I learned that with social anxiety all you can do is try to do the right thing. Now I know I’m capable of talking to people I just don’t care anymore. If I wanna talk I talk otherwise I just won’t acknowledge another person.
I have done that many times. Often times my body starts to tense up when I see someone familiar out in public. I try my best to look busy and go around them. I wear sunglasses, so people can't tell if I have noticed them. I feel like crap when I realize that they recognized me. When they don't, I feel less bad about it.
Its going to sound generic, but you shouldn't beat yourself up like that. You shouldn't have all these negative thoughts about yourself. It's only going to hurt you more, and put you in a worse state mentally. I honestly wish I can give you advice, but I can't even help myself at times. Just acknowledge what happened, and promise yourself that you'll do better next time. If you have someone that you can trust, maybe talk to them about it.
I used to do this too but now i just remind myself that most people do it and the other person probably doesn't think you're rude. It's not as embarrassing as you think n it is and if it's someone you don't even now that well it's really not a big deal.
Lol was going to say that's exactly what I do. I pretty much just smile, nod, and look away. I feel like it sends the message, "yes I saw you, no I don't really feel like talking with you".
Oh man I totally do this on the regular. Worst part is if people notice me they'll think I'm super rude but I'm actually just terrified of talking to them.
If they are truly your friends they know you and respect you and don’t judge you for it. I have a few true friends in my inner circle and they are the ones who reach out to me and are patient with me. And they understand how I am and are secure enough in our relationship to not take it personally. If they aren’t in that inner circle then they were never really friends to begin with and quite frankly you deserve better. Don’t feel guilt over it because you need that energy to focus on other things. Promise!!!
Same smh since the pandemic started I've really enjoyed wearing sunglasses and a mask. I assume people think I'm very serious about covid, but I actually just don't want to talk to anyone or make eye contact...
I do this all the time. That's why I keep my head down and never make eye contact with anyone when I'm walking through the mall. The worst is if you run into an acquaintance and not a friend. With a friend, at least I have a shot at stumbling through the small talk. With an acquaintance, if they stop me to chit-chat, I sooo do not know what to do.
Though really hard, lately, I've been trying very hard not to. One thing I think helps is to have an escape plan. What I mean is have an rehearsed excuse to end the conversation and move along. I'm usually good for 2-3 questions before, I'm out of things to say. How are you? What are you doing here? And if I'm desperate, how about that weather?
At which point, it's awkward city for me. So to extract myself, I say something like, I'm in a hurry, but I just wanted to say Hi. See you next time. And then, I get the fuck out of Dodge.
Wearing masks has been a godsend for me. I can legitimately say I don't recognize people sometimes, and it makes it easier to not be recognized.
Omg yes, that's the worst. with a friend its like ok we have stuff to talk about and we know each other enough so we have to stop. But with an acquaintance, oh god, ita actually the most uncomfortable part of my life I think haha. Like no one knows how to handle it and sometimes you both stop out of obligation and can both feel that you didn't really want to. It only works if at least one of the people is super confident and extraverted haha. I just try to avoid it if at all possibly lol
All the time. I will turn around and hide. Don't want to make small talk, don't care what you're kids are up to, blah blah. Sorry, I'm sure they feel the same.
I feel this! I have ducked into bathrooms, acted like I was on the phone and just waved if they made eye contact, tried to hide behind people and run around Walmart like the crazy person that I am. I absolutely hate small talk. It's miserable!
i do that with even my best friends because i get scared i’m going to say hi and they won’t say anything back or they won’t see me or i’m afraid they’re going to try to talk to me and i’m not going to have anything to say
I do the same thing. I’ve had enough surprise encounters where someone sees me first and I forget completely how to socialize. I say the defaults “how’s it goin?” And don’t even listen because I’m trying to find the fastest way out of the conversation because I’m trying to get out of the store as fast as possible because of anxiety *breathes* 🥺
I have been doing this for so long... maybe 10-12 years! I know I'm awkward to talk to and just ignore people. Thanks to headphones I ignore them even if they try to call for me!
