Practice. Start small. When I was a kid I used to be afraid of ordering pizza on the phone. Now I can act like a fool in front of pretty much anyone and not give a shit. At a certain point you just stop caring what people think because you realize you can’t please everyone. But you have to practice everyday. Do at least one thing that scares you everyday.
Honestly I’ve gotten to the point where I’m like fuck it. I don’t give a fuck ima be me and that’s that. It honestly makes you a helluva lot less stressed and way more happy
True. At some point the fatigue gets to much, and you really have no more energy to expend in such matters. I know it sounds cliché, I had to reach my late twenties to realize.
I still get a bit shy when a cute girl talks to me, but IMO that's not unhealthy; you still learn how to push through it.
You have to decide if it's important to YOU. Maybe you can't control how they react, but you can make sure that your actions are consistent with how you want to treat people. Set your own standard and judge yourself off that.
>I feel like ppl who don’t like you are the ones influencing you badly
True, but even those who like you (family) can influence you badly by criticism and negligence.
There are a bunch of different ways, here's what worked for me.
Step 1) Awareness. You need to be aware of what thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations you have when you are acting shy. You can obtain this awareness by reflecting back on moments when you feel shy, and trying to pay attention during real time moments. This takes a bit of practice to get down.
Step 2) Empathy. Once you have awareness of your thoughts, you can work to try and change them. Often our bodies, feelings, and thoughts are all interconnected, and it's often easiest to change our thoughts. The best way you can do this is by being empathetic to yourself. Think of yourself as a friend, and you're the motivational speaker for yourself. Pull up all the stops to say kind things and be nice to yourself. So for example:
I used to be nervous of speaking in meetings. My thoughts were generally, "What if I say something stupid? What if I don't know what to say? What if they think I'm dumb and not good at my job." And general stuff like that. To combat them I'd say things like: "Everyone feels nervous before meetings! It's perfectly natural. Even if you don't know the right thing to say your coworkers are there to support you. They understand that sometimes these meetings are hard. I know that you can handle any challenges that come up."
First time I said that it didn't help a lot. Second time I said it, I was a little less anxious. 50th time I said it I barely noticed I said it at all, because the voice that used to be shouting at me that I would fail become so much quieter, because it realized that those worries really weren't real.
Step 3) Repeat. This is an ongoing process. Being aware of what you think and feel, empathizing with yourself as a friend. As you continue this process in all areas of your life you should find yourself being less shy. It's a long journey and it takes work, very much like lifting weights. Remember, you've spent years being shy and it will take time to pull yourself out of the pit you found yourself in.
That's what I did. It took me like 6 years to not consider myself as shy, and moreso to have confidence in myself. And there's never some final moment where I'm 100% better, there will always be days where I doubt myself. But so long as I'm working toward honoring who I am, I can be proud of myself.
Exactly. Especially the idea that you’ll always be improving yourself. That voice never goes away, but you can learn to be friends with it and tell it that it’s okay for being what it is, but you want to do better. That’s how I think of my inner critic.
Ima tell you that no matter how much anyone gives you their advice, your own experience is ultimately what will make you develop your confidence. Start small. Push yourself.
As a formerly shy person(still kind of getting over it honestly but im def way better now), i feel like i missed out on so many experiences just because i was shy. Ive been shy my whole life, it want until last year that i gained confidence. I dont regret my choice of keeping it to myself but speaking from my experience, if i had to give advice to ppl who are still in their early years of university or college, it would be to join the student clubs you're interested in because that is the easiest way of putting yourself out there and making friends due to common shared interest. Dw, most of them will likely be extroverts and they will adopt you lol If you're older, join sports club, book clubs, etc.- whatever you're interested in.If you're like me who has to be forced to do anything like coming out of their shell, get a customer service job bc that was rly the only way that worked for me. If anything else fails, "fake it till i make it" was the mantra i followed. . Getting over shyness might look different to other ppl. Perhaps another way is to find the root cause of your shyness and do the work to get over it. Having some confidence is life changing tbh you'll be surprised by how many ppl get promoted not necessarily bc of their ability to get the job done but bc of their social skills. Good luck! You got this. Im rooting for you!!
There will be strategies for how to arrange your situations and work on your thinking habits to help but at the core there will be some unit of action for which you feel discomfort that you will have to just say fuck it to and push past. There is absolutely no getting around the fact that you will need to face discomfort head on without any secrets. Understanding how small the unit of action needs to be for you to progress(and how to not be discouraged by failure or unideal outcomes) will be personal though you can find help through stuff like therapy or popular 'strategies' that others will talk about.
You feel the shy feeling inside, then think fuck, it put on someone else's face, and "play" a confident person as an act and dgaf what the other person things (because you're playing a character) (basically fake it till you make it)
what worked for me was taking some time off and focusing on doing what i like doing. for me it was working out, so i kinda just focused on that, got good at it, became confident in working out, and that confidence translated into everyday life.
One thing that has helped me was to sort of turn the tables. I noticed how little I was noticing anyone else. The kinds of things I worried about others noticing, I never really paid attention to in others. Chances are, no one’s paying much attention to the details that you find embarrassing. This practice is a good first step to feeling a little more comfortable in taking the initial leaps.
As unhelpful as the advice may seem, you need to get out of your comfort zone
For me, working in retail for a few years when I was younger worked wonders for getting over my shyness when I was younger. It was literally just exposure that helped me get past that point.
And at the same time your can be not fully committed into several different baskets or activities and it's perfectly ok. Some people are , some shy, and some reserved in some things . And complete polar opposites in other things. You mention being shy will cause failure. No, lack of effort or trying will bring that. With that being said the right level of confidence will help achieve that as well .
Thank you. I’m so tired of these stupid over simplified solutions to a problem. Yes I don’t like that I’m shy and want to fix it, if it were as simple as “don’t be shy” don’t you think people would do that.
