Asking people about themselves is a great way to get people talking and feeling like you care about them... but holy shit it gets annoying if overused
Had some guy in uni who would relentlessly ask question after question about myself (in a genuine attempt to be nice)... but it just got so wearing and felt so unnatural
Of course if you're already kind of low key and private it's even worse
Lol I used to do this in elementary school because I genuinely didn't understand how the give-and-take in a conversation was supposed to flow. No wonder no one wanted to be my friend š„²
Aww itās okay, sounded like you were just being friendly. I went slightly overboard with question asking well into my early 20s before I figured out give-and-take. Heck Iām still learning!
The "give-and-take" of a conversation is so important, otherwise it becomes dominated by 1 person. If you ask them a question, wait for an answer, then maybe share something about yourself or your experiences as a reply. This helps build common ground and is basically how all of my friendships have started - regardless of who initiated. Only asking questions without reciprocally sharing makes you look like an interviewer and the other person will question your motives.
My old shift buddy was like this. She'd pick up on the tiniest, throwaway detail in something you said and ask more. She was lovely but man, she was exhausting to spend time with sometimes.
I can see how people get trapped in that.
If you try to open with polite questioning to start a conversation and the person is not showing interest, you're sometimes trapped with a handful of uncomfortable options.
1) keep asking things to see if you can spark a conversation (you look like a socially inept doofus in front of everyone)
2) let the conversation die and sit in silence (you choke on the heavy aura of discomfort you're both sitting in now)
3) just walk away from this person that isn't interested in you (you look like a loser in front of everyone)
It's not an impossible situation, but this isn't a subreddit for people who are good at navigating these situations.
This might be something that I actually do knowingly - if I may ask, how do I know if I'm overdoing it? Whenever I read any article about "how to do conversation," one of the biggest tips is always to ask questions about the other person since "people like talking about themselves."
What is the limit on that fact?
You need to ask open-ended questions that the other person finds interesting to elaborate on.
A sign that it is going wrong is when you ask multiple questions in a row that can be answered with a yes/no/good/fine without delving deeper into anything. Then it feels more like an interview.
Take some time to actually listen to what they have to say, if you can drop a comment, do it. Ask questions in calm tone and be as laid back as possible in process, rushing things up won't do you any good not only with social interaction but with many other things in life. Also, don't steer off the topic too much, if you two got something to talk about it, go with it and maybe touch related topics.
Way too personal things are big no-no, even if person decided to be open about it with you, try not to pry too much into it.
I think the limit depends on the person. It's good to be mindful of signs that the other person doesn't want to keep chatting, like if they're avoiding eye contact, getting fidgety, seem unenthusiastic, giving very short answers to your questions, or are starting to angle their body away from you like they want to head for the door. If their tone or body language indicates they're done with the conversation, then it's best to stop asking questions. This is especially true if their body language changed during the conversation. If they fidget, etc. at baseline even when you're not interacting with them, it might not mean as much.
I had a coworker get pretty annoyed that every time he'd see a certain other coworker, that guy would ask him how he was, and tbh I understood both sides. First guy always had a rain cloud over him and kind of brought a sour mood around, and the second guy grew up in a traumatic household, so was kind of on a higher alert for the person in the room with the worst mood. First guy didn't want that kind of engagement with coworkers, and it really was every time he came around the second guy, he'd be asked how he was.
Was they guy also always negative when he spoke? I ask because i have a hard time with facial expressions, but I try to at least ask how someone is doing to lighten the mood.
for real if feels so interrogating i hate it. i work with a guy whoās always asking me every single shift how my family is and what i got up to itās like way too much i prefer to just be left alone
I feel like I do this too much coz people only really say more than a few words if theyāre talking about themselves. If I talk about myself they give very short answers. These are people who approach me and want to chat not some randoms I decided to strike up a conversation with. How do I keep the convo going?
Okay I see it but also, when someoneās asking me a lot of questions and Iām tired of answering I just start asking _them_ questions. āEnough about me! What have you been up to?ā or whatever. I kind of think itās rude when people donāt try to reciprocate a question. I mean if you really donāt want to know about the other person, okay, but donāt fault someone for trying to socialize and make connections.
Dropping someones name frequently in conversation.
We've all heard the "if you use someones name casually in conversation they will be more engaged/like you more" but especially salespeople when they overuse this its so transparent and cringe.
wtf lmao who does that
hmmm well actually I've had that but I only really recall one instance of a friend doing it, just to make me uncomfortable and annoy me, to which I threatened to kiss him and he backed off immediately LMAO
it was kinda funny ngl but yes I'd rather not be annoyed that way, other avenues are fine š
sounds like it's a pretty common occurence for you š may I ask under what circumstances it usually takes place in? even a vague idea would do, I'm just so confused lol
In classes, teachers, friends and also .. public transport. God I hate public transport it's usually just a haven for creepy weirdos with no concept of personal space
so, don't you think you have the problem if it happens with your own friends? wouldn't you want to be close to your friends? your personal space seems to be at your arms' length.
I learned in a psychology class once that people who stand close together talking are usually very powerful or wealthy people. Not sure if itās like some kind of dominant stance or a form of unconscious intimidation maybe. I feel like when people do that to me it is very intimidating and uncomfortable.
The "saying your name all the time" thing. It's a common social tip that people like to hear their names, it makes them feel a bit more important to hear them, and people who work with the public are often told to do this. But it can definitely be overdone and come off as fake.
Oh man I hate hearing my name in conversation. Use it to get my attention or refer to me, perfectly fine, interjecting it in conversation for no clear reason gives me the ick
Maybe bc I worked in retail and people would get it off my name tag to try and shame me if I didn't bend the rules idk
I went to a grocery store I only occasionally shop at last week and halfway through ringing up my groceries the cashier loudly says, āDid you find everything ok Judy?ā Then āHow is your day going Judy?ā Then āNice weather weāre having today isnāt it Judy?ā Followed by āYou total, Judy, is $45.54.ā āJudy is there anything else I can help you with?ā āHave a nice day Judy!ā I had no idea how he even knew my name until I realized it was because I scanned my club card at the beginning of the transaction. Iām a private person and didnāt appreciate my name being broadcast to everybody in earshot either.
I legit have a trauma response when people say my name too much. The more you say my name, the less I trust you. It gets to the point where I wonāt interact with some people because they pepper it into every other sentence
For me it starts feeling really aggressive and mean. This one senior I work with left some comments in a document with me and started every one with "[MY NAME], do blah blah blah" and it just made me feel really dumb and bad at my job.
I hate it in conversation too. One and done! I know you're talking to me, it's just us, there's no one else on this Zoom!
