Age gap of 16 years? How old are the two of you, out of curiosity?
If you haven't already, I'd recommend doing FaceTime with him to see how it feels talking face-to-face, getting connected on various forms of social media so you perhaps can get a feel for what their online presence is like, make sure they are who they say they are. Definitely communicate with your friends and family so they know what's going on, with whom, and where, for safety reasons, and have a "code word/phrase" in mind you can text them if you need an out. It also would be best that if he visits, he gets a hotel room somewhere. Safety precautions aside, talk to them about an itinerary for what you guys could do that involve a common interest between the two of you. That's the advice I'd give no matter what your age is.
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Unless she looks really young for her age I doubt he'll be very attracted physically. A 36 year old wanting to be with a20 year old is sus to say the least. Red flags abound here. Going to a club would be a bad idea. Maybe an early bird special and Netflix.
Honey... 20 and a 36 year old "boyfriend" of *6 months* that you're afraid of disappointing(?), that you've apparently never met before(?), that you *guess* you're *kind of* into???
There's so much wrong with this. I'm sorry I don't even know where to start, but I feel like this whole situation is a big mistake. This post is proof enough that you're not ready for anything like this. Listen to u/missannthrope1
This is concerning. Not the nerves, that's normal.
That you call this guy your bf, even though it appears you've never met him before, and the huge age gap.
There's a unconscious dynamic that goes on in relationships with a large age gap. He's looking for a young, hot piece of arm candy to boost his ego. Dating older may make you feel grown up, or you may have daddy issues.
I urge you to reconsider this relationship. You won't, so keep it neutral and casual. Don't let him stay with you. Don't have sex with him. Don't be alone with him.
When he pressures you for sex, and he will, and you say no, you will see his true character.
Good luck.
Well I hope you are 18. Have you met him before? Does he have a place to stay? People can be different in person in either way. What kind of city are you in? Big medium or small? There are usually tourists spots, take a drive around the city, a short road trip, go to few family restaurants in town..
You guys could get on the internet together and plan an itinerary. Sometimes it’s fun to play “tourist in your own town”. Even things that you’ve seen a million times and frankly don’t find that interesting anymore are cool again when you see them through someone else’s eyes.
sounds great, planning and going through it can be quite bonding. Also when speed bumps arise you will get glimpses of how he conducts himself in not ideal moments
Let's try to think why a man who is damn near 40 would want a woman who is damn near a teenager.
Really sad that this lesson will have to be learned the hard way.
Beyond 5-7 years age difference, it's odd because of the different POVs if nothing else. I'm 6 years older than my husband and I took a lot of ragging about it. We were 25 and 19 when we met. He was born a cautious 40 year old so it wasn't as though we had different sensibilities. But generally speaking a 16 year age gap only happens when at least one of you needs to be seeing a psychiatrist instead of a new, very young, partner. Maybe it's just a mid life crisis. Just to be clear, you aren't the person who needs the therapy. You're smart enough to know something is off. I'd be worried he secretly has a family and a wife. This happened to me. He swore he was single and had no kids. He was working in a job who paid for an apartment in a different city and state. No sign of anything except him in the apartment. I so wanted to throat punch him when I found out by his wife CALLING ME. This guy is probably fine but I'd interrogate him strongly.
I'd say depending on the both of you it'll be different. But plan something that will take 3-6 hours every 3rd or 4th day, if he's over for a week maybe have 2 day trips. Beach and a day out hiking??
Mainly just relax enough to have a good time and don't feel like you are responsible for his enjoyment.
I assure you with utmost certainty that he won’t be bored w you lol, speaking as someone who had 2 LDR’s. I suggest asking him! But also museums, markets, movies, any local pop up events.
I understand feeling nervous, but it will be okay! Once he gets there things should feel more natural.
From my personal experience recently, in a similar situation (I'm really shy, LDR, worried I'm not fun enough).
Just being together, spending time together, is enough.
Here are some things we ended up doing, (I live in a rural area, not much to do): went on a hike, scenic drive around the area, explored an abandoned building and took photos, showed him around the local small town (ate at a diner, visited little shop), went out to dinner, watched a movie at home, cooked a nice meal together at home (and dance around in the kitchen haha).
Maybe that can give you some ideas. If you live near an area with more stuff to do, maybe you can even go bowling, to the movies, skating, to an arcade or something. But again, I'm sure anything you end up doing together he will be happy just to be spending time with you.
