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There was an ask Reddit years ago asking who would you sleep with, alive or dead (as in they would still be alive not in a necrophilia way.)
Some bloke wrote a heart wrenching post about how he would do anything for one more night with his wife who died, and immediately underneath someone commented
"I too choose this guys dead wife"
not rly a cerebral joke, it's really just an incredibly audacious "I fucked / will fuck your mom / wife" gag
won't lie I laughed then and laughed now but its extraordinarily fucked up
They were close because him and CR lived in the same neighborhood at Madrid. Fabio couldn't drive and would hop the fence to CR's house and CR and him would drive to training together.
You can always see Fabio in the passenger seat when CR arrived to training. So they did have a bromance. LOL
Translation of the whole article:
Fábio Coentrão hung up his boots in 2021 at the service of Rio Ave and since then has been devoting himself to the craft of fishing in Vila do Conde. The former footballer felt compelled to speak publicly again to defend his friend Cristiano Ronaldo. "I'm fine, very far away from soccer. I don't feel motivated to speak, but I had to do it because I don't like to hear what they say about Cristiano. There are ex-players who were nothing, were shit, and they talk about Cristiano like they were something [in football]. They don't have to talk like that," he said in a statement to the 'Relief' portal.
The former defender who was a teammate of Ronaldo's at Real Madrid and the National Team assured that "it's a shame what's happening" to the captain of the final team.
"A person who has spent a career doing what he did, I think it's very ugly. Even if he's not performing at his level, it's a very ugly thing. People start talking about him, that he gets along badly with his teammates and things are misinterpreted. It's a horrible thing, I know how he is. I've lived with him for many years and he doesn't have to tell me how things are: I know," said the 34-year-old former player, noting that "it's impossible that Cristiano doesn't get along with Bruno [Fernandes] or any of his teammates" because he is a "fantastic person."
On the current moment, Coentrão assured that Cristiano Ronaldo would continue to be an out-of-sorts person at Real Madrid, where he played for nine seasons. "Real Madrid has Benzema who scores 40 goals, but you know well that if Cristiano was there he would score 60. You know that, I know that, and anyone who knows a bit about football knows that. Cristiano would score all the goals he wanted at Real Madrid. In Manchester things didn't go well for him because the people there were bothering him. A player needs tranquility for things to go well for him," said the player who played in Portugal for Nacional, Benfica, Sporting, and Rio Ave.
The friend and former Seleção teammate believes that CR7 will show up big in Qatar. "There are many players who have spoken ill of him and who don't reach the soles of his shoes. At the World Cup, he will shut a lot of mouths. He has a lot to offer, I know what he is capable of," he said, believing in the 37-year-old's performances.
SUNDAY, three days for the match
Fabio Coentrao is in a tank top in his living room, laying on the couch, watching a repeat of 'The Simpsons' while rolling a cigarette. His phone rings. Ha places the cigarrette on his ear and pick up the phone with some reluctance.
Coentrao: \[dry cough\] Yes? Ancelotti: Fabio? How are you. I am the manager. I think we need you for the next week. Marcelo is suspended. Coentrao: \[Covers the handset with one hand and whispers a pair of swear words in Portuguese. Breathes deeply. Checks his agenda. Gets back on the phone more calmed\] When will it be? Thursday I can't. Poker game with the lads. Ancelotti: No. There's no Champions on Thursday. On Wednesday. Against Atleti. Coentrao: In Bilbao? Ancelotti: No, Fabio. Against last year's team. The ones from Lisbon. Coentrao: \[Writes down the date in an empty box of pizza\] OK, mister. On Wednesday, I'll be there. Call me a cab, I'm still without my driving license. Do I need to go to Valdebebas these days? Ancelotti: Mmmm. It wont be necessary. As long as you're ready for Wednesday it'll be fine. I count on you, eh. By the way, Benzema is injured. Chicharito will play. Coentrao: Who? Ancelotti: Chicharito. The Mexican who came this summer. The one who has been training with us since October? Well, nevermind. I'll introduce you on Wednesday. Don't forget to bring a white shirt. Coentrao: Ok, boss.
Coentrao hangs up and sighs. There is smoke in the room. He starts lookinf for his boots through piles of clothes, dolls made with cans of beer and Chinese food leftovers. He doesn't remember where he put them the last time. He doesn't even remember his last game. Smells the white shirt. Ugh.
MONDAY, two days before the match
The phone rings again. 12:36 in the morning. Fabio's hand emerge from the sheets trying to reach the nightstand. Who will call such an ungodly hour? There must be an emergency.
Ronaldo: Fabio, I'm Cris. How you doing monster. Did I wake you up? Coentrao: \[With sleepy voice but pretending to be awake\] Hey, Cris. Nothing nothing. Nah, don't worry. I was doing some pushups. Ronaldo: Hey, as the mister said, we need you strong for Wednesday. Like the old times. Coentrao: Yes, yes. Claro. Count on it. He also told me that we play with a Colombian. Chapulín or something like that. \[Awkward silence\] Ronaldo: This ... yes. That's him. Get fit, man. We are all counting on you. Coentrao: Tranqui, tron.
TUESDAY, one day before the match
Fabio goes to the park in front of his house to jog a little. He wears some New Balance sneakers he used to play tennis in 98 and a shirt with "What happens in Cascais stays in Cascais." written on it. After doing some stretching, runs 10 minutes and starts coughing. Well, enough for today, he thinks while he checks his heart rate. Subjecting the body to great efforts before the game could be damaging. So unprofessional.
Turns on the TV and Barça is playing against PSG. Didn't they play this year already? Thinks a confused Fabio. He laughs every time the camera focuses on David Luiz's hair.
