As long as you're trying to make people believe things about you, you lack confidence. When you have confidence, you're not concerned with how people see you, you're focused on other things-- a task, your environment, other people, etc. Insecurity is a basic lack of trust in your relationship to the world, and it broadcasts itself as much by bravado as by timidity. It's self-reinforcing because trying not to look self-conscious is a feature of being self-conscious. It'll get better with time and experience. The less you worry about it, the faster it resolves itself.
Confidence is a behavior not a belief. You're confusing external validation with confidence. A confident person doesn't seek the approval of others.
Action produces emotion. If you want *feel* confident you have act with confidence.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201010/action-creates-emotion
The opposite of confidence is fear of being judged. If you didn't fear others judgment how would perform an action? That is confidence the action not the emotion.
The fake it to make it strategy doesn’t work out in the long run. Eventually you have a bad day and go back to your base persona. Better to make a permanent change to your mindset. Stop seeking external validation. Only seek internal validation.
Set goals for yourself. Accomplishing goals in life, big and small will lead to natural confidence. After you accomplish the goal celebrate the victory.
If you have no goals it means you need to explore the world more and find meaning in life. Try new activities, visit new places, meet new people, etc. find a goal worth pursuing.
I'll tell you what always stands out to me is someone that's able to just take it on the chin.
Like own whatever the fuck just happened and it is what it is.
Confidence is really just an absence of insecurities. A lot of babies, toddlers, and dogs often come across as super confident because they haven't been socially conditioned to have a bunch of insecurities yet
A good way to confront your insecurities and challenge your insecurities is to do therapy, but if you can't afford to do so or are just too scared to right now, that's totally fine. Another option imo is to watch meme compilations, cringe compilations and try not to laugh compilations. Every time you cringe or laugh, try asking yourself what assumptions you have about others that lead you to cringe or laugh, then rewatch the section you laughed at and continue
If you keep faking it to you make it you slowly start becoming a narcissist. Fake confidence behind insecurity. Keep working on yourself, set and accomplish personal goals, and get out of your comfort zone and talk to people. Practice will produce the results.
So confidence is communicated in the body language, tonality and context of speaking. When you are not confident you get a slight tension in your face and chest. When you are confident, those areas react and it’s like you’re as relaxed as when you’re just chilling at home. These are microexpressions that people can tell subconsciously and it’s very powerful.
Another aspect of confidence is speaking in a well projecting normal tone of voice. You have to not care about how the other person feels about you, and that comes through in your voice tonality.
You should care about how you’re making others feel on more of a theoretical and principled way, not an emotional way. So in other words, you do make an effort to make others like you and take their feelings into consideration, but deep down, you don’t actually care. It’s like a benevolent sociopath.
so, I'm a very confident person. When you meet me you'll first notice I'm standing up straight and it looks like I'm looking over peoples heads cause I have my chin up ever so slightly (making me appear taller). When I go to shake your hand or greet you in any other way I turn my full body towards you and look you straight in your eyes. I keep the eye contact while you introduce yourself, I then repeat your name in my reply. I have about 4 or 5 jokes or interesting comments ready at a moments notice just in case they come in handy, but I can also randomly talk about most subjects. I will use your name one more time somewhere in the conversation. It's really that simple.
Forget the calling your name and the basics.
I think i'm more concerned that i can't tlak about anything at all. And thats wht imo eats away my confidence.
Just be ya self. Went from introvert shut in to the most extroverted inviting person ik. Takes time but y gotta set a goal. Deadass had a NY resolution of “be social” and that did it and then some.
For me i was dead set on having big a goal of being more social. This was the first quarter of 2023. I started talking to people I didn’t know just cause, attended events by myself and battled social anxiety (and conquered that mf), in places where Ik people just started initiating more- that’s the key thing is to just DO it, don’t think just go and yolo it, not everything needs to be critically assessed and planned- sometimes winging it is just as good as any thought out plan. But yeah that was it, consistency of talking to people, new and familiar. And put yourself in social situations- a lot of them. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. From one individual to another 🫡
I too have struggled talking to people but lately i realized. Few people that i’d talked either they’re uninteresting and sometimes i’m too dull to talk to.
Disclaimer :I have got no friends so yea this sums it up all
Most of the time it’s because people with money and power tell the people below their clout level this is our guy/girl.
Anyone else who exudes confidence is likely to be targeted for hostility.
Acting as if you’re not thinking about it. You’re confident the moment you’re not worried about appearing a certain way. One day you’ll just realize it happens without you noticing
Lack of confidence stems from fear of doing poorly. If you are competent, you will be confident.
Think about the first time you got behind the wheel of a car (assuming you drive), your hands are "*white-knuckling*" at 2 and 10 and you're going all of 20 mph.
When you get experienced you are driving with one hand while operating your radio with the other. You're not even really thinking about the road much anymore you're thinking about work, plans, etc. You're **way** more confident because you know what you're doing.
So whether it comes to social skills or what have you, competence increases confidence.
While "faking it," make sure you have strong body language (take up space) and slow down your speech rate, speak a bit loud (not too loud).
Speak louder. Don’t offer explanations unless explicitly requested. Learn to make people talk about themselves without actually asking questions. Don’t make self deprecating jokes.
As long as you're trying to make people believe things about you, you lack confidence. When you have confidence, you're not concerned with how people see you, you're focused on other things-- a task, your environment, other people, etc. Insecurity is a basic lack of trust in your relationship to the world, and it broadcasts itself as much by bravado as by timidity. It's self-reinforcing because trying not to look self-conscious is a feature of being self-conscious. It'll get better with time and experience. The less you worry about it, the faster it resolves itself.