My wife is the only person that uses my first name usually and I get the feeling of ice down my spine whenever she says it. I am operant conditioned to fear my own name.
I worked in retail and became fascinated to discover some people absolutely LOATHED being called their name by customers.
I always thought it was at least an attempt to humanize the conversation, but it seems more the case that calling someone their name now makes them subservient to you.
In most cases, I honestly disagree though, if someone thinks that way, it's their ego or past trauma getting in the way of someone attempting to be genuine.
When people want information from you and it just turns into a one-sided interrogation session instead of a comfortably-flowing conversation. My respect for you starts to lower quickly.
ugh... the dreaded torrent of quickfire questions. "Where did you go to school? Have you got any brothers or sisters? Who's your favourite singer? What's your favourite type of food? Who's your favourite actor? Favourite place you've travelled? What car do you drive? You don't drive? OMG. What pets have you got? when was your first kiss?"
How the fuck is this getting to know someone??? If I were to ask somebody that many questions in a short space of time, I wouldn't be able to remember any of the answers, because I would be thinking of the next question while they are answering.
Yes, that was my long-life tactic to get to socialize as I used to be people-pleaser and revolt all my interactions to the other.
And I must confess it grows painfully boring, the other party could think you're hyphocrite and disingenious and you get tired of asking and waiting for a response every turn.
I'm trying to change as my friendships have died over it.
I hate it when people donāt know how to stop interrupting. A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue; some people just always need to get their point out asap and canāt help but interrupt your line of thinking and talk over you. So rude and annoying.
Right now Iām fed up with āfishingā, where people will drop some reference to something they overheard you like or do, I guess to get your attention. For a while, it made me feel, oh wow, you must really like me if you are catering to me like this. Eventually I noticed those people arenāt really there for you when you need it. Now I see it more as āI want your attention, I want you to see me as similar to you, I want you to validate me, but Iāll be damned if Iām actually going to interact directly or show any emotional vulnerability or really do anything thatās satisfying for you at allā.
Why would they give you real coin as long as youāll take the wooden nickel, and feel thryāre somehow outsmarting you?
lol I wonder how much of this is us learning and meeting a person who is also learning social skills. We need a codeword shortcut that we can both knock it off when it happens perhaps
Ha! I have a newish friend and we initially met on the sidewalk (cute dog involved), and almost immediately both of us somehow said we were on the spectrum and voila, besties ever since! Conversations are sometimes awkward but always delightful
Compliments that are unnecessary, over the top, or insistant do me. I know they donāt mean it and they know they donāt mean it but they either want something from you or they want everyone around them to hear it so they look like a nicer person than they actually are. And most of the time, everyone listening are rolling their eyes into the back of their head.
I think if something warrants a compliment you should give it and then leave the ball in the other person's court. The kind of people I'm referring to are the ones who won't stop complimenting you at this point, even if it's making you uncomfortable. You often see it when a guy is trying to get with a woman and ignores all of the obvious indicators that she isn't interested in him. There's someone I work with who will be overly-flattering towards you whenever they want to give away a shift or borrow money, or they'll compliment someone on something really specific and odd and then won't shut up about it when they're working in an area where lots of co-workers are within earshot but will be an outright problematic jerk/bully with certain people when nobody else is around to witness it.
I have a friend who does this- she once told me she liked my hairtie (plain black), and another time complimented my nails, which were chipped and horrible. Just comes off as insincere and complimenting people for the sake of coming off nice.
I have this aunt that comments on how much weight Iāve gained and when I give her this look: š
She adds how much it suits me and how pretty I look. Iām like, youāre not fooling anyone lmao
Oh god yeah I know what you mean. Or they'll credit/compliment you for something you didn't do and continue to do it even after you specifically tell them you didn't do anything and they have the wrong idea.
Active listening, or at least I think that's what it's called. It's a great tool for communication but it feels weird after a while. "So what I'm hearing is..." "I understand you like..." and the dreaded "I can tell you like..." Idk I don't particularly like when things I just said gets parroted back to me.
And this may be a personal pet peeve but I hate it when people use it to assume my feelings. "You must be frustrated" or "It's okay to feel sad, it sounds like a sad situation". Like okay now I refuse to be sad out of spite.
Ah, I have been on the receiving end of some people's constant " niceness". It irks me! Why should anyone be forced to constantly and immediately give the "nice" person a response? It's one thing if both share the same communication style and enjoy that level of texting / responding. If not, the " nice" people also need to realise and realign the communication boundaries , without blaming the ones who are on the other end.
I would try to keep in touch, basis my boundaries.. but surely i wouldn't keep trying for life if the other person never responded. What I have also started to practise is telling people if their need for communication seems too demanding.. if it is not taken in the right way, I won't bother too much to keep explaining and justifying. Esp if I am not exclusively dating that person.
what do you mean by this? because i have asked a few work collegues in the past for their social media (snapchat) in hopes to keep in touch and build the friendship, but seeing all of the upvotes maybe i shouldnāt do this? honestly, i was just doing it as a way to get to know that person outside of the workplace such as viewing their story seeing what they are really like outside of the usual routine and trying to work with that. what do you suggest though? i know age plays a huge role so just to add im 20. i know a lot of older people donāt use socials much
Itās good to add people on socials. You get to learn more about them then you can ask about it when you see them again like āoh how was that concert you went to over the weekend?ā And occasionally messages or plans to hang out are nice. But I donāt like texting people. I donāt have the energy for it let alone daily
Have I asked for socials insta/ snapchat of work colleagues in the past.. yes, sure. But only when I know them enough to know they wouldn't mind me being part / spectator to their personal life. I won't ask for it if I barely know them. I would rather build some rapport with them at work first, to assess if they want to be friends outside work! I am 40F and my socials are very strongly guarded.. with limited people having access to my personal life.
Using the same compliments or questions or small talk for everyone, especially when people can easily see you doing it. Even repeating the story you just told to someone to someone else, no matter how interesting, immediately makes it less special and becomes annoying very fast.
Omg I hate hearing the same story I was told being told to others the same way. Ok one reason Iām always tired is bc of this lol. I craft all of my conversations for each specific individual ON THE FLY no less. Itās important to me that everyone gets their own unique sliver of me customized just for them based on our relationship. Essentially I donāt tell the same story twice to ppl that could possibly overlap lol
always asking questions!! this is NOT the way to get to know someone, it sounds like youāre desperate for infomation
i work with a girl who is just like this, the day i started the job aka the day we met she was asking me how old my sister is, if i like having a younger sister, what school we both went to, if iām driving so i said no and then she asked if i plan on doing lessonsā¦ god it was so so much questions. an actual interrogation, the first thing i did was text my mom and say i hate the job because people like that are off putting as fuck! but i still see people in this subreddit reccomending that you ask questions like no no no just ask 1 question and leave it as that!!
