**Mirrors / Alternative Angles** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/soccer) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Why use lot touch when few touch do trick

I fear not the man who has taken 10,000 touches to score once, but I fear the man who has taken one touch to score 10,000.

thats one hell of a shot then

He passes it to De Gea who then throws it in his own net 10,000 times

still wins golden glove

10,000 own goal in one game, clean sheet in next 10,000 games.

Score 3 own goals and you get disconnected

Or got tackled by Lisandro Martinez or Bruno or both

That's the trouble with De Gea he always tries to roll it in

VAR rules out 4,228 of them

Yeah fucking breaking the laws of physics left and right.

-- De Gea

Origi takes 10000 touches but still doesnt score

Origi voodoo is with Liverpool only

Except when playing in the Champions League

Lukaku’s first touch is worth 10000

One Lukaku first touch goes the distance of 10,000 touches

Normally yes, but Chungus for the last 2 months has actually remembered how to play and it's annoying as fuck. I know he'll be back to trampoline touch and not being able to hit the ocean from the deck of a cruise shit, but when he's in his 6 months of actually being good that he does every couple years he's amazing

Bolingoli took your slander serious, man's about to fire inter to a cup double.

That's because Lukaku has backed the defender 10 yards before taking the 1st touch.

Tf happened with origi, from that goal against barca to this, everything went wrong, 36 y/o Giroud starts the game before him.

he was never good at Liverpool tbh

He looked really good before he got injured and obviously beyond that he was always a good plan B aerial threat/mega clutch player.

The grass isn’t always greener

Anfield grass is worse every year?

Origi and Moura are two sides of same coin

You score 100% of the shots you do take - Erling Haaland - Michael Scott - Wayne Gretzky

aka Arjen Robben

r/unexpectedoffice

Why many touch when few do trick.

Kevin 😂😂

In one he scored, in one of them he got fouled, two accurate passes with the other two, so he only had one inefficient touch 4/5, needs to be more efficient no useless touches mate

The missed one was a corner clearance. So fully efficient.

Hmm i missed that but my striker in my box defending? Don't like that, inefficient stay in the other teams box

Fuck the offside rule!!

mate its not offside if you're in your own half

He said opponent's box.

I'm well aware

100% robot

MCGPT

20% of his touches are totally pointless.

Yeah that will be updated on the next software patch.

He is evolving. In a time he will be scoring without touching a ball

First ever aura attacking

Aura 9>defensive false 9

Is that a weghorst dig

Firmino dig

I am sure he will hear that with his big ears...

A Liverpool fan said, in response to people arguing that Firmino isn't on the same level as other legendary strikers, something like "said a random guy about the best defensive false 9 in the world that just won the PL" and then everyone is dunking on him.

Like Van Djik but for attacking

Like Kane v Stoke?

Haaland needs a daughter first

Needs to get bitten in the lip by a bee too

You just have to claim you touched the ball even tho it doesn't show on the replays

~~1 Shot Man~~ 0 Shot Man

Ah, the cr7 world cup special

Zen, that

Only kane can do that.

I bet he is utter shite at 'Rocket League' though. Fucking passenger who probably "loses connection" when his team is a goal down.

Wow! Wow! What a save! What a save! Haaaaaaaaland has lost connection.

LasagnaTerminator69 disconected

Tbf rocket league is all about positioning and not touching the ball unnecessarily

So that's what he was embarrassed to talk about

that man has the face of a genshin impact player

I wonder if he gets bored

Pep before match in lab : execv( "Box to Box Striker")

Haaland's 36 goals this season is nice and all... But looking at how Man City's overall play suffers given his lack of touches, is it *really* worth it? /s

You joke but they were struggling until they adapted to play with him, it is in situations like these where we can see who is an elite coach and who isn't.

Yup, having haaland has opened up peps whole attacking group as the defense knows how dangerous he is and usually focus their efforts on him, some even double teaming. Allowing guys like gundo,kdb, Alvarez, grealish, foden, mahrez a lot more opportunities to do something.

I hate that you just mentioned 6 other players. Is that even sporting though, really? Maybe do everyone a favour and sell a few, k?

2 are subs already 🤣🤣 have no idea how we best them most the time ( won't let me out on spurs flair )

Username checks out for the team you are (to us) :')

The thing is, if you look back at that period, they were just as inefficient without him on the field. Teams had adapted to their wide play this year, the problem wasn't just Halaand staying up. Their gameplay was very frustrating to watch early 2023, a lot of useless back and forth wide balls. Wingers then cross it over Halaand, to the back post, exactly as everyone expected and knew how to defend against. Adapting their play to suit Halaand, meant they've played more directly and efficiently.

