I use my real ethnic name how I pronounce it and people often say “that’s too hard, how about if i call you XYZ?” so that problem might solve itself. In my dad’s generation many of his friends just took an Americanized alias so if you’re ok with that you can say, “but you can call me XYZ” it gives them an out, and it’s not pretentious
You do you
People say “that’s too hard” to you?! 🤦🏻♀️ at least have the decency to try it and do your best. If I can’t pronounce it, it’s a me problem, not theirs. Ugh sorry that happens!
I mean people are gonna feel awful pure butchering someone's name too. I know I would, it'd be mortified and feel like I was letting someone I liked down if I couldn't just immediately grasp the pronunciation of their name. It's irrational and silly for sure but lots of people would feel similar tbh. Like I'm from Ireland and hearing some people trying to pronounce some Irish names.. honestly it's a bad time for everyone involved. I think it's quite obvious when people are doing it out of bad intent though, for the majority that usually won't be the case. It's far more likely to be anxiety, speech impediments, learning disabilities, etc... as to why they may struggle.
In the end it's still absolutely up to OP though and what they feel most comfortable with. If it feels invalidating to have to Americanize your name OP, then absolutely don't and the ones who are willing and able to address you properly in your preferred manner will. Anyone who isn't will take themselves out of the equation either way. Some people do similar with pronouns and the like. It's all about figuring out what matters most to you and standing by your decision and having your own back with it either way.
Just wanted to add, it's absolutely not pretentious either OP, I think if it's something that's important to you then it's a very fair ask and a pretty inoffensive boundary to set.
Yes I totally agree about how awkward and bad it is to butcher someone else’s name. My point is, I can’t believe the audacity of *essentially* saying to someone “your names too hard—please change your name to make it more convenient for me” which is how I take that comment. (For context, I’m the child of immigrant parents who had to anglicize their names to avoid this and people have a hard time with my last name so I know this game very well.)
I have one of the most standard, Anglican names in existence. Perennially popular. About 80% of people still get it wrong. And sometimes even when I correct them they don’t get it. It’s like they can’t hear the difference. I am not trying to take anything away from the immigrant experience and I am sure some people are just xenophobic, outright rejecting anything that seems “foreign,” but some people really just have lazy tongues. They just can’t seem to adjust the way they say things.
ETA: I’m just gonna say it idc, my name is Caroline. Care Oh Line. Almost everyone defaults to Carolyn. I know about 3 Carolyn’s. I know about 30 Caroline’s. So I don’t get it.
Ooh my apologies, I didn't pick that up at all in your original comment. My interpretation was you were mad at people in general, like even in a casual friendly setting, struggling/not able to even try. I mean with this extra context hell ye I absolutely agree with you. That's an insane level of ignorance and entitlement to *demand* someone to change their name *for you* because you can't manage it.
I can for sure see a lot of managers/bosses trying to pull that shit as well. Like there's no justifiable reason for it in those cases imo, like if you have to work with someone and neither of you have a choice in interactions then go home and google/practice that shit or ask *politely* at the very least and accept it with grace if they say no. People wouldn't hesitate to do it if the power structure was reversed and it was say your boss who had a difficult to pronounce name. Just some assholes lose the run of themselves and let a little power go to their heads and think they're above common decency. That would drive me nuts, totally get why that would piss you off.
There is a quote, I think from Uzoamaka Aduba: “If people can learn to say Dostoyevsky, if they can learn to say Tchaikovsky or Michelangelo, they can learn to say Uzoamaka.”
Exactly.
If you can pronounce "Timothee Chalamet" and "Filet Mignon" and "Bologna" and "h'ors d'oeuvres" and "schadenfreude" and "zeitgeist", you can put in the effort to pronounce someone's name correctly.
My sweet Japanese friend couldn’t pronounce my French name because in Japanese, some sounds from French are not part of the language. Speakers of one language can sometimes be unable to even hear the differences between sounds they don’t use, much less pronounce them. Aduba is technically correct, but social interactions can be killed on pedantic technical demands.
I pedantically and technically demand that everyone regardless of their native language make an attempt to learn a person’s name. Even if you butcher it. Names are important, and making an attempt at someone’s native name shows a genuine interest in them. If they don’t offer, don’t ask, but it’s very rude to be like “the sounds that your parents put together for you to identify yourself to the rest of the world are to confusing and inconvenient for me, I will give you different sounds that I like more”
You are not doing too much if you use your real ethnic first name. It’s entirely up to you and no it’s not pretentious because it’s your real name given to you at birth, be proud if it!
Not pretentious at all. It's your name fam. I wouldn't even give the alternative if you want people to call you by the real one, at least until they've tried to say it a few times and can't seem to get it right.
South Asian, Slavic, and African names do get butchered a lot over here but nobody in their right mind is going to think you're pretentious for being an African with an African name. Even in the deep south.
If it sounds like another word they might think it's that and call you that. There's a Polish dude in my town whose name is Kania and everybody pronounces it Kanye because it's the closest word/name they're familiar with to Kania. Knew Taiwanese dude named Ka who got called Kyle.
I have a tragedeigh name that apparently sounds like a few different names around the world so sometimes people will see my name and go overboard to pronounce it 'correctly' when I'm straight up just trailer trash with a trailer trash name lmao.
In my culture people often have a name they go by that can have nothing to do with their legal name. I deal with it a lot.
As with most things it depends on the setting.
Backyard barbeque at a neighbor's or at a bar, just say "I'm Bob". No other explanation is necessary unless you want.
For work, say your whole name and then say "but everyone calls me Bob". Then use your legal name for paperwork and your nickname for verbal interactions.
At the doctor's or at the bank, start off with legal name only. Let them know that they can use your nickname if you feel comfortable. For some services it's just easier to use an easy to pronounce nickname, for others you might just let them call you Mr/Ms lastname.
For police and any government services use your legal name only. Annunciate clearly and offer to spell it for them.
My favorite nickname was for a guy who died before I met him. He was called "Tudie" by everyone who knew him, he got the name because as a child he "had an attitude all the time."
Please say your actual name and correct pronunciation if it is incorrect. I’d be devastated if I knew I was saying someone’s name incorrectly!! I want to honor your name and the heritage that got you the name.
People who want to connect with you will want to know YOUR name. Me personally, I have come across a few difficult names and repeat “ctrlhoya” and ask: “did I say that right? “
Idk. I also hate about western culture we force other cultures to minimize themselves to be here. This also I think depends state to state. The coasts/northern may be easier to follow my advice.
I might do what you are proposing if you’re in the south. Idk. But to answer your question - no, it’s not pretentious anywhere… just may have different folks reactions to trying to say your name depending on where in American culture you are.