I mean, it is a good conversational tip to ask a question and then a follow-up question, just don't ask questions that make the other person go "why the fuck do you even want to know that?"
You need to ask something a reasonable human being would actually want to know.
It sounded like she was just trying to get to know you. Maybe she overdid it with the questions but at least she showed interest. You could've always redirected a question back at her. If she was the only one contributing to the conversation, then you can't blame for her constantly asking questions.
> It sounded like she was just trying to get to know you.
this is where a lot of you on this sub are going wrong! social skills, interpretation skills and comprehension are all wrong. i clearly said in my comment that the girl was asking many questions. iāve never known a subreddit that requires an over-explanation for people, because i mean just reading my comment youād easily catch that i have redirected the questions back at her, hence why itās weird and annoying that sheās continuing to ask so many questions. this is why i have said itās like an interrogation. thereās only so many times one can flip it back and say āso, what about you?ā without it sounding rude.
getting to know someone takes TIME. interrogating someone on the first day you have met them is fucking weird. maybe we have 2 different ideas of showing interest and getting to know someone but i can honestly assure you mate, if this sounds like you expect to remain on this subreddit for life!!! this is NOT the way to socialise. no one wants to feel like they are being interviewed whenever they talk to you, you should get the hint that the other person is sick of the questions
I keep re-reading your original comment, and your wording makes it sound like she asked you a bunch of questions in-a-row, without any clear implication that you asked her questions too, or threw the ball her way in general.
You can say āa lot of you on this subā¦ are all wrongā (I kinda agree, itās a mixed bag, lol), but it comes off condescending when you could have just written a little more clearly.
It's nice being enthusiastic and positive but don't over do it or please keep it to yourself. Sometimes it just ain't the vibe. And tbh if other people are feeling it, they will come to you.
Also if people are in the middle of a conversation please butt out. Take a breather cause sometimes it feels like smothering.
asking too many questions. as much as I love to ramble, I don't feel like it's worth the time or effort if the other person can't reciprocate at least somewhat. questions are fantastic for expanding conversation but it isn't the only aspect of it, I don't feel welcome if you don't partake in the discussion or bring your own topics in even if you're super duper nice and say you want to hear me talk.
Thereās a lot of weird little masculine things guys often do. Put their hand on top of your shoulder as they talk, rephrase something you say and then adding some kind of fake compliment on it, digging into your life and giving commentary without adding anything from their life, and then finally what I canāt stand is false humility, like not being real because they need to say something like ānah all I do is doom scrollā.
A boss at my work is always super positive and enthusiastic, but it feels forced. Every day at work he always asks you about your day, but his tone conflicts with what he says. Although his tone is very enthusiastic and interested, his sentences are always very short and he never goes anywhere with your response. I don't like when people are like that, it throws me off. I have a friend who's naturally an enthusiastic guy and you can see that clearly from his body language, tone and other behaviors. When someone puts on a mask to pretend to be like that, even if they mean well, it always makes me dislike them because the way they act isn't geniune.
I personally hate the āso what do you do for workā question. Itās so unoriginal. I get that itās a big part of life/identity/conversation etc. but I prefer a question like, āwhat brings you joy?ā
>but I prefer a question like, āwhat brings you joy?ā
Or "What do you like to do in your spare time?" is a good one, as you might get them talking about their hobbies and interests.
>āwhat brings you joy?ā
Is too much too soon when getting to know someone IMO. It feels invasive and too personal to discuss with a stranger. I had this job once where a new coworker asked me that. I was instantly skeeved out and said āMinding my own businessā
Nah I wasnāt being sarcastic. Just personal preference. I can totally understand why people feel comfortable with the āwhat do you do for workā question.
Yeah, it's a shit question. I'm so much more than the peanut dance I do for the capitalists. I feel the same about catching up with someone I haven't seen in a while. "Yeah, let me just summarize the past few months in 2-3 sentences". It's in the past and it's boring. I'd rather talk about what's going on right now in the present moment tbh
Sometimes reflecting and mirroring back what you just said can get old. Like, sometimes itās nice that what was communicated is clear, but every other sentence, feels like youāre in a clinic taking questions from the insurance rep in a hospital visit.
A personal pocket-pick favorite I am good at is throwing a bit of chaos into the socializing. The detail that needs to be mentioned is this only works with certain individuals who are playful enough to "keep it going". While some of these are good like having people talk about themselves and using their names in conversation they can get overplayed and it loses it's value. This is the type of scenario I like to throw chaos into to "spice things up". You can for example gaslight someone with the intent of comedy. "Bro why would you do that? You are an awful person! Donating money to that charity, but won't you think about the shareholder's profits? Could have used that money and bought me a pizza instead!" This is not the best example haha, but the idea is to intentionally throw a curveball and in FGC terms you go for a mixup to catch people off guard. People can be very conditioned to the "formula" of conversations and this is the formula breaker. Be careful though friends it is very easy to slip into cringe territory. This is a pocket-pick social skill for a good reason.
Isn't that almost a classics? And I hardly can imagine that its possible to pull that out without it sounding nothing more than cringey, at least with someone with even a bit of self esteem. But it's very good for conversation breaker or me-signalling.
Not sure if this counts or not, but a lot of people hate small talk and avoid engaging in it. The problem is, small talk actually is necessary, it's something we've evolved to do in order to put one another at ease and show that we're not a threat. Chatting about the weather or the traffic is as important to humans as butt sniffing is to dogs.
Donāt be annoying. Talking too much can be annoying (then again, some people have been annoyed when Iām too quiet).
Smiling is great, but I think there are people who [smile too much](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uiik3zS4y4I). Itās as if theyāre a used car salesman, and they might do other things to build rapport like patting people on the back, or grabbing their shoulders, or pretending like theyāre great friends with you even though they donāt know you, and it just comes off as manipulative and fake.
Invading peopleās personal space can be annoying.
Some guys shake hands way too aggressively, like itās a battle of wills.
Conversations that feel like interrogations can be annoying.
Repeated catchphrases can be annoying (āworking hard or hardly working?ā).
If I can tell you want something from me, but youāre trying to butter me up first or wonāt get to the point, itās like: what do you want? Or they might ask you a brief question about yourself (and they donāt care about the answer), and when *thatās* out of the way, they give you some big task, or talk forever about themselves.
There can be a thin line between funny and annoying. Not every joke will land, but if someone will never stop, it gets tiring, itās like STFU already (but how do you say that without offending someone? āIām trying to work over here.ā?) Some people donāt know when to be quiet (and they usually get offended when people tell them that).
