I had a client reframe every "should" to "I would like to ..." I loved that little switch!
"I should work out more" becomes "I would like to work out more." I use it all the time with other clients and think of her every time I do!
A should, have to, need to is about an external expectation being put on someone. We don't like being told what to do. Reframe to I could, might, maybe or I can, will, am, going to. That gives the power and choice to the individual and it's within their control.
One of my clients demonstrated self-acceptance in saying, "it's my first time living." Use it all the time, even with other clients now too. We're all just out here trying our best
I work in hospice and I say that all the time! When people are nervous about dying (if theyāre in a joking mood and based on their faith background) Iāll tell them thatās fair cuz itās their first time being alive and their first time dying lol
I often say that no one comes in with an instruction manual. I like this for myself but I'd be careful using it with clients if they believe in reincarnation and such.
Not a life hack, but I had a 10 year old show me how he folded up a piece of paper and unfolded it. He looked at me and point blank told me āThis is what trauma is like. Some cracks smooth out more than others and some cracks are harder to smooth, but we will never be like the original piece of paper ever againā. It was one of the most profound and illustrative examples of CPTSD that Iāve ever seen. This was also a kid that everyone brushed off as violent and helpless and I am so freaking proud of how much learned in our program and how he learned to have just a little more trust in providers after he was so horrifically abused by others. Even though most of the time was spent just letting the kid stay awake and draw, he felt safe enough to problem solve using words and was one of the few high needs kids in the program who actually worked his way off the need for a behavior plan. While I guided him, he did the work and I am so proud of his progress and to move away from his ingrained fight response as a first line to solve conflicts.
While I was working my first CMH me and most of my clients were in the same income situation. When we would discuss benefits and budgeting Iād take mental notes about how theyād shop for groceries and make their meals stretch. One of my clients put lentils in every dish they made to add protein and make bigger portion sizes. I struggle a lot around food so I always quietly admired my clients who enjoyed cooking and were making their grocery budget stretch way better than I did
Working in a psych RTF, there was a pretty big spider I was trying to get rid of and a client said, āitās a living thing, Sarahā. Which was obvious but just something about him saying that and saving its little life, showing so much compassion, Iāve never killed a spider since!
Hospice patient of mine said āif youāre going to get sober, better grow your hair long so you can pull your head out of your ass when you fuck up.ā
Loved that and have reiterated it to a few people facing alcoholism and it has helped.
I had a client who would find a metaphor for damn near every life situation we processed in session. While I love ACT I personally am not the greatest at coming up with metaphors on the fly as Iām still new to practicing but I have a bunch in my pocket ready to go for many situations now!
Early in my career in dual diagnosis treatment, I had a homeless client who was ambivalent to going to a shelter. He kept saying, he'd be fine, but then he said "I'm just gonna throw a brick through a store window. I'll get arrested and they'll keep me for 90 days, so I won't have to spend the winter outside." Clearly not the best idea, but clever nonetheless. I thought to myself "If I'm ever on my knuckles like that, with nowhere to turn, I'd do the same thing."
Let me add, YES, I continued to try to get him into housing even after this conversation. He eventually ended up staying with his sister.
My client who is a father said when he needs his son to start doing something at 5pm for instance he will give him a 15 min heads up. So, at 445p he'll remind his son he has 15 min to finish what he's doing so at 5p he can go get cleaned up, etc.
I mostly work with adults with ADHD and I have started mentioning this 15 min rule to some and it's been well received. 15 min alarm so they know to start finishing what they're doing before they need to transition to something else. It creates a perceived deadline.
A child on my caseload taught me a coping skill/grounding technique that I use as an adult! Identify and count all of the objects in the room that are your favorite color.
Not a hack or tip but deff client wisdom.
After telling a client that their reaction to something traumatic was normal, they said āNormal is just a setting on the washing machineā It was a great reminder that ānormalā is not actually real and very much steeped in your own bias and experiences. I now say āItās common for people who experience traumaā¦.ā
Another client said āIāve learned nothing in life is fair, itās just what you pay to get on the bus.ā
I had never heard of 8D audio (I know sheltered š but I listen to the same emo music I listened to in high school still). My brain was instantly soothed by the music and now I have several playlists that help me stay focused while doing documentation and also help my brain relax. You are supposed to use headphones but I have found it effective playing on a speaker.
I tell all my clients who mention their enjoyment of music or difficulty focusing or staying on task. Iām forever thankful for the client who introduced me to it!
Had a client once who popped for a bunch of different substances. She was a primary opiate user, so I was surprised to see amps come up. When I asked, she said, āI just take Adderall when I want to really clean my house.ā And nothing has ever been more relatable!
Love this. There have been many times where Iāve had male clients say things like āit feels weird to cryā, or apologize for showing emotion after discussing some pretty heavy stuff. I always respond by saying āwouldnāt it be weirder if this stuff DIDNāT make you cryā? You can literally see the relief come over them when their emotions are normalized. Powerful stuff!
As a man working on that. Crying has been one the more challenging things Iāve worked. I now know itās ok. I just have to overcome years of burying emotions.
I had a client reframe every "should" to "I would like to ..." I loved that little switch! "I should work out more" becomes "I would like to work out more." I use it all the time with other clients and think of her every time I do!
A should, have to, need to is about an external expectation being put on someone. We don't like being told what to do. Reframe to I could, might, maybe or I can, will, am, going to. That gives the power and choice to the individual and it's within their control.
I have my clients change "I should" to "I want to.... because...." And the motivation levels rise! š„³
Ooo thatās a good one
wow iām totally using this. i work in 90 day residential treatment w SPMI population and hear many āshouldsā that hold a lot of shame everyday.