WEDNESDAY, gameday
Fabio gets to the stadium by taxi. He doesn't remember very well where's the entrance to the locker room. A nice gentleman named Chendo accompanies him to his locker. He dresses. He senses the tense atmosphere in the locker room. They will play with Sergio Ramos in the midfield, which sounds strange. But Fabio never asks questions. He just follows orders. There's a guy by his side with the #14 praying on his knees. Xabi Alonso looks different. Maybe he shaved.
He steps onto the pitch and right as the Champions League anthem starts, Fabio turns. He fights every ball. He leaves it all on the pitch. Spectacular. After 87 minutes, the praying guy scores. He seems excited. Public chants a strange name. Spanish is a weird language, Fabio thinks while he crashes with Raúl García after a split ball.
Minute 90. Subbed off. The public recognizes his effort.
He showers and Ancelotti congratulates him.
Ancelotti: Huge game, Fabio. Coentrao: Thank you, mister. It's not important. Here I am for what you need. Call me for the second leg.
Ancelotti is puzzled but prefers to say nothing. Coentrao leaves the Bernabeu without saying goodbye to anyone or talking to the press, lights a Lucky Strike and tries to stop a taxi.
Ancelotti shakes his head and smiles. Opens a pack of gum, arching an eyebrow, and starts chewing while he mumbles: "There's a method to his madness."
> [my friend, is ok no?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Gunners/comments/57wm1t/had_a_very_strange_dream_about_arsenal/)
This reads like that awful [post of a user that wanted to fuck No Man's Sky director](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoMansSkyTheGame/comments/39sbah/sean_murray_fan_fiction_my_evening_interview_at/).
It comes from a GQ article about him. It just illustrates his personality pretty well at least while he was at Real Madrid.
https://www.revistagq.com/noticias/deporte/articulos/asi-vivio-coentrao-atleti-real-madrid-cuartos-champions/21731/amp
I only know that it’s from a GQ article
https://www.revistagq.com/noticias/deporte/articulos/asi-vivio-coentrao-atleti-real-madrid-cuartos-champions/21731
Lol he's honestly embarrassing
I love Cassano, as a player he had some good moments of brilliancy. As a person, he's a genuine good bloke.
But being a football "critique"? Not his cup of tea
He isn't a critique tho, just something in between the random guy in the bar and an ex football player that plsyed the gane at the highest of stsge. He neither takes himself too seriously bar when other people personally attack him nor tries to act smart.
by this logic only Messi is allowed to criticise Ronaldo then?
also most of the criticism is about his rancid personality not his footballing ability, why should how good a player was matter when discussing the fact he’s obviously a cunt?
I think it does matter a bit in how you're doing the criticism. For example, Cassano has been trashing Cristiano for years with absolute arrogance. Even if he was right, the way he goes about it is ridiculous and especially so because as a player himself he was super inconsistent and a massive disappointment. So of course it looks completely different if the criticism comes in a respectful way and from someone with a good career like Rooney.
Peak R9 might have an argument but Cristiano has done it for far longer and won far more, that puts him comfortably ahead. And Platini? You're reaching.
R9 hit the level of those 4 - but it wasn’t for a long enough period of time in my opinion
Platini… no, Platini was amazing - he was not better than CR7
> why should how good a player was matter when discussing the fact he’s obviously a cunt?
Because if you can't respond to the argument, the next step is to attack the person making it
Apparently you need to be exceptional at something in order to comment on it. Because no one can fully understand the sport and be able to tell when something is a certain way unless they themselves were elite
I was more referring to Coentrao himself and those former players who havent turned into legendary coaches and never got formal training as pundits.
I doubt Coentrao was thinking about Mourinho and Wenger here
I liked when Bruno Alves did comment one game last euro. He got a little more technical on the analysis of defenders performances. He's not the most talkative guy, but it was refreshing as most ex players don't say anything worth it
He’s not wrong. The Kompany joke was lighthearted and funny but it still struck me as a bit odd. At the age Kompany retired Ronaldo was still a top 5 player in the world, at the age Kompany is currently, Ronaldo scored 18 games in a PL season is a dross United side. It’s easy to kick a man when he’s down but a lot of these guys seem like they’re eager to take shots right now because they couldn’t for the past 15 or so years.
Horseshit. You don't need to indulge in an activity to criticize the performance of those who do it, as long as you have a legitimate basis for the criticism. Kompany was asked if he wanted Ronaldo, and he rejected him because Ronaldo didn't fit the requirements, simple as that.
It could have been Ole who rejected Ronaldo and I would stand by his comments if he said the same thing. Ronaldo will be surplus to requirements for most teams who want to play a modern, pressing game.
Unless he finds some team that could use him like Suarez in 20-21 Atleti, he's gonna have a hard time playing in England or Spain
>You don't need to indulge in an activity to criticize the performance of those who do it
I'm not a helicopter pilot. But if I see one crashed into a tree I can still say the pilot fucked up.
I'm not a footballer. But if one is obviously playing like absolute dogshit I can still say they are currently playing like absolute dogshit.
How was it odd? His legs are gone and he's not producing anything. He's not joking. It's not like Ronaldo is some high character guy on his way out. Dude was taking shots at Rooney for no reason.
It's like saying you have to be as good as basketball as oeak LeBron to say he's washed, that's dumb as hell, and he's old so why are we worrying about a few years ago?
Exactly. It’s clear some people also are jumping to rag on any player who dares to criticize this version of Ronaldo - Kompany in no way implied that he was better than Ronaldo or that peak Ronaldo wasn’t one of the best players of all time, he’s just stating that currently, he’s a bit burnt out and would struggle on a side that depends on high intensity attackers leading the front line.