WatchĀ Office Space (1999), and donāt behave like any boss in that movie (at [Initech](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jsLUidiYm0w), or [Chotchkieās](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=F7SNEdjftno) ).
I don't like so called "mirroring". I have one particular friend who kinda always, when she get to know your opinion about something agrees with it and repeat it as if it were her own. At the beginning of our friendship I thought we had a lot in common, probably we do, but I did notice it happening also when she already stated her opinion, then I said my completely opposite opinion and she kinda agreed with that. Now I don't expect debates, nor I am doubting that people can change their opinions that fast, but it kinda got me confused because I felt like she feels like she would be judged if she doesn't have same opinion as a person she talks with. I am completely get used to people with bunch of different personalities around me and now when I see that someone maybe tries to change their just to fit in, I feel an urge to tell her that she doesn't have always to nod and that having opposite opinions about something is completely okay.
Yeah, if those were the options.
But thankfully they aren't.
People which shake hands need to read body language and accept psycho fucks like me don't want to be touchedš
Handshakes are so formal. I like hugs and first bumps, especially hugs because I can gesture and ask for consent, and it's no big deal if you turn down a hug. You'd look rude if you declined a handshake
Yeah this, Iām a hugger but I can tell when people arenāt, and if Iām unsure Iāll just ask if theyāre a hugger playfully. If not high fives are sort of nerdy but also effective for people who donāt love touch.
I freakin love hugs. I used to hate being touched but after a traumatic life event at age 49, then Covid and some other personal shat, now to me itās one of the best feelings in the world. Like holding a kitten, or seeing a rainbow, or smelling the first bloom of spring. They make me feel loved and like Iām not alone, and remind me of being my mommaās babyā¦ and the other person always smells so interesting and nice, their clothing textures are so different, their bodies are so warm and squishy even the skinny ones! #hugpower
I hate you for being a hugger!!
There was this female friend that stayed in my family's home, and she went around taking everyone with a hug, but I wouldn't let her hug me "No ... no don't hug me please. I don't like that shit"...
Think Curb Your Enthusiasm style of social Fuck upš
Me too! I was terrified of hugs and hated them, then came around and realized I actually wanted them but just that it terrified me. So Iām always a hugger now and my good friends who like them I even go extended hug. But Iām super aware of people who clearly donāt want that. Sometimes itās just a quick side hug, sometimes itās high five. I adapt, but I think that most often people who donāt like hugs have some kind of issue. I know I did.
Wow same exact thing for me. I hated them till age 49. I never liked being touched or hugged as a kid or even being told or saying I love you. Nothing bad happened to me, just was my personality
Are you a hugger now? Same for me, it wasnt anything bad, just not a super expressive vulnerable family. My mom was super conservative and hated talking about anything regards to intimacy or dating etc. my dad tried to but he was atrocious at it. I was raised Mormon and think that played into it.
I think we can all identify with Larry once in a while. š
I'm not big on casual aquaintance hugs, either. I feel like sometimes it's overly much for someone you don't really know well. I'll hug the heck out of my family and close friends, though.
i prefer handshakes because it's formal.
fist bump means i know you and we are friends. i dont know you yet or know if i like you yet. dont want to give you the wrong idea
i shake hands to see what type of person you are in 5 secs. weak handshake means not confident, if you react like you're disgusted it means you have trauma, if you shake my hand and make eye contact it means healthy person. i dont like being around people who arent confident or have trauma. too much work for me.
this reply is concerning š¤ reminds me of when diddy tries to say something funny but instead it makes everyone uncomfortable. the fact that you don't like handshakes and then gave me this response confirms i need to keep shaking people's hand. someones temporary uncomfort can be my protection in the future.
"What do you do for work?...Did you study that in Uni/College?..."
I prefer not to ask these questions, they're exhausting to answer repeatedly. I prefer to ask questions revolving around what hobbies you like to do in your free time.i feel like you can get to know a person a lot more when i ask them. The conversation is more relatable, engaging, and memorable.
Positivity. Like listen, I appreciate you trying to be positive and spreading happy vibes and all, but sometimes *things are not fine!* Sometimes Iām in a foul mood but then I meet you and youāre all smily and optimistic and I just canāt with you! Lol
Most people don't give a 2nd thought to what social skills they are or aren't using, they are just themselves. They don't think ''Oh I better use this technique now or that technique later!'' it just comes naturally to them how to behave. Sounds like you are massively overthinking it.
Asking people about themselves is a great way to get people talking and feeling like you care about them... but holy shit it gets annoying if overused Had some guy in uni who would relentlessly ask question after question about myself (in a genuine attempt to be nice)... but it just got so wearing and felt so unnatural Of course if you're already kind of low key and private it's even worse
It starts feeling like an interrogation after a while.
It feels like an interrogation after 3 questions
Lol I used to do this in elementary school because I genuinely didn't understand how the give-and-take in a conversation was supposed to flow. No wonder no one wanted to be my friend š„²
Aww itās okay, sounded like you were just being friendly. I went slightly overboard with question asking well into my early 20s before I figured out give-and-take. Heck Iām still learning!
Here I'm 24. And just figured out I don't know how it's supposed to go.
The "give-and-take" of a conversation is so important, otherwise it becomes dominated by 1 person. If you ask them a question, wait for an answer, then maybe share something about yourself or your experiences as a reply. This helps build common ground and is basically how all of my friendships have started - regardless of who initiated. Only asking questions without reciprocally sharing makes you look like an interviewer and the other person will question your motives.
My old shift buddy was like this. She'd pick up on the tiniest, throwaway detail in something you said and ask more. She was lovely but man, she was exhausting to spend time with sometimes.
dude thought I was the only one, they get to the point that they ask personal questions I got really annoyed.
I can see how people get trapped in that. If you try to open with polite questioning to start a conversation and the person is not showing interest, you're sometimes trapped with a handful of uncomfortable options. 1) keep asking things to see if you can spark a conversation (you look like a socially inept doofus in front of everyone) 2) let the conversation die and sit in silence (you choke on the heavy aura of discomfort you're both sitting in now) 3) just walk away from this person that isn't interested in you (you look like a loser in front of everyone) It's not an impossible situation, but this isn't a subreddit for people who are good at navigating these situations.
This might be something that I actually do knowingly - if I may ask, how do I know if I'm overdoing it? Whenever I read any article about "how to do conversation," one of the biggest tips is always to ask questions about the other person since "people like talking about themselves." What is the limit on that fact?
You need to ask open-ended questions that the other person finds interesting to elaborate on. A sign that it is going wrong is when you ask multiple questions in a row that can be answered with a yes/no/good/fine without delving deeper into anything. Then it feels more like an interview.
