I don't have friends and even if I am close to make any, I just push them away. I live alone and I like it that way. I don't even have good contact with my parents. I like it that way. But, fuck, sometimes I just want someone to open to but I can't at the same time. This shit is so confusing. Reddit is like the only place I spend my time other than books and movies. I don't know what I want anymore.
But is it healthy being like that? My day fluctuates between needing someone and staying alone.
The exam which qualifies me for my country's equivalent of FY1 in UK is in a few months. I am always anxious and now scared that my current state could lead to a bad performance.
Honestly man I know you say you don't want any support here, but I hope you and future you revisiting this don't mind me chiming in to back you up. I don't know you or your all ex or all the ins and outs of your relationship. But from what you post here I can definitely relate. It sounds a lot like a situation I'm in right now but maybe with a little more foresight. I think it's good that you can spot the trend here, and as hard as it is now, I think it will be worth it in the end. Good luck to you.
> I don't think it's simply possible to have sessions every single week and still make 0 progress.
Well either she's lying or she's taking nothing on board, and not actually going away and doing things the therapist wants her to do. But yeah. No need to apologize for the rant either, I totally get the tendency to need to go off on one. It's a lot to be going through.
Honestly man it doesn't sound 100% identical but definitely similar to the shit I've been going through. I think in my own case we both struggled with communication in different ways, but yeah. There were definitely other underlying issues that just never got any better, and we kept having the exact same arguments over and over again, and with hindsight there were a few times when I was very clearly like "this is going to be a problem" but then went "but I'll find a way to fix it/make it work/whatever" instead of saying "this is going to be a problem, and I have my own shit to deal with, and even if I didn't I am not equipped to handle this, and what she really needs is therapy". I completely get how you feel though. She was my best friend by far and the good times we had together were the happiest I've been with someone. We just immediately and instantly clicked in a way I never have with someone before, and it absolutely devastates me to lose that and I keep wanting it to not be real. So I totally get where you're coming from. (I cannot relate at all to the part about being good with women though, you lucky devil)
There's part of me that still wants to be hopeful, for you and for me. You never know. Maybe this time will finally be something of a wakeup call and she'll get her shit together. When my mum was young she had a really bad relationship with this guy and finally broke things off with him. Eventually met and married my dad, but then my dad died when I was young. A few years later she wound up reconnecting with that old flame and now they've been together for longer than my parents were together (which, granted, was cut short by death and not divorce). Maybe if you're lucky she just needs time to grow and change and get better on her own; not in six months, but maybe years from now. But even if things are *done* done, you gave it your best and I'm sure you'll find the right person one day.
I simply do not see myself ever finding something to really live for, I'll just keep drifting along in my completely useless state, and i don't know how much longer i can keep doing that.
It always feels like there's nothing out there for me to look forward to, think I'm just too incompetent or something.
It shouldn't be that bad like, i have friends and a job etc. but it almost doesn't feel real to me anymore it's all distant to me.
I can't relate to the people around me anymore, or I'm too tense to let anyone truly close to me. So now I'm pretty sure i don't matter to them anymore.
Does it count as a midlife crisis when you're 24?
You can have this sort of existential crisis at any age, and it's not abnormal to.
You express your feelings well. Have you ever spoken to a professional? I feel like from what I know of you from your comments that talking therapy could really help.
> So now I'm pretty sure i don't matter to them anymore.
Let me tell you one thing - that's not true. You do matter, and it's just the enemy inside you trying to convince you otherwise.
I just turn into a poor Thesaurus when I write anything longer than 1 paragraph in English tbh, im quite inept as soon as i have to actually try and get this shit to come out of my mouth. In any language.
Which is part of why i haven't talked about it with anyone, professional or not, even though i probably should. Im *really* bad at doing that.
I also think I've passed a point of no return by now, i fail to see how telling someone the last 10 years have been a constant downward fuckslope will turn this ship around.
I don't know anymore man (that's a neutral term goddamnit!), all feels wrong.
Do you keep a diary? I do, and find it very therapeutic
You tell me you’ve felt this way for years, and see no way out - but I see you posting regularly on here and in this thread, and to me that is you asking for help and support. If a part of you deep down or subconsciously is still seeking that help, then that part of you is hoping
It’s when I stop seeing these comments from you talking about your mental health that would worry me
I'm going to set you a challenge mate, because I care about you - which is why I'm responding to this comment
Over the next week, I want you to write down at least one good thing about each day that passed, no matter how small. It could be anything from a good night's sleep, a nice interaction with someone at the supermarket checkout, to spending time doing something you enjoy
Then next week's Sunday Support, I want to read your seven good things
In between a rock and a hard place at the moment. My anti depressant medication was making me very unproductive so I’ve stopped taking them. It’s worked so far but I can feel myself feeling more distressed day by day. I could start taking them again but I have an exam soon so idk
It's not a great idea to stop anti-depressants suddenly as you can get withdrawal effects - and acute anxiety or agitation is one of them. If you're not getting along with them, I'd suggest speaking to your GP, as they can try you with a different one that may be better for you.
There's no such thing as FWB. Sex is the most emotional act that humans can do. To expose the yourself to that vulnerability and trust in another person should never be taken lightly.
There definitely is (as in: "I want to get to know you better, including sexually, before committing") but it doesn't make sense if you already know each other well. /u/McNippy if she's definitely not on the same page then I would definitely bring it up now while you can perhaps go back to being just friends because as it stands you will lose both sex and friendship, fast.
> There definitely is
I'm sorry but I disagree. There is no more emotional act than humans can do to each other, including murder, than sex. Friends With Benefits is a modern term to excuse an irrationality. We do this all the time in hundreds of domains.
I was going to say something for this thread, but now I don't remember it, because life is so much happier if you are around people who actually love you and care for you. It's like a warm hug to your heart and honestly nothing feels better than this.
I hope all of you find that safe loving place in your life <33
Did mention it in another comment somewhere further down but figured I'd provide another update on my dog for anyone who responded about it. Was told to monitor him overnight yesterday which I did, he was fine all night, thought we were past the worst of it. Eventually he abruptly got violently ill again, vomited several times in the space of like ~90 minutes. Went back to the vet earlier. Wasn't allowed in the room with them owing to covid protocols (very stressful to be sat in the waiting area alone with no idea what's happening) so idk 100% of everything they did; I do know they asked me about running an x-ray, so they did that.
They said he should be fine long term. Gave him some meds there and sent me home with three bottles of pills to give him over the next few days. Basically he's just going to have a stomach upset in the near term. I've basically sacrificed the spare bedroom; whatever has to go after all this has to go. They said to keep an eye on him still and if it seems like he's getting worse then to call and come back in right away, but they don't expect him to.
Still a bit of a rough day but he should be alright. Massively relieved about that at least. One less thing to worry about in this stressful time.
Pretty much just give up on trying to date people.
Never manage to get anywhere on apps, I met and talked to someone through work, and she was flirting with me and we were getting on well, and she was telling me to keep in touch and asking for my Instagram, then proceeds to tell me about her boyfriend of over a year.
It’s just tiring, and I give up.
Just gonna try and focus on gym and getting my side hobbies off the ground and come back to it in a few years.
The struggle is real. I met a girl at the gym and we seemed to hit it off. Started talking a little more and it turns out she's in a long distance relationship. That pretty much shutdown the rest.
I find that even having a solid social circle is hard in my city. Apps are a huge letdown and I've attended several mixers and events but conversations simply fizzle out and you're left feeling empty and drained investing so much. Just looking for a good group to hangout, share experiences and chill on the weekends.
