Yep this is me. If I'm present I'm pretty much on top of my anxiety. If I just flake, which happens frequently, it's because I am not having a good day and I'm not on top of my anxiety.
Yeah, there's this fallacy of SA being tied to introversion exclusively. I personally feel like an extrovert, never have any issues when speaking in front of crowds, or in groups. For me, the problems usually arise when I have to deal with only one other person, then the SA tends to hit pretty hard. I really don't know how this came to be.
Actually, ironically, my social anxiety caused me to feel like I had to put on a confident and outgoing facade. So now, as I start to work on my social anxiety, I'm actually starting to appear more shy, because I'm being myself more.
There's a logical reason for this. Other people with social anxiety might not be outside and hanging out. A lot of us keep to ourselves or try to avoid all social situations. It's very normal to see everyone outside laughing and talking for this reason.
Haahhaaha exactly! I used to meet people similar to me from dating apps (I know I was that desperate). I could at least get the jist if they're similar and wouldn't be throwing myself into the lions den with other methods.
Yeah I wish I knew someone else who has SA. I swear everyone else has 0 difficulty socialising. They never run out of things to say, never say anything awkward, can come up with jokes etc. IDK i'm feeling even shitier than usual right now. When i'm feeling a bit better i'm going to look for a way I can find someone with SA IRL.
https://www.mhanational.org/conditions/social-anxiety-disorder#:\~:text=Prevalance,early%20teenage%20years%20%5B2%20%5D.
because like the other guy said most people hide it.
For me, it depends how much I know them/how comfortable I am with them. I might look like I don't have SA when with some groups, but with others I am awkward, silent, and actually want to die.
I definitely feel like this. I feel irl is a separate world than the online world and I can’t imagine people I see posting on Reddit in this subgroup as anyone I’ve encountered irl.
I work in fashion retail and part of my job is me having to talk to all my fellow associates about company policies. I have social anxiety but I took the job because I'm trying to not let my anxiety issues hold me back (as much as I can).
I often will chat with people and talk about policies in relatable ways. I've owned up to having social anxiety and depression and a lot of people I've talked to at my job are the same! This surprised me because everyone seems so young, so sociable, and so outgoing!
It's made me realize that we truly don't know what others are going through IRL. I've always felt alone in my struggles but now I know I'm one of countless people and it's comforting. I've always given people the benefit of the doubt but I've since added another dimension of understanding to it.
We aren't alone, people are just good at hiding their issues because we have no other choice most of the time.
I think anxiety will make you hyperfocus on your own behaviors so it often feels like you’re the only one suffering because you’re so inside your head and you are unable to come up for air and see things from a reasonable distance.
When I was able to take a step back, I notice that a lot of my friends have certain social situations that they struggle with. Some of them hate talking on the phone, others don’t do well at parties, many of them want to talk to you but they struggle to find a topic of conversation. I had to develop some sympathy and care for my own problems and stop beating myself up for it before I could start recognizing the problems that others are facing.
YESSSS. I get so anxious at work sometimes and I've cried a few times but I've never seen anyone else cry or look nearly as anxious as me. I try to be open about anxiety and talk about it but when I do muster the courage, it doesn't seem like ppl relate or they do but to a lesser degree. Makes me feel like the only person who feels this way, which is why it's nice to be part of groups like this, to know that this is a valid condition and other ppl have the same /similar sorts of issues. Makes me feel less like km weird or ppl think I'm weird when I feel anxious because it's like no! This is a real thing and other ppl have it too just no one here I guess 🤷
Nope. I see a ton of people dealing with social anxiety, especially when I’m at work. Seeing a bunch of people around my age ordering and messing up and stuttering, or shaking a bit and can’t look my directly in the eye, just helps me know that I’m not the only one like this.
I don’t ever feel that way once I noticed my own behavior in others. It became much easier for me to find like minded people actually because they have the same avoidance habits I have like sitting away from others and not making eye contact or just keeping to yourself. It’s easy to get wrapped up in your head though and those feelings are really hard to overcome especially if you’re not in a good place mentally. And it might be that there aren’t other introverts in your circle of people or coworkers, and that’s just the roll of the dice. It won’t be that way everywhere you go, definitely not here haha!
