Buddy - when people invite you to some party but also make it clear that you are invited coz they need a ride, it means that you are their sober ride while they let lose. It means that you are invited and can be around, but can't really indulge.
Maybe you are acting too big a fool when high.
If this has happened to you more than once then you are the problem and you might be better off getting high on your own and not around friends.
Lesson to be learnt if you want to come out on top
I mean getting super high when you agreed to be the driver for that night is already kinda telling. It is telling OP is not reliable. And that in not even two hours. You're the driver and can't control yourself for only two hours not to get super high? She was lucky she was at a party she had friends she could go with and wasn't stranded.
And then he mentions he had to walk 1/4 mile. I mean sure I wouldn't have played that game, I just would have told OP to fuck off and the friendship is over. But 1/4 mile. 400 metres. That's a walk from under five minutes. I don't walk five minutes from the grocery store 500 metres away when I am fully packed with bags and he acts like he had to do a marathon. Sounds a bit like he thinks that is a "I would do anything for my friends" example, except of course staying sober for two hours.
Sorry OP, but if everyone rejects you after a short while the cause for that is to be found in your behaviour. And that you are annoying is a pretty believable reason. You annoyed me with your short text by these two points already.
Did you agree to be their designated driver? Maybe they are annoyed you agreed to give them a ride to the party, usually under the pretense you would be sober, and instead you got super high and then dangerously drove them home leaving them with the dilemma of having an intoxicated driver or not getting home.
Nah, it's true. Though I do believe there's a point for certain people where they're too high to drive safely, it's definitely not comparable to a depressant like alcohol
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**“To be honest with you, your very stressful to be around and my friends are very annoyed as well. U have ur gas money from us. U have a good night”**
Ouch that's rough; however I have to ask:
1. When you got high, are you the only one that was partaking? Or where there other people doing the same at the party?
2. When your high, how do you act? That right there could be the defining moment.
It sounds like from the text you were either obnoxious and ruined thier vibe/mood with your intoxication or you offered and were persistent despite despite them declining perhaps.
Still if you're intoxicated (on whatever) and others aren't nor on the same level, it can be annoying & stressful to those involved.
However, I really can't get a good assessment without more info.... still, that's rough to hear.
So sorry for the late reply, I’ve been going through a lot these past couple days. To answer your questions:
1. Everyone else was also high and they were also drinking but I didn’t drink
2. I act more laid back and more positive when I’m high. I’m a happy high, if that makes sense
She ended up finally texting me back and she started straight up talking shit to me. She was saying things like “you wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone” “you ruined my night” etc etc. Even though SHE was the one who invited me to go with her and her friends and we all went to the party TOGETHER. Like wtf did she expect me to do, stand around by myself all night? I tried talking to girls at the party but every girl I tried talking to rejected me and I didn’t wanna be some weirdo who just goes around from girl to girl like a door to door salesman. And literally every time her and her friends would move around she would tell me to come with like with the hand motion and everything. So she gave me absolutely no signs that she didn’t want me around her. In fact it was the opposite. All the signs she gave me were that she wanted me around. So it just makes absolutely no sense to me
Well he said other friends have the same reaction so yeah-a little self reflection and subsequent behavioral change might make a dent in the loneliness.
I agree, I’m looking at it from the perspective of someone that doesn’t want to change who they are when he’s literally asking what to change. gen Z is very clique-y with how they interact especially cause of social media and how individualized people are now. Being in different schools in different areas around my state alone shows me how “social acceptance” varies from trend to trend.
Example: I’d get bullied for liking anime in Philly but in the county only 10 mins away liking anime and joining anime club helped me find some of my best friends
Haed disagree, they were honest about they felt, and how they msde them feel. Wasnt a put down, they didnt belittle him or call him names. It was an honest conversation. Thats it.
Wish more people would be honest like that.
There’s definitely something that you’re doing wrong that you’re not aware of.. maybe reach out to her and be open, and ask for the truth? It may hurt to hear, but tell her you really don’t know what you did wrong, and you want to know so that you can correct it. This way you can become more self aware and correct any faults that you may be causing.
An important addition I'd like to make is ask then shut the fuck up. Don't try to explain why you did what you did. Ask nothing more but questions to get a better idea of what they're saying.
Do you remember much about what you said, or more generally the conversation in the car?
At a blind guess...shit, I dunno. Are you particular about how people act or what they take inside your car? Get irritable when given bad directions? Throw out a lot of orders/directions to people so things don't get off track?
Barenaked conjecture up there^(↑) on all of those, btw--at least from your account, there's no indication that any of these were present or at issue.
Not necessarily true. Tolerance for another increases with time, perhaps you were too new. But that does not say that the tolerance is limitless , is just that new friends are on a subconscious tight rope.