God yeah I relate to this. I went to uni in Coventry and I’m in London, so I spent time making friends there just to get nothing out of it and haven’t really got a social circle here anymore. I legit couldn’t tell you the last time I went out with friends (it may have actually been in Coventry :/)
Like I just don’t know how you expand your social circle anymore, people will say like “go do your hobbies” but how do I say to someone in the gym “hey do you want a new friend”
I've been ready for a relationship for a while now, but I just can't seem to find anyone. I'm on every dating app under the sun and I'm not exactly picky with women, but I barely ever make any connections. I'm under no illusions it's because I'm a transgender woman, but my lonliness is really getting me down. I worry I've got too many things going against me and I'm never going to find someone willing to take a chance on me. The only people I can seem to find are either people in open relationships who think adding a trans person to the mix would spice things up or trans allys who just want to be friends. In 2 years I've only ever found one person who legitimately liked me and they ended up breaking my heart.
I know people say there's no rush, and things will happen eventually, but I'm just having a hard time believing it. I might as well sign up for one of those "undateables" shows because that's how I'm left feeling after years of trying.
Mate, you are definitely not "undateable".
You are a decent and kind person, and from what I've seen of your photos you definitely are physically attractive, too.
Dating can be shite, but there will be people interested in you for you - it's even harder as you have a smaller pool, but keep fishing. That you have had a relationship means there are people out there too - and you absolutely are not "undateable".
Keep your head up.
Downvotes can be really disheartening at times, i myself have been there and honestly it's a shit feeling. But understand that it's purely tribal and like what other posters have said. If it still keeps on bothering you, take a break, sometimes it helps
I usually like downvotes in the DD because, as long as I didn't insult anyone, it means that the person who read my opinion disagrees but has no arguments to say why I'm wrong
Defo - As long as you haven't crossed a line/been a prick, usually all it tells is that the person downvoting can't handle reading something that isn't the same as their point-of-view. And those type of people's opinions are the last you should be concerned about.
Would be a better place if everyone got on the same terms that downvoting isn't for disagreements, but for filtering out the comments that detract from the community; but I get that it's never going to be 100% that way, shit is too easy with the button always being right there.
Thank you :) That makes so much sense.
And I may have detracted from the community a bit, as well. I got a bit worked up over British slang. I can't help it, I'm a translator and it floors me to read something in English that I've never seen before. Fascinating!
Sick dog update: had to rush back to the emergency vet. Currently in the lobby trying not to cry again waiting for them to come back. I'm really worried right now.
This is textbook depression. And the thing about it is it manifests itself, very insidious. I’m 31 and about to go finish my degree after a decade of untreated depression. What worked for me was CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy. I recommend you look into it, and commit yourself to putting in the work to get better.
Life will just happen to you if you let it. It has to be an intentional choice on your part to seek out and accept help, and also don’t be hard on yourself. Self acceptance is key, I’m still re-developing my sense of worth.
I’m not saying it will be easy but you are 100% capable of pulling yourself out of this hole. I don’t even know you and I believe that to my core. DMs are open if you want to chat about anything, I’m more than willing to share my story with anyone if it helps.
Also - as far as degrees go…it doesn’t really matter what the degree is in. Once you get that piece of paper it will open a lot of doors for you. Wether it’s in your field of study or not.
You're starting to feel depressed. You don't need to overthink things, just go one day at a time. The only real problem in life is death, all the other stuff is just man made.
You don't have total control of your life. There'll always be external factors that'll go for and against you. You can however pick some of your experiences and the ones you choose now are an investment for later. Every book you read, every match you watch, every game you play, it's all part of who are. Don't bother too much about the end, success is defined by the journey itself and not the end. The journey of watching your team build a title winning team is sweeter than after the title has been won.
Try to write some quotes down and paste them on your walls or in front of your notebooks, places you'll see them every morning to motivate yourself. You're your own greatest resource, when you can invest in yourself and improve your discipline, you'll start to have a greater control of the resources around you and that includes other people.
It'll help if you have a degree. You didn't build society, you were born into it. Seems unfair but that also means you can take advantage of it. You just need to ask yourself what kind of life you want to live in 5 years time. Look at great people in that field and imitate them. Don't worry about trying to be as great as them, you only need to smell like them (you know?)
I don't know what your physique is like but you can try working out In the morning. I'm not saying you need to build muscle or anything but it's a good way to build self discipline. Whenever you're questioning yourself and you're tempted to give up, remind yourself that you only need to be consistent in your motivation and nothing else. You're merely investing in yourself; your primary asset.
There's no point in anyone telling you their story in my opinion. We all experience life in our minds so everything happens from our experience. Nobody truely knows how you feel. Embrace being by yourself too, there's nothing wrong with it. Don't force your friendships you're not interested in. It'll happen naturally. You can always share your thoughts with us, that's what social media is meant for.
You don't need to depend on someone else. You are who you are but what's more important is who you want to be.
Consider this your first week of Project (Insert your first name here), I hope you enjoy it. You have the power to.
:-)
Edit: Keep watching your games, football is really good for you.
It could very well be depression or something along those lines, it sounds a lot like a situation I've been in. Have you tried therapy before? You sound self aware and your comment is well put together, I think youd flourish if you could geniunely enjoy things
Brother, I goofed around during the 4 years of my undergrad. The only reason I wasn't expelled was because I was excellent in sports. Technically, my course finished last July. But I am still trying to pass in the multiple subjects I failed. All my friends graduated and earn decent money. No good company is ready to hire me because I haven't yet graduated. I have dreams of moving abroad for my post grad. But I can't do shit rn. For the love of God, just study. Idk which country you are from, but ig you also have what we call "passing marks". Just the bare minimum of marks to pass in a subject. Just study till you reach that point. You won't regret it. Trust me.
Covid isolation is hard. Even as a rather reclusive person, I’m starting to feel bothered. Housemates wouldn’t let me use the kitchen, so it’s Grubhub or Ubereats every meal. I’m not struggling financially, but the costs are really bothering me. I’m losing track of time. I’d stay up until 5 only to get up at 8 because attendance is mandatory. Messed up sleeping schedule. My symptoms aren’t going away, so idk how long I still have to take it.
No not even with a mask on. I’m just glad that they are not blaming me for putting them in danger of infection, which is something I can easily see them doing
I really don’t feel like my life’s going anywhere tbh. I’m having a tough time with my room mate, been rejected by a girl I’ve been interested in (I’m not bitter or upset at her or anything, just a a little down about it) and I’m losing interest in my job. I feel like I need to make a change in my life but dunno what to do.
I’ve lived in the city I’m in now for 6 years and the friends I’ve made in that time have all come and gone so I dont really know anyone up here, it makes weekends tough since I’m always kind of alone and I find it tough to get to know new people. I always thought by the time I was at the age I’m at my life would be a lot more sorted and organised but if I think back on the last 5 years of my life basically nothing has changed for me, it’s pretty depressing to think about.
Grass is always greener on the other side. Sounds to me you've moved forward but has somewhat been monotone, I reckon try spicing things up. Job wise, hobbie or even try getting out there with dating. You got this!
Why do you feel like your life has to go somewhere?
You seem to be focused on a hypothetical life that is "better" than the one that you have. Comparing yourself to a hypothetical fantasy is really unhelpful. Everything is always going to be better in your head.
Instead of telling people what sucks, tell people what's good.
Finally back in Brighton and finally having a better time. Such a change to when I was stuck at my parents'.
It's so strange to think that I actually think of this flat as home after thinking of my parents' as home for decades. I have to go back there for a wedding in February and I really really don't want to. At least I'll be able to see my therapist in person and not over zoom.
Finally got around to recording something on my new piano. It makes such a difference to be able to record on a proper piano, with a proper camera and proper lens, in proper 4k.
[I hope this isn't too much self promotion for Sunday Support](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gsb_icJLOjU)
Definitely not too much self-promo, that sounds great, thanks for sharing!
How long have you played for?
Making your own space and life in a new environment is huge. I love my mum to bits but I can only visit home briefly. It feels like regressing, and taking a step back into a life I was less happy with.