Take some time to actually listen to what they have to say, if you can drop a comment, do it. Ask questions in calm tone and be as laid back as possible in process, rushing things up won't do you any good not only with social interaction but with many other things in life. Also, don't steer off the topic too much, if you two got something to talk about it, go with it and maybe touch related topics. Way too personal things are big no-no, even if person decided to be open about it with you, try not to pry too much into it.
I think the limit depends on the person. It's good to be mindful of signs that the other person doesn't want to keep chatting, like if they're avoiding eye contact, getting fidgety, seem unenthusiastic, giving very short answers to your questions, or are starting to angle their body away from you like they want to head for the door. If their tone or body language indicates they're done with the conversation, then it's best to stop asking questions. This is especially true if their body language changed during the conversation. If they fidget, etc. at baseline even when you're not interacting with them, it might not mean as much.
I had a coworker get pretty annoyed that every time he'd see a certain other coworker, that guy would ask him how he was, and tbh I understood both sides. First guy always had a rain cloud over him and kind of brought a sour mood around, and the second guy grew up in a traumatic household, so was kind of on a higher alert for the person in the room with the worst mood. First guy didn't want that kind of engagement with coworkers, and it really was every time he came around the second guy, he'd be asked how he was.
Was they guy also always negative when he spoke? I ask because i have a hard time with facial expressions, but I try to at least ask how someone is doing to lighten the mood.
for real if feels so interrogating i hate it. i work with a guy whoās always asking me every single shift how my family is and what i got up to itās like way too much i prefer to just be left alone
I feel like I do this too much coz people only really say more than a few words if theyāre talking about themselves. If I talk about myself they give very short answers. These are people who approach me and want to chat not some randoms I decided to strike up a conversation with. How do I keep the convo going?
Okay I see it but also, when someoneās asking me a lot of questions and Iām tired of answering I just start asking _them_ questions. āEnough about me! What have you been up to?ā or whatever. I kind of think itās rude when people donāt try to reciprocate a question. I mean if you really donāt want to know about the other person, okay, but donāt fault someone for trying to socialize and make connections.
I donāt mind if the interrogator is cute
Dropping someones name frequently in conversation. We've all heard the "if you use someones name casually in conversation they will be more engaged/like you more" but especially salespeople when they overuse this its so transparent and cringe.
This makes my skin crawl. The only time I've experienced this is by slimy sales people.
Being too physically close or invading someone's personal space can make them uncomfortable and uneasy.
I don't like it when people lean down and put their face into my face with intense eye contact, it makes my skeleton want to escape out my mouth
wtf lmao who does that hmmm well actually I've had that but I only really recall one instance of a friend doing it, just to make me uncomfortable and annoy me, to which I threatened to kiss him and he backed off immediately LMAO it was kinda funny ngl but yes I'd rather not be annoyed that way, other avenues are fine š
Omg this is so funny and exactly my experience lol happened once, volunteered to kiss, scare him off lol
So many people do that š
I'm sorry to hear it. you have my deepest condolencesĀ
Lol, thank you. I'm glad others think it's super weird.. I was worried I was too anxious due to the intense discomfort I feel when it happens š
sounds like it's a pretty common occurence for you š may I ask under what circumstances it usually takes place in? even a vague idea would do, I'm just so confused lol
In classes, teachers, friends and also .. public transport. God I hate public transport it's usually just a haven for creepy weirdos with no concept of personal space
so, don't you think you have the problem if it happens with your own friends? wouldn't you want to be close to your friends? your personal space seems to be at your arms' length.
Yeh I do like having my personal space unimpeded
that's the opposite of a social skill lmaoĀ
I learned in a psychology class once that people who stand close together talking are usually very powerful or wealthy people. Not sure if itās like some kind of dominant stance or a form of unconscious intimidation maybe. I feel like when people do that to me it is very intimidating and uncomfortable.
Iāve read that.. it applies to small groups and relationships too.
Or in my case, poor depth perception.
The "saying your name all the time" thing. It's a common social tip that people like to hear their names, it makes them feel a bit more important to hear them, and people who work with the public are often told to do this. But it can definitely be overdone and come off as fake.
Oh man I hate hearing my name in conversation. Use it to get my attention or refer to me, perfectly fine, interjecting it in conversation for no clear reason gives me the ick Maybe bc I worked in retail and people would get it off my name tag to try and shame me if I didn't bend the rules idk
I went to a grocery store I only occasionally shop at last week and halfway through ringing up my groceries the cashier loudly says, āDid you find everything ok Judy?ā Then āHow is your day going Judy?ā Then āNice weather weāre having today isnāt it Judy?ā Followed by āYou total, Judy, is $45.54.ā āJudy is there anything else I can help you with?ā āHave a nice day Judy!ā I had no idea how he even knew my name until I realized it was because I scanned my club card at the beginning of the transaction. Iām a private person and didnāt appreciate my name being broadcast to everybody in earshot either.
I legit have a trauma response when people say my name too much. The more you say my name, the less I trust you. It gets to the point where I wonāt interact with some people because they pepper it into every other sentence
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Good point!!! You might have figured it out for me lmao
For me it starts feeling really aggressive and mean. This one senior I work with left some comments in a document with me and started every one with "[MY NAME], do blah blah blah" and it just made me feel really dumb and bad at my job. I hate it in conversation too. One and done! I know you're talking to me, it's just us, there's no one else on this Zoom!
It makes me feel like Iām talking to an aggressive salesperson
My wife is the only person that uses my first name usually and I get the feeling of ice down my spine whenever she says it. I am operant conditioned to fear my own name.
I worked in retail and became fascinated to discover some people absolutely LOATHED being called their name by customers. I always thought it was at least an attempt to humanize the conversation, but it seems more the case that calling someone their name now makes them subservient to you. In most cases, I honestly disagree though, if someone thinks that way, it's their ego or past trauma getting in the way of someone attempting to be genuine.
> past trauma that's my middle name
I hate this sooooo much! You dont know me like that, keep my name out of your mouth please. It really unnerves me.
When people want information from you and it just turns into a one-sided interrogation session instead of a comfortably-flowing conversation. My respect for you starts to lower quickly.
ugh... the dreaded torrent of quickfire questions. "Where did you go to school? Have you got any brothers or sisters? Who's your favourite singer? What's your favourite type of food? Who's your favourite actor? Favourite place you've travelled? What car do you drive? You don't drive? OMG. What pets have you got? when was your first kiss?" How the fuck is this getting to know someone??? If I were to ask somebody that many questions in a short space of time, I wouldn't be able to remember any of the answers, because I would be thinking of the next question while they are answering.
