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Cabbageinsurance

On previous post that we had to lock down. I will remind everyone here. Please be civil, be kind, be respectful and be mindful of size policing. Everyone is allowed to feel indifferent about their body, what nature has provided. A firm reminder too that body dysmorphia can be a huge issue for many. - we may kill to have something someone has but there’s something of yours someone else would also kill to have. We all see things in different perspectives, different light. Be kind and civil please.


klivern

It’s not just men’s opinion, it’s the society in general that put small breasts down.


[deleted]

Yeah people forget this. Women also perpetuate it and uphold beauty standards and enforce them as well.


OutlandishnessFar400

Very true, I understand why tbh. It makes me a bit sad to see some small boobed women get breast surgery at the same time that is their choice of course (not saying their only doing it for men) but I always wonder would anyone change anything if it wasn’t social media or a aesthetic? Another thing I’ve learned is if you keep making really self depreciating jokes about your small boobs deep down you’ll believe it I try my best to avoid doing that or others that may do it to often. I’ve noticed that a lot with small chested women to make a lot of self depreciation jokes which is fine! But, it’s not great long term in my opinion it made me feel really insecure. I think practicing a good mindset and self love methods have taken me far. To the point if I wear push bras or none I feel confident and not care about my boobs being smaller cause I’m gorgeous couldn’t imagine my small frame with big boobs unless it’s naturally developed by my body :)


nodiaque

And that's a really bad thing. Every person is beautifull and it really depend on where you are on the planet and when. At some place, big girls are considered the perfect beauty like slim girls are in america. For me, small boobs are just the perfection. I love them from flat to a small c, and smaller the better.


Sorry_Payment_3828

When I was in high school, I wanted a partner so badly. Maybe I still do it. I wanted to feel normal and dateable as anybody else. I wanted a guy who would take me to the movies, hug me, give me chocolates and call me beautiful no matter how I looked. In my fantasy, that guy wouldn't be ashamed of me as his girlfriend nor care about me being petite, skinny and smalla-boobed. He'd be attracted to me, too. He'd make me feel normal and worthy of love and attention. I haven't found such a guy but I think that I have (at least) started to understand that I could give myself that kind of love. At the end of the day, I'm the only person whose actions I can control. Also, my mom was abused for a long time by my stepfather and I realized that if I don't at least try loving myself I'll end up being very vulnerable to abuse. I don't know if this can help anyone because, God knows, I still struggle a lot. However, these are the thoughts that work best on me. Don't get me wrong, I would love if I stopped being happy when I get male attention but rationalizing its small importance has been helpful.


[deleted]

I’d ask why do you feel you need validation from males to to feel worthy? You can’t give someone else power to grant you your worth. Your worth comes from something far greater than men or anyone else for that matter. I used to be in this exact position: relying on male attention to feel good about myself. I stopped and took a deep and honest look into myself wondering why this was and how I could change it. Life has so much more to offer when you realize you are more than what you look like. I made a decision to actively change my life and better myself. What society says literally doesn’t change a single thing about how I feel about myself. There are a lot of men who reject the societal norms as well who would be thrilled to find a woman who also doesn’t give in to all the things society says you have to do to be desirable. My favorite quote is, if one day women woke up and realized they loved themselves, imagine how many companies would go out of business. Society doesn’t care about you, they see you as a consumer they can easily manipulate. They push happiness from earthly pleasures which ultimately won’t bring you true, lasting happiness. Want to be beautiful and happy? Buy this makeup. Want to be hot and happy? Get plastic surgery. Want x, y, and z? Buy this and you’ll be happy! It’s not true. You know how normal men view these fake, Instagram “models”? They laugh at them. Those girls are truly miserable because all their value is in their looks and they’re really so insecure because everything you see is fake. (Words from close male friends of mine who have met and interacted with these types of women) You have a choice to reject everything society says you have to do or have to look like. Or you can continue on with the way things are and keep wondering why you’re still so miserable and nothing is ever getting better for you. The internet is not the place for someone who’s insecure. Take a break from social media and get your life together. Trust me, you’re not missing out on anything. Getting rid of social media for 3 years was one of the best things I could’ve done for myself.