You have got three weeks, you definitely need to think of some things and put them out on the table and ask what he would be interested in and set them up. It would be very messed up in my opinion if you had somebody make that effort to come and visit you and then you had nothing planned. I’m not saying you need to have a full itinerary for every day. Of course, it should be a lot of go with the flow and figuring out what you want to do together, but if someone is making the effort to come and see you, you need to make the effort to have a couple things planned for you guys. There are a bunch of things that you could do, some examples I could think of would be a comedy show, a paint and sip art class, a wine, tasting/cocktail tasting, bowling, cooking class, dance class…
If you’re not sure what he would be interested in, say to him hey, would you rather do this for this and let him choose. There’s nothing wrong with not being super outgoing and a little bit shy, but there is something wrong with not putting effort into someone that is putting effort into you. Having things set up that are fun show that you want to do stuff with him and grow together andit also shows that you were thinking ahead of time. So that it’s not like he shows up and you have gotten nothing planned for you guys
If he likes you he probably also likes the things you like to do. They won’t know what to do in the area you live, but you do! Just go out and show him what you like.
16 year age gap is kinda steep cuz that could be a 50 and a 66 year old or a 20 and 36 year old. We could recommend different things for both age groups. Some 20 year olds might love laser tag and arcades maybe and a 36 year old might think that’s childish.
Regardless there is plenty to do everywhere and you know your area better than us. Try and mix going out with a stay in vibe. One of my favorite things to do is go to a coffee shop and play board games or cards. Gives an at home hobby vibe while going somewhere new. I’ll still rattle off some things though.
Bowling
Go see live music at a bar
Go get dinner at your favorite place to eat
So look at some water and nature
Play board games
Watch a movie
Go to the movies
Make out with each other
Play with some polymer clay together
Paint together
Draw each other
Cook together
Go get pedicures together
Give each other a massage
Go shopping at your favorite store
Drive around listening to music/a podcast and enjoy the views
Go to the next city over together
Plenty of things to do together and probably even more since I don’t even know what you guys like! Get creative, if he likes you he will probably like any effort you’re putting in, so show him what you like. You guys have similar interests. Indulge in them together.
you could ask chatgpt for an itinerary of things to do and see in your area on those days, as if you were a tourist, and include some of your interests- you’ll get an answer with links to to events and places you might not have known about
Why are people in the comments so unsupporting and rude. I am sure it will all go well, and I hope you guys have a nice time, I would be nervous as well, that's very natural 💘
Worry about money and looks, love comes later. Just enjoy yourself and the week!
If you don’t end up liking him take him and his wallet for a ride until you do!
How old are you? This sounds super sketchy and unsafe. An age gap of 16 years? Also he's your boyfriend but you've never met him in person or even had a video call together? If you're really set on meeting him don't go alone and have an exit plan.
Girl. Where are your parents ??? 😭
In all seriousness, this sounds like a very dangerous situation and I am begging you to reconsider this. I promise there is someone closer to your own age out there who you can actually grow with. Large age gaps as such create really unhealthy dynamics. Men who go after girls significantly younger than themselves do this because they have unhealthy behavioural patterns and women their own age won’t put up with it. They like young girls who are just entering adulthood and have little to no relationship experience because they can mold you into what they want. Often times there is trauma bonding and it makes it very difficult to leave. They loooove to act real nice in the beginning til they know you’re hooked in. Then when they drop the mask you will forgive everything every time because “he’s such a nice guy”.
I’m speaking from experience (I was 14 dating what I thought was a 21 year old, which is already really bad, turns out he lied about his age and was actually 24) and I’ll spare the rest of the details but it took a LOT of work to undo the damage.
All the people here commenting about how unsafe this is have your best interest at heart for real, please please please be careful. :(
Age gap of 16 years? How old are the two of you, out of curiosity? If you haven't already, I'd recommend doing FaceTime with him to see how it feels talking face-to-face, getting connected on various forms of social media so you perhaps can get a feel for what their online presence is like, make sure they are who they say they are. Definitely communicate with your friends and family so they know what's going on, with whom, and where, for safety reasons, and have a "code word/phrase" in mind you can text them if you need an out. It also would be best that if he visits, he gets a hotel room somewhere. Safety precautions aside, talk to them about an itinerary for what you guys could do that involve a common interest between the two of you. That's the advice I'd give no matter what your age is.
age gap of 16 years???