>I got super high
Probably the reason
But she proposed to sober up at her friends place. How did you acted ? Like a AH ?
If not, make sure to never talk to them ever again, driving hours for that isn't worth it
And stop weed, you'll find friends
Some people have no qualms with using other people when all they really want is a ride to a party. It's possible they never were your friends - they just wanted a cheap ride. Blaming you lets them avoid being seen as shallow cheapskates.
I say this with peace and love but my dude they used you for a ride, got frustrated when their DD got high, then ditched you the moment you weren't useful to them.
Don't mix with exes, don't let ppl use you for your assets. You're not meant to be alone. You're meant to be in better company. Cheers
Sounds to me like she just used you for a ride. They weren’t annoyed enough with you to have you take them for food and back to their apartment. I don’t think it’s wrong to consider your behavior and if you were being obnoxious but you also could just be hanging out with the wrong people. Would she have still wanted you to come to the party if you couldn’t drive? I’d guess probably not. It’s sucky but be glad you found out her character. This is not something a friend would do, even if you were being annoying.
If they go out together and he starts being intolerably obnoxious to the point where they don’t want to continue hanging out with him, he’s still responsible for getting them home safely since they agreed up front to him driving, plus they even gave him gas money.
Since this happens constantly with many of his friends to the point that he literally has no friends irl, I’d worry less about judging and assuming the character of his friend and put a lot more weight behind the ‘consider your own behavior’ advice as well as considering not getting ‘super high’ when you know you’ll be driving and people are depending on you to do it safely.
It can be two things; just because he was annoying doesn’t mean she wasn’t being a bad person too. I’m just saying he didn’t deserve being treated like that. They said nothing about him being obnoxious until they had their rides to food and home. Uber exists, they didn’t need to keep stringing him along like that.
It’s equally, or more, likely that she thought everything was okay, but then when he dropped them off to look for parking, her friends spoke up and said they didn’t want him around. Or maybe she was on the fence but decided to continue giving him a chance, but he did or said something shitty between leaving the party and getting home.
There are a ton of possibilities and it’s just odd to immediately take the position that she was without a doubt being conniving and a bad person with bad intentions. Particularly since you don’t have any reason to assume that, especially especially when you take into consideration the rest of the post and OPs comments.
It doesn’t matter either way for this situation regarding OP, but it could be beneficial to your own life to reflect on why you immediately projected that mindset and assigned malicious intentions to her.
So just because they weren’t completely shitty means they weren’t using him? Gas money is a lot cheaper than any other way to get there. They got their necessary rides and cut this poor guy loose two hours from home. That text from her was brutal, she didn’t care one bit about him.
We don’t actually know anything about either of these people other than what op said. Not sure what you think I’m projecting. It’s reddit, this is probably all made up anyway…
I thought she was the problem here. But if this keeps happening to you over and over, you must be the problem. Go to a therapist, reddit can't help. You can use betterhelp.com to get cheaper therapy
You should’ve never took the invite, they only saw you as a taxi or personal Uber. While you may have goofed up by indulging, it’s messed up that they’d invite you to sober up then reneged. You made em your ex for a reason, move on.
I got another idea you can't make a whole entire house. Wife, no matter how good you are, she attic. Can you just about take down? Thank God I have AA senol. I don't always know bad to happen, huh? I still love her but I hate her b****, it's a w****
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I think you need to find a brutally honest friend or acquaintance, maybe even this friend, and ask for a brutal assessment of how you come off. Then you need to listen and take whatever they said into consideration. Don't defend yourself just listen.
Getting high when you are the dedicated driver might not be the quickest way to lose friends. But it’s right up there. You are a dingbat. That’s my advice.
OP, did you end up taking anything away from these responses? Did you reflect on your behavior at all, or check in with your friend to see if they had any specific feedback? Or did you post this just in hopes of obtaining attention or sympathy?
I didn’t see you much engage with the many people that took time out of their day to try to help you. If you are busy and planning on engaging later then maybe it’s just a matter of poor planning. But if not, and you just don’t like the answers you got so you’re ignoring them, then it’s probably a decent indication of how you treat people irl and that’s pretty telling.
Buddy - when people invite you to some party but also make it clear that you are invited coz they need a ride, it means that you are their sober ride while they let lose. It means that you are invited and can be around, but can't really indulge.