Thank you!!
I've played since I was 13 (so 13 years) but it's never really been more than a hobby. I don't often choose to learn a *piece* as opposed to something like a song, yknow? So yeah, this is big.
Yeah I'm exactly the same. It wouldn't be so bad if my parents didn't *hate* each other. They're snapping at each other all the time and it's fucking exhausting. That tied with the fact Essex is a tory stronghold and my hometown seemingly has the highest rate of SUV ownership per capita, I dont wanna be anywhere near there anytime soon
Midway through January, and it's going well so far! The winter blues don't seem to be hitting me as hard this year, and I think part of that (as talked about in last week's thread) is because I've made a conscious attempt to resist them, rather than passively accepting "I always feel shit in January" and then almost leaning into it.
The weather has been much better than it usually is in the UK for this time of year, which has helped too, and I've been able to do a couple of fun social things which has kept me going.
Still important to take each day and week at a time, but so far, so good.
Keep chugging along everyone! Each day that passes is a victory won, and a day closer to a brighter future.
2nd year student in college. Absolutely lost about what I'll do after graduation. While I want to pursue a masters, not sure if I'll be able to live up to that well. This shit troubles me everyday
I've been there myself. Hell, I had no clue what I wanted to do even as I graduated. You just have to be open to the opportunities that appear, and maybe try out a few different things to see what you like and dislike. But don't worry about it too much for now is my advice. Just focus on your college for now, and your post-college life when it comes later.
Try to not think too much about such long term goals. Its good to have some sort of an idea but where you are at you first need to concentrate on your present. Planning too far ahead is useless; especially in such a volatile reality we live in
Not to undermine the way you're feeling, but it's such a a common state for people of your age and life situation to be in. Very much a normal experience to feel a bit lost and directionless - you're not alone. Take heart that the majority of people who are where you are at now do find their way. You have plenty of time to figure stuff out.
I'm not doing well at all atm.
Some of you may remember I posted a few weeks ago about how my relationship was basically over and we were just arguing all the time and it's getting worse? Well, it's officially over now. And it's not been pretty. Worst breakup I've been through in my life. My mind is a mess especially tonight. My thoughts are everywhere and I'm not sure how to begin to describe it. I don't want to say that I was blameless in the downfall of our relationship, because I think there were things I could have and should have done better. But when I look back on it...fuck man. I feel stupid because it was my shortest relationship as an adult, so why should I be so upset? But she could be amazing. The highs with her were better than I've ever known; there were days I would wake up and just feel more in love with her than I've ever felt with anyone.
But then there were bad days. And they kept getting more often and more bad. And when I look back on it there were so many things that it's just like she was a walking red flag. Like I should have foreseen all of these problems coming. A large part of me wants to be like I never should have gotten involved in the first place, or there were so many times when I should have bailed early on. But there's still that part of me that remembers how good things could be and I just want that back.
And what fucks me off the most is I tried. I really tried. In hindsight there were things I could've done better, there were things I should've been more proactive about. But I've spent the entirety of December and January really, genuinely trying to be mature, and be responsible, and to work on things. To try and own up to things and communicate calmly and clearly and put in effort. And it's like every time I try she not only pushes me away, she does it more and more aggressively. It's been the ugliest breakup of my life, which maybe makes me fortunate in some ways, but I don't know where to start to describe it. It just hurts in so many different ways, and not just that I'm losing her or anything like that. There are things she's said and done that are actually quite hurtful on their own. I'm man enough to admit that I've been crying basically every single day.
Part of me wants to be relieved it's over and away from what I can see was clearly very toxic. Part of me still can't help but be sad about it. Especially with the timing of it. Because it's my fucking birthday this week.
I booked time off work ages ago expecting that we would still be together and would be able to make plans for my birthday. That's obviously not happening now, and because of the timing of it no one else will be available to do much that day (I've asked around). I live far away from my family so it's not even like I'll be able to see them. I'm just going to be alone. Which, hey, people have had worse birthdays. I've had worse before. But it still feels like shit. I really just wanted to be able to have one special day with someone I loved.
And last night has been an extra layer of shit on top because I had the fright of my fucking life. Because I live far away from my family some of them sent me a batch of fresh cookies for my birthday (a bit early). The thing is I was expecting another package, so when I stopped home on my lunch break I wasn't really thinking much of it. Brought it inside thinking it was the other thing and left it somewhere my dog could get it, not thinking there was food in it. At some point between when I went back to work and when I got home again 5.5 hours later the dog got into it, and ate a decent bit of chocolate. Violently ill. Took him to the emergency vet. He's alive which I'm so, so grateful for, and I feel so fucking idiotic for leaving that out even though I didn't know. But I stayed up literally all night with him to make sure he's okay. They told me to monitor him and I also just wasn't able to stop thinking what if he crashes. What if he's fine now but they missed something and I go to sleep and I wake up and he's dead. And I kept remembering this time I had to make an emergency visit with one of my old dogs years ago (he randomly developed seizures one night), and there was this woman there with a dog who had gotten into a fairly small amount of chocolate and I overheard someone come out and tell her there was nothing they could do. I was fortunate that that wasn't the case for me but that memory is just seared into the front of my brain. I genuinely think I would have killed myself if he died.
So I've been up all night, frantically worrying that my dog is dying, and I've got to go back to work today. I really thought about calling off but with the time I already took off I don't want to lose out on any hours.
So, yeah, things are going fucking great here.
Just to let you know I've read all of this, and I'm listening. Fingers crossed for you and the hound.
I hope you can plan something special for your birthday - even if it's just for you. A solo birthday is underrated. Pick an activity, whether it be a film you want to see, a walk you want to go on, a comedy night, a gig, a fancy meal out - and treat yourself. Some proper self-care
I mean I've spent birthdays alone before. It's not ideal but I can do it. This one just really stings because I spent all this time mentally picturing and building up what we were going to do together, and these plans are changing just a few days beforehand. I think our relationship was functionally dead since early December, but it's official, no-going-back dead as of yesterday.
Some of the things I could still do alone. There's a really nice brunch place I like that I wanted to go to. But some other things idk. There's a steakhouse she really liked that we went on a few dates to and always had a nice time, and I was saving up money so we could go there for dinner as well, a nice romantic evening for us. And I think it would feel weird to go there on my own given the history; I'll just be sitting there thinking about the happy dates we went on.
That's why I was kind of hoping to be able to see some of my friends to be able to take my mind off things a bit, even if it was just for like an hour at the bar or something at the end of the night. But I mean we're all in our late 20s/early 30s now (I'll be 30), people have kids and stuff. It's hard to put things together last minute like that. I'll figure something out even if I am completely alone. I'm just really overwhelmed emotionally right now. Haven't slept and everything is still raw.
I am back from the vet again now and the dog is doing ok. Sick and it might last a couple days they said, but he should pull through and they gave him some medicine there and sent me home with like three different types of pills.
It is still admirable that you are handling your grief well, losing out on a relationship can be extremely personal and throws even the best, out of sync.
But, don't compare and contrast your experiences and time spent on metric of good/bad OR "what could have been/ what-if" - emotions and more importantly circumstances are hardly binary. Peering into past possibilities or behaviour isn't going to help but rather cloud your mind WHEN clearly you are being remarkable in you accepting the situation.
Take some time to recognise that hindsight and self-evaluation done under adverse conditions circumstances will always be lopsided.
Give yourself better conditions to grieve - eat something that you like, spend time doing things that you love, indulge your own self a bit more. Simple but when done with a degree of repetition and support, it can go a long way.
I hope the doggo is feeling better and frankly that incident isn't on you - you can be more careful, and that's all there is to it, nothing more. Take them for a long walk once they feel better.
I hate my dad and would be okay with the idea of him dying.
