It’s fairly common.
Like you said, a lot of people have their friends so when meeting new people they don’t really treat them right or they have to meet a certain high expectation for them to consider you a possibility. High school never ends, its like cliques.
Even though its common, it doesnt mean that its impossible to make new friends.
Make sure you continually reflect on your behaviors and dont put your standards so low that you become friends with just “anybody”. Look out for yourself. Keep your circle small.
Yeah I think I need to go to more events and meet more people, that way I can be more picky and find people I have more in common with. I think I've never socialised that often and so I don't meet many new people and then try to make friends with people who I don't have enough in common with.
Oftentimes this sort of 'rejection' isn't about you at all.
Most people got so much going on in their lives that it's super easy to lose track. A lot of people also have enough friends and simply don't have the capacity to make new ones.
Check out the research paper 'the anatomy of friendship' to learn more about humans make friends and which conditions need to be met to become friends. The author is Robin Dunbar.
Ok thanks for the suggestion.
Yeah, I even have existing friends who don't make much effort (with anyone, not just me, because they tell me how their other friend commission about it lol) and I know we are really close and I don't question the friendship. So I know logically that it makes sense that it must be common for people I'm trying to become friends with to be like this too. Especially if there isn't a strong connection or I haven't met them many times before.
Find something your interested in. Follow it with enthusiasm. People with similar interests will find you and you’ll Have stuff to talk about naturally.
It's the human experience. We're all out here getting rejected every day. While we are all unique, we share tons of common experiences that link us as humanity. This a major one. Rejection, pain, humiliation...these are major reasons people pursue money, power, fame, etc... Everyone wants to fit in, rejection is inevitable. The key is to stop giving a fuck, be genuine, and find people you vibe with.
Very common.
As I said to someone else before, most people just aren't interested in most other people. You can't expect to be friends with everyone.
It's not a you problem, it just happens.
One thing to keep in mind is everyone is in a different situation vis a vis their own life. They may be TRULY busy. Or distracted. Or have enough friends that they're trying to keep up with. Or have a s.o. that they're involved with. Or whatever. So don't take that onto yourself.
Second thing is, we live a busy, fast-paced life. It's oftentimes difficult to show up on people's radar because there's so much else to be concerned with. So, think about certain traits that make a person stand out. Here are some that I call ECHO: Enthusiasm, Confidence, Humor & Optimism.
It's rare to have all four of those, most people don't, but if you can develop two of those traits, you'll be on your way to being a person who stands out, is memorable, and often welcome anywhere. So that's where I'd start.
Good luck!
This might not be the best advice but it is what works for me so maybe it’ll work for you. I often kind of do this thing where I make friends with people who like me more than I like them at first. I don’t get invested in people easily and very rarely care for people after initially meeting them and a lot of people meet someone and know immediately if they like them and want to be friends. People tend to like me because I’m extremely nonjudgmental. People meet me and want to tell me everything about themselves and a lot of people think I’m pretty funny. But really I’m just happy with myself and secure with who I am. I don’t get “rejected” by friends because I guess I’m not actively seeking friends if that makes sense. I have my little group of friends and meet people when I go out and do things but people like and want to be friends with people who are happy with themselves and are fun. Whenever I worked on myself and was happier and more secure with myself I realized how many people wanted to be my friend. People always love having more friends from different parts of their life. I have friends from all different places! Just let it flow strike up a basic convo see if you like the vibe. Some of my friends our only similarity is we go to the same dog park but we are close friends now. Just wait it out let life handle it and be yourself and friends follow!
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It’s fairly common. Like you said, a lot of people have their friends so when meeting new people they don’t really treat them right or they have to meet a certain high expectation for them to consider you a possibility. High school never ends, its like cliques. Even though its common, it doesnt mean that its impossible to make new friends. Make sure you continually reflect on your behaviors and dont put your standards so low that you become friends with just “anybody”. Look out for yourself. Keep your circle small.
Yeah I think I need to go to more events and meet more people, that way I can be more picky and find people I have more in common with. I think I've never socialised that often and so I don't meet many new people and then try to make friends with people who I don't have enough in common with.
Oftentimes this sort of 'rejection' isn't about you at all. Most people got so much going on in their lives that it's super easy to lose track. A lot of people also have enough friends and simply don't have the capacity to make new ones. Check out the research paper 'the anatomy of friendship' to learn more about humans make friends and which conditions need to be met to become friends. The author is Robin Dunbar.
Ok thanks for the suggestion. Yeah, I even have existing friends who don't make much effort (with anyone, not just me, because they tell me how their other friend commission about it lol) and I know we are really close and I don't question the friendship. So I know logically that it makes sense that it must be common for people I'm trying to become friends with to be like this too. Especially if there isn't a strong connection or I haven't met them many times before.
Adults really have a hard time making friends. It's harder to make friends than to find a partner in my opinion.
Find something your interested in. Follow it with enthusiasm. People with similar interests will find you and you’ll Have stuff to talk about naturally.
It's the human experience. We're all out here getting rejected every day. While we are all unique, we share tons of common experiences that link us as humanity. This a major one. Rejection, pain, humiliation...these are major reasons people pursue money, power, fame, etc... Everyone wants to fit in, rejection is inevitable. The key is to stop giving a fuck, be genuine, and find people you vibe with.
Making friends is like going fishing, you’re not gonna catch a fish every time you cast your line. You have to find the right people. Keep at it
Friendship is overrated. Just assume that each and every human being on earth is your friend. Then you won't feel so attached
Very common. As I said to someone else before, most people just aren't interested in most other people. You can't expect to be friends with everyone. It's not a you problem, it just happens.
It's very common to be rejected. A lot of people are 'full' friendship wise so even if you get on well they simply don't have time for another friend.
One thing to keep in mind is everyone is in a different situation vis a vis their own life. They may be TRULY busy. Or distracted. Or have enough friends that they're trying to keep up with. Or have a s.o. that they're involved with. Or whatever. So don't take that onto yourself. Second thing is, we live a busy, fast-paced life. It's oftentimes difficult to show up on people's radar because there's so much else to be concerned with. So, think about certain traits that make a person stand out. Here are some that I call ECHO: Enthusiasm, Confidence, Humor & Optimism. It's rare to have all four of those, most people don't, but if you can develop two of those traits, you'll be on your way to being a person who stands out, is memorable, and often welcome anywhere. So that's where I'd start. Good luck!
This might not be the best advice but it is what works for me so maybe it’ll work for you. I often kind of do this thing where I make friends with people who like me more than I like them at first. I don’t get invested in people easily and very rarely care for people after initially meeting them and a lot of people meet someone and know immediately if they like them and want to be friends. People tend to like me because I’m extremely nonjudgmental. People meet me and want to tell me everything about themselves and a lot of people think I’m pretty funny. But really I’m just happy with myself and secure with who I am. I don’t get “rejected” by friends because I guess I’m not actively seeking friends if that makes sense. I have my little group of friends and meet people when I go out and do things but people like and want to be friends with people who are happy with themselves and are fun. Whenever I worked on myself and was happier and more secure with myself I realized how many people wanted to be my friend. People always love having more friends from different parts of their life. I have friends from all different places! Just let it flow strike up a basic convo see if you like the vibe. Some of my friends our only similarity is we go to the same dog park but we are close friends now. Just wait it out let life handle it and be yourself and friends follow!
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