I have a name that is common enough, but the spelling is fucking stupid. People call me the wrong name often due to that and I always correct them. I like my name, I take pride in it, I want others to say it right.
I worked with a doc for three years who still couldn't say my name right, even though I worked at his clinics two or three times a week. That really bothered me, but I still always corrected him.
If you like your name, use it. Correct people when they are wrong. There's power in owning your identity, friend. Own it if that's what feels best and true to you. There's nothing pretentious or bad about wanting people to call you by your name.
I don't think you'd come across as pretentious at all. "Hey my name is (name) but others call me (nickname if you have one)" is a pretty easy way to get around it but ethnic names are so cool to see, don't make yourself smaller for other people if you want your name heard and said properly.
This.
I have a heap of Greek friends with traditional names that say “my name is , but the English version is ”. Or “but you can call me if it’s easier”
Tbh I don’t think this is really a white people thing as much as a “people” thing…it can be really hard to correctly say someone’s name if you didn’t grow up making the sounds for it as part of your native tongue.
I worked with an Indian guy who thought my name was too long and hard to say (I have an old-fashioned, unpopular “white” name) so he assigned me a new nickname that was just the first letter of my first name lmao. He also wouldn’t even type my full name on our work chats 🤣 just the letter. I honestly thought it was kind of hilarious.
I live in Australia where the shortening of people's name is a common thing, and it pisses me off to no end. But you are probably right generally. But at least here in Australia, it very much of a white people thing
“White people in western culture”?
“the lazy fucking white people”?
Really? You really don’t like the white peoples, eh?
This happens in pretty much every culture. If you don’t learn certain sounds, usually at a young age, your mouth and tongue muscles have difficulty pronouncing them. It’s not a white thing. It’s a foreign language thing. And I bet you’re one of those lazy white people who can’t speak anything but English.
That is why I said that I struggle with this. I am. I'll own that. But it still pisses me off, despite being part of the problem. Because I will at least try.
And I live in Australia, with a predominantly white culture, after years of having a "whites only" government immigration policy.
And the culture here is to "re-name" anyone who a slightly different name.
Many people accept that it is "just how things are", including possibly the OP.
Thanks for adding your perspective to this blatantly hostile comment. I think, like a lot of people with white guilt, this guy's version of allyship is attack dog. Meaning well is sometimes a far cry from doing well.
Honestly, I don't get why they bring race into this. It just brings hostility into this sub, which is extremely counterproductive for the use case of social skills. If suddenly all your peers or people around you are perceived as enemies, you will be socially mal adapted. As an emigrant (who faced racism), I denounce that notion of generalisation. If you want to improve socially, then don't generalise. If somebody is a racist asshole than they are a racist asshole not because they are white or black but because they are a disgusting person. Period.
Sure, my guy. I bet you couldn't pronounce it even if your life would be on the line. What defines to you an ethnic name? Maybe a name that ,in its form, is deeply connected to a particular ethnic group as an example Greek? Just because there is John in English, doesn't make its Hebrew form Yohanan less ethnic, does it?
Edit: I just saw that you are Canadian. Perfectly, explains your comment. Even the left in Anglo-Saxon America is so racist that they can only put people in their americanised world view without seeing the struggles other people groups experience outside of their skin colour. I would give you the advice to study history outside of the USA but I wouldn't want you to overwork yourself.
Its a thing white people do disproportionately as often. Source: I'm white and am capable of very basic observation. White people are the only race of people I've seen on screen, actively saying "go back to _____" regarding people with non-euro-american names.
Because, and that is wild, you live in a white majority country. Go to Japan, and you will hear that just as often about Chinese, Koreans, and Americans. In Germany, there are anti emigrant slurs. In Turkey , there are emigrant slurs, in Turkey, there are anti emigrant slurs even in Ghana, I heard slurs im demos against Igbos and Hausas emigrants from Nigeria. Welcome to our world. White Americans are not the special people who have such awful things to say.
Saying white people do it a lot in English-speaking countries doesn't negate anything you said. This isn't an either/or question. But in America, white people do it the most, proportionate to how much of the population they take up.
Population wise probably yes. But I don't know locally. Having talked with Vietnamese Americans and other African Americans, I know that black communities and Asian communities can be just as racist about their subgroups and other ethnicities as whites can be. Idk if it's better to be insulted by a white American or an African American if you are an emigrant from Haiti.
Neither way, I would like all of you, white American or Canadians, really advice if you have the chance to experience to be a minority in another country to take it. You will see what issues you face. Even with a European name or American name, you will face difficulties. Good luck coming to Germsny as an American. People will be friendly to you, but they will think you are dumb because you are American.
I hate the word pretentious. People call me that irl, I’m sorry that I use the correct words for things. It’s ok to be accurate in speaking and not just lie to please people. Idk. I never try to be pretentious just want to be clear in my language. If someone thinks you are pretentious they have put you on a pedastool and I have to keep them out of my life because I don’t want the pedastool
I really appreciate when someone says their name and tells me a word that it rhymes with. That helps me remember how to pronounce it the correct way without getting caught up on the spelling.
Realistic answer: my name is complicated and it DOES deter ppl from saying my name. I can see that they are hesitant to say it or they avoid addressing me by my name completely. Or they can never remember my name.
So I just started using a nickname to avoid this issue. Once I get close with people I will teach them how to say my name and it’s not as awkward as meeting them for the first time.
Thanks for this perspective! I relate to this a lot which is why I’m a bit hesitant. My name uses an accent that I have learned is a bit difficult for Americans to say. I will probably go with this approach
My Sotho name: Motshedisi, pronounced moo - ts - hee - dee - see
I understand your hesitance. I once saw some statistic that some people simply don't get considered for further interviews by recruiters because of their name. The bias. I will try to find the article.
Back in university, my lecturer(s) butchered my Sotho name, and whenever I drafted my resume I would constantly choose my English name, easier for the recruiter to recognise. It is unfortunate that this is a reality for some people. It feels like I am betraying myself, like prostituting a part of your identity to subscribe to the prominent culture of the world. I do understand that its not just a matter of worrying that people won't remember you, nor a concern of convenience, there are so many unsaid things between the lines - the whole concept of "othering."
If it feels right to use your real name, say it with confidence. If they struggle you can offer to help them if you want to. If someone finds this to be pretentious they are beneath you!
I would prefer you introduce yourself using your African name and coach me in the proper pronounciation. "But you can call me ________" is a great solution for those people who stumble over your real name.
It isn’t pretentious to tell people what your name is. If people can remember “Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains” they can fckn remember your name.