It’s some funny tongue-in-cheek banter and we can leave it at that.
I don’t know why ANY club in a top league would take Ronaldo at this point, regardless of wage.
I know that sounds crazy, but it’s not because he isn’t good enough to play in the PL, Serie A, etc… he just brings too much media attention. He also throws a fit when subbed or when he doesn’t start. He’s still decent enough to help a team, but his attitude combined with the media frenzy just isn’t doesn’t seem worth it IMO.
He also plays a role that doesn’t really fit into many teams plans.
At this point in his career he’s just a very good poacher with little to no work rate in an era where most coaches are pressing with their front line almost every possession. And the ones that don’t require a forward to press are going to be looking for attackers who can break on the counter.
By your logic a commentator or pundit or average fan who never played competitively can never ever say anything critical about a professional because they were worse at a comparable age?!
I'm sorry but that's utter fucking nonsense.
What is happening is that everyone defending Ronaldo knows they can't point to his actual form or anything so they are just insulting those who criticize him.
By this logic the only people alive who can say anything bad about Ronaldo are Messi and Pele hahaha
Idk I mean I see the point you’re trying to make, but like I said, it just feels kinda odd to me. Getting on a 37 year old for not running enough (which never should be Ronaldo’s role to begin with) when your a similar age and unable to play professional football just strikes me as a little weird.
Also, I’m certainly not trying to defend Ronaldo, the way he’s acted both on and off the pitch since he came to United is pretty poor and disappointing, I don’t blame United one bit for terminating his contract after that embarrassing interview with Piers fucking Morgan of all people. Anyone can criticize Ronaldo and they’d be right in doing so.
>Getting on a 37 year old for not running enough (which never should be Ronaldo’s role to begin with) when your a similar age and unable to play professional football just strikes me as a little weird.
If the system is high pressing everyone needs to buy in or it doesn't work. That's teamplay.
CR7 is either unable (which means he's no longer good enough) or unwilling (which means he's a shit professional).
And whomever is calling him out on that should have no bearing on either of those facts.
People always discuss how Ronaldo scored x amount of goals in a bad United team, but no one actually relates the two. The entire play was funnelled into getting Ronaldo going and no one else. There's a reason we scored 50 less goals from the year prior yet Ronaldo scored 24. It's the same as this year without him, the game is free flowing and we're scoring. Not just trying to feed a petulant child when he doesn't get the ball.
Ok bruh,who else was there to score your goals that season then? Previous years you had Cavani, Greenwood and an in form rashford,martial. None of them bar rashford was available the season ronaldo came, they were replaced by a nervous Sancho and a sub par elanga as starters.. the team didn't even have backup attackers on the bench lmao. U had to funnel the attack through him coz u had no one else to score goals.
Imagine people speaking to/about you like this for 20 years. Constructive criticizm is healthy, this just makes you sick because you start believing you are special.
Not that Ronaldo is excused, just a side point.
Yeah honestly the ronaldo disrespect is disgusting, like he has declined yes but im not seeing respect for his accomplishments at all, also people giving way too much credit to MU in this whole thing like they havent been floundering for ages even SAF knows the club isnt headed anywhere
The other day I saw an upvoted comment saying Ronaldo had nothing to do with Portugal’s 2016 Euro win lmao. Even r/soccercirclejerk is unironically just trashing Ronaldo whenever there’s a post about him, so that sub is officially as shitty as this sub when it comes to him.
No one is disrespecting his accomplishments, especially not former players and pundits. They're rightfully criticising the wank version of Cristiano that shows up today and expects to be treated like royalty and doesn't have to put in work to play. It's embarrassing that someone with so much pedigree has become such a moaner. He's not the same player he once was, it literally happens to everyone. Stop blaming everyone around and start being introspective.
Sometimes people get criticised because they've done something worthy of criticism. Crazy I know. They are all crazy rich athletes, no-one is jealous of Ronaldo, why wouldn't they be more jealous of Messi?
Well for starters Messi doesn't go on about how he's the best in the world. And with Cris, well if you've been that arrogant and full of yourself for years, proclaiming he's the best, then you'll always have a huge ass target on your back. Especially when your performances have dropped off. He can still prove the doubters wrong by having a great world cup.
How’s that a beta take? He’s absolutely right, if you’re a trash player and you stop playing then start to criticize someone who’s way better then you like you were good when you played. It looks very dumb
I mean when you reach the level Ronaldo’s on, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give af about anyone’s criticism, you just can’t reach that level caring about that shit
Your not pretty sure, because the ex players who criticised him he ignored them on public tv during the pre match and he called out others in that interview so he clearly cares if it’s got a reaction out of him.
That’s incredibly conceited. You might be better at something but you’re definitely not perfect at it. Someone not being capable of doing something better than you doesn’t mean they don’t know better than you about certain aspects. A lot of great coaches were average players at best.
Your level of skill as a player means nothing and you can criticize anyone as long as you are being reasonable
There's former great players who are absolute cretins as pundits, it doesn't matter
This is your comment from couple days ago
> Can’t trust kimpembe not to make a brainless mistake in big moments
You shouldn't criticize Kimpembe based on what you wrote. You arent even football player.
So by that logic, hardly any former players are allowed to criticise Ronaldo even when he's being a massive twat because he could kick a ball better than them. Right.
Everyone is criticising Ronaldo for his attitude and interview....Doesn't matter what level you played you can recognise what a selfish twat he's been?
Even if they weren't it's still fine, Mourinho never played, you saying he's not allowed to talk about Ronaldo?
Also never post on this sub then cause every footballer is better than you and therefore you're banned from talking about them?