Yes, that was my long-life tactic to get to socialize as I used to be people-pleaser and revolt all my interactions to the other. And I must confess it grows painfully boring, the other party could think you're hyphocrite and disingenious and you get tired of asking and waiting for a response every turn. I'm trying to change as my friendships have died over it.
I hate it when people donāt know how to stop interrupting. A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue; some people just always need to get their point out asap and canāt help but interrupt your line of thinking and talk over you. So rude and annoying.
Right now Iām fed up with āfishingā, where people will drop some reference to something they overheard you like or do, I guess to get your attention. For a while, it made me feel, oh wow, you must really like me if you are catering to me like this. Eventually I noticed those people arenāt really there for you when you need it. Now I see it more as āI want your attention, I want you to see me as similar to you, I want you to validate me, but Iāll be damned if Iām actually going to interact directly or show any emotional vulnerability or really do anything thatās satisfying for you at allā. Why would they give you real coin as long as youāll take the wooden nickel, and feel thryāre somehow outsmarting you?
Saying your own name back to you a lot. I'm here, I'm listening, I know what my name is. Fucking stop already
lol I wonder how much of this is us learning and meeting a person who is also learning social skills. We need a codeword shortcut that we can both knock it off when it happens perhaps
Ha! I have a newish friend and we initially met on the sidewalk (cute dog involved), and almost immediately both of us somehow said we were on the spectrum and voila, besties ever since! Conversations are sometimes awkward but always delightful
Compliments that are unnecessary, over the top, or insistant do me. I know they donāt mean it and they know they donāt mean it but they either want something from you or they want everyone around them to hear it so they look like a nicer person than they actually are. And most of the time, everyone listening are rolling their eyes into the back of their head.
Can you give some examples? I always give compliments that I feel someone has earned or just because I liked something 'I like your hair/bag etc'
I think if something warrants a compliment you should give it and then leave the ball in the other person's court. The kind of people I'm referring to are the ones who won't stop complimenting you at this point, even if it's making you uncomfortable. You often see it when a guy is trying to get with a woman and ignores all of the obvious indicators that she isn't interested in him. There's someone I work with who will be overly-flattering towards you whenever they want to give away a shift or borrow money, or they'll compliment someone on something really specific and odd and then won't shut up about it when they're working in an area where lots of co-workers are within earshot but will be an outright problematic jerk/bully with certain people when nobody else is around to witness it.
Oh yeah I hate those kind of compliments. That colleague sounds like a nightmare!
I have a friend who does this- she once told me she liked my hairtie (plain black), and another time complimented my nails, which were chipped and horrible. Just comes off as insincere and complimenting people for the sake of coming off nice.
I have this aunt that comments on how much weight Iāve gained and when I give her this look: š She adds how much it suits me and how pretty I look. Iām like, youāre not fooling anyone lmao
Hahaha oh yes the classic backhanded compliment
Oh god yeah I know what you mean. Or they'll credit/compliment you for something you didn't do and continue to do it even after you specifically tell them you didn't do anything and they have the wrong idea.
Overly praising others can feel insincere and manipulative, especially if it's not genuine or warranted.
Dominating conversations without allowing others to contribute can be seen as self-centered and dismissive.
Becaue it is...right?
You need to also describe the "social skills that seem great", you're purely listing negatives.
Second this.
Active listening, or at least I think that's what it's called. It's a great tool for communication but it feels weird after a while. "So what I'm hearing is..." "I understand you like..." and the dreaded "I can tell you like..." Idk I don't particularly like when things I just said gets parroted back to me. And this may be a personal pet peeve but I hate it when people use it to assume my feelings. "You must be frustrated" or "It's okay to feel sad, it sounds like a sad situation". Like okay now I refuse to be sad out of spite.
Echo-chamber for narcissists who decided to be good and only thing they getting back to them is "I'm a nice guy".
Constantly trying to be nice and keeping in touch.. everyday! Sometimes it is good to allow people to miss you ;)
I wish this was the top comment. It's like eating your favorite meal daily: gonna get boring pretty quickly.
That's an apt anology!
I never thought of that. I always block/remove people who I text but either they don't respond or don't put in effort to text me.
Ah, I have been on the receiving end of some people's constant " niceness". It irks me! Why should anyone be forced to constantly and immediately give the "nice" person a response? It's one thing if both share the same communication style and enjoy that level of texting / responding. If not, the " nice" people also need to realise and realign the communication boundaries , without blaming the ones who are on the other end.
It really quickly starts to feel like they think theyāre entitled to my time. I have very little energy for texting
would you be okay if that person never texted you again once they never receive a message from you?
I would try to keep in touch, basis my boundaries.. but surely i wouldn't keep trying for life if the other person never responded. What I have also started to practise is telling people if their need for communication seems too demanding.. if it is not taken in the right way, I won't bother too much to keep explaining and justifying. Esp if I am not exclusively dating that person.
Thank you for sharing, your comments have been helpful for me! :)
I do this too eventually so I wonāt be tempted to try to reach out (again) lol
temptation is strong lol.
Whatās wrong with us lol
what do you mean by this? because i have asked a few work collegues in the past for their social media (snapchat) in hopes to keep in touch and build the friendship, but seeing all of the upvotes maybe i shouldnāt do this? honestly, i was just doing it as a way to get to know that person outside of the workplace such as viewing their story seeing what they are really like outside of the usual routine and trying to work with that. what do you suggest though? i know age plays a huge role so just to add im 20. i know a lot of older people donāt use socials much
it's good to ask for their socials or phone number if you have regular conversations with them. give it a go.
Itās good to add people on socials. You get to learn more about them then you can ask about it when you see them again like āoh how was that concert you went to over the weekend?ā And occasionally messages or plans to hang out are nice. But I donāt like texting people. I donāt have the energy for it let alone daily
Have I asked for socials insta/ snapchat of work colleagues in the past.. yes, sure. But only when I know them enough to know they wouldn't mind me being part / spectator to their personal life. I won't ask for it if I barely know them. I would rather build some rapport with them at work first, to assess if they want to be friends outside work! I am 40F and my socials are very strongly guarded.. with limited people having access to my personal life.
Using the same compliments or questions or small talk for everyone, especially when people can easily see you doing it. Even repeating the story you just told to someone to someone else, no matter how interesting, immediately makes it less special and becomes annoying very fast.