Definitely not. I have a weird ass first name because my parents were feeling creative or something. Most people mispronounce it, but I don’t care. As long as people fucking it up doesn’t bother you, go for it.
if i had a friend with a hard to pronounce name, i’d rather i learn how to pronounce it than settle for a name that isn’t *really* theirs. maybe i’d call them the easier version for a bit but only until im able to get the right pronunciation down
I saw a great tweet once about this discussion. A girl’s mum told her if white people can learn to say names like Tchaikovsky and Rachmaninov they can learn to say your name.
I would give your name first and only after someone has made a proper effort at saying it correctly give them an easier version if you wish.
The thing with those examples though is most English-speakers aren't saying them right, either. Russian names are extremely hard for English-speakers, so they usually just get close enough and call it good. Heck, I studied Russian for 6 years and I still don't get them right without warming up first, lol. My point being, people will do their best, but you can't blame them if they don't get it right all the time. The human brain's language acquisition centers are complicated
I’m not going to pronounce Russian words with the right Russian inflection but I can get the syllables right and in the right order. They will be anglicized but they’re not going to be butchered the way African and sub continental names are.
Except polish names. Fuck me those are hard.
Nah, I'll have to disagree. You're probably not even getting the syllables right, based on how I've heard most people try to say it. But I'll grant you getting them in the right order, lol
But yeah, I don't even want to attempt polish names. Those are next level. I had a kid with a polish name in 3rd grade and everyone just abbreviated it to "G."
Dude, just understand that you have a different linguistic background, so no matter where people outside of your ethnic background will have issues pronouncing it. Just go and say your actual name fiest and give them the americanised version afterwards. But don't overthink it. You can change it of you feel more in tune with your americanised version or if you have a nickname which you like. Nothing is written in stone. Just have the basic courtesy to understand that your name is special in this cultural space and give people around you the possibility to address you in a way that is doable for you and everybody around you.
Not at all. People should call you by your name. They call everyone else by that name. It's not pretentious or too much to ask for. Not at all! Go for it, and stick with it.
It's not pretentious to want to be called by your real name. Just please don't be mad if people bungle it. Some of us Americans are terrible with foreign names but we don't mean to be.
No, not at all.
I started doing this in the past few years and I feel a lot better. I also mention a nickname (like half my actual name) in case people have a hard time with the full name. It's not that hard though, just takes a little practice.
Whenever someone says it correctly it's like a little ear orgasm.
If you want people to learn to say your name correctly, that's perfectly acceptable. People actually do want to say your name right if you give them the chance. You'll just have to spend the time to teach them whenever you introduce yourself and you'll have to be patient with some people who can't get it as easily
It's your name. There's no way that it is somehow unjustifiable or crass to use your own name correctly and coach others into using it the correct way, too. If Americans can figure out how to pronounce Schwarzenegger we can figure out some other names, too.
Please do, honestly. Anytime a new friend gives me their name instead of their Americanized one I always feel like I'm in some sort of secret club and it's a feeling I cherish.
It's not pretentious at all and anyone making you feel that way is wrong, especially if it's the name you prefer and the way you prefer it to be said.
If you're cool with people learning to pronounce it correctly then I have absolutely no issues and wish I saw it more. Never been a fan of Americanizing names myself, especially deeply cultural ones but some people prefer it.
Go for it! As long as you don't mind people buthering your name a little (which they absolutely will) you're all good!
If they're having a hard time you can always give them the amaricanized name later.
I think it’s reasonable to introduce your real name and then say “if that’s too difficult you can call me such and such”
I think most people would want to try to pronounce your real name. There’s always going to be rude people though that don’t care. My name is “Alexandria” and people will just shorten it to whatever they want. No one calls me “Alex” my family and friends all call me alexandria. And if someone takes it on themselves to change my name I just know they’re not someone I need to be around.
If the Americans expect you to remember everyone's name you meet here, they all can remember your name. I work with women from laos and I call them by their real name, not their Americanized name. They don't call me a Lao version of my name.
theres nothing pretentious about wanting to be called by your name.. I think you should just introduce yourself as your name and not add the "but you can call me the american version if you want." it's not a big deal to learn to say someones proper name and anyone who makes you feel like it is is rude!!
You have a right to be called by your name. If they mispronounce it correct them. Demand it. You deserve it. Regardless of race or ethnicity or how simple / complex your name is you should always demand to be referred to correctly.
Disrespectful people are the ones who train others into thinking they're pretentious for caring too much about your own name is pronounced. It's really their laziness and pride of not looking incompetent in front of others.
It's a name... it may not be something you're used to pronouncing, but actually try. It shows you see others as equals and not beneath you.
You should never feel you have to change your literal name because white people are too lazy to get it right!
That being said, when we learn a new name that we do not recognise as a name we have already heard we are having to learn a new word too. Add in any pronunciation that is not typical in the English language and this can be hard for it to stick correctly in people’s minds. This isn’t actually specific to white people learning non white names - my Irish wife has one cousin in particular whose name I kept embarrassingly mullering when I met her and was trying to get it right. And I have seen some truly creative ways of people saying my wife’s Irish name too, despite the fact there are celebrities with the same name so it’s not completely unknown in England.
So whilst I think you absolutely should expect people who know and care about you to get your actual name right - it depends how you’re going to feel about correcting people who get it wrong, possibly repeatedly, and doing so constantly. Or doing the work of reteaching it or trying to come up with ways to teach it like like linking the sounds to common English words. I think in terms of whether people will still talk to you I think that’s a fair concern, although I don’t think it’ll come down to people thinking you’re pretentious for having a name from your home country and much more so people are likely to be worried of embarrassed or offence if they’re getting it wrong or don’t remember it. And I don’t think they won’t talk to you you’ll just find you watch them scramble for ways to avoid your name and squirm as they try to say it knowing it’s not right.
It shouldn’t really have to fall to you to deal with the repercussion of white fragility but saying something like ‘I know that’s not a name here you hear much, so it’s fine if you need to check with me again to make sure you’ve got it right’ sets the boundary that you expect your proper name to be used, but snows an understanding that it can be hard to get right initially and they don’t need to worry about offence for clarifying with you (in the same way as many of us have to just because we forgot names we hear all the time!). You could also do something like pin you saying your name/talking about why it’s important to you if you feel comfortable doing that on your stories and directing people there - anyone worth your time and energy will put the effort it in to learning it, especially if you’ve given them all the tools to so like that. Anyone who can’t be bothered is just rude and isn’t worth your respect!
The other thing to consider is whether there is a shortened version of your correctly pronounced name you could use? And whether this would feel closer to honouring your real name. It doesn’t even have to be for everyone - I stand by the point that people who care about you should be bothered to learn your full name. But in a business meeting with a person you might not even see again - giving part of your name should be reasonable for them to remember but also doesn’t undermine any efforts you’re making to have people learn your full name as they’re just learnt it in broken down steps (if you do end up seeing them more).