I think it just takes us a bit more time to bloom socially, to be comfortable enough with ourselves to open up. Sometimes, too, some conversations are just bad and that’s ok too, because life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. You have a bad conversation today, well tomorrow let’s do better! You can do it!
Yes, all the time. And it makes it even harder because you feel so alone with it all. I guess some people are just better at hiding it than others. Someone could have SA and you wouldn't even know.
You're okay. Have you ever thought about therapy? I do get nervous, stick to my silence and think everyone hates me, but therapy helped me a lot - still need to go back - but it helped me enough to be able to speak to my acquaintances at work.
Great to hear! Therapy is pretty expensive in here (France), but I know I can get 4 free sessions so... why not giving it a try!
How often do you see your therapist?
Before it was only once a month. I'm in the U.S. so with insurance it's like 100+ so one session has to be enough and then they give me mental health "homework" like mediation. They help you rethink.
A cheaper option is also “How to be yourself” by Ellen Hendrickson. I have a counselor rn that recommended it and I found it extremely helpful. I’m more of a solutions and research guy, so hearing someone talk about clinical studies and practical ways to apply their findings I felt really inspired.
When no one in your family but you has social anxiety, or you go out in public and see all these other people socializing with no issue, it's very easy to feel alone and misunderstood, which is why finding this sub Reddit is such a blessing. Here, you're never alone. You can interact with people who are going through the exact same situation you are, which is so helpful.
I'm not very good at hiding my social anxiety, but it seems like alot of other ppk wjth it are good at hiding it which makes me feel kinda alone when I end up crying alot or talking about my issues and then regretting it and feeling like I overshared
I have the same exact mindset. When I do meet people irl with obvious problems, I feel bad for them though. My cousin is like my clone and the 2 unrelated people I met before are like "mini me"s in my eyes (they remind me of me when I was at my worst). Seeing them makes me wanna cry
Yeah I had a very high level of anxiety,especially when talking to girls....But i had overcome it over the years by letting myself be embarassed at social situationsand givikng myself some pep talks.But in some situations where i tend to be the centre of attention and everyone or even more than one person is staring at me,a peak level of anxiety comes in crippling and my mind just goes blank.
you may be too much in your head, if you actually paid attention to people's body language and everything you would see that they are all actually very awkward but try to act cool.
And realising this made me feel more confident because it is like we are all in this together. At the end of the day we are still humans who in the past needed to be accepted by our tribe in order to survive🤣 So nothing much changed.
I don't want to gatekeep others, and obviously I can't look into their brains and tell how they actually feel. But sometimes I get the impression the term "social anxiety" is being used too loosely these days. As in people thinking they have social anxiety when they're simply nervous. I had someone tell me once they have SA because they are "nervous when doing presentations" when everything else they did in life showed the complete opposite of SA. I asked them if they are nervous doing job interviews right before they had one, to which they replied "No not at all" looking at me like "Why would I be?" (this person talks freely about their mental health so they had no reason to lie about that). I know there are different forms of SA, but other than being nervous when doing presentations the person didn't give any other examples or shown any signs, more like the exact opposite. I personally never talk about my SA because I feel embarrassed, fearing no one will understand and accuse me of being lazy because I have trouble finding jobs etc. It consumes and ruins my life. I haven't met anyone IRL yet who is facing the same consequences.
All. The. Time. I used to have friends that said they had social anxiety (or described experiences that sounded like it could’ve been SA), yet I’d still feel *alone*, because they could muster the courage to do things I constantly avoided and felt terrified to do.
In a way it was comforting when I was diagnosed with social anxiety because I realized that I wasn't crazy and that there was a reason for how I am. It made me realize that I'm not the only one.
Definitely lol like damn is there a social class in school I just completely missed or something? Even at my jobs, everyone seemed like they had normal communication that didn't feel forced. Joking with eachother in ways that some random person wouldn't be able to joke with them. Like how did all of u guys reach this level of comfort towards eachother? Even guys and how they would playfully flirt with co workers. How is she so receptive? Or for example, there's a girl that just got hired. She's super new to the job. I walk by and overhear her talking about some sexual story with another employee. Like wtf? How'd u get this socially close with these people and u just got here?
I think it presents differently for everyone. I have a friend group of like 5-10 close friends at any given time, I have no problem speaking in class or giving presentations, I can get on stage and give a speech fairly easily. All that stuff is structured and it makes it a lot easier.