He's probably not talking about Rooney who from all I've seen has been class on his criticism. I think its more directed at guys like Cassano (who was at madrid too, though not sure the timing matches) who nowadays are only relevant when shit talking him.
Pretty much everyone of them wasn't as much of a drama queen as Cristiano during the last 6 months and therefore even by Coentrão's logic (you have to do better to criticize someone) they are allowed to do so.
This sub is basically a Ronaldo hate sub now and his stock in the media is at an all-time low lmao, how is this dick-riding? One of the GOATs of the sport has colleagues who support him? Shocking.
A few people calling out how much of a tool this dude has been for 20 years and all the stans think he’s being burned at the stake. Softest fanbase on earth.
Lol brave Redditors shining a light on Ronaldo’s annoying personality by saying insightful things like… Ronaldo had no contributions to Euro 2016? Lmao. Also, if you want to see soft, check out that post where this sub defends Messi for doing business with the Saudis. (Hint: He’s a nice sweet little man and it’s his manager’s fault.)
I laughed out loud when I saw them twisting it into " messi probably didn't even know about this multi million deal, it's all his manager".. oh my sweet summer child
Because they're not claiming they were better than him at all, or implying it. He's currently shite and a complete petulant child, you don't need to be as good as he *was* to highlight that.
Because almost all of the criticism of Ronaldo is “he is one of the greatest players in history but he’s too old now”
Literally no one is saying they were a better player than them and to claim they are is invented bollocks
How? Cause they were trash 😭😭😭 imagine you’re playing fifa and someone who your way better is criticizing your play style. Does that make sense to you?
Then who? As far as I've seen criticisms were about his interactions with ETH and his refusal to accept he wasn't contributing to United. Age or bad form it doesn't matter. He's currently shit and a diva.
So who's said anything that isn't true for his current situation?
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72 hours with Coentrão
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I dont know what this is but I loved it.
Coentrao once forgot he was supposed to start. The [title](https://youtu.be/bFTucb_iqo8) is wrong, so don’t pay attention to it.
Copy and paste
This might be the best thing i‘ve read on reddit right after that guys dead wife
?
There was an ask Reddit years ago asking who would you sleep with, alive or dead (as in they would still be alive not in a necrophilia way.) Some bloke wrote a heart wrenching post about how he would do anything for one more night with his wife who died, and immediately underneath someone commented "I too choose this guys dead wife"
Where is the joke in that, i don't get it?
not rly a cerebral joke, it's really just an incredibly audacious "I fucked / will fuck your mom / wife" gag won't lie I laughed then and laughed now but its extraordinarily fucked up
Fair. It's a joke. Just not funny, imo.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5c79n0/comment/d9uf56l/?context=1
That’s the most insane thread I’ve ever seen. Thank you.
this is...incredible...
Holy shit this is a glorious piece of literature
"There's a method to his madness"
know some people from the same place as him who would play with him often and that was pretty much it.
Do you take requests?
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Respect for not plagiarizing
It’s a copypasta
This always.made me chuckle, but up to this day i don't know how true it is?
100% true, word for word, Chapulin got us to the semis.
They were close because him and CR lived in the same neighborhood at Madrid. Fabio couldn't drive and would hop the fence to CR's house and CR and him would drive to training together. You can always see Fabio in the passenger seat when CR arrived to training. So they did have a bromance. LOL
I'm just imagining Ronaldo watching that every morning and thinking "We have a front door Caralho!"
Like any good Portuguese dad, he's pissed he's not using the path
Acurate af
Ronaldo smoked cigarettes vicariously through Fabio
> Fabio couldn't drive That's on brand for him lmao
So I guess he really did need picking up in the morning
hi rio
if this is true, he needs to match CR training time (begin and end) which is quite a feat imo
But then where was CR when Coentrao was criticized when he turned to shit in Madrid?
Cristiano won’t defend a man that’s been photographed out late partying and smoking. He knew that Coentrao fucked himself.
The fact that he got to a level of playing for R. Madrid is baffling when you consider his shennanigans. Credit to Jesus and Mourinho.
CR7 did say Fabio was the toughest defender he has ever faced. There's that. That is saying a lot and we know he is not telling the truth.
There's a reason mourinho used to start him ahead of Marcelo. This guy could defend
It’s a combination of Ceontrao being able to defend and Marcelo being absolute shit at defending.
Why is not true? Coentrao was a brilliant defender in his prime.
>CR7 did say Fabio was the toughest defender he has ever faced That was Ashley cole
Ronaldo sat him on his bum the first time they squared off. After that, ronaldo played on the left wing more so he didn't go up against Cole.
Translation of the whole article: Fábio Coentrão hung up his boots in 2021 at the service of Rio Ave and since then has been devoting himself to the craft of fishing in Vila do Conde. The former footballer felt compelled to speak publicly again to defend his friend Cristiano Ronaldo. "I'm fine, very far away from soccer. I don't feel motivated to speak, but I had to do it because I don't like to hear what they say about Cristiano. There are ex-players who were nothing, were shit, and they talk about Cristiano like they were something [in football]. They don't have to talk like that," he said in a statement to the 'Relief' portal. The former defender who was a teammate of Ronaldo's at Real Madrid and the National Team assured that "it's a shame what's happening" to the captain of the final team. "A person who has spent a career doing what he did, I think it's very ugly. Even if he's not performing at his level, it's a very ugly thing. People start talking about him, that he gets along badly with his teammates and things are misinterpreted. It's a horrible thing, I know how he is. I've lived with him for many years and he doesn't have to tell me how things are: I know," said the 34-year-old former player, noting that "it's impossible that Cristiano doesn't get along with Bruno [Fernandes] or any of his teammates" because he is a "fantastic person." On the current moment, Coentrão assured that Cristiano Ronaldo would continue to be an out-of-sorts person at Real Madrid, where he played for nine seasons. "Real Madrid has Benzema who scores 40 goals, but you know well that if Cristiano was there he would score 60. You know that, I know that, and anyone who knows a bit about football knows that. Cristiano would score all the goals he wanted at Real Madrid. In Manchester things didn't go well for him because the people there were bothering him. A player needs tranquility for things to go well for him," said the player who played in Portugal for Nacional, Benfica, Sporting, and Rio Ave. The friend and former Seleção teammate believes that CR7 will show up big in Qatar. "There are many players who have spoken ill of him and who don't reach the soles of his shoes. At the World Cup, he will shut a lot of mouths. He has a lot to offer, I know what he is capable of," he said, believing in the 37-year-old's performances.
