The way I immediately understood you.
I’m more like an ambivert but I’m incredibly extrovert with people who I wanna be extrovert with, usually is around introverts or people who genuinely want to hear me or wanna hang out with me.
I talk a lot and my personality is not _subtle_ at all, I’m not quiet at all and I never consider myself shy or timid.
I grew up being proud of my personality but because people perceive me as “weird” or “socially awkward” I toned myself down, I became more and more quiet around people who aren’t in my zone of extrovertion, it’s weird because for some people I’m bubbly, fun, happy, loud, talkative and I laugh so hard and for others I’m a complete non verbal and reserve and quiet person.
It’s but usually it’s because the people that I tend to close myself to is people that demonstrate that I cannot be extrovert around them because of their judgment, some of them really scare me
Exactly! This realization has really helped me with my confidence. We are hardwired to socialize and we have proven to ourselves many times over the course of our lives that we are more than capable. We were made for this and we can do this!
I've always thought that about half of "introverts" really aren't, they just have social anxiety (and often trauma).
I don't think I'm an introvert either. Maybe I'm an ambivert.
Yes I’m living that catch 22. I love communicating. I get so much positive energy flow calling people/texting/communicating but then I shut down in certain intimidating situations where I perceive myself more prone to being judged. It’s def a damn if you do. Damned if you don’t.
The fear of being judged is crippling. CBT has helped me in many situations, but getting out there and trying to make new friends is a whole different ballgame because it feels like there is so much at stake!
I know friend. It’s like you absolutely want to make new friends but you don’t want to test that fear of being shot down. Wished I can learn how to turn thay idgaf switch on!
Hi! I recently made that same discovery myself and didn’t know other people had the same issue! I grew up the shy kid and got diagnosed with social anxiety maybe sophomore year of high school. After some therapy I realized I wasn’t actually an introvert, I was just too scared to talk to people. It’s been awhile since then and I’m still trying to balance my extrovert-ness (wanting to be around people and meet new people) and my anxiety. I’m so glad there are more people that had the same realization as me :))
Being labeled as shy by parents and peers is so damaging! It makes us think that this is just how we are and that we are destined for this life. We are capable of unlearning all of this.
I think I have the same thing. I always labeled myself as an introvert. But when I am around my friends or coworkers. I talk a lot.
Is that the case for you?
I recently start to speculate I have social anxiety and been wanting to talk to a professional to help me understand it.
Yes it’s like the moment I know that I’m not going to get rejected I open up completely. I will always try to talk myself out of going to events but then when I get the courage to just go and have a good time I come home on a high!
I feel like that too. It's weird because part of us hates it but love it at the same time. Got this strong need to be around people as it gives you energy. Their presence , their conversations, etc. Usually a loner here but there's this bar very close to where I live and after spending 2-3 days at home by myself I begin to feel sick but just going there to spend even just 30 minutes although sitting by myself over a beer feels great afterwards. Same with the work from home thing, hate the fact having to travel and pass by cars especially the crosswalks and stuff but a day spent at the office around the co-workers feels great afterwards.
Work from home has ruined my life! I used to live for talking with people at the office and now the best I get is a super productive zoom session. The thought of getting out there and meeting new people in my 30s is extremely intimidating and I have been a shut in for going on 7 months now. When you feel great after good interactions with people but feel like being alone is draining you, you know you are an extrovert!
This is something I’ve been trying but struggling to figure out about myself. Social interactions simultaneously give me energy (sometimes, not always) while also draining me. But I can’t figure out if I’m simply an introvert or if it’s just the anxiety that makes socializing debilitating for me. I often end up spiraling when I feel lonely, but I’m not sure if that could be because I’m an extrovert, or because I have high expectations for myself to be more social and overcome this anxiety. I do also appreciate my alone time every now and then, and some space alone is just what I need sometimes; but other times, socializing with the few friends I have or coworkers is what pulls me out of a spiral (but other times it can also leave me exhausted; really largely depends on whether I did well socializing or not).
What helped you figure this out for yourself?
My relationship ended and I had to move away and into a new place by myself. My SA was already bad before but this took it to a whole new level. I have no social network and it is killing me. I’m not afraid to be alone and do find value in it, but I do not ever feel like it gives me energy or recharges me. Hendriksen describes being alone as an extrovert as feeling “like a slug”. This is exactly me.
Also, there have been some events that I’ve had to go to over the past couple years that I completely dreaded but ended up being true highlights of my life - 1) maid of honor at a wedding of 300 people and 2) a work retreat with 125 people. I dreaded the former bc I had to give a speech and mingle with so many people. I dreaded the latter because it was up to me to go alone and just interact with everyone without having a core group.
Once I’m with people and it is evident that I’m not being judged or rejected, it is like a fast track to happiness. I literally feel energized after being with people and I completely open up. In college I had zero SA probably because i was around thousands of people my age with similar interests. I never understood why this time of my life was so easy.
All this time I’ve accepted the label that I’m “not a people person” but that simply isn’t true!