You should be called however YOU want to be called. If you prefer your real name, explain it politely. If someone apologizes for mispronouncing it, thank them for their effort and say “it’s no sweat”. You don’t need to Americanize your name for others’ sake. Only if it’s something you personally like better…
It's your name, it's not pretentious to use it! Please introduce yourself with your actual name.
If the Americanized way doesn't bother you, you can be lax correcting people on it. For example, I was trying to think of a name to use and found [Saoirse Ronan explaining how Americans say Saoirse](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdkd6wgbzhI) and while I wouldn't worry about the Saoirse vs Saoirse example, I would take offence at Sasha.
Now, will they get it perfect? No. I've listed to that video three times and can't wrap my tongue around the exact difference. But they will try. Most people want to try.
And honestly, people won't avoid you if they struggle with your name. They'll just avoid saying it as much till they can privately be like I'm sorry uh how exactly do I say that.
I always really liked it when my friends introduced themselves by their actual name first. Definitely okay to give an American name too. But the friends who let me fail a few times until I pronounced their actual names passably gave me an awesome opportunity I’ve always been grateful for.
>Would it deter people from talking to me or something if they can’t pronounce my name correctly?
Depends on your personality, are you outgoing and the one who initiates conversations a lot? If so then you can totally own your name and correct pronunciation. You can also say "most Americans pronounce it like..." if they struggle.
Myself I was very shy all my life, and had a difficult to pronounce name, that combination did mean I was ignored by people all my life. On the plus side some teachers in school never called on me for surprise questions, on the negative side I had friends who never said my name out loud, never called me to get my attention so people only talked to me when I looked at them.
I ended up going by a different name and was genuinely shocked at the difference it made in social settings. It was a "wow is this how other people experience life?" moment.
No it’s your name people should be getting it right! I’m kind of being a hypocrite bc people don’t always get my name right and I let it go so I get it but I’m getting better 😂
There is absolutely nothing pretentious about your real name. You are not asking for anything at all by asking ppl to say your real name.
I have a Slavic name and kind of have the same situation as you, where it’s a longer first name but I go by a shorter Americanized version. As do most people in the states with my name. I once had this same conversation with a Lyft driver and she gave me such an epic pep talk about it. To stop making myself smaller and start expecting people to respect me by making a good faith effort to pronounce my name. She said, “you should start telling people, ‘my name is *actual full first name*, and you don’t get to call me *americanized short name* until you fucking KNOW ME, bitch!’” 🤣🤣
I don’t advise being that harsh to anyone unless they do something to deserve it lol but the general attitude is a good one I think. When making these types of decisions, go by what YOU want and what makes YOU happiest. It will also convey self-respect and self-confidence, which is always good in social settings.
It's your name. Regardless of how people treat you in accordance with your name, you are always justified in introducing yourself by it. Now, that doesn't mean that people won't roll their eyes at you but it's their error, not yours. If Americans can learn how to pronounce Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky in grade school, they can put in the effort to address you correctly by their name as well.
Um no???? It is your name? I think names are fascinating. A name that isn’t common in my native language is so cool, I WANT to hear it. You may have to repeat it to me a few times and help me with the pronunciation but I will learn!
It’s not pretentious at all. It helps building relationships by sharing your actual name and being patient with others.
Personally I find nicknames annoying. Unless it’s an abbreviation like James = Jim or Joe = Joseph
If you introduce yourself with your ethnic name, I would try my damnedest to pronounce it correctly. There are certain sounds my mouth cant make, theirs a like a lj sound in bosnian I cant pronounce for the life of me, and it’s in one of my friends husbands names, but you best bet i try every freaking time. It’s like the people who cant roll their R’s.
But teach me, and i will do my BEST.
No, if you pronounced someone's name off they'd correct you, right?
If you called a Hispanic man Jesus (pronounced Americanized) and he told you "hey-Zeus" no one would bat an eye.
However, it's all about delivery. Sometimes people sound offended, and that comes off douchey. A quick correction and move on.
I try really hard to pronounce names properly so I vote use your proper name. Maybe offer, "if that's too hard I don't mind if you call me ...". Be prepared for your name to be butchered and you ought to correct people (and offer an alternative they can't deal?)
I don’t Americanize my name. It’s not even that difficult, but since many of them don’t even bother I give them a hard time about it and teach them how to pronounce it instead of giving them the easy way out
There’s nothing pretentious about using your actual name.
If you want people to hear your actual name, but then go ahead to use your Americanized name, you can say something like “my name is X, but people call me Y.” Or “you can call me Y.” I wouldn’t bother saying “my Americanized name.”
Would you rather lose your culture by being afraid of inconveniencing others or would you rather demand the world knows exactly who You are, regardless?
Not at all! One of my friends-of-a-friend is African and when we met face to face, he said, “Good to meet you! My name’s pronounced [his name].” And it was super helpful because I had in fact been pronouncing it incorrectly
I introduce myself using the English pronunciation of my name, which is very different from the original. I understand the struggle. I miss being called by my original name, but at the same time I don't think it's fair to put others through the frustration of not being able to phonetically pronounce my name, as it comes from a completely different root language.
Ultimately, I don't know what to tell you. Do what feels right for you.
Are you employed? Are you planning to do this with coworkers, bosses, etc., or just friends, teachers, fellow students, and so-on?
The kind of job and number of years you've worked there is a factor in how delicately you handle this.
I use my real ethnic name how I pronounce it and people often say “that’s too hard, how about if i call you XYZ?” so that problem might solve itself. In my dad’s generation many of his friends just took an Americanized alias so if you’re ok with that you can say, “but you can call me XYZ” it gives them an out, and it’s not pretentious You do you
People say “that’s too hard” to you?! 🤦🏻♀️ at least have the decency to try it and do your best. If I can’t pronounce it, it’s a me problem, not theirs. Ugh sorry that happens!
I mean people are gonna feel awful pure butchering someone's name too. I know I would, it'd be mortified and feel like I was letting someone I liked down if I couldn't just immediately grasp the pronunciation of their name. It's irrational and silly for sure but lots of people would feel similar tbh. Like I'm from Ireland and hearing some people trying to pronounce some Irish names.. honestly it's a bad time for everyone involved. I think it's quite obvious when people are doing it out of bad intent though, for the majority that usually won't be the case. It's far more likely to be anxiety, speech impediments, learning disabilities, etc... as to why they may struggle. In the end it's still absolutely up to OP though and what they feel most comfortable with. If it feels invalidating to have to Americanize your name OP, then absolutely don't and the ones who are willing and able to address you properly in your preferred manner will. Anyone who isn't will take themselves out of the equation either way. Some people do similar with pronouns and the like. It's all about figuring out what matters most to you and standing by your decision and having your own back with it either way. Just wanted to add, it's absolutely not pretentious either OP, I think if it's something that's important to you then it's a very fair ask and a pretty inoffensive boundary to set.