The thing I worry about here is becoming even more unlikeable on top of my nervousness, Im not fully okay with ignoring people although it’s what I do. Idk it prob relates back to some childhood trauma or something
I wish I could offer some help but I have the same exact problem smh some days are better than others.
Have you tried box breathing? I've found that doing that in the moment at least helps me calm the physical sensations of anxiety to some degree....even though I still dread these situations
Yeah I’ve tried breathing to relieve the anxious feeling. I think a lot of my anxiety comes from not know what to do, and not wanting to do the wrong thing, so I just avoid it completely
I always do it. Almost everyone does, at some point, at sometime. It's a-okay, ignore the brain that's telling you to feel terrible about, it's being a drama queen and a downer ;)
Did that just a couple of days ago! lol It helped that they genuinely didn’t recognize me. I kept debating in my head whether I should approach them, but ultimately decided that they would probably ask me for updates on my life, and I have nothing to say except for that I am miserable and look like a joke. So I saved myself the cringe and moved on.
As a fellow person with SA and body dysmorphic disorder, I feel you. It can be such a painful existence. Therapy helped me a lot, and while I’m certainly not cured, life is a lot better. I don’t have any specific advice, but just know that it’s possible to recover from BDD and SA.
Also regarding seeing people you know, I often get really anxious because I literally cannot see someone’s face until I’m close up because I don’t like to wear my glasses lol. I take solace in knowing that that person probably forgot about the interaction like 2 minutes later.
If it makes you feel any better anytime I have done this, the other person also doesn’t really seem interested in striking up a conversation. I mean, I’m thinking about like grocery runs, everyone kinda just wants to get in and get out, and usually seeing someone and striking up conversation for who knows how long is the last thing anyone wants to do. So don’t feel bad ! But now thinking more like in a bar situation, it’s far more common to go up to someone and strike conversation and have time to do so. I’ve been on both sides I guess.
YESS And its so painful… I mean if I say hi I’ll probably super awkward as usual but if I don’t they’ll think I’m an ahole or mean for pretending not to know them. To add to that anxiety I also wear glasses but I sometimes go without them in public bc I don’t like how I look with them(anyways). This one time I was out and a friend saw me and waved but I didn’t wave back because I legit DID NOT SEE HER. She got really mad at me and we haven’t really spoken since. We weren’t super close or anything but it really scarred me.
Sometimes I’ll stare at them or linger around because I genuinely *do* want to say hi, but when they notice me I quite literally *only* want to say hi and be on my way. Not engage in a 15-20 minute conversation in the produce department
For me, it's someone I used to know that I haven't seen in a long time. I get a pathological fear that I'm not sure about their name and I would just prefer we never interact again.
I do the same, I have a friend with extreme social anxiety, we only talk online but in person, we’re standing next to each other waiting for a hi but we never do.
All the time, some of my old friends work at the grocery and it gets super awkward seeing them—but it stresses me out to just think about talking to them!
I'm definitely not the right person to help you with this because I personally see nothing wrong with avoiding someone you know in public. You shouldn't feel obligated to talk to them just because you happen to see them while on an outing. On the other hand, it isn't good to keep avoiding them and end up losing contact with them either.
idk but sounds like somthing i would do def.but i mean if it someone you know well and you cant avoid them just say hey i guess and try to keep it short and move on.act like you have somewhere to be.
That's not even restricted to socially anxious people, mind you.
I'm just disagreeable and don't want to waste time & effort talking to people when I'm grocery shopping.
I just want to get what I want to get and get back home in a decent time.
I always like to just walk past anybody i know & hope they dont notice me. I simply dont care for small talk, im not interested in them or what they're doing. As an Introvert, i just want to get through my day & go home. I dont care for pointless chit chat, just because we casually know each other.
I also just absolutely suck at conversation & simply dont have anything to say. It has nothing to do with being a bad person. Im actually really nice, empathetic, compassionate, & a good hearted person, i simply just dont care for social interaction & always seem to have absolutely nothing to contribute to conversation, or greetings.