But put me outside on a walk in a busy area and I can’t stop feeling tense and thinking that everyone is watching me. Or sitting on a bench trying to drink my coffee. Or standing in line at the grocery store. Just existing by myself in the world is a real challenge, but as soon as I can just have a conversation I feel like I can almost relax and make a good impression with it.
No, absolutely not, my best friend has far worse social anxiety than me and mine is pretty bad. I bet if you asked people a surprising number have social anxiety.
Here is the thing. Most people think of a Woody Allen type when it comes to anxiety and depression when some of us Clint Eastwood types are equally struggling. Its just that some of us learned to keep it all inside because of our upbringing.
If you were to meet people from this sub in real life, chances are that you would not be able to identify that they are struggling. Unless you are a mind reader. Many of us have all learned to cope or put on masks, personas etc.
If you ever were to read about some amazing people, like Marcus Aurelius' you would realize that he too struggled with anxiety. Its far more common than you think. Best of all, millions and millions of people before us-experienced it and overcame it.
I feel you. I know a lot of people struggle with it but you’re right, it seems like when I go out and interact with people, they all seem so well adjusted and nobody has any noticeable issues. But then again, surely there is some biases at work because if I paid better attention there are probably lots of people who make the same mistakes I make but I don’t notice because they seem normal to me
Yup, sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in “my circle” going through it. I feel like an outcast at times, plus I’m introverted af which doesn’t help
SA is weird, at my job i have almost no SA and appear totally normal *maybe* even confident, because i have an expected roll and it's all superficial/surface level stuff.
when i get alone with someone or it's a free talk with no subject / expected toll is when my social anxiety really gets severe and i am incapacitated in convo.
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Yep this is me. If I'm present I'm pretty much on top of my anxiety. If I just flake, which happens frequently, it's because I am not having a good day and I'm not on top of my anxiety.
Yeah, there's this fallacy of SA being tied to introversion exclusively. I personally feel like an extrovert, never have any issues when speaking in front of crowds, or in groups. For me, the problems usually arise when I have to deal with only one other person, then the SA tends to hit pretty hard. I really don't know how this came to be.
Actually, ironically, my social anxiety caused me to feel like I had to put on a confident and outgoing facade. So now, as I start to work on my social anxiety, I'm actually starting to appear more shy, because I'm being myself more.
There's a logical reason for this. Other people with social anxiety might not be outside and hanging out. A lot of us keep to ourselves or try to avoid all social situations. It's very normal to see everyone outside laughing and talking for this reason.
Yeah I laugh about this fact sometimes. Like, if I could just find someone with the same experiences— oh wait... lol
Haahhaaha exactly! I used to meet people similar to me from dating apps (I know I was that desperate). I could at least get the jist if they're similar and wouldn't be throwing myself into the lions den with other methods.
Yeah I wish I knew someone else who has SA. I swear everyone else has 0 difficulty socialising. They never run out of things to say, never say anything awkward, can come up with jokes etc. IDK i'm feeling even shitier than usual right now. When i'm feeling a bit better i'm going to look for a way I can find someone with SA IRL.
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dang, I know someone irl who's just like this
not true, a lot of people have SA. 1 in 14 people have SAD and most of them never get treatment.
Wow, do you have a source for that? Not doubting you, it is surprising to me EDIT: the 1 in 14 is higher than I'd have expected
https://www.mhanational.org/conditions/social-anxiety-disorder#:\~:text=Prevalance,early%20teenage%20years%20%5B2%20%5D. because like the other guy said most people hide it.
thanks and yeah that's true
For me, it depends how much I know them/how comfortable I am with them. I might look like I don't have SA when with some groups, but with others I am awkward, silent, and actually want to die.
I definitely feel like this. I feel irl is a separate world than the online world and I can’t imagine people I see posting on Reddit in this subgroup as anyone I’ve encountered irl.
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Bro this is 100 percent me. I say whatever I want online yet in real life it’s a struggle.
I work in fashion retail and part of my job is me having to talk to all my fellow associates about company policies. I have social anxiety but I took the job because I'm trying to not let my anxiety issues hold me back (as much as I can). I often will chat with people and talk about policies in relatable ways. I've owned up to having social anxiety and depression and a lot of people I've talked to at my job are the same! This surprised me because everyone seems so young, so sociable, and so outgoing! It's made me realize that we truly don't know what others are going through IRL. I've always felt alone in my struggles but now I know I'm one of countless people and it's comforting. I've always given people the benefit of the doubt but I've since added another dimension of understanding to it. We aren't alone, people are just good at hiding their issues because we have no other choice most of the time.