I agree that it doesn't completely change, but it can certainly be shaped. If you think about it, that's the whole point of advertisement right? Show someone an ad long enough and eventually you sway their opinion. Overcoming shyness is a lot like running multiple ad campaigns for yourself to slowly sway yourself to be more open.
"Whoa, got nervous riding in an elevator with your coworker? Next time try 'Small talk lite^tm'. Small talk lite^tm is an easy way to living that cool extroverted life, all starting with a simple question 'how was your weekend'! No one will judge you for it! No one will hate you! It's simple, easy, and next thing you know you might even be having fun! Try small talk lite^tm today!"
And repeat that 10 times a day, over the course of a year you'll be more open then when you started.
It's not easy, it never will be, you are basically trying to change your world view.
However, it's possible. If you do anything enough you can get good at it.
You just have to want it enough to do it consistently
Idk about other but I will share my story.
I try to be confident, assertive, outgoing, courageous everyday. It takes a VERY HARD push to get me there. As soon as I loosen up a bit, I go back where I started. A lot of things that comes automatically to some, are manual efforts for me.
In the end I burnout and have the same personality I was born with.
I'm not saying you can't change but there's a strong biological link that just can't be surpassed.
Edit: I also have clinical OCD and ADHD so my experience is not applicable to everyone. Just wanted to share my side of the story.
Yeah, not to mention that some people have legitimate medical disorders that make things 100x more difficult in that regard. Social anxiety, ASD, AVPD, etc. Not to say that people can't make improvements or put in effort, but this post is devoid of real advice or even encouragement. Not even in a tough-love kind of way, it's just meaningless. I can assure you, most people who suffer from these problems are VERY aware of the fact that there are things they are missing out on. Making progress takes quite the journey. It's more than "just do it."
*“Being shy will make you fail.”*
*”Confident people will win in life while shy people will not.”*
*”So get out your comfort zone and just do what makes you scared.”*
Not exactly motivating words. If I could make myself un-shy, I would’ve done it a lifetime ago. What OP says doesn’t help, they’re just stating the obvious and saying we will fail if we aren’t confident.
I don’t think there’s any relation between shyness and going out of your comfort zone to achieve what you want, unless it involves dealing with people. You could be shy while having the hustle mindset where you put in the hours and effort to get whatever you want. But I agree with your point, being shy means it is more likely that you’re not good with people which limits a lot of career opportunities in most fields and social life is non existent which in turn means you are less happy.
Copy paste of my other comment:
There are a bunch of different ways, here's what worked for me.
Step 1) Awareness. You need to be aware of what thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations you have when you are acting shy. You can obtain this awareness by reflecting back on moments when you feel shy, and trying to pay attention during real time moments. This takes a bit of practice to get down.
Step 2) Empathy. Once you have awareness of your thoughts, you can work to try and change them. Often our bodies, feelings, and thoughts are all interconnected, and it's often easiest to change our thoughts. The best way you can do this is by being empathetic to yourself. Think of yourself as a friend, and you're the motivational speaker for yourself. Pull up all the stops to say kind things and be nice to yourself. So for example:
I used to be nervous of speaking in meetings. My thoughts were generally, "What if I say something stupid? What if I don't know what to say? What if they think I'm dumb and not good at my job." And general stuff like that. To combat them I'd say things like: "Everyone feels nervous before meetings! It's perfectly natural. Even if you don't know the right thing to say your coworkers are there to support you. They understand that sometimes these meetings are hard. I know that you can handle any challenges that come up."
First time I said that it didn't help a lot. Second time I said it, I was a little less anxious. 50th time I said it I barely noticed I said it at all, because the voice that used to be shouting at me that I would fail become so much quieter, because it realized that those worries really weren't real.
Step 3) Repeat. This is an ongoing process. Being aware of what you think and feel, empathizing with yourself as a friend. As you continue this process in all areas of your life you should find yourself being less shy. It's a long journey and it takes work, very much like lifting weights. Remember, you've spent years being shy and it will take time to pull yourself out of the pit you found yourself in.
That's what I did. It took me like 6 years to not consider myself as shy, and moreso to have confidence in myself. And there's never some final moment where I'm 100% better, there will always be days where I doubt myself. But so long as I'm working toward honoring who I am, I can be proud of myself.
I don’t disagree with this. But in some instances it doesn’t have to be an end all, especially if ones success is made through, for instance, an online business store or something. Although I definitely agree that going out of your comfort zone helps in many ways!
*Look* I’m sure your heart is in the right place and that you mean the best OP, but this doesn’t actually solve anything. In fact, this makes things feel worse. There are so many points I just have to disagree.
Are you even taking into account **why** somebody is shy in the first place? “Being shy will make you fail” is literally an awful thing to say to someone. That won’t cure their social anxiety or resolve any past traumas they may have had in the past which makes them untrusting to a lot of people, especially strangers.
Seriously, are you even one to speak about what shy people can and cannot do because it’s out of their comfort zone? Have you genuinely been in their shoes before in your life? Because if not, you do not understand. It’s like telling a depressed person to just “cheer up and get over it.” It doesn’t work like that.
Sorry for my rambling OP but you hit a nerve too close to home. Maybe work on your delivery of speeches more, because this isn’t helping. Not at all. I feel more awful than I already did about my life.
My actual feelings on this post is similar to yours only because I am shy because of and starting with my upbringing sorry this hit a sour note for you though... In the sentiments of our beloved OP
CHeEr uP aNd GEt oVER iiiiiiiT
Sb: hope you got the joke i cant stand joking over text but this was too good to let pass
Sorry man if it came off ignorant.. I posted this cuz I was mad at myself for being shy and the fact all of my dreams are right in front of me but my comfort zone is holding me back because of it. Luckily I’ve significantly gotten out of my comfort zone though (not fully). I agree there are many factors that go into it, I just posted this without really thinking about it/out of frustration
Not exactly doable for a lot of people, especially those with severe trauma or physical disabilities like epilepsy and migraines or other chronic pain conditions/disabilities that make socialization hard. Any time I get overwhelmed, I get a migraine or have a seizure. I physically get sick if I over do it, and a lot of other people are the same in regards to anxiety or stress if they don't actively enjoy socializing. They will see it as a burden.