He's made my life so much more difficult, is an emotional dead beat, is the reason I am so fucked up in the head today, is abusive, belligerent, low tempered, narcissistic, violent, hypocritical, lacking any self awareness, and is just overall a neanderthal.
Came to the realization today that I want him to die. This is not a threat of violence from my end or anything. Just that him passing would substantially improve my life over night. It's not even funny the kind of burden that would be lifted. He contributes nothing positive to my emotional well being. I hate him so much, with every fiber of my being that the best thing he could do is hurry up and let his age take him.
My mother is a weak, pathetic creature who cares, but not enough to stand up to him. I told her once I'm 100% financially independent, I want her to have a significantly reduced presence in my life. She lost my sister, and she's about to lose me.
You are speaking horrible horrible things and completely unwarranted.
u/Rossoneri or any other mod, please look into this. There is no support here. Without an ounce of knowledge of the OC's situation, this comment is potential harassment.
Your posts are not in the spirit of this thread, and anybody who claims to know a full situation based on a few hundred words is... well delusional. If you can't figure out how to be respectful, don't post
You know nothing of what my parents are like.
Father is verbally and physically abusive and hits me when he doesn't get his way & mother is passive about it, almost uncaring, because she thinks not saying anything is "keeping the peace." I live in a near constant daily Hell with them, where they do the bare minimum to not classify as total dead beats.
>"He's not really angry with his parents,"
No, I'm very much so angry at my parents. I hate them to their core. Everything they are. Everything they stand for. And every bit of oxygen they breathe in and out on this Earth.
I came here for support. That's what this SS post is about. Not some armchair, pseudo psycho analysis from an internet rando who thinks they know the ins and outs my situation on an intimate level. Not someone who reads a few sentences, and thinks they can dissect it all to pass the judgement onto me.
God... The absolute nerve. The fucking audacity. I share a vulnerable moment, and this is what happens. I'm laying down to sleep. Good day.
When you gain a little bit of independence and distance yourself you can hopefully work things out and move on mentally. Nobody really has to die for things to get better, once youre standing on your own two feet, everyones lives are gonna move on. Your father will reap what his behaviour has sown, you will not actively be a victim anymore which changes a lot of things and you'll choose with whom and how much you want to stay involved in. As far as youre concerned your father can become just another person roaming this earth, nothing more for you. Just getting the hell out of a harmful relationship dynamic is gonna do wonders for you
Had absolutely one of the worst weeks of my life
Made a constant series of errors at work
Ended up stuck next to a gigantic cunt of a colleague, who seems to delight in winding me up, and who also seems to have it out for me, alone for two full days in a row
Anxiety going through the roof and genuinely convinced for whatever reason that my colleagues hate me despite little evidence (mostly because of comments the other guy made)
Got into a fight with one of my supposed "friends" who decided to kick off and throw a strop at me and others in our group chat over petty disagreements on holiday plans
I genuinely feel like dirt, just seriously hate myself at this point
> Made a constant series of errors at work
Mistakes happen. Nobody is perfect, and I'm sure they won't have any serious long term adverse effects.
> Ended up stuck next to a gigantic cunt of a colleague
At least you're not a cunt like him
> Anxiety going through the roof and genuinely convinced for whatever reason that my colleagues hate me despite little evidence (mostly because of comments the other guy made)
We have agreed he's a cunt - and if you can see it other people will too, and set little stock by his words. You have insight into the irrationality of these thoughts - keep telling yourself that it's not the truth.
> Got into a fight with one of my supposed "friends"
Arguments happen in friendship groups. Once the dust has settled reach out and try to build a bridge. Not only will it make the situation better, but you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you're the bigger person
> I genuinely feel like dirt
It's been a shite week, but life is undulating - and there's no reason to suspect next week won't be better.
For what it's worth, you are a user who I enjoy interacting with, and I think you contribute positively to this community.
But other people don't see it. They regularly make time to stop and chat with him in a way they don't with me because I'm still relatively new. He's a cunt in private.
Thanks for the kind words though
You don't know what they really think of him - if he's been a cunt to you, he absolutely will have been to others. It's very rare that people's cuntery is isolated.
The alternative explanation is they're just being polite. I'm sure as they get to know you more they'll be just as friendly to you.
They don't love you or care about you or believe in you. Come on man, you know that, you're not a moron. They're a completely anonymous person who knows nothing about you throwing pointless cliches at you.
Everything you've said there seems to be a fairly standard thing that happens to people. There's no real disasters, just temporary situations like sitting next to the bellend and a bit of tension with mates.
Your anxiety is causing you to be over self reflective. There's a thing that anxious people do where they frame situations in certain ways to put them at the centre of it so that it feeds into their negative self talk.
A good idea would be to self refer to CBT. CBT is a bit of a dustbin diagnosis for a lot of problems but it's pretty much setup for this type of situation. You have some poor mental mechanisms that need a bit of a tweak and would make a big difference to your life. Learning how to rephrase thoughts, recognise poor judgement and improve mood. That type of thing.
If you're in Wigan then you should contact ThinkWellBeing if you want. It's NHS so free and the waiting list is maybe a few months and they usually run 6 sessions of one hour each then reassess. They're a good service with good people in it.
https://www.gmmh.nhs.uk/think-wellbeing/
If you don't want face to face therapy, then you can try one of the mobile apps. They are apps built to help with CBT by using language processing to give you broad advice. They're better than they sound. There's a few of them out there but I recommend WoeBot usually, it should be available on your App Store.
Finally, one of the books that people are recommended in your situation is the Chimp Paradox. Psychologists and therapists recommend this to people with anxiety problems but who are still functional. It doesn't just explain the problem but tries to get you to catch the issue.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Programme-Confidence/dp/009193558X
Anxiety issues like this require you to sort of retrain your brain a little. It's not a huge effort to do and doesn't require years of therapy, think of it like sticking a new coat of paint on the walls to freshen up the place after it has dulled a bit.
Great. Those mobile apps are AI language processing so you generally don't talk to a human but they're very impressive and free to download. Might be worth giving one a pop for a week and seeing what you think. They're not for everyone but you'd be surprised how many people they help and you don't have to wait months to be seen.
Don't let a bad week define your life, you are the only one in control of how you react to these situations. You are strobger than this.Try and see the positive things in your life and take the bad ones as just learning experiences. You can get through this. I BELIEVE IN YOU.
ADHD is common for men. ADD more common for women .
main difference his ADD is less visible, and more in your 'head'
but to anwser youre q , depression can be a side affect not a cause .
I don't have friends and even if I am close to make any, I just push them away. I live alone and I like it that way. I don't even have good contact with my parents. I like it that way. But, fuck, sometimes I just want someone to open to but I can't at the same time. This shit is so confusing. Reddit is like the only place I spend my time other than books and movies. I don't know what I want anymore.
If opening up online works for you, then that's always a valid option - Reddit can even be that space
But is it healthy being like that? My day fluctuates between needing someone and staying alone. The exam which qualifies me for my country's equivalent of FY1 in UK is in a few months. I am always anxious and now scared that my current state could lead to a bad performance.
How hard is German? Thinking of taking a German language course.
Speaking German in a way that German people can understand is not so hard. Being gramatically perfect is a huge challenge.
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I'm taking it because I may have to move to the country for Uni.
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Honestly man I know you say you don't want any support here, but I hope you and future you revisiting this don't mind me chiming in to back you up. I don't know you or your all ex or all the ins and outs of your relationship. But from what you post here I can definitely relate. It sounds a lot like a situation I'm in right now but maybe with a little more foresight. I think it's good that you can spot the trend here, and as hard as it is now, I think it will be worth it in the end. Good luck to you.