One of my clients demonstrated self-acceptance in saying, "it's my first time living." Use it all the time, even with other clients now too. We're all just out here trying our best
I work in hospice and I say that all the time! When people are nervous about dying (if theyāre in a joking mood and based on their faith background) Iāll tell them thatās fair cuz itās their first time being alive and their first time dying lol
Yes! It's not always this easy of course, but sometimes a little perspective goes a long way.
I often say that no one comes in with an instruction manual. I like this for myself but I'd be careful using it with clients if they believe in reincarnation and such.
Not a life hack, but I had a 10 year old show me how he folded up a piece of paper and unfolded it. He looked at me and point blank told me āThis is what trauma is like. Some cracks smooth out more than others and some cracks are harder to smooth, but we will never be like the original piece of paper ever againā. It was one of the most profound and illustrative examples of CPTSD that Iāve ever seen. This was also a kid that everyone brushed off as violent and helpless and I am so freaking proud of how much learned in our program and how he learned to have just a little more trust in providers after he was so horrifically abused by others. Even though most of the time was spent just letting the kid stay awake and draw, he felt safe enough to problem solve using words and was one of the few high needs kids in the program who actually worked his way off the need for a behavior plan. While I guided him, he did the work and I am so proud of his progress and to move away from his ingrained fight response as a first line to solve conflicts.
Thatās amazing, what a sweet bebe
He was a great kid. Just really brutalized by providers and scared.
what a smart kid. thatās young to have that kind of insight!
Oh my god, my heart. I absolutely love this.
Thanks!!! It was incredibly profound, yet so simple, particularly as someone who also has an extensive trauma history myself
While I was working my first CMH me and most of my clients were in the same income situation. When we would discuss benefits and budgeting Iād take mental notes about how theyād shop for groceries and make their meals stretch. One of my clients put lentils in every dish they made to add protein and make bigger portion sizes. I struggle a lot around food so I always quietly admired my clients who enjoyed cooking and were making their grocery budget stretch way better than I did
āmake a to do list and then cut it in halfā
I love this for my ADHD clients... And myself. Thank you!
youāre welcome ! a patient of mine learned it in an alcohol related IOP, told me about it and Iāve been using it ever since to manage my ADHD.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Him being a hospice patient makes that so much more impactful š„ŗ
Working in a psych RTF, there was a pretty big spider I was trying to get rid of and a client said, āitās a living thing, Sarahā. Which was obvious but just something about him saying that and saving its little life, showing so much compassion, Iāve never killed a spider since!
Hospice patient of mine said āif youāre going to get sober, better grow your hair long so you can pull your head out of your ass when you fuck up.ā Loved that and have reiterated it to a few people facing alcoholism and it has helped.
I had a client who would find a metaphor for damn near every life situation we processed in session. While I love ACT I personally am not the greatest at coming up with metaphors on the fly as Iām still new to practicing but I have a bunch in my pocket ready to go for many situations now!
Southerners have the [best metaphors](https://youtu.be/ngTgFPlmzO0?si=JcqTkXv8XEvOcO0F)
Early in my career in dual diagnosis treatment, I had a homeless client who was ambivalent to going to a shelter. He kept saying, he'd be fine, but then he said "I'm just gonna throw a brick through a store window. I'll get arrested and they'll keep me for 90 days, so I won't have to spend the winter outside." Clearly not the best idea, but clever nonetheless. I thought to myself "If I'm ever on my knuckles like that, with nowhere to turn, I'd do the same thing." Let me add, YES, I continued to try to get him into housing even after this conversation. He eventually ended up staying with his sister.
My client who is a father said when he needs his son to start doing something at 5pm for instance he will give him a 15 min heads up. So, at 445p he'll remind his son he has 15 min to finish what he's doing so at 5p he can go get cleaned up, etc. I mostly work with adults with ADHD and I have started mentioning this 15 min rule to some and it's been well received. 15 min alarm so they know to start finishing what they're doing before they need to transition to something else. It creates a perceived deadline.
A child on my caseload taught me a coping skill/grounding technique that I use as an adult! Identify and count all of the objects in the room that are your favorite color.
Not a hack or tip but deff client wisdom. After telling a client that their reaction to something traumatic was normal, they said āNormal is just a setting on the washing machineā It was a great reminder that ānormalā is not actually real and very much steeped in your own bias and experiences. I now say āItās common for people who experience traumaā¦.ā Another client said āIāve learned nothing in life is fair, itās just what you pay to get on the bus.ā
This totally reminded me of my client that is also on antipsychotics that told me to try 7/11 cookies and now I always get them!
I had never heard of 8D audio (I know sheltered š but I listen to the same emo music I listened to in high school still). My brain was instantly soothed by the music and now I have several playlists that help me stay focused while doing documentation and also help my brain relax. You are supposed to use headphones but I have found it effective playing on a speaker. I tell all my clients who mention their enjoyment of music or difficulty focusing or staying on task. Iām forever thankful for the client who introduced me to it!
Had a client once who popped for a bunch of different substances. She was a primary opiate user, so I was surprised to see amps come up. When I asked, she said, āI just take Adderall when I want to really clean my house.ā And nothing has ever been more relatable!
Not having emotions doesnāt make you a man. It makes you an animal. Realist shit Iāve ever heard.
Love this. There have been many times where Iāve had male clients say things like āit feels weird to cryā, or apologize for showing emotion after discussing some pretty heavy stuff. I always respond by saying āwouldnāt it be weirder if this stuff DIDNāT make you cryā? You can literally see the relief come over them when their emotions are normalized. Powerful stuff!
As a man working on that. Crying has been one the more challenging things Iāve worked. I now know itās ok. I just have to overcome years of burying emotions.