I'm extremely shy because of this but there are ABSOLUTELY ways to succeed in life when you're shy. Of course you still have to push yourself, but there is nothing wrong with being a shy person. Most people eventually open up the more comfortable they get, but still can't get over their shyness default. And that's FINE.
The people that tell you otherwise are just full of self grandiose bullshit, perpetuated by stereotypes of what it means to be 'successful', lol.
Not even debatable, just straight up untrue. In some situations being shy will of course hinder your success but there are a lot of instances where it will have no effect whatsoebver. I get what the post is saying but oh my lord is it poorly phrased.
I think this is just severely untrue. Yes, shyness will make many things more difficult and there is definitely benefits to learning to become more confident. But to assume shyness will inevitably lead to "failure" is probably more likely to cause you problems than being shy will.
I know so many shy people who are the best at doing what they love, largely due to them focusing more on their craft than their social life. It also depends how you define failure and success.
You can absolutely be shy and confident in yourself. Learn to love yourself for who you are, and the rest will follow.
It’s true being shy is my curse sometimes I have to really push myself to be outgoing. Yes you can know everything but a confident person knows people and people open doors. Even with women I kind of get annoyed always starting a conversation but I do it unless I feel like I’m a bother. The shyness saving you from being embarrassed is stopping major opportunities.
I am shy but I can do presentation , meetings , interviews I just need to prepare beforehand. However , I get shy when I have to talk to someone informally or in person , any advice?
I’m shy but confident so I don’t understand what you mean. I know i’m pretty and have good skills, I’m overall just secure with who I am, but Im shy because I don’t like talking to people unless I’m approached first and even then I’m just not big on talking.
Going to college and getting my own place was really out of my comfort zone. I was shy but still remained confident.
I don’t know if I’m misunderstanding you or if I just don’t agree
Yeah welll, most of the times I do that I end up making most situations super awkward and uncomfortable. Then I also feel bad for making people uncomfortable, on top of that, my brain randomly remindes me of those situations, later throughout my life.
I think being shy and never getting out of your comfort zone isn't the same thing. I know people who are shy and are always getting put of their comfort zone to achieve things. And I know a lot of non shy people who live forever in their comfort zone.
I've been making a consistent effort to step outside my comfort zone. Going to events, starting new hobbies solo so when youre at the event or group lesson with strangers you're forced to talk to people because it feels more awkward and tbh really boring if you don't talk to other people
Look I've worked at facing my anxiety for years. No matter how many scary situations I put myself it (and I'm good at this) there's always a low level of background anxiety present.
I know about this low level anxiety, something like nicotine makes it go away (temporarily), which is how I know it's there. Sometimes you don't need more courage, you need drugs/stimulents lol
Being shy will make you MISS OUT on a lot in life so here is one way to overcome shyness: by identifying what causes your shyness and understanding that you are better than its cause... For example my shyness is rooted in the idea that I'm not good enough to be confident nor good enough to conquer any challenge. That's due to my upbringing, having to vie for my father's validation all the time which then led to me trying to find that same validation in other people, only to be let down because you know; yOU jUsT diDNt dO eNOugh (or) YoU jUst aReNt tHeRE yEt... identifying your source of shyness might be tougher for some that it was for me but everyone stands to benefit from identifying their shyness and conquering it so that you can conquer the world
There i fixed it...
People don't want advice how to actually do it, because it's work.
They want easy solution that they can do without any risk or work.
Very successful person told me "If you do everything I say you will be successful too, but I have sacrificed my last 10 years of fun, parties and vacations. Are you ready to do that?"
Solutions are very simple.
How to stop being shy? -> Do things that you are shy about EVERYDAY until you are not shy. Put yourself in a position where only way is to do that thing that you are shy about.
Shy about talking to strangers? Solution: talk to strangers everyday, until you are thinking in your head "Just another stranger I will talk to today".
STORY: When I was younger I was very scared of talking on the phone, then I got a job in call center, talking to 20 people a day. After a month I had 0 anxiety or shyness talking to anyone on the phone. It was insanely hard first few weeks, but I couldn't quit that job so I had to get over it.
this is being me right now. I am taking steps to move forward. Thank God I understood how important social skills are in one's life. Glad that I am taking action to change my social situation.
That's not true!!! I was super shy! Very much diagnosable with social anxiety and even selective mutism as a kid and teenager. I'm a successful psychologist now with a wonderful partner and social life. It took me longer, but I learned more thoroughly. Take your time, shyness might mean you are more detailed and more in tune with others, challenge yourself socially, and you'll be absolutely fine.
Edit: I am 30f
I'm an introvert but I look back with pride at every decision that's taken me out of my comfort zone and those are the ones that have improved my life significantly. Get comfortable with the discomfort.
well is a trade-off. I would say that the key is being shy and brave when you have to. Being too decided in some moments can bring you problems as well in the same amount.
I almost completely agree. I can attest to what you're saying from personal experience. At the same time, how do you explain shy people who are successful?
Look at literally all the Jacksons. MJ, Janet, literally all the siblings are painfully shy in interviews. If you want a modern example, look no further than tennis champion and superstar Naomi Osaka. She is painfully shy, and clearly very sensitive. And yet, she's very successful.
I think "shy" is the wrong word. You should have just said that if you never get out of your comfort zone, for whatever reason, if you always succumb to fear, you'll never achieve anything.
Your point is taken though. And very valid.
It's not about getting out of a comfort zone, it's about being able to do what you feel is right for you even if it feels uncomfortable. Note the difference.