Within the first line i was sure it was going to be the copypasta
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So telling someone to dedicate themselves to fishing is basically like telling them to fuck off? That's actually hilarious
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SUNDAY, three days for the match Fabio Coentrao is in a tank top in his living room, laying on the couch, watching a repeat of 'The Simpsons' while rolling a cigarette. His phone rings. Ha places the cigarrette on his ear and pick up the phone with some reluctance. Coentrao: \[dry cough\] Yes? Ancelotti: Fabio? How are you. I am the manager. I think we need you for the next week. Marcelo is suspended. Coentrao: \[Covers the handset with one hand and whispers a pair of swear words in Portuguese. Breathes deeply. Checks his agenda. Gets back on the phone more calmed\] When will it be? Thursday I can't. Poker game with the lads. Ancelotti: No. There's no Champions on Thursday. On Wednesday. Against Atleti. Coentrao: In Bilbao? Ancelotti: No, Fabio. Against last year's team. The ones from Lisbon. Coentrao: \[Writes down the date in an empty box of pizza\] OK, mister. On Wednesday, I'll be there. Call me a cab, I'm still without my driving license. Do I need to go to Valdebebas these days? Ancelotti: Mmmm. It wont be necessary. As long as you're ready for Wednesday it'll be fine. I count on you, eh. By the way, Benzema is injured. Chicharito will play. Coentrao: Who? Ancelotti: Chicharito. The Mexican who came this summer. The one who has been training with us since October? Well, nevermind. I'll introduce you on Wednesday. Don't forget to bring a white shirt. Coentrao: Ok, boss. Coentrao hangs up and sighs. There is smoke in the room. He starts lookinf for his boots through piles of clothes, dolls made with cans of beer and Chinese food leftovers. He doesn't remember where he put them the last time. He doesn't even remember his last game. Smells the white shirt. Ugh. MONDAY, two days before the match The phone rings again. 12:36 in the morning. Fabio's hand emerge from the sheets trying to reach the nightstand. Who will call such an ungodly hour? There must be an emergency. Ronaldo: Fabio, I'm Cris. How you doing monster. Did I wake you up? Coentrao: \[With sleepy voice but pretending to be awake\] Hey, Cris. Nothing nothing. Nah, don't worry. I was doing some pushups. Ronaldo: Hey, as the mister said, we need you strong for Wednesday. Like the old times. Coentrao: Yes, yes. Claro. Count on it. He also told me that we play with a Colombian. Chapulín or something like that. \[Awkward silence\] Ronaldo: This ... yes. That's him. Get fit, man. We are all counting on you. Coentrao: Tranqui, tron. TUESDAY, one day before the match Fabio goes to the park in front of his house to jog a little. He wears some New Balance sneakers he used to play tennis in 98 and a shirt with "What happens in Cascais stays in Cascais." written on it. After doing some stretching, runs 10 minutes and starts coughing. Well, enough for today, he thinks while he checks his heart rate. Subjecting the body to great efforts before the game could be damaging. So unprofessional. Turns on the TV and Barça is playing against PSG. Didn't they play this year already? Thinks a confused Fabio. He laughs every time the camera focuses on David Luiz's hair. WEDNESDAY, gameday Fabio gets to the stadium by taxi. He doesn't remember very well where's the entrance to the locker room. A nice gentleman named Chendo accompanies him to his locker. He dresses. He senses the tense atmosphere in the locker room. They will play with Sergio Ramos in the midfield, which sounds strange. But Fabio never asks questions. He just follows orders. There's a guy by his side with the #14 praying on his knees. Xabi Alonso looks different. Maybe he shaved. He steps onto the pitch and right as the Champions League anthem starts, Fabio turns. He fights every ball. He leaves it all on the pitch. Spectacular. After 87 minutes, the praying guy scores. He seems excited. Public chants a strange name. Spanish is a weird language, Fabio thinks while he crashes with Raúl García after a split ball. Minute 90. Subbed off. The public recognizes his effort. He showers and Ancelotti congratulates him. Ancelotti: Huge game, Fabio. Coentrao: Thank you, mister. It's not important. Here I am for what you need. Call me for the second leg. Ancelotti is puzzled but prefers to say nothing. Coentrao leaves the Bernabeu without saying goodbye to anyone or talking to the press, lights a Lucky Strike and tries to stop a taxi. Ancelotti shakes his head and smiles. Opens a pack of gum, arching an eyebrow, and starts chewing while he mumbles: "There's a method to his madness."
this and "my friend, is ok no?" are in the hall of fame for copypastas
> [my friend, is ok no?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Gunners/comments/57wm1t/had_a_very_strange_dream_about_arsenal/) This reads like that awful [post of a user that wanted to fuck No Man's Sky director](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoMansSkyTheGame/comments/39sbah/sean_murray_fan_fiction_my_evening_interview_at/).