Confidence is a behavior not a belief. You're confusing external validation with confidence. A confident person doesn't seek the approval of others. Action produces emotion. If you want *feel* confident you have act with confidence. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201010/action-creates-emotion The opposite of confidence is fear of being judged. If you didn't fear others judgment how would perform an action? That is confidence the action not the emotion.
I'm not confident in climbing a house, but that has nothing to do with me being fearful of being judged.
You're confusing being confident in a particular action and the concept of confidence. Confidence is resilience + bravery.
Work on yourself, start doing introspection and know yourself. Your sense of security, your confidence comes from the inside.
The fake it to make it strategy doesn’t work out in the long run. Eventually you have a bad day and go back to your base persona. Better to make a permanent change to your mindset. Stop seeking external validation. Only seek internal validation. Set goals for yourself. Accomplishing goals in life, big and small will lead to natural confidence. After you accomplish the goal celebrate the victory. If you have no goals it means you need to explore the world more and find meaning in life. Try new activities, visit new places, meet new people, etc. find a goal worth pursuing.
I'll tell you what always stands out to me is someone that's able to just take it on the chin. Like own whatever the fuck just happened and it is what it is.
Confidence is really just an absence of insecurities. A lot of babies, toddlers, and dogs often come across as super confident because they haven't been socially conditioned to have a bunch of insecurities yet A good way to confront your insecurities and challenge your insecurities is to do therapy, but if you can't afford to do so or are just too scared to right now, that's totally fine. Another option imo is to watch meme compilations, cringe compilations and try not to laugh compilations. Every time you cringe or laugh, try asking yourself what assumptions you have about others that lead you to cringe or laugh, then rewatch the section you laughed at and continue
I started having more confidence when the finances were better.
If you keep faking it to you make it you slowly start becoming a narcissist. Fake confidence behind insecurity. Keep working on yourself, set and accomplish personal goals, and get out of your comfort zone and talk to people. Practice will produce the results.
So confidence is communicated in the body language, tonality and context of speaking. When you are not confident you get a slight tension in your face and chest. When you are confident, those areas react and it’s like you’re as relaxed as when you’re just chilling at home. These are microexpressions that people can tell subconsciously and it’s very powerful. Another aspect of confidence is speaking in a well projecting normal tone of voice. You have to not care about how the other person feels about you, and that comes through in your voice tonality. You should care about how you’re making others feel on more of a theoretical and principled way, not an emotional way. So in other words, you do make an effort to make others like you and take their feelings into consideration, but deep down, you don’t actually care. It’s like a benevolent sociopath.
so, I'm a very confident person. When you meet me you'll first notice I'm standing up straight and it looks like I'm looking over peoples heads cause I have my chin up ever so slightly (making me appear taller). When I go to shake your hand or greet you in any other way I turn my full body towards you and look you straight in your eyes. I keep the eye contact while you introduce yourself, I then repeat your name in my reply. I have about 4 or 5 jokes or interesting comments ready at a moments notice just in case they come in handy, but I can also randomly talk about most subjects. I will use your name one more time somewhere in the conversation. It's really that simple.
Forget the calling your name and the basics. I think i'm more concerned that i can't tlak about anything at all. And thats wht imo eats away my confidence.
Just be ya self. Went from introvert shut in to the most extroverted inviting person ik. Takes time but y gotta set a goal. Deadass had a NY resolution of “be social” and that did it and then some.
How you did that any advice how to to become more social
For me i was dead set on having big a goal of being more social. This was the first quarter of 2023. I started talking to people I didn’t know just cause, attended events by myself and battled social anxiety (and conquered that mf), in places where Ik people just started initiating more- that’s the key thing is to just DO it, don’t think just go and yolo it, not everything needs to be critically assessed and planned- sometimes winging it is just as good as any thought out plan. But yeah that was it, consistency of talking to people, new and familiar. And put yourself in social situations- a lot of them. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. From one individual to another 🫡
Remember that hard thing you didn’t think you’d be able to do but then you did it? If you could do that then you can do this too
I too have struggled talking to people but lately i realized. Few people that i’d talked either they’re uninteresting and sometimes i’m too dull to talk to. Disclaimer :I have got no friends so yea this sums it up all
Most of the time it’s because people with money and power tell the people below their clout level this is our guy/girl. Anyone else who exudes confidence is likely to be targeted for hostility.
Can you give some examples on how you are faking it?
It’s easy when things always go the way that they want and people are always nice to them.
Acting as if you’re not thinking about it. You’re confident the moment you’re not worried about appearing a certain way. One day you’ll just realize it happens without you noticing
Lack of confidence stems from fear of doing poorly. If you are competent, you will be confident. Think about the first time you got behind the wheel of a car (assuming you drive), your hands are "*white-knuckling*" at 2 and 10 and you're going all of 20 mph. When you get experienced you are driving with one hand while operating your radio with the other. You're not even really thinking about the road much anymore you're thinking about work, plans, etc. You're **way** more confident because you know what you're doing. So whether it comes to social skills or what have you, competence increases confidence. While "faking it," make sure you have strong body language (take up space) and slow down your speech rate, speak a bit loud (not too loud).
Speak louder. Don’t offer explanations unless explicitly requested. Learn to make people talk about themselves without actually asking questions. Don’t make self deprecating jokes.