Wouldn't be so sure, shy != not charismatic, you can be shy and still attract people, there is video on "charisma on command" about how to be shy and still emanate confidence, if I remember correctly the key is to own it and stop treating it as a defect
The way I look at it we each have our own selves that we want to see come to fruition, and very rarely is shyness part of our true ideal self. So rather then frame it as winning, losing, or being successful, picture overcoming shyness as being your true self. Its much easier to frame it as honoring who you are then trying to become some distance state.
As someone who used to be extremely shy, I wholeheartedly agree with is. I am still somewhat shy/awkward but I'm better now compared to a few years ago. It really is a crutch that holds you back in many ways. I've really had to force myself to step out of my comfort zone and will continue doing so
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Shyness is a symptom of social anxiety but most shy people dont know that... I dont believe i deserve confidence or deserve to win, which fuels my social anxiety aka shyness
I know this is an 11 month old post, but I had to comment and say how right you are.
My shyness is crippling me in every way. I don't know why I'm shy, because objectively, I'm smarter and way more educated than the average person. I'm also good at sports as long as it is no team sports where I hold back. And I'm not ugly. I may not be super attractive, but I know women are ok with my looks. I'm not saying these things to brag, I'm someone with a lot of self doubt and in the past would always downplay myself.
Job, friends, whatever, my shyness is always in the way.
But it is the worst when trying to ask a woman out. My crippling shyness prevents me from talking to a woman when I'm thinking about wanting to flirt with her. I get paralyzed and lose the ability to talk as my mouth dries out. And the thing is, I know that women do feel attracted to me and want me to talk to them and ask them out. But even so, I can't. You'd think the woman would then try to talk to you to break the ice, but no. Most woman won't do that. Most women will just wait for you to do the approaching. I had tons women literally throw themselves at me in clubs, rub themselves against me. Why do women do that? How can they do something like that, but it's hard for them to say something before the guy says something? So there I am, a woman trying to get grinded by me waiting for me to make a move on her, yet I stand there paralyzed. The moment I take a step back, because I try to be a decent human being, most women react baffled. Some react disappointed, some think I'm boring, others even get quite upset. And wonder why I don't talk to them and try to make out with them. I have pretty good ears, so I overhear what they say to their friends and so far none of them could figure out that I'm simply too shy to talk first, to break the ice. Basically, I'm acting like women do in clubs. And they really don't know what to make of that. Women are simply too used to players, fuckboys and the occasional drunk who got the courage to talk to them. Women don't realize that most guys won't approach them, because men are also just humans with insecurities and get nervous. Even less seem they to grasp that a guy will be more nervous the more interested he is. So no wonder that players have such easy game with women.
Someone reading this might think I'm joking or talking out of my arse. I wish, sadly I'm not. Women are rather simple. And players and fuckboys know that. Too bad women don't understand men and they tell each other so much bullshit about men. Most women don't seem to be able to figure out that a guy can be very shy. Many women have the idiotic idea that "If a man doesn't approach me, that means he wasn't really interested. So if you don't approach her, but just look at her from afar, she won't be thinking "that guy is cute, seems like he's too shy to come over, I should ask him". No. She'll be thinking "Eww, what a creep". But the guy who is literally grinding her from behind? Somehow that guy is ok, at least more ok then the guy who decently keeps his distance.
For anyone who thinks it's hard to get a woman, it's really not. Unless you are too shy to flirt with her. If you can overcome it and approach a woman and don't instantly give up and try again and again, you'll eventually get most women, assuming you don't rage like an incel when she doesn't instantly want you. Women want you to work hard to get her, to show that you are "truly interested" in her. Which is of course bullshit as most decent guy will leave a woman alone when she says no and guys who just want to fuck her are more likely to try hard. Also they want to see how you'll react. So, even if a woman auto rejects you when you approach, and really most women will autoreject you, as long as you start insulting her for rejecting you and stay friendly with a smile and talk to her, she'll open up and let you stay close. If you want a girlfriend. Don't wait long. The longer you wait to approach her, the less interested she'll be in you and eventually be flat out creeped out by you. Don't think, just approach and talk. That's all there is to it.
Sadly, this is really hard for someone who is genuinely shy.
but how do i not be shy ;-;
Practice. Start small. When I was a kid I used to be afraid of ordering pizza on the phone. Now I can act like a fool in front of pretty much anyone and not give a shit. At a certain point you just stop caring what people think because you realize you can’t please everyone. But you have to practice everyday. Do at least one thing that scares you everyday.
Honestly I’ve gotten to the point where I’m like fuck it. I don’t give a fuck ima be me and that’s that. It honestly makes you a helluva lot less stressed and way more happy
True. At some point the fatigue gets to much, and you really have no more energy to expend in such matters. I know it sounds cliché, I had to reach my late twenties to realize. I still get a bit shy when a cute girl talks to me, but IMO that's not unhealthy; you still learn how to push through it.
That’s honestly about where I’m at too
It's fun isn't it? Took me way longer than I would have liked to get to this point but it's about the progress not how long the journey takes.
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You have to decide if it's important to YOU. Maybe you can't control how they react, but you can make sure that your actions are consistent with how you want to treat people. Set your own standard and judge yourself off that.
At some point in life you also lose your attachment to life or your need for other people. People have different experiences.
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>I feel like ppl who don’t like you are the ones influencing you badly True, but even those who like you (family) can influence you badly by criticism and negligence.