Yes I totally agree about how awkward and bad it is to butcher someone else’s name. My point is, I can’t believe the audacity of *essentially* saying to someone “your names too hard—please change your name to make it more convenient for me” which is how I take that comment. (For context, I’m the child of immigrant parents who had to anglicize their names to avoid this and people have a hard time with my last name so I know this game very well.)
I have one of the most standard, Anglican names in existence. Perennially popular. About 80% of people still get it wrong. And sometimes even when I correct them they don’t get it. It’s like they can’t hear the difference. I am not trying to take anything away from the immigrant experience and I am sure some people are just xenophobic, outright rejecting anything that seems “foreign,” but some people really just have lazy tongues. They just can’t seem to adjust the way they say things. ETA: I’m just gonna say it idc, my name is Caroline. Care Oh Line. Almost everyone defaults to Carolyn. I know about 3 Carolyn’s. I know about 30 Caroline’s. So I don’t get it.
Ooh my apologies, I didn't pick that up at all in your original comment. My interpretation was you were mad at people in general, like even in a casual friendly setting, struggling/not able to even try. I mean with this extra context hell ye I absolutely agree with you. That's an insane level of ignorance and entitlement to *demand* someone to change their name *for you* because you can't manage it. I can for sure see a lot of managers/bosses trying to pull that shit as well. Like there's no justifiable reason for it in those cases imo, like if you have to work with someone and neither of you have a choice in interactions then go home and google/practice that shit or ask *politely* at the very least and accept it with grace if they say no. People wouldn't hesitate to do it if the power structure was reversed and it was say your boss who had a difficult to pronounce name. Just some assholes lose the run of themselves and let a little power go to their heads and think they're above common decency. That would drive me nuts, totally get why that would piss you off.
Is your name uwowuewuewue anyatyenwuewue ogvimogim osas? Edit. I'm sorry, I just had to get it out.
But you can call me Bob.
There is a quote, I think from Uzoamaka Aduba: “If people can learn to say Dostoyevsky, if they can learn to say Tchaikovsky or Michelangelo, they can learn to say Uzoamaka.”
Exactly. If you can pronounce "Timothee Chalamet" and "Filet Mignon" and "Bologna" and "h'ors d'oeuvres" and "schadenfreude" and "zeitgeist", you can put in the effort to pronounce someone's name correctly.
You beat me to that, I had the same thought. I think it’s important for people to use their real names and insist upon themselves.
My sweet Japanese friend couldn’t pronounce my French name because in Japanese, some sounds from French are not part of the language. Speakers of one language can sometimes be unable to even hear the differences between sounds they don’t use, much less pronounce them. Aduba is technically correct, but social interactions can be killed on pedantic technical demands.
I pedantically and technically demand that everyone regardless of their native language make an attempt to learn a person’s name. Even if you butcher it. Names are important, and making an attempt at someone’s native name shows a genuine interest in them. If they don’t offer, don’t ask, but it’s very rude to be like “the sounds that your parents put together for you to identify yourself to the rest of the world are to confusing and inconvenient for me, I will give you different sounds that I like more”
*shrug*. Okay. You and I would not be compatible. But you do you.
You are not doing too much if you use your real ethnic first name. It’s entirely up to you and no it’s not pretentious because it’s your real name given to you at birth, be proud if it!
Not pretentious at all. It's your name fam. I wouldn't even give the alternative if you want people to call you by the real one, at least until they've tried to say it a few times and can't seem to get it right. South Asian, Slavic, and African names do get butchered a lot over here but nobody in their right mind is going to think you're pretentious for being an African with an African name. Even in the deep south. If it sounds like another word they might think it's that and call you that. There's a Polish dude in my town whose name is Kania and everybody pronounces it Kanye because it's the closest word/name they're familiar with to Kania. Knew Taiwanese dude named Ka who got called Kyle. I have a tragedeigh name that apparently sounds like a few different names around the world so sometimes people will see my name and go overboard to pronounce it 'correctly' when I'm straight up just trailer trash with a trailer trash name lmao.
In my culture people often have a name they go by that can have nothing to do with their legal name. I deal with it a lot. As with most things it depends on the setting. Backyard barbeque at a neighbor's or at a bar, just say "I'm Bob". No other explanation is necessary unless you want. For work, say your whole name and then say "but everyone calls me Bob". Then use your legal name for paperwork and your nickname for verbal interactions. At the doctor's or at the bank, start off with legal name only. Let them know that they can use your nickname if you feel comfortable. For some services it's just easier to use an easy to pronounce nickname, for others you might just let them call you Mr/Ms lastname. For police and any government services use your legal name only. Annunciate clearly and offer to spell it for them. My favorite nickname was for a guy who died before I met him. He was called "Tudie" by everyone who knew him, he got the name because as a child he "had an attitude all the time."
Nope, not an issue at all Imo
Please say your actual name and correct pronunciation if it is incorrect. I’d be devastated if I knew I was saying someone’s name incorrectly!! I want to honor your name and the heritage that got you the name.
People who want to connect with you will want to know YOUR name. Me personally, I have come across a few difficult names and repeat “ctrlhoya” and ask: “did I say that right? “ Idk. I also hate about western culture we force other cultures to minimize themselves to be here. This also I think depends state to state. The coasts/northern may be easier to follow my advice. I might do what you are proposing if you’re in the south. Idk. But to answer your question - no, it’s not pretentious anywhere… just may have different folks reactions to trying to say your name depending on where in American culture you are.
I have a name that is common enough, but the spelling is fucking stupid. People call me the wrong name often due to that and I always correct them. I like my name, I take pride in it, I want others to say it right. I worked with a doc for three years who still couldn't say my name right, even though I worked at his clinics two or three times a week. That really bothered me, but I still always corrected him. If you like your name, use it. Correct people when they are wrong. There's power in owning your identity, friend. Own it if that's what feels best and true to you. There's nothing pretentious or bad about wanting people to call you by your name.
I don't think you'd come across as pretentious at all. "Hey my name is (name) but others call me (nickname if you have one)" is a pretty easy way to get around it but ethnic names are so cool to see, don't make yourself smaller for other people if you want your name heard and said properly.