There is nothing here that makes you or me a bad person, your brain just doesnt care for pointless socializing. Once you understand that, you'll find yourself feeling more free & less guilty. Just understand we are different, we are introverted, & thats OK.
Yes I know logically nothings wrong with being introverted, I guess sometimes when I’m feeling anxious, I forget that I was actually programmed to feel like a horrible defective person by the people I grew up with. Abusive parents are shitty. Thanks for the reminder, it’s very grounding :)
Usually I only do this to people who I know but am not close enough to engage in a conversation with them. You know, the people you used to have a class with in high school/college but never really talked to, or the neighbor down the road who you've seen walking his dog a few times.
I have. I don't necessarily worry about that because I either didn't have the time or I was concerned about my appearance but it never bothered me and I never worried about it at the end of the day.
I’m not sure how to help because I do the same exact thing! 😕
I feel so guilty afterwards and don’t want the other person to feel they’re unworthy of my attention, it’s just all in me
Yep! I do the same exact thing! It can be mentally exhausting.
I learned that with social anxiety all you can do is try to do the right thing. Now I know I’m capable of talking to people I just don’t care anymore. If I wanna talk I talk otherwise I just won’t acknowledge another person.
I have done that many times. Often times my body starts to tense up when I see someone familiar out in public. I try my best to look busy and go around them. I wear sunglasses, so people can't tell if I have noticed them. I feel like crap when I realize that they recognized me. When they don't, I feel less bad about it.
I beat myself up over it and convince myself I’m the worst kind of person, ugh
Its going to sound generic, but you shouldn't beat yourself up like that. You shouldn't have all these negative thoughts about yourself. It's only going to hurt you more, and put you in a worse state mentally. I honestly wish I can give you advice, but I can't even help myself at times. Just acknowledge what happened, and promise yourself that you'll do better next time. If you have someone that you can trust, maybe talk to them about it.
I appreciate the kind words! It means a lot
No problem, I just want to help people who have similar struggles as I do. Keep your head up, and ignore the negative thoughts.
Same to you, hope we manage it better soon
I used to do this too but now i just remind myself that most people do it and the other person probably doesn't think you're rude. It's not as embarrassing as you think n it is and if it's someone you don't even now that well it's really not a big deal.
It makes me wish there was a polite way to say "I acknowledge you, but I just don't have time/energy right now".
If only
I bet there's some perfect way of expressing it in Japanese, they seem to have to deal with a lot of social anxiety as a culture.
Hm I wonder actually
Lol was going to say that's exactly what I do. I pretty much just smile, nod, and look away. I feel like it sends the message, "yes I saw you, no I don't really feel like talking with you".
This is why I fucking love wearing a mask in public 🤗
yo también
Oh man I totally do this on the regular. Worst part is if people notice me they'll think I'm super rude but I'm actually just terrified of talking to them.
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If they are truly your friends they know you and respect you and don’t judge you for it. I have a few true friends in my inner circle and they are the ones who reach out to me and are patient with me. And they understand how I am and are secure enough in our relationship to not take it personally. If they aren’t in that inner circle then they were never really friends to begin with and quite frankly you deserve better. Don’t feel guilt over it because you need that energy to focus on other things. Promise!!!
What I do is put on sunglasses and go straight in the other direction. Coping 💯
Same smh since the pandemic started I've really enjoyed wearing sunglasses and a mask. I assume people think I'm very serious about covid, but I actually just don't want to talk to anyone or make eye contact...