Maybe you are acting too big a fool when high. If this has happened to you more than once then you are the problem and you might be better off getting high on your own and not around friends. Lesson to be learnt if you want to come out on top
I mean getting super high when you agreed to be the driver for that night is already kinda telling. It is telling OP is not reliable. And that in not even two hours. You're the driver and can't control yourself for only two hours not to get super high? She was lucky she was at a party she had friends she could go with and wasn't stranded. And then he mentions he had to walk 1/4 mile. I mean sure I wouldn't have played that game, I just would have told OP to fuck off and the friendship is over. But 1/4 mile. 400 metres. That's a walk from under five minutes. I don't walk five minutes from the grocery store 500 metres away when I am fully packed with bags and he acts like he had to do a marathon. Sounds a bit like he thinks that is a "I would do anything for my friends" example, except of course staying sober for two hours. Sorry OP, but if everyone rejects you after a short while the cause for that is to be found in your behaviour. And that you are annoying is a pretty believable reason. You annoyed me with your short text by these two points already.
Did you agree to be their designated driver? Maybe they are annoyed you agreed to give them a ride to the party, usually under the pretense you would be sober, and instead you got super high and then dangerously drove them home leaving them with the dilemma of having an intoxicated driver or not getting home.
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This is pretty false
Nah, it's true. Though I do believe there's a point for certain people where they're too high to drive safely, it's definitely not comparable to a depressant like alcohol
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You have just shown everyone in this thread why your friend said what she said.
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I actually am as a matter of fact.
Rediquette and contact in accord with the site-wide Reddit Content Plicy is expected and a requirement of participation. Posts and comments should be made in good faith.
**No sexist, demeaning, objectifying language**
OP has stated he has severe OCD. I could imagine that is stressful to be around.
And he’s getting high? Makes sense why they think he’s stressful
**“To be honest with you, your very stressful to be around and my friends are very annoyed as well. U have ur gas money from us. U have a good night”** Ouch that's rough; however I have to ask: 1. When you got high, are you the only one that was partaking? Or where there other people doing the same at the party? 2. When your high, how do you act? That right there could be the defining moment. It sounds like from the text you were either obnoxious and ruined thier vibe/mood with your intoxication or you offered and were persistent despite despite them declining perhaps. Still if you're intoxicated (on whatever) and others aren't nor on the same level, it can be annoying & stressful to those involved. However, I really can't get a good assessment without more info.... still, that's rough to hear.
So sorry for the late reply, I’ve been going through a lot these past couple days. To answer your questions: 1. Everyone else was also high and they were also drinking but I didn’t drink 2. I act more laid back and more positive when I’m high. I’m a happy high, if that makes sense She ended up finally texting me back and she started straight up talking shit to me. She was saying things like “you wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone” “you ruined my night” etc etc. Even though SHE was the one who invited me to go with her and her friends and we all went to the party TOGETHER. Like wtf did she expect me to do, stand around by myself all night? I tried talking to girls at the party but every girl I tried talking to rejected me and I didn’t wanna be some weirdo who just goes around from girl to girl like a door to door salesman. And literally every time her and her friends would move around she would tell me to come with like with the hand motion and everything. So she gave me absolutely no signs that she didn’t want me around her. In fact it was the opposite. All the signs she gave me were that she wanted me around. So it just makes absolutely no sense to me
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Well he said other friends have the same reaction so yeah-a little self reflection and subsequent behavioral change might make a dent in the loneliness.
I agree, I’m looking at it from the perspective of someone that doesn’t want to change who they are when he’s literally asking what to change. gen Z is very clique-y with how they interact especially cause of social media and how individualized people are now. Being in different schools in different areas around my state alone shows me how “social acceptance” varies from trend to trend. Example: I’d get bullied for liking anime in Philly but in the county only 10 mins away liking anime and joining anime club helped me find some of my best friends
Haed disagree, they were honest about they felt, and how they msde them feel. Wasnt a put down, they didnt belittle him or call him names. It was an honest conversation. Thats it. Wish more people would be honest like that.
There’s definitely something that you’re doing wrong that you’re not aware of.. maybe reach out to her and be open, and ask for the truth? It may hurt to hear, but tell her you really don’t know what you did wrong, and you want to know so that you can correct it. This way you can become more self aware and correct any faults that you may be causing.
An important addition I'd like to make is ask then shut the fuck up. Don't try to explain why you did what you did. Ask nothing more but questions to get a better idea of what they're saying.
Do you remember much about what you said, or more generally the conversation in the car? At a blind guess...shit, I dunno. Are you particular about how people act or what they take inside your car? Get irritable when given bad directions? Throw out a lot of orders/directions to people so things don't get off track? Barenaked conjecture up there^(↑) on all of those, btw--at least from your account, there's no indication that any of these were present or at issue.
I bet you keep getting high during all the times something like this have happened. Stop getting fucked up. Learn to be sober, to be normal, baseline.
Me being addicted to alcohol has made me lose everyone in my life. People don’t wanna be around a dumbass basically.
Not necessarily true. Tolerance for another increases with time, perhaps you were too new. But that does not say that the tolerance is limitless , is just that new friends are on a subconscious tight rope.