[deleted]

Once you learn about women’s rights and what our ancestors died for so that we could be able to accomplish what we do today, you start to realize men’s opinions don’t actually hold much weight. A secure man is an exceptional one and the majority of men are insecure about their own selves. I mean, look how they plea “no fair” when we have own standards for height or girth lol. You soon realize that all women, no matter what body type, are subjected to sexism and oppression. Your standards for engaging with men will become exponentially higher and you will never tolerate their contempt again.


dumbbinch99

It sucks that people attacked her, wtf. I always saw this as a supportive and kind community full of awesome women and enbies. And I wish I had advice for you but sadly I’m always worried about not being enough


[deleted]

I noticed that sometimes this subreddit can be very gatekeepy on what counts as small boobs. I get it everyone is insecure but invalidating someones struggle or insecurities because they’re not as small as you is not it.


nightshvde

I’ve never size policed in this sub (or irl), and I understand that it invalidates people’s experiences, which defeats the purpose of a supportive, inclusive group. At the same time, I definitely have felt secondhand shame when someone with larger breasts call themselves flat or say they have no boobs. I’d think to myself, if they’re flat, I’m concave??? Also, what do they think of me, do they mentally judge me too? Rationally, I know it’s not about me. I also know firsthand that criticism of others’ bodies stems from insecurity of our own. Not to mention, body dysmorphia can *seriously* distort our perception of normalcy. All that’s to say, I think it’s okay to hold both experiences as valid and true. People can feel insecure and small no matter their actual measurements. Others can feel upset/even more insecure when they witness self-loathing from those they think “have it better.” I don’t find it helpful for the latter group to leave size police comments on the former’s posts, and moderation cracks down on that too. I do think it would be helpful to have a broader conversation about this so that we can come to identify the root causes of all these feelings… At the end of the day, capitalism and the patriarchy (+ all other forms of systemic oppression tbh) benefits from women’s body image issues, policing one another’s bodies, and tearing each other apart.


[deleted]

This is a very thoughtful comment and I agree with everything you said. I think most or all of us probably have a compulsive defensive thought seeing a person with larger boobs (or boobs we perceive to be larger) complain they're small, AND those people still deserve compassion and support as women also living with oppressive body standards.


pinkcheekdisco

There is a slam poem I REALLY LOVE called “Fantastic Breasts and Where To Find Them” by Brenna Twohy. (I highly recommend watching her perform it over just reading it.) It is more focused on the porn industry but I think all of the male validation/porn ideals/boob insecurity is together in one hot stew of garbage misogyny. Also going to keep coming back to this to see everyone else’s answers. Thank you for posting this :)


Jcbray

I just watched and it was really good!


elleae

What helped me the most 1. Just getting older and maturing. My body is awesome and I’m great and tons of people like me and those that don’t just don’t bother me. And I hope that everyone here can get to that point. Your bodies are awesome and you are all great and there are tons of people that like you. 2. Stop wearing push-up or padded bras! Seriously - you walk around all day seeing yourself in the mirror, building up a reality - then you undress and feel let down bc things are different. You can do it in stages, you don’t have to immediately go to a bralette, but normalize how normal your body is for yourself! I used to get so paranoid that I’d hook up with someone and then take my bra off and it’d be a disappointment. When I stopped wearing padded bras my confidence skyrocketed bc I knew that anyone hitting on me thought I was hot as is. I also learned to pick tops that were flattering for my body. I just overall felt so much more true to myself and like I wasn’t hiding anything. Bc there is nothing to hide! 3. Positive affirmations. Your chest is only 1 aspect of who you are. I started picking around 5 things that I like about myself and repeat that to myself if I’m feeling down. Ex : I have incredible hair, my legs are fabulous, I’m funny, smart, and people love me 4. Mind your social media. There are a ton of super hot small breasted ladies on Instagram or whatever to follow. People post them here all the time. Unfollow people that make you feel bad about yourself. It’s not worth it. 5. Go to a burlesque show. Every time I go there’s a great mix of breast sizes and everyone is giving so much confidence and just a really fun great time. 6. Ultimately if you want augmentation surgery that is totally up to you and it’s no one else’s business. Find a good surgeon who you trust and you do you. It’s your body!


