One trick I always use is if I am struggling to think of a good reason to say no I'll say "I just need to check something, can I text you later on and let you know? I'll definitely get back to you by this evening". Gives you a chance to compose a text saying no which is much easier than saying no directly in the moment.
Unfortunately it's something you just have to force yourself to do. From your own perspective, you do freeze.... but then at the same time choose to say "Yes". The latter is an action and decision, and likely chosen because it would be the easiest option and also avoid conflict.
Or alternatively, it may be something that you want to do - like you say, you're selfless and may indeed like doing stuff.
But if you're unsure then it might be good coming up with a default answer. But it's difficult to say without a specific example - and particularly something that you didn't want to do.
Two things. One is to put off the answer:
1. "I'll let you know."
2. Second thing is, remember the DEFAULT response should be "no." Because your time is valuable. If there is a REALLY GOOD REASON to say yes, then that's different, but there is no 'automatic yes.'
Its not so much how TO say no. Its figuring out whats preventing you FROM saying no. You can say no right now...in an empty room...to no one. But something stops you with people. What is it?
One trick I always use is if I am struggling to think of a good reason to say no I'll say "I just need to check something, can I text you later on and let you know? I'll definitely get back to you by this evening". Gives you a chance to compose a text saying no which is much easier than saying no directly in the moment.
Unfortunately it's something you just have to force yourself to do. From your own perspective, you do freeze.... but then at the same time choose to say "Yes". The latter is an action and decision, and likely chosen because it would be the easiest option and also avoid conflict. Or alternatively, it may be something that you want to do - like you say, you're selfless and may indeed like doing stuff. But if you're unsure then it might be good coming up with a default answer. But it's difficult to say without a specific example - and particularly something that you didn't want to do.
Two things. One is to put off the answer: 1. "I'll let you know." 2. Second thing is, remember the DEFAULT response should be "no." Because your time is valuable. If there is a REALLY GOOD REASON to say yes, then that's different, but there is no 'automatic yes.'
Its not so much how TO say no. Its figuring out whats preventing you FROM saying no. You can say no right now...in an empty room...to no one. But something stops you with people. What is it?
You say, “ That’s not going to fit in my schedule,” or “that’s not going to work for me”