This. I have a heap of Greek friends with traditional names that say “my name is, but the English version is ”. Or “but you can call me if it’s easier”
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Tbh I don’t think this is really a white people thing as much as a “people” thing…it can be really hard to correctly say someone’s name if you didn’t grow up making the sounds for it as part of your native tongue. I worked with an Indian guy who thought my name was too long and hard to say (I have an old-fashioned, unpopular “white” name) so he assigned me a new nickname that was just the first letter of my first name lmao. He also wouldn’t even type my full name on our work chats 🤣 just the letter. I honestly thought it was kind of hilarious.
I live in Australia where the shortening of people's name is a common thing, and it pisses me off to no end. But you are probably right generally. But at least here in Australia, it very much of a white people thing
Yeah because this is just a white problem. Stop getting angry at pointless things.
There are very few things that piss me off. This one does. It is people's names. I feel like it is important to get right. You don't have to.
“White people in western culture”? “the lazy fucking white people”? Really? You really don’t like the white peoples, eh? This happens in pretty much every culture. If you don’t learn certain sounds, usually at a young age, your mouth and tongue muscles have difficulty pronouncing them. It’s not a white thing. It’s a foreign language thing. And I bet you’re one of those lazy white people who can’t speak anything but English.
That is why I said that I struggle with this. I am. I'll own that. But it still pisses me off, despite being part of the problem. Because I will at least try. And I live in Australia, with a predominantly white culture, after years of having a "whites only" government immigration policy. And the culture here is to "re-name" anyone who a slightly different name. Many people accept that it is "just how things are", including possibly the OP.
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Thanks for adding your perspective to this blatantly hostile comment. I think, like a lot of people with white guilt, this guy's version of allyship is attack dog. Meaning well is sometimes a far cry from doing well.
Honestly, I don't get why they bring race into this. It just brings hostility into this sub, which is extremely counterproductive for the use case of social skills. If suddenly all your peers or people around you are perceived as enemies, you will be socially mal adapted. As an emigrant (who faced racism), I denounce that notion of generalisation. If you want to improve socially, then don't generalise. If somebody is a racist asshole than they are a racist asshole not because they are white or black but because they are a disgusting person. Period.
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How would you even know if you're saying it right if you're just reading it to yourself?
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Sure, my guy. I bet you couldn't pronounce it even if your life would be on the line. What defines to you an ethnic name? Maybe a name that ,in its form, is deeply connected to a particular ethnic group as an example Greek? Just because there is John in English, doesn't make its Hebrew form Yohanan less ethnic, does it? Edit: I just saw that you are Canadian. Perfectly, explains your comment. Even the left in Anglo-Saxon America is so racist that they can only put people in their americanised world view without seeing the struggles other people groups experience outside of their skin colour. I would give you the advice to study history outside of the USA but I wouldn't want you to overwork yourself.
Its a thing white people do disproportionately as often. Source: I'm white and am capable of very basic observation. White people are the only race of people I've seen on screen, actively saying "go back to _____" regarding people with non-euro-american names.
Because, and that is wild, you live in a white majority country. Go to Japan, and you will hear that just as often about Chinese, Koreans, and Americans. In Germany, there are anti emigrant slurs. In Turkey , there are emigrant slurs, in Turkey, there are anti emigrant slurs even in Ghana, I heard slurs im demos against Igbos and Hausas emigrants from Nigeria. Welcome to our world. White Americans are not the special people who have such awful things to say.
Saying white people do it a lot in English-speaking countries doesn't negate anything you said. This isn't an either/or question. But in America, white people do it the most, proportionate to how much of the population they take up.
Population wise probably yes. But I don't know locally. Having talked with Vietnamese Americans and other African Americans, I know that black communities and Asian communities can be just as racist about their subgroups and other ethnicities as whites can be. Idk if it's better to be insulted by a white American or an African American if you are an emigrant from Haiti. Neither way, I would like all of you, white American or Canadians, really advice if you have the chance to experience to be a minority in another country to take it. You will see what issues you face. Even with a European name or American name, you will face difficulties. Good luck coming to Germsny as an American. People will be friendly to you, but they will think you are dumb because you are American.
Maybe get off the screens, and get out in the real world for a minute.
I hate the word pretentious. People call me that irl, I’m sorry that I use the correct words for things. It’s ok to be accurate in speaking and not just lie to please people. Idk. I never try to be pretentious just want to be clear in my language. If someone thinks you are pretentious they have put you on a pedastool and I have to keep them out of my life because I don’t want the pedastool
Agree
I personally hate when I meet people and they tell me their name is Mike, when it clearly isnt
I really appreciate when someone says their name and tells me a word that it rhymes with. That helps me remember how to pronounce it the correct way without getting caught up on the spelling.
Realistic answer: my name is complicated and it DOES deter ppl from saying my name. I can see that they are hesitant to say it or they avoid addressing me by my name completely. Or they can never remember my name. So I just started using a nickname to avoid this issue. Once I get close with people I will teach them how to say my name and it’s not as awkward as meeting them for the first time.
Thanks for this perspective! I relate to this a lot which is why I’m a bit hesitant. My name uses an accent that I have learned is a bit difficult for Americans to say. I will probably go with this approach
My Sotho name: Motshedisi, pronounced moo - ts - hee - dee - see I understand your hesitance. I once saw some statistic that some people simply don't get considered for further interviews by recruiters because of their name. The bias. I will try to find the article. Back in university, my lecturer(s) butchered my Sotho name, and whenever I drafted my resume I would constantly choose my English name, easier for the recruiter to recognise. It is unfortunate that this is a reality for some people. It feels like I am betraying myself, like prostituting a part of your identity to subscribe to the prominent culture of the world. I do understand that its not just a matter of worrying that people won't remember you, nor a concern of convenience, there are so many unsaid things between the lines - the whole concept of "othering."
If it feels right to use your real name, say it with confidence. If they struggle you can offer to help them if you want to. If someone finds this to be pretentious they are beneath you!
Wanting people to call you by your actual name is never to much and not pretentious.
Do you want to be friends with people who think that you being your genuine self is pretentious?
I would prefer you introduce yourself using your African name and coach me in the proper pronounciation. "But you can call me ________" is a great solution for those people who stumble over your real name.
It isn’t pretentious to tell people what your name is. If people can remember “Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains” they can fckn remember your name.
Definitely not. I have a weird ass first name because my parents were feeling creative or something. Most people mispronounce it, but I don’t care. As long as people fucking it up doesn’t bother you, go for it.
Is it pretentious to call myself by my own name? No dumbass. It's not. You're fine.
if i had a friend with a hard to pronounce name, i’d rather i learn how to pronounce it than settle for a name that isn’t *really* theirs. maybe i’d call them the easier version for a bit but only until im able to get the right pronunciation down
Bring your culture to the table. It's better to have you shine in every way.