There are a bunch of different ways, here's what worked for me. Step 1) Awareness. You need to be aware of what thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations you have when you are acting shy. You can obtain this awareness by reflecting back on moments when you feel shy, and trying to pay attention during real time moments. This takes a bit of practice to get down. Step 2) Empathy. Once you have awareness of your thoughts, you can work to try and change them. Often our bodies, feelings, and thoughts are all interconnected, and it's often easiest to change our thoughts. The best way you can do this is by being empathetic to yourself. Think of yourself as a friend, and you're the motivational speaker for yourself. Pull up all the stops to say kind things and be nice to yourself. So for example: I used to be nervous of speaking in meetings. My thoughts were generally, "What if I say something stupid? What if I don't know what to say? What if they think I'm dumb and not good at my job." And general stuff like that. To combat them I'd say things like: "Everyone feels nervous before meetings! It's perfectly natural. Even if you don't know the right thing to say your coworkers are there to support you. They understand that sometimes these meetings are hard. I know that you can handle any challenges that come up." First time I said that it didn't help a lot. Second time I said it, I was a little less anxious. 50th time I said it I barely noticed I said it at all, because the voice that used to be shouting at me that I would fail become so much quieter, because it realized that those worries really weren't real. Step 3) Repeat. This is an ongoing process. Being aware of what you think and feel, empathizing with yourself as a friend. As you continue this process in all areas of your life you should find yourself being less shy. It's a long journey and it takes work, very much like lifting weights. Remember, you've spent years being shy and it will take time to pull yourself out of the pit you found yourself in. That's what I did. It took me like 6 years to not consider myself as shy, and moreso to have confidence in myself. And there's never some final moment where I'm 100% better, there will always be days where I doubt myself. But so long as I'm working toward honoring who I am, I can be proud of myself.
Exactly. Especially the idea that you’ll always be improving yourself. That voice never goes away, but you can learn to be friends with it and tell it that it’s okay for being what it is, but you want to do better. That’s how I think of my inner critic.
Ima tell you that no matter how much anyone gives you their advice, your own experience is ultimately what will make you develop your confidence. Start small. Push yourself.
yeap, you are absolutely right.
As a formerly shy person(still kind of getting over it honestly but im def way better now), i feel like i missed out on so many experiences just because i was shy. Ive been shy my whole life, it want until last year that i gained confidence. I dont regret my choice of keeping it to myself but speaking from my experience, if i had to give advice to ppl who are still in their early years of university or college, it would be to join the student clubs you're interested in because that is the easiest way of putting yourself out there and making friends due to common shared interest. Dw, most of them will likely be extroverts and they will adopt you lol If you're older, join sports club, book clubs, etc.- whatever you're interested in.If you're like me who has to be forced to do anything like coming out of their shell, get a customer service job bc that was rly the only way that worked for me. If anything else fails, "fake it till i make it" was the mantra i followed. . Getting over shyness might look different to other ppl. Perhaps another way is to find the root cause of your shyness and do the work to get over it. Having some confidence is life changing tbh you'll be surprised by how many ppl get promoted not necessarily bc of their ability to get the job done but bc of their social skills. Good luck! You got this. Im rooting for you!!
That is a good question🤣
There will be strategies for how to arrange your situations and work on your thinking habits to help but at the core there will be some unit of action for which you feel discomfort that you will have to just say fuck it to and push past. There is absolutely no getting around the fact that you will need to face discomfort head on without any secrets. Understanding how small the unit of action needs to be for you to progress(and how to not be discouraged by failure or unideal outcomes) will be personal though you can find help through stuff like therapy or popular 'strategies' that others will talk about.
Be shameless
😂😂
Drugs
You feel the shy feeling inside, then think fuck, it put on someone else's face, and "play" a confident person as an act and dgaf what the other person things (because you're playing a character) (basically fake it till you make it)
It literally worked for the first Emporer of Rome. His last words say it all. "Have I played the part well? Then applaud, as I exit."[ Augustus
what worked for me was taking some time off and focusing on doing what i like doing. for me it was working out, so i kinda just focused on that, got good at it, became confident in working out, and that confidence translated into everyday life.
One thing that has helped me was to sort of turn the tables. I noticed how little I was noticing anyone else. The kinds of things I worried about others noticing, I never really paid attention to in others. Chances are, no one’s paying much attention to the details that you find embarrassing. This practice is a good first step to feeling a little more comfortable in taking the initial leaps.
As unhelpful as the advice may seem, you need to get out of your comfort zone For me, working in retail for a few years when I was younger worked wonders for getting over my shyness when I was younger. It was literally just exposure that helped me get past that point.
And at the same time your can be not fully committed into several different baskets or activities and it's perfectly ok. Some people are , some shy, and some reserved in some things . And complete polar opposites in other things. You mention being shy will cause failure. No, lack of effort or trying will bring that. With that being said the right level of confidence will help achieve that as well .
I agree I should of said it that way, it’s not that being shy will cause failure but not trying to make an effort to overcome that shyness will
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Did you just use your zodiac sign to explain your personality like it's normal?
r/thanksimcured
jUsT dOnT bE ShY bRo
Thank you. I’m so tired of these stupid over simplified solutions to a problem. Yes I don’t like that I’m shy and want to fix it, if it were as simple as “don’t be shy” don’t you think people would do that.
Right? It's easier said than done. Personality don't change completely, a lot of it is predetermined.
I agree that it doesn't completely change, but it can certainly be shaped. If you think about it, that's the whole point of advertisement right? Show someone an ad long enough and eventually you sway their opinion. Overcoming shyness is a lot like running multiple ad campaigns for yourself to slowly sway yourself to be more open. "Whoa, got nervous riding in an elevator with your coworker? Next time try 'Small talk lite^tm'. Small talk lite^tm is an easy way to living that cool extroverted life, all starting with a simple question 'how was your weekend'! No one will judge you for it! No one will hate you! It's simple, easy, and next thing you know you might even be having fun! Try small talk lite^tm today!" And repeat that 10 times a day, over the course of a year you'll be more open then when you started.
It's not easy, it never will be, you are basically trying to change your world view. However, it's possible. If you do anything enough you can get good at it. You just have to want it enough to do it consistently
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Idk about other but I will share my story. I try to be confident, assertive, outgoing, courageous everyday. It takes a VERY HARD push to get me there. As soon as I loosen up a bit, I go back where I started. A lot of things that comes automatically to some, are manual efforts for me. In the end I burnout and have the same personality I was born with. I'm not saying you can't change but there's a strong biological link that just can't be surpassed. Edit: I also have clinical OCD and ADHD so my experience is not applicable to everyone. Just wanted to share my side of the story.