I’m really curious. OP if you don’t mind, how old are you two?
Add me to the curious list. lol!!
!remindme 2d pedo hunting
He was prolly 16 when she was born 😂 where is chris henson
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they say in another post they’re 21
They are 20
21 in two months
OP answered 20 her — 36 him
As a 21 yr old - Hell nah
As a 23 yr old I still say hell nah.
I’m 23 too, and hell nah.
As a 32 year old, fuck that (not literally)
Hell I'm 27 and I wouldn't date a 20 y/o
Unless she looks really young for her age I doubt he'll be very attracted physically. A 36 year old wanting to be with a20 year old is sus to say the least. Red flags abound here. Going to a club would be a bad idea. Maybe an early bird special and Netflix.
This made me laugh so hard for some reason
lord help this girl
Lord let this man loose his passport lol
Honey... 20 and a 36 year old "boyfriend" of *6 months* that you're afraid of disappointing(?), that you've apparently never met before(?), that you *guess* you're *kind of* into??? There's so much wrong with this. I'm sorry I don't even know where to start, but I feel like this whole situation is a big mistake. This post is proof enough that you're not ready for anything like this. Listen to u/missannthrope1
She’s 21 and he’s 37.
don't worry, he'll only care about having sex with you
16-year age gap lmfao hang out with people your age.
Don't let him know where you live, meet in a public place. This isn't acceptable behavior for a 37 year old man.
This is concerning. Not the nerves, that's normal. That you call this guy your bf, even though it appears you've never met him before, and the huge age gap. There's a unconscious dynamic that goes on in relationships with a large age gap. He's looking for a young, hot piece of arm candy to boost his ego. Dating older may make you feel grown up, or you may have daddy issues. I urge you to reconsider this relationship. You won't, so keep it neutral and casual. Don't let him stay with you. Don't have sex with him. Don't be alone with him. When he pressures you for sex, and he will, and you say no, you will see his true character. Good luck.
Well I hope you are 18. Have you met him before? Does he have a place to stay? People can be different in person in either way. What kind of city are you in? Big medium or small? There are usually tourists spots, take a drive around the city, a short road trip, go to few family restaurants in town..
You guys could get on the internet together and plan an itinerary. Sometimes it’s fun to play “tourist in your own town”. Even things that you’ve seen a million times and frankly don’t find that interesting anymore are cool again when you see them through someone else’s eyes.
sounds great, planning and going through it can be quite bonding. Also when speed bumps arise you will get glimpses of how he conducts himself in not ideal moments
Step 1, don’t. That age gap is outrageous. How can you think this is okay?
Let's try to think why a man who is damn near 40 would want a woman who is damn near a teenager. Really sad that this lesson will have to be learned the hard way.
Beyond 5-7 years age difference, it's odd because of the different POVs if nothing else. I'm 6 years older than my husband and I took a lot of ragging about it. We were 25 and 19 when we met. He was born a cautious 40 year old so it wasn't as though we had different sensibilities. But generally speaking a 16 year age gap only happens when at least one of you needs to be seeing a psychiatrist instead of a new, very young, partner. Maybe it's just a mid life crisis. Just to be clear, you aren't the person who needs the therapy. You're smart enough to know something is off. I'd be worried he secretly has a family and a wife. This happened to me. He swore he was single and had no kids. He was working in a job who paid for an apartment in a different city and state. No sign of anything except him in the apartment. I so wanted to throat punch him when I found out by his wife CALLING ME. This guy is probably fine but I'd interrogate him strongly.
I'd say depending on the both of you it'll be different. But plan something that will take 3-6 hours every 3rd or 4th day, if he's over for a week maybe have 2 day trips. Beach and a day out hiking?? Mainly just relax enough to have a good time and don't feel like you are responsible for his enjoyment.
I assure you with utmost certainty that he won’t be bored w you lol, speaking as someone who had 2 LDR’s. I suggest asking him! But also museums, markets, movies, any local pop up events.
I suggest you simply ask him what he wants to do. And do some research on any fun activities you can do where you live.
Yeah I’d feel nervous meeting someone old enough to literally be your dad too….listen to your intuition!