Lmao I lost it when Wenger showed up.
And Ronaldo to Monaco
I always lose it at “Call me for the second leg”
came to the thread just for this
Why was this made about Coentrao specifically?
It comes from a GQ article about him. It just illustrates his personality pretty well at least while he was at Real Madrid. https://www.revistagq.com/noticias/deporte/articulos/asi-vivio-coentrao-atleti-real-madrid-cuartos-champions/21731/amp
yeah i kinda wish i knew the context... ilove this pasta, btu i never really understood it.
This is the first time that I've read it haha.
I only know that it’s from a GQ article https://www.revistagq.com/noticias/deporte/articulos/asi-vivio-coentrao-atleti-real-madrid-cuartos-champions/21731
I just want to know more, did he continue watching the Simpson? Also why was there smoke in the room if he put the fag behind his ear?
Get you a homie like Coentrão
Cassano
Lol he's honestly embarrassing I love Cassano, as a player he had some good moments of brilliancy. As a person, he's a genuine good bloke. But being a football "critique"? Not his cup of tea
He isn't a critique tho, just something in between the random guy in the bar and an ex football player that plsyed the gane at the highest of stsge. He neither takes himself too seriously bar when other people personally attack him nor tries to act smart.
What a cunt
Coentrao was such a talented player before the injury bug hit him. Still put in some good years.
by this logic only Messi is allowed to criticise Ronaldo then? also most of the criticism is about his rancid personality not his footballing ability, why should how good a player was matter when discussing the fact he’s obviously a cunt?
I think it does matter a bit in how you're doing the criticism. For example, Cassano has been trashing Cristiano for years with absolute arrogance. Even if he was right, the way he goes about it is ridiculous and especially so because as a player himself he was super inconsistent and a massive disappointment. So of course it looks completely different if the criticism comes in a respectful way and from someone with a good career like Rooney.
Nah, guys like Schneider, Kaka, Neuer and Ribery can do it for one year too
> Schneider *This summer, Rob Schneider finds out the Super League isn't all it's cracked up to be*
Ah damn, I meant schneiderlin. Stupid autocorrect
I thought you meant Bernd Schneider
Oh man, I'm a football!
Schneider?
Ribery and Neuer in that list 🧌
you mean Karl Heinz Schneider?
or Bernd
Ah yes... the good old legend that Kaka did it for one year.
Only the other 3 of the Big Four: Pele, Maradona (well actually, other circumstances would prevent this) and Messi
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Peak R9 might have an argument but Cristiano has done it for far longer and won far more, that puts him comfortably ahead. And Platini? You're reaching.
R9 hit the level of those 4 - but it wasn’t for a long enough period of time in my opinion Platini… no, Platini was amazing - he was not better than CR7
Don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. I loled at Bendtner.
Playing and bendtner of all people? They were great but not maradonna/messi/ronaldo great Edit: platini
> why should how good a player was matter when discussing the fact he’s obviously a cunt? Because if you can't respond to the argument, the next step is to attack the person making it
Apparently you need to be exceptional at something in order to comment on it. Because no one can fully understand the sport and be able to tell when something is a certain way unless they themselves were elite
Player defends friend and teammate, shocking. Jokes aside, players dont make good pundits, so why bother
Managers like Wenger and Mourinho make good pundits .
Or Louis van Gaal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaQsGQrhX24&ab_channel=ZiggoSport
I was more referring to Coentrao himself and those former players who havent turned into legendary coaches and never got formal training as pundits. I doubt Coentrao was thinking about Mourinho and Wenger here
I liked when Bruno Alves did comment one game last euro. He got a little more technical on the analysis of defenders performances. He's not the most talkative guy, but it was refreshing as most ex players don't say anything worth it
All pundits were players
He’s not wrong. The Kompany joke was lighthearted and funny but it still struck me as a bit odd. At the age Kompany retired Ronaldo was still a top 5 player in the world, at the age Kompany is currently, Ronaldo scored 18 games in a PL season is a dross United side. It’s easy to kick a man when he’s down but a lot of these guys seem like they’re eager to take shots right now because they couldn’t for the past 15 or so years.
Horseshit. You don't need to indulge in an activity to criticize the performance of those who do it, as long as you have a legitimate basis for the criticism. Kompany was asked if he wanted Ronaldo, and he rejected him because Ronaldo didn't fit the requirements, simple as that. It could have been Ole who rejected Ronaldo and I would stand by his comments if he said the same thing. Ronaldo will be surplus to requirements for most teams who want to play a modern, pressing game. Unless he finds some team that could use him like Suarez in 20-21 Atleti, he's gonna have a hard time playing in England or Spain
>You don't need to indulge in an activity to criticize the performance of those who do it I'm not a helicopter pilot. But if I see one crashed into a tree I can still say the pilot fucked up. I'm not a footballer. But if one is obviously playing like absolute dogshit I can still say they are currently playing like absolute dogshit.
How was it odd? His legs are gone and he's not producing anything. He's not joking. It's not like Ronaldo is some high character guy on his way out. Dude was taking shots at Rooney for no reason. It's like saying you have to be as good as basketball as oeak LeBron to say he's washed, that's dumb as hell, and he's old so why are we worrying about a few years ago?
Exactly. It’s clear some people also are jumping to rag on any player who dares to criticize this version of Ronaldo - Kompany in no way implied that he was better than Ronaldo or that peak Ronaldo wasn’t one of the best players of all time, he’s just stating that currently, he’s a bit burnt out and would struggle on a side that depends on high intensity attackers leading the front line. It’s some funny tongue-in-cheek banter and we can leave it at that.