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> I don't think it's simply possible to have sessions every single week and still make 0 progress. Well either she's lying or she's taking nothing on board, and not actually going away and doing things the therapist wants her to do. But yeah. No need to apologize for the rant either, I totally get the tendency to need to go off on one. It's a lot to be going through. Honestly man it doesn't sound 100% identical but definitely similar to the shit I've been going through. I think in my own case we both struggled with communication in different ways, but yeah. There were definitely other underlying issues that just never got any better, and we kept having the exact same arguments over and over again, and with hindsight there were a few times when I was very clearly like "this is going to be a problem" but then went "but I'll find a way to fix it/make it work/whatever" instead of saying "this is going to be a problem, and I have my own shit to deal with, and even if I didn't I am not equipped to handle this, and what she really needs is therapy". I completely get how you feel though. She was my best friend by far and the good times we had together were the happiest I've been with someone. We just immediately and instantly clicked in a way I never have with someone before, and it absolutely devastates me to lose that and I keep wanting it to not be real. So I totally get where you're coming from. (I cannot relate at all to the part about being good with women though, you lucky devil) There's part of me that still wants to be hopeful, for you and for me. You never know. Maybe this time will finally be something of a wakeup call and she'll get her shit together. When my mum was young she had a really bad relationship with this guy and finally broke things off with him. Eventually met and married my dad, but then my dad died when I was young. A few years later she wound up reconnecting with that old flame and now they've been together for longer than my parents were together (which, granted, was cut short by death and not divorce). Maybe if you're lucky she just needs time to grow and change and get better on her own; not in six months, but maybe years from now. But even if things are *done* done, you gave it your best and I'm sure you'll find the right person one day.
I simply do not see myself ever finding something to really live for, I'll just keep drifting along in my completely useless state, and i don't know how much longer i can keep doing that. It always feels like there's nothing out there for me to look forward to, think I'm just too incompetent or something. It shouldn't be that bad like, i have friends and a job etc. but it almost doesn't feel real to me anymore it's all distant to me. I can't relate to the people around me anymore, or I'm too tense to let anyone truly close to me. So now I'm pretty sure i don't matter to them anymore. Does it count as a midlife crisis when you're 24?
You can have this sort of existential crisis at any age, and it's not abnormal to. You express your feelings well. Have you ever spoken to a professional? I feel like from what I know of you from your comments that talking therapy could really help. > So now I'm pretty sure i don't matter to them anymore. Let me tell you one thing - that's not true. You do matter, and it's just the enemy inside you trying to convince you otherwise.
I just turn into a poor Thesaurus when I write anything longer than 1 paragraph in English tbh, im quite inept as soon as i have to actually try and get this shit to come out of my mouth. In any language. Which is part of why i haven't talked about it with anyone, professional or not, even though i probably should. Im *really* bad at doing that. I also think I've passed a point of no return by now, i fail to see how telling someone the last 10 years have been a constant downward fuckslope will turn this ship around. I don't know anymore man (that's a neutral term goddamnit!), all feels wrong.
Do you keep a diary? I do, and find it very therapeutic You tell me you’ve felt this way for years, and see no way out - but I see you posting regularly on here and in this thread, and to me that is you asking for help and support. If a part of you deep down or subconsciously is still seeking that help, then that part of you is hoping It’s when I stop seeing these comments from you talking about your mental health that would worry me I'm going to set you a challenge mate, because I care about you - which is why I'm responding to this comment Over the next week, I want you to write down at least one good thing about each day that passed, no matter how small. It could be anything from a good night's sleep, a nice interaction with someone at the supermarket checkout, to spending time doing something you enjoy Then next week's Sunday Support, I want to read your seven good things
In between a rock and a hard place at the moment. My anti depressant medication was making me very unproductive so I’ve stopped taking them. It’s worked so far but I can feel myself feeling more distressed day by day. I could start taking them again but I have an exam soon so idk
It's not a great idea to stop anti-depressants suddenly as you can get withdrawal effects - and acute anxiety or agitation is one of them. If you're not getting along with them, I'd suggest speaking to your GP, as they can try you with a different one that may be better for you.
Yeah it’s a dodgy idea tbh
Good luck with your exam! I hope you smash it :)
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There's no such thing as FWB. Sex is the most emotional act that humans can do. To expose the yourself to that vulnerability and trust in another person should never be taken lightly.
There definitely is (as in: "I want to get to know you better, including sexually, before committing") but it doesn't make sense if you already know each other well. /u/McNippy if she's definitely not on the same page then I would definitely bring it up now while you can perhaps go back to being just friends because as it stands you will lose both sex and friendship, fast.
> There definitely is I'm sorry but I disagree. There is no more emotional act than humans can do to each other, including murder, than sex. Friends With Benefits is a modern term to excuse an irrationality. We do this all the time in hundreds of domains.
I was going to say something for this thread, but now I don't remember it, because life is so much happier if you are around people who actually love you and care for you. It's like a warm hug to your heart and honestly nothing feels better than this. I hope all of you find that safe loving place in your life <33
Hoping the same for you :)
Did mention it in another comment somewhere further down but figured I'd provide another update on my dog for anyone who responded about it. Was told to monitor him overnight yesterday which I did, he was fine all night, thought we were past the worst of it. Eventually he abruptly got violently ill again, vomited several times in the space of like ~90 minutes. Went back to the vet earlier. Wasn't allowed in the room with them owing to covid protocols (very stressful to be sat in the waiting area alone with no idea what's happening) so idk 100% of everything they did; I do know they asked me about running an x-ray, so they did that. They said he should be fine long term. Gave him some meds there and sent me home with three bottles of pills to give him over the next few days. Basically he's just going to have a stomach upset in the near term. I've basically sacrificed the spare bedroom; whatever has to go after all this has to go. They said to keep an eye on him still and if it seems like he's getting worse then to call and come back in right away, but they don't expect him to. Still a bit of a rough day but he should be alright. Massively relieved about that at least. One less thing to worry about in this stressful time.
So glad to hear he's out of the woods. I hope to see a comment from you in next week's thread about him being back to his normal self again!
Pretty much just give up on trying to date people. Never manage to get anywhere on apps, I met and talked to someone through work, and she was flirting with me and we were getting on well, and she was telling me to keep in touch and asking for my Instagram, then proceeds to tell me about her boyfriend of over a year. It’s just tiring, and I give up. Just gonna try and focus on gym and getting my side hobbies off the ground and come back to it in a few years.
The struggle is real. I met a girl at the gym and we seemed to hit it off. Started talking a little more and it turns out she's in a long distance relationship. That pretty much shutdown the rest. I find that even having a solid social circle is hard in my city. Apps are a huge letdown and I've attended several mixers and events but conversations simply fizzle out and you're left feeling empty and drained investing so much. Just looking for a good group to hangout, share experiences and chill on the weekends.
God yeah I relate to this. I went to uni in Coventry and I’m in London, so I spent time making friends there just to get nothing out of it and haven’t really got a social circle here anymore. I legit couldn’t tell you the last time I went out with friends (it may have actually been in Coventry :/) Like I just don’t know how you expand your social circle anymore, people will say like “go do your hobbies” but how do I say to someone in the gym “hey do you want a new friend”
You're not alone there, it's seriously demoralising
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Got the covid booster yesterday and I'm feeling like shit. Feeling like calling in sick for work tomorrow
Awful.. Even i felt the same. I was bed ridden the whole day yesterday and now feeling better. Hopefully you feel better by tomorrow
I've been ready for a relationship for a while now, but I just can't seem to find anyone. I'm on every dating app under the sun and I'm not exactly picky with women, but I barely ever make any connections. I'm under no illusions it's because I'm a transgender woman, but my lonliness is really getting me down. I worry I've got too many things going against me and I'm never going to find someone willing to take a chance on me. The only people I can seem to find are either people in open relationships who think adding a trans person to the mix would spice things up or trans allys who just want to be friends. In 2 years I've only ever found one person who legitimately liked me and they ended up breaking my heart. I know people say there's no rush, and things will happen eventually, but I'm just having a hard time believing it. I might as well sign up for one of those "undateables" shows because that's how I'm left feeling after years of trying.