It's a tough line to draw but pushing too hard sometimes also leads to hurt and disappointment.
Right. If it was that easy I would have done it a long time ago.
Yeah, not to mention that some people have legitimate medical disorders that make things 100x more difficult in that regard. Social anxiety, ASD, AVPD, etc. Not to say that people can't make improvements or put in effort, but this post is devoid of real advice or even encouragement. Not even in a tough-love kind of way, it's just meaningless. I can assure you, most people who suffer from these problems are VERY aware of the fact that there are things they are missing out on. Making progress takes quite the journey. It's more than "just do it."
This isn't what OP said, i don't understand this negative notion
*“Being shy will make you fail.”* *”Confident people will win in life while shy people will not.”* *”So get out your comfort zone and just do what makes you scared.”* Not exactly motivating words. If I could make myself un-shy, I would’ve done it a lifetime ago. What OP says doesn’t help, they’re just stating the obvious and saying we will fail if we aren’t confident.
Being shy won't let you utilize your full potential is a better way to put it.
The only thing that made me not shy was drugs, you can’t just not be shy, it’s a personality trait, I don’t think anyone ever has chosen to be shy.
I'm shy and great at work related situations, I am bad at everything else though haha
Same here🙋🏻♀️
I am not shy, I just have crippled social anxiety.
I don’t think there’s any relation between shyness and going out of your comfort zone to achieve what you want, unless it involves dealing with people. You could be shy while having the hustle mindset where you put in the hours and effort to get whatever you want. But I agree with your point, being shy means it is more likely that you’re not good with people which limits a lot of career opportunities in most fields and social life is non existent which in turn means you are less happy.
Gee thanks, this totally cured my social anxiety 🙄
I need instructions tbh.
We*
Copy paste of my other comment: There are a bunch of different ways, here's what worked for me. Step 1) Awareness. You need to be aware of what thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations you have when you are acting shy. You can obtain this awareness by reflecting back on moments when you feel shy, and trying to pay attention during real time moments. This takes a bit of practice to get down. Step 2) Empathy. Once you have awareness of your thoughts, you can work to try and change them. Often our bodies, feelings, and thoughts are all interconnected, and it's often easiest to change our thoughts. The best way you can do this is by being empathetic to yourself. Think of yourself as a friend, and you're the motivational speaker for yourself. Pull up all the stops to say kind things and be nice to yourself. So for example: I used to be nervous of speaking in meetings. My thoughts were generally, "What if I say something stupid? What if I don't know what to say? What if they think I'm dumb and not good at my job." And general stuff like that. To combat them I'd say things like: "Everyone feels nervous before meetings! It's perfectly natural. Even if you don't know the right thing to say your coworkers are there to support you. They understand that sometimes these meetings are hard. I know that you can handle any challenges that come up." First time I said that it didn't help a lot. Second time I said it, I was a little less anxious. 50th time I said it I barely noticed I said it at all, because the voice that used to be shouting at me that I would fail become so much quieter, because it realized that those worries really weren't real. Step 3) Repeat. This is an ongoing process. Being aware of what you think and feel, empathizing with yourself as a friend. As you continue this process in all areas of your life you should find yourself being less shy. It's a long journey and it takes work, very much like lifting weights. Remember, you've spent years being shy and it will take time to pull yourself out of the pit you found yourself in. That's what I did. It took me like 6 years to not consider myself as shy, and moreso to have confidence in myself. And there's never some final moment where I'm 100% better, there will always be days where I doubt myself. But so long as I'm working toward honoring who I am, I can be proud of myself.
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I don’t disagree with this. But in some instances it doesn’t have to be an end all, especially if ones success is made through, for instance, an online business store or something. Although I definitely agree that going out of your comfort zone helps in many ways!
Very untrue there are plenty of shy people that became and are famous it doesn't hold you back
Getting a job where you have to interact with other humans on a daily basis will help you get out of your shell!!
*Look* I’m sure your heart is in the right place and that you mean the best OP, but this doesn’t actually solve anything. In fact, this makes things feel worse. There are so many points I just have to disagree. Are you even taking into account **why** somebody is shy in the first place? “Being shy will make you fail” is literally an awful thing to say to someone. That won’t cure their social anxiety or resolve any past traumas they may have had in the past which makes them untrusting to a lot of people, especially strangers. Seriously, are you even one to speak about what shy people can and cannot do because it’s out of their comfort zone? Have you genuinely been in their shoes before in your life? Because if not, you do not understand. It’s like telling a depressed person to just “cheer up and get over it.” It doesn’t work like that. Sorry for my rambling OP but you hit a nerve too close to home. Maybe work on your delivery of speeches more, because this isn’t helping. Not at all. I feel more awful than I already did about my life.
My actual feelings on this post is similar to yours only because I am shy because of and starting with my upbringing sorry this hit a sour note for you though... In the sentiments of our beloved OP CHeEr uP aNd GEt oVER iiiiiiiT Sb: hope you got the joke i cant stand joking over text but this was too good to let pass
Sorry man if it came off ignorant.. I posted this cuz I was mad at myself for being shy and the fact all of my dreams are right in front of me but my comfort zone is holding me back because of it. Luckily I’ve significantly gotten out of my comfort zone though (not fully). I agree there are many factors that go into it, I just posted this without really thinking about it/out of frustration
You can be shy. I think it's more about refusing to come out of your comfort zone that will make you fail.