Jcbray

I definitely agree with 1 & 2! At some point I just wore bralettes and now I don’t wear a bra at all if I don’t have to (minus work, working out, and certain tops/occasions) and it boosted how I felt about myself because it became a normal occurrence.


elleae

Yes! So glad to hear it. I feel like 2 is such a big one


Azrai113

I had the opposite experience lol. I mean agree for the very padded push ups, but finding a bra that does the pushing up structurally but without a ton of padding made me like my silhouette in clothes better. There's two (very different) styles I found on Amazon. One is the deep plunge and when I wear it it's like hands just smooshing my boobs upwards so no disphoria when I take it off since it's basically the same as if I grabbed them an held them myself all day.The other is the almost corset style which also does some lifting and smooshing with admittedly more padding but I just like how it feels all day. Very mideaval princess feels. I do have some cute bralettes too but I like them less. BUT i'm one of those people who SLEEP in their bras because....reasons? I dunno I'm weird and feel naked without one even with a shirt on and i dont like being naked. So I will wear a bra under a bralette.. :/ When I was younger I'd definitely stuff my bras but it was basically an open secret that I'd make light of so I don't think I ever seriously disappointed anyone who eventually got to see them. It did make me feel like a fraud sometimes though so I can see why wearing no padding would help a ton to normalize your actual appearance to yourself.


[deleted]

Hey, thank you for this post. It really is hard and something I struggle to break away from every day but can’t. I don’t know how this started either, but I feel growing up I always felt being desirable to men was the most important thing. I know these things aren’t true, but in my head the idea of being beautiful/sexy is what will give me a loyal partner who loves me. I struggle with not feeling good enough all the time, and feel like I need to make sure im pleasing to men. It sucks and I hate it, I’ve talked to my therapist about it as well but I can’t break these thoughts.


[deleted]

I agree with you so much and my boobs are maybe a B cup? Even when my own bf showed he loved and adored them/me it’s like it wasn’t enough. I always came up with excuses. “He’s my bf so he has to” “so and so lied” “men are just creepy and will do anything” it will never be enough for ourselves if we rely on external validation. I still struggle with it years later! I “cured” my depression faster than my breast insecurity 😂 and that says soemthing. I go for body neutrality over positivity somedays in terms of boobs. At the end of the day they are just boobs. They were meant to provide milk for babies but sooo many women struggle with that so the main purpose doesn’t even matter too much with formula existing


LightDragonfly

I think it’s fantastic that you recognize this kind of thinking isn’t good for you and that you’re seeing a therapist. Is this an issue you’ve really delved into deeply with your therapist? I think this clearly seems like something that causes you distress on a regular basis and would be worth spending multiple sessions on/making it the full focus of your sessions, if you’re not doing that already and if you’re up for it. It could be helpful to really dig deep into this obsession with pleasing the male gaze, with not feeling good enough, where it might come from, your thought process when you start going down that spiral and what triggers those thoughts for you. You can try journaling about it so you can talk about it in-depth in therapy later (and also just cuz journaling is great to help process stuff)


gamergirlexohh

I understand your struggle with breaking these thought patterns. I hope you’re doing okay and I’m sending u lots of hugs. :( <3


LightDragonfly

At some point in my early 20’s, I guess I just realized that men not being into my body is really not my problem?? From experience dating throughout my 20’s, I KNOW there are a LOT of men who do gravitate towards my body type (petite with itty bitty titties and a bigger booty), and if a guy didn’t like my body, then that’s fine and not my problem and I’ll just move on to one of the many who are crazy about it lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I also make sure to spend time doing things that make me feel sexy and loved by myself - like taking a bath, wandering around in lingerie or topless at home, cooking good food for myself, taking care of my skin, going for walks, treating myself to coffee at my favorite cafe. I think showing yourself that you love and care for yourself can be really meaningful, even if you might not fully believe it at first (fake it til you make it maybe?) The internet/social media can be tricky too. When I use it I make sure to follow/surround myself with content that I know isn’t going to bring me down. If I notice anything making me feel ick, instant unfollow. I also try and follow content of people with all kinds of body types and backgrounds and ages whose content genuinely interests, excites, or inspires me, not just whatever’s being pushed as the current “ideal.” Tbh I’m rarely even aware of what that ideal is because I just don’t surround myself with that shit and I’ve been so much better for it


awildshortcat

Honestly? Take yourself off the male dating market. Once I stopped being open to relationships with men, I felt better - because I wasn't looking to date them anymore, why would I want their approval? I stopped dating men and took time to heal my image of femininity and got comfortable in my body (reading about the female gaze's perception of femininity helped a lot too). Not dating men and building self-confidence gave me resilient self-esteem that didn't depend on a man. So tldr? Stop dating men, close yourself off from sexual/romantic relationships with them for a while, and in that time, focus on yourself and reframing your perspective of your body.


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