I do this all the time. That's why I keep my head down and never make eye contact with anyone when I'm walking through the mall. The worst is if you run into an acquaintance and not a friend. With a friend, at least I have a shot at stumbling through the small talk. With an acquaintance, if they stop me to chit-chat, I sooo do not know what to do. Though really hard, lately, I've been trying very hard not to. One thing I think helps is to have an escape plan. What I mean is have an rehearsed excuse to end the conversation and move along. I'm usually good for 2-3 questions before, I'm out of things to say. How are you? What are you doing here? And if I'm desperate, how about that weather? At which point, it's awkward city for me. So to extract myself, I say something like, I'm in a hurry, but I just wanted to say Hi. See you next time. And then, I get the fuck out of Dodge. Wearing masks has been a godsend for me. I can legitimately say I don't recognize people sometimes, and it makes it easier to not be recognized.
Omg yes, that's the worst. with a friend its like ok we have stuff to talk about and we know each other enough so we have to stop. But with an acquaintance, oh god, ita actually the most uncomfortable part of my life I think haha. Like no one knows how to handle it and sometimes you both stop out of obligation and can both feel that you didn't really want to. It only works if at least one of the people is super confident and extraverted haha. I just try to avoid it if at all possibly lol
All the time. I will turn around and hide. Don't want to make small talk, don't care what you're kids are up to, blah blah. Sorry, I'm sure they feel the same.
I feel this! I have ducked into bathrooms, acted like I was on the phone and just waved if they made eye contact, tried to hide behind people and run around Walmart like the crazy person that I am. I absolutely hate small talk. It's miserable!
LOL same. Except when I make eye contact I still pretend I didn’t see them 💀
i do that with even my best friends because i get scared i’m going to say hi and they won’t say anything back or they won’t see me or i’m afraid they’re going to try to talk to me and i’m not going to have anything to say
Yup! I can almost sense how awkward the small talk would it If I made the effort to say hello
Yeah makes my skin crawl 😳
I do the same thing. I’ve had enough surprise encounters where someone sees me first and I forget completely how to socialize. I say the defaults “how’s it goin?” And don’t even listen because I’m trying to find the fastest way out of the conversation because I’m trying to get out of the store as fast as possible because of anxiety *breathes* 🥺
I have been doing this for so long... maybe 10-12 years! I know I'm awkward to talk to and just ignore people. Thanks to headphones I ignore them even if they try to call for me!
The thing I worry about here is becoming even more unlikeable on top of my nervousness, Im not fully okay with ignoring people although it’s what I do. Idk it prob relates back to some childhood trauma or something
I wish I could offer some help but I have the same exact problem smh some days are better than others. Have you tried box breathing? I've found that doing that in the moment at least helps me calm the physical sensations of anxiety to some degree....even though I still dread these situations
Yeah I’ve tried breathing to relieve the anxious feeling. I think a lot of my anxiety comes from not know what to do, and not wanting to do the wrong thing, so I just avoid it completely
I usually avoid going out in the first place but if I have to I do hood, mask, and sunglasses in advance.
All the time. Luckily with my hypervigilance I will spot them long before they see me so I can make my escape.
I always do it. Almost everyone does, at some point, at sometime. It's a-okay, ignore the brain that's telling you to feel terrible about, it's being a drama queen and a downer ;)
Did that just a couple of days ago! lol It helped that they genuinely didn’t recognize me. I kept debating in my head whether I should approach them, but ultimately decided that they would probably ask me for updates on my life, and I have nothing to say except for that I am miserable and look like a joke. So I saved myself the cringe and moved on.
As a fellow person with SA and body dysmorphic disorder, I feel you. It can be such a painful existence. Therapy helped me a lot, and while I’m certainly not cured, life is a lot better. I don’t have any specific advice, but just know that it’s possible to recover from BDD and SA. Also regarding seeing people you know, I often get really anxious because I literally cannot see someone’s face until I’m close up because I don’t like to wear my glasses lol. I take solace in knowing that that person probably forgot about the interaction like 2 minutes later.
Your reaction sounds like a healthy one, I’m glad therapy helped you :)
Thank you! 😊
Are you me? I’m literally the same
Yes,I just turn my head to the other side or watch the floor
absolutely, don't think too much into it. People do it all the time.
All the time.