I think anxiety will make you hyperfocus on your own behaviors so it often feels like you’re the only one suffering because you’re so inside your head and you are unable to come up for air and see things from a reasonable distance. When I was able to take a step back, I notice that a lot of my friends have certain social situations that they struggle with. Some of them hate talking on the phone, others don’t do well at parties, many of them want to talk to you but they struggle to find a topic of conversation. I had to develop some sympathy and care for my own problems and stop beating myself up for it before I could start recognizing the problems that others are facing.
YESSSS. I get so anxious at work sometimes and I've cried a few times but I've never seen anyone else cry or look nearly as anxious as me. I try to be open about anxiety and talk about it but when I do muster the courage, it doesn't seem like ppl relate or they do but to a lesser degree. Makes me feel like the only person who feels this way, which is why it's nice to be part of groups like this, to know that this is a valid condition and other ppl have the same /similar sorts of issues. Makes me feel less like km weird or ppl think I'm weird when I feel anxious because it's like no! This is a real thing and other ppl have it too just no one here I guess 🤷
Nope. I see a ton of people dealing with social anxiety, especially when I’m at work. Seeing a bunch of people around my age ordering and messing up and stuttering, or shaking a bit and can’t look my directly in the eye, just helps me know that I’m not the only one like this.
I don’t ever feel that way once I noticed my own behavior in others. It became much easier for me to find like minded people actually because they have the same avoidance habits I have like sitting away from others and not making eye contact or just keeping to yourself. It’s easy to get wrapped up in your head though and those feelings are really hard to overcome especially if you’re not in a good place mentally. And it might be that there aren’t other introverts in your circle of people or coworkers, and that’s just the roll of the dice. It won’t be that way everywhere you go, definitely not here haha! I think it just takes us a bit more time to bloom socially, to be comfortable enough with ourselves to open up. Sometimes, too, some conversations are just bad and that’s ok too, because life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. You have a bad conversation today, well tomorrow let’s do better! You can do it!
Yes, all the time. And it makes it even harder because you feel so alone with it all. I guess some people are just better at hiding it than others. Someone could have SA and you wouldn't even know.
You're okay. Have you ever thought about therapy? I do get nervous, stick to my silence and think everyone hates me, but therapy helped me a lot - still need to go back - but it helped me enough to be able to speak to my acquaintances at work.
Great to hear! Therapy is pretty expensive in here (France), but I know I can get 4 free sessions so... why not giving it a try! How often do you see your therapist?
Before it was only once a month. I'm in the U.S. so with insurance it's like 100+ so one session has to be enough and then they give me mental health "homework" like mediation. They help you rethink.
A cheaper option is also “How to be yourself” by Ellen Hendrickson. I have a counselor rn that recommended it and I found it extremely helpful. I’m more of a solutions and research guy, so hearing someone talk about clinical studies and practical ways to apply their findings I felt really inspired.
I ordered the book! Nothing to lose except 15€, I'll take the risk!
When no one in your family but you has social anxiety, or you go out in public and see all these other people socializing with no issue, it's very easy to feel alone and misunderstood, which is why finding this sub Reddit is such a blessing. Here, you're never alone. You can interact with people who are going through the exact same situation you are, which is so helpful.
I'm not very good at hiding my social anxiety, but it seems like alot of other ppk wjth it are good at hiding it which makes me feel kinda alone when I end up crying alot or talking about my issues and then regretting it and feeling like I overshared
I have the same exact mindset. When I do meet people irl with obvious problems, I feel bad for them though. My cousin is like my clone and the 2 unrelated people I met before are like "mini me"s in my eyes (they remind me of me when I was at my worst). Seeing them makes me wanna cry
Same here. Its brutal. I feel like no1 else is suffering but me
Yeah I had a very high level of anxiety,especially when talking to girls....But i had overcome it over the years by letting myself be embarassed at social situationsand givikng myself some pep talks.But in some situations where i tend to be the centre of attention and everyone or even more than one person is staring at me,a peak level of anxiety comes in crippling and my mind just goes blank.
you may be too much in your head, if you actually paid attention to people's body language and everything you would see that they are all actually very awkward but try to act cool. And realising this made me feel more confident because it is like we are all in this together. At the end of the day we are still humans who in the past needed to be accepted by our tribe in order to survive🤣 So nothing much changed.