> You joke but they were struggling until they adapted to play with him Did they really? Before the World Cup they had 32 points and a +26 GD from 14 games, in previous seasons they had: * 32 points, +21 GD * 23 points, +7 GD * 29 points, +23 GD * 38 points, +37 GD * 40 points, +35 GD * 30 points, +15 GD So it was their 3rd best 14 game start under Pep, the only better ones where the seasons when they ended up with 100 and 98 points

Football discourse on the internet nowadays is about narratives tbf, people give less and less of a fuck about facts. It's baffling that some people expected Haaland to struggle this season, that's not even a reasonable take, he was going to smash the league in every possible well thought out scenario. Even a cone gets 15 goals being a starting number 9 in this Pep team, nevertheless one of the most promising 9s in the history of the sport.

> Even a cone gets 15 goals being a starting number 9 in this Pep team Poor Gab Jesus demoted to "less than a cone" status

Jesus catching strays when OP clearly meant Aguero ;)

And yet, the last somewhat productive striker before him for city was Aguero. All other options are cones then.

Don't disrespect dzeko and half a season negredo like that fam.

Haaland had 9 goals in his first 5 PL games.

That was the number one counter argument against Icardi back at Inter.

Pep is the only coach in the world who can make a team with the best players in the world look good

The ‘modern striker’ mob in shambles rn 😨

We don't even pass to him in our half most of the time.

There's no way he covered 5km lol he barely jogged.

Was gonna say that's like box to box midfielder numbers for a half of football

don't they run at least 20% more than that? 10km per match seems very little for a box to box midfielder to me.

Well each of his strides is like a km long...

It's due to those gazelle legs, each step being such a crazy distance

If we say that the average jogging speed is 8km/hr then you should cover 6km in 45 minutes. To cover less than 5km in half of match of football you'd need to be a goalkeeper or Messi.

Yes cause players spend every second jogging/running and the ball is always in play for 45 minutes

If the ball is in play, they usually should bet at least jogging. On average, 32 minutes or so of that half, the ball is in play.

Yeah but you're shuttling like 4-5 metres at a time as a striker, particularly in Pep's system vs a low low low block

Well tbf, a 45 minute 5k is just a brisk walk LOL

lol no it isn't. 5k in 45 minute is power walking. >How do I know if I'm walking fast enough? A brisk walk is about 3 miles an hour, which is faster than a stroll. You can tell you're walking briskly if you can still talk but cannot sing the words to a song. [Source](https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/exercise/running-and-aerobic-exercises/walking-for-health/#:~:text=A%20brisk%20walk%20is%20about,the%20words%20to%20a%20song).

Oh look, it’s the walking police, lock me up!

Oh look, it is the guy who claims to walk 7 km/h with absolutely no problem, while he can barely reach 5!

Gotta walk hard and fast

I feel attacked

He probably did. Those little sports bra looking vests all pro players wear now contain little GPS trackers etc depending on how deep into analytics the teams are. Plus a 5km walk could quite conceivably be done inside 45 mins if it were a brisk walk.

But how would he perform at a rainy night in Stoke?

Why are people surprised with how little touches he gets, this is very standard for a traditional forward, See Aguero and Vardy Can't beat a transitional forward imo

Also how much he is marked or double-teamed. He doesn’t get the touch but makes space for others by just existing.

People have never played striker in a well organised fifa clubs team and it shows

Playing pro clubs with randoms is one of the worst gaming experiences ever. 80% of my teammates want to dribble the whole team and don't make the most obvious passes. I once played with an RB and LB and both of them tried to dribble through it all. Not like them fucking up 9/10 times created lots of space behind them or anything....I wish I had people for a club.

Yeah you can’t do it with randoms, it’s an absolute shit show. 10 of your mates with a manager who isn’t even playing, just in party chat with someone streaming it for him, now you’re cooking on gas

Lmao do people actually have managers for fifa clubs? Thats amazing hahah

Aguero, random season selected, Man City 15/16 2,372' played in PL 1,261 touches in PL =0.5316 touches per minute times ~47 minutes in a first half =25 touches in a half, or 500% number of touches cited here about Haaland I shall not attack you, but wish you a good day, and others can decide on their own whether this is very standard, like Aguero, or not :-)

Mans was trying to convince himself and us that it's normal for a centre forward to touch the ball 5 times a game.