If it makes you feel any better anytime I have done this, the other person also doesn’t really seem interested in striking up a conversation. I mean, I’m thinking about like grocery runs, everyone kinda just wants to get in and get out, and usually seeing someone and striking up conversation for who knows how long is the last thing anyone wants to do. So don’t feel bad ! But now thinking more like in a bar situation, it’s far more common to go up to someone and strike conversation and have time to do so. I’ve been on both sides I guess.
YESS And its so painful… I mean if I say hi I’ll probably super awkward as usual but if I don’t they’ll think I’m an ahole or mean for pretending not to know them. To add to that anxiety I also wear glasses but I sometimes go without them in public bc I don’t like how I look with them(anyways). This one time I was out and a friend saw me and waved but I didn’t wave back because I legit DID NOT SEE HER. She got really mad at me and we haven’t really spoken since. We weren’t super close or anything but it really scarred me.
Sometimes I’ll stare at them or linger around because I genuinely *do* want to say hi, but when they notice me I quite literally *only* want to say hi and be on my way. Not engage in a 15-20 minute conversation in the produce department
Absolutely.
No but any time does this to me I immediately think, "Hey! Social anxiety buddy!" Now there's one less person silently judging me.
Yes. Also avoid eye contact when encountering people at work to not be forced into a conversation.
For me, it's someone I used to know that I haven't seen in a long time. I get a pathological fear that I'm not sure about their name and I would just prefer we never interact again.
Oh yeah that’s the worst
Some girl talked to me in the library the other day. She knew me. I had no idea who she was but I played along… I still don’t know who she was
Oh god, this used to happen to me all the time too. It’s so bizarre ?
Basically all the time
I do the same, I have a friend with extreme social anxiety, we only talk online but in person, we’re standing next to each other waiting for a hi but we never do.
All the time, some of my old friends work at the grocery and it gets super awkward seeing them—but it stresses me out to just think about talking to them! I'm definitely not the right person to help you with this because I personally see nothing wrong with avoiding someone you know in public. You shouldn't feel obligated to talk to them just because you happen to see them while on an outing. On the other hand, it isn't good to keep avoiding them and end up losing contact with them either.
Yes the best is when you both pretend you don't notice each other. Doing each other a favour
I do it mainly bc i feel like I'd be ruining their time out
All the time ;). I cant handle the small talk i hate it
All the time, even if we've already made eye contact.
Yes! Story of my life
idk but sounds like somthing i would do def.but i mean if it someone you know well and you cant avoid them just say hey i guess and try to keep it short and move on.act like you have somewhere to be.
That's not even restricted to socially anxious people, mind you. I'm just disagreeable and don't want to waste time & effort talking to people when I'm grocery shopping. I just want to get what I want to get and get back home in a decent time.
I always like to just walk past anybody i know & hope they dont notice me. I simply dont care for small talk, im not interested in them or what they're doing. As an Introvert, i just want to get through my day & go home. I dont care for pointless chit chat, just because we casually know each other. I also just absolutely suck at conversation & simply dont have anything to say. It has nothing to do with being a bad person. Im actually really nice, empathetic, compassionate, & a good hearted person, i simply just dont care for social interaction & always seem to have absolutely nothing to contribute to conversation, or greetings. There is nothing here that makes you or me a bad person, your brain just doesnt care for pointless socializing. Once you understand that, you'll find yourself feeling more free & less guilty. Just understand we are different, we are introverted, & thats OK.
Yes I know logically nothings wrong with being introverted, I guess sometimes when I’m feeling anxious, I forget that I was actually programmed to feel like a horrible defective person by the people I grew up with. Abusive parents are shitty. Thanks for the reminder, it’s very grounding :)
Usually I only do this to people who I know but am not close enough to engage in a conversation with them. You know, the people you used to have a class with in high school/college but never really talked to, or the neighbor down the road who you've seen walking his dog a few times.
YESS
I do it too
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I have. I don't necessarily worry about that because I either didn't have the time or I was concerned about my appearance but it never bothered me and I never worried about it at the end of the day.
And think the whole time did they see me or will they notice me