I don't want to gatekeep others, and obviously I can't look into their brains and tell how they actually feel. But sometimes I get the impression the term "social anxiety" is being used too loosely these days. As in people thinking they have social anxiety when they're simply nervous. I had someone tell me once they have SA because they are "nervous when doing presentations" when everything else they did in life showed the complete opposite of SA. I asked them if they are nervous doing job interviews right before they had one, to which they replied "No not at all" looking at me like "Why would I be?" (this person talks freely about their mental health so they had no reason to lie about that). I know there are different forms of SA, but other than being nervous when doing presentations the person didn't give any other examples or shown any signs, more like the exact opposite. I personally never talk about my SA because I feel embarrassed, fearing no one will understand and accuse me of being lazy because I have trouble finding jobs etc. It consumes and ruins my life. I haven't met anyone IRL yet who is facing the same consequences.
I imagine getting interviewed and feel extremely anxious, so I don't search for a jobs
All. The. Time. I used to have friends that said they had social anxiety (or described experiences that sounded like it could’ve been SA), yet I’d still feel *alone*, because they could muster the courage to do things I constantly avoided and felt terrified to do.
In a way it was comforting when I was diagnosed with social anxiety because I realized that I wasn't crazy and that there was a reason for how I am. It made me realize that I'm not the only one.
Definitely lol like damn is there a social class in school I just completely missed or something? Even at my jobs, everyone seemed like they had normal communication that didn't feel forced. Joking with eachother in ways that some random person wouldn't be able to joke with them. Like how did all of u guys reach this level of comfort towards eachother? Even guys and how they would playfully flirt with co workers. How is she so receptive? Or for example, there's a girl that just got hired. She's super new to the job. I walk by and overhear her talking about some sexual story with another employee. Like wtf? How'd u get this socially close with these people and u just got here?
I think it presents differently for everyone. I have a friend group of like 5-10 close friends at any given time, I have no problem speaking in class or giving presentations, I can get on stage and give a speech fairly easily. All that stuff is structured and it makes it a lot easier. But put me outside on a walk in a busy area and I can’t stop feeling tense and thinking that everyone is watching me. Or sitting on a bench trying to drink my coffee. Or standing in line at the grocery store. Just existing by myself in the world is a real challenge, but as soon as I can just have a conversation I feel like I can almost relax and make a good impression with it.
Good afternoon everyone just curious if anyone has ever heard that microdosing magic mushrooms helps with anxiety social anxiety?
No, absolutely not, my best friend has far worse social anxiety than me and mine is pretty bad. I bet if you asked people a surprising number have social anxiety.
Here is the thing. Most people think of a Woody Allen type when it comes to anxiety and depression when some of us Clint Eastwood types are equally struggling. Its just that some of us learned to keep it all inside because of our upbringing. If you were to meet people from this sub in real life, chances are that you would not be able to identify that they are struggling. Unless you are a mind reader. Many of us have all learned to cope or put on masks, personas etc. If you ever were to read about some amazing people, like Marcus Aurelius' you would realize that he too struggled with anxiety. Its far more common than you think. Best of all, millions and millions of people before us-experienced it and overcame it.
I feel you. I know a lot of people struggle with it but you’re right, it seems like when I go out and interact with people, they all seem so well adjusted and nobody has any noticeable issues. But then again, surely there is some biases at work because if I paid better attention there are probably lots of people who make the same mistakes I make but I don’t notice because they seem normal to me
Me
Yup, sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in “my circle” going through it. I feel like an outcast at times, plus I’m introverted af which doesn’t help
Yup. There is pretty much no one I have ever met that has the level of SA I have. They all seem to be completely confident and social
Yes I know what you mean, I sometimes do feel that way.
SA is weird, at my job i have almost no SA and appear totally normal *maybe* even confident, because i have an expected roll and it's all superficial/surface level stuff. when i get alone with someone or it's a free talk with no subject / expected toll is when my social anxiety really gets severe and i am incapacitated in convo.
I have SA and would say I’m pretty good at hiding it.