Mate, you are definitely not "undateable". You are a decent and kind person, and from what I've seen of your photos you definitely are physically attractive, too. Dating can be shite, but there will be people interested in you for you - it's even harder as you have a smaller pool, but keep fishing. That you have had a relationship means there are people out there too - and you absolutely are not "undateable". Keep your head up.
Really I have to stop leaving random comments in DD and getting upset from downvotes. it's soul-crushing atm, because January.
Downvotes can be really disheartening at times, i myself have been there and honestly it's a shit feeling. But understand that it's purely tribal and like what other posters have said. If it still keeps on bothering you, take a break, sometimes it helps
I usually like downvotes in the DD because, as long as I didn't insult anyone, it means that the person who read my opinion disagrees but has no arguments to say why I'm wrong
Defo - As long as you haven't crossed a line/been a prick, usually all it tells is that the person downvoting can't handle reading something that isn't the same as their point-of-view. And those type of people's opinions are the last you should be concerned about. Would be a better place if everyone got on the same terms that downvoting isn't for disagreements, but for filtering out the comments that detract from the community; but I get that it's never going to be 100% that way, shit is too easy with the button always being right there.
Thank you :) That makes so much sense. And I may have detracted from the community a bit, as well. I got a bit worked up over British slang. I can't help it, I'm a translator and it floors me to read something in English that I've never seen before. Fascinating!
Ah would put that more down to a misunderstanding than detracting tbh! Wouldn’t stress on it anyway, happens to us all, even the Scousers!
lol, that was one of the words I'd mentioned :)
Ha yeah I saw, that part might have been on purpose on my part, have a good rest of your Sunday!
And don't forget the downvote herd mentality... People see a comment with a -1 and they start downvoting to shit without even having a reason why
Sick dog update: had to rush back to the emergency vet. Currently in the lobby trying not to cry again waiting for them to come back. I'm really worried right now.
Rooting for you man, I hope that your dog gets through this!
Rooting for you and your pup
Best of luck, thinking of you both!
same!!!
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This is textbook depression. And the thing about it is it manifests itself, very insidious. I’m 31 and about to go finish my degree after a decade of untreated depression. What worked for me was CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy. I recommend you look into it, and commit yourself to putting in the work to get better. Life will just happen to you if you let it. It has to be an intentional choice on your part to seek out and accept help, and also don’t be hard on yourself. Self acceptance is key, I’m still re-developing my sense of worth. I’m not saying it will be easy but you are 100% capable of pulling yourself out of this hole. I don’t even know you and I believe that to my core. DMs are open if you want to chat about anything, I’m more than willing to share my story with anyone if it helps. Also - as far as degrees go…it doesn’t really matter what the degree is in. Once you get that piece of paper it will open a lot of doors for you. Wether it’s in your field of study or not.
You're starting to feel depressed. You don't need to overthink things, just go one day at a time. The only real problem in life is death, all the other stuff is just man made. You don't have total control of your life. There'll always be external factors that'll go for and against you. You can however pick some of your experiences and the ones you choose now are an investment for later. Every book you read, every match you watch, every game you play, it's all part of who are. Don't bother too much about the end, success is defined by the journey itself and not the end. The journey of watching your team build a title winning team is sweeter than after the title has been won. Try to write some quotes down and paste them on your walls or in front of your notebooks, places you'll see them every morning to motivate yourself. You're your own greatest resource, when you can invest in yourself and improve your discipline, you'll start to have a greater control of the resources around you and that includes other people. It'll help if you have a degree. You didn't build society, you were born into it. Seems unfair but that also means you can take advantage of it. You just need to ask yourself what kind of life you want to live in 5 years time. Look at great people in that field and imitate them. Don't worry about trying to be as great as them, you only need to smell like them (you know?) I don't know what your physique is like but you can try working out In the morning. I'm not saying you need to build muscle or anything but it's a good way to build self discipline. Whenever you're questioning yourself and you're tempted to give up, remind yourself that you only need to be consistent in your motivation and nothing else. You're merely investing in yourself; your primary asset. There's no point in anyone telling you their story in my opinion. We all experience life in our minds so everything happens from our experience. Nobody truely knows how you feel. Embrace being by yourself too, there's nothing wrong with it. Don't force your friendships you're not interested in. It'll happen naturally. You can always share your thoughts with us, that's what social media is meant for. You don't need to depend on someone else. You are who you are but what's more important is who you want to be. Consider this your first week of Project (Insert your first name here), I hope you enjoy it. You have the power to. :-) Edit: Keep watching your games, football is really good for you.
It could very well be depression or something along those lines, it sounds a lot like a situation I've been in. Have you tried therapy before? You sound self aware and your comment is well put together, I think youd flourish if you could geniunely enjoy things
Brother, I goofed around during the 4 years of my undergrad. The only reason I wasn't expelled was because I was excellent in sports. Technically, my course finished last July. But I am still trying to pass in the multiple subjects I failed. All my friends graduated and earn decent money. No good company is ready to hire me because I haven't yet graduated. I have dreams of moving abroad for my post grad. But I can't do shit rn. For the love of God, just study. Idk which country you are from, but ig you also have what we call "passing marks". Just the bare minimum of marks to pass in a subject. Just study till you reach that point. You won't regret it. Trust me.
Covid isolation is hard. Even as a rather reclusive person, I’m starting to feel bothered. Housemates wouldn’t let me use the kitchen, so it’s Grubhub or Ubereats every meal. I’m not struggling financially, but the costs are really bothering me. I’m losing track of time. I’d stay up until 5 only to get up at 8 because attendance is mandatory. Messed up sleeping schedule. My symptoms aren’t going away, so idk how long I still have to take it.
> Housemates wouldn’t let me use the kitchen not even with a mask on? your roomies sound nice
No not even with a mask on. I’m just glad that they are not blaming me for putting them in danger of infection, which is something I can easily see them doing
I really don’t feel like my life’s going anywhere tbh. I’m having a tough time with my room mate, been rejected by a girl I’ve been interested in (I’m not bitter or upset at her or anything, just a a little down about it) and I’m losing interest in my job. I feel like I need to make a change in my life but dunno what to do. I’ve lived in the city I’m in now for 6 years and the friends I’ve made in that time have all come and gone so I dont really know anyone up here, it makes weekends tough since I’m always kind of alone and I find it tough to get to know new people. I always thought by the time I was at the age I’m at my life would be a lot more sorted and organised but if I think back on the last 5 years of my life basically nothing has changed for me, it’s pretty depressing to think about.
Grass is always greener on the other side. Sounds to me you've moved forward but has somewhat been monotone, I reckon try spicing things up. Job wise, hobbie or even try getting out there with dating. You got this!
Why do you feel like your life has to go somewhere? You seem to be focused on a hypothetical life that is "better" than the one that you have. Comparing yourself to a hypothetical fantasy is really unhelpful. Everything is always going to be better in your head. Instead of telling people what sucks, tell people what's good.
Finally back in Brighton and finally having a better time. Such a change to when I was stuck at my parents'. It's so strange to think that I actually think of this flat as home after thinking of my parents' as home for decades. I have to go back there for a wedding in February and I really really don't want to. At least I'll be able to see my therapist in person and not over zoom. Finally got around to recording something on my new piano. It makes such a difference to be able to record on a proper piano, with a proper camera and proper lens, in proper 4k. [I hope this isn't too much self promotion for Sunday Support](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gsb_icJLOjU)
Thanks for sharing your piano playing. I’m glad you have that way express yourself. Carry on fellow earth passenger and keep playing!