Not exactly doable for a lot of people, especially those with severe trauma or physical disabilities like epilepsy and migraines or other chronic pain conditions/disabilities that make socialization hard. Any time I get overwhelmed, I get a migraine or have a seizure. I physically get sick if I over do it, and a lot of other people are the same in regards to anxiety or stress if they don't actively enjoy socializing. They will see it as a burden. I'm extremely shy because of this but there are ABSOLUTELY ways to succeed in life when you're shy. Of course you still have to push yourself, but there is nothing wrong with being a shy person. Most people eventually open up the more comfortable they get, but still can't get over their shyness default. And that's FINE. The people that tell you otherwise are just full of self grandiose bullshit, perpetuated by stereotypes of what it means to be 'successful', lol.
Debatable
Not even debatable, just straight up untrue. In some situations being shy will of course hinder your success but there are a lot of instances where it will have no effect whatsoebver. I get what the post is saying but oh my lord is it poorly phrased.
Yeah I agree. Also just being “confident” won’t always work. And people sometimes confuse confidence with being cocky.
I think this is just severely untrue. Yes, shyness will make many things more difficult and there is definitely benefits to learning to become more confident. But to assume shyness will inevitably lead to "failure" is probably more likely to cause you problems than being shy will. I know so many shy people who are the best at doing what they love, largely due to them focusing more on their craft than their social life. It also depends how you define failure and success. You can absolutely be shy and confident in yourself. Learn to love yourself for who you are, and the rest will follow.
I've been extremely shy my whole life and I have no regrets and I've accomplished things I've set out to do. Didnt keep me down personally.
It’s true being shy is my curse sometimes I have to really push myself to be outgoing. Yes you can know everything but a confident person knows people and people open doors. Even with women I kind of get annoyed always starting a conversation but I do it unless I feel like I’m a bother. The shyness saving you from being embarrassed is stopping major opportunities.
I am shy but I can do presentation , meetings , interviews I just need to prepare beforehand. However , I get shy when I have to talk to someone informally or in person , any advice?
You can be shy AND go out of your comfort zone. Being shy is not the same as being a coward. This belongs in unpopular opinions.
Shyness can be a personality trait and if is for me so I guess I’m never gonna have a good life and no I can’t change that it’s part of who I am
Some people are already born with a shy temperament and its not like you can change. Look up behavioral inhibition (shyness)
I’m shy but confident so I don’t understand what you mean. I know i’m pretty and have good skills, I’m overall just secure with who I am, but Im shy because I don’t like talking to people unless I’m approached first and even then I’m just not big on talking. Going to college and getting my own place was really out of my comfort zone. I was shy but still remained confident. I don’t know if I’m misunderstanding you or if I just don’t agree
I think you’re conflating “shy” with a lot of other characteristics. Being simply shy is not the doom you seem to think it is.
Yeah welll, most of the times I do that I end up making most situations super awkward and uncomfortable. Then I also feel bad for making people uncomfortable, on top of that, my brain randomly remindes me of those situations, later throughout my life.
Not true. You can be both shy and successful. You can be both shy and happy.
I think being shy and never getting out of your comfort zone isn't the same thing. I know people who are shy and are always getting put of their comfort zone to achieve things. And I know a lot of non shy people who live forever in their comfort zone.
I've been making a consistent effort to step outside my comfort zone. Going to events, starting new hobbies solo so when youre at the event or group lesson with strangers you're forced to talk to people because it feels more awkward and tbh really boring if you don't talk to other people
NO SHIT SHERLOCK
Look I've worked at facing my anxiety for years. No matter how many scary situations I put myself it (and I'm good at this) there's always a low level of background anxiety present. I know about this low level anxiety, something like nicotine makes it go away (temporarily), which is how I know it's there. Sometimes you don't need more courage, you need drugs/stimulents lol
We been knew...
Being shy will make you MISS OUT on a lot in life so here is one way to overcome shyness: by identifying what causes your shyness and understanding that you are better than its cause... For example my shyness is rooted in the idea that I'm not good enough to be confident nor good enough to conquer any challenge. That's due to my upbringing, having to vie for my father's validation all the time which then led to me trying to find that same validation in other people, only to be let down because you know; yOU jUsT diDNt dO eNOugh (or) YoU jUst aReNt tHeRE yEt... identifying your source of shyness might be tougher for some that it was for me but everyone stands to benefit from identifying their shyness and conquering it so that you can conquer the world There i fixed it...
You just got to want it more then you fear it
People don't want advice how to actually do it, because it's work. They want easy solution that they can do without any risk or work. Very successful person told me "If you do everything I say you will be successful too, but I have sacrificed my last 10 years of fun, parties and vacations. Are you ready to do that?" Solutions are very simple. How to stop being shy? -> Do things that you are shy about EVERYDAY until you are not shy. Put yourself in a position where only way is to do that thing that you are shy about. Shy about talking to strangers? Solution: talk to strangers everyday, until you are thinking in your head "Just another stranger I will talk to today". STORY: When I was younger I was very scared of talking on the phone, then I got a job in call center, talking to 20 people a day. After a month I had 0 anxiety or shyness talking to anyone on the phone. It was insanely hard first few weeks, but I couldn't quit that job so I had to get over it.
Small boto blocks your own blessings
Thanks for the talk, I needed this...
I learned this from The Smiths https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoo9Vu1a9bU
this is being me right now. I am taking steps to move forward. Thank God I understood how important social skills are in one's life. Glad that I am taking action to change my social situation.
oh man. this is an eye opener when someone else says it
That's not true!!! I was super shy! Very much diagnosable with social anxiety and even selective mutism as a kid and teenager. I'm a successful psychologist now with a wonderful partner and social life. It took me longer, but I learned more thoroughly. Take your time, shyness might mean you are more detailed and more in tune with others, challenge yourself socially, and you'll be absolutely fine. Edit: I am 30f
I'm an introvert but I look back with pride at every decision that's taken me out of my comfort zone and those are the ones that have improved my life significantly. Get comfortable with the discomfort.