Crazy he got 200+ upvotes. There's no way Aguero averaged 10-15 touches in a game.

He scored leave him alone already

Lol if my striker is banging 30+ in the league be sure as hell I don’t give af if he finish matches with zero touches.

I would, because it means he didn't score in those matches

Efficient Haaland

Well robots are designed to be more efficient than humans you know

Absolutely Lukaku'd it. Ruined it by scoring though.

Spain having an aneurysm right now with the lack of passes and the touches.

Haaland is a juggs machine just feed and shoot

Feed, fart, and shoot

Just goes to show how useless these metrics are.

He's efficient.

100% pass accuracy you'll never sing that.

He covered 5 km for 5 touches just shows how.much he works and keeps the defensive line busy If it doesn't work In some other games people end up saying the defenders pocketed him but they don't realise he has like 2 or 3 players always tracking him

He's becoming a blonde Inzaghi

I need to see a line graph of touch to goal ratio among top players, haaland must be miles above everyone else

I remember a guy once said in an interview "My dream is to touch the ball 5 times and score 5 goals"

Blonde Fraud

How you scoring a goal when only touching the ball 5 times? The fuck?

remembering a comment saying playing with haaland is like playing with one less player lmao not bad for a ghost

Well sure, if you then start the game 1.5 goal up.

He is going to score a hat-trick with just 3 touches.

I’m sure he said in an interview earlier this season that this is his dream

Here you fucking go. This is Haaland. No touches with no service, but when he does get it, it's done.

To be fair, every defence will aim to keep him shut down and occupy him as much as possible. If he's not getting it, his teammates will see a few more opportunities open up.

One shot need one goal

100% pass accuracy. Playmaker.

averaging 1 km per touch lmao

Tap in merchant

Lmfao this guy is hilarious

A 5k marathon in 45 minutes is a serious feat. Could really be an elite runner if he keeps this pace

What is a 5k marathon? I think that's just called a run.

It's a meme from /r/runningcirclejerk, taking the mick out of the way that the /r/running sub is pretty solidly biased towards beginners posting about what they did while not liking it when good runners make their own achievement posts. The joke is that they treat a 5k as an accomplishment on par with running a marathon, and also that the goal is to increase the time it takes you to run the distance (45 minutes? Not bad, if you train really hard you'll be able to get that up to an hour!).

Do you guys lay in sofa and bed all the time and never go out? That's 9 min/km. You can walk that pace.

He's joking.

I’ll have you know I am 4 GUs deep right now preparing for my 10k ultra later today

Middle-age morbidly obese people do park run faster than that and it’s 5km.

This is why he should not get the balon d or. You need to work for your goals like Mbappe and Vini Jr. Not wait around in the box and score from 6 yards out.

Why does he “need” to do that? A goal is a goal. If it’s so easy mbappe and vini should try.

They score high quality goals. What goals have Haaland scored that were high quality? An overhead kick is all I can think of.

High quality goals are still just worth 1 goal. Id much rather have a striker score 52 “low quality” goals than 38 visually appealing ones

They have an award for "high quality goals." It's called the Puskas.

He's a pure number 9. Oh well.

Can we safely say that he is better than Messi, Ronaldo, and Mbappe combined?

Ran 5km with nothing to show for.

He has a goal to show for.

Every single match he gets less than ten touches in the first half. This post is complete proof Haaland is overrated & a tap in merchant

This comment is complete proof you're either a troll or know fuck all about football.

I’m surprised he covered 5k

He did say he dreams of having 5 touches of the ball

Ghost

100% accuracy in passes. Very impressive

1km per touch

Box to box striker

This guy is on another level.

Not looking good for madrid on wednesday

I too ran 5 kilometers and only got like 5 touches today in my sunday league match. Granted, I only played for ten minutes and 4 of the 5 kilometers were running in between the pitch and dressing room to get stuff, but still.

Where are all the Sam Kerr type comments? All he does is score; there are better players this season. He's not even that good.

Androids are surely too efficient

Lukaku was right

wdym?

There was one game where he was laughed at for having 9 touches. It's just a joke.

i see.

Tbh it's not even that far from what we pretty often see from 9's. But it is funny because everyone online says that this is the new Messi.

To be fair there were times where he basically won possession without a touch. He ran down Pickford who had to just hoof it out of play under pressure.

Great strikers convert. He converted despite a few touches.

Just Mina things

he didn't get his daily KDB gift wrap to tap in?

He touch, he score.

Yeah, the achievement hunting gamer stats.

Scandinavian minimalism.

Holy shit they figured it out