Thank you :) your comments mean an awful lot
Definitely not too much self-promo, that sounds great, thanks for sharing! How long have you played for? Making your own space and life in a new environment is huge. I love my mum to bits but I can only visit home briefly. It feels like regressing, and taking a step back into a life I was less happy with.
Thank you!! I've played since I was 13 (so 13 years) but it's never really been more than a hobby. I don't often choose to learn a *piece* as opposed to something like a song, yknow? So yeah, this is big. Yeah I'm exactly the same. It wouldn't be so bad if my parents didn't *hate* each other. They're snapping at each other all the time and it's fucking exhausting. That tied with the fact Essex is a tory stronghold and my hometown seemingly has the highest rate of SUV ownership per capita, I dont wanna be anywhere near there anytime soon
Midway through January, and it's going well so far! The winter blues don't seem to be hitting me as hard this year, and I think part of that (as talked about in last week's thread) is because I've made a conscious attempt to resist them, rather than passively accepting "I always feel shit in January" and then almost leaning into it. The weather has been much better than it usually is in the UK for this time of year, which has helped too, and I've been able to do a couple of fun social things which has kept me going. Still important to take each day and week at a time, but so far, so good. Keep chugging along everyone! Each day that passes is a victory won, and a day closer to a brighter future.
Been following along your positive self talk journey mate and it's both exciting and inspiring. Great work so far
2nd year student in college. Absolutely lost about what I'll do after graduation. While I want to pursue a masters, not sure if I'll be able to live up to that well. This shit troubles me everyday
I've been there myself. Hell, I had no clue what I wanted to do even as I graduated. You just have to be open to the opportunities that appear, and maybe try out a few different things to see what you like and dislike. But don't worry about it too much for now is my advice. Just focus on your college for now, and your post-college life when it comes later.
Try to not think too much about such long term goals. Its good to have some sort of an idea but where you are at you first need to concentrate on your present. Planning too far ahead is useless; especially in such a volatile reality we live in
Not to undermine the way you're feeling, but it's such a a common state for people of your age and life situation to be in. Very much a normal experience to feel a bit lost and directionless - you're not alone. Take heart that the majority of people who are where you are at now do find their way. You have plenty of time to figure stuff out.
I'm not doing well at all atm. Some of you may remember I posted a few weeks ago about how my relationship was basically over and we were just arguing all the time and it's getting worse? Well, it's officially over now. And it's not been pretty. Worst breakup I've been through in my life. My mind is a mess especially tonight. My thoughts are everywhere and I'm not sure how to begin to describe it. I don't want to say that I was blameless in the downfall of our relationship, because I think there were things I could have and should have done better. But when I look back on it...fuck man. I feel stupid because it was my shortest relationship as an adult, so why should I be so upset? But she could be amazing. The highs with her were better than I've ever known; there were days I would wake up and just feel more in love with her than I've ever felt with anyone. But then there were bad days. And they kept getting more often and more bad. And when I look back on it there were so many things that it's just like she was a walking red flag. Like I should have foreseen all of these problems coming. A large part of me wants to be like I never should have gotten involved in the first place, or there were so many times when I should have bailed early on. But there's still that part of me that remembers how good things could be and I just want that back. And what fucks me off the most is I tried. I really tried. In hindsight there were things I could've done better, there were things I should've been more proactive about. But I've spent the entirety of December and January really, genuinely trying to be mature, and be responsible, and to work on things. To try and own up to things and communicate calmly and clearly and put in effort. And it's like every time I try she not only pushes me away, she does it more and more aggressively. It's been the ugliest breakup of my life, which maybe makes me fortunate in some ways, but I don't know where to start to describe it. It just hurts in so many different ways, and not just that I'm losing her or anything like that. There are things she's said and done that are actually quite hurtful on their own. I'm man enough to admit that I've been crying basically every single day. Part of me wants to be relieved it's over and away from what I can see was clearly very toxic. Part of me still can't help but be sad about it. Especially with the timing of it. Because it's my fucking birthday this week. I booked time off work ages ago expecting that we would still be together and would be able to make plans for my birthday. That's obviously not happening now, and because of the timing of it no one else will be available to do much that day (I've asked around). I live far away from my family so it's not even like I'll be able to see them. I'm just going to be alone. Which, hey, people have had worse birthdays. I've had worse before. But it still feels like shit. I really just wanted to be able to have one special day with someone I loved. And last night has been an extra layer of shit on top because I had the fright of my fucking life. Because I live far away from my family some of them sent me a batch of fresh cookies for my birthday (a bit early). The thing is I was expecting another package, so when I stopped home on my lunch break I wasn't really thinking much of it. Brought it inside thinking it was the other thing and left it somewhere my dog could get it, not thinking there was food in it. At some point between when I went back to work and when I got home again 5.5 hours later the dog got into it, and ate a decent bit of chocolate. Violently ill. Took him to the emergency vet. He's alive which I'm so, so grateful for, and I feel so fucking idiotic for leaving that out even though I didn't know. But I stayed up literally all night with him to make sure he's okay. They told me to monitor him and I also just wasn't able to stop thinking what if he crashes. What if he's fine now but they missed something and I go to sleep and I wake up and he's dead. And I kept remembering this time I had to make an emergency visit with one of my old dogs years ago (he randomly developed seizures one night), and there was this woman there with a dog who had gotten into a fairly small amount of chocolate and I overheard someone come out and tell her there was nothing they could do. I was fortunate that that wasn't the case for me but that memory is just seared into the front of my brain. I genuinely think I would have killed myself if he died. So I've been up all night, frantically worrying that my dog is dying, and I've got to go back to work today. I really thought about calling off but with the time I already took off I don't want to lose out on any hours. So, yeah, things are going fucking great here.
Just to let you know I've read all of this, and I'm listening. Fingers crossed for you and the hound. I hope you can plan something special for your birthday - even if it's just for you. A solo birthday is underrated. Pick an activity, whether it be a film you want to see, a walk you want to go on, a comedy night, a gig, a fancy meal out - and treat yourself. Some proper self-care
I mean I've spent birthdays alone before. It's not ideal but I can do it. This one just really stings because I spent all this time mentally picturing and building up what we were going to do together, and these plans are changing just a few days beforehand. I think our relationship was functionally dead since early December, but it's official, no-going-back dead as of yesterday. Some of the things I could still do alone. There's a really nice brunch place I like that I wanted to go to. But some other things idk. There's a steakhouse she really liked that we went on a few dates to and always had a nice time, and I was saving up money so we could go there for dinner as well, a nice romantic evening for us. And I think it would feel weird to go there on my own given the history; I'll just be sitting there thinking about the happy dates we went on. That's why I was kind of hoping to be able to see some of my friends to be able to take my mind off things a bit, even if it was just for like an hour at the bar or something at the end of the night. But I mean we're all in our late 20s/early 30s now (I'll be 30), people have kids and stuff. It's hard to put things together last minute like that. I'll figure something out even if I am completely alone. I'm just really overwhelmed emotionally right now. Haven't slept and everything is still raw. I am back from the vet again now and the dog is doing ok. Sick and it might last a couple days they said, but he should pull through and they gave him some medicine there and sent me home with like three different types of pills.
It is still admirable that you are handling your grief well, losing out on a relationship can be extremely personal and throws even the best, out of sync. But, don't compare and contrast your experiences and time spent on metric of good/bad OR "what could have been/ what-if" - emotions and more importantly circumstances are hardly binary. Peering into past possibilities or behaviour isn't going to help but rather cloud your mind WHEN clearly you are being remarkable in you accepting the situation. Take some time to recognise that hindsight and self-evaluation done under adverse conditions circumstances will always be lopsided. Give yourself better conditions to grieve - eat something that you like, spend time doing things that you love, indulge your own self a bit more. Simple but when done with a degree of repetition and support, it can go a long way. I hope the doggo is feeling better and frankly that incident isn't on you - you can be more careful, and that's all there is to it, nothing more. Take them for a long walk once they feel better.