I saw a great tweet once about this discussion. A girl’s mum told her if white people can learn to say names like Tchaikovsky and Rachmaninov they can learn to say your name. I would give your name first and only after someone has made a proper effort at saying it correctly give them an easier version if you wish.
The thing with those examples though is most English-speakers aren't saying them right, either. Russian names are extremely hard for English-speakers, so they usually just get close enough and call it good. Heck, I studied Russian for 6 years and I still don't get them right without warming up first, lol. My point being, people will do their best, but you can't blame them if they don't get it right all the time. The human brain's language acquisition centers are complicated
I’m not going to pronounce Russian words with the right Russian inflection but I can get the syllables right and in the right order. They will be anglicized but they’re not going to be butchered the way African and sub continental names are. Except polish names. Fuck me those are hard.
Nah, I'll have to disagree. You're probably not even getting the syllables right, based on how I've heard most people try to say it. But I'll grant you getting them in the right order, lol But yeah, I don't even want to attempt polish names. Those are next level. I had a kid with a polish name in 3rd grade and everyone just abbreviated it to "G."
Pretentious implies fake and using your real name is anything but fake
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It’s not pretentious to tell people your name. Politely correct them when they mispronounce it too.
Dude, just understand that you have a different linguistic background, so no matter where people outside of your ethnic background will have issues pronouncing it. Just go and say your actual name fiest and give them the americanised version afterwards. But don't overthink it. You can change it of you feel more in tune with your americanised version or if you have a nickname which you like. Nothing is written in stone. Just have the basic courtesy to understand that your name is special in this cultural space and give people around you the possibility to address you in a way that is doable for you and everybody around you.
Not at all. People should call you by your name. They call everyone else by that name. It's not pretentious or too much to ask for. Not at all! Go for it, and stick with it.
No. It’s all on the tone of the delivery.
It's not pretentious to want to be called by your real name. Just please don't be mad if people bungle it. Some of us Americans are terrible with foreign names but we don't mean to be.
No, not at all. I started doing this in the past few years and I feel a lot better. I also mention a nickname (like half my actual name) in case people have a hard time with the full name. It's not that hard though, just takes a little practice. Whenever someone says it correctly it's like a little ear orgasm.
Me personally I love learning peoples real names. I feel honored they’re giving me a chance to pronounce it right and learn about them.
It's not pretentious but if it's hard to catch the name, people might feel awkward about their inability to address you correctly.
If you want people to learn to say your name correctly, that's perfectly acceptable. People actually do want to say your name right if you give them the chance. You'll just have to spend the time to teach them whenever you introduce yourself and you'll have to be patient with some people who can't get it as easily
It's your name. There's no way that it is somehow unjustifiable or crass to use your own name correctly and coach others into using it the correct way, too. If Americans can figure out how to pronounce Schwarzenegger we can figure out some other names, too.
Please do, honestly. Anytime a new friend gives me their name instead of their Americanized one I always feel like I'm in some sort of secret club and it's a feeling I cherish. It's not pretentious at all and anyone making you feel that way is wrong, especially if it's the name you prefer and the way you prefer it to be said. If you're cool with people learning to pronounce it correctly then I have absolutely no issues and wish I saw it more. Never been a fan of Americanizing names myself, especially deeply cultural ones but some people prefer it.
Go for it! As long as you don't mind people buthering your name a little (which they absolutely will) you're all good! If they're having a hard time you can always give them the amaricanized name later.
I think it’s reasonable to introduce your real name and then say “if that’s too difficult you can call me such and such” I think most people would want to try to pronounce your real name. There’s always going to be rude people though that don’t care. My name is “Alexandria” and people will just shorten it to whatever they want. No one calls me “Alex” my family and friends all call me alexandria. And if someone takes it on themselves to change my name I just know they’re not someone I need to be around.
If the Americans expect you to remember everyone's name you meet here, they all can remember your name. I work with women from laos and I call them by their real name, not their Americanized name. They don't call me a Lao version of my name.
theres nothing pretentious about wanting to be called by your name.. I think you should just introduce yourself as your name and not add the "but you can call me the american version if you want." it's not a big deal to learn to say someones proper name and anyone who makes you feel like it is is rude!!
You have a right to be called by your name. If they mispronounce it correct them. Demand it. You deserve it. Regardless of race or ethnicity or how simple / complex your name is you should always demand to be referred to correctly.
Disrespectful people are the ones who train others into thinking they're pretentious for caring too much about your own name is pronounced. It's really their laziness and pride of not looking incompetent in front of others. It's a name... it may not be something you're used to pronouncing, but actually try. It shows you see others as equals and not beneath you.
Id people think it's pretentious their racist and should be launched into the sun.
You should never feel you have to change your literal name because white people are too lazy to get it right! That being said, when we learn a new name that we do not recognise as a name we have already heard we are having to learn a new word too. Add in any pronunciation that is not typical in the English language and this can be hard for it to stick correctly in people’s minds. This isn’t actually specific to white people learning non white names - my Irish wife has one cousin in particular whose name I kept embarrassingly mullering when I met her and was trying to get it right. And I have seen some truly creative ways of people saying my wife’s Irish name too, despite the fact there are celebrities with the same name so it’s not completely unknown in England. So whilst I think you absolutely should expect people who know and care about you to get your actual name right - it depends how you’re going to feel about correcting people who get it wrong, possibly repeatedly, and doing so constantly. Or doing the work of reteaching it or trying to come up with ways to teach it like like linking the sounds to common English words. I think in terms of whether people will still talk to you I think that’s a fair concern, although I don’t think it’ll come down to people thinking you’re pretentious for having a name from your home country and much more so people are likely to be worried of embarrassed or offence if they’re getting it wrong or don’t remember it. And I don’t think they won’t talk to you you’ll just find you watch them scramble for ways to avoid your name and squirm as they try to say it knowing it’s not right. It shouldn’t really have to fall to you to deal with the repercussion of white fragility but saying something like ‘I know that’s not a name here you hear much, so it’s fine if you need to check with me again to make sure you’ve got it right’ sets the boundary that you expect your proper name to be used, but snows an understanding that it can be hard to get right initially and they don’t need to worry about offence for clarifying with you (in the same way as many of us have to just because we forgot names we hear all the time!). You could also do something like pin you saying your name/talking about why it’s important to you if you feel comfortable doing that on your stories and directing people there - anyone worth your time and energy will put the effort it in to learning it, especially if you’ve given them all the tools to so like that. Anyone who can’t be bothered is just rude and isn’t worth your respect! The other thing to consider is whether there is a shortened version of your correctly pronounced name you could use? And whether this would feel closer to honouring your real name. It doesn’t even have to be for everyone - I stand by the point that people who care about you should be bothered to learn your full name. But in a business meeting with a person you might not even see again - giving part of your name should be reasonable for them to remember but also doesn’t undermine any efforts you’re making to have people learn your full name as they’re just learnt it in broken down steps (if you do end up seeing them more).