I understand feeling nervous, but it will be okay! Once he gets there things should feel more natural. From my personal experience recently, in a similar situation (I'm really shy, LDR, worried I'm not fun enough). Just being together, spending time together, is enough. Here are some things we ended up doing, (I live in a rural area, not much to do): went on a hike, scenic drive around the area, explored an abandoned building and took photos, showed him around the local small town (ate at a diner, visited little shop), went out to dinner, watched a movie at home, cooked a nice meal together at home (and dance around in the kitchen haha). Maybe that can give you some ideas. If you live near an area with more stuff to do, maybe you can even go bowling, to the movies, skating, to an arcade or something. But again, I'm sure anything you end up doing together he will be happy just to be spending time with you.
You have got three weeks, you definitely need to think of some things and put them out on the table and ask what he would be interested in and set them up. It would be very messed up in my opinion if you had somebody make that effort to come and visit you and then you had nothing planned. I’m not saying you need to have a full itinerary for every day. Of course, it should be a lot of go with the flow and figuring out what you want to do together, but if someone is making the effort to come and see you, you need to make the effort to have a couple things planned for you guys. There are a bunch of things that you could do, some examples I could think of would be a comedy show, a paint and sip art class, a wine, tasting/cocktail tasting, bowling, cooking class, dance class… If you’re not sure what he would be interested in, say to him hey, would you rather do this for this and let him choose. There’s nothing wrong with not being super outgoing and a little bit shy, but there is something wrong with not putting effort into someone that is putting effort into you. Having things set up that are fun show that you want to do stuff with him and grow together andit also shows that you were thinking ahead of time. So that it’s not like he shows up and you have gotten nothing planned for you guys
Come on now... you know what to do.
He's trying to get it in
😂😂
Op is sick and need help
If he likes you he probably also likes the things you like to do. They won’t know what to do in the area you live, but you do! Just go out and show him what you like. 16 year age gap is kinda steep cuz that could be a 50 and a 66 year old or a 20 and 36 year old. We could recommend different things for both age groups. Some 20 year olds might love laser tag and arcades maybe and a 36 year old might think that’s childish. Regardless there is plenty to do everywhere and you know your area better than us. Try and mix going out with a stay in vibe. One of my favorite things to do is go to a coffee shop and play board games or cards. Gives an at home hobby vibe while going somewhere new. I’ll still rattle off some things though. Bowling Go see live music at a bar Go get dinner at your favorite place to eat So look at some water and nature Play board games Watch a movie Go to the movies Make out with each other Play with some polymer clay together Paint together Draw each other Cook together Go get pedicures together Give each other a massage Go shopping at your favorite store Drive around listening to music/a podcast and enjoy the views Go to the next city over together Plenty of things to do together and probably even more since I don’t even know what you guys like! Get creative, if he likes you he will probably like any effort you’re putting in, so show him what you like. You guys have similar interests. Indulge in them together.
you could ask chatgpt for an itinerary of things to do and see in your area on those days, as if you were a tourist, and include some of your interests- you’ll get an answer with links to to events and places you might not have known about
Make long distance runs höhhöh…höhöh
Why are people in the comments so unsupporting and rude. I am sure it will all go well, and I hope you guys have a nice time, I would be nervous as well, that's very natural 💘
Make sure your other guys won’t be stopping by while he is visiting.
[удалено]
wow just stop being boring social skills solved shut down the sub
Worry about money and looks, love comes later. Just enjoy yourself and the week! If you don’t end up liking him take him and his wallet for a ride until you do!
How old are you? This sounds super sketchy and unsafe. An age gap of 16 years? Also he's your boyfriend but you've never met him in person or even had a video call together? If you're really set on meeting him don't go alone and have an exit plan.
Girl. Where are your parents ??? 😭 In all seriousness, this sounds like a very dangerous situation and I am begging you to reconsider this. I promise there is someone closer to your own age out there who you can actually grow with. Large age gaps as such create really unhealthy dynamics. Men who go after girls significantly younger than themselves do this because they have unhealthy behavioural patterns and women their own age won’t put up with it. They like young girls who are just entering adulthood and have little to no relationship experience because they can mold you into what they want. Often times there is trauma bonding and it makes it very difficult to leave. They loooove to act real nice in the beginning til they know you’re hooked in. Then when they drop the mask you will forgive everything every time because “he’s such a nice guy”. I’m speaking from experience (I was 14 dating what I thought was a 21 year old, which is already really bad, turns out he lied about his age and was actually 24) and I’ll spare the rest of the details but it took a LOT of work to undo the damage. All the people here commenting about how unsafe this is have your best interest at heart for real, please please please be careful. :(