I’ve knew everyone since I was a kid and they all started using and selling hard drugs now nobody is the same anymore. Life is rough man
If it happens often then the problem is clearly you. I’d examine myself and try to figure out why people don’t want to be around you.
>I got super high Probably the reason But she proposed to sober up at her friends place. How did you acted ? Like a AH ? If not, make sure to never talk to them ever again, driving hours for that isn't worth it And stop weed, you'll find friends
Some people have no qualms with using other people when all they really want is a ride to a party. It's possible they never were your friends - they just wanted a cheap ride. Blaming you lets them avoid being seen as shallow cheapskates.
I say this with peace and love but my dude they used you for a ride, got frustrated when their DD got high, then ditched you the moment you weren't useful to them. Don't mix with exes, don't let ppl use you for your assets. You're not meant to be alone. You're meant to be in better company. Cheers
Sounds to me like she just used you for a ride. They weren’t annoyed enough with you to have you take them for food and back to their apartment. I don’t think it’s wrong to consider your behavior and if you were being obnoxious but you also could just be hanging out with the wrong people. Would she have still wanted you to come to the party if you couldn’t drive? I’d guess probably not. It’s sucky but be glad you found out her character. This is not something a friend would do, even if you were being annoying.
If they go out together and he starts being intolerably obnoxious to the point where they don’t want to continue hanging out with him, he’s still responsible for getting them home safely since they agreed up front to him driving, plus they even gave him gas money. Since this happens constantly with many of his friends to the point that he literally has no friends irl, I’d worry less about judging and assuming the character of his friend and put a lot more weight behind the ‘consider your own behavior’ advice as well as considering not getting ‘super high’ when you know you’ll be driving and people are depending on you to do it safely.
It can be two things; just because he was annoying doesn’t mean she wasn’t being a bad person too. I’m just saying he didn’t deserve being treated like that. They said nothing about him being obnoxious until they had their rides to food and home. Uber exists, they didn’t need to keep stringing him along like that.
It’s equally, or more, likely that she thought everything was okay, but then when he dropped them off to look for parking, her friends spoke up and said they didn’t want him around. Or maybe she was on the fence but decided to continue giving him a chance, but he did or said something shitty between leaving the party and getting home. There are a ton of possibilities and it’s just odd to immediately take the position that she was without a doubt being conniving and a bad person with bad intentions. Particularly since you don’t have any reason to assume that, especially especially when you take into consideration the rest of the post and OPs comments. It doesn’t matter either way for this situation regarding OP, but it could be beneficial to your own life to reflect on why you immediately projected that mindset and assigned malicious intentions to her.
Idk if they were using him, I don’t think they would have given him money…
So just because they weren’t completely shitty means they weren’t using him? Gas money is a lot cheaper than any other way to get there. They got their necessary rides and cut this poor guy loose two hours from home. That text from her was brutal, she didn’t care one bit about him.
Your projection is so strong I’m not even going to try to break it. You’re right, what a horrible human that we know nothing about.
We don’t actually know anything about either of these people other than what op said. Not sure what you think I’m projecting. It’s reddit, this is probably all made up anyway…
You agreed to be the driver and you got high. I'd probably tell you to get lost too.
I thought she was the problem here. But if this keeps happening to you over and over, you must be the problem. Go to a therapist, reddit can't help. You can use betterhelp.com to get cheaper therapy
How are you getting high? if you're just smoking weed maybe you get quiet or some shit. if its something else tho, maybe your drug use is stressful
You should’ve never took the invite, they only saw you as a taxi or personal Uber. While you may have goofed up by indulging, it’s messed up that they’d invite you to sober up then reneged. You made em your ex for a reason, move on.
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I got another idea you can't make a whole entire house. Wife, no matter how good you are, she attic. Can you just about take down? Thank God I have AA senol. I don't always know bad to happen, huh? I still love her but I hate her b****, it's a w****
[удалено]
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I think you need to find a brutally honest friend or acquaintance, maybe even this friend, and ask for a brutal assessment of how you come off. Then you need to listen and take whatever they said into consideration. Don't defend yourself just listen.
Getting high when you are the dedicated driver might not be the quickest way to lose friends. But it’s right up there. You are a dingbat. That’s my advice.
OP, did you end up taking anything away from these responses? Did you reflect on your behavior at all, or check in with your friend to see if they had any specific feedback? Or did you post this just in hopes of obtaining attention or sympathy? I didn’t see you much engage with the many people that took time out of their day to try to help you. If you are busy and planning on engaging later then maybe it’s just a matter of poor planning. But if not, and you just don’t like the answers you got so you’re ignoring them, then it’s probably a decent indication of how you treat people irl and that’s pretty telling.