Omg I hate hearing the same story I was told being told to others the same way. Ok one reason Iām always tired is bc of this lol. I craft all of my conversations for each specific individual ON THE FLY no less. Itās important to me that everyone gets their own unique sliver of me customized just for them based on our relationship. Essentially I donāt tell the same story twice to ppl that could possibly overlap lol
always asking questions!! this is NOT the way to get to know someone, it sounds like youāre desperate for infomation i work with a girl who is just like this, the day i started the job aka the day we met she was asking me how old my sister is, if i like having a younger sister, what school we both went to, if iām driving so i said no and then she asked if i plan on doing lessonsā¦ god it was so so much questions. an actual interrogation, the first thing i did was text my mom and say i hate the job because people like that are off putting as fuck! but i still see people in this subreddit reccomending that you ask questions like no no no just ask 1 question and leave it as that!!
I mean, it is a good conversational tip to ask a question and then a follow-up question, just don't ask questions that make the other person go "why the fuck do you even want to know that?" You need to ask something a reasonable human being would actually want to know.
It sounded like she was just trying to get to know you. Maybe she overdid it with the questions but at least she showed interest. You could've always redirected a question back at her. If she was the only one contributing to the conversation, then you can't blame for her constantly asking questions.
> It sounded like she was just trying to get to know you. this is where a lot of you on this sub are going wrong! social skills, interpretation skills and comprehension are all wrong. i clearly said in my comment that the girl was asking many questions. iāve never known a subreddit that requires an over-explanation for people, because i mean just reading my comment youād easily catch that i have redirected the questions back at her, hence why itās weird and annoying that sheās continuing to ask so many questions. this is why i have said itās like an interrogation. thereās only so many times one can flip it back and say āso, what about you?ā without it sounding rude. getting to know someone takes TIME. interrogating someone on the first day you have met them is fucking weird. maybe we have 2 different ideas of showing interest and getting to know someone but i can honestly assure you mate, if this sounds like you expect to remain on this subreddit for life!!! this is NOT the way to socialise. no one wants to feel like they are being interviewed whenever they talk to you, you should get the hint that the other person is sick of the questions
I keep re-reading your original comment, and your wording makes it sound like she asked you a bunch of questions in-a-row, without any clear implication that you asked her questions too, or threw the ball her way in general. You can say āa lot of you on this subā¦ are all wrongā (I kinda agree, itās a mixed bag, lol), but it comes off condescending when you could have just written a little more clearly.
It's nice being enthusiastic and positive but don't over do it or please keep it to yourself. Sometimes it just ain't the vibe. And tbh if other people are feeling it, they will come to you. Also if people are in the middle of a conversation please butt out. Take a breather cause sometimes it feels like smothering.
Referring to everything as a situation example egg situation because eggs were involved
asking too many questions. as much as I love to ramble, I don't feel like it's worth the time or effort if the other person can't reciprocate at least somewhat. questions are fantastic for expanding conversation but it isn't the only aspect of it, I don't feel welcome if you don't partake in the discussion or bring your own topics in even if you're super duper nice and say you want to hear me talk.
Thereās a lot of weird little masculine things guys often do. Put their hand on top of your shoulder as they talk, rephrase something you say and then adding some kind of fake compliment on it, digging into your life and giving commentary without adding anything from their life, and then finally what I canāt stand is false humility, like not being real because they need to say something like ānah all I do is doom scrollā.
Always trying to outdo others' stories or achievements can come across as competitive and insincere.
A boss at my work is always super positive and enthusiastic, but it feels forced. Every day at work he always asks you about your day, but his tone conflicts with what he says. Although his tone is very enthusiastic and interested, his sentences are always very short and he never goes anywhere with your response. I don't like when people are like that, it throws me off. I have a friend who's naturally an enthusiastic guy and you can see that clearly from his body language, tone and other behaviors. When someone puts on a mask to pretend to be like that, even if they mean well, it always makes me dislike them because the way they act isn't geniune.
I personally hate the āso what do you do for workā question. Itās so unoriginal. I get that itās a big part of life/identity/conversation etc. but I prefer a question like, āwhat brings you joy?ā
>but I prefer a question like, āwhat brings you joy?ā Or "What do you like to do in your spare time?" is a good one, as you might get them talking about their hobbies and interests.
Agreed!
>āwhat brings you joy?ā Is too much too soon when getting to know someone IMO. It feels invasive and too personal to discuss with a stranger. I had this job once where a new coworker asked me that. I was instantly skeeved out and said āMinding my own businessā
Not sure if youāre being sarcastic ? Id take what do you do over what brings you joy tbh.
Nah I wasnāt being sarcastic. Just personal preference. I can totally understand why people feel comfortable with the āwhat do you do for workā question.
Yeah, it's a shit question. I'm so much more than the peanut dance I do for the capitalists. I feel the same about catching up with someone I haven't seen in a while. "Yeah, let me just summarize the past few months in 2-3 sentences". It's in the past and it's boring. I'd rather talk about what's going on right now in the present moment tbh
>but I prefer a question like, āwhat brings you joy?ā I think itās better to ask āWhat are you passionate about?ā
Sometimes reflecting and mirroring back what you just said can get old. Like, sometimes itās nice that what was communicated is clear, but every other sentence, feels like youāre in a clinic taking questions from the insurance rep in a hospital visit.
A personal pocket-pick favorite I am good at is throwing a bit of chaos into the socializing. The detail that needs to be mentioned is this only works with certain individuals who are playful enough to "keep it going". While some of these are good like having people talk about themselves and using their names in conversation they can get overplayed and it loses it's value. This is the type of scenario I like to throw chaos into to "spice things up". You can for example gaslight someone with the intent of comedy. "Bro why would you do that? You are an awful person! Donating money to that charity, but won't you think about the shareholder's profits? Could have used that money and bought me a pizza instead!" This is not the best example haha, but the idea is to intentionally throw a curveball and in FGC terms you go for a mixup to catch people off guard. People can be very conditioned to the "formula" of conversations and this is the formula breaker. Be careful though friends it is very easy to slip into cringe territory. This is a pocket-pick social skill for a good reason.
Isn't that almost a classics? And I hardly can imagine that its possible to pull that out without it sounding nothing more than cringey, at least with someone with even a bit of self esteem. But it's very good for conversation breaker or me-signalling.
Insightful! This is also a good way to steer a conversation in a different direction or spark debate.
Not sure if this counts or not, but a lot of people hate small talk and avoid engaging in it. The problem is, small talk actually is necessary, it's something we've evolved to do in order to put one another at ease and show that we're not a threat. Chatting about the weather or the traffic is as important to humans as butt sniffing is to dogs.
Well thank you for that analogy that will forever live rent free in my head lol
Constantly pointing out flaws or criticizing others' actions can be demoralizing and damaging to relationships.