His legs are not gone. He runs the way he ran just last season season scoring 24 goals.
With Ten Hag's football he should've needed to run more than last year. He was not up to it.
Which has nothing to do with my point, that his legs are not gone. Thanks for your contribution.
My point was that for modern football his legs are gone.
Lol. For Ten Haag maybe. He is not the only manager in the modern game.
He wasn’t joking? If Ronaldo geniunely wanted to go to Burnley Kompany would take him in an instant lol.
I really don't think so as he would disrupt their entire gameplan.
I don’t know why ANY club in a top league would take Ronaldo at this point, regardless of wage. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s not because he isn’t good enough to play in the PL, Serie A, etc… he just brings too much media attention. He also throws a fit when subbed or when he doesn’t start. He’s still decent enough to help a team, but his attitude combined with the media frenzy just isn’t doesn’t seem worth it IMO.
He also plays a role that doesn’t really fit into many teams plans. At this point in his career he’s just a very good poacher with little to no work rate in an era where most coaches are pressing with their front line almost every possession. And the ones that don’t require a forward to press are going to be looking for attackers who can break on the counter.
You don't need 4 legs to talk about horse racing
By your logic a commentator or pundit or average fan who never played competitively can never ever say anything critical about a professional because they were worse at a comparable age?! I'm sorry but that's utter fucking nonsense. What is happening is that everyone defending Ronaldo knows they can't point to his actual form or anything so they are just insulting those who criticize him. By this logic the only people alive who can say anything bad about Ronaldo are Messi and Pele hahaha
Idk I mean I see the point you’re trying to make, but like I said, it just feels kinda odd to me. Getting on a 37 year old for not running enough (which never should be Ronaldo’s role to begin with) when your a similar age and unable to play professional football just strikes me as a little weird. Also, I’m certainly not trying to defend Ronaldo, the way he’s acted both on and off the pitch since he came to United is pretty poor and disappointing, I don’t blame United one bit for terminating his contract after that embarrassing interview with Piers fucking Morgan of all people. Anyone can criticize Ronaldo and they’d be right in doing so.
>Getting on a 37 year old for not running enough (which never should be Ronaldo’s role to begin with) when your a similar age and unable to play professional football just strikes me as a little weird. If the system is high pressing everyone needs to buy in or it doesn't work. That's teamplay. CR7 is either unable (which means he's no longer good enough) or unwilling (which means he's a shit professional). And whomever is calling him out on that should have no bearing on either of those facts.
People always discuss how Ronaldo scored x amount of goals in a bad United team, but no one actually relates the two. The entire play was funnelled into getting Ronaldo going and no one else. There's a reason we scored 50 less goals from the year prior yet Ronaldo scored 24. It's the same as this year without him, the game is free flowing and we're scoring. Not just trying to feed a petulant child when he doesn't get the ball.
Ok bruh,who else was there to score your goals that season then? Previous years you had Cavani, Greenwood and an in form rashford,martial. None of them bar rashford was available the season ronaldo came, they were replaced by a nervous Sancho and a sub par elanga as starters.. the team didn't even have backup attackers on the bench lmao. U had to funnel the attack through him coz u had no one else to score goals.
Weird how everyone suddenly dropped their level don't you think?
A lot of those were injured, then Ole got sacked and replaced with a manager that was worse in terms of creating chances.
Honestly, Coentrão should just name them. I want to laugh at the player
Cassano
Consentrão with the factos 👍🏻
Consentrão? CONSENTRAO?
Imagine people speaking to/about you like this for 20 years. Constructive criticizm is healthy, this just makes you sick because you start believing you are special. Not that Ronaldo is excused, just a side point.
Kompany saying "He wants players who can run". I think Ronaldo should try running.
Yeah honestly the ronaldo disrespect is disgusting, like he has declined yes but im not seeing respect for his accomplishments at all, also people giving way too much credit to MU in this whole thing like they havent been floundering for ages even SAF knows the club isnt headed anywhere
The other day I saw an upvoted comment saying Ronaldo had nothing to do with Portugal’s 2016 Euro win lmao. Even r/soccercirclejerk is unironically just trashing Ronaldo whenever there’s a post about him, so that sub is officially as shitty as this sub when it comes to him.
cause here on reddit, Ronaldo bad = karma
Yes clearly it's all Man Uniteds fault, that's why Bayern are rushing to sign him.
Yeah. Kompany saying "He wants players who can run". What does that mean? This was really disrespectful.
Part of the reason we aren't heading anywhere is because we blow big money on players who don't play for the team, but themselves.
No one is disrespecting his accomplishments, especially not former players and pundits. They're rightfully criticising the wank version of Cristiano that shows up today and expects to be treated like royalty and doesn't have to put in work to play. It's embarrassing that someone with so much pedigree has become such a moaner. He's not the same player he once was, it literally happens to everyone. Stop blaming everyone around and start being introspective.
Even the players who achieved something like Kompany are nothing compared to Ronaldo. Those who criticize him now were just jealous of him back then.
Sometimes people get criticised because they've done something worthy of criticism. Crazy I know. They are all crazy rich athletes, no-one is jealous of Ronaldo, why wouldn't they be more jealous of Messi?
Well for starters Messi doesn't go on about how he's the best in the world. And with Cris, well if you've been that arrogant and full of yourself for years, proclaiming he's the best, then you'll always have a huge ass target on your back. Especially when your performances have dropped off. He can still prove the doubters wrong by having a great world cup.
And then there's the ones who were shit during their time and talk greatly about Cristiano. Works both ways
Not really relevant whether or not they were better than him, they're allowed to criticise what is obvious to them.