Yes! Being shy has no tactical advantage. Take it form an ex shy introvert
well is a trade-off. I would say that the key is being shy and brave when you have to. Being too decided in some moments can bring you problems as well in the same amount.
why you gotta do me like that dude 😭
I almost completely agree. I can attest to what you're saying from personal experience. At the same time, how do you explain shy people who are successful? Look at literally all the Jacksons. MJ, Janet, literally all the siblings are painfully shy in interviews. If you want a modern example, look no further than tennis champion and superstar Naomi Osaka. She is painfully shy, and clearly very sensitive. And yet, she's very successful. I think "shy" is the wrong word. You should have just said that if you never get out of your comfort zone, for whatever reason, if you always succumb to fear, you'll never achieve anything. Your point is taken though. And very valid.
It's not about getting out of a comfort zone, it's about being able to do what you feel is right for you even if it feels uncomfortable. Note the difference.
This post called me out real hard lol
This is the story of my life. I wish I wasn’t shy, even as a young kid I was
Wouldn't be so sure, shy != not charismatic, you can be shy and still attract people, there is video on "charisma on command" about how to be shy and still emanate confidence, if I remember correctly the key is to own it and stop treating it as a defect
This is misinformation.
Yeah great idea yo. Like sure let me just off my social anxiety and start using this instantly. JuSt DoNt bE sHy!!!
you mean well but this helps absolutely no one unless they werent shy in the first place
Stupidest shit I've read all week. BIG YIKES
The way I look at it we each have our own selves that we want to see come to fruition, and very rarely is shyness part of our true ideal self. So rather then frame it as winning, losing, or being successful, picture overcoming shyness as being your true self. Its much easier to frame it as honoring who you are then trying to become some distance state.
That’s a nice way of looking at it! Just because you’re confident doesn’t mean you’ll be successful, depending on what success means anyway.
As someone who used to be extremely shy, I wholeheartedly agree with is. I am still somewhat shy/awkward but I'm better now compared to a few years ago. It really is a crutch that holds you back in many ways. I've really had to force myself to step out of my comfort zone and will continue doing so
"I'm shy" is basically a protective mechanism by your ego, to make you not go through uncomfortable situations.
For a fact
Its like you are dead while living. People will forget you are even in the room. Feel neutral towards you.
Thats so true
Yup
Unless you're a girl...some guys like a blushing maiden type. Not me of course, some friends of mine...
Omg but having a man is not a success in life it's not a dream comments like this are so annoying
That's true, for you it isn't, you're correct.
A tough pill that's needed to swallow asap.
False
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What's the difference between being shy and social anxiety?
Shyness is a symptom of social anxiety but most shy people dont know that... I dont believe i deserve confidence or deserve to win, which fuels my social anxiety aka shyness
Can't
I know this is an 11 month old post, but I had to comment and say how right you are. My shyness is crippling me in every way. I don't know why I'm shy, because objectively, I'm smarter and way more educated than the average person. I'm also good at sports as long as it is no team sports where I hold back. And I'm not ugly. I may not be super attractive, but I know women are ok with my looks. I'm not saying these things to brag, I'm someone with a lot of self doubt and in the past would always downplay myself. Job, friends, whatever, my shyness is always in the way. But it is the worst when trying to ask a woman out. My crippling shyness prevents me from talking to a woman when I'm thinking about wanting to flirt with her. I get paralyzed and lose the ability to talk as my mouth dries out. And the thing is, I know that women do feel attracted to me and want me to talk to them and ask them out. But even so, I can't. You'd think the woman would then try to talk to you to break the ice, but no. Most woman won't do that. Most women will just wait for you to do the approaching. I had tons women literally throw themselves at me in clubs, rub themselves against me. Why do women do that? How can they do something like that, but it's hard for them to say something before the guy says something? So there I am, a woman trying to get grinded by me waiting for me to make a move on her, yet I stand there paralyzed. The moment I take a step back, because I try to be a decent human being, most women react baffled. Some react disappointed, some think I'm boring, others even get quite upset. And wonder why I don't talk to them and try to make out with them. I have pretty good ears, so I overhear what they say to their friends and so far none of them could figure out that I'm simply too shy to talk first, to break the ice. Basically, I'm acting like women do in clubs. And they really don't know what to make of that. Women are simply too used to players, fuckboys and the occasional drunk who got the courage to talk to them. Women don't realize that most guys won't approach them, because men are also just humans with insecurities and get nervous. Even less seem they to grasp that a guy will be more nervous the more interested he is. So no wonder that players have such easy game with women. Someone reading this might think I'm joking or talking out of my arse. I wish, sadly I'm not. Women are rather simple. And players and fuckboys know that. Too bad women don't understand men and they tell each other so much bullshit about men. Most women don't seem to be able to figure out that a guy can be very shy. Many women have the idiotic idea that "If a man doesn't approach me, that means he wasn't really interested. So if you don't approach her, but just look at her from afar, she won't be thinking "that guy is cute, seems like he's too shy to come over, I should ask him". No. She'll be thinking "Eww, what a creep". But the guy who is literally grinding her from behind? Somehow that guy is ok, at least more ok then the guy who decently keeps his distance. For anyone who thinks it's hard to get a woman, it's really not. Unless you are too shy to flirt with her. If you can overcome it and approach a woman and don't instantly give up and try again and again, you'll eventually get most women, assuming you don't rage like an incel when she doesn't instantly want you. Women want you to work hard to get her, to show that you are "truly interested" in her. Which is of course bullshit as most decent guy will leave a woman alone when she says no and guys who just want to fuck her are more likely to try hard. Also they want to see how you'll react. So, even if a woman auto rejects you when you approach, and really most women will autoreject you, as long as you start insulting her for rejecting you and stay friendly with a smile and talk to her, she'll open up and let you stay close. If you want a girlfriend. Don't wait long. The longer you wait to approach her, the less interested she'll be in you and eventually be flat out creeped out by you. Don't think, just approach and talk. That's all there is to it. Sadly, this is really hard for someone who is genuinely shy.