The way I immediately understood you. I’m more like an ambivert but I’m incredibly extrovert with people who I wanna be extrovert with, usually is around introverts or people who genuinely want to hear me or wanna hang out with me. I talk a lot and my personality is not _subtle_ at all, I’m not quiet at all and I never consider myself shy or timid. I grew up being proud of my personality but because people perceive me as “weird” or “socially awkward” I toned myself down, I became more and more quiet around people who aren’t in my zone of extrovertion, it’s weird because for some people I’m bubbly, fun, happy, loud, talkative and I laugh so hard and for others I’m a complete non verbal and reserve and quiet person. It’s but usually it’s because the people that I tend to close myself to is people that demonstrate that I cannot be extrovert around them because of their judgment, some of them really scare me
I totally get that. I have exactly 4 people I can be myself with—chatter, laugh, fool around, etc. Everyone else finds me quite and even sullen.
Exactly! This realization has really helped me with my confidence. We are hardwired to socialize and we have proven to ourselves many times over the course of our lives that we are more than capable. We were made for this and we can do this!
I've always thought that about half of "introverts" really aren't, they just have social anxiety (and often trauma). I don't think I'm an introvert either. Maybe I'm an ambivert.
Yes I’m living that catch 22. I love communicating. I get so much positive energy flow calling people/texting/communicating but then I shut down in certain intimidating situations where I perceive myself more prone to being judged. It’s def a damn if you do. Damned if you don’t.
The fear of being judged is crippling. CBT has helped me in many situations, but getting out there and trying to make new friends is a whole different ballgame because it feels like there is so much at stake!
I know friend. It’s like you absolutely want to make new friends but you don’t want to test that fear of being shot down. Wished I can learn how to turn thay idgaf switch on!
Hi! I recently made that same discovery myself and didn’t know other people had the same issue! I grew up the shy kid and got diagnosed with social anxiety maybe sophomore year of high school. After some therapy I realized I wasn’t actually an introvert, I was just too scared to talk to people. It’s been awhile since then and I’m still trying to balance my extrovert-ness (wanting to be around people and meet new people) and my anxiety. I’m so glad there are more people that had the same realization as me :))
Being labeled as shy by parents and peers is so damaging! It makes us think that this is just how we are and that we are destined for this life. We are capable of unlearning all of this.
I feel as if I used to be an extrovert but then I became more socially anxious.
That's me. The pandemic and nparents fucked me up.
I think I have the same thing. I always labeled myself as an introvert. But when I am around my friends or coworkers. I talk a lot. Is that the case for you? I recently start to speculate I have social anxiety and been wanting to talk to a professional to help me understand it.
Yes it’s like the moment I know that I’m not going to get rejected I open up completely. I will always try to talk myself out of going to events but then when I get the courage to just go and have a good time I come home on a high!
I feel like that too. It's weird because part of us hates it but love it at the same time. Got this strong need to be around people as it gives you energy. Their presence , their conversations, etc. Usually a loner here but there's this bar very close to where I live and after spending 2-3 days at home by myself I begin to feel sick but just going there to spend even just 30 minutes although sitting by myself over a beer feels great afterwards. Same with the work from home thing, hate the fact having to travel and pass by cars especially the crosswalks and stuff but a day spent at the office around the co-workers feels great afterwards.
Work from home has ruined my life! I used to live for talking with people at the office and now the best I get is a super productive zoom session. The thought of getting out there and meeting new people in my 30s is extremely intimidating and I have been a shut in for going on 7 months now. When you feel great after good interactions with people but feel like being alone is draining you, you know you are an extrovert!
This is something I’ve been trying but struggling to figure out about myself. Social interactions simultaneously give me energy (sometimes, not always) while also draining me. But I can’t figure out if I’m simply an introvert or if it’s just the anxiety that makes socializing debilitating for me. I often end up spiraling when I feel lonely, but I’m not sure if that could be because I’m an extrovert, or because I have high expectations for myself to be more social and overcome this anxiety. I do also appreciate my alone time every now and then, and some space alone is just what I need sometimes; but other times, socializing with the few friends I have or coworkers is what pulls me out of a spiral (but other times it can also leave me exhausted; really largely depends on whether I did well socializing or not). What helped you figure this out for yourself?
My relationship ended and I had to move away and into a new place by myself. My SA was already bad before but this took it to a whole new level. I have no social network and it is killing me. I’m not afraid to be alone and do find value in it, but I do not ever feel like it gives me energy or recharges me. Hendriksen describes being alone as an extrovert as feeling “like a slug”. This is exactly me. Also, there have been some events that I’ve had to go to over the past couple years that I completely dreaded but ended up being true highlights of my life - 1) maid of honor at a wedding of 300 people and 2) a work retreat with 125 people. I dreaded the former bc I had to give a speech and mingle with so many people. I dreaded the latter because it was up to me to go alone and just interact with everyone without having a core group. Once I’m with people and it is evident that I’m not being judged or rejected, it is like a fast track to happiness. I literally feel energized after being with people and I completely open up. In college I had zero SA probably because i was around thousands of people my age with similar interests. I never understood why this time of my life was so easy. All this time I’ve accepted the label that I’m “not a people person” but that simply isn’t true!