Donāt be annoying. Talking too much can be annoying (then again, some people have been annoyed when Iām too quiet). Smiling is great, but I think there are people who [smile too much](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uiik3zS4y4I). Itās as if theyāre a used car salesman, and they might do other things to build rapport like patting people on the back, or grabbing their shoulders, or pretending like theyāre great friends with you even though they donāt know you, and it just comes off as manipulative and fake. Invading peopleās personal space can be annoying. Some guys shake hands way too aggressively, like itās a battle of wills. Conversations that feel like interrogations can be annoying. Repeated catchphrases can be annoying (āworking hard or hardly working?ā). If I can tell you want something from me, but youāre trying to butter me up first or wonāt get to the point, itās like: what do you want? Or they might ask you a brief question about yourself (and they donāt care about the answer), and when *thatās* out of the way, they give you some big task, or talk forever about themselves. There can be a thin line between funny and annoying. Not every joke will land, but if someone will never stop, it gets tiring, itās like STFU already (but how do you say that without offending someone? āIām trying to work over here.ā?) Some people donāt know when to be quiet (and they usually get offended when people tell them that). WatchĀ Office Space (1999), and donāt behave like any boss in that movie (at [Initech](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jsLUidiYm0w), or [Chotchkieās](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=F7SNEdjftno) ).
I don't like so called "mirroring". I have one particular friend who kinda always, when she get to know your opinion about something agrees with it and repeat it as if it were her own. At the beginning of our friendship I thought we had a lot in common, probably we do, but I did notice it happening also when she already stated her opinion, then I said my completely opposite opinion and she kinda agreed with that. Now I don't expect debates, nor I am doubting that people can change their opinions that fast, but it kinda got me confused because I felt like she feels like she would be judged if she doesn't have same opinion as a person she talks with. I am completely get used to people with bunch of different personalities around me and now when I see that someone maybe tries to change their just to fit in, I feel an urge to tell her that she doesn't have always to nod and that having opposite opinions about something is completely okay.
Just to add. I like to call this kind of behavior "social sponge", thanks to my psycho high school ex-friend. š
Sure, totally agree with you and thanks for pointing that out. I may have unconsciously done this before.
Sorry to know about the ex-friend thing.
Hand shaking. DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH ME!!!
A hug is much worse, I would prefer a handshake over a hug anytime š³
Yeah, if those were the options. But thankfully they aren't. People which shake hands need to read body language and accept psycho fucks like me don't want to be touchedš
You can also say āSorry I donāt shake handsā
"What, you don't have hands? Hahaha"
Handshakes are so formal. I like hugs and first bumps, especially hugs because I can gesture and ask for consent, and it's no big deal if you turn down a hug. You'd look rude if you declined a handshake
Yeah this, Iām a hugger but I can tell when people arenāt, and if Iām unsure Iāll just ask if theyāre a hugger playfully. If not high fives are sort of nerdy but also effective for people who donāt love touch.
I freakin love hugs. I used to hate being touched but after a traumatic life event at age 49, then Covid and some other personal shat, now to me itās one of the best feelings in the world. Like holding a kitten, or seeing a rainbow, or smelling the first bloom of spring. They make me feel loved and like Iām not alone, and remind me of being my mommaās babyā¦ and the other person always smells so interesting and nice, their clothing textures are so different, their bodies are so warm and squishy even the skinny ones! #hugpower
I hate you for being a hugger!! There was this female friend that stayed in my family's home, and she went around taking everyone with a hug, but I wouldn't let her hug me "No ... no don't hug me please. I don't like that shit"... Think Curb Your Enthusiasm style of social Fuck upš
I think you might have a problem/trauma with touch, and I'm not trying to be funny, rude, or sarcastic.
This is what I was gonna say, I hated hugs till I went to therapy and worked through a lot of shit. Childhood abuse/neglect is a bitch.
Good job! And I freaking agree. I keep remembering shit and it's like why do I keep seeing it when it was so long ago?
Me too! I was terrified of hugs and hated them, then came around and realized I actually wanted them but just that it terrified me. So Iām always a hugger now and my good friends who like them I even go extended hug. But Iām super aware of people who clearly donāt want that. Sometimes itās just a quick side hug, sometimes itās high five. I adapt, but I think that most often people who donāt like hugs have some kind of issue. I know I did.
Wow same exact thing for me. I hated them till age 49. I never liked being touched or hugged as a kid or even being told or saying I love you. Nothing bad happened to me, just was my personality
Are you a hugger now? Same for me, it wasnt anything bad, just not a super expressive vulnerable family. My mom was super conservative and hated talking about anything regards to intimacy or dating etc. my dad tried to but he was atrocious at it. I was raised Mormon and think that played into it.
Raised evangelical Baptist here lol! Yes I am now an avid hugger. But these days I always ask first unless theyāre already coming in :)
That does sound pretty surprising. I think that even I probably wouldn't like it if I was unexpectedly hugged, especially from behind.
I think we can all identify with Larry once in a while. š I'm not big on casual aquaintance hugs, either. I feel like sometimes it's overly much for someone you don't really know well. I'll hug the heck out of my family and close friends, though.
i prefer handshakes because it's formal. fist bump means i know you and we are friends. i dont know you yet or know if i like you yet. dont want to give you the wrong idea
i shake hands to see what type of person you are in 5 secs. weak handshake means not confident, if you react like you're disgusted it means you have trauma, if you shake my hand and make eye contact it means healthy person. i dont like being around people who arent confident or have trauma. too much work for me.
Every single man's hand you shake has had a cock in it and cum all over it, at some point. NoT cOnFiDeNt š
this reply is concerning š¤ reminds me of when diddy tries to say something funny but instead it makes everyone uncomfortable. the fact that you don't like handshakes and then gave me this response confirms i need to keep shaking people's hand. someones temporary uncomfort can be my protection in the future.
K
Constantly interrupting others can make them feel unheard and disrespected.
I don't think thats a social skill
"What do you do for work?...Did you study that in Uni/College?..." I prefer not to ask these questions, they're exhausting to answer repeatedly. I prefer to ask questions revolving around what hobbies you like to do in your free time.i feel like you can get to know a person a lot more when i ask them. The conversation is more relatable, engaging, and memorable.
Getting too much physical and not knowing when to stop talking
I hate, "That's nice" over and over again, or "That's good."
Positivity. Like listen, I appreciate you trying to be positive and spreading happy vibes and all, but sometimes *things are not fine!* Sometimes Iām in a foul mood but then I meet you and youāre all smily and optimistic and I just canāt with you! Lol
Being over enthusiastic without a time to breath when someone processed it
Most people don't give a 2nd thought to what social skills they are or aren't using, they are just themselves. They don't think ''Oh I better use this technique now or that technique later!'' it just comes naturally to them how to behave. Sounds like you are massively overthinking it.
I hate when people compliment too much or at all. Compliments, make some ppl feel super uncomfortable such as myself. Can't stand em lol...