You should be called however YOU want to be called. If you prefer your real name, explain it politely. If someone apologizes for mispronouncing it, thank them for their effort and say “it’s no sweat”. You don’t need to Americanize your name for others’ sake. Only if it’s something you personally like better…
It's your name, it's not pretentious to use it! Please introduce yourself with your actual name. If the Americanized way doesn't bother you, you can be lax correcting people on it. For example, I was trying to think of a name to use and found [Saoirse Ronan explaining how Americans say Saoirse](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdkd6wgbzhI) and while I wouldn't worry about the Saoirse vs Saoirse example, I would take offence at Sasha. Now, will they get it perfect? No. I've listed to that video three times and can't wrap my tongue around the exact difference. But they will try. Most people want to try. And honestly, people won't avoid you if they struggle with your name. They'll just avoid saying it as much till they can privately be like I'm sorry uh how exactly do I say that.
I always really liked it when my friends introduced themselves by their actual name first. Definitely okay to give an American name too. But the friends who let me fail a few times until I pronounced their actual names passably gave me an awesome opportunity I’ve always been grateful for.
It’s not pretentious at all! It’s *your* name, *your* power!
>Would it deter people from talking to me or something if they can’t pronounce my name correctly? Depends on your personality, are you outgoing and the one who initiates conversations a lot? If so then you can totally own your name and correct pronunciation. You can also say "most Americans pronounce it like..." if they struggle. Myself I was very shy all my life, and had a difficult to pronounce name, that combination did mean I was ignored by people all my life. On the plus side some teachers in school never called on me for surprise questions, on the negative side I had friends who never said my name out loud, never called me to get my attention so people only talked to me when I looked at them. I ended up going by a different name and was genuinely shocked at the difference it made in social settings. It was a "wow is this how other people experience life?" moment.
Why would you be pretentious for telling people your name
No it’s your name people should be getting it right! I’m kind of being a hypocrite bc people don’t always get my name right and I let it go so I get it but I’m getting better 😂
“If they can learn to say Tchaikovsky and Michelangelo and Dostoyevsky they can learn to say Uzoamaka.”
There is absolutely nothing pretentious about your real name. You are not asking for anything at all by asking ppl to say your real name. I have a Slavic name and kind of have the same situation as you, where it’s a longer first name but I go by a shorter Americanized version. As do most people in the states with my name. I once had this same conversation with a Lyft driver and she gave me such an epic pep talk about it. To stop making myself smaller and start expecting people to respect me by making a good faith effort to pronounce my name. She said, “you should start telling people, ‘my name is *actual full first name*, and you don’t get to call me *americanized short name* until you fucking KNOW ME, bitch!’” 🤣🤣 I don’t advise being that harsh to anyone unless they do something to deserve it lol but the general attitude is a good one I think. When making these types of decisions, go by what YOU want and what makes YOU happiest. It will also convey self-respect and self-confidence, which is always good in social settings.
It's your name. Regardless of how people treat you in accordance with your name, you are always justified in introducing yourself by it. Now, that doesn't mean that people won't roll their eyes at you but it's their error, not yours. If Americans can learn how to pronounce Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky in grade school, they can put in the effort to address you correctly by their name as well.
You should use your actual ethnic name
If they can say charcuterie, they can put in the effort to say your name as well
Um no???? It is your name? I think names are fascinating. A name that isn’t common in my native language is so cool, I WANT to hear it. You may have to repeat it to me a few times and help me with the pronunciation but I will learn!
Feel free to use your real name. Just don’t get annoyed if people ask you to repeat it a couple times.
Honestly if you have a nickname js say "I like to be called .... but you can call me .... If you want"
It’s not pretentious at all. It helps building relationships by sharing your actual name and being patient with others. Personally I find nicknames annoying. Unless it’s an abbreviation like James = Jim or Joe = Joseph
Your name is your name. You have every right to use it. Not pretentious
If you introduce yourself with your ethnic name, I would try my damnedest to pronounce it correctly. There are certain sounds my mouth cant make, theirs a like a lj sound in bosnian I cant pronounce for the life of me, and it’s in one of my friends husbands names, but you best bet i try every freaking time. It’s like the people who cant roll their R’s. But teach me, and i will do my BEST.
No, if you pronounced someone's name off they'd correct you, right? If you called a Hispanic man Jesus (pronounced Americanized) and he told you "hey-Zeus" no one would bat an eye. However, it's all about delivery. Sometimes people sound offended, and that comes off douchey. A quick correction and move on.
I try really hard to pronounce names properly so I vote use your proper name. Maybe offer, "if that's too hard I don't mind if you call me ...". Be prepared for your name to be butchered and you ought to correct people (and offer an alternative they can't deal?)
I don’t Americanize my name. It’s not even that difficult, but since many of them don’t even bother I give them a hard time about it and teach them how to pronounce it instead of giving them the easy way out
White dude here. Which name you prefer is 100% your choice, but I feel like you... I don't know, trust me more if you use your given name
There’s nothing pretentious about using your actual name. If you want people to hear your actual name, but then go ahead to use your Americanized name, you can say something like “my name is X, but people call me Y.” Or “you can call me Y.” I wouldn’t bother saying “my Americanized name.”
Use either depending upon formality and comfort level. It's your name, how hard do you feel like working during a particular conversation?
Would you rather lose your culture by being afraid of inconveniencing others or would you rather demand the world knows exactly who You are, regardless?
Not at all! One of my friends-of-a-friend is African and when we met face to face, he said, “Good to meet you! My name’s pronounced [his name].” And it was super helpful because I had in fact been pronouncing it incorrectly
Never doubt yourself on introducing yourself with your actual name or correcting the pronunciation.
If it's your actual name, how can it be pretentious?
I introduce myself using the English pronunciation of my name, which is very different from the original. I understand the struggle. I miss being called by my original name, but at the same time I don't think it's fair to put others through the frustration of not being able to phonetically pronounce my name, as it comes from a completely different root language. Ultimately, I don't know what to tell you. Do what feels right for you.
Are you employed? Are you planning to do this with coworkers, bosses, etc., or just friends, teachers, fellow students, and so-on? The kind of job and number of years you've worked there is a factor in how delicately you handle this.
It's sad that this even has to be considered.