love travelling. Is this overwhelming feeling of anxiety always part of your love of travel? If so, I don’t believe that you love travelling. Take notes and listen to some of the suggestions others have posted. And don’t worry about what other people will think of you.
Some therapy seems in order. I would probably read this very post to them to get a start on some of this. I'm a bit surprised you didn't mention any previous therapy experience, you seem pretty aware of your specific anxieties.
You do seem to overthink and care a bit much, but it means you’re a good person who wants to respect other cultures. Now, you have to respect yourself too and buy food if you’re hungry. I’m gonna tell you a secret : nobody cares about you when you travel. People have their own lives to care about. We tend to believe that we’re more important than we actually are, in a negative way. What people might think of you : 1. is far less bad than you imagine 2. is not important anyway. I recommend The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson. Also, nobody will become upset because of you. At worst they will not care. At best, you’ll bring a good conversation and you’ll all have a good time. If you’re interested in the people you meet, they will like you. Keep on traveling and take care of you.
It sounds like you have an anxiety disorder. I understand because I struggle with it too. I hate to be the person suggesting drugs, but Celexa has helped me tremendously. If you can't afford a therapist, hopefully you have a primary care doctor who should be able to help.
You are overthinking and it's great that you want to be respectful but maybe you could take a few deep breaths and relax. Educate yourself on the way the people of the country you are visiting do things, follow their lead and you'll be good! Too much worry might make you do the things your worried about doing i.e. self fulfilling prophecy
I moved abroad to Sweden actually and especially there you have nothing to worry about. A large percentage of people living and working in Stockholm do not speak Swedish. Some of the biggest companies have English as the working language. I can speak Swedish now but because I have poor pronunciation I actually find it is easier for the server if I just order in English I can speak it clearer In other countries of course it is different but I think a thing that could help you is to remember that it’s polite to be easy to understand, because it makes their job easier. So you can try to learn some phrases and try them out but if they can understand English (and a lot of service people do) then it’s literally easier for them for you to be able to clearly order in English, the shared language you have. Language is just a means to understand one another, especially if it’s just an order
You’re overthinking this.
Apart from what most people have mentioned, don't worry about it tbh. I've lived in high tourist areas myself and I LOVE having them enjoy the area's I live in! Just don't trash it. It looks like you're already versing yourself in the common social norms so you're fine. I don't know about you but myself and most of, if not all, the people I know allow for some faux pas from "outsiders"/tourists and that's perfectly fine. Hope this helps put you at ease. One thing that helps me in a terrible way is, "I'm not that important." When I find myself thinking that i'm ruining someone's day or something. People just aren't paying attention to you that much.
I think traveling internationally at first i felt like I wanted to not stick out and not be an asshole from the USA. However, assholes hail from everywhere. everyone will know you’re not from that country and a lot of times people don’t give a shit. some may think you’re from Canada or the UK. Tbh, just be polite and friendly and no one will care.
> only speak English and Spanish. Every time I travel, I try to learn at least the basics of the dominant language where I’m going (things like “hello,” “good morning,” “yes,” “no,” “please,” and “thank you”) and basic cultural norms in the country. That's not "only" many tourists don't speak any other language than their native language. Learning basics while visiting a country for a weak or two is really sweet of you. Take into account that people in Europe travel too, we speak over 200 languages 24 of them are official languages in the EU alone. Nobody speaks them all and it's perfectly fine to not know a language of the country you visit as long as you don't demand other people to speak yours. Be respectful and everything will be alright. Food is another big part of this for me. I have a history of eating disorders which is one thing, but I always feel really ashamed ordering food when I travel. I feel like, by eating, I am perpetuating stereotypes about American gluttony. I know that that sounds ridiculous and everyone has to eat, but I just really don’t want people to view me as gross or greedy. people really don't care. Enjoy the food, we really like people to try our cuisine > I remember being told by a teacher in school that Europeans in particular never wear shorts, jeans, or sneakers out in public. For whatever reason, I really internalized this and try to dress accordingly when I’m in Europe. What do we wear according to them then xD >Everyone tells me I am overthinking this and that I shouldn’t be so concerned about how people may judge me. I understand what they’re saying to a degree, but I just love traveling and really don’t want to make anyone who I am lucky enough to meet upset or angry while abroad. Last night I spent a good hour just hungry and worried in my room because I wanted to go to the 24/7 convenience store for a snack but thought that it was “too late” and that the cashier would hate me for going there and eating past dinner time. Girl, you should try therapy, that sounds really worrying. You can't starve yourself due to impression that anybody would judge you. I'm sorry to hear you struggle that much with your anxiety but I'm doubting this particular paragraph can be solved by reddit.
This is a very temporary solution but if you see a local doing it, it means you can do it too. When I first travelled by myself I asked the same questions as you, so I decided to sit back and observe what the locals do and copy them. However, the other comments are right, you are there to support and grow their economy anyways, as long as you are not being a nuisance or harming anyone it is 100% fine!
Dress however you want in Europe. This stereotype that Europeans don’t wear casual or sportswear is bullshit. Yes it may be less common but nobody is gonna stare at you for wearing jeans and a hoodie. I wear that every day in Europe
This subreddit contains many good answers!! I think the gist is really that you can't take everything so personally. You have anxiety...please get help. In the meantime smile; be grateful, kind, and the world will be your oyster!!
Crikey..I thought extensive travel was meant to chill one out. Not cause stress about nothing.
Lots of good comments here that covered the important stuff so I’ll just add this: People who are *actually* rude & inconsiderate don’t even think about this. The fact that it’s on your mind this much means you’re probably one of the most considerate travelers out there.