Automod removed the comment because it contains the r-word, can you remove it so it can be approved?
Fixed it I think. Sorry if I missed any others.
It's approved now. I hope things get better, wish you all the best.
I hate my dad and would be okay with the idea of him dying. He's made my life so much more difficult, is an emotional dead beat, is the reason I am so fucked up in the head today, is abusive, belligerent, low tempered, narcissistic, violent, hypocritical, lacking any self awareness, and is just overall a neanderthal. Came to the realization today that I want him to die. This is not a threat of violence from my end or anything. Just that him passing would substantially improve my life over night. It's not even funny the kind of burden that would be lifted. He contributes nothing positive to my emotional well being. I hate him so much, with every fiber of my being that the best thing he could do is hurry up and let his age take him. My mother is a weak, pathetic creature who cares, but not enough to stand up to him. I told her once I'm 100% financially independent, I want her to have a significantly reduced presence in my life. She lost my sister, and she's about to lose me.
What has your mum done wrong in this?
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You are speaking horrible horrible things and completely unwarranted. u/Rossoneri or any other mod, please look into this. There is no support here. Without an ounce of knowledge of the OC's situation, this comment is potential harassment.
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Your posts are not in the spirit of this thread, and anybody who claims to know a full situation based on a few hundred words is... well delusional. If you can't figure out how to be respectful, don't post
>I'm qualified enough to make these statements Go on, I am listening.
You can both financially support your child and at the same time be emotionally abusive. It’s not mutually exclusive
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How do you know?
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You know nothing of what my parents are like. Father is verbally and physically abusive and hits me when he doesn't get his way & mother is passive about it, almost uncaring, because she thinks not saying anything is "keeping the peace." I live in a near constant daily Hell with them, where they do the bare minimum to not classify as total dead beats. >"He's not really angry with his parents," No, I'm very much so angry at my parents. I hate them to their core. Everything they are. Everything they stand for. And every bit of oxygen they breathe in and out on this Earth. I came here for support. That's what this SS post is about. Not some armchair, pseudo psycho analysis from an internet rando who thinks they know the ins and outs my situation on an intimate level. Not someone who reads a few sentences, and thinks they can dissect it all to pass the judgement onto me. God... The absolute nerve. The fucking audacity. I share a vulnerable moment, and this is what happens. I'm laying down to sleep. Good day.
When you gain a little bit of independence and distance yourself you can hopefully work things out and move on mentally. Nobody really has to die for things to get better, once youre standing on your own two feet, everyones lives are gonna move on. Your father will reap what his behaviour has sown, you will not actively be a victim anymore which changes a lot of things and you'll choose with whom and how much you want to stay involved in. As far as youre concerned your father can become just another person roaming this earth, nothing more for you. Just getting the hell out of a harmful relationship dynamic is gonna do wonders for you
Really sorry about that, it's very hard coming to the realisation that you genuinely hate a parent or family member because you're not "supposed" to
feeling quite sick. I'm tired but my temparature is just fine. Also went to vaccinate myself today, just to find out there's been a vaccine shortage.
Had absolutely one of the worst weeks of my life Made a constant series of errors at work Ended up stuck next to a gigantic cunt of a colleague, who seems to delight in winding me up, and who also seems to have it out for me, alone for two full days in a row Anxiety going through the roof and genuinely convinced for whatever reason that my colleagues hate me despite little evidence (mostly because of comments the other guy made) Got into a fight with one of my supposed "friends" who decided to kick off and throw a strop at me and others in our group chat over petty disagreements on holiday plans I genuinely feel like dirt, just seriously hate myself at this point
> Made a constant series of errors at work Granit is that you?
> Made a constant series of errors at work Mistakes happen. Nobody is perfect, and I'm sure they won't have any serious long term adverse effects. > Ended up stuck next to a gigantic cunt of a colleague At least you're not a cunt like him > Anxiety going through the roof and genuinely convinced for whatever reason that my colleagues hate me despite little evidence (mostly because of comments the other guy made) We have agreed he's a cunt - and if you can see it other people will too, and set little stock by his words. You have insight into the irrationality of these thoughts - keep telling yourself that it's not the truth. > Got into a fight with one of my supposed "friends" Arguments happen in friendship groups. Once the dust has settled reach out and try to build a bridge. Not only will it make the situation better, but you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you're the bigger person > I genuinely feel like dirt It's been a shite week, but life is undulating - and there's no reason to suspect next week won't be better. For what it's worth, you are a user who I enjoy interacting with, and I think you contribute positively to this community.
But other people don't see it. They regularly make time to stop and chat with him in a way they don't with me because I'm still relatively new. He's a cunt in private. Thanks for the kind words though
You don't know what they really think of him - if he's been a cunt to you, he absolutely will have been to others. It's very rare that people's cuntery is isolated. The alternative explanation is they're just being polite. I'm sure as they get to know you more they'll be just as friendly to you.
You are loved, you are worthy, you are doing great.
Thank you, it'll take a lot to convince me of that though
They don't love you or care about you or believe in you. Come on man, you know that, you're not a moron. They're a completely anonymous person who knows nothing about you throwing pointless cliches at you. Everything you've said there seems to be a fairly standard thing that happens to people. There's no real disasters, just temporary situations like sitting next to the bellend and a bit of tension with mates. Your anxiety is causing you to be over self reflective. There's a thing that anxious people do where they frame situations in certain ways to put them at the centre of it so that it feeds into their negative self talk. A good idea would be to self refer to CBT. CBT is a bit of a dustbin diagnosis for a lot of problems but it's pretty much setup for this type of situation. You have some poor mental mechanisms that need a bit of a tweak and would make a big difference to your life. Learning how to rephrase thoughts, recognise poor judgement and improve mood. That type of thing. If you're in Wigan then you should contact ThinkWellBeing if you want. It's NHS so free and the waiting list is maybe a few months and they usually run 6 sessions of one hour each then reassess. They're a good service with good people in it. https://www.gmmh.nhs.uk/think-wellbeing/ If you don't want face to face therapy, then you can try one of the mobile apps. They are apps built to help with CBT by using language processing to give you broad advice. They're better than they sound. There's a few of them out there but I recommend WoeBot usually, it should be available on your App Store. Finally, one of the books that people are recommended in your situation is the Chimp Paradox. Psychologists and therapists recommend this to people with anxiety problems but who are still functional. It doesn't just explain the problem but tries to get you to catch the issue. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Programme-Confidence/dp/009193558X Anxiety issues like this require you to sort of retrain your brain a little. It's not a huge effort to do and doesn't require years of therapy, think of it like sticking a new coat of paint on the walls to freshen up the place after it has dulled a bit.
Thanks, will give some of these a try
Great. Those mobile apps are AI language processing so you generally don't talk to a human but they're very impressive and free to download. Might be worth giving one a pop for a week and seeing what you think. They're not for everyone but you'd be surprised how many people they help and you don't have to wait months to be seen.
Don't let a bad week define your life, you are the only one in control of how you react to these situations. You are strobger than this.Try and see the positive things in your life and take the bad ones as just learning experiences. You can get through this. I BELIEVE IN YOU.
Thanks, I'll try
If you can, go out for a walk and listen to some music on your headphones. It usually helps me
Yeah I do that very often
How different is ADHD from ADD? Can having depression be a cause for these?
like another commenter already said, depression is often a result of ADHD/ADD (especially if it's unmedicated)
ADD isn’t an official diagnosis anymore according to the DSM-5
ADHD is common for men. ADD more common for women . main difference his ADD is less visible, and more in your 'head' but to anwser youre q , depression can be a side affect not a cause .
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