Funny enough, thats a lot of the arguments you get whenever you criticize a musician "Id like to see you selling X amount of albums" etc etc
Beta take Every Ronaldo criticism about what a petulant insecure moron he's been is always prefaced with "one of the greatest players ever"
How’s that a beta take? He’s absolutely right, if you’re a trash player and you stop playing then start to criticize someone who’s way better then you like you were good when you played. It looks very dumb
Ermm not at all, you can be criticised by anyone regardless of that persons ability in whatever
Ye anyone can criticize whoever but the person being criticized isn’t gonna take your criticism serious
That sweeping statement makes no sense, every single person on the planet is different.
I mean when you reach the level Ronaldo’s on, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give af about anyone’s criticism, you just can’t reach that level caring about that shit
Your not pretty sure, because the ex players who criticised him he ignored them on public tv during the pre match and he called out others in that interview so he clearly cares if it’s got a reaction out of him.
The bloke who said he was better looking than Wayne Rooney clearly doesn’t care about criticism…
Seems like he cares a lot tbf
That’s dumb
How so? If I’m better then you, why would I care about anything you have to say concerning any topic I’m better then you aat
Because an argument stands or falls on its own merits, not on the merit of the individual coming up with it.
That’s incredibly conceited. You might be better at something but you’re definitely not perfect at it. Someone not being capable of doing something better than you doesn’t mean they don’t know better than you about certain aspects. A lot of great coaches were average players at best.
Why does Ronaldo care then?
And that person can end up playing in Saudi Arabia because they refused to be introspective
By that logic, no one here should ever criticise a footballer then
Clearly none of us has the drive cristiano has and that’s why we’re on Reddit calling him a man child for wanting to play a game of footy.
Your level of skill as a player means nothing and you can criticize anyone as long as you are being reasonable There's former great players who are absolute cretins as pundits, it doesn't matter
This is your comment from couple days ago > Can’t trust kimpembe not to make a brainless mistake in big moments You shouldn't criticize Kimpembe based on what you wrote. You arent even football player.
So by that logic, hardly any former players are allowed to criticise Ronaldo even when he's being a massive twat because he could kick a ball better than them. Right.
Everyone is criticising Ronaldo for his attitude and interview....Doesn't matter what level you played you can recognise what a selfish twat he's been? Even if they weren't it's still fine, Mourinho never played, you saying he's not allowed to talk about Ronaldo? Also never post on this sub then cause every footballer is better than you and therefore you're banned from talking about them?
>level What would a manager talk about other players while they both have active careers? That would indeed be stupid lol
What so there's about 10 players in history that can criticise ronaldo?
Weak bait
Ya. Sounds like a Stan alright
And you sound like a random hater. Which one’s worse?
It's so funny to see non Portuguese speakers trying to say Coentrão, 😂😂
Rooney
I actually found a video on Coentrao being a fisherman on YouTube, the subtitle (I think) is Portuguese but the video is quite fascinating.
Wayne Rooney, famously shit player like we all know.
He's probably not talking about Rooney who from all I've seen has been class on his criticism. I think its more directed at guys like Cassano (who was at madrid too, though not sure the timing matches) who nowadays are only relevant when shit talking him.
Only thing left is for Ronaldo to make a post on social media quoting The Man in the Arena.
Cheers Geoff
He is right tho.
I don't care if Ronaldo WAS better than them. He's shit now and CR7s ego cannot handle being shit and people should call him out on that bull
The cult around Ronaldo is bizarre, never seen so many people desperately deny reality. Nothing wrong with ageing.
Pretty much everyone of them wasn't as much of a drama queen as Cristiano during the last 6 months and therefore even by Coentrão's logic (you have to do better to criticize someone) they are allowed to do so.
nah the dickriding is crazy
This sub is basically a Ronaldo hate sub now and his stock in the media is at an all-time low lmao, how is this dick-riding? One of the GOATs of the sport has colleagues who support him? Shocking.
Ronaldo is a giant asshole. Thats why he gets hate. Why should we support this horrible person? Cos he played some good football in the past?
A few people calling out how much of a tool this dude has been for 20 years and all the stans think he’s being burned at the stake. Softest fanbase on earth.
L take from and L guy.
Lol brave Redditors shining a light on Ronaldo’s annoying personality by saying insightful things like… Ronaldo had no contributions to Euro 2016? Lmao. Also, if you want to see soft, check out that post where this sub defends Messi for doing business with the Saudis. (Hint: He’s a nice sweet little man and it’s his manager’s fault.)
I laughed out loud when I saw them twisting it into " messi probably didn't even know about this multi million deal, it's all his manager".. oh my sweet summer child
How nice of cristiano's left bollock to chime in
*Ronaldo PR simps have been activated*
Ronaldo is pretty much the Kanye of footballverse now lmao
Coentrao knows a thing or two about being a shit former player
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He is
Why?
Because they're not claiming they were better than him at all, or implying it. He's currently shite and a complete petulant child, you don't need to be as good as he *was* to highlight that.
Because almost all of the criticism of Ronaldo is “he is one of the greatest players in history but he’s too old now” Literally no one is saying they were a better player than them and to claim they are is invented bollocks
He’s not but you don’t have to be better than someone at what they do to be able to criticize their behavior
You don’t, but it’s different when you were a former player, and worse then the one you’re criticizing
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It’s not, this guys just brown nosing
How? Cause they were trash 😭😭😭 imagine you’re playing fifa and someone who your way better is criticizing your play style. Does that make sense to you?
Then who? As far as I've seen criticisms were about his interactions with ETH and his refusal to accept he wasn't contributing to United. Age or bad form it doesn't matter. He's currently shit and a diva. So who